Qs and As about FOTR (the movie)... but I only want WRONG answers

[Lush]

Yavanna held the title of Miss Middle-Earth for an entire Age.
*******************************************
Who in Middle Earth loved kittens most of all?

[Ithaeliel]

Wouldn't ya believe it, it was Grisnakh. He had such a bad case of kitten codependency, he almost didn't leave home to travel with the Uruk-hai. (Probably shouldn't have, because now all his poor, poor kittens are homeless smilies/frown.gif)

Who was Morwen? What role did she play in the whole deelie?

[Uialellethwen]

Morwen invented the modern wheel in Middle Earth! ((I know it's really lame, but it was her part of the whole "wheelie" a.k.a. deelie...)) Because of the wheel, everyone was able to travel to their wars and what not in less time! ((I hope that's good enough)) --------Why did Saruman call himself Sharkù and try to take over the Shire?

[Lómelindi]

Saruman tried to take over the Shire because it is situated on top of an absolute ocean of oil reserves, and he thought that hobbit houses were nothing compared to black gold. He thought Sharkú sounded more powerful, and would have a better edge to it when he was introduced as an oil mogul.
----------------------------------
How was Middle-earth created?

[Daniel Telcontar]

Eru, the first baker in the world was tired of making honey cakes. So, he made a world, using sugar instead. The outcome was so good, that he couldn't eat the cake, he let it be and suddenly, it was populated.

What does Gandalf use his staff for?

[NicktheOrc]

Gandalf uses his staff to hit himself on the head with when he's bored.

Why do the eyes of the Nazgûl glow red?

[Daniel Telcontar]

They uses lenses, because they are embarrassed of using glasses. It seriously reduced the amount of fear and terror you can spread.

How did the Ring-wraiths become wraiths?

[NicktheOrc]

Well, this mime dude came along, but h didn't turn everything black and white, he sapped all of the colors from things! He made the Nine invisible.

Who forged Sting and why?

[Daniel Telcontar]

A giant who needed a toothstick large enough! He was bored, so he thought, I might as well give it some magical properties, now I'm at it.

Who lived in Southern Mirkwood?

[The Viking Thunder]

The great sheik Rattle Enroll and his loyal subjects, the dancing goombas.

What is a Silmaril?

[NicktheOrc]

Silmaril is a type of margarine.

Why did Merry stab the Witch-King in the calf?

[Daniel Telcontar]

He was blind because insects had flown into both his eyes, so he just hit randomly around himself and was lucky enough to hit the Witch-King.

What happened at the Pelennor Fields?

[NicktheOrc]

Stuff happened.

Why did Frodo wear the Ring on a chain around his neck?

[Daniel Telcontar]

because his fashion advisor told him to.

What happened to the Ring?

[NicktheOrc]

A giant killer spider ate it.

Why did Beren and Luthien confront Carcharoth with the Silmaril?

[Daniel Telcontar]

It was written in the stars, that they would have a blast if they did so.

Why was Gondolin destroyed?

[NicktheOrc]

It was destroyed because of the low amount of pornography that the local newsagency sold.

Someone else can answer your next question. I'll give them 5 minutes, or I'll take it.
Why does Gollum hiss?

[Daniel Telcontar]

He has a problem with his teeth, making it difficult for him to speak.

How did Bilbo get the Ring?

[NicktheOrc]

He got it at a pawn shop.

What place did the Witch-King rule?

[Daniel Telcontar]

The pizza delivery shop. He was the quickest pizza delivery boy that ever lived.

What is Minas Tirith?

[NicktheOrc]

It was a factory that made rings of power.

Who is Luthien?

[Daniel Telcontar]

She used to sing at the Prancing Pony, until she got bored and got adopted by an Elfking.

What does Morgoth?

[NicktheOrc]

He was a moose.

Who is the King of the Mark?

[Cimmerian]

It was a mistaken entry in the Red Book of Wesmarch, the proper sequence as 'The mark of the King'. This was in reference to Aragorn, as he was fond of leaving a little cross mark whenever he went and had a good time.

What was Galadriel's individual messages to the Fellowship?

[Susan Delgado]

Mark Anderson. A poor deluded fellow who thinks he's the King of all the Marks in the world.
------------------------------------------
Why does everyone have so many names?

[Susan Delgado]

She told everyone to keep their noses clean and wear clean underwear.
Question as above.

[Daniel Telcontar]

because, when making a loan in a bank without intention of paying it back, a false identity is good to have in your backpocket.

What did Aragorn do after the War of the Ring?

[Catherine]

He went to the mall cuz, he needed a new shirt, cuz he ripped his old one in a battle.

Question:What do Hobbits like to do in there spare time?

[Daniel Telcontar]

Mostly, they go to casinoes and have a swell time, playing for apples. (they have no other currency than food in the Shire)

Who is Arwen?

[ArwenBaggins]

A stripper in a bar in Bree who throughs out lembas as people walk in the door.

Q: What are Elves?
Q2: What is Mirkwood?

[Ithaeliel]

Elves are supposed to be "wise and beautiful," but in reality they're the evil little purple cockroaches that sneak into your house at night and raid your fridge.

Mirkwood was a theme park in Valinor, but then they moved it to Middle-earth and their stock crashed, so they just closed it and made it into a castle for the Elven-king *cough cough* Lord of the Cockroaches *cough*

How was golf invented in Middle-earth (this is a hard one because the real answer is already funny!)

[NicktheOrc]

Frodo was holding Sting and he tripped over and hit the ball into the air.

[Liriodendron]

Why was Bilbo called "Mad Baggins"?

[Nevfeniel]

Ever since Lobelia tried to take his spoons, Bilbo hasn't been very, well, happy. In fact he's been downright angry. Whenever someones says anything remotely linked to spoons, he cries out, "Lobelia, you make me so mad!" Apparently, someone forgot to tell him that he got his spoons back. smilies/rolleyes.gif
~*^*~*^*~*^*~*^*~^*~
If Saruman is of many colors, which one was his favorite and why?

[Daniel Telcontar]

His favorite color was red, because he loved strwberries.

What did Saruman do for a living?

[Anunia]

Well, Saruman was a very good fortune teller. People gave him insects (he collects them)to predict their future.

What is the Mirror of Galadriel?

[Ithaeliel]

A PC flatscreen model that is waterproof and portable and has a special software called Galadriel Images that will issue random images according to peoples' brainwaves.

Who was Lobelia Sackville-Baggins?

[Brinniel]

She was Sauron's personal maid.
********************************************
Who were Sam's kids, and what was special about each of them?

[Daniel Telcontar]

Sam's kids was Sauron and Gothmog, and the special thign about them was that they were some of the most evil creatures to walk the earth. Sam must be real proud of his children.

What did Frodo do after the War of The Ring?

[Brinniel]

He went straight to a bar and got drunk. And that is how Frodo became an alcoholic.
*********************************************
What was Legolas's fav hair style?

[Daniel Telcontar]

All shaved.

Why was Gimli so fond of his beard?

[Ithaeliel]

Because one time he went to a fashion show and a very very famous and renowned hairstylist said that it was flattering and would be the latest and greatest high fashion beardstyle once he got it out to the public. He's so proud because it started a trend.

How were the Uruk-hai made?

[Daniel Telcontar]

Sauron was bored, so he thought to himself: I am gonna make a new race of orcs. And so he did.

where did Saruman live?

[Brinniel]

In a pink house with pink walls and pink furniture. He also drove a pink car. (His girlfriend was Barbie.)
********************************************
How did the fellowship break up?

[Daniel Telcontar]

They had a farewell party, and then they split up, because they were tired of looking at each other's faces.

What was Gandalf's secret identity?

[Brinniel]

He's an FBI agent!
*********************************************
What is Pippin's fav drink?

[Catherine]

Water of course, he wouldn't want to get drunk.

Question:What is Frodo's favorite thing to do? smilies/tongue.gif

[Susan Delgado]

He just loves to go skydiving.
-----------------------------------
How did the Fellowship get into Moria?

[Ithaeliel]

By doing a very strange Pagan ritual where they muttered gibberish and groveled to the door and sacrificed fried chicken to it. The door-god of Moria eventually got so annoyed that it let them pass.

Where did the hobbits live? Describe the place.

[Lómelindi]

In a big, hollow tree where they bake cookies.
-------------------------
Who were the servants of the Nine Rings of Men?

[NicktheOrc]

They were Dork, Dumb, Dark, Dank, Dim, Dweeb, Dead, Dock and Dil.

[NicktheOrc]

Oh yea my question. What happened at the Ford of Bruinen?

[Ithaeliel]

Arwen, Frodo and the Nazgûl had a tea party. Arwen supplied all the food and tea, so when she ran out of scones, the head Nazgûl got really angry because scones were his favorite and he attacked Arwen, so she dumped him and all his other Nazgûl over the edge of the scenic balcony, where they went... TO SHEBALBA!!!! (If you haven't seen the Road to Eldorado, you wouldn't know)

How did Galadriel's mirror show images of the future?

[Catherine]

When you swim in it, it tells you the future.

Question:Why does Gimli have a beard?

[Lush]

As an environmentalist, Gimli has a beard to provide nesting space for poor displaced birds (cutting down forests is never a good idea, just ask the Ents!).
******************************************
What was Faramir's hobby?

[Cimmerian]

Collecting bits and pieces, shards if you will, of legendary swords so that one day he could be king.

----------------

What did Pippin see in the Palantir and how did he react?

[Nevfeniel]

Pippin saw that Hobbit Foot Locker was having a SHOE SAAAAAAAAAAALE! His reaction was a high-pitched squeal and then he jumped up and down for a few seconds, after that he grabbed Merry and went to Hobbiton Mall where they each bought three pairs of shoes before realizing that hobbits don't wear shoes. Unfortunately, Hobbit Foot Locker had a no-return policy. smilies/frown.gif
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
How much wood would a woodchuck- no wait a minute. . . smilies/biggrin.gif Okay, who were the first hobbits of the Shire?

[The Viking Thunder]

Bobcat, Vince McMahon, Dolly Parton and Britney Spears. smilies/biggrin.gif

---------

How were the Elves created?

[Lush]

The Elves were created out of sugar and spice and everything nice.
*******************************************
What were Boromir's last words?

[Daniel Telcontar]

"I always knew hobbits were dangerous to your health."

What was Legolas's favorite weapon, and why?

[Ithaeliel]

His favorite weapon was his voice. He blew up a good many bluebirds with his Princess Fiona impression.

How did Pippin become the Took and Thain?

[ June 29, 2002: Message edited by: Ithaeliel ]

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

A butterfly flapped his wings on the other side of Middle Earth. There may some truth to the Chaos Theory you know.

What is a Maia? (What is one seriously?)

[Lush]

A Maia is the Middle-Earth version of a barfly. (Gimli, if you want the real answer go to here, and look it up under "M" (http://www.glyphweb.com/arda/)).
*******************************************
What was Faramir's secret hide-out?

[Nevfeniel]

Chuck E. Cheese.
What is Lurtz's favorite food?

[ June 29, 2002: Message edited by: Nevfeniel ]

[Uialellethwen]

Vegetarian lasagna! Isn't it obvious that Lurtz loves vegetarian lasagna?Why did Bilbo give the ring to Frodo?

[ June 29, 2002: Message edited by: Uialellethwen ]

[Brinniel]

Lurtz is a vegetarian, so he prefers tofu out of anything else.
*********************************************
What did Legolas do when he saw a Nazgul in the sky?

[Nevfeniel]

1. Bilbo gave the ring to Frodo because Frodo kept whining that he wanted a ring of power, too. Bilbo got tired of it, and went ahead and gave it to him, muttering that the Elves that he was going to live with don't like gold jewelry anyways.
2. When Legolas saw the Nazgul, he screamed and ran for cover.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How did my dog contribute to the destroyance (is that a word?) of the ring?

[Lush]

Bilbo gave the Ring to Frodo because he was allergic to gold. And when Legolas saw the Nazgul in the sky, he did what any self-respecting Elf would do: he cried like a girl.
*******************************************
Whom did Maeglin love?

[Lush]

HAHAHAHAHA!!! We posted at the same time. Alright then, dearest Nevfeniel (your question is cooler anyway), I will tell you that your dog contributed to the destruction of the Ring by jumping up and biting Gollum in the butt, thus causing him to fall over at the crucial moment.
My question is the same as above.

[Brinniel]

Britney Spears. He was devastated when she dumped him for Justin.
*********************************************
What war took place during Lord of the Rings?

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

The Cold War, what else? smilies/rolleyes.gif Don't you people learn anything in history class?
============================================
Who was Eru?

[Ithaeliel]

Oh God, don't you people remember ANYTHING??? Eru is my dog, and is named so because of the sound that she makes in substitue for a bark (seriously, she does go, "ERUUUUUUU!")

What happened at Swanhaven?

[Brinniel]

It got taken over by Walmart and all the little people who work there.
*********************************************
Name the gods of the Elves and what each one did.

[Cimmerian]

Rufus, the big kahuna of all elven gods. He played a mean lead guitar in the Ainur choir.

Malmo, number two. He was in charge of cutlery.

Raspberi, numero tres. She raced around the undying lands and counted heads.

And finally

ChivasRegal, the faithless. He started the whole union of labourers thing.
---------------------

What did Denethor name his sons after?

[Brinniel]

He named Boromir after his pet guinea pig and named Faramir after a city in Antarctica ( Population: Humans-2, Penguins-1,000). Wait, there's a city in Antarctica?
*********************************************
What do hobbits do to prevent sunburn?

[Catherine]

They wear suntan lotion.

Question: What is Gandalf favorite thing to do?

[Nevfeniel]

Skip through fields of flowers, while singing Oh, what a beautiful mooooorning, oh what a beautiful daaaaaay! Sorry if I get that song stuck in some people's heads.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How did Boromir die?

[Ithaeliel]

He went into the tofu factory and never... came... out... agaaaaain... okay maybe he did, but not as Boromir.

How did the two trees of Valinor die and who was their killer?

[Brinniel]

The trees were killed by the Fellowship of the Ring by smell. Whooh, can we get some deoderant around here?
********************************************
How do elves entertain themselves?

[Ithaeliel]

They drink, drink, drink till the cows come home!! And even then they drink! And they entertain themselves by sharing all the funny pictures they see in their heads!!!! Nyahahahaha!

*Ahem*

Whom did the ruffians call Sharkey?

[Lothiriel Silmarien]

The ruffians called Arwen Sharkey.

Who is the rightful heir to the throne of Gondor?

[Brinniel]

Pippin, of course. Gandalf always knew that he would've made a great king!
********************************************
Whom did Sam marry?

[Ithaeliel]

Shakira.

Who planted the mallorn tree? What was so great about it?

[Brinniel]

My dog did and the reason it was special was because it grew meat balls. "On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese....."
********************************************
How did Frodo destroy the ring? Who helped?

[Ithaeliel]

Frodo destroyed the ring by dipping it in hot chocolate and eggplant shell sauce fifteen times and then leaving it where Scooby Doo could find it, thus Scooby Doo helped destroy the ring

What line of kings is Aragorn derived from?

[Brinniel]

Didn't you know he was French? I hope he did not suffer the same fate as his great-great-grandpa, Louis XVI.
*********************************************
Where did Faramir take Frodo and Sam?

[Lush]

He took them out for a night on the town. I won't get into the scary details of how Sam got sloshed and attempted to kiss Gollum...Though he claimed later that he though Gollum was Rosie...Yeah, whatever, buddy.
********************************************
Who did Eowyn disguise herself as?

[Brinniel]

An ophilaunt(sp?). Must have been a good disguise. Sam fell for it.
*********************************************
What were the Ringwraiths' weapons?

[Catherine]

What were the Ringwraiths' weapons?
Their weapons were slabs of meat.

Question:Who did Aragorn marry?

[Nevfeniel]

The whole Aragorn-marrying-Arwen thing is purely myth. It is known for a fact, however, that Aragorn did marry Tina Turner. What Aragorn and Arwen did behind closed doors is their own bussiness. . . (sorry, couldn't resist)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
How many meals do hobbits eat each day?

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

That all depends. If he's sick and has a terrible stomach ache, at the very most, only, say, 65?
============================================
Who was Gollum before he became Gollum as we know him?

[Catherine]

Gollum was some hot dude who looked like Orlando Bloom.

Question:How did Gollum first get the ring?

[ June 30, 2002: Message edited by: Catherine ]

[Susan Delgado]

The ring is bubkus! He found it in a Cracker Jack box! (absolutely couldn't resist smilies/smile.gif)
---------------------------------------
Why did Sam dislike Gollum so? Did it have anything to do with Frodo? If yes, what?

[Catherine]

It did have something to do with Frodo, Sam thought that Frodo liked Gollum better and he was jealous.

Question:How did Boromir die?

[Lothiriel Silmarien]

He got stabbed by his best friend.

What elf got a tattoo?

[Lush]

Elrond got hammered one night in a pub in Bree, and when he woke up there was a "Mum" tatoo on his chest.
********************************************
What was Gimli's motto?

[Thinhyandoiel]

Always trust an Elf.
---
Q: What was Legolas' motto?

[Brinniel]

"If a creature that is bigger than you attacks, scream and run for it."
*********************************************
What is Gollum talking about when he mentions his precious?

[Cimmerian]

Legolas' motto is "Keep on trick or treating!"

WOW, beaten by a split second by Brinniel,

Gollum was talking about Samwise.
-----------------------------

Q - Who was Ugluk?

Q2 - Is this the last page?

[ July 01, 2002: Message edited by: Cimmerian ]

[Susan Delgado]

1. Ugluk is the half Rat Terrier, half Chihuaha that follows Grishnak around and gets on everybody's nerves.
2. I think so, which is too bad, because this is a fun game.
--------------------------------------------
What were the Orcs hoping to get when they hobbit-napped Merry and Pippin?

[Brinniel]

They were hoping to get a hold of the hobbits' pipe weed.
********************************************
What happened in the old forest?

[Cimmerian]

A Birthday party for Elvis!

------------------------------

Q- What was Saruman called by Elves in the first Age?

------------------

WE CAN ALWAYS START ANOTHER THREAD! smilies/wink.gif

[Brinniel]

Darth Vador.
********************************************
What was Shelob and where did she lurk?

[Sharkû]

I shudder at the thought of what this thread has cost us in bandwidth, being that it has 853 posts without any real point.