The Barrow Downs Newspaper

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Oh, and by the way... where is the Siltmud Mtns?

[Morthoron]

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Dear Mortals:

I believe that your ignominious article 'Gnomes Demand To Be Counted Among The Noldor' should be gnominated as the worst piece of propaganda ever gnown. I am sure this type of accusation is gnothing gnu to you, but I have a gnawing suspicion (based on the article's gnauseously gnuanced gnomenclature) that this report was spread by the Order of Gnomonically Respectable Elves (OGRE), a gnomadic group of Gnomes under the gnominal leadership of the Gnoldor...errr, excuse me, Noldor. Under the gnom de plume OGRE, this fallacious faction of gnonconformist Gnomes has long sought linkage with the Noldor (and received agnonymous subsidization from them).

We at the Affiliated Brethren Counter-Demanding an Elf-Free Gnomic Homeland (ABCDEFGH) want nothing to do with the gnaughty, haughty Noldor; however, please don't confuse us with the Hallowed Gnomes Fighting Elvish Domination: Currently, Before and After (HGFEDCBA), as they are merely a splinter group with gnumerous policy flaws and a horrid acronym. The ABCDEFGH remains commited to fighting Noldorin domination with gnathic tenacity, gnashing clenched teeth against the oppression and kin-strife gnarling elvish history in a gnumber of gnasty gnots.

Gnotably yours,
Gnonesuch the Gnome
Gnotary of the ABCDEFGH

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

I would rather like one of those multicoloured coats! I think that I'll go buy one with Hookbill's life savings!

How do I get my hands on a copy of the 'Annoyingly Thick' magazine? I would like to read the stories in there!

[Laurinquë]

Ha! undoubtbly cheese induced! Hear that GEW? I love that.

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Originally Posted by Laurinquë

Ha! undoubtbly cheese induced! Hear that GEW? I love that.

I haven't eaten cheese since... the last time I had those dreams! Maybe it was cheese induced... I ate cheese today, in my beans... Will I have strange dreams when I finally go to bed?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Morthoron

LETTER TO THE EDITOR
From
Gnonesuch the Gnome
Gnotary of the ABCDEFGH

Dear Gnonesuch,

I don't much like your tone of voice. Therefore, I'm sending you a life-time supply of sulfuric acid through your water pipes.

Take a bath!
- Jim the Public relations officer.

Originally Posted by Volo

Black mail to the Editor
from
Olov the Scaled
Janitor of the Black Mail Historians

Dear sir,

The Downer refuses to engage in legitimate business proposals. Our accountant has all the illegal and highly morally questionable money to deal with. We are therefore forwarding your letter on to the Editor in Chief of The Barrow tabloid newspaper.
Hoping you have success,

- Harrold the new Public relations officer.

Originally Posted by TheGreatElvenWarrior

Wait, he's the most wonderful wight living? And here I was thinking that Barrow-Wights were all dead...
Nut I agree with you, Hookbill is the most wonderful wight! And I did not write the article. I'm pretty sure Hookbill did...

Actually, if you take a care to READ what was written, it becomes clear that that excellent article was written by Mr Formendacil. Great scotsman's ghost, don't people read anymore? Do I have to use the Hitler poster again?

[Eönwë]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

The Downer refuses to engage in legitimate business proposals. Our accountant has all the illegal and highly morally questionable money to deal with. We are therefore forwarding your letter on to the Editor in Chief of The Barrow tabloid newspaper.
Hoping you have success,

- Harrold the new Public relations officer.

You don't think they might right about it, do you? That would just be preposterous! Showing an eemy newspaper in a bad light like that!

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

Actually, if you take a care to READ what was written, it becomes clear that that excellent article was written by Mr Formendacil. Great scotsman's ghost, don't people read anymore? Do I have to use the Hitler poster again?

Yes I read it, I wasn't sure which article was his though.... Of course I'm not the brightest of people, so I could've missed it.

[Formendacil]

Originally Posted by TheGreatElvenWarrior

Oh, and by the way... where is the Siltmud Mtns?

North of Gobbledegookia, on the I-47.887, about five leagues or so out of Tel-e-vishon, across from the Happy Flowers Asylum for Small Puppies. Can't miss it.

[quote=Hookbill the Goomba]Great scotsman's ghost, don't people read anymore? Do I have to use the Hitler poster again?{/quote]

Well, literacy has taken quite a hit since the publication of the Downer commenced. Why be literate, if this is as good as it gets?

Originally Posted by Bêthberry

I would have thought that Formendacil would not lay up his gold where thieves may break through and steal--even such a thief as Bilbo, bearing riddles--so his spiders will be undisturbed whilst he is out of town.

That assumes, of course, that I have gold... and what with being a student and all, that is an unfounded assumption, I would say--about it solidly built as a mountain made of mud and silt. If I have any gold, it would take a keen burglar with the nose to smell it and the brutality to trash the place to even find it.

Besides, those cobwebs are getting a little thick... they could use a disturbing.

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Originally Posted by Formendacil

North of Gobbledegookia, on the I-47.887, about five leagues or so out of Tel-e-vishon, across from the Happy Flowers Asylum for Small Puppies. Can't miss it.

Thank 'ee, I must go there sometime now that I know where to go...

Originally Posted by Formendancil

Well, literacy has taken quite a hit since the publication of the Downer commenced. Why be literate, if this is as good as it gets?

The Downer, best thing since mouldy lunches.

[Eönwë]

Originally Posted by Formendacil

Well, literacy has taken quite a hit since the publication of the Downer commenced. Why be literate, if this is as good as it gets?

The Downer: Better than a punch in the stomach-
Eönwë Magazine. Rating for the Downer-1/2*

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Originally Posted by Eönwë

The Downer: Better than a punch in the stomach-
Eönwë Magazine. Rating for the Downer-1/2*

Review:

Originally Posted by Wannabe Magazine

"Definitely put together in less than an hour. Much better than any other paper that I have read since the Barrow. I have been reading the Downer since about week 57 and I have been very happy with it except for the bad articles (week -20 through 198) The Downer is a fine newspaper printed on the bark of ents no doubt, so I have reason to believe that this newspaper has reached the qualities that we look for in a newspaper. It has hit 5 out of 100 things that every newspaper needs and therefore it is there amongst the greatest of newspapers. Much better than the Frowner, which was what took the Downer's place as newspaper of the Downs. I believe that the Downer has held the only paper that I read place for quite some time, and I believe that it will continue to do so until the next newspaper comes out."
-Ima Critique
Wannabe Critique

[Eönwë]

Well, I was just joking TGEW.

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Originally Posted by Eönwë

Well, I was just joking TGEW.

So was I...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

You'll get your fill of news if you eat The Downer...

Thanks to TGEW for the mini-headlines....



This week, The Phantom has an idea...