The Science of Middle Earth

[Farael]

Here at the Barrow Downs we have been asking ourselves many questions, and found plenty of answers. But all of us science-oriented people know that there is always one true answer, often too complex for us to fully understand and or explain. Therefore, any attempts at answering the question are merely theories and models that we humans create with our limited knowledge to explain the vast complexity of nature.

So, and seeing the success of the Barrow Down’s official newspaper, I will go ahead and propose to you the brand new Barrow Down’s scientific journal, called well… The Science of Middle Earth or, as we scientists love acronyms, TSME (pronounced “Tesmy”)

Format for the submission of articles:

Abstract: Must be short. It must catch the reader’s attention. Thus, it does not need to relate to the main subject of the article at all, as long as it includes some vague reference to the topic at hand and perhaps a good catch phrase or something to keep the reader interested.

Introduction: Must provide the reader with the much necessary background information. What is the topic under study? What methods are being used? (i.e: What do you say you did?) What did you really do? (I mean c’mon, did Mendel really count thousands upon thousands of peas before developing his theory of inheritance?). This is the perfect place to tell any curious anecdotes, funny stories or well… anything else you want.

Materials and Methods: (Optional) Here, if you want, you can describe the materials and methods used. I’d advice you use big, important sounding words like “solvation of Na+ and Cl- ions in water” rather than “dissolving table salt” or “rapid combustion of the specimen” instead of “I blew everything up”.

Results and Conclusion: Tell us, what did you find? And furthermore, what do you claim it means? Why shouldn’t I interpret it any other way? I suggest you use expressions like “the results found are statistically significant” or “the variance of the sample implies a correlation, of unknown magnitude at this point in time, between the Idependent and Dependent variables”.

Having said that, this format is merely a suggestion… anything that looks scientific enough can be submitted, and will be accepted. As a matter of fact, feel free to post your replies without actually “submitting” them to anyone.

I’ll be putting up my first article as soon as I make it u… erm, I mean, finish analysing the copious amount of data my research has turned out.

[Nogrod]

Originally Posted by Farael

Here at the Barrow Downs we have been asking ourselves many questions, and found plenty of answers. But all of us science-oriented people know that there is always one true answer, often too complex for us to fully understand and or explain.

Should we start the debate already?

So there is always one true answer? How do you demonstrate that claim with scientific methods? I would like to see fex. an empirical test programme that would claim to validate that claim... So aren't you here just supposing it?

Don't get me wrong. I'm all for this. I might even try to give my contribution on the holidays...

Just for the argument's sake...

[Macalaure]

Originally Posted by Nogrod

Should we start the debate already?

So there is always one true answer? How do you demonstrate that claim with scientific methods? I would like to see fex. an empirical test programme that would claim to validate that claim... So aren't you here just supposing it?

Don't threaten natural scientists with philosophy! We don't like that. It undermines our frail theories.

[Gothmog]

I'm also analysing the results of multiple experiments and as soon as I figure out what I REALLY did, I'll write an article of it and produce clear evidence that...ehhh...whatever I tried to prove, or prove wrong, actually was for real...or not, of course... Or will be... Ehh... These fumes is getting quite annoying, not to say confusing.

Anyway, the point of this post was actually to promote and revive an old, pseudo-scientific thread, Snow angels. I think it deserves some fresh thinking and new ideas now when the right season has returned!

Now, I'll have to go and catch all those mice and cockroaches that ran away in the blast...

[Farael]

Abstract: Tom Bombadil is Eru!! Now that I have your attention, let me tell you about this article that has nothing to do with that merry fellow, who’s jacket is green and his boots are yellow. The main topic of this article is sexual dimorphism in Ent population, in order to explain the “losing” of the Entwives.

Introduction: It is a well known fact that the Entwives have been lost for many an age. The good ol’ Ents used to go around looking for them, until they got tired and gave up the search. Well, they had the answers right on their faces all the time. Figured it out yet? Well, let me tell you what sexual dimorphism means.

Originally Posted by Wikipedia, the repository of all knowledge on earth

Sexual dimorphism is the systematic difference in form between individuals of different sex in the same species.

Indeed, Ents and Entwives are very different from one another. Fangorn does seem to think otherwise, and still holds that Entwives and Ents were fairly similar. Tree-beard they call him… if he could only understand why, much of his troubles would be over!! But, if there is one thing the old Ent is right, is that we should not be hasty.

Now, it is a well known fact that most species develop primary and secondary (or sexual) characteristics. These secondary characteristics are one of the most clear examples of sexual dimorphism, as they are what differentiate males and females of a given species. What very few people know, since I just discovered it, is that Ents also grow tertiary characteristics. In male Ents (or Ents) these are minimal, but include the darkening of their skin and the thickening of their outer bark.

After much thought and consideration, I can explain to you why female Ents (or Entwives) have been “lost” for so long.

Results and Conclusion:
During my interview with Fangorn a most curious thing happened. When I asked about his beard, he answered something along the lines of:
Hummm hooomm…. Here now, don’t be hasty… Hm ho… if I keep answering all your questions soon I’ll be telling you my real name. Hmmm ohhh and it went on for quite a while.

When pressed harder, he answered (in a low, quick whisper… a most unusual behaviour for such an un-hasty Ent): It just appeared all of a sudden. One night I was standing under my favourite waterfall with fair Fimbrethil and the following morning she was gone and this… beard was on me. I have not shaved since, as it reminds me of her

Ladies and Gentlemen, Wight, Nazghul and trapped Hobbits, I have since discovered that… Tree-beard should be called Tree-entwife!. My first suspicions were confirmed when, after interviewing other bearded Ents, all shared a similar story!

Of thirty nine bearded-Ents (BEnt) interviewed, thirty seven BEnt claimed a similar if not identical tale as the one of Fangorn. The Two BEnt that did not, were becoming rather tree-ish and it is possible that they did not even listen to the question being asked.

DNA samples taken from the BEnts and their beards corroborate this assumption further. While the Cytosine + Guanine percentage of both the BEnts and their respective “beards” were almost identical (clearly indicating that they belong to the same species) there was a distinct difference, including the lack of a homologous of Chromosome 25 in BEnts.

So finally, I must conclude, that in spite of all speculation about gardens in The Shire, the Entwives never left Fangorn (Forest). Indeed, they suddenly developed their tertiary characteristics, which seems to resemble well... lichen of some sort.

Fangorn (the BEnt) refuses to answer my palantir-calls after he was informed of my discovery, yet Quickbeam (his lawyer) has informed me that they will be pursuing legal action against me. The Truth must be known! Listen to me my fellow scientists, and let’s all put to rest the impossible theory that a ten-feet (or more) female Ent could possibly be “misplaced”!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I hope no one minds...



I've got a theory to share with the masses.

When making study of the Science of Middle Earth, and indeed, The Barrow Downs, one must first consider the Periodic Table of Elements.
I have here attached a copy of the table so that you can understand some of the theories I am here about to portray:

Firstly, according to Elrond's Law of Longevity;

WtHi + MrNg ---> MrWtNg + Hi
Therefore,
MrWtNg + Wx ---> MrWx + Wt + Ng

Now, it must be stated that, in order to extract pure Ng from MrNg, one must first set it through the poiling process as stated by the theory of Sir Albert Frankson. Yet, when placed in water (H2O) at boiling point (1,000 degrees C) MrNg has a rather different reaction:

HEAT
MrNg + H2O --------> Ng2O + HMr

Which means it is much easier to extract pure Ng by the simple use of Roheric separation, as shown:

Ng20 + Rb ----> RbNg + 2O

RbNg + fAu ----> fRb + Ng + Au

And the fRb can be dissolved by the same process.

[Lhunardawen]

Just an idea for anyone interested: in light of Farael's excellent research on Ents, somebody might want to do a separate one for Dwarves, just so we could finally prove if Gimli was simply lying about the Dwarf-women. Thank you.

[The Elf-warrior]

Dwarves: Homo Khazadus. This species is not of Eruian origin. This has led some to propose that Dwarves be classified in a separate genus. However, this has been rejected on the grounds that Linnaean taxonomy is based on morphology, not etiology. Dwarves are classified separately from Humans on the basis of a number of differences including the ubiquitous presence of facial hair on females, their 42 chromosomes, their smaller height, a tougher physiology, and their resistance to fading and Gollum Syndrome as a side effect of shadow-realm transportation devices, and the disproportionate number of men born among them.

Dwarf DNA may be the key to unlocking the secrets of the universe. An ancient legend says that a great computer said that the answer to life, the universe, and everything was “42.” Although the exact question is unknown, this is still an important piece of information. Researcher Author Adams claimed in a scientific paper published in the journal Plant Lore that hidden in Dwarvish DNA is accurate and concise instructions for programming a Sony SLV-N700 Hi-Fi VHS VCR. Programming VCR's is a task that only people whose mechanical aptitudes are 2.3 standard deviations above the mean can do. This discovery corroborates the idea that the secrets of the universe are hidden in Dwarven DNA. Further research is needed.

Studies of Dwarven height show an approximate statistical mean of 4 feet 5 inches. This is less than six inches less than the average heights of the smallest subgroups of Homo Sapiens, the Mbuti and Baka tribes. But apparently, the statistical mean is skewed right due to the unsociable nature of the Petty Dwarves, thus causing them to be statistically underrepresented.

The livers and digestive systems of the Dwarves are very resistant to poisons, including alcohol. This is because the Valar designed them to handle the Morgothian threat. Dwarves were also designed to be very hardy, but contrary to popular belief, they are not natural sprinters. On the contrary, they are 2.5 standard deviations above the mean at enduring long marches under strenuous conditions.

Dwarves are also resistant, although not entirely immune, to the deleterious effects of bearing loop of metal shadow-realm transportation devices. The only pronounced effect noted in the historical records from holding Rings of Power was an inflaming of a desire for gold and other precious thing and an increase in irritability when they didn't have them. No tendency to unusual throat sounds was noted.

A survey by Tra Lally showed that approximately 69% of Dwarves born are men. He theorized that this is due to hormonal secretions during pregnancy. Further research is needed.

[Macalaure]

Hookbill's periodic table has gotten me an idea:


The Periodic Table of Elementary Downers!



Unfortunately, I had to cut the quality of the picture ridiculously in order to get the file size under 100 kb, which I found out to be the maximal allowed size of an attachment. *sulks at admins* If you want to see the original picture, send me a pm with your email address.

(I hope nobody's disappointed if he's left out. There's only so much space and it's extremely easy to overlook someone)

[High King Fingolfin]

Ahh, good to be radioactive. I seem to recall one of those has been made before, a while back, but it was very different. (And it didn't include me.

Very nice job, Mac.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Macalaure

Unfortunately, I had to cut the quality of the picture ridiculously in order to get the file size under 100 kb, which I found out to be the maximal allowed size of an attachment. *sulks at admins* If you want to see the original picture, send me a pm with your email address.

Why not try splitting it into three parts like I did. It can't hurt to see things a little more clearly.

And now... Some S.C.I.E.N.C.E!

Speed of Flight.

"Fly you fools" is a famous phrase of the infamous Wizard, uncloaker and all round busy body, Gandalf the Grey. But how fast is flight really?
Well, the question depends entirely on the context, obviously.
Through a vacuum and free of resistance or gravitational pull of any heavenly bodies, the speed of flight can be measured by the flight of Melkor. It is generally accepted that he took some 5.4 hours to reach his resting point (approximately 1,000 miles away from Arda) in the outer darkness after being driven out in the first wars.
It has been established by Elendil's theory of Valar flight patterns that Melkor left Arda's gravitational pull after 1 hour and thirty minutes. Therefore, it can be assumed that he took a further 4.4 hours to travel 1,000 miles. We can therefore calculate the speed of flight thus...

1000/4.4 = 227.2727r

So, in a vacuum, the speed of Flight is roughly, 227.3 mph. Yet Gandalf asked the fellowship to fly whilst in Moria. Thanks to recent incite from Dwarvish sources, we now know the air pressure of Moria to be roughly 3.5 grs.
Using Bombadill's theory of High:

Speed = Pressure + Speed of Flight (in vacuum) X 42 / 3
Therefore:
Speed = 3.5 + 227.2727 X 42 / 3
Speed = 230.772 X 42 / 3
Speed = 9692.454 / 3

Speed = 3230.818

QED

[Macalaure]

Why not try splitting it into three parts like I did. It can't hurt to see things a little more clearly.

But then people would have to paste it together again to see the whole.

[The Might]

Well, I still like Glorfindel's E=mc² theory of balrog wings' relativity which once and for all shows that balrogs don't have wings...

But then again we also have the quantum theory of balrog wings made by Galadriel which seems to show they do have wings...

I guess that the truth is beyond us

[Farael]

Originally Posted by The Might

But then again we also have the quantum theory of balrog wings made by Galadriel which seems to show they do have wings...

Actually, the quantum theory of balrog wings states that balrogs have wings. Or they don't. Or perhaps both options, or neither. But it says that if you make an average of whether or not a balrog has wings at any point in time throughout his life (and balrogs being maiar that can be quite a lot of time) 90% of the time you will find that balrogs DO have wings.

Perhaps the balrog that fell in Moria was in one of those odd 10% of the times where they don't.

EDIT: More to come on this topic real soon

[Farael]

Quantum Theory of Balrog Wings (aka, what I stole from The Might)

Introduction:
The quantum theory is based on a whole lot of extremely complex and abstract equations that give me a headache just thinking about them. Luckily for you, since I don’t know how to solve them anyway, I’ll spare you the trouble of explaining to you how they (are supposed to) work.
But, after hours of pouring over strange symbols that represent functions of functions of derivatives of a.. yes, you guessed right, function… it all boils down to this:
WE HAVE NO CLUE WHAT THE ELECTRONS ARE DOING AT ANY GIVEN POINT IN TIME, BUT WE THINK THEY MIGHT BE LOCATED IN CERTAIN AREAS AROUND THE NUCLEUS OF THE ATOM WE’LL CALL SUB-SHELLS

Sure, they talk about areas of 90% probability and electronic spins and what not… but my Physics professor put it nicely: According to this theory, there is a slight chance that I will fall right through my chair, right through the floor, right through the whole planet Earth and suddenly appear somewhere in Russia. The likelihood of something like that happening is so mind numbingly small that you shouldn’t loose much sleep over it. But if I were you, I’d learn at least a couple common sentences in Russian. Who knows? They might come handy some day.
Yet, what would be a better fit to find a definitive answer to the endless argument of whether or not Balrogs have wings than a theory that says that anything is (technically) possible? And what’s even better… the Quantum Theory was developed, for the most part, without relying on any experiments. It was a pure theoretical work that then, as scientists started trying it out on their experiments, worked out to give good results. But it also means that I (luckily) will not have to go Balrog hunting.

Let me tell you, that can be a rather painful experience. This one time I was hanging out with good ol’ Nilpaurion Felagund and he said “hey! Let’s go hunt a Balrog!”. I should have known from his werewolfing “style” that there was something fishy about it. If any of you have seen him play that game, you will know that he has suicidal tendencies. (In game, and as a jest, this by no means is meant to reflect my opinion of Nilp for real). I was a little confused when he said we’d need no weapons other than his “Balrog annoying kit” which consisted of a bucket of cold water, some matches and a Gandalf-toy that kept repeating “YOU SHALL NOT PASS” every three seconds. The toy never made it too far, I tossed it down the Brandywine River half-way through our journey.
To make a long story short, you see my lovely sun-tan? Well, it’s not. I was scorched by that dratted creature. And the worst part was that I was so afraid that I forgot to check if it had wings! If I had known about TSME by then…
Anyway, where was I? oh, yeah…

Results
NONE!! This is an exercise on abstract thought, since I’m too lazy to go find myself a Balrog for studying.

Conclusions
Balrogs have wings. Most of the time. It is stated clearly by Professor Tolkien and I will not have my point argued. Unless you decide to write an article arguing for it. Then you will get to argue it, but I’ll still be right ‘cos I’m stubborner than you. Yes, you know who you are.
Yet, just like Electrons around the nucleus of an Atom, this does not happen all the time. By a process that I shall conveniently call “a quantum mechanism” and purposefully neglect to explain how it actually works, there is a chance that at any given point in time, a Balrog will have no wings.
Furthermore, there is also a chance that both statements will be true. Some purists argue that having wings but at the same time not having wings can only mean that they have vestigial wings. For me, it is rather clear that they have only one wing. Thus they do not have wings they have wing.
Finally, there is a chance that both statements will be wrong. Thus they will neither have wings, nor they will have no wings. By double negative, this is a situation much like the previous one and thus it implies that at this point in time, the Balrog will have a single wing.
Whether or not a single-winged Balrog can fly, and furthermore, how fast it can do so if at all will be a matter for subsequent study.
Annex I
The theory of sudden disappearance of peoples mediated by the Internet Ether.
We have all experienced episodes where we are talking to a friend online through our Palantir Messenger and suddenly they vanish into thin air (or perhaps a random sequence of 0’s and 1’s). I have thus developed a formula that explains this strange phenomenom.
I=g2g
I hope this helps clear the mistery.

[Thinlómien]

Mac, may I ask why some 'downers are radioactive? And why just the ones you chose to be?

[The Might]

Interesting results Farael, I hope the new tests in the Large Hadorn Collider at CERN will help us find out the answer to this question

The collider tunnel contains two pipes enclosed within superconducting magnets cooled by liquid helium, each pipe containing a proton beam. The two beams travel in opposite directions around the ring. A 3D reproduction of a balrog is placed inside and the forces acting on its body are then measured. Additional magnets are used to direct the beams to four intersection points where interactions between them will take place.

The protons will each have an energy of 7 TeV, giving a total collision energy of 14 TeV. It will take around 90 microseconds for an individual proton to travel once around the collider. Rather than continuous beams, the protons will be "bunched" together into approximately 2,800 bunches, so that interactions between the two beams will take place at discrete intervals never shorter than 25 nanoseconds apart. When the collider is first commissioned, it will be operated with fewer bunches, to give a bunch crossing interval of 75 nanoseconds. The number of bunches will later be increased give the final bunch crossing interval of 25 nanoseconds.

The forces on the balrog 3D model are measured thus determining if a balrog would have had the possibility to fly considering its resistance to air and its mass.

Scientists are however still afraid to start experiments due to the large possibility of creating a miniature black hole in the experiment, however many think that finding out the answer to this greatest of questions in history is worth risking the extinction of the human race.

[Macalaure]

Originally Posted by Thinlómien

Mac, may I ask why some 'downers are radioactive? And why just the ones you chose to be?

The original picture had these signs where the real radioactive elements were. I thought it looked cool and therefore didn't delete it. It has nothing to do with the choice of downers.

- If you're reading this and happen to be radioactive in the table, you may ignore the last sentence if you like -

[alatar]

Great thread idea, and I hope to post something 'formal' soon. Can only wonder what the nonscientific members are thinking ("Ugh!"). However...

Originally Posted by Farael

But all of us science-oriented people know that there is always one true answer, often too complex for us to fully understand and or explain. Therefore, any attempts at answering the question are merely theories and models that we humans create with our limited knowledge to explain the vast complexity of nature.

Note that the "truth" is always an approximation - there are always error bars, regardless of how small. And we must not forget Heisenberg Uncertainty, which I'm sure plays out in some interesting way when attempting to measure a Balrog's wings...

[Bêthberry]

One point which has me really excited is the new mapping of the Dark Matter of the universe.

Once scientists finish the Hubble telescope's work mapping this web-like structure, I hope they begin to search for signs of Ungoliant, for as I recall she was a creature of the Void. What better place to find evidence of her than in the Dark Matter web? Clearly Tolkien was on to something when he posited a spider as a denizen of this part of the universe and suggested that it had a repulsive gravity.

[alatar]

More evidence for Bêthberry's theory. The last line in the article is the quote, "The huge appetite is there, but it's not being satisfied.”

Ungoliant is running out of orcs and seemingly planet to devour.

[Farael]

While browsing another thread, I ran into this...

Originally Posted by Essex

on another lotr site many years back now it seems, we had a lot of fun, ganshing of teeth, screaming, cursing etc on how on earth movie Gandalf caught up with 1/ his sword 2/ the balrog on his trip down the unmeasurable drop from the bridge of kazad dum. unfortunately the site seemed to go into decline and vanish a couple of years back (hence why I moved onto here)

Now, I know that at first it may seem that the laws of Physics have been violated, but upon further review, there is a very plausible explanation for all of this.

It all revolves around the concepts of Initial and Terminal Velocity.

To make our calculations easier, we will assign the -Y (NEGATIVE Y) direction as the positive for velocity (so falling means having a positive velocity, while jumping up has a negative velocity).

We can assume that the initial velocity of the Balrog is zero, as it is found at rest before the bridge breaks under him. Yet who is to say that the initial velocity of Gandalf and his sword is zero as well?

Furthermore, as there is no reason to assume that they were falling in vacuum, there must have been a specific terminal velocity for each of the objects, Istari or fallen (as in evil) Ainur. To refresh your memories, the terminal velocity is the velocity an object reaches when the acceleration of gravity is counteracted by air friction, to give a net acceleration of zero (and thus making velocity constant).

As terminal velocity depends on friction and friction depends on surface area, terminal velocity depends on surface area. Now, we know that Gandalf fought the Balrog before they reached the bottom of the pit, so he must have somehow caught up with him, which means that the Balrog must have had a greater surface area than Gandalf. Coincidentally, this is pretty conclusive evidence that Balrogs DO have wings, as what else could give him a higher surface area? But I digress, this is not the point of this essay.

Furthermore, what about initial velocities? and how does Gandalf ever catch up with his sword? after all, the sword sure does have a smaller friction (and thus a higher terminal velocity) than the other two falling objects.

Well, we know that Gandalf DOES recuperate his sword, so there is only one possible scenario, as far as I can see. Seeing that he was going to fall, and feeling that he was losing grip of his weapon, Gandalf decided to throw it upwards before he started falling. The initial velocity of the sword was Negative therefore it takes a longer time for it to catch up with the old Wizzard. By then, he is able to recuperate his wits (after the shock of being dragged down by the Balrog) and he can catch his sword mid-air, and then catch up with the fallen (and falling) Ainur.

Therefore, I ought to conclude, that what we read in the book (and see in the movie) is not only plausible, but also a logical explanation.

[The Elf-warrior]

Elves: Homo Quendi This is the original Eruian species. According to ancient records, it was the first humanoid species in Middle-earth, and the original population figure was one hundred forty-four. Studies of mitrochondrial DNA show at least seventy-five female ancestors, whereas half of one hundred forty-four is seventy-two. This can be reconciled with ancient records by the fact that sometimes elves and human intermarried. Only four cases are recorded in ancient records, the marriages of Beren and Lúthien, Idril and Tuor, and Aragorn and Arwen, and Imrazôr and Mithrellas. In none of these cases was the Elf a male. However, Lúthien's mother was a Maia, Melian by name. It is highly improbable that we will ever find the two missing female ancestors.

The question of Elven beards has been a considerable quandary to scientists. Ancient records say that the Elven ancestry of the humans of Dol Amroth was manifested by the absence of beards. However, it is the opinion of this author that these seemingly conflicting data can be reconciled by theorizing that humans never grow old enough to grow beards if they have Elvish genes.

According to new research published in the journal Civilization Lore the palantir was modeled after the Elvish eye. Both are farseeing, and furthermore both facilitate mind-to-mind communication. The user acts as the equivalent of the optic nerve. Traces of β-C3N4 (beta carbon nitride) and LiNbO3 (lithium niobate), which have been theorized to be the main compounds used to make the palantir.

Humans: Homo Sapiens This species needs little introduction, but the Middle-earth subspecies are of considerable interest to this piece.

Hobbits: Homo Sapiens Holbytlus The origins of this subspecies are shrouded in mystery, but the most probable theory is that it is an offshoot of Homo Sapiens. This subspecies is noted for it's high food consumption. This is partly due to an active metabolism, but it is also a cultural trait. It's also noted for it's hairy and leathery feet. Obesity is endemic among this subspecies.

The Dunedain are a classification conundrum. They are tenetively classified as Homo Sapiens OccasusThere are distinct physiological difference between the Men of the West and the other groups of Homo Sapiens, but there is a distinct Elvish strain among those with royal lineage. This is confirmed by their limited ability to foresee the future. The population of this subspecies was greatly reduced by the destruction of Numenor. There is no evidence that Black Numenoreans had higher than average levels of melanin pigmentation of the skin.