Middle-Earth Football Tournament

[The Saucepan Man]

Sleepy Ranger, I am keeping an eye on contenders for the Yellow Boots trophy. The tally so far is, I believe, as follows:

Beleg (Doriath): 3
Pippin (The Shire): 3?
Turgon (Gondolin): 2
Azog (Moria): 1
Dark Lord (Mordor): 1
Ecthelion (Gondolin): 1
Elrohir (Rivendell): 1
Faramir (Gondor): 1
Fatty Bolger (Crickhollow): 1
Glorfindel (Gondolin) : 1
Legolas (Mirkwood): 1
Sauron (Tol-In-Gauroth): 1
The Saucepan Man (Barrow Downs): 1
Thingol (Doriath): 1
Turin (Nargothrond): 1
Tuor (Gondolin): 1
Ugluk (Isengard): 1
Unknown (Arnor): 1
Unknown (Arnor): 1
Unknown (Arnor): 1
Unknown (Ephel Barandir): 1
Unknown (Isengard): 1

Are you able to shed any light on the unknowns? Also, did Pippin score a hat trick for The Shire, or were there others on the score sheet for that team in their opening game?

[Sleepy Ranger]

Beleg (Doriath): 3
Pippin (The Shire): 2
Turgon (Gondolin): 2
Ugluk (Isengard): 2
Azog (Moria): 1
Merry (The Shire): 1
Dark Lord (Mordor): 1
Ecthelion (Gondolin): 1
Elrohir (Rivendell): 1
Faramir (Gondor): 1
Fatty Bolger (Crickhollow): 1
Glorfindel (Gondolin) : 1
Legolas (Mirkwood): 1
Sauron (Tol-In-Gauroth): 1
The Saucepan Man (Barrow Downs): 1
Thingol (Doriath): 1
Turin (Nargothrond): 1
Tuor (Gondolin): 1
Arvedui (Arnor): 1
Arathorn (Arnor): 1
Earnil (Arnor): 1
Brandir (Ephel Barandir): 1

Unknowns cleared. From now on I'll send you the list of people who score.
Thanks for your contributions Saucey!

When will casting begin for the presenters of Match of the Day Will Come Again?

All yours if you'd like the job, good sir!

[Rimbaud]

Great. I'll play the suave, crisp-munching elvish presenter Gary Lin-e-dir, then.

"Welcome to another wind-swept night in Fangorn. This promises to be a cracker." *slight raise of the eyebrows* "Fangorn's wooden defence..." *cheeky smile* "..promises to keep Doriath at bay. Let's hope Melian doesn't girdle on the night eh? I've always had a bit of a Thingol for her." *lascivious wink*

Alan Harnson Gamgee: "Oh do be quiet. Now over to Jolly 'Cotton' Motson at the game."

Etc. Cue (gentle) British laughter and blank puzzlement from Stateside...

[Sleepy Ranger]

If anyone wondered how Pippin reacted to scoring his second goal, wonder no more.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Well, Day two tables look a little like this.

[Bergil]

There are some real "characters" in the teams, and the audiance. For example, at several games I have run into an ent yelling advice to both teams. when I asked him who he was, he said "Don Cherry".

[Valesse]

Arwen reporting...

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

I am looking foreward to the Barrow-Downs next game as I belive we have a real giftet team. . .

especially the attacing part of the team looks interesetin.

Sleepy with his pace and great indivdual skill.

Sauce a more expirienced striker with a great eye of making the right runs to split the defence and therby creating lots of space for him and Sleepy.

Phantom a very creative player who can score goals on his own, but his main force is hes great passing and eye of the game. (a player like Aimar)

Together I belive they will preform fantastic !

[Sleepy Ranger]

Well my fellow dandies and dowdies and other such gentlemen and ladies, today's match was one to be seen! Oh course, we would all want to know about the riots on the field yesterday, but I'm afraid myself and the editor were seeing a wonderful performance of The Importantce of Being Ernest. On to the selected matches!

Moria vs. Rohan (1,0)

From watching this performance on the field, it seemed that Moria's players had a case of Dorian syndrome. Sad to say, they couldn't figure on who was to pass to whom. Rohan could only stand there with a case of Basil-like qualities, these poor fellows tried to play, but amongst the selfishness abound, it was rather a lost cause. In the end, Moria got itself together to make one goal between Bill the Balrog, Balin and Azog. Both were wearing Mithril and a flame proof underlining for Bill, to avoid scorches in the material. Azog was wearing a sort of funny number, something between vintage leather and Mithril, but in any cases he was there to make it a goal at 67 minutes with a bit of a bicycle kick with some lovely shoes. Let us just hope they have their Dorian syndrome undercontrol for any other future matches.

Rivendale vs. Vinyamar (1,0)

In this match there was no doubting Vinyamar's performance upon the field! That was until Glorfindel stepped up with his blue suede shoes and green uniform. He shot with the elegance of Baudelaire, but Turgon came in for a corner clearing. he by the way was wearing a rather Ulmo-inspired number, of silver silk and a deep blue velvet crest in the front. Elrond's performance could only be saved by that of those wonderfully handsome twins, Elladen and Elrohir. A surprise attack from the goalie was saved by Elrohir's clumbsy score. The match was as other would say 'undeserved' to Rivendale, but we all know that blue suede always wins...


Interviews


This is the portion of the sports review that I know you all love, the interviews! Today we've chosen three beings with some amazing talent, instead of just one or two. Our first interview is with the lovely Quickbeam. He was kind and hasty enough to grant us an interview about his performance on the field.


Titania: Well, well! For a rowan tree you certainly had speed upon the green!

Quickbeam: I know. I don't see why not anyways, we trees need to start stepping up to the challenge instead of all of this photosynthesizing business.

Titania: Of course! Though, it seems your team captain had a bit of a scuffle with your shot between the keeper...

Quickbeam: Treebeard is always doing that! But, like I said to him: " We didn't have any time left anyways! It was then or never!" Besides, that keeper had a clubbed foot and I could have made a goal into the box if it hadn't been for his little intervention...

Titania: Certianly you could say it was a clash of defense, but mind if I ask you some questions? They might help you blow off all of this steam.

Quickbeam: Certainly, anything to get Treebread's voice out of my head...

Titania: Thank you! Alright then, I understand that rowan trees are part of the rose family, Rosaceae. Are there any tips you might suggest to a green thub about growing roses or rowan trees?

Quickbeam: Well you should! That's why we have such wonderful flowers as trees, not like those sappy pines, who can just make a soap opera about it... Anyways, our flowers blossom after the leaves have appeared (of course!) usually in May or early June, and grow in dense clusters that contain up to 250 of them! Plus, they smell great which helps to attract bees and many other species of insects. At the end of summer, we can but out our characteristically wonderful red berries... Holly is just a late-blooming copycat. Also, we prefer peat-like soils that are not too dry and enjoy some sun, but not too much.

Titania: Thanks for the wonderful information! I'm sure our gardeners everywhere will enjoy your helpful tips. Good luck on the field and keep a clear head, it was a priviledge to speak to you.

Quickbeam: No problem, just be sure to keep the soil well-

Titania: Okay! Thanks for your time, it was a pleasure to speak with you...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, our next interviewers are a pair of twins that I know many of you are just dying of pre-raphaelite madness to hear from! Well, I was lucky enough to snag an interview with them before their father demanded some attention as well...

Titania: You two really saved the team out there!

Elladen&Elrohir (switching off at every few words): Yes, you could say that. We know our father meant well, but it seemed that he needed some help.

Titania: Oh, how thoughtful. You both are an impressive team, but may I ask something?

E&E (still ever few words): Of course...

Titania: Was it your intention to pull a trip-trick and knock the ball in?

Elladen: You might think it was a trick, but really, my brother is just that clumbsy. From as long as I can remember, he's always tripped over his own feet and managed to score at the same time... For anything.

Elrohir: Hey! She was asking me! Sorry, my brother is a bit of an attention-pig with these things. It's sort of a habit with him. I really didn't know I was going to score. I was there, out in the field watching a bird or two and seeing father almost put his back out with the ball, then suddenly the ball comes towards me and then i'm doing this tripping dance with the ball... Then, a goal!

Elladen: Wait! Not once did you mention my wonderful pass to you! If it wasn't for that you still would be standing there, waiting to fall on your face!

Elrohir: You are just jealous of my amazing tripping-goal scoring skills!

Titania: Both of you SHUT IT! Sorry, but I don't think the magazine has enough type-spacing for your arguement. Even though, it was rather wonderful.

E&E: Really?

Titania: Yes, but now onto other things. What do you think of the team as a whole and future games?

E&E: Well, we might have to get our keeper up to par and mix a few things here and there, but it's turned out better than we expected.

Titania: Wonderful! Well, I wish you two, the tripping-goal trick and the Riveldale Team the best out there.

E&E: Thanks for the support!

(Elladen walks out of the interview without a problem, Elrohir trips over a mircrophone wire then jumps up and goes on his way...)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, that is all for today dear lads and lasses, until later on when we will be reporting about the tomorrow's sure to be heated matches!

All credit to THE Ka for writing this. Excellent stuff.

[Morsul the Dark]

Go Moria!!!

[the phantom]

My take on the results thus far...

Group A
Moria is playing well, but Mordor is still the strong favorite. Their starting line of Sauron+Nazgul+The Mouth cannot be matched by anyone in their group- or possibly even the entire tournament. Their talent is enough to beat most people, but then when you add the way they move together as a team they are pretty much unstoppable.

Also, I don't see any of them getting suspended. The Nazgul have no personality and so none of them will lose his temper and do something dumb. And Sauron, though he is known to be quite "evil", is extremely goal oriented. His old master, Melkor, was the crazy nihilistic one. Sauron, on the other hand, will not get himself disqualified. He is too dedicated to winning to mess up like that.

Group B
Despite Gandalf's move to the Shire team, Rivendell is still my pick. Gandalf will make the headlines for a few days, but he isn't enough to get the job done.

Every single member of the hobbit team (besides Gandalf) is smaller, slower, and weaker than Rivendell's players. I truly cannot understand how Rivendell lost.

Now, don't go spreading this around because I'm not certain yet, but I think Rivendell may have been poisoned before the tournament. I mean- one of the sons of Elrond "tripping"?! The team did a good job of playing it off, but I could tell that Elrond was suspicious.

Elrond and his sons are descended from the King of the Noldor, the King of the Teleri and Sindar, the King of Men, and an angelic being (Melian). All three of them are ridiculously gifted genetically and far above things like tripping. There is definitely something fishy going on. You can bet that Elrond is looking into it and will cure it soon, and when he does- look out! Rivendell will be back with a vengeance!

Look for Elrond to move back from offense and take the goalie position. I'm not sure why he hasn't been there all along. I predict he will bar the entrance to the goal as effectively as he bars the Bruinen ford. During the remaining games in Group B, Elrond will not allow a single goal. You can bet on it.

Group C
Yesterday I said that The Barrow-Downs would win this group, and they haven't given me a reason to say otherwise.

Group D
Though the race is tight right now, I still think Nargothrond will come through. None of the other teams have an answer for Turin, not to mention that Finrod, Orodreth, Gelmir, and Gwindor are also excellent players.

Group E
Umm, is anyone in this group going to score a goal?

Well, I still think Numenor is the strongest team in this group, but really it doesn't matter who comes out of this group because they aren't going to advance any further.

Group F
Doriath and Gauroth have both played well, as I expected. It will come down to those two teams. I personally believe Sauron and his wolves to have the edge, but only time will tell.

Group G
I don't care about this group much at all. Whoever wins it will not get any further anyway. Fangorn is playing decent so far.

Group H
This group has been weird. First, Gondor upsets Angband in a close match, then Gondolin looks strong and blows away Grey Havens, but then Gondor kills Gondolin! Angband will certainly win their next match against Grey Havens.

Angband is still the team to beat. Even without Melkor, Ancalagon's aerial scoring abilities, Glaurung's goal-keeping, and exceptional all-around play by the Balrogs should be enough to win. And when Melkor is back, they should be head and shoulders above the rest.

[Sleepy Ranger]

Also, I don't see any of them getting suspended. The Nazgul have no personality and so none of them will lose his temper and do something dumb. And Sauron, though he is known to be quite "evil", is extremely goal oriented. His old master, Melkor, was the crazy nihilistic one. Sauron, on the other hand, will not get himself disqualified. He is too dedicated to winning to mess up like that.

Come now, he already has a yellow card. One more in the next match and he'll be out. Mordor will have to sacrifice a bit of their aggresivness.

Yesterday I said that The Barrow-Downs would win this group, and they haven't given me a reason to say otherwise.

Not even almost losing?

Though the race is tight right now, I still think Nargothrond will come through. None of the other teams have an answer for Turin, not to mention that Finrod, Orodreth, Gelmir, and Gwindor are also excellent players.

It will be a hard fight for the top spot but I see them qualifying. You seem to have forgotten, top two teams qualify. So we'll have the chart split after that. Just like in the real world cup...

QF--
------SF
QF--
-------------Playoff for Finals-----F------same as left
QF--
------SF
QF--

Umm, is anyone in this group going to score a goal?

That would be bad, we'd have nobody to qualify then.

Doriath and Gauroth have both played well, as I expected. It will come down to those two teams. I personally believe Sauron and his wolves to have the edge, but only time will tell.

I believe they both have excellent offenses but it will be decided by the team that manages to defend better on the day.

This group has been weird. First, Gondor upsets Angband in a close match, then Gondolin looks strong and blows away Grey Havens, but then Gondor kills Gondolin! Angband will certainly win their next match against Grey Havens.

I believe it will end with Angband vs. Gondolin for the final qualifying spot unless Grey Havens manages to win, which I doubt will happen.

[The Saucepan Man]

Beleg (Doriath): 6
Pippin (The Shire): 4
Aragorn (Gondor): 3
Azog (Moria): 3
Legolas (Mirkwood): 3
Turgon (Gondolin): 3
Faramir (Gondor): 2
Turin (Nargothrond): 2
Ugluk (Isengard): 2
Arathorn (Arnor): 1
Arvedui (Arnor): 1
Balin: 1
Boromir (Gondor): 1
Brandir (Ephel Barandir): 1
Dark Lord (Mordor): 1
Earnil (Arnor): 1
Ecthelion (Gondolin): 1
Elrohir (Rivendell): 1
Fatty Bolger (Crickhollow): 1
Finrod (Nargothrond): 1
Glorfindel (Gondolin) : 1
Haldir (Lothlorien): 1
Imrahil (Gondor): 1
Manwe (Valmar): 1
Merry (The Shire): 1
Quickbeam (Fangorn): 1
Sauron (Tol-In-Gauroth): 1
Sleepy Ranger (Barrow Downs): 1
The phantom (Barrow Downs): 1
The Saucepan Man (Barrow Downs): 1
Thingol (Doriath): 1
Tom Bombadil Old Forest): 1
Treebeard (Fangorn): 1
Tuor (Gondolin): 1

Beleg "Strongboot" Cuthalion is looking the hot favourite so far, and it may stay that way if Doriath qualify from their Group, which looks likely. But he has hot competition from the impressive Peregrine "Pint-size" Took and the surprisingly adept Azog Dwarfheader, not to mention Legolas "Legoals" Greenleaf, Turgon of Gondolin and Aragorn Wingfoot.

Faramir and Turin cannot be discounted but Ugluk, despite his impressive form, is unlikely since Isengard look like they will have difficulty progressing to the next stage.

[the phantom]

You seem to have forgotten, top two teams qualify.

I didn't forget- I never knew it to begin with.

I suppose that shows how careless I am when I speed-read threads.

he already has a yellow card. One more in the next match and he'll be out.

Sauron won't get himself disqualified. He's evil, not stupid. He wants to win much more than he wants to illegally tackle someone.

Originally Posted by me

Yesterday I said that The Barrow-Downs would win this group, and they haven't given me a reason to say otherwise.

Originally Posted by Sleepy Ranger

Not even almost losing?

The team they played, Valmar, is one of the top ten teams in the field. Also, Valmar threw everything they had at The Downs. I mean- Manwe scoring a goal? Since when has he been an offensive chap? Valmar tried every trick they could to cross up The BD team but The Downs withstood the assault and showed their skills at the end to win the game. Also, remember what the phantom said in his interview. It doesn't sound like The Downers were planning on playing their hardest in that match- and I don't think they did. They haven't hit their top gear yet. When they do, it just might carry The Downs into the tournament finals.

Now, since I have received multiple requests for it, I will publish power rankings of the top teams.

For all of you College Football (American) fans (Boro, TORE, Oro ), you are used to turning to the AP and BCS polls for rankings. Well, did you know they also rated Middle-Earth soccer?

Here are the rankings-

AP/BCS Poll (Ask Phantom/Bull Crap Slanted Poll)
1. Mordor
2. Angband
3. The Barrow-Downs
4. Tol-In-Gauroth
5. Valmar
6. Valimar
7. Rivendell
8. Gondolin
9. Doriath
10. Nargothrond
11. Moria

Explanations-

Mordor- Sauron and his minions have by far and away the best teamwork. They cover for each other extremely well and help each other on defense. On offense they always know where their teammates are and where they are headed. Their passing is astounding. They also have excellent speed across the board, making use of their winged steeds. In addition, they posses a quality goalkeeper.

Angband- Angband is well-above average all the way across the board. Their offense, led by Melkor and Ancalagon, is strong, but their defense is particularly good- the best of any team in the field. Gothmog and his six bruising Balrog buddies are nearly impenetrable, and if you make it past them you must contend with a fine goalkeeper, Glaurung. It is this defense that caused me to rank them ahead of The Downs.

The Barrow-Downs- The Downs has the most talented goal scorers in the tournament, and one of the best goalkeepers. They are solid in the other departments, such as defense and speed.

Tol-In-Gauroth- Sauron is always dangerous, and his wolves should not be underestimated. They run at a fast trot most of the time, but when the opportunity arises they suddenly disappear in a blur of speed. They are the only team with the across the board speed to match Mordor. A player with the ball shuffling along through a wide open space can find himself surrounded by three or four wolf defenders before he knows what's going on. They are a scary team.

Valmar & Valimar- These teams are nearly identical. They have fine offensive weapons like Tulkas, Orome, and Eonwe, but their timid midfielders barely ever get the ball ahead to their scorers. Their goalkeeping is good and their defense is decent, but the teams really depend on their front men to do everything. Last season, every goal they scored except one resulted from one of their offensive weapons stealing the ball and then taking it all the way himself. Maybe they will be able to for a while, but after three games Orome, Tulkas, and Eonwe will be awfully tired.

Rivendell- Rivendell is simply a solid team with no obvious weaknesses. They aren't as fast as Mordor, but they are fast. They don't play defense as well as Angband, but they play well. They can't score like The Downs, but they can score. And, to top it off, they have perhaps the best goalie in the tournament- Elrond.

Gondolin- Gondolin is very similar to Rivendell. They are one of the best scoring teams, but their goalkeeping is not as good as the teams above them.

Doriath- Doriath is another team in the same mold- solid with no glaring weaknesses. Their offense is particularly good, though in other categories they are just a shade behind Gondolin and Rivendell.

Nargothrond- This is the last of the "elvish quartet", as I call them. They are just a notch below Doriath in most categories.

Moria- This was just supposed to be a top ten list, but I included Moria at number eleven. Why? Because I believe that if their team unity gets better they will easily be able to compete with the four teams above them. Azog and Bill the Balrog are a fine scoring duo, and with improved team chemistry Moria could really make use of the wide variety of talents that different members of the team posses.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I think this is what the Ladder should look like:

[Valesse]

Movie-Arwen is back! This time with Feanor of the Peredhil.

[Sleepy Ranger]

FINALLY! I have figured out the best video configuration!
Anyway, expect regular updates now unless school gets in the way.

Expect Numenor vs. Angband soon.

Here, I'll relase their teams early-

Numenor - Czech Republic
Angband - Argentina

And thanks for pointing that out Saucey, my bad.

[Sleepy Ranger]

This match was awesome. It went into penalties and I don't plan to spoil the results. If you're unable to download the file, PM me for the results.

Numenor vs. Angband

[Valesse]

Movie-Arwen spends the day chatting it up with arcticstorm.