Things they'd NEVER say

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Dead collector: Bring out your dead!
Imrahil: Here's one.
Collector: Ninepence
Eowyn: I'm not dead!
Collector: What?
Imrahil: Nothing. Here's your ninepence
Eowyn: I'm not dead!
Collector: Here. She says she's not dead.
Imrahil: Yes she is.
Eowyn: No I'm not!
Collector: She isn't?
Imrahil: Well she will be soon. She's very ill.
Eowyn: I'm getting better!
Imrahil: No you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment.
Collector: Look, I can't take her like that. It's against regulations.
Eowyn: I don't want to go on the cart!
Imrahil: Oh don't be such a baby.
Collector: I can't take her.
Eowyn: I feel fine!
Imrahil: Oh, do us a favor?
Collector: I can't.
Imrahil: Well can you make it around in a couple of minutes? She won't be long.
Collector: No... I've got to go to the Gondorians. They've lost hundreds today.
Imrahil: Well when's your next round?
Collector: By the Black Gates.
Eowyn: I think I'll go for a walk.
Imrahil: You're not foolin' anyone, you know. Look. Isn't there something you can do?
Eowyn: I feel happy! I feel Happy!
(Sound of Eowyn being hit in the head with a large club)
Imrahil: Oh, thanks very much.
Collector: Not at all. See you by the Gates.
Imrahil: Right.