101 Things LOTR Characters Would Never Say

[Nevfeniel]

Ghân-buri-Ghân: Me no help you. Wild Men no play with food. Get in pot.
http://www.gamers-forums.com/smilies/otn/laughing/yelrotflmao.gif
http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/laugh.gif
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I think the smilies say it all. That was hillarious!

[ October 09, 2002: Message edited by: Nevfeniel ]

[Diamond18]

Faramir: "What is your name? Whence do you come? And whither do yuo go? What is your business?"

Gollum: "I don't know. Mesa day startin pretty okee-day with a brisky morning munchy, then BOOM! Gettin very scared and grabbin that hobbit and POW! Mesa here! Mesa very scared!"

Faramir: "The punishment for entering the Forbidden Pool unbidden is death!"

Gollum: "How wude!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gandalf after fighting the Balrog: "ADRIENNE!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Frodo, after entering Bag-end and finding the Ring on the floor where Bilbo dropped it: "Well, ruffle my hair and call me Bingo! What's this?"

[ October 10, 2002: Message edited by: Diamond18 ]

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

lol, Bingo...

Diamond, did you really read the whole thread in one go? REALLY? I take my hat off to you.


Cirdan: Shiver me timbers!


Eomer: I am Eomer Son Of Eomund.

Aragorn: And I am Aragorn Son Of Arathorn, Elessar, the Elfstone, Dunadan, Ranger of the North, Rightful King of Gondor and Arnor, Descendent of Numenor, Westernesse, and heir of Isildur Elendil's Son of Gondor.

Eomer: *mumbles* hmmm..Aragorn son of Gondor, Elfman, Mr Bigshot... *mumble*

Aragorn: Hey, I can't help being the Man now can I?

[Elenna]

Elrond: There's hope, there's help, there's Rogaine.

[Diamond18]

Diamond, did you really read the whole thread in one go? REALLY?

Really and truly, I did indeed!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Legolas: "Goblins and Orcs and Trolls, oh my!"

The sons of Fëanor: "Silmarils? What are those?"

[ October 19, 2002: Message edited by: Diamond18 ]

[TealDude3]

Aragorn in Gondor: "I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!"

Sam: "I made a promise, Mr. Frodo. A promise.
Pyche! I lyied! See ya!"

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Queen Beruthiel: Actually I'm more of a dog person.

Denethor: Everyone warms to the magic of a real fire.

Grishnákh: The cause of suffering is desire. I shall meditate, find my centre, and then seek a new solution to this difficulty

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Sauron: You kill one Man they call you a murderer. Kill a million Men they call you the Dark Lord. Man, I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadd!!!

Saruman: What right did I have to kill them? Tell me Theoden, what right did I have to let them live?

Saruman: Grima, run down to the store and get some milk won'tcha?

Faramir: oh God, termites!

[Cyborg8844]

here's one:

{the conclusion of Bilbo's book as seen at Rivendel}:and I lived happily ever after until killed myself because I was so depressed from living happily ever after.

[ November 24, 2002: Message edited by: Lostrambaion ]

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Frodo: Hey guys, I realise we've done this charity thing before but barrowdowns.com needs us!

Sam: What's happening Mr Frodo?

Frodo: The thread '101 things LotR characters would never say' is getting punked out by the other threads.

Merry: Oh yeah, look here. They've even got an identical thread here too! The nerve!

Aragorn: Gee, look at all this inferiority. We've been slacking guys.

Boromir: You're right. So what should we do.

Frodo: We need to give character quotes that are totally out of character, for comedy purposes.

Faramir: Oh yeah! Like, Saruman would never say "Save the whales"

Saruman: That's good, man

Frodo: That's the spirit!

[raci]

Funny, Lostrambaion. Can you see Frodo stoned out of his mind on pipeweed and wearing a t-shirt that says "I'm so happy I could die" smilies/smile.gif smilies/tongue.gif

[Phanatik]

Aragorn after killing group of orcs: Yes! That was worth 500 experience points!

[Lindril Arvilya]

Sauron: Thank you, and have a nice day. smilies/smile.gif

Aragorn: So chaps, who's our navigator of the day? Boromir, is it? Well, congratulations, Boromir. Where are we going today?
(I wonder...)

Ringwraith: Hi... I'm called the Witchking of Angmar, and I'm a ringaholic. *sympathetic nods from Frodo, Gollum, Saruman, and Sauron sitting in the circle*

Ringwraith: *to the other eight* Guys... do you ever feel a bit down? Depressed even?

[Diamond18]

A scene after the War of the Ring:

Sam: "Oh dear, moths have been chewing on my clothes while I was gone on the Quest. How am I to marry Rose in this moth-eaten old suit?"

Pippin: "Why, buy a new one, of course. And in the future, when you store it, you would do well to use paradichlorobenzene. You can make it yourself: it is a white crystalline compound (C6H4Cl2) made by chlorinating benzene; and it works wonders as a fumigant against clothes moths."

Sam: "Gee...thanks..."

[ November 26, 2002: Message edited by: Diamond18 ]

[ November 27, 2002: Message edited by: Diamond18 ]

[the witch king]

Elrond on Sauron talking at the council: "for god sake he's not that bad cut him some slack!"

[the witch king]

bilbo wrighting the end of his book "and non of them where ever happy again and died shortly after from a horrific and painfull disease" lol

[Phanatik]

Boromir at Amon Hen: Mommy!

[ElentariGreenleaf]

Sauron: Saruman, would you like to look after things today? I need to add some more flame to my eye.
~~~
Sam <<about Frodo>>: NO! <<that's minus the Mr Frodo, no.>>
~~~
Elrond: Sure, the ring can stay here.
~~~
Aragorn: Sorry Frodo, can't save you today. I'm going on a date with Arwen.
*Hear Frodo screaming in the background of their date!*
~~~
Gandalf: YOU CANNOT OFFER ME THIS RING! I'm alergic to Gold.
~~~
Pippin: The square root of pi multiplied by cosine.... <<you get the idea>>
~~~
Gimli: Galadriel is uglier than an orc!

[Inderjit Sanghera]

Sam: No Mr Frodo I don’t find you remotely sexually attractive.

Sam: Mr Frodo, you really are a twerp!

Gandalf: I’ve found the ring Elrond! The one ring!
Elrond: *Yawns* Tell that to someone who gives a damn!

*Saruman and Sauron are having a conversation In the Palantir*

Saruman: * In girly tone of voice* Hi ya loverboy!
Sauron: * In Pierce Brosnan voice* Well, hello. Umm, you’re looking very fine today!
Saruman: Not looking to shabby yourself. I just brought a new dress from that Versace shop. Does my bum look big in this new dress? *Twirls around*
Sauron: Oh, yum, yum. You know how I think you’ve got a GREAT body Saruman. Personally, I think you look better in many colours rather then white!
*Saruman peers into the Palantir* Saruman: Wait, who’s that moving in the background on your bed?
Sauron: That’s err….errr… the err…plumber.
Saruman: Wait a minute, that’s Shagrat isn’t it? You ******* ! You told me you wouldn’t cheat on me any more! You told me you loved me! *Sobs*
Sauron: Er…yeah, about that, you’re dumped. Shagrat makes me feel wanted! He doesn’t just use me for the sex! He makes me feel like a man! HE loves me!
Shagrat: Yeah, that’s right sharku! Sauron’s my man now! *Pinches Sauron’s bum*
Sauron: *Giggles* Oh, Shagrat, you’re such a flirt!
Saruman: but…but… My love! I’ll change! I can’t live without you!
Sauron: O shut up, you little tart! And by the way, I want all my things back, including my ‘ABBA’ collection. I’ll be sending Khamul over immediately. Don’t get me wrong, you were good for a while and we had a real special thing going, but Shagrat makes me feel special!
Saruman: *In a huff* Well, marry him then!
Sauron: *In a low tone of voice* Well, I’m thinking about proposing to him, but I need to get a really special ring to propose to him! So I’m thinking of getting that ring that I lost a few thousand years ago. You know the one that caused all that huzzah!
Saruman: *Rubs his hands together* Oh we’ll see about that! Yes we will! Mwahahahahah! With the one ring , then Sauron will have no choice but to marry me and love me! Yes, you’ll be mine Sauron! All mine! *Laughs Manically*
*Gandalf enters the room*
Gandalf: You cannot use material things like the ring to make Sauron love you Saruman. He has to love you for what you are and who you are. The love between Shagrat and Sauron is pure and beautiful, I will not let you disrupt that!
Saruman: Why yes Gandalf you’re right! Who wants world domination and Sauron when I’ve got all I want right here, in front of me! *Stares at Gandalf longingly and rips off white dress* Oh take me now Gandalf!
Gandalf: I THOUGHT I made myself clear in Valinor Saruman! I don’t want you!
*Saruman puts his clothes back on* Saruman: Oh why doesn’t anybody want me? Will I always be unloved?
* Suddenly Grima Wormtounge walks in the room* Grima: I love you master!
Saruman: What? But I thought you were with Eowyn!
*Wormtounge grimaces* Wormtounge: Uh, I dumped that broad! I felt that she was cramping my style!
Saruman: Oh Wormtounge! Wormtounge: Oh ,Saruman!
*They run to each other and meet in the middle of the room and kiss*
Saruman: I’ve loved you since the first time I glanced upon your beauty!
*Suddenly Eowyn rushes into the room*
Eowyn: Oh, Wormtounge, my love! Don’t’ leave me! I can’t live without you! I don’t want to be stuck with that terrible Faramir! Yuk!
Saruman: U-G-L-Y, you ain’t got no alibi, ugly, Oooh-Oooh u ugly! U ugly! Besides Wormtounge is MY man now, ain’t you dear!
Wormtounge: Of course, I always be yours.! *They walk off into the distance, with ‘Love is in the air in the background.
*Gandalf turns towards Eowyn* Gandalf: So, Eowyn…do you like err…stuff?

*Gandalf and Denethor greet each other*

Denethor: Hey, Gandalf, old buddy! Long time no see!

Gandalf: Smoke…smoke weed every day! Na-na-na-na-na! It’s that one and only G-A-N-D-A-L-F! *In the background* Gandalf!

Frodo: No Sam, I must make the trip to Mordor alone!
Sam: *Shrugs shoulders* Yeah, O.K whatever. I’ll be in Ayia Napa if you need me! Good luck!

Elrond: Frodo show everyone the ring!
*Frodo brings out the ring*
Glorfindel: Mamma Mia! It’s da ring-a!

*Gandalf has just given his speech in the ‘black speech’*
Elrond: Those words have never been spoken here before Gandalf!
Gandalf: Yeah, bloody crying shame isn’t it?

Elrond: You will be betrothed to no woman yet Aragorn!
Aragorn: What about Arwen.
Elrond: Arwen? Oh that’s a different matter! Take her!

*Sauron is having a conversation with Melkor*
Sauron: Well, Melkor ,I’ve thinking about it, and I feel that I need a image change! Say hello to Captain Nippletwister, Lord of the badgers!

*Nazgul knocks on the door, to be greeted by Frodo*
Frodo: Yes, what do you want?
Nazgul: The ring, please!
Frodo: Great, do you want fries with that?

Gollum: Hey everyone, I’m thinking about a career move form being a popstar! I’m thinking of becoming a English teacher!

Gandalf: “ Oh, good work Pippin! Ain’t you a good boy?”
Mandos: “Wassssup? Let’s Partaaaay

[Krumtakh the Obtuse]

My goodness.... I just read all 13 pages of this.. oh my. I didn't think it was possible to post that many funny things, but I guess I was wrong. Heres my try at it, anyway:

Saruman to Gandalf:I get HBO free through the palantir, you know.

Nazgul 1:I don't know about these black robes, it just isn't my color.
Nazgul 2:Trust me, they're great. Black just slims your figure right down!

Eye of Sauron:What do I need with a ring anyway? I can't where it.

(I got this from a comic I saw on theonering.net)
Saruman: Darn, I mixed the colors with the whites again!

[Arwen Melian]

Diamond(Sarah....yea i remember your name...how could i forget if i practically share the name) I loved your play on star wars when jarjar binks meets padme...only i guess this time jar jar was gollum..haha1

[Diamond18]

Thanks smilies/smile.gif , and so I guess that would make Padmé...Faramir. Frightening thought, that. smilies/wink.gif

Boromir: "Frodo, will you not take my advice?"
Frodo: "I know what you would say, and it would seem like wisdom but for the warning in my heart."
Boromir: "No, you don't know what I was going to say! You don't understand a thing about me...I'm so misunderstood! Why does everyone think that I have a one track mind that can be read like an open book??"
Frodo: "You're mixing your metaphors."
Boromir: "I don't care! I am very upset right now at the way I'm being treated. You won't even listen to me; your mind has clanged shut like an iron door!"
Frodo: "Oh, fine, just say it already."
Boromir: "I think I like chocolate better than vanilla. Vanilla is so...I don't know...vanilla, y'know? My brother likes vanilla, but he would."
Frodo: "Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?"
Boromir: "Should there be anything else?"

[Arwen_Evenstar]

Greetings!
I really couldn't be bothered to go through all 14 pages so these or similar ones may have already been posted:
Treebeard: Come onnnnn! Huurrryyyy uuuupppp! Do you think isengard will overthrow itself? Lets move move move!
(sorry thats kinda weak smilies/frown.gif )

Sauruman: We must join with him Gandalf, it would be wise...

Gandalf: Tell me friend, when did Sauruman the wise abandon reason for madness!!!?

Sauraman:Wellll it all started....

~10 minutes later~

Sauruman(crying): I just wanna be loved man, You know? He offered me love! And a family! And my own army and everything!

[Sauron999]

Sauron singing to the ring:
I will survive

First I was afraid, I was petryfied
Kept thinkin´I could never live without you by my side
But than I spent so many nights thinkin´ how you did me wrong
And I grew strong and I learned how to get along

And so you´re back
From the Baggins place
you just came back i found you here with that sad look upon your face
I should changed that stupid look

I should have made you leaving me
If I ´ve known for just one second
You´d be back to bother me

Go on now
Walk out the door
fall in the fire now
cause You´re not welcome anymore
Weren´t you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
Did you think I´d lay down and die
Oh no
No I I will survive
Oh
As long as I know how to rule I know I´ll stay alive
I´ve got all my power to live
I´ve got all my hate to give
And I´ll survive I will survive Hey Hey


and so on smilies/smile.gif

Sauron to Frodo after getting him at the crack of doom: "After all, you're right. I don't need that thingie. It's evil! Just throw it down there. Gollum, stay. Stay! Gollum, I said stay! You don't need the ring. I got a nice fishy-fishy for you."
Frodo throws the ring down into the fire, you hear a distant "puff".
Sauron: "Now that's over. Don't you think I was getting tired of that?"

[Sauron999]

and by the way, the comparison of Saruman and Wormtongue was brilliant!

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Saruman: Well Grima, I've just received my bill for this month.

Grima: Yes master?

Saruman: Have you been watching 'those' channels again through my palantir?

Grima: No! Of course not!

Saruman: *folds arms and gives stern look*

Grima: Ok, ok! I'm sorry! I couldn't help it! It was so tempting!

Saruman: Pah! You sicken me. Now run along and tell me how my slaves are doing...

[Konarmi]

Frodo: take the ring, Gandalf!!

Gandalf: I cannot, in my desire to do good... ah f*ck it.. Gimme the ring boy!!

[bombur]

Legolas: Iä iä Sub Nigurath, the black goat of the woods!

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Gandalf: Hmmm... another split end. I must get a haircut as soon as I reach Lothlórien.

[Airehiriel]

Frodo: Hey, Gollum, can you hold the ring for me for just a second?

Sam: That Gollum, he's not such a bad guy.

Future hobbit children: Nooooo, not the story of Frodo and Sam AGAIN! I hate that story, it's so boring.

Treebeard to Saruman: I love what you've done to the place.

Sauron: Why won't they quit picking on me?
I want my mommy!

[Daewen]

Here's a few for you. Enjoy!

Legolas: Oops I did it again, I made you believe, we're more than just friends. Oh Gimli...

Denethor: Faramir! I am so glad to see you! Come here, son! *big hug* I love you, man!

Galadriel: Dude, let's go surfing!

Legolas: *burp* So who's up for another round of Jack Daniels on me? *scratches rump*

Saruman: *tye-dye shirt and bell bottoms, waving protest sign in the air on the slopes of Mt. Doom* Hey, man, give peace a chance! *eyes Gandalf* Make love, not war! *winks*

Pippin to Merry in Moria: Hm...not bad.
(Merry stares at him)
Pippin: What? I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here, but the endless rock caverns are actually quite lovely.

(i'll give u more soon!)

[My Cat Sasha]

Gandalf: Pick a card! Any card!

Gollom: *says something in first person*

[Daewen]

Ok, here's my own little version of LOTR I will Survive. Thanx 2 Saruman999 for the insparation *hug*

Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli: Oh! We will survive! Just as long as we know how to fight we know we'll stay alive. Cus we've got all these orcs to kill, and rescue Merry and Pippin still. We will Survive! We will Survive! We will Surviiiiiiiive!

And why not do a little bit of Avril Levinge since my little brother is listening to her CD right now?

Uruk-Hai: He was a Gondor boi, I said see you later boi, but how many arrows must I waste? He had a pretty face, which I'm gonna toss up to space. It's never gonna come back down to earth...

And how about some country *gag, choke*

Arwen to Ringwraiths: Yippie ty yi yo, get along little Nazgul. It's your misfortune and none of my own. Yippie ty yi yo, get along little Nazgul, or the bottom of this river's gonna be your new home.

What do you think??

[Horse-Maiden of the Shire]

the Uruk-hai (this will be kind of weak)
Running towards Helm's Deep, they see a huge mud puddle
Leader: Men, lets turn back! We cant cross this! We'll get our feet dirty!
All the Uruk-hai: NOOO! We just got pedicures!!!
and all this after being born out of muck??
LOL smilies/wink.gif

[King Turgon]

Don't know if these were posted before, but:
Frodo: Let's stop at McDonald's before we toss this ring.

Isiduir: Okay Elrond,I'll toss the ring.

Reporter: So Mr.Frodo you've destroyed the ring and saved the world,what are you going to do know?

Frodo: I'm going to disneyland!

[Daewen]

Here are a few more...

Aragorn to Boromir: Oh my Gawd, Boromir! Will you quit hitting on me! You think I don't know what you really mean when you're talking about how big the horn of Gondor is?

Aragorn to Arwen: Hey! WHy do you have that leather whip? We've never used that...and that looks like Legolas's shirt...ARWEN!!!

Galadriel: *eyes Legolas lustily* I have...more...than just a bow to...give...to you Legolas...

**yes i know i'm very perverted at the moment**

[Annunfuiniel]

Why to start a new thread while this is still fully "operating"? smilies/wink.gif
---------
Pippin: Yes, that sounds like a good idea but shouldn't we first consider all the possibilities, strategy etc.?

Mandos(not exactly a LOTR character but anyway...): ...and they lived all happily ever after!

Saruman: Make peace not war! Let's go and HUG THE TREES!

[ March 24, 2003: Message edited by: Annunfuiniel ]

[tifo_gcs]

Treebeard finally finds the entwives: "Come on baby light my fire..."

[Quirkette]

Tom Bombadil:

Hey dol merry dol fa la the willow!
My shrink says I can't help these whimsical outbursts!
And my boots are yellow!
Sorry about that!

Goldberry:

Tom, you forgot your medication again.

[Peri]

Gandalf: "Frodo, gimme the ring. I've decided that I want it afterall."

Gimli(in FOTR): "I love elves and elves love me!"

Aragorn: I just can't wait to be king! (sorry, had to do it) smilies/smile.gif

[Lathriel]

Witch king to Eowyn: Want to take a ride. We'll fly where ever you want to go.

Merry and Pippin: We are stuffed, we can't eat another bite.

[Horse-Maiden of the Shire]

I apologize for repeats.

Boromir: Gondor? Pff! Screw Gondor! Let's go set fire to Minas Tirith! I hate that damned White City!

Pippin: I'm an AA member!

[Brinniel]

Eowyn: OH MY GAWD! I like totally decided to join the Rohan cheerleading squad! I mean, like why would you want to get dirty when you can look pretty and still work hard? Plus, the pom-poms are totally awesome! GO ROHAN!!!! Whoooo!!!! *jumps up and down squealing*

[Ainaserkewen]

Hee Hee.
Gandalf:Put on a few pounds there eh Shadowfax?
Shadowfax:Look who's talking blubber butt!
Gandalf:I know, I didn't know you could talk!

Sauron:Oh my God!

Gandalf:Hey there Denethor, I've got great news for you!

Nazgul:EEEEEKKKK!(Jumping on chairs)HOBBITS!

Gollum:See ya later guys, smeagols off to work on his tan.

Elrond: YOu shouldn't stay in middle earth Arwen.
Arwen: your right dad, hey, I hope someone's not quoting me on this.

Orcs: Toga! Toga!

Pippin: That's a proper orc drought that was.

An old gaffer in an inn: That was a proper 1420 that was.

[My Cat Sasha]

Aragorn: Happy Birthday Arwen! *hands her a small box*
Arwen: Aw, You're so sweet! *opens gift. It's a mood ring* It's beautiful! *puts on mood ring*
Aragorn: Look! It's blue! That means you're content!
Arwen: Just what do you mean by <i>that?</i>
*mood ring turns black*
Aragorn: Uh-oh...

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Sam: Mr Frodo, you can't hardly walk. I'll have to carry you up the mountain.

Frodo: Would you give it a rest Sam? All I hear every single day is Mr Frodo, Mr Frodo! Can I carry your backpack, would you like some of my water, Mr Frodo, shall I sing you a song, can I give you a goddam backrub?!! Mr Frodo, Mr Frodo, MR FRODO!" My name, Sam, is MR BAGGINS! You got that? B-A-G-G-I-N-S!!!!!!!!! I am your EMPLOYER, not your friend, and you shall address me with RESPECT!

Sam: Gee, I'm sorry Mr Frodo...

Frodo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGHH!!!!!!!!!!!! !!

Gollum: Wow, even I didn't know he was that stressed.

[ April 02, 2003: Message edited by: Eomer of the Rohirrim ]

[the guy who be short]

Aragorn: i will tell you the lay of jil-jalad
Frodo: who was jil-jalad?
Aragorn:
Jil-jalad was an elven guy
from him the bakers made a pie
a pie that had a nice thick crust
to see it was to for it lust

its crust was thick, its base was deep
it was enough to make one weep
the thousand starts in heavens sky
were nothing compared to this succulent pie

but long ago it passed away
what happened to it? none can say
some say twas eaten by some guy
thus came the end of this succulent pie

frodo: It's so moving...

[One Axe to Rule them All]

Sauron, what's the big deal about the ring anyways? I can get along fine without it.....

[the guy who be short]

manwe: heh, heh... my plot for world domination is almost complete. all i need is a pomegranate and a chipmunk...

yavanna: burn you goddamn trees! burn! haha! die!

tulkas: ooh, lets check my schedule for today... first flower arranging, then dancing through the woods... lalalala

varda: how on arda did i get my throwing stars stuck in space? now how am i supposed to defend myself?

morgoth: i declare, old bean, why dont we just end this silly old fighting, eh, old fruit? lets go singing into the trees-
(cut off by yavanna, who launches herself at him, crying: dont you touch my trees)

gimli: oh, toss me, toss me, its so fun! by the beard! please, by the beard!

legolas: a red sun rises. it will be sunny today
gimli: you dont say? stupid elf
legolas: *punches gimli, then killls, skins and eats him*

ok, dont mind their weirdness... im insane you see. its a condition. meeeeeep

[Mike Wakouskie]

Small green hobbit with one eye: MIKE WAKOUSKIE!!!!!!! smilies/tongue.gif

[GaladrieloftheOlden]

Aragorn(in song): I am the very model of a modern major general... Where have I heard that song before...? smilies/wink.gif
Tulkas: Oh, come on Melko, dude, make love not war... smilies/rolleyes.gif
Sorry. smilies/redface.gif

[One Axe to Rule them All]

"And another thing, how come there ain't any black hobbits anywhere in the world!?

I mean, you don't see any hobbit ghetto's, any hobbit gangsta's, no hobbit pimps, i mean it's JUST ANOTHER CRACKER PLOT FOR WORLD DOMINATION!!!"

-Frodo, after getting more drunk than Gandalf on mardi gras

RATE ME

[One Axe to Rule them All]

Arwen- "I want my pendant back, NOW!"

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Eomer: Now for wrath, now for ruin and a red nightfall!

Aragorn: Oh my Eomer, isn't it just SO pretty!

[Tinuviel the Nightingale]

LEGOLAS: You know, I think my pants are kinda riding up on me...

[merry03]

Merry: Pippin! I am so sick of you right now! You always said that you would leave me, then you turn around and run off with Gandalf and meet some other guys! Lord knows what you did with them! And you said you loved me!! *getting teary*

Pippin: Merry, I never meant to hurt you! You have to believe me. I would never do that to you!!

Merry: Really?

Pippin: I love you!

Merry: I love you too!

*hug each other*

Pippin: Yeah, every guy at Gondor was already taken, but they were no match to you!

I love Merry and Pippin, but I just wanted to put that in there!! smilies/biggrin.gif

[One Axe to Rule them All]

sam- "hey frodo, Up Yours!"

Gimli- " i feel like a natural womannnnn"

Arwen- "where's my middle-earth midol?!?!"

[stickifinger]

Celebrian: Orcs know how to party!

Gwahir: Not to worry. We'll take the ring. Back in a flash.

Galadriel: Oh Gimli, you say the sweetest thangs!

Arwen: Hey! If Legolas can take Gimli, why can't I take Aragorn? Not fair!

Cirdan: Tickets please.

[Senseless Skwerl]

hehee! these are fun!!...

gimli whilst fighting uruks: ahhhh!!! my axe is all dirty! *starts polishing it off*

aragorn when given narsil: i shall dub it babecatcher-- i mean, anduril! yeah, anduril! that's what i said... *shifty eyes*

frodo when getting the Ring: no! i don't want it! gold isn't my colour, you want to give me a ring, give me SILVER!!!

when sam jumps out to join the fellowship: frodo's not going anywhere without me! i have an investment of mushrooms with you that i'm not gonna throw away if you just happen to die, frodo!

[Horse-Maiden of the Shire]

Merry: Heh heh heh...can't wait for Pippin to sleep...bright shiny knife!

Pippin: Heh heh heh...can't wait for Merry to sleep...bright shiny knife!

[ April 21, 2003: Message edited by: Horse-Maiden of the Shire ]

[Aduyuldaiel-MirkwoodPrincess]

Galadriel: I think i'll make some potatoe salad in my mirror

[Daewen]

Legolas in the Battle of Helms Deep:
Everybody was Kung Fu fighting! huh! *stabs orc* Those cats were fast as lightening! huh! *stabs orc* It was a little bit frightening...

Gandalf: I'm too sexy for my robes...

The entire fellowship: *around the campfire singing* Kumbya my Lord, Kumbya...

Gimli: Everyone...I'm gay!

Saruman: *looks into palantir* Yes, um, can please have a large cheese pizza, a diet coke, and an order of breadsticks please? Twenty minutes? Ok thanks...

[ April 22, 2003: Message edited by: Daewen ]

[Airehiriel]

Sam quoting anything from Shakespeare or Albert Einstein equations, or pretty much anything else that might be considered 'higher learning'. Not that I don't think he could if he wanted to...after all, Bilbo did learn him his letters.

[One Axe to Rule them All]

HEY!, the Kung-fu fighting was my post!

THIEF!!!

[Daewen]

sorry...it was really good....

[Daewen]

Elrond: Right so I was like, dude and he was all like, dude and then we're both all like, dude...

Frodo: Cool, a giant spider! That's one more for the exotic instect scavenger hunt.

Legolas: Life is pain highness...anyone who tells you differently is trying to sell you something...

Gimli: *watching a Walk to Remember* *sniff* Oh my gawd, he married her! Aww...how romantic...*sob, grabs tissue*

Legolas: I'm an Elf! I'm in Elf in tights! I roam around the forest looking for fights! I'm an Elf...an Elf in tights...tight tights...

*I hope you've all seen a Knights Tale...*
Aragorn: Grr...you're just a silly girl!
Arwen: Better a silly girl with a flower than a silly boy with a horse and a stick. *walks away*
Legolas:...It's called a sword, hello...

[Daewen]

*~*C'mon people let's keep this thing going*~*

Gimli: Voulex vou couche avec moi...

Aragorn: Hit me baby one more time!

[Yavanna Kementari]

*imagines Gandalf at the front yelling orders as they travel*
Gandalf: "Foward, March!"
Gandalf: "I don't know but I've been told,"
The Fellowship: 'repeats'
Gandalf: "Saruman is really old,"
The Fellowship: 'repeats'
Gandalf: "He's a traitor yes he is,"
The Fellowship: 'repeats'
Gandalf: "Now I am the Mighty Wiz. Sound off!
T.F. "One, Two,"
Gandalf: "Sound off"
T.F. "Three, Four,"
Gandalf: "Bring it on up now"
T.F. "One, Two, Three, Four,..One..Two ThreeFour!"
Yavanna to Aule: "Go ahead honey cut down the old ones first!" smilies/eek.gif

Thats all the time I have, sorry if you didn't think it was funny. My jaw hurts as well!! smilies/smile.gif I like Aragorns "I am a mondern Major General!!LOL This thread is really Fun!! smilies/biggrin.gif ~(~<~> Yavanna

[Tinuviel the Nightingale]

Wargs approach, just before the Fellowship gets to Moria's gate.

Legolas: Screams like a girl, tosses away his bow, picks up his skirts and runs.

Rest of the Fellowship: And why did we bring him again?

See my sig. as well.

[Rindoien, elf of Lothlorien]

Isildur: I think I'll throw this ring into Mount Doom

Sauron: Who cares about the one ring? Not me!

Eowyn: I'll just stay home and make Eomer some new clothes

Sam: Yes, Gandalf, I was eavesdropping

[Yavanna Kementari]

Daewen, I love the Knights Tale thing!! LOL
The Elf in tights thing is really funny too! smilies/biggrin.gif
How about this ( Another Matrix parody)

Elrond: Come with us Mister Greenleaf

Leglolas: The Name IS LEGO!! smilies/cool.gif

Nah, that was dumb.
Let me try again.

A long long time ago:
Deagol is eating a box of cracker jacks and picks out a ring and Gollum takes it from him.

the 2nd age

Frodo is eating a box of cracker jacks, pulls out another One ring.

Frodo: Wow, hey Uncle Bilbo looky what I found!

Bilbo, upset and astounded, rushes over to compare the two.

Bilbo : I don't believe it!

Sam comes bumbling up the walk to Bag End, pops his head in the window and with a mouth choc-full-o cracker jacks and exclaims,'Miffer Frodo, Loo wha I found!', as chewed carmel covered pop corn hits Bilbo's face.
Bilbo inspects Sams ring as well.

Bilbo: They are just cheap imitations.

Gollum sitting in the woods he is so fat he looks like a bloated frog with a humongous pile of empty cracker jack boxes on one side
and a giant pile of One rings in front of him.

Gollum: Ohh yessss, we have the Preciousesss now don't we. Yessss we has the preciousesssss. Because preciousss has had babiesss yess.

[ April 27, 2003: Message edited by: Yavanna Kementari ]

[Daewen]

Here are some more...

Aragorn: It's a bird, it's a plane, it's an eggsalad sandwich...
Bormir: No you idiot...
Both: It's Captian Underpants!!!

[lembasabmel]

Denethor: "Hey Faramir! Let's have a father/son bonding moment! You get the gasoline, I'll get the matches!"

Turin: I'm happy! I'm happy in my marriage, I'm happy in my life, I'm happy in my job! HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!

Peter Jackson: *Arwen* in the movie? ARWEN? Are you insane?!

[Tinuviel the Nightingale]

Gandalf is on top of Orthanc in the evil clutches of Saruman, bringer of all things Fluffy and Special. Suddenly a moth flies straight towards him.

Gandalf: "Arrggh! A moth!!!" (squish!)

[stickifinger]

Ted Sandyman: I want to hear more about Sam, dad. Why didn't they put in more of his talk, dad? That's what I like, it makes me laugh. And Frodo wouldn't have got far without Sam, would he, dad?

[Oddwen]

Lol, stickifinger! Still laughing...

Sam: "The sum of the square of the right triangle is equal to the legs of the hypotnuse."

Fro: Yah, who cares about the ring? Let's go home and WASH SOME WINDOWS!! Woohooo!!
Legolas: They sing a lament for Gandalf...no, wait! Um, sorry, that's 99 Beers on the Wall!


(way back from the first page, that)

Legolas: Uh, no wait that's 99 bottles of Beer on the Wall!
Frodo: That is his lament!
Pippin: *sniff* That was his favorite song..."

[ May 06, 2003: Message edited by: Oddwen ]

[Helkahothion]

Frodo: I see dead people
Sam: We all do you stupid mofo!
Frodo: What the hell is your problem?
Sam: That I am stuck up with you. I don't know why I am still here.
Frodo:You're father tolled you to!
Sam: Ahw screw him. What does he know?

Sam walks of swearing.

[Everdawn]

Legolas: Charlie's Angels! Please save us!!

Merry: Ale increases your character.
Pippin: I agree Meriadoc, did you know that when you drop things down wells they make noise.

[SilverEmbers]

Lol- Sauron: the ring is just to pretty for me to have-lets donate it to the Save The Elves fund!

[Daewen]

Aragorn: C'mon baby let's paint the town...and all that jazz! (hope you guys have seen Chicago. Good movie, but it shouldn't have beat TTT for best film...there was NO plot!!!)

Gandalf: D00 j00 5p34l< 1-14x00r?

Saruman: And as the Chairman of the Middle Earth Greenpeace Organization I would just like to announce that we are donating $5,000 to help maintain Fangorn Forest!

Treebeard: C'mon hurry up.

[Thorin Oakenshield]

Gandalf: I cant believe Sauron has goten so far. I look up to him!

[Tarien Ithil]

101 Things LOTR characters would never say

Ummm…what to say. OK, let me have a go at it. (please excuse the lameness)

Elrond: SMILE!! You’re on candid camera!

Arwen: Git lost, Aragorn! Who would want a scruffy man when I can have…*sighs dreamily*…..Legolas….

Aragorn: Where did you say the soap was? I’d like to have a bath so Arwen will love me again. *sniff sniff*. smilies/biggrin.gif

Tom Bombadil: *Groans* …Hmph..… I REALLY don’t feel like singing right now. A break, please? Please?

Gimli (in the Mines of Moria): Eeeewww! What a wreck this place is!


OK, for my first go, wasn’t it? OK, maybe I’m being vain but anyway! smilies/biggrin.gif


Take care, eh?

Tarien Ithil

[SamwiseGamgee]

Boromir: 'What is this new devilry?'
Gandalf: 'Weasels! Ancient weasels running up and down your legs and int your pants! Weasels, I tell you!'

Pippin: 'Actually, just leave it, I'm not that hungry.'

Gimli: 'Ooh, a pink axe? Yes please.'

Sam: 'Cheerio, Frodo.'

Aragorn: 'I never wanted to be King of Gondor, I wanted to be... a lumberjack! Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the River Isen!'

Elrond: 'Anyone fancy a belching competition?'

Galadriel: 'Let's go round the back of the tree for a ***, Frodo.'

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Tom Bombadil: Faster you miserable cretins! *whips Hobbits with the Cat O'Nine Tails*

[SamwiseGamgee]

Eomer, what is this apparent undying fascination with the cat o' ninetails that you have? Haha!

Gollum: 'Half a bee, philosophically, must ipso facto half not be. But half a bee has got to be vis a vis its entity. But can a bee be said to be or not to be an entire bee, when half the bee is not a bee, due to some ancient injury?'
Sam: Sucks quizzically on pipe whilst furrowing his brow. 'An interesting point you raise, my dear Smeagol. And one which must be addressed, I feel. Now, it's as my old gaffer would say: Half a bee is, despite being only half of its origonal entity by its very morphological definition only half of what it should be, and therefore half a bee is half a bee.'
Frodo: 'But my dear Samwise, you have forgotten the argument of the teleologist. This "ancient injury" of which Gollum...sorry, Smeagol, speaks would surely, by teleological thinking, have happened for a purpose, in order that the task which this half a bee- we shall call him Eric- has been appointed with may be fulfilled. By this reasoning the bee, despite being "Eric the half a bee" by the morphological definition, is by teleological reasoning an entire bee for the purposes of fulfilling his long-appointed task. Your thoughts, Master Smeagol?'
Gollum: 'I'll be honest with you, I was quoting Monty Python and am just bored now. You got any fish?'

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Now that you've called me 'Eomer' I just feel very strange now! smilies/biggrin.gif

Also, nice Denis Law reference!

If we can continue the 'Only an Excuse' theme;

Aragorn: Faur's the birds?

(for all you non-Scots, this loosely translates as "Could you please tell me the whereabouts of the fair, young women?")

[SamwiseGamgee]

Haha! There are too many!
Gandalf: At the Black Gate, realising The Ring has been destroyed 'Shockarooney!'
Nice Scots translation, by the way, Burns himself would have been proud.

[Saraphim]

*Just outside Fangorn Forest, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli are resting for the night.*
Gimli: What was that noise? Did you see that shadow move? And where is that bloody Elf?!?!?
Aragorn: Shhh.*whispers* Over there, in the forest, do you see that light?
*Gimli nods*
Aragorn: *gets up* come, master Gimli, and have your axe at the ready.
*Pushing aside some branches, they come to a small clearing in the woods. Legolas is in purple,silk pajamas, looking into an oversized mirror he stuck onto a tree. He looks at his two companions, who are standing dumbfounded, then goes back to rebraiding his hair.*
Legolas: Well, you cant expect me to go around looking like you people! And why didnt you TELL me I had a smudge on my forehead the WHOLE TIME we were running here? And in front of Eomer too...

Sorry it's so long winded, heres a shorter one:
Frodo: Why does Gandalf alway wear grey?
Aragorn: Meddle not in the affairs of Saruman, for he is quick to put black socks into your whites

[Ainaserkewen]

Legolas: Life is pain highness...anyone who tells you differently is trying to sell you something...
Actually Daewen, the quote is
"Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." smilies/wink.gif Kudos for using that quote...Princess Bride is my second favourite movie.

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 1:02 PM January 16, 2004: Message edited by: Ainaserkewen ]

[Nimrothiel]

"Frodo: Why does Gandalf always wear grey?
Aragorn: Meddle not in the affairs of Saruman, for he is quick to put black socks into your whites."

Roflmao!!!! smilies/biggrin.gif

Eomer: "I would cut off your head, dwarf; if only it stood a little higher from the ground."

Gimli: "Oh really? You and what army?"

Argghhh, that was lame. smilies/rolleyes.gif

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Pippin: I'm out of Bacardi Breezers. Merry, get me a Bailey's.

[SamwiseGamgee]

King Theoden: At Helm's Deep 'Oooh, there's rather a lot of them, isn't there. Gamling, pass me the white flag.'

Gimli: 'Make mine a mineral water. Sparkling, please.'

Aragorn: While running across the plains of Rohan 'My feet hurt, I haven't slept in days and I really need to go poo. Who cares about Merry and what's-his-name? It's not like they've even got The Ring.'

Aragorn: 'Sphinkters say what.'
Elrond: 'What?'
Gandalf and Aragorn laugh at Elrond's stupidity.

[Wingfoot]

Pippin: Aragorn is eight feet tall. And if he were here, he'd blast the Uruks with lightning bolts from his eyes, and thuder bolts from his arse! | Braveheart, a wonderful movie. |

...

Pippin and Merry: But the only brew for the brave and truuuuue, comes from the Green Dragon!

Gandalf: So that's why all the rum's gone. | PotC! Yay! |

...

Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas bowing before the mysterious White Wizard at Fangorn...

Aragorn: You killed my Gandalf!!

The White Wizard: No, Aragorn, I AM your Gandalf.

Aragorn: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

[Lily]

Eowyn to Witch-King: Your mother wore combat boots!

Witch-King: My mother was a saint!

Eowyn: ...........

[Finwe]

Gandalf (before the Doors of Durin): Umm... guys... now would be a bad time to tell you that I left my copy of Everything you want to know about Middle-earth (and Passwords too!) back in Rivendell, right?

[Thengal]

Sauroman: "There will be no dawn for men."

Grima: "PROVE IT!!!!!!!!!" smilies/biggrin.gif

[Crystal Heart]

These are so great!!

Here are mine. I don't think they are great, but I hope they are funny enough for your liking everyone!

Frodo: Where are we?
Sam: Who knows? Let's just toss the ring in the ditch and go back to the Shire.
Frodo: Okay

Gandalf: You are by far the worst ring bearer I have ever heard of.
Frodo: But you have heard of me

Pippin: We've been drinking too much
Merry: Maybe we should enter the Alcholics Annoymus group.

Arwen: Who are you?
Aragorn: The man you love.
Arwen: Which one?

Aragorn: Do you see what I see?
The Fellowship: A star, A star, high above the trees, with a voice as big as the seas. With a voice as big as the seas.

Gimli: This is my home
Gandalf: I've never seen pink dwarf walls before
Gimli: They are the newest fashion in Gondor

Aragorn: Got your weapons?
Gimli and Legolas: Yep
Aragorn: Got your water bottles?
G & L: Yep
Aragorn: Need to go to the bathroom?
G & L: Yep
Aragorn: Then go
Legolas: I didn't really, just forgot how to say no

Orcs: I can't stand all this blood, let's go to the mall

I don't know about these, I think they are funny, but let me know!

[SamwiseGamgee]

Very good, Crystal Heart! I especially like the Frodo: 'But youhaveheard of me!' Hehe! Welcome to the Downs, by the way. May your soul struggle here for many years! smilies/biggrin.gif

Merry: 'Phew, I'm tired.'
Pippin: 'Yeah, let's just turn in for an early night, eh. just stay out of trouble.'

Legolas: 'Another drink, Gimli?'
Gimli: 'No thanks.'

[Catlyn21]

Don't know if anybody's said something like this yet:

Aragorn: Hmm... maybe the "I just washed my hair in bacon fat" look isn't really working for me....

^Yes, rather boring, I know... I only posted this so my postings would go up.... plus I'm in school right now (supposed to be typing an essay!) and am really bored.

~Caitlyn smilies/evil.gif

[Elassar 516]

This is an Awesom thread!

Fangorn: Hello Saruman, I brought you a present, they call themselves "hobbits" I thought you'd have some use for them.
Saruman: Wow, just what I always wanted! Oh by the way can you come over for tea next week?
Fangorn: Sure anytime. Oh and by the way, if you ever need wood, my forest isat your disposal.

Gollum: Massster, we could help you carry the Preciousssss.
Frodo: Okay here you go, it's been rather heavy lately.

Denethor: Gandalf, so good to see you, any chance you have found the long-lost heir of Isildur?
Gandalf: as a matter of fact, yes.
Denethor: How splendid!

Sauron: I wish I had eyelashes.

Denethor: And know I shall burn myself and my son alive.
Pippin: Are you sure you want to do that?
Denethor: On second thought, burning myself really isn't a very good idea.
Or
Pippin: Great idea, can you burn me to?

Sam: Gollum, if you ever get the ring back will you give me the Shire to be my own personel garden?
Gollum: Okay, nice hobbit.

(Gandalf changes Theoden back into a human beingin TT)
Theoden: My beutiful wrinkles, what did you do with them! Change me back, NOW!

Saruman after gathering his huge army: You know, maybe I shouldn't take over Rohan...

Gandalf on Orthanc when Gwaihir shows up: Ugh, you again, couldn't some other eagle come to rescue me.

Sauron: Really, what's the point of a big scary eye without eyelashes...

[Kransha]

Ugluk: Tea time!

Saruman: I'm thinking about going Soprano.

Gimli: *singing in stunningly high voice* I'll take the high road an' you take the low road an' I'll be at Barad-dur 'afore ye!

Balrog: Mooooooooooo!

Gamling: Hello all, just here to remind you how unimportant I am!

Denethor: I'm hot, hot, hot! The hottest Steward around. Who says a Steward can't play with matches? Matches are GREAT!

Isildur: Daaaaadddddyyyyy!
Sauron: Isildur. Gil-galad never told you who your REAL father was.
Isildur: He told me enough. Anyway, you just killed him.
Sauron: No, Isildur....I AM YOUR FATHER!
Isildur: Okaaaaay. That's just stupid
Sauron: Yeah, I know.

Eowyn: Yup, I'm a tomboy. Wanna make somethin' of it? *brandishes Merry*

[Elassar 516]

sam: To remember this trip I have decided to collenct autographs of every scary creature we meet, what do you think Mr. Frodo?
Frodo: Great idea Sam

Gandalf: Instead of a Dark Lord you would have a queen, ah, I mean king, yes a king...
Galadriel: Hey, that's my line!

Sam on Wheathertop: Hey scary invisible dudes in the dresses, can I have your autograph?

Elrond: Aragorn, how would you like to marry Arwen?
Aragorn: Um, actually I was just going to ask if it was okay with you if Arwen and I got...
Elrond interupting: okay hows 500 bucks
Aragorn: No, really, we want *light goes off over head* 500? for that old hag.
Elrond: okay 1000
Aragorn: done!
later
Aragorn: Arwen, guess what, he said yes! and I got, ah, I mean, uh, he said yes!

Outside Moria
Sam: Hey Octopus dude, can I have your autograph?

Gandalf: You shall not pass!
Sam: Hey Gandalf, can you move over I need to get the Balrogs autograph.

Gandalf: Denethor, I have a great idea, burn yourself!

Sam: Hey Gollum can I...
Gollum: We know, we know, can you have are autograph.
Sam: No way, why would I want YOUR autograph.

Mouth of Sauron: Hey Sauron, I was thinking, have you ever thought about growing some eyelashes...

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Gwaihir: Hahahaha! You can run, but you can't GLIDE! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Frodo: ...um...like...whatever...

Boromir: Blimey! That Orc gave me a right old bash on the noggin' I could do with some eggs and bacon right now.

Eomer: Oh Gosh! I've run out of funny things to say, I hope no-one notices.

Eowyn: Booo! Get off the stage!

[Memory of Trees]

Bilbo: "Oh, it's the house you wanted, Lobelia? Of course you can have that!

Sam: "You know, Frodo, you really should share that ring-thingy with Gollum. He likes it a lot!"

[Kransha]

Theoden: Stupid hobbits!

Gollum: Lovely hobbitses!

Ents: Nice goblins!

Orcs: Beautiful elves!

Elves: Smart men!

Dwarves: Smart elves!

Smaug: Mmmm...pop tarts!

[Lily]

Gwaihir: Hahahaha! You can run, but you can't GLIDE! U-S-A! U-S-A!

LOL!!! That's hilarious!
------
Eowyn: I am no man!

Witch-King(with British accent): 'Ello 'ello 'ello what's all this then? It's a little bird with a knife.

(Eowyn stabs him)

Witch-King: Oh! Oh! What a thing to happen?!

---------

(Gondor and Rohan charge the Black Gate)

Orc 34: (with British accent)There attacking again, I thought we had a truce.

Orc 35: (also with British accent) Just because you keep saying it, doesn't make it true.

[Linnahiril Tinnufinwen]

--Aragorn (during final battle speech in front of the Black Gates): "Fellow Soldiers...we're in a Pickle now!"

*********

--Legolas to Aragorn (at Helm's Deep, in Elvish): Aragorn, nedin dagor hen ú-'erir ortheri. Natha daged dhaer. [Aragorn, they cannot win this fight. They are all going to die!]

--Aragorn (in English): Then I shall die as one of them! (there is silence in the room as the Rohirrim stare at him, uneasy.) Umm...did I say that in English?

***********

--Sauron: Ahh! I've got something in my eye!

***********

--Sauron: How many times do I have to tell you? It's Sauron, not Sauruman!

**********

--Haldir (during Helm’s Deep): Oops, I dropped my sword. (Goes to pick it up. Gets stabbed in the back) Ehhh! (Falls down and dies)

***********
-- Legolas (to Merry or Pippen): Can I bum a smoke?

***********
--Eowyn (as she slices the head off the Witchking’s flying creature): I didn’t spend years in the kitchen chopping onions for nothing!

***********
--Aragorn (while standing and facing the Path of the Dead, to Legolas and Gimli): Come! Let's go kill the dead!

[stickifinger]

Good one, Elassar 516. Those were really original.

[Lathriel]

Legolas: I forgot my Shampoo.

[Finwe]

Boromir: Sure Frodo, you can have the Ring.

Denethor: Sure Aragorn, you can come and take the throne of Gondor.

Elrond: Sure Arwen, run off and marry that scruffy Ranger! I'll even pay for the wedding!

[Lathriel]

Sauron: This ring has caused so much trouble! I will destroy it!

Denethor:Thank goodness Boromir is dead. Faramir was my favourite anyway!

[Kaiserin]

I'm sure none of them would say Earendil as "AIRendil". smilies/evil.gif

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Excellent Lily. smilies/biggrin.gif


Legolas at Helm's Deep: Someone shout out an occupation.

*dead silence*

Legolas: Uh, I think I heard "California surfer"

*proceeds to surf down the stairs*

or...

*Legolas starts surfing at Helm's Deep*

Gimli: Legolas! Now is not the time for....

Legolas: You're not the time Gimli! You're not the time!

[mark12_30]

Boromir: "Maybe I'll just settle in Rivendell."

[narfforc]

Gandalf to Sauron: Oh I haven't seen you in ages, we'll have to catch up, give me a ring sometime...........