The Barrow Downs Newspaper

[The Might]

Well, that's because, unlike others, I are serious!

And about the name...think I made a good guess.

Btw, I really liked the title about the file of Galadriel

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by The Might

Btw, I really liked the title about the file of Galadriel

That one is a Headline written by the phantom himself, no less.
Sorry, I keep forgetting to credit him.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

They say that the best lies have an element of truth. But The Downer wouldn't know anything about that...
Thanks to Diamond for the second story.



I think it's about time we had a Dragon in The Phantom and Alien, don't you?

[The Elf-warrior]

By Michel Delving
A bin full of guns was captured by the dauntless heroes of the Barrow-Downs Police Force yesterday. While Eomer of the Rohirrim was filming an inane video for his Facebook page, he noticed a bin creeping in the bushes. He crept over to take a closer look and guess what he saw? It was a bin full of guns leaving a trail of blood behind it. As a trained police professional, he ran home crying for his mommy, who called the Police for reinforcements. The only person available was a drug Sting officer. He lured the terrifying Bin to a trap by singing a famous stalker anthem. The Sting officer hauled the bin to jail, where he awaits trial. "This is a great step forward in the war against terrifying bins, now that we know that bins really are the menace they've been claimed to be, now get out of my face you $@$#$ pests!" DCI Lalwende commented. The bin's family was not available for comment.

[the phantom]

YOUNG TURIN SLAYS GARDEN SLUG

Hurin’s heir, Turin, is off to a magnificent start on his road to manhood according to friends and family. “The boy’s only three years old, and he already has a great killer instinct,” boasted Morwen, Turin’s mother. “The way he handled that slug- I really think it’s a sign of greater things to come.”

Woodcutter Sador agreed. “He didn’t show any fear at all. Most of the kids around here think big slugs are gross and don’t want to get anywhere near them, but Turin is never afraid to stand his ground and look an enemy in the eye.”

King Fingon, who happened to be in the neighborhood for a conference, said that Turin has all the makings of a great general. “Oh, yes, his father told me all about the slug incident. I can’t tell you how impressed I was by the planning that Turin put into the deed. It was sheer genius, what he did with that board.”

According to witnesses of the event, which took place last Saturday, Turin used a small carving knife to cut a trench across a board, and then set the board in the slug’s path. The slug crawled onto the board, and when it reached Turin’s cut, it attempted to stretch across to the other side, exposing its vulnerable belly. And that’s when Turin struck.

“Fantastic strategy!” gushed Hurin. “He got the slug to stretch out over the notch, then he slid his knife down into the notch and slashed up at the slug’s underside. The slug never had a chance.”

“It’s incredible that he already has an understanding of combat strategy,” observed Huor, Turin’s uncle. “Surprising a foe from an unexpected angle and using the landscape to exploit an enemy’s weakness are tactics that can be used throughout life against all sorts of opponents.”

But young Turin is not without critics. Melkor and members of his Angband staff have long held that the House of Hador is "totally weak", and say that Turin’s latest achievement changes nothing. Glaurung, Melkor’s head dragon, was particularly critical during a press conference yesterday. “Frankly, I’m amazed it worked. He was lucky the slug crawled onto the board in the first place, and even luckier that it didn’t just go around the trench. That’s certainly what I would’ve done.”

Melkor seconded Glaurung’s words, calling Turin’s strategy “ridiculous” and "infantile", and insisted that such an approach was useless on a larger scale. “Even if it is a good slug-killing maneuver, what does that matter? It’s not as if he could kill a dragon like that.”

When informed of Melkor's words, young Turin fired back, calling Melkor a "big meanie" and "poo-poo head". When asked about Glaurung, the three-year old boldly declared he would, upon reaching manhood, "stab him in the eyeball". Turin's family applauded the boy's words- all except his Aunt Aerin. "I don't like all this warlike talk," Aerin told reporters this morning. "He's only three! Yet he's already killing things, boasting, getting into verbal fights with dragons, and being called a warrior by his family. With a childhood like this, he can only expect to have a short, violent, and tragic life."

Whose words will prove true? We here at the Downer can't wait to find out.

[Diamond18]

tp, that was hilarious. And disturbing. Get more sleep.

[the phantom]

So does that mean I'm disturbingly hilarious, or hilariously disturbed?

But sleep? Sorry, that's out of the question. Now- lying in bed trying to sleep... that I can do. I've been practicing for a week.

Glad you enjoyed the article though. I've got another one coming soon. It's very disturbing. And, I hope, somewhat entertaining.

[Lalwendë]

Originally Posted by The Elf-warrior

By Michel Delving
A bin full of guns was captured by the dauntless heroes of the Barrow-Downs Police Force yesterday. While Eomer of the Rohirrim was filming an inane video for his Facebook page, he noticed a bin creeping in the bushes. He crept over to take a closer look and guess what he saw? It was a bin full of guns leaving a trail of blood behind it. As a trained police professional, he ran home crying for his mommy, who called the Police for reinforcements. The only person available was a drug Sting officer. He lured the terrifying Bin to a trap by singing a famous stalker anthem. The Sting officer hauled the bin to jail, where he awaits trial. "This is a great step forward in the war against terrifying bins, now that we know that bins really are the menace they've been claimed to be, now get out of my face you $@$#$ pests!" DCI Lalwende commented. The bin's family was not available for comment.

You got me freaked out for a mo there - "Bin Laden with Guns..." I thought a certain elusive terrorist mastermind had been behind the 'forbidden' episode the other day for a minute!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

YES, The Downer has the exclusive on the crisis in the Dragon's Realm!



I think I should point out that there is officially a completely white room in The Phantom's house where he has most of his conversations with Alien.

[Morai]

I for one, think that's a fantastic use of that much money.

[Bêthberry]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

I think I should point out that there is officially a completely white room in The Phantom's house where he has most of his conversations with Alien.

I'm a bit confused, as I often am these days. Is there anything intrinsically different between a white room and a white house? And does it have black curtains? And should I be thinking of Eric Clapton or Someone Else? It's a war edition after all.