Things they'd NEVER say

[Naz]

Merry: You know, Pip, alchoholism is a big problem, as is smoking. I say we don't have any of this stuff we've found here at Orthanc, what do you think?
Pip: I agree with you, Merry. We need to set an example.
Aragorn: What has Treebeard been *feeding* you two?!