Be careful what you wish for...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that Fatty had gone on the quest with the rest of the conspirators

Woosh! Your wish is my command! Granted. Fatty goes along. Sam no longer feels so insecure about his weight, and so feels he can eat more food, they all starve to death at weather top.

I wish The Anduin was a river of chocolate.

[Eorl of Rohan]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

I wish The Anduin was a river of chocolate.

Your wish is granted! Eru sees it fit to turn Anduin into a river of chocolate, as well as every other river, and they all eventually harden into a cake of massive chocolate - which, despite Elrond's effort, wouldn't rise into a tide to sweep away the Nazgul - so Nazgul captures Frodo and seize the ring, who immediately uses it to turn all the water in middle earth into chocolate, which didn't work out as well for him, because everyone died from dehydration and he had no one else to rule and torture, so he swallows the ring and dies. The end.

I wish Numenoreans weren't so damn proud.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Numenoreans weren't so damn proud.

Look at that! The wish is granted. But they are not proud; in fact they are all paranoid and hide away from the sun. They do not come to the aid of the elves to overthrow Sauron. Sauron wins the war and the world is plunged into a second darkness.

I wish that The Silmarilion included something about the End of Days,

[Boromir88]

I wish that The Silmarilion included something about the End of Days,

I grant your wish...You read in The Silmarillion, that the end of Days on Middle-earth were caused by a Chinchilla spawning outbreak.

I wish Denethor would shave his back hair.

[CaptainofDespair]

Originally Posted by Boromir88

I wish Denethor would shave his back hair.

Your wish is granted! But, Denethor sees fit to use that back hair for hair plugs. So now, everyone just stares and laughs at poor old Denethor. In an attempt to fix it, he accidentally ignites his himself trying burn the plugs out.

I wish the Ring had a cape.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish the Ring had a cape.

Your wish is granted. The Ring starts his own mini series where he flies around saving the day. Super Ring out shines The Lord of the Rings and Tolkien fans the world over convert to Super Ring fans. Tolkien rises from the Dead and destroys all copies of the Lord of the Rings because he loves Super Ring so much.

I wish the Palantir were more widely available.

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

I wish the Palantir were more widely available.

Your wish is granted. Sauron sees Bilbo using the Ring in Mirkwood, and the whole of Middle-earth fell to evil hands by the 8th chapter of The Hobbit.

I wish Morgoth was a firefly.