Hobbit Sex Ed

[Lhundulinwen]

Ms. Maril,

Thank you for such an enlightening topic! Those old dish rags of a hobbit, especially Lousewart Chastitybelt and her cronies, have their noses so far up, they haven't noticed how they got children in the first place. Their poor husbands have had to visit my fine establishments many times, sometimes more than seems proper, but a hobbit has needs.
As for the 'friends' at Marish, they are outstanding members of the community, and whatever goes on behind close doors is none of anyones business. As for, how do you say?, the foot 'fettish', well, where else can you get such lovely feet but on a hobbit?
Please continue printing, and maybe the Garden Club will come to their senses.

Thanks again,
Daisy 'Rabbit' Fields
Frogmorten, Shire

P.S. Lousewart was seen entering the Green Dragon with another hobbit fellow, and didn't leave for 4 hours. P.P.S. She is supposedly against alchohol...

Ms. Maril,

Let me first express my appreciation of your obviously studious nature. It is because of learned researchers such as yourself that the rumors flying about are righted and the truth can be revealed.

Speaking of such truths, I would like to be a part of your continuing research, if it is at all possible. You see, my "friend" Myrtle Green and I are currently residing together in Marish, and we are willing to let you interview us, should you be interested in hearing our side of the story. I'd like to show those persnikity old brown-nosers of the Garden Club what really goes on in the Shire.

Hildigard Goodbody
Marish, the Shire

[Audreidi]

Dear Ms. Marileangorifurnimaluim,

I must say I have found your article wonderfully fascinating. As stated, little is discussed of the "birds and bees" among hobbits, and it is astonishing to note the amount and sorts of responses Brandywine Press received, along with a generally positive reaction in regards to the second printing. The Garden Club, of course, think they know much of political matters while many other hobbits will disagree. Respectability is a somewhat vague definition, and while I do not tend to support the idea of brothels, some relaxation is necessary once in a while, as well as the occasional reminder to do so.

Thank you again,

Clyryan Moresby, Editor-in-training for the Brandywine Press

[Mister Underhill]

How on Middle-earth did this escape my notice the first time around? Maril, you are sorely missed.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Dear Ms. Eangorifurnimaluim,

I write to you on behalf of our local Ladies’ Flower Club, hastening to assure you that there is no connection whatsoever to the Garden Club which has so vigorously opposed your research. I first read your article after finding it hidden under my son’s mattress when I cleaned his room. He was not surprised that I confiscated it, but seems puzzled that I have not punished him for having it.

You dare to speak in plain words of matters which, though a part of our daily life, are usually treated with secrecy and shame. By doing so, you have inspired me and a few friends to dare something we would not otherwise have ventured. You see, our Flower Club is named so for more than one reason; yes, we raise flowers in our gardens and are proud of them, but we also all bear traditional flower names.

In the past, we have drawn pictures of our most beautiful flowers, according to the time of year in which they bloom, adding the names of the months and days. These were given away as birthday presents and much admired by all. However, nearly everyone has one by now, and we must think of something new. I suggested in jest that the only flowers we have not yet portrayed are our own members, and this was greeted with more enthusiasm than I had expected.

The really revolutionary idea came to my friend Lilac after reading your treatise – she said that we should have our portraits done with something unusual enough to generate widespread interest – wearing shoes!! You can imagine how shocked many of the ladies were! They were afraid we would be thought disrespectable if we did such a thing. I was able to convince several of them already – we have volunteers from Afteryule to Thrimidge, but the rest are not yet willing to participate.

For this reason I would like to invite you to hold a lecture at one of our weekly meetings, hoping that they too will be inspired to join us in this venture. Please let me know when it would be convenient for you; you will be most welcome!

With cordial greetings,
Heather Twinkletoes

P.S. – We have heard rumours of an Elven shoemaker, Manwëolo Blahnikion, who creates such wonderful shoes that even hobbits find them irresistible. (The slogans “One Shoe to Rule Them All” and “The Shoe Goes Ever On and On” have become known to us.) Have you any further information about his creations and the place they may be purchased? We would be grateful for your help!

[Bêthberry]

It would appear that, after long and intensive study of the variant texts of the Redbook, recent scholarship has shown that Dr. Marileangorifurnimaluim based her work on a previously little known scroll now referred to as the S-Text, for its place of discovery, the Sackville Mathom House, although with the possibility of scribal error, the initial letter of the second word could in fact be 'B', as the text demonstrates considerable erasure at the end of this second word, leading to speculation that Mathom Houses were initially the Brothel Houses which Dr. Marileangorifurnimaluim hypothesized, creating further controversy over the possibility that hobbits swapped more than goods they no longer found a use for.

The study of Hobbit Letters is a most recondite subject.

Yours respectfully,
Prudence Pennyworth

[Eönwë]

Hmmm.... Interesting.