The Barrow Downs Newspaper

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The return of everyone's favourite comedy double act!

[Mithalwen]

Davem looks like he has a role in "The Full Monty"

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

didn't he ?

[THE Ka]

Originally Posted by Mithalwen

Davem looks like he has a role in "The Full Monty"

Ah, classic I say, a classic.


~ Ka

[Mithalwen]

Well it is the right part of the world..... oh dear that gossip thang... I just can't help myself...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

A Change of direction...

Owing to a vast number of complaints aimed at our magazine publication, "The Downer Controversial", the editors have decided to disband that old one in favour of a new one that may be more acceptable to a wider audience.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The Heads this week...



This is the News!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The continuing adventures of Norway's ninth favourite comedy duo...

[Glirdan]

Interview with host Vala Seacrest - A Downer's Exclusive
By Glirdan Tirithedain

I wasable to catch up with the host from the hit series Middle-Earth Idol and was quite pleased to answer my questions.

Glirdan - Hello Vala! How are you today?

Vala - Fine, fine. Now, what do you want?

G - I just have a few questions for you about Middle-Earth Idol. It will only take a few minutes of your time.

V - Alright fine.

G - Okay, first question. What are your thoughts on the remaining contestants?

V - I like them all. Obviously every single one of them is creative and witty, but have great personalities. I can't really say which one I think will do the best... but I really don't know who will win out of the, well, now five remaining.

G - What are your thoughts on how the competition is going?

V - Oh, I think it's doing pretty well. It isn't rapid, which is why lots of people dropped out. It takes a lot of time, but we're talking about being the next big thing!

G - This is true. My next question is what is it like working with the judges?

V - It's... it's hard, actually. Sleepy Cowell keeps making fun of my noble DJing career, and I don't think Wilwa has noticed that I co-ordinate my outfit to hers each time we're on air. I guess my major thing about Glirdy is that he always has to say everything three times. It's so... so... so...- You know?

G - That's why I'm glad to be a newpaper reporter! *Laughs heartily which dies quickly as Vala looks at him with annoyance* Do you have a favorite of the competition?

V - I -did-. Probably because it was so easy to make puns about him, but also because of his zaniness. I was the original pan-fan.

G - I too was quite sad to see the man with pans leave. He was such an entertainer. My next question is would you do this again if the series continued next year?

V - I'm not sure... the DJ career has really picked up for me, and I've got gigs booked from Buckland to Aldberg, and we're talking to someone from Minas Tirith records about a possible compolation album I might be working on. It's hard to say.

G - I see. Now, my final question. Is it true that you have a lazy eye?

V - My-my eye? No! Of course it isn't lazy... it... it's just not motivated! Who have you been talking to?!

At that point, I had to run as fast as I could because Vala started chasing me with a broom and was going to beat me over the head with it.

Watch out next week as I try and grab an interview with the sweetest (and possibly most drunk) judge of the competition.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

These are the headlines... I wish they wern't.



Have fun!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

That's right, folks! On September the 10th, the Great Barrow will play host to the first annual Wight of the Year award ceremony sponsored by The Downer newspaper.
It works like this:
There are four categories, and five nominees in each category. It's up to you to vote for your favourite Wight.

1st Category: Award for great writing in an RPG
2nd Category: Award for outstanding achievement in Quiz games
3rd Category: Award for great comedy writing
4th category: Award for outstanding writing in a discussion

Culminating in the final award:

Wight of the Year.

For the 4 categories, people can nominate any Wight, (Someone nominates, another will second) as soon as we have five for each category we will precede to voting. So, you'd better be quick.
Post should be like this:

*Any 'Downer' Business*

Oh, and I nominate ____ for the Award for ____

The Award for Wight of the Year will go to anyone (excluding myself as I am hosting the show) in the top 10 Wights as listed by reputation. So when voting remeber to vote for anyone of them.

Don't let your favourite Wight lose out! Get those nominations in!
When the nominations are in, send your votes to me.

PM votes will look like this (hopefully).

I vote for
___ in the 1st category
___ in the 2nd
___ in the 3rd
___ in the 4th
and
___ for Wight of the Year.

Oh, and you can’t nominate or vote for yourself.

[Glirdan]

For the 1st Category, I nominate Kath for the best writing in an RPG.

For the 2nd Category, I nominate Rune Son of Bjarne for outstanding achievement in Quiz games.

For the 3rd Category, I nominate Hookbill the Goomba for great comedy writing.

Now, I must ask, why are you limiting the Wight of the Year Award to just the top 10 under the Reputation? As I see it, there could be a few others who deserve who aren't in that category. But it really depends on what you're looking for for the Wight of the Year now doesn't it? So, what is it that you're looking for? For like the other categories, there must be something specific you're looking for in the winner.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Glirdan

Now, I must ask, why are you limiting the Wight of the Year Award to just the top 10 under the Reputation?

Good point. My original plan was that, but my brother told me it would be chaos. But I say lets go ahead.

Nominate anyone for the WotY.

[Brinniel]

I nominate Durelin for great writing in an RPG. Really, from what I've seen in The Fellowship of the Fourth Age: A New Beginning, she's outstanding. I'm glad to be RPGing with her.

[Valesse]

Something for the funnys:

(** While posting this I noticed something that looks rather insulting, but I assure you it is unintentional. Sorry #4. You know who you are.)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And, for another week, the outer hebridies nine thousandth favorite comedy duo:



Editor's note:

The Downer wishes to remind it's readers that we in no way condone violence towards Dogs, cats and any small fury animas, except chat squirrels. It is an essential part of the plot that will become apparent next week. So, look forward to something interesting.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The Downer would like to apologise for the lack of inside stories last week. Due to a printing error, the last issue was full of water.

Letters to the Editor
II

Dear sir,

I think your newspaper is vile! I wouldn't buy it if you paid me! Your stories are nonsensical and downright false! Your comics are setting a bad example for children and your outrageous price tag makes me sick!

Yours etcetera, etcetera,

Mr. R.B. Arebe.

Dear Mr. Arebe.

You stink.

Dear Sir,

My son loves The Phantom and Alien, but he would like to know why The Phantom doesn’t just kill Alien!

Yours in haste,

Tony Hash with an Iron Moutache.

Dear Mr Hash,

All will become clear eventually. I hope.

Dear Mr. Editor,

Your report last month about the Barrow Wight being sued was utter nonsense. I, I mean he, did not get sued by anyone. So just stop it!

Yours etcetera,

B. Wightington

Dear sir,

No.

[Volo]

After a long day traveling way north with his dear enemy, a barrow-downer had been violently murdered! He was walking to the music-station to put on something nice when suddenly an innocent looking backstabber attacked him. In the evening on the 24th of September the member Volo was cut down and killed by a penguin. It wasn't the first time that Volo was fighting for his life against animals, but this was certaintly the most tragic attack ever. As he himself comments: "It was really uncomfortable to have a katana thrust through you, I was really angry with the whole mess!". The police suspects that this was done for the sake of revenge and the penguin was brainwashed by a real mastermind. The penguin was taken to a questioning. In the middle of the hearing the lights suddenly went out. When a new bulb was attached the police noticed that the penguin was gone. Later the same evening the same penguin was found murdered, by drowning. Clearly somebody got rid of a witness. All clues are to be left in the Which Downer Am I! -thread!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Well, here is the News... Happy now?



It's interesting that I made this Phantom and Alien just before my computer died...

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

Seems like a little prophecy from the Alien, doesn't it?

However I am happy that you managed to get the Downer out despite all the problems! I would certainly miss it!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Legate of Amon Lanc

Seems like a little prophecy from the Alien, doesn't it?

Yes, it seems I may yet have 'sage-like' abilities after all!

So, Lal, Davem, you'd better keep an eye out for Alien coming near your house with a box of matches.
But, just in case this is true...



Lets hope that one comes true!

[The Might]

Nice...interesting powers I guess, not exactly what I had expected
Btw, I wonder if the serious cat will ever make a guest star appearence...but on the other hand I fear that Alien would eat the jolly good cat

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Okay, it's Thursday... Apparently. So here's your second dose of Phalian goodness. Warning: may damage your health.



Episode 008
Episode 007
Episode 006
Episode 005
Episode 004
Episode 003
Episode 002
Episode 001

Have we heard of a fish man before?

[Groin Redbeard]

Hmmm... I wonder which movie Alien saw?

[Morai]

And I've tried faking an accent before, it doesn't work out very well... Maybe I could take Oddwen's nice lessons!

I can only fake accents on accident. Like once, I was ranting about math...and stumbled upon a Scottish accent, only to switch to my flat Western American accent once I realized what was happening. Does it count if it only lasts a paragraph of monolouge or so?

As for Alien, he should make sure the popcorn has extra butter, melted from a cube in the microwave (extremely messy but delicious.)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Dear urbanhobbitssociety,

My only response to your letter comes in the form of a paraphrase of Monty Python. Like so;
Scam, Scam, Scam, Scam, Scam, Scam, eggs, Scam, Scam, Scam, bacon, Scam, Scam, Scam and Scam.

Yours,

The Ghost of The Editor.

And now, for you real Downers out there, here's your Firday dosage of Phalian.



The Archive is here! In case you've missed an episode or two...

[wilwarin538]

Wow, after reading the P&A before this last one I noticed for the first time that Phantom has green hands! That gives some validity to the theory that they have the same father.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by wilwarin538

Wow, after reading the P&A before this last one I noticed for the first time that Phantom has green hands! That gives some validity to the theory that they have the same father.

No it doesn't.

You'll see Alien's Father in Volume 3. And we've already seen Phantom's grandfather back in Volume 1. I don't know if I'll bring him back. He will be named in the next volume, though. Just so you know. There'll be a portrait of him in the background of a random episode.

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

You'll see Alien's Father in Volume 3. And we've already seen Phantom's grandfather back in Volume 1. I don't know if I'll bring him back. He will be named in the next volume, though. Just so you know. There'll be a portrait of him in the background of a random episode.

Oh come on, don't underestimate us devout fans. We will certainly spot it even without you bringing our attention to it! (Though it's cool! )

And the plot of this one really seems to culminate

[Eönwë]

Oooh, great episode Hookbill!

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

You'll see Alien's Father in Volume 3. And we've already seen Phantom's grandfather back in Volume 1. I don't know if I'll bring him back. He will be named in the next volume, though. Just so you know. There'll be a portrait of him in the background of a random episode.

Haven't we also seen Phantom's nephew? (or am I just imagining things )

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Well, it's Friday... So, before I go to sleep, here's the next episode of Phantom and Alien!



Gosh! What will happen next? Is Alien still alive? What is Death up to? Will we find out?

Check back in the ARCHIVE for possible clues...

This time next week will be the finale. I hope you're all looking forward to it! Just a reminder, though, after episode 100 there will be the special three-part Phanston and Ailsbry: Private Detectives story, followed by three guest comics.

Fun times ahead!

[Morai]

I like the volume 3 icons. Alien looks so cute!

[Lalwendë]

You can leave your hat on...

Originally Posted by Mithalwen

Davem looks like he has a role in "The Full Monty"

It was filmed in our neighbourhood - the old corner shop (now a house) is in it, and the gritting yard at the bottom of the road so you never know...

My office also gets blown up on screen twice - once in Threads (grim nuclear drama that gives you nightmares for the rest of your life, written by one of my tutors) and then again in The Last Train (rubbish sci-fi drama where lots of people survive a metoer impact when their train crashes in the tunnel going into the station).