The Reunification of the Entish Bow - Discussion

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Thanks for the reminder about the saves, Mith. I’ve hesitated to put much pressure on anyone to fill theirs so far – “Gondor has no rules, Gondor needs no rules” – but perhaps we do need to set up guidelines for this story to keep it flowing and make it easier for all authors to write. I’d like to suggest a limit of two, at the most three days for plot-essential posts (needed to establish facts for the following authors) and a week for non-plot-essential posts. These limits are not absolute, but if you cannot make it within that time, please post on the discussion thread to let us all know when you will fill in the post. If, after a week, you realize that no idea has come to mind, and your missing post leaves no plot holes (whatever would we do with plot holes here?! smilies/wink.gif ), feel free to delete it.

I would also like to remind you of the requested posting frequency on this game – regulars should attempt to post a minimum of approximately every two weeks. If it’s not possible for reasons like sickness, absence or extreme busyness, please let us know on the discussion thread, so that we don’t wait for you during that time.

That being said, I have put up a save which will be filled today, or at latest by tomorrow morning BD time.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Save filled, as promised. And thanks to all who posted within the last days - I enjoy your contributions greatly, even when I don't have time to tell you!

Planning ahead, I would like to suggest that the story take a break over the Christmas holidays. If someone has time and wants to write, fine, but I'm pretty sure I'll be too busy between Dec. 17 (RotK release) and Jan. 1 (holiday company, etc.). What say you?

[Kuruharan]

I second that motion.

I'm going to be moving and without Internet access during that time.

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Definitely a good plan, since mine is to over-indulge gratuitously, particularly in sleep.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Expanding on the idea of a break - how about taking the pressure off everyone, especially those with saves to fill, by starting holiday hiatus immediately? Unless anyone lets me know today that there's a post that absolutely needs to be written, I will put up a cliff-hanger post and announce the break on the RPG thread.

[Mithadan]

Kuruharan and Estelyn please check your PMs and e-mails.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

I've posted a brief Tolkien-style cliff-hanger to ring in our holiday hiatus - no, no points for recognizing the source, it's pretty obvious! smilies/cool.gif We'll get back to the story right after New Year; that will give everyone time to figure out how to come to Merisu's rescue! smilies/eek.gif I don't know if Pimpi can remember those lines of sublime poetry a second time around. smilies/rolleyes.gif

(Maybe the tree turned its hearing aid off anyway...)

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Happy New Year, fellow 'translators' of Entish prose! I've put up a save to end holiday hiatus and will fill it within a day or two, solving the cliff-hanger - or maybe not...

Thena, Birdie, what do you plan to do with your saves from the old year? Birdie, I got your PM but can't get into my PM box right now - are you still having forum access problems?

[Birdland]

(A huge pile of crinkled holiday paper, packing peanuts, empty See's candy boxes, and aluminum angel hair shifts, shudders and collapes)
Happy Holidays! I'm back!

Esty, I'm deleting my former save, and have posted a half-baked post that has got you to the bottom of the tunnel.

Since I was posting at the same time you were posting your save, if it screws up your save, I can delete the half of the post that concerns Merisuwyniel.

The problem seems to have fixed itself, in the meantime.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

I moved my save to be after Birdie's post - I do want to keep the Alice reference, being a fan of Wonderland! Very enjoyable, Birdie! However, my post will have a more sinister feeling to it, so it works better to have it afterwards.

[Birdland]

WHAT??? Nooooo tunnel?? NO TUNNEL??? Bilbo has a tunnel. Frodo has a tunnel The Freakin' King of Gondor and Anor had a freakin' tunnel!

But nooooooo! Our Merisuwyniel falls down inside an evil tree and comes out in a bloomin' field of flowers! Harrumph, I say! Harrumph-Harrumph!

[Diamond18]

Oh for pity's sake. Now the Bow is lusting after Merisu, too? smilies/tongue.gif You have quite outdone yourself, Esty. There is no Mary Sue like the Mary Sue you do. smilies/biggrin.gif

On a slightly different topic, Birdie, are you planning something with Vogonwë? I have missed my pathetic poetic and feel I should write an "adventure" for him, but am quite clueless as to what sort of creatures he has encountered. PM me with any juicy details, please. I could make some up if need be, but I don't want to muddle any plans.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Thank you for the good posts, ladies! Now, do you suppose we can get any of those male heroes interested in continuing??

[Diamond18]

I don't know... but we could fill their PM boxes with nasty messages.

[Mithadan]

Saucepan, per the Concordat, Mantoes has shipped Mogul's order. Would you like a side of chips with that? BTW, your PM box is full.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Great post, Mith! smilies/biggrin.gif Now it's getting interesting... (cue suspenseful music) smilies/eek.gif

Interesting thought that Merisu is One - there can be only one, eh?! (Be thankful, be very thankful!) smilies/cool.gif

signed
'One of ...' - oh, how many of us are there now? smilies/rolleyes.gif

[Diamond18]

Now it's getting interesting? What were the other 117 posts, then? Mincemeat? A piece of fruit you can suck the juice from and then throw away the empty rind? To you it may be uninteresting, but Eunice and me, we call it lust!

[The Saucepan Man]

Nice timing, Mith. I've been working on a post. Now I'll have to finish it. smilies/rolleyes.gif smilies/wink.gif

[The Saucepan Man]

Post finished. Save filled in.

Say, that Uruk Captain sure sounds familiar, doesn't he? smilies/wink.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

[Diamond18]

And they became known as Orcs***

*** From the Quixotic Eeurrch, meaning “Get away from me, you proletariat scum”

I had no idea that was a footnote.

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

It's a lesser known fact that in the ancient Duneachian tongue, the word for 'footnote' translates literally into either 'merry dance' or 'final reckoning'. Not surprisingly, recent study tells us that the inhabitants of the Drowned Land of Evrlast believed in a parallel of Armageddon known as Badlambda (in modern English 'Charleston'), where the final fate of the universe would be decided in a contest of acrobatic skill in some way involving clogs. Each year they would perform a ritual intended to stave off this event, known as 'Funkëchyken', or 'The Dance of the Birds'. The idea that this was performed in a ritual garb of white (representing purity) and large medallions (representing spiritual wealth) is purely speculatory, and has been attributed to a fondness for certain rare and exotic herbs in its major exponent, Sir Enwin Etceteron of Windling-in-the-Marsh, Cambridgeshire.

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 4:21 PM January 11, 2004: Message edited by: The Squatter of Amon Rûdh ]

[The Barrow-Wight]

Orogarn Two is of on his own again, determined to catch up with Skinflint. He'll be back though, with a good story and his wallet!

[Diamond18]

Very nice explanation, Squat. That clears a lot of things up. However, I am still very tempted to insert Orcs*** into the Glossary as a variant of Orcs. Or "Elven Trash".

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

I'm glad that such small store of arcane and spurious knowledge I have has been of assistance.

In true Harry-Stu style, Earnur has hijacked the plot in the pursuit of his own enrichment and glory. Feel free to punish him how you will.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Great first round of posts, everyone! smilies/smile.gif Mithteriouth developmenth with a thtrangely familiar orc captain, another of Saucy's HoMM chapters, and the amazing introduction of Tarkerwár! To say nothing of two saves to look forward to...

PS - and even as I posted here, a hero arose to save the day on the RPG thread - wonderful, Squatter!

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 4:11 PM January 13, 2004: Message edited by: Estelyn Telcontar ]

[Mithadan]

Ummmm, Sir Squatter, unless I'm mistaken, Vogonwe is not presently with us. He is consorting with the Zerls.

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

As though my spotty hack of a literary alter ego cares about that. This is Mary-Sue, not one of your lah-di-dah coherent RPGs!

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 4:34 PM January 13, 2004: Message edited by: The Squatter of Amon Rûdh ]

[Diamond18]

Well, someone cares. There's always someone. And so now your thoughtlessness has gone and made Pimpi cry, you naughty man.

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

No it hasn't. People always cry when they're peeling mushrooms. Oh, wait...

Anyway, on second thoughts I can rewrite it; but if you want to make it into an hallucination, then the money that lord blancmange-for-brains has made by selling those trombones will have to turn out to be an assortment of old leaves.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

I would say leave it as it is - Diamond did a great job of making the inconsistency a part of her post. Anyone can do logic - it takes true genius to cope with the illogical!! smilies/wink.gif smilies/tongue.gif

[Diamond18]

I've put up a save: I'd like to get to some more of Vogie's adventure before he's rescued. I will try to do something with it before long so it won't put too much of a wrench in the progress of posts. smilies/smile.gif

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

I'm confused now. Did I fight the Huorns or not? Have I now become part of a sub-reality within the existing sub-reality of the Re-Unification of the Bow? I know it's my own fault, but if we can sort it out I promise not to do that again.

[Diamond18]

I think you did. According to my post you had a row with the trees, which involved a lot of hacking, and according to Mith, Grralph was able to lie down on a pile of wood shavings left behind. So either you fought with the Huorns, or killed a lot of innocent trees. At any rate, the woods seem to be a safter place, as of late, enabling hobbits everywhere to cook enchanted stews over large, well-stocked fires.

By the by, why have we started referring to you and Earnur as one in the same?

[Diamond18]

I've filled in my save, with a wee bit o' help from Chapter 4 of "The Hobbit".

[Estelyn Telcontar]

As always, all of your posts are fun to read - thanks, everyone! Wish I had time to go into detail, but I wrote a new post instead - hope you enjoy it! Cookie for anyone who recognizes the ermine violin reference - no, that's a real cookie I'm offering, and I bake good cookies! "If you want it, come and claim it!"

On a more business-like note, Kuru will no longer be able to post regularly due to real life priorities. We'll keep our token Dwarf and token mythological critter with us, though, so that he can jump in when he has time again. Thanks to Annun for her cameo - her Balfrog and our Buttercup have found happiness together and flown off into the sunset. The Entish Broom stays with us, of course, since the fate of M-M depends on the reunification!

[Diamond18]

Does anyone remember what happened to that half-dwarf half-hobbit creature?

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Oops - missed one! It is hard to keep track, what with all of these comings and goings... I can edit him in, but unless we need him, we can lose him in a plot hole as well, can't we?

[Diamond18]

I can't even remember his name... now that's sad. *schniff* Anyway, we could either desert him, or sacrifice him to the Zerls. Either way we wouldn't have to keep track of him anymore.

...waiting for Birdie to scream...

[Estelyn Telcontar]

The (insert-witty-name-here)-Ship has picked up Vogie's trail, thanks to Mith's post, which is wonderful! I'm glad you filled in the plot hole concerning Norni, as well as showing us that O2 has found his way back to the -Ship. This line is absolutely hilarious: "My blood runs chill," muttered Orogarn. "Then button your shirt," retorted Kuruharan. "Its not like anyone here needs to see your manly chest right now." Now we can look forward to the upcoming contents of Diamond's save.

Incidentally, I'm still waiting with those cookies - someone just has to recognize that "ermine violin" reference! Think 'Star Trek'...

[Diamond18]

I have no idea what you're talking about, but, my save is up. Chrysi further proves his usefulness. smilies/biggrin.gif

Edit: Also recently edited for, uh, continuity. smilies/tongue.gif

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 4:42 PM January 27, 2004: Message edited by: Diamond18 ]

[Mithadan]

Taking matters in order as they appeared:

Thanks, Esty. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Spock, replying to McCoy's recitation of the virtues of Tribbles, The Trouble With Tribbles.

Zerls-gön-wyld . Diamond, I'll bet that you've been waiting weeks to use that line. *wishes that he'd thought of it.

*Lapses into shocked silence at the untimely demise of the Zerls.

[Diamond18]

Thank you. But credit for the allusion goes to Birdie, via a PM.

...However, it was weeks ago... and I did dress up the spelling myself. smilies/wink.gif So you wanna share those cookies? smilies/biggrin.gif

[Estelyn Telcontar]

That's it, Mith!! Kudos to you for catching one of my favorite lines from one of my favorite ST episodes! I'm delighted at having found an opportunity to use it, and rewatching that video will probably provide quite a few more. The cookies are here, waiting for you to pick them up. I was sure I'm not the only one who sees the striking similarity between Zerls and Tribbles - or rather saw, as we must now say!

Diamond, your post was smashing - literally! While I object to having Merisu called "Captain Obvious" (I know someone had to fill in for Vogie while he was away, but still..... smilies/tongue.gif ), I chuckled over the red light, so often seen in Tolkien's tunnels, now serving as a stoplight!

(*Esty gleefully notes a lovely homophone for one of her favorite threads - "hear I come"!* )

PS - All this talk of Vogonwë's "moose" is confusing Falafel - is he no longer riding Tweedledum??

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 6:12 AM January 28, 2004: Message edited by: Estelyn Telcontar ]

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Guideline for those who post next: Please do not take us out of the Forest. You may not realize it, but we are there for a Purpose! There is a part of the Plot (yes, there is one!) which must be fulfilled before we can leave.
If you'd like to write a leaving post, please let me know; I'll put up a save for that essential piece.

[Diamond18]

Isn't it amazing how the very mention of the word "plot" can send everyone into shivering silence?

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Indeed, a strange thing has happened - the plot has killed the story! The list of our writers grows thin...

Since the show must go on, I will write a post to finish off the storyline in the forest within the next couple of days. Should anyone want to post, either in the tunnel or within the forest before we leave, please do so very soon - I don't want to ask for saves, since they have too frequently been forgotten. smilies/rolleyes.gif

[Estelyn Telcontar]

My post is finally finished and up - sorry about the major delay! Real life and the forum move took their toll, but now the story continues. Mith, thanks for posting as well! Carry on, everyone.

Oh, by the way, thanks and apologies to Mark Twain, who provided the cave description...

[Diamond18]

It's aliiiiive! :) Excellent use of the Zerls, Mith. We are a resourcefulship, whatever else we may be. And awesome! More shopping! I'll look forward to that, or perhaps I ought to start paging through fashion magazines for gratuitous descriptions of accoutrements. ;)

[Thenamir]

...struggling to a standing position, he gropes in near-blindness for his keyboard in the dust-strewn remnants of his once pristine cubicle, muttering "...must...let...them...know...I'm...alive..." in a perfect imitation of Captain Kirk...

I fear that my former save, long ago at the destruction of Ham Steep, must fall to the ashcan. However, I have just caught up on the latest posts, and I hope to begin posting again soon, if irregularly. Never say die!

Thenamir

[The Saucepan Man]

Save filled in.

Mogûl and Yawanna have a history.

And Grbbllx has a mission.

Now, really, how am I supposed to gloat evilly here, when the evil smilie has gone AWOL? :rolleyes: :D

[Thenamir]

As with most times that I enter the BD chat, I seem to have stopped the flow of creativity just by re-entering the story. With the exception of Saucepan Man filling in a save that came *before* I started posting again, the silence has been deafening...is my presence so nauseating? I do admit that my most recent post was not up to normal standards of humor and length, but c'mon, it wasn't *that* bad, was it? :D

[Diamond18]

Words cannot describe it. I mean, really, as soon as I read your post I covered my eyes and vowed never to return to Muddled Mirth again.

:rolleyes: :p

In reality, the thread has been puttering along quite slowly for a while, so, y'know, no change. I would post except that I have no idea what's supposed to be going on (I mean, now that Vogie's little Zerl diversion is finished.) I'm now waiting patiently for Gravlox's return... or something.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

There's no need for anyone to wait to post - the Itship is headed for the GAP of Soreham, so write (and/or shop) away, me adventuresome mates! Perhaps the ever-longer names for the Itship are getting intimidating... they almost sound like Elven name-generator creations! :rolleyes:

Thena, your post is much appreciated and it's good to have to back with us again. I hope we can get the story moving so as to utilize your window of opportunity. I really liked your various kinds of Huorns!

Saucy, as always, your post is enjoyable reading! That's great background information; for some reason, it almost sounds like a Loyer showing that the criminal became one through circumstances beyond his own control... ;) And I'm still chuckling over the Fell Beast formation flying!

I'm looking forward to the next posts!

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Great posts, Diamond and Mith! I'm glad you have kept the torch aloft and alit! Merisu will be joining Pimpi in the shopping spree very shortly. I do hope we'll be seeing some of that planned poetry of Vogonwë's! How soon, I wonder, and where will Gravlox catch up with the Itship? And whom will he take captive? And what with his changed looks, will Merisu recognize him? Tune in soon...

Real life (= family from the US visiting) kept me busy the last two weeks, so though I was able to keep up with reading here, (that being not very time-consuming, unfortunately, since only two people posted!) :( I had no time to write. Now I'm back full-force und would like to see us move along toward the climax. At this pace, we have lost momentum...

I am in the middle of a post for Merisu, finishing off the shopping theme. Question is, does anyone else want to post at the GAP before we leave? It's a pretty big mall - maybe you guys will find a hardware store to replenish your stores of duct tape or some saddle wax if you don't think you need new ( = clean ;) ) clothes. If you wish to post there, please let me know today and please write that post this week. Otherwise, I will move us out tomorrow.

We will be fording the Isen and heading northwest in the direction of Cardolan. Next stop is either the Barrow-Downs or Bree - on my map, it looks most logical to pass the Downs first. Lush aka Leninia, are you still with us?

[Estelyn Telcontar]

My post is up, and so is one by Mith - thanks! Poor Grrralph, missing out on the joys of shopping...

I've taken Merisu out to the parking lot to meet everyone, so anyone is welcome to take it from there. I've been planning how to continue; here are my thoughts:

We head for the Downs, aka Marrow-Bones Studio, then Bree, Shire, and Grey Havens. To pick up speed, I plan to proceed fairly quickly; I would like to wrap up the story by early summer if possible, perhaps even sooner? :eek: That means that I will not wait for each writer to post at each location. You can go ahead and plan what you would like to write if you have an idea for one or more places, and of course there's always room for spontaneous inspiration. Let me know or post a save, but please fill those in within a few days so that we can carry on.

I'd also like to ask you to think about a Velour character that you would like to play for the climax. I don't want to add any new writers, and I think it will be fun to have double roles and have both sets of characters reacting with each other. Several of these are already clear; Saucy will be playing Melvin/Môgul, of course, and I will play Yawanna, with Mith taking the part of Howlie/Haudie, whichever orthography he chooses. Since we have only two female players, that doesn't give Diamond too much of a choice - I ask her to take the role of [Varda]. BW, Squatter, and Thena, you are free to choose whichever one appeals to you - first come, first served. Please post your choice here. I do think we need a [Manwë] (Manuël Sántana, according to Diamond's list of previous name usage), so hope that one of you feels called to play him.

[The Barrow-Wight]

Can I be Tulk Hogan, the crazy wrestling Velour?

http://www.moviestar-photos.com/graphics/211/211805.jpghttp://a1259.g.akamai.net/f/1259/5586/1d/images.art.com/images/PRODUCTS/large/10043000/10043917.jpg

[Thenamir]

I call dibs on Tickle-Me-Ulmo

[Diamond18]

You mean I can't be Nienna, Estë, Vairë, Vána or Nessa?? :p

Actually, I could quite get used to being the Lady of the Stars:

Out of the deeps of Eä she came to the aid of Manwë; for Melkor she knew from before the making the Music and rejected him, and he hated her, and feared her more than all others whom Eru made.

Hah! Now I just have to figure out a name that's funnier than "Varda". (I don't think she's been renamed yet. Or at least not since I updated the glossary... on September 12th. Er....)

It's been a couple years since I read the Silmarillion, so I think I'd better brush up on my Valier knowledge. I haven't done the math, but if there's a leftover Vala-dude I could take care of him too. Like, maybe, if Manuël was free, perchance. :D I'm afraid I already have Santana related ideas in my head. Heheheheh....

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Go for it, Diamond - you've been carrying two characters during the whole RPG, so you're entitled to two Velour(s) [What is the plural of Velour??]. Varda and Manuël it is then - now, that leaves Squatter with several choices still - how about [Mandos]Mantoes or [Lórien], one of the Fëanturi brethren? They are called "masters of spirits"!! ;) :smokin:

[The Saucepan Man]

Hmm, with sist/breth-ren like this, it's no wonder Melvin left Valleyum ... :D

Personally, I prefer Howlie to Haudie. I just went with Haudie in my last post because I couldn't find any previous reference. But I'm happy to amend the name if you want to go with Howlie, Mith. (I've already had to amend the post once to make sure that the accent in Môgul's name appears in the same place throughout. :rolleyes: )

Will Sauerkraut (aka the geeky kid with glasses called Colin) be involved in the final denouement, I wonder? Thena?

By the way, I trust that no one objects to Môgul winning in the end. :smokin:

[Diamond18]

Thanks, Esty. I'll work on letting my ideas molder. I specialize in cute couples, so "Varda" and Manëul Santana (whose ever-loving guitar strap, you might remember from the first page of this thread, can be sworn upon in wedding ceremonies) will be great fun. Well, alright, maybe "cute" isn't the word to describe the two most powerful Velou... if you're into, like, canon or something. By the way, I think "Velou" is the proper plural of Velour. Watch out for Marí-Velou's, though.

Saucy, just so long as Mogy hates and loathes me to the proper degree, I'll trust to your artistic license. :rolleyes: ;)

And don't let me sway your decision, Squatter, but somehow I can really see you as the guy in charge of the morgue. Don't ask me why.

[Lush]

[cilmbs out from underneath piles of Canadian mussel shells]

I'm here! I'm alive! Halifax is lovely, aside from the fact that I narrowly escaped getting frost-bitten today. I've sent a proposal to Esty about how we might want to proceed @ Marrow-Bones Studio.

Leninia lives! Stalinia too! Mother Russia...Oh, nevermind.

[/climbs back and munching noises ensue]

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

I... I... I live.

At last my faithful retainer (or his great-great grandson: they all look alike to me) has managed to lure a passing door-to-door sandwich board salesman into the castle. He had just enough of the good vintage in him (a cheeky '68 A-negative - delicious) to revive my withered ashes, and his wares ought to keep the home fires burning for some time yet. Soon I must track down that stake-wielding academic, but for now I must return to the long-abandoned Laxplotasaga.

Actually that's a bit more interesting than what's been happening chez moi over the last few weeks, but accurate explanations are for wimps. I saw that we were into the transcending to godhood stage of the proceedings, so I thought I'd stake my claim for the custodianship of the world's biggest transit camp while it was still free. Personally I can't understand how my happy-go-lucky, carefree behaviour has led to this conviction that I'd enjoy looking after the Rooms of Waiting (Please take a ticket and we'll be with you as soon as possible), but somehow it appeals. Yes, precious, it appeals to us very much.

Expect my alter ego to ride forth soon. Well, as soon as my cold clears up at least.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Great to have you with us, Lush, and to know that you're still alive, Squatter - as alive as is possible in the Barrow, of course...

Now, shall we wait for Lush to post on the arrival of the Itship from Leninia's point-of-view, or does someone want to take us to the Barrow-Dow - oops, I mean Marrow-Bones Studio? Or does one of our pursuers have an interim post to keep us busy?

[Thenamir]

I have a half-baked post in the works before we leave the GAP, but from past experience it would not be wise to wait for me.

[Mithadan]

Uh, Gravlox has a job to do. If you will leave the parking lot, he will do, or un-do, his duty.

[Lush]

Would someone PLEASE PM me with the lyrics to the Wight's songs from "Fog on the Barrowdowns"?

I want Leninia to release her own version, but refuse to go out in Nova Scotian weather to look for a copy of the LotR in the library.

Plus, I'm...busy. With very virtuous deeds, naturally.

Please someone PM me. I will so totally give you a kiss if you will.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

I'll be happy to oblige, Lush. PM on its way...

Thena, you are welcome to put up a save if you have a post for the GAP - if you really can't fill it within the next days, you can still remove it.

Mith, I'll contact you about plans for Gravlox' meeting with the Itship.

Diamond, what fun to read a poem by Vogie once again! I'm glad he enjoyed shopping for himself.

[Mithadan]

If any Orcs lingered unwisely, could someone please take care of them? Oh, and could someone catch Harvey the Rabbit, before the wargs get him? Gravlox would appreciate it...

[Diamond18]

Always glad to be of service. :D

[Lush]

Ok, so the way things are now, I am not entirely sure that I should stick my post in right away (the fact that it's only halfway done is a factor, of course). If anybody wants to put up saves, the time to do it is now, or else you're going to find yourselves face to face with Leninia very soon.

Esty, thank you so much for the lyrics.

[Lush]

I went ahead and posted, since I have two papers due this week and no time to do this later, plus the whole trip back to Duke looms ahead tomorrow.

Who wants to challenge Leninia to a contest? And who will be our impartial judge? *Lush casts an eye toward Saucepan Man longingly*

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Well, Merisu thinks she's the obvious candidate, what with her Elven musical abilities. Remember? She sang Gravlox into the Halls of Mantoes! Besides, she wants the Entish Guitar... Having Saucy's 'Soregum' finally catch up with the Itship to be an impartial judge is a great idea! How about it, Cacophonous One?

Thanks for a fantastic post, Lush! You did some wonderful writing for our characters, and the idea of a singing contest is fun! Thanks too to Diamond for the fast reaction - both hers and Vogie's. And continuing backwards, thanks to Mith for warning us eloquently about loyers and their dangerous spells!

By the way, anyone is welcome to post for the current captivity...

[Diamond18]

I second (or third?) that motion for Soregum to catch up and judge. After all, he's had a thing for Pimpi ever since... well, I forget how he saw her from Moredough, but he saw her somehow and has had a thing for her ever since. I don't forget these kind of things. ;) Mwah ha ha ha ha.

If only the rules could be bent a little so that Merisu and Pimpi could sing a duet... Merisu has the better voice, but Pimpi has the partiality of the impartial judge. (And since when has the Itship ever followed the rules laid down by their various captors and hosts, anyway?)

Great post, by the way, Lushy. Remind me to ask you to write my characters for me if I become unavoidably detained before the end. :p

[The Saucepan Man]

My, what a wonderful flurry of posts. Gravlox can of course expect a suitably warm welcome back in the Dark Tower Block.

As to the matter of the planned competition, Soregum will be delighted to oblige. It's about time he caught up with the Whatever-the-current-name-of-the-Gallowship-is-ship anyway. His impartiality can of course be assured, in the sense that I can assure you that it contains not a hint of "im". As Diamond says, if Soregum is judging and the aforementioned Thing-ship want to stand the best chance of winning, then step forward the cute half-Hobbit with the pretty blue eyes and curly red hair. Then again, anyone offering anything sufficiently edible and calorific or herbal and smokeable would be in with a good chance too ...

I have an idea for a post, but it may be a few days before I get a chance to hammer it out and post it. (How does Fog on the Barrow Downs go again?) In the meantime, feel free to enjoy the delights of Leninia's hospitality. :p ;)

[Lush]

A duet with Merisu and Pimpi could definitely work, since Leninia will be using the Entish Guitar anyway. I do suggest you bribe the judge, just in case.

[Diamond18]

Showering Soregum with foodstuffs is definitely an option, but I think Vogonwë might have something to say about anything else.

Saucy -- could you find it in your heart to move your save till after my post? It wasn't up when I began to compose, so mine was supposed to seque out of Squatter's eloquent dsecription of falling and regrouping. My seque now has a bit of a stutter. It doesn't advance the plot or anything, so depending on what you were planning I hope that will work.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Lush, are Leninia's delusions of grandeur big enough to give her the idea of taking it up against the whole group? I have some nice ideas for a song contest (based on the Eurovision song contest, since we've already had an 'Idol' parody in Soreham). I'd like to structure the dramaturgy more than we usually structure scenes, planning the order of posts but not writing everything myself - we'd then have people writing their own performances. I'd thought of a barbershop quar/or quintet for most of the guys (Vogy, Etc., O2, Kuru and possibly Gatesy as well), a musical song-and-dance for Grrralph, a solo by Merisu, Leninia's response and then a climax with Pimpi saving the day/competition. What do you all think? I'm open for ideas.

[Lush]

I don't mind, but you're going to have to be extra niiiiiiiiiice to me when you beat me. *wink wink*

[The Saucepan Man]

Soregum has made it through the (somewhat familiar) realm of the Marrow Bones and arrived at Leninia's Mansion.

Let the competition begin ...

[Mithadan]

Bravo, Saucepan! An outstanding post!

[Lush]

I have got a paper on yummy Yeats that's due tommorrow, so I shall hold off on posting until tommorrow night, I think.

Does anybody want to do anything before I open the competition?

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Fantastic posts, folks! Thanks so much to each of you: Squatter, good to have you active again – poor Etceteron! Diamond, nice interaction of our favorite (i.e. currently only) couple. Saucy, your post is wonderful! We now have a name for the homeland of the Hobbits – the Mire. Then the M-B – black sky and green fog seem so strangely evocative of something familiar, as do the scraps of conversation. BW, great use of the Hobbit hole allusion! And a Hamlet quote too…

OK, now the planning for the song contest posts: Lush will announce the begin of the contest. I will post for those who can/will not post their own performances. If you want to do a solo performance or coordinate a duet with another writer, please let me know. Orogarn Two will; anyone else? I will put those males who do not choose to do solos into the barbershop quartet and write for them. Non-performance posts can be inserted at will. PM me with any questions about specifics you might have.

edit: I suppose the male group could be a boygroup instead of a barbershop quartet - any ideas are welcome.

[Thenamir]

I've filled in my Pre-Gap-Departure Save -- Gateskeeper is on the edge of a change of heart. And he will be delighted to solo in the contest. Gatesy has a new Sound-Card plug-in for his staff, and now would be the perfect time to try it out. Or perhaps he can work some magic on the rest of the guys so that they can dance and sing like a boy-band. I'm open to suggestions!

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Wonderful post, Thena! Nintendo the Blue indeed!! :D

Having Gatesy turn the motley crew of guys into a boygroup sounds like fun! Do you have time to write a post for them? So far, it looks like we have: Vogie, tenor; Etceteron, baritone; Kuruharan, bass; and Gatesy, countertenor (remember the squeaky voice?!). Let me know if you have ideas and can schedule that.

[Lush]

I've put a save that should be filled in by Saturday morning. I risk getting fired if I don't work today, and last night was spent indulging my decadent lifestyle. Apologies all around.

[The Saucepan Man]

Decandent lifestyle is always a good excuse. :smokin:

Soregum is, of course, up for judging the competition. Feel free to incorporate his reactions to the various acts. I will post something at the end by way of an adjudication. (Hmm, who's gonna win?)

Mind you, I might have to post something soon for the Dread Developer too. After all, seems he's got to get to Valleyum somehow now. :rolleyes:

Bah! Seems like eveyone's acting like rats deserting the sinking ship. Well, Môgul has a few more tricks up his sleeve. Just remember, it's always best to be on the victor's side. ;)

Deus ex machina, eh, Thena. Well, we shall see ... [drat, now where's that evil smilie, oh well, nothing for it then ....] ... MWA HA HA!!!!

[Thenamir]

I am unfortunately unable to use chat at work anymore, so if there are topics taht need to be discussed, we'll have to resort to PM here in the forum. Blasted firewall...where's Chrysophylax when you need him...

[Lush]

So I was going to go see a bellydancer tonight, but that doesn't look like it's working out, so lo and behold, I decided to be good tonight, and went ahead and posted.

Who shall be our first contestant?

[Estelyn Telcontar]

OK, I posted for Merisu; the competition begins with the 'boy group': Vogie, Etc., Kuru and Gatesy. Thena, do you have time to write that post within a day or two/three? If not, I'll write it - or happily pass it on to any volunteer who wants it. After that, we will have performances by Grrralph and O2 before Merisu sings. I would suggest that Pimpi lie low in order to be forgotten by Leninia - perhaps she's backstage, still eating, scavenging food for Soregum, or something.

The performance posts need not be monumental in length; it's just more fun to have various people posting than if only one did it.

Lush, please PM me about how we want to plan the finish, above all, what you would like to have happen to Leninia...

[Thenamir]

I will attempt to get a post up tonight(Sunday) but I do have some work to do. Knowing the sporadic nature of my recent communications, I will say that if I do not have a boy-band post up by Tuesday evening, please continue without me for the moment. Good job, all.

[The Saucepan Man]

I have put up a save for a quick post for Soregum to react to being co-opted into the Simon Cowell role (ah, but even Soregum's not as evil as THAT). :D

I'll try to fill it out in the next day or so.

[Mithadan]

FYI, Grrralph has prepared a solo to aid in defeating the evil Leninia. Where's Trotskymir when you need him?

[Lush]

Trotskymir is cavorting with Fridawyniel Khalorilier. And forgetting to look behind him!

[The Saucepan Man]

Soregum's Save has now been filled in. Unfortunately, it doesn't quite follow on from Esty's previous post, but neverthless the stage is now set for the barbershop quartet, boy band, four piece combo or whatever it is that they are ... :smokin:

[The Barrow-Wight]

"Except in Grundor where we're banned" cracked me up. It takes a very disturbed mind to do a Village People routine, T. Thumbs up.:smokin: <-- placed there to show I'm to studly too be in a VP dance number ;)

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Thanks for great posts, Saucy, BW and Thena! I put up a save for a brief explanation of the point distribution and for Soregum's rating of the first act. BW or Mith, whoever of you is ready for the next post may proceed.

[Thenamir]

I was reviewing some old posts and came across this tidbit posted by Mithadan sometime in September:
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that our next stop in this little ramble is the Forest of Canned Corn. After that, should our valiant band survive the encounter with the inhabitants of that wood, we will be paying a visit to Dorktank.

Did we intentionally cut the visit to Dorktank, just as PJ did to the movie? Horrors... :eek:

[The Saucepan Man]

Perhaps Sauerkraut's fate can be addressed in the Extended Edition, Thena. :eek: :D

Just had to comment on the contest entries so far, which are utterly inspired.

The thought of Gatesy, Earnur, Vogie and Kuru prancing around in their Village People get up is most amusing. I trust that Lord Etceteron wore a handlebar 'tache for the occasion. Mind you, I was looking forward to a rousing chorus of "R-O-E-B" complete with actions.

And Orogarn Two's Slim Shady routine was fantastic. Great lyrics! I always saw him as a heavy rocker myself, but never again. Someone give that man an ice-hockey mask and chainsaw.

At this rate, Soregum is going to have a very difficult time choosing (if he bases his decision on merit, that is, which is of course most unlikely).

[Estelyn Telcontar]

What, Thena, you were expecting continuity in this RPG?? :eek: Actually, I forgot all about Dorktank - shall we do a "meanwhile, back at the ranch" for it? If anyone has some good ideas for a flashback or something similar, please do let me know.

I put up another save for rating O2's inspired performance - I wonder, does he have a good enough reputation? ;) Now it's Grrralph's turn before Merisu takes the stage.

[The Barrow-Wight]

Sorry if Orogarn Two forgot anyone in his song. There are so many to keep track of.

[Lush]

BW, you post had me drooling, eyes glazed over in sheer ecstasy.

Not that Leninia, uh, knows anything about mind-altering substances.

[Diamond18]

I object -- never once have I implied that Vogonwë has a bad singing voice. :p Actually, I'm quite impressed by those dance moves, so all is well. Though I have no idea which Village Person he was supposed to be. (Hey, I'm a child of the 90's. Baby of the 80's, child of the 90's, woman of the 00's. Stop laughing.)

Smashing good performance by O2, though I have to say that the whole Eminem thing just about smashes the Travest-O-Metre ™ in the most brutal and resonding way yet. Are the cropped locks going to be permanent? If so, there goes Oggie's chance to join up with The Darkness and revive the big hair style.

Anyway, the point of this post is to say that I'd like to get a short post in between Merisu and Lenina's performances. My thought was that Pimpi was supposed to go after Merisu, but has a bout of extreme stage fright (as well as serious doubts about the song she's supposed to perform) and ends up losing her turn, only to come back in resounding triumph after Lenina thinks all has been won. So anyway, letting me get a Save in edgewise should suffice before Lush can go ahead. :)

[Estelyn Telcontar]

That's a great plot twist, Diamond! I'm writing Merisu's performance post now, but it takes time to get it done well, so it will be another day or so before it's up. You can get a post and/or save in then.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

I've filled in the first save for points, after the SmallShire People's performance. Sorry, Americans, the Eurovision song contest reference will be unfamiliar to you... Next save to be filled later today.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

O2 now has his points as well; after the current saves are filled in, Merisu's performance will go up...

[Mithadan]

Sorry, Lush. Grrralphie seems to have temporarily shanghaied the Entish Guitar. My apologies to Jön, Pôl, Jörj and the Hobbit Ringo.

Rock on, Dudes!

[Diamond18]

My save is up. I took the liberty of assuming that Soregum's rating would follow form for Grrralph performance. :)

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Such wonderful posts, everyone - I wish I had time to rave about them, but alas! I'm busy writing my own posts. Grralph has his points - the result probably won't surprise anyone. Now that that save is filled, I've put up the next, to be completed within hours. (No, don't ask how many hours, though I do hope within 24...)

Lush, after that it's Leninia's turn to sing, then Pimpi's belated performance will take place - we hope! After that Saucy will post for Soregum.

Anyone who wishes may post backstage whispering or subplots from far away.

[Lush]

Leninia has sung her swan-song.

As soon as Pimpi performs and Soregum is done, can I still have a little freak-out show for the plain purposes of getting some pity?

[Diamond18]

Gee, well, I was hoping that Pimpi's coup d'état would be a surprise to Leninia, so I could revel in imagining the horror, consternation and apoplectic yet impotent anger of her sudden realization that she's been beat. :) Now I have to recalculate, which is why...

...I am going to have Pimpi ask Soregum for Leninia's head on a platter, a la Salome.

If it's allowed.

**Pleeeeeaaaase?**

:D

Actually, is it just me, or is there a trend forming that the villains Pimpi and/or Vogonwë get to defeat end up turning all sympathetic before it happens? Hmmmm....

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Well, well, well - it looks like Leninia has the gift of foresight! Who'd have thought that she could see beyond herself to realize what's coming. Lush, you're welcome to have her freak out all you want - you may want to contact Saucy to make sure he sets the situation up for whatever you plan to do.

Diamond, you can ask, to be sure, but who knows what answer you will get?!

[Diamond18]

OK, I will have my post up in the next couple of days. If anyone has any sort of post in the meantime, I just ask that no one in the Itship shares Leninia's premonitions. I want them to be suitably dejected at our hostess's high scoring performance. All hope is lost, and all that good stuff.

[Lush]

I thought surprising Leninia would have been kind of untrue of her cunning character. Pimpi can ask for any body parts she desires, and Leninia will be obliging, as any decent hostess. Only I don't want her to share Vinaigrettiel's fate, since that would be repetitive.

[The Saucepan Man]

*A small figure wrapped in a dark cloak appears on the screen and proceeds to speak in an improbably ludicrous and vaguely European accent*

Hola, Middled-Moth!

Zeez are ze points von ze Moredough Judge:

Ze Purple von ze Smellshure: deux points

Ze Horrogarn Deux: deux points

Ze Gcchhhrrrrrralf : deux points

Ze Marrizu: deux points

Und ze Lemmonia ...

********************

Sorry folks, if it was up to me the scoring to date would have been far higher, given the high standard of the entries. But the Moredough judge seems to have been acting under some strange influence beyond his (or my) control ...

Once Pimpi has given her peformance (of a lifetime), I shall post something for Soregum, in which he gives a little performance of his own, and then goes on to tally up the scores.

Lush, if you want me to set up anything for Leninia's next post, please let me know.

[Diamond18]

Pimpi's siren song is up. I will admit right out that I did not write or even alter any of the lyrics to her song. I an relying on sex appeal rather than cleverness. :D I hope you have all seen "O Brother Where Art Thou?" because otherwise the effect juts might not be the same.

[Lush]

I an relying on sex appeal rather than cleverness.

A move worthy of any butch feminist. :D

Saucy, it would be nice if you admonish Leninia a little. Soul-sucking is just inappropriate of a hostess, fresh towels or no fresh towels.

[The Saucepan Man]

Ziggy Soregum's performance is done, the points awarded and the victor(s) announced. And Soregum has succeeded in infiltrating the Itship into the bargain.

Apologies for the length. It was somewhat necessary for plot development purposes ...

... sorry, did I say plot? What was I thinking of? :D

Lush, because it was so long, I had to put it into two posts (an error message came up when I tried it in one). So, do you mind deleting your save in between the two posts and saving again after the second one?

I'll be away over Easter (the sea calls to me ;) ), so I won't be able to post again for a while. When the Itship leaves Marrow Bones Studios, would someone be kind enough to make sure that Soregum is reunited with Twinkle, who is daintily grazing on the grass just outside. Thanks. :)

[Lush]

Righto.

Wonderful coup, Saucy.

I am extremely, extremely sick right now. If I shall find the strength, the post goes up tonight. If not...within a day or two.

*cough wheeze blast it cough*

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Wonderful posts, Diamond and Saucy, and great performances by both characters!! Saucy, what makes you think any post of yours could ever be too long?! Every word of it was enjoyable!

Looking forward to your save, Lush - take whatever time you need and get well soon!

Since no one volunteered to write a "Meanwhile, back at Dorktank" post, I'm doing so right now - it should be up within the next hours.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

...Save is filled...

[Lush]

Save filled. It's about as strong of an attempt as my illness will allow. Hence, it's not very strong at all.

Leninia's fate is in ya'll's hands. I am going to chug more medicine.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

OK, the Itship has gained two new 'members' - who wants to take us away from the studio and/or get us to [Bree]?

[Thenamir]

A few random notes/ideas.


Is Gateskeeper the only one who thinks that it might not exactly be wise to admit to our Grand-Debacle-Ship a wight who just tried to suck away our precious souls? At least with Gravlox there was a precedent for bringing in stray Uruks...
Speaking of which, when wil we hear of the fate of poor Gravlox after being overhauled by Greedhog And Associates?
I will be doubling up by playing Sauerkraut in pursuit of the Westbound-ship, but how many other people/uruks/loyers/entities do we currently have in pursuit of our Happy-Go-Lucky-Ship? And would/could they ever interact?
I'm not sure about the exact geography of Muddled-Mirth (who among us is? :rolleyes: ) but assuming that it's roughly near to the canonical maps, we missed an opportunity to visit (or be visited by) Roneld McDoneld between Canned Corn and Marrow-Bones Studios...(ask me later why I don't think of these things *before* we pass them by)
And while we're on the subject of geography, wouldn't Bree (for which I suggest the Muddled-Mirth parody name of "Beer", a sure problem for Earnur), wouldn't Beer have come before the Marrow-Bones? <ducks while other questians throw rotten fruit oddments and the occasional shoe>
Lastly, before we leave will we get to witness that which Diamond18 foretold,I am going to have Pimpi ask Soregum for Leninia's head on a platter, a la Salome.


I will post briefly for Sauerkraut shortly, as well as try to get a Gateskeeper post to get us out of the Studios and on the road again. (Hmmm...sounds like a cue for a song if ever I heard one...)

[Thenamir]

Considering the names of Sauerkraut's recently, err, laid-off underlings, does that make Sauerkraut a cereal killer???

[Estelyn Telcontar]

*Estelyn chokes on her Cheerios*

A few answers to your excellent questions, Thena:

Of course it's not wise to take Leninia along - this is a Mary Sue story!

I assume we will hear more from Gravlox in the future, but only Mith and perhaps Saucy know what is planned for him.

Check with Saucy to see if there could be interaction with Mogûl.

Yes, we've muddled about a bit on our journey, but Roneld's Ranch would be out of our way since we went through the GAP and headed straight up the North/South Road (Greenway). Veering off to the left a bit got us into the Bones; now we veer to the right to get to Bree. I don't think we already had a parody name for that, so unless someone else has a better suggestion, Beer it is.

Diamond, are we waiting for Pimpi's reaction before leaving?

[Diamond18]

Well, I had vaguely planned to insert it after Soregum's final say about the scores, but it didn't seem a quite opportune time, so I was then going to wait till after Leninia's reaction... which isn't very opportune either, since Earnur is supposed to be answering her question... oui? So I thought, maybe, if Earnur were to give Leninia an affirmative (who died and made him boss, anyway?) then Pimpi could express roughly the sames concerns as Thena, and suggest a wiser solution.

So I suppose I should write that post, shouldn't I? Right. Yes. Righto.

...Soon...

[Diamond18]

It's up.

[The Saucepan Man]

Is Gateskeeper the only one who thinks that it might not exactly be wise to admit to our Grand-Debacle-Ship a wight who just tried to suck away our precious souls? Hmm, and taking along a former acolyte of Sauerkraut who has done a deal with the Dark Lord, not to mention the Dark Lord's chief dogsbody is a good idea ...? :D


Speaking of which, when wil we hear of the fate of poor Gravlox after being overhauled by Greedhog And Associates? Gravlox has been suitably injuncted, had his assets stripped and is currently languishing in a dungeon in the Dark Tower Block. Môgul shall deal with him in his next post, unless Mith wants to post something in the meantime. Either way, I am sure that we have not heard the last of him ...


Check with Saucy to see if there could be interaction with Mogûl. Môgul will soon be headed west. I see no reason why there shouldn't be interaction with Sauerkraut (or Colin the specky geek as he's known to Môgul) on the way. Although Môgul and his forces will be sailing from the port of Slumbar.


Bree (for which I suggest the Muddled-Mirth parody name of "Beer", a sure problem for Earnur) Sounds like the kind of place Soregum might enjoy too. :smokin:


Great posts, Thena and Diamond. But, Diamond ...


a corpus cacophonous of argument, pontification, and recitation. Is that a comment on the nature of my posts? ;)

Does anyone else want to take Soregum's decision and get the Hiatus-ship out of Marrow Bones? I was planning on doing a Môgul post next. Whoever takes it, be sure not to forget Twinkle.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Can do - am putting up a save to be filled today, at the very latest tomorrow, so that the "plot" can continue.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

I have taken the Itship (Extended Edition) to the gate of Beer. Anyone is welcome to take them in and to the Inn (Nancing Pony, was it? ;) ) and provide them with their due adventures. After that, we head for the Old Forest, where there will be a guest cameo.

Thanks for wonderful posts, everyone - wish I could go into detail to let you know how much I enjoyed them and just when I laughed, but alas, time marches on...

[The Saucepan Man]

Esty, you forgot to pick up Twinkle. :(

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Since I left the details of the journey from Marrow-Bones to Beer ambiguous, consider Twinkle picked up...

[The Saucepan Man]

... I feared that she may have been rustled by Phil Berney. :D

[Estelyn Telcontar]

OK folks, I'm off for two weeks of vacation, so it's up to the rest of you to keep the story going while I'm gone! I was the last one who posted and did get the Tutti-Frutti-Ship to Beer, so I hope someone feels inspired to parody-name the Inn and write some action there. If the adventure moves on, please take us to the Old Forest afterwards. See you again soon!

[Estelyn Telcontar]

What's this, a writing crew gone lazy?? When the cat's away, the mice don't play? And now the birthday party will demand attention...

*Estelyn sighs*

[Estelyn Telcontar]

I´ve taken Merisu over to the Shire for the birthday party - a sidetrack that actually fits into the ´plot´! Anyone who cares to follow suit and Falafel is welcome to join in, since nothing is happening on the game thread at the moment anyway...

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Well, I'm back!

And I will be bringing Merisu back to the Itship soon - anyone have unfinished business at the Inn in Beer before we leave? Vacation break's over, let's get back on the road, folks!

[The Saucepan Man]

Soregum's save is filled.

Well, what did you expect to happen in a place called "Beer"? :rolleyes:

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Saucy, what a - umm, smashing post! You wrote a great continuation (including a wonderful song!) of the Inn scene started off by Mith, who, by the way, gets a special award for faithfulness in posting - I checked the thread statistic and found that he is the writer with the second-highest post count. (Highest is yours truly, which is to be expected from the game owner and initiator.)

As soon as Thena's save is filled in, I will post Merisu's return and the departure of the Fellow/Galship from Beer, traveling through the Old Forest. Next post will then be a guest cameo.

Those who have not yet posted are welcome to plan posts for the Shire/Mire - both the beginning of LotR and the Scouring can be used as a parody basis, since we will be going on to the Havens after that.

[Lush]

Yo yo yo.

I might be wanting to jump in after the guest cameo (excitement!) and tell you all a little bit about Leninia's horse and how the daughters of evil wizards respond to the scenery of the Mire. Oh, and is Pimpi still mad at Leninia for not letting her have her head? ;)

Anyway, what all of that meant is that I've taken residence in my new apartment, my summer course-load is light, and I can finally post again.

[Thenamir]

Just to clarify...

Although a number of strange and fortuitous circumstances seem to follow Gateskeeper everywhere, the fact that he is a wizard is still not known amongst the Questians. Gatesy, though he has had rumblings of a change of heart, is still trying to keep a low profile whilst the two sides of his ego battle it out. It may come out before the end, especially when Sauerkraut catches up with them, but for now, everyone thinks Gatesy is just an exceptionally lucky dude - except for Earnur, who thinks of him (when sober) as a two-bit upstart glory hound.

Of course, I'm open to other interpreatations. I just wanted to make sure I was on the same page as everyone else

Thena

[The Saucepan Man]

Thena

That's how I understood it. But are you OK with the reference to him as a wizard in the narrative, or would you rather that I changed it in my post?

~Sauce~

[Thenamir]

No need to edit, Saucy. It in no way implies that the Questians know what's up Gateskeeper's staff. Thanks for checking in.

I'll have a post up before the weekend is over. I'm going to try to stir things up a bit.

[Thenamir]

Righto, my save has been filled in. Sauerkraut is hot on our heels, time to move out quickly. Thanks for your patience everyone!

[Diamond18]

Oh, and is Pimpi still mad at Leninia for not letting her have her head?

Pimpi doesn't have a very long attention span, or a memory for things that have happened while she was drugged. :p If Leninia witholds food from her, however, that may be cause for a lifelong grudge.

By the way, SPM, I love the ending touch on your last post. Classic. :D

[The Saucepan Man]

Hmm, was that a glimpse of one of the guests heading home from the BD party, Esty ... or something altogether different ... :eek:

Time will tell ...

Thena, much though his parentage may be in doubt (and it is said that one of his ancestors must have taken a Goblin wife), Soregum is very much (in appearance at least) a Hobbit.

Nice bit of schizophrenic discourse there, though. What inspired that, I wonder? Personally, I'm rooting for the evil conscience. ;) And as for Bill Fur-Knee. :D

[Thenamir]

Profuse apologies, Saucy, I have made the appropraite edits to my post. That's what I get for not reading closely enough.

[Lush]

I posted.

Esty, if my post conflicts with the upcoming plans in any way (though I tried my best to keep it short and sweet and noncommittal, like many other collegiate affairs), let me know.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

No problem, Lush, and thanks for a fun post! Thanks to Thena as well, who kept the fires burning - for the weenie roast, I s'pose...

[Bêthberry]

This most recent selection is taken from older pieces found on loose leaves interspersed with the narrative of the Downfall of the Lord of the Rings. Its authorship is pseudonymous--apparently a surviving family member of one of the principals in the story. It is by all accounts an apocryphal text which may be included here with the other apocryphal texts unless there is a revolt among the literati concerning canonicity.

Clearly this alternate text--indeed, all of them, from various hands--suggests that the accepted narrative may tell a limited story about the traditions of Man. Certainly there is a greater range of reference and idea in the unauthorised texts. The idea of simultaneity of serial time when viewed from an overarching memory is here explored far more fully than the primary texts themselves allow.

Whether this was composed prior to or after Frodo's visit to the House of Bombadil with the other hobbits cannot now be determined, particularly in view of this theory of time. The textual evidence does not allow for it. There is a strong preference among many learned readers to date Frodo's visit before the Wouldship's visit, but holographic tests of dating have not yet been done to verify this reading preference.

The text appears to be a conflation of two prior texts which we may call T and LB. The T text is widely enough known that I do not need to refer to it here. However, the LB text is less widely known and may in fact for many be represented solely by the recently discovered Digital Scribe Scrolls found here. (http://www.homeiswhereweparkourhouse.com/lltrailer.html)

The text is clearly incomplete. A dinner with some anticipated problems is clearly suggested as well as exploration of the long defeat in subsequent ages referred to in the canonical T texts. It is possible the author anticipates a foray into Seventh Age Sarehole, now a posh neighbourhood of Birmingham interrupted rather barbarously by one of the monstrous M highways.

It is also possible that the author contemplated the Wouldship's journey along M40 to the actual barrow of T himself, in order to verify an alternate text by a scribe known only as The Squatter of Amon Rûdh, found recently in a digital barrow frequented by adoring dead fans of T.

Whether these possibilities were explored remains to be seen. Certainly scholars are still exploring the digital remains of the LB texts and we can look forward to analysing their place in the entire panoply of apocryphal texts. It is known, for instance, that one further text exists which recounts how the Woodship would ship wood back to Yê Auldë Forestë but that text is still undergoing extensive archeological treatment to ensure that it does not disintegrate when it is transcribed onto the new digital scrolls here. For the time being we must hope that further excavations will bring to light more adventures of the Woodenship in the Seventh Age.

RIP Lucy and Desi and, of course, JR himself also.

[Mithadan]

*Mithadan chuckles appreciatively at Bethberry's post, then frowns. He consults his parents' birth certificates...hmmmm....("Esta hija nací en Havana, Cuba...", "Esto hijo nací en Havana, Cuba..."). Mithadan returns to his dressing room to puff himself up with righteous indignation.

*Mithadan returns, fully puffed...

"It ees ang outrage! Scandalooz! Mine family heritaj, eet has beeng slandered! I demand apoloshees ang reparaciones, immediatamente! It ees discriminacion angainst los Cubanos! Usang foul charicia...charimpato...cartoon-like images of peepolz of myng nachonal heritaje ees horrible! Ang foorthermare..."

*Kuruharan and BW emerge from their dressingrooms and drag Mithadang away. BW pulls out a Spanish-English dictionary, circles the entry for "parody" and stuffs the book into Mithadang's mouse...

[Diamond18]

Good Afternoon, Ladies and Gentlemen,

We at Magical Improbabilites Inc. would like to take a moment to lay aside all questions of time travel, mechanical mishmashery, fashion faux pas, and ethnic parody, to address a matter which is, no doubt, far more important.

Pimpi scowled, but a scowl not missed by Soregum who lost no opportunity to be of service by offering the ample hobbit miss his arm to steady herself as she attempted the flighty stairs into the trailer, which nearly bent beneath her weight.

We are concerned and confounded at this slanderous and unfounded insinuation that our dear Pimpiowyn is, dare we say, fat! While she does indulge in various fattening comestibles, her nature as a Mary Sue Sidekick and Shieldmaiden In Training grants her complete amnesty from all unpleasant and/or plump side effects. Either that, or she just has a really, really, really high metabolism. A picture of a very fat hobbit stashed somewhere in her attic is also a possibility.

We thank you for your time,
Pipsissewa Took*, Founder and CEO of Magical Improbabilities Inc.


* Note: Yes, gentle readers, some of you may recognize the name of Pimpi's dead mother. Which makes it all the more improbable, does it not?

[Kuruharan]

Oh, wow! I have a dressing room?!! Where has it been hiding all this time? No more changing out in the bushes for me!!

As some of you may have noticed, I finally escaped from the insane asylum...uh, I mean the university! I can pick up my poor neglected characters again.

I also want to extend congratulations because the sing-off was just unspeakably hilarious. :D

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Thank you, Bêthberry, for wonderful posts, both on the RPG and here on the discussion thread! They had me chuckling my way through reading this morning. 'Gucyberry' brings two highly varying images to my mind - 'gooseberry' and 'Gucciberry'! ;) A Gucci-toting goose, perhaps?

At any rate, the Itship is travelling in style - no Fatty Lumpkin for us, no sirree! More horsepower and chrome...

We have occasionally gotten side-tracked, but this is the first time we're time-tracked! No complaints about the length of your post from me - every word was a pleasure to read. Welcome back to the continuing adventures of the Entish Bow and Co.!

Further posts are up for grabs - make whatever you like of this situation, folks. Either Bb or I will eventually bring it to a close.

[The Saucepan Man]

Good to see you Bêthberry. :)

An excellent post, if I may say so, although I must also thank you for providing a link to details of the film in question, as one who has not had the benefit of seeing it. The M40, eh? A route that I am, unfortunately, only too familiar with. Next time that I'm on it, I'll look out for a big long yellow trailer stuck (as most of the traffic always seems to be) in the fast lane. :D

One point of detail - Mogul's symbol is the Red Flaring Nostril, rather than the Eye.


We are concerned and confounded at this slanderous and unfounded insinuation that our dear Pimpiowyn is, dare we say, fat! While she does indulge in various fattening comestibles, her nature as a Mary Sue Sidekick and Shieldmaiden In Training grants her complete amnesty from all unpleasant and/or plump side effects. Whereas Soregum sports a rather fetching pot-belly (he's such a catch ;) ). No doubt the stairs were bending under his weight, rather than Pimpi's.

[Bêthberry]

I will make those changes as soon as possible. Naughty me for reading over the game too swiftly.

I shall be away for a week or perhaps two, but Estelyn will return the Itship to the Third Age if you all cannot wait that long.

The movie is a very old bit of American film lore, to be sure, older than yours truly. I saw it as a child during Saturday afternoon matinees for kids at the local cinema, along with cartoons, a Batman and Robin serial, and the Three Stoges. I also recall Jerry Lewis' Cinderfella, but that seemed less apropo.

sorry for being abrupt. I must run.

[Mithadan]

Welcome back O Mighty Dwarf (and dragon)!

[Mithadan]

FYI, everyone, I will be on vacation from 6/14-6/21 and will have no internet access.

[Thenamir]

I have a couple of ideas for a Gateskeeper post (the mind boggles at what a wizard could contrive when accompanied by modern technology) but when last we left out Intrepid-Band-Ship, they were pulling onto a highway to who-knows-where. Is this road trip heading somewhere in particular, or are we just joyriding? I don't want to disrupt any plans which might be in the works.

I call dibs on first mention of the fact that this road-train moves without horses, oxen, or any-other-means-explicable-to-Muddled-Mirthlings.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

No particular goal, Thena - when we leave this time bubble and get back to ME, we'll be heading for the Shire/Mire, but for now, anything goes! Go ahead and take advantage of the situation; I'll wait a few days to see what loose ends need tying up before Bêthberry hopefully returns to finish this sequence.

Two new posts since my last acknowledgement - thanks, Saucy for your great contribution! "turbo-charged Wargs, Porsha and Furrari" - ?! :D The Loyer song is hilarious! Diamond, it's good to have you active again - we've missed your posts! You seem to have the longest attention span of all of us writers - who'd have remembered Harvey the rabbit?!

[Diamond18]

Whatever do you mean? I forgot all about the poor thing! ;) SPM's catch up post for Gravlox reminded me. Personally, I suspect Chrysi of foul play somewhere between the dungeon and the sing off. :p

[Kuruharan]

GASP!!!

He would never do anything like that!!!!

Well, actually, yes he would. And mentioning Gravlox, he and Chrysophylax probably have in interesting reunion looming at some point.

[Diamond18]

Ew. I'd forgotten all about Chrysi having eaten Gravlox's corpse. That Mantoes sure does work wonders, doesn't he?

Chrysi is very handy for dispatching with forgotten characters -- just ask Norni. ;)

[Kuruharan]

Chrysophylax: Ask who? *URP* Pardon... ;)

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Sorry for the protracted absence. I've just finished catching up with the plot and was horrified to see that one appears to have developed. Unless there are any objections, I think I may try to work out some back story for the mysterious hermit alluded to by Bethberry. You have until I can write a post to submit demurrals in triplicate to the Amon Rûdh Customer Relations Department, for 'immediate fast-track processing' *

* 'Immediate', 'fast-track' and 'processing' are used figuratively, and are in no way intended to suggest any form of response, rapid or otherwise.

[Kuruharan]

Forgive me if I forgot anybody. I'm sure anyone I unintentionally slighted will find ample means of informing me of my ooopsie.

Are we about to have an unexpectedly lofty visitor from the recent past and (at the same time) very distant future, who wrote some familiar tomes? Is he going to chastise us severely for our rascally ways?

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Ai! The Travest-o-Meter(TM) is rotating at a dangerous rate! Thanks for great posts, Squatter and Kuruharan!! Who's inspired next?

[Estelyn Telcontar]

What's the use of having talking animals if they aren't allowed to speak their minds occasionally?! Two new posts are up - thanks to Diamond and Falafel for continuing the saga!

[Mithadan]

:smokin:

Gone fishing, be back soon

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Good luck, Mith!

Thanks, Diamond, for yet another great post, exploring a side of Middle-earth usually noted only by Radagast...

Anyone wanting to take advantage of the opportunity to explore the possibilities of time travel should hurry up - I will be posting early next week to finish the sidetrack off, and Bb will end the escapade approximately mid-week.

[Bêthberry]

Oh my Squatter, a most clever interjection of the Travestometer, and by Squirrels no less!

An astounding post. More I cannot say as the settling dust chokes my throat. Back soon ...

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Thanks, Bêthberry.

I thought I'd include the illustrious academics, Doctors Overdale and Tenant because I know that a lot of you are already familiar with their ground-breaking experiments on the Travest-o-Meter®. The paper that these two distinguished pioneers of rotary travestorial measurement eventually published in New Scientist does describe one occasion on which a group of individuals, by their mere speech patterns and physical presence, destroyed one of the early prototypes. Obviously such an event could not have occurred with one of the production models, which feature an emergency shut-down mechanism to be used in the unstable situations that can occur on the frontiers of literary criticism.

Tenant and Overdale were unfortunate in that their invention was revealed to the scientific community only days after a new calculation of Pi, which eclipsed the Travest-o-Meter and lost them their Nobel Prize. However, they managed to console themselves by becoming two of the richest scientists in the history of the world through the mass production of their discovery. Currently they act as remote consultants on the use of Travest-o-Metrics from a five-star hotel in Barbados.

[Mister Underhill]

TO: Doctor Squatter, Esq., Bungalow Three, Surfside, Barbados

FROM: Doctor Underhill (Field Marshall, ret.), Bungalow Seven, Surfside, Barbados

RE: Another success


My Dear Squatter,

Congratulations on your latest achievement in the translation of Deeproot's magnum opus. I have received a note from an independent research team in Bern. Their analysis of the events of the past thirty odd hours indicates that you have successfully conflated fiction, satire, mediated reality, and actual reality into so tangled a self-referential web that it will take scholars and fanboys decades of intensive research, discussion, and debate to unravel its strands.

We are one step closer to our dream of a utopian future powered solely by Travest-o-technology©.

I'm certain you will also be interested in the attached video-still forwarded to me by the boys in our lab at Travest-o-Corp-Wolvercote. It shows our advanced industrial prototype safely* venting overload from a spike event that occurred yesterday, roughly between 12:10:00 and 12:40:00 GMT.

I shall be by the hot-tub if you wish to join me in celebration. Just follow the sound of popping champagne corks and the smell of Hawaiin Tropic suntan oil.

Yours &tc.,

Dr. Underhill

ATTACHMENT:

http://forum.barrowdowns.com/images/travestometer_venting.jpg


*In any case it would have been safe if some bumbling idiots had not failed to paint a "DO NOT WALK" warning on the floor behind the exhaust port as is plainly indicated in our design schematic. Apparently HR is quietly seeking a new junior lab technician for the Wolvercote facility as of this morning. I'll say no more in respect of a legal action which I am informed may be impending.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Dear Sirs,

I would like to take this opportunity to complain of the serious health damage inflicted upon me by the reading of your report. I do not know in which field of learning your doctorate was aquired, but I could have used a medical doctor to stich up my sides after your account had me in stitches. It is reported that a healer will arrive soon; perhaps her ministrations will soothe my ailment.

Respectfully,
Lady Estelyn, Chief Loremistress of Minas Tirith

[Mithadan]

*Grrralph enters a crypt-like cavern, waving away the dust that hovers in the air before him. Cobwebs hang from the stone ceiling and rubble and powdered stone cover the uneven floor. Needs a sweeping, he muses before continuing on towards the dressing room doors which line the far wall. He knocks at first one, then another and still another. No answer.

"Hallloooo!" he cries. But the only response is a sudden flurry of bat wings. A portal opens to his left and a ghostly hand emerges, beckoning to him with a crooked finger. "We have been waiting for you," intones an unearthly voice. "Come.... Elvenhome awaits..."

He staggers back and begins pounding again upon the dressing room doors. Behind him, Mantoes emerges from the glowing portal and moves towards him followed by an officious looking Elf carrying a clipboard. "Tsk, tsk," clucks the Elf. "Well overdue. Shall we take him Boss?"

Mantoes raises his arm and reaches towards Grrralph. He opens his mouth to speak even as the wraith rattles the doorknob of another dressing room. What will Mantoes say...?

[Kuruharan]

Kuruharan sticks his head out of his (newly discovered) dressing room where he had been quietly moldering.

“huh…wha…” he said in one of his more articulate utterances of recent memory. Then he caught sight of Mantoes. He suddenly sprang into action.

“Greetings Muddled-mirth’s answer to the Grim Reaper! I see that by some oversight you are lacking in the appropriate equipment for a being in your occupation. If you’ll just step in here I’ll show you my line of scythes, and if that does not interest you, I have a wondrous selection of rakes to peruse.”

“But…I…” stammered Mantoes as Kuruharan shoved him into the dressing room. As soon as he was through the door, Kuruharan slammed it shut on him. Then he went over to speak to Grralph.

“Salutations on your return. I have been waiting eagerly to see if we manage to escape from the Seventh Age in one piece, or with an augmentation of characters. Alas, there seems to be a bit of a contract dispute over reasonable compensation. It appears that the RPG has garnered more money at the box office than originally anticipated and certain members are demanding a larger cut. I naturally have no idea who!” *wink*wink*

“By the way, I notice that Daffy resurrectum est!”

Kuruharan suddenly pulls out a bag.

“I’m sure I have some souvenirs from where ever it was you went to sell you…”

[Bêthberry]

My post will be up by tomorrow, returning the Itship to the Third Age.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Alas, I shall be away from Friday to Monday, so I can't post after Bb gets us back. Who volunteers to take the Itship into the Shire - oops, I mean 'Mire'?

[Bêthberry]

The mis--or missing--adventures of the Tweeship in the Seventh Age raise serious questions about the authorship of Twentieth Century manuscripts by the scribe T. It appears that a manuscript by several hands did once exist which recounted a science fiction time travel journey into alternate times despite T's misgivings about such a genre. Perhaps the manuscript changed his mind about such matters.

This apocryphal text recounts a shocking evidence of the desecration of barrows in times more barbarous than our own. However, it includes other more shocking acts of demolition. Character assassination is indulged in freely. Heretical recontextualising of mythological deities abounds. Automobiles exert the utmost acts of defilement, of air, of roadways, of bodies.

But most shockingly, this REB text leads to the conjecture that certain of T's texts, which remain in unpublished manuscripts, might actually have been inspired by these rough, crude, primitive precursor texts of the wanton Third or Fourth Age. The Marquette University manuscript known as The Bovardium Fragments owes a striking resemblance to these documents of the Reunification of the Entish Bow. Certainly there T goes much farther in the final destruction of Oxford than anything the REB writers dared to imagine, although his hand no doubt is far lighter, nay, even flippant, than theirs. However, we must not conjecture too strongly about the sub-creational tendencies of the REB documents. Certainly they maintain a reasonable correspondence with historical sites of Oxford. The Trailer Trash art installation by itself remains the single most profound example of how art imitates life. Compare it with the Headington Shark to determine for yourself the much richer context of signifiers in the REB documents than in the Council Regulation Minutes.

One final note. The REB documents continue to develop the harmonies and musical themes of popular music and rock and roll, but this latest document extends the reach by suggesting just wherein Emu's great theme stands in relation to these later themes. The references are too numerous to mention here but no doubt they will give scholars in ages to come a most profitable expenditure of time and research skills in the recovery of source materials.

~ ~ ~

Humblest apologies to Pimpi for casting such vile aspersions on her size and to SpM for confusing those two very different facial features, the Eye and the Nostril. I overlooked the later by a hair. All errors will be corrected tomorrow.

To Mithadan, for your very funny remonstrances about Latino stereotypes, many thanks. It kept me chucking for many a day.

Dear REBers, many thanks for your indulgence about my delay in setting up the final act of this cameo and for allowing me the fun of joining briefly in the mayhem. I should probably confess here that I think On Fairy Stories is one of Tolkien's most brilliant works.

And now, on to Mirth from The Mire... Just remember to keep it clean, eh? ;)

Bethberry

[Estelyn Telcontar]

We RPG and libel it just so,
(for parody it is, the Entish Bow);
we write a post and read with smiling face
one of the many major wastes of space:
a sword’s a sword, some metal in a sheath
compelled to speak or to condemn to death.
Amid the serious, canon, lofty tales,
here, influence of moderators pales.

At bidding of a Plot, which we do bend
(and must), we only dimly apprehend;
the Itship marches on, as Game unrolls
from dark beginnings to uncertain goals;
and as on screen ‘tis written without clue,
with letters green on background black in hue,
an endless multitude of posts appear,
some grim, some frail, some wonderful, some queer.

The REB is not compound of lies,
but draws some humour from the only Wise,
and still recalls him. Though now long enstranged,
he turneth in his grave, and every change
the faithful Travestometer doth see;
we hold in honour creativity
and splinter from the true LotR
our many hues with no intent to mar
the memory of him who’s now decayed.
We write still by the model which he made.


A very special thanks to Bêthberry for a wonderfully funny post, written despite difficult circumstances! It was worth waiting for, Bb. Thanks too for the great explanatory post here!

Mith, thanks to you for continuing immediately - I hope that will be an inspiration for all to post as soon as possible! As I posted above, I won't be able to write for Merisu until I'm back next week. Whoever writes, have fun! I look forward to reading.

(edit: Whoa, try to keep up with Mith - while I was writing here, he concocted another great post!)

[Diamond18]

Vogonwë is quite jealous of that poem, Esty. :D

Now that we are in the Mire, I have a question -- what kind of state is the Mire in? Are we talking pastoral pre-post-War-of-the-Thing Mire or under-the-dominian-of-Sauerkraut Mire? I have some ideas but am not sure what kind of setting I should use.

Also, something tells me that Vogie's going to have to remember those karate moves from the Bacon Binge....

[Mithadan]

Perhaps we should speak to Thenamir, but I seem to recall a small army of brainwashed Beerlanders marching our way, led by Sauerkraut. If I were to hazard a guess, I'd say that Sauerkraut has infected the Mire-folk's favorite food with Bad Cow Disease or some such thing. Either way, the Itship's in for more havoc.

As for Gravlox, he's reformed, remember? Vogie has nothing at all to worry about. *snicker*

Vogonwë is quite jealous of that poem, Esty. :D

Now that we are in the Mire, I have a question -- what kind of state is the Mire in? Are we talking pastoral pre-post-War-of-the-Thing Mire or under-the-dominian-of-Sauerkraut Mire? I have some ideas but am not sure what kind of setting I should use.

Also, something tells me that Vogie's going to have to remember those karate moves from the Bacon Binge....

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Are you suggesting, Mith, that what's gone before in this story should have anything to do with what is to come?

Fantastic posts, everyone. I'm not sure I can follow that, but I'll try.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

OK, I'm back from my extended weekend, and there's nothing here to catch up on! I'd like us to get the story moving again. Diamond, when will your save be filled? All who haven't posted recently, please think about developments either in the Shire/Mire or at the Havens, our next stop. The latter should be coordinated with me, since I have plans for the ship trip and its preparation.

[Diamond18]

Sorry -- I meant to get my save in sooner, but then the 4th of July weekend came up. I mean, given the choice between movies and rock concerts and alligators on a stick, who can really blame me, right? Right? Um... anyone? Lush back me up here....

Within the day or two I shall get my act together and the Itship will as per usual band together to destroy a reigon....

[Diamond18]

My save is up. I apologize for the delay, and for the slap-dash nature of the post, but we are on our way again, such as it is.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

A great post, Diamond! You've gotten us off to a good start. I will post next (save will be filled within less than a day, I hope), getting the Shipshape to an inn. After that, anyone is welcome to post, but should plan to do so soon, if possible. Squatter will finish off the adventures in the Mire.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

My save is filled in - go ahead, Saucy!

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Note to all: Saucy may not be able to fill his save soon, so anyone who wants to take the story on from here is welcome to do so. He will move his save if necessary.

[The Saucepan Man]

I have an idea, but I'm just checking that it doesn't conflict with other plans. All being well, I should be able to post within the next few days.

[The Saucepan Man]

Sorry folks, but problems with the computer have prevented me completing my post over the weekend. Hopefully, I'll find a "quiet patch" at work tomorrow so that I can finish it off. :rolleyes: :D

[The Saucepan Man]

Well, it looks like I spoke to soon. Things have suddenly perked up at work, so I have had to forego sleep this very night to complete my post.

It seems that the Itship were back in the future for rather longer than they thought. Sauerkraut has overtaken them, as indeed have events once more ... :D

[Kuruharan]

I can only explain my recent post by saying that I'd seen one too many Guinness commercials... :rolleyes:

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Fabulous posts, guys! Saucy, I hope you made up for the lost sleep - your post certainly made up for the wait! Wonderful dialogues, a clever original name for Soregum, and Candyman, Sparkey, and the other Hobbits to boot. (Well, they do need boots in the mud...)

Kuru, what a fun post - I had mental images of a Hobbit saying, "This, my friend, is a six-pack!" :D

Thena, we look forward to your post! One request though - please check your plans with Squatter, as he has reserved the right to the final scene in the Mire and has ideas for it.

[The Saucepan Man]

I can only explain my recent post by saying that I'd seen one too many Guinness commercials... I now have a mental image of our trusty (nay thrifty) Dwarf doing that crazy dance next to a pint of Guinness twice his height (although you will of course have no idea what I am talking about if that advert shows only in the UK). :D

[Kuruharan]

Alas, while I know of much crazy dancing, and can clearly understand how Guinness could be associated with such, I have no knowledge of commercials combining the two.

The commericals I had in mind revolve around the excessive (and indeed annoying) use of the word "Brilliant!" over and over and over again.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Thena, Squatter, have you been able to coordinate your plans? It would be nice if we could carry on soon!

[Thenamir]

Squatter let me know to go ahead, and he'll make his post fit with mine. I will be posting within the next day or so.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

I'm waiting for Thena's post, then Squatter's to finish off the Shire visit, before we go on to the Havens - I hope we can continue soon!

[Diamond18]

Pimpiowyn is getting really hungry....

*schniff*

[Thenamir]

Pimpi is *very* well fed now...

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Wonderful post, Thena! Chock full of such wisdom as "you can catch more hobbits with hotdogs than halitosis". I especially enjoyed the "in and out" references. Strange, that wizard fight seemed so familiar...

I hope Squatter can continue soon with his planned post.

[Diamond18]

Oh dear. I suppose I asked for it, didn't I? But however did Pimpi get in a zombified state when there was no one manning (wizarding?) the cart to feed her hotdogs? *puzzled*

[Thenamir]

RE: Pimpi's zombified state

I deliberately let that detail remain vague, for the purposes of simplifying the tasks of whoever comes next. Any of several scenarios can be imagined.

(1) Pimpi became so maddened by the smell of the hotdogs that she broke into the cart and binged

(2) Pimpi was rescued by Vogonwe at the last moment, and is pretending to be zombified so as to get close to Sauerkraut without being suspected

Those are only two, and there must be other, more fanciful (and interesting) options. Have fun, and please accept my apologies for the delayed save-fill.

Thenamir

[Diamond18]

Are we to await Squatter's post, or simply make sure the Itship are still in the Mire?

[Thenamir]

I think that I have sufficiently embroiled the it-ship in yet another sub-plot such that as long as we stay in the Mire, a post or two should be OK.

I *will * be disappointed if Sauerkraut is disposed of in a single post...

Thenamir

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Yes, as long as we don't leave the Mire, anyone can carry on for now. Post away, me 'earties!

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Well, I set a good example by being the first to post today! I hope more will follow, as the end of the conflict has not yet been reached.

I most humbly beg JRRT's pardon for lifting most of my post (with amazingly few changes - it fit so well!) from the "Voice of Saruman" chapter of TTT; I shall toss an extra nickel into the Travestometer to pay for the necessary power...

[Kuruharan]

I suppose that if Pimpi were accidently dispatched in the ensuing gout, er, I mean bout, it would save on the travelling expenses to Valleyum, since that is where we are all heading anyway. ;)

Yes, I know. I'm horrible and gross. :D

Forgive me Diamond for I have sinned...

Or words to that effect. ;)

[Thenamir]

Oh, Esty...my sides...the double entendres...the mere thought of Merisu being ravished by Sauerkraut...and then you have her refusing his hotdogs :eek: ...I *know* it must be just my filthy little mind, and that such could not *possibly* have been in your lily-white imaginations... :D

[Estelyn Telcontar]

:eek: Would you believe me when I say that it was entirely unintentional? I don't know what some people manage to read into my innocent words! Go on now, nothing to see here...

[Thenamir]

I know you would never lie to us, Esty. ;)

[Estelyn Telcontar]

As so often in life, if you don't want to be believed, tell the truth - it's too strange to be believable.

[Thenamir]

Anyone object to me putting in a save (I PROMISE I won't take as long to write it!!) to carry along Esty's line of thought in "The Voice Of Saruman"? It would be a real stretch to have Gateskeeper break Saruman's staff, but perhaps he can make the wheels fall off his Cart? Cause his sausage boiler to explode?

Of course, if anyone else has a great idea on how to carry on, please by all means carry on!

[Diamond18]

...A lesser daughter of Elven royalty am I, but I do not need to lick your sauce from my fingers. Turn elsewhere with your rotten hotdogs.”

I'm shocked beyond words. Or maybe just laughing too hard to breathe.... And yes, we all believe you, Esty. Indeed. Completely.

Thena, I had some inklings of ideas about what to do with Vogonwë and Pimpi in light of her zombification, but nothing concrete enough to write up.... So long as you leave her zoned out (and alive *coughKurucough*) I should be able to pick up from anywhere.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Thena has wisely chosen not to put up a save, since he's not sure how soon he can post, so anyone who wants it has the floor. This is a good opportunity to carry on the 'Voice of Saruman' dialogue with your character!

[Kuruharan]

*Sigh*

I watch too much Python (Monty).

[Mithadan]

And I spend too much time on the computer...

If my post conflicts with anyone's plans or ideas, I'd be glad to delete or modify it.

Otherwise, what's next and what shall we do with Gatesy?

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Fabulous posts, guys! Thanks to Kuru for that - umm, interesting contribution! ;) Thena, an inspired continuation, and that after so short an interim! Mith, what a wonderful contribution! I'm still chuckling...

Who wants to carry on?

[Thenamir]

Gateskeeper is expecting the full 3rd-degree interrogation on the purposes for his secretive presence in the What-now-ship.

[Diamond18]

Can we haze him?

[Thenamir]

Not sure Gatesy would appreciate that.

Hey, next REB post is a milestone, #200!! Woohoo!

[Kuruharan]

Not sure Gatesy would appreciate that.

That's the whole point. ;)

Besides we would not hurt him or anything. We might just quietly pull his power cord out of the outlet and tell him his hardware is obsolete, nothing major.

[Diamond18]

My save is filled in. ;)

(It's a bit hasty, but I had the fear of the Stalled RPG put in me).

[Estelyn Telcontar]

I had the fear of the Stalled RPG put in me Hey, I didn't say a word! I'm a patient respectowiggle; it takes more than a days' wait before I start writing prodding PMs. Thanks for your fun post, Diamond!

I put up a save for a brief interrogation post, to be filled today; I hope Thena, Mith or someone - anyone - will answer those questions. As of tomorrow, I'll be away in London et al for a little over a week, so I won't very likely be writing, even if I should get a chance to read. (You never know, though - there have in the past been some slight complaints about my tendency to hijack BD get-together conversations to brainstorm REB plotting, but they are of course much exaggerated! No, no, don't ask Sharkey - I'm sure he enjoyed every minute of it last summer... :rolleyes: )

edit: Save filled in

[Thenamir]

Congratulations to all, the Sauerkraut-subplot turned out even better than I'd expected. A fitting ending for the Head-Dork at Dorktank.

When I saw Mithadan's save I was reminded of something, WAYYYYYY back in post #52...

...(Grrralph) heard the Gateskeeper utter a phrase of a type he had heard before. But where? Then, he was struck by a flash of insight. Ignoring the pain, he reviewed his memory of a scene on a battlefield from not long ago. His former employer had backed a group of up-and-comers in a brief war against a mysterious force. The Eunuchs of Pea-Sea had performed admirably, multitasking their way through the battle which had ended in a draw. But during the battle he had heard a cry like the phrase Gateskeeper had whispered.

Are we now going to fill in this little plot hole? Connect the dots between Gatesy and Grrralph? I am looking forward to the forthcoming post!

[Diamond18]

Another let's-not-call-it-loose-so-much-as-free thread I am reminded of, is a comment from Page 1, pertaining to one Leninia the Deceivingly Little:

History: Rumored to be the illegitimate daughter of a mighty Wizard and a chambermaid, she inherited her mother’s domestic skills and her daddy’s ability to use her voice to destructive means.

I am left to wonder if Leninia's father recently passed away?

[Mithadan]

My save is filled in. What? You expected a cogent explanation from Grrralph or something?

Your turn Thenamir! Time for Gatesy's song and dance.... Hopefully before Labor Day?

[Thenamir]

In reality, things at work have hit a snag (through no fault of mine :D ) that prevents me from doing much of anything that could be called "productive."" If that trend holds for today, and all indications are that it will, I should have a post up by later today.

You mean *I* have to fill in for the loose end *you* left dangling? :rolleyes: I'll do what I can. <sighs>

[Thenamir]

Gateskeeper has performed his confessional. Next?

[Kuruharan]

Poor Chrysophylax. He just can’t keep a good love interest.

[EDIT]Of course, when and if we all make it to Valleyum, they can have a twisted (and likely embarrassing) reunion.

[Thenamir]

Ummm...it was my intent that Sasser was not transferred from the Mire to Moredough, but that Gateskeeper had duplicated the effect and sent it on to Mogul. As far as I'm concerned, Sasser hasn't left (yet), but finding ongoing power sources for her might be problematic...

[Mithadan]

We can be fast and loose on Sasser. If you'd like her to stick around, Kuruharan, we can come up with something. I too feel sorry for Chrysophylax.

[Kuruharan]

Actually, I just had this idea about power failures at awkward moments.;)

You can keep Sasser until the next time I post.

[Thenamir]

Nice post, Mith! One reason I participate in these RPs is the clever ways in which someone will build upon a plot point in a prior post that couldn't possibly have been foreseen, and make it fit perfectly into the narrative. The "disturbance" at Moredough is a classic case in point.

Now that we've thoroughly mucked up the plot, let's see if Squatter can still get us out of the Mire. And where-o-where is Barrow Wight? I know I've been absent for long periods, but it seems uncharacteristic of BW -- he's not posted here since March, his entry in the singing contest. Is everything alright with him?

[The Saucepan Man]

How come this tale always seems to speed up while 'm away? Still, I’ve managed to sneak a short moment of internet access.

Great posts everyone. I love the Wizard’s e-duel and the subsequent fallout. What has become of Sauerkraut? Is his spirit on the way to Valleyum or has he been denied access to Mantoes’ hallowed halls? Will we see him again in the final denouement? No doubt such questions will be answered in due course.

Well, it seems Mögul’s power is under challenge and his allies are fast disappearing. Then again, he is the most powerful being in Muddled-Mirth - and at least he still has Soregum. Or does he? The little chap’s keeping a low profile for now, so only time will tell…

One minor point. Mögul’s kit was a Satel-antir, rather than a Cel-antir. Hence his surveillance capabilities. No matter now though, I suppose. And he is soon to depart for Valleyum courtesy of the Aircorps of Dumbar (known for their “Jumbo” jets – remember “ah been done seen most everythin’ when ah seen an Oliphaunt fly”? :D ).

Just a quick post for now because … well, because I couldn’t resist the pun.

When I get back from my travels, I’ll post something a bit longer to mark Mögul’s departure. Surely the Stop-start-ship can't reach Valleyum before then ... :eek: :rolleyes:

[Kuruharan]

I wouldn't put it past us to still be up to our necks in the Mire.

Either today or tomorrow I'll post Chrysophylax's latest romantic fiasco.

[EDIT] Romantic fiasco complete and Sasser One's battery ran out of juice. Chrysophylax would probably be interested to know if she had a sister or if there was some way of catching lightning in a bottle. ;)

[Thenamir]

<sniff>Poor Chrysophylax! Pass the Kleenex...

[Diamond18]

*passes Thena a Kleenex and wallows in a fetid swampland of bittersweet romantic despair*

[Thenamir]

We were doing so well...I mean, how many times have I posted 3 times in a week...what happened?

<peers down the strangely empty barrow>

Hello? <echos>

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Well, I'm back! I will now commence bugging the appropriate posters for their contributions (Squatter, that means you! ;) ); after that, the LastShip-Ship will be on its way to the final frontier. Anyone who recognizes that reference might have an inkling as to the parodic theme of the Havens/Ship passages! (pun intended, of course)

Thanks to those who posted while I was away - I need to take time to enjoy those posts (having only skimmed them for a quick chuckle so far) so that I can recognize your contributions appropriately!

[Thenamir]

The Uttermostest West...the vinyl frontier.

These are the voyages of the havenship For-a-price. It's point-ear mission:
to explore new punnery, to seek out new strife and new caricaturizations...

To be boldly droll where no man has drolled before!!

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Thena gets the prize - what shall it be? A new battery for Gatesy's Cell-antír?

Anyway, I've not yet heard from Squatter, so I'm hoping he'll catch up and post his conclusion soon so that we can continue. Mith's post has taken us about as far as we can go for now, I guess.

Lush, are you still with us? Do you want to pick up that loose thread mentioned by Diamond on the 17th?


Now, to recap the authorial masterpieces of the last page:

Mith, you picked up the plot developments wonderfully and convinced the rest of us of Grrralph's innocence in these matters - or did you?!

Thena, your prolific posting was highly enjoyable! Gatesy's confession shows him to be truly repentant and completely on Merisu and the Ent's side now - or does it??

Mith, only a really evil writer could conceive of such a horrible torture - forced watching of the "Hobbit" cartoon/soundtrack! I shudder to think of the anguish of that Uruk...

Saucy, what wonderful puns!! :D Golf-im-ball, Red Oliphaunt (drunk by Balrogs - finally they get wings!), and most especially the 'Scoring of the Shire'!

Kuru, what a touching and tragic love story for poor Chrysi! Sales of handkerchiefs have gone up - tell the Dwarf!

Mith once again, taking the past developments, putting them together and developing them anew - thanks for your faithful and fantastic posting!

I've had so much fun catching up - now I'm only waiting for Squatter's post before I get us moving.

[Kuruharan]

Were we still supposed to pick a Velour?

I quite honestly don't remember who has been taken and I don't remember what page on this rather lengthy thread that was on.

Would somebody be willing to sell a clueless dwarf a clue?

I have this fine piece of real estate in the Swiss Riviera that I'd be more than willing to give in exchange.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Yep, all who wished were able to pick a Velour for our grand finale in Valleyum. I will have to check to see who is still going to be active for the last part of the journey - there are several people who haven't posted in a looooong time. [Yes, that means you, BW (last post from you was five months ago!!), and you too, Lush (three months ago)! Squatter's last post was over two months ago, but I'm hoping he will put up his planned post very soon.]

WARNING: Anyone who doesn't post before the Sailing-Ship leaves the Havens stays behind!! Sorry about naming names here, but it's getting boring having to wait so long for posts, so I'd like to consolidate those on whom I can count to post regularly - at the very least once a month, but I was already going easy on participants by specifying once every two weeks when we started, and that's still what I'd like to have.

Real estate in the Swiss Riviera, eh, Kuru? Give me a bit of time, and I'll find that information. I need it as well, so as not to get the crystalline construction of our plot planning confused here...

[Kuruharan]

Yes, it is the most extraordinary thing. No matter how much of the Swiss Riviera I give away, I always have the same amount afterward.

Donald Trump would probably be interested in this.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

I found the planning for our Velour characters! Here's the list as chosen up to now (changes are still possible, but please check them with me):

Melvin/Môgul - Saucy
Yawanna - Esty
Howlie (alternative possibility Haudie) - Mith
[Varda] and Manuël - Diamond
Mantoes - Squatter
Tulk Hogan (?) - BW
Tickle-Me-Ulmo (?) - Thena
Hornme the Foxhunter - Kuru
? - Lush (?)

Again, these are subject to hearing from those involved; otherwise regular posters may take a double role if they wish, or we'll leave out the Velour who aren't essential to the storyline.

Now, Kuru - about that real estate... (Oh, and you can choose a Velour character!)


Edited: to include Kuru's choice

[Kuruharan]

Hornme the Foxhunter-

One of the Velour. He is a great hunter. He has ridden his horse Har-har the length and breadth of the world looking for sport. He is most frequently seen wearing a funny little black hat, a fiercely scarlet jacket, white pants, and shiny jackboots. The merry notes of his hunting horn strike terror in the hearts of all who hear them because where the horn is heard; Hornme’s dogs can’t be far behind. (Hornme never deigns to explain to his dogs what they are hunting, so the dogs tend to kill everything in sight just to make sure).

With Tulk Hogan, Hornme is the Velour who performs their deeds of prowess (or at least he would if it did not involve getting his hands dirty. He normally leaves such business to the dogs). He is usually cheerful because he has not yet met anyone who is not afraid of his dogs.

---------

In view of her meritorious service to The Cause, I hereby bestow upon Estelyn Telcontar the deed to the city of Geneva-Upon-The-Sea. Henceforth it shalt belongeth to said Estelyn and her heirs of the House Telcontar to be their own city-state and personal playground from now until the end of time. Any who have objections to said Telcontar taking the reins of government of said Geneva-Upon-The-Sea speak now or forever hold your peace.

By the power vested in me by the Khazad Real Estate Consortium, I now pronounce you despot and polis.

Signed,
Kuruharan, son of Khoreth the Longbeard

This 985th pre/post Durin’s Day some year or other

Amen.

[Mithadan]

I will be out of pocket from tomorrow through friday. While I might be able to check threads, I will not have time to post.