The Bad LotR Fan Fic Drinking Game - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Morthoron · 07-18-2008, 09:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thenamir

You know, I might take it on as a personal challenge to write every one of these items into a single story (minus the slash/sexual parts) and thus create some kind of mass-comatose binge.

It'll have to wait until I can get the next post for REB III up...which has been in the works for, what, 10 months now?

If you would care to have an accomplice, I would love to add a character to the mayhem. Perhaps a few roleplayers could make the most wretched "Mary-Sue and the Middle-earth High School Massacre, Part IV: The Seduction of Arwen's Blind Sister" ever created.

I even have the perfect starting sentence:

"It was a dark, stormy night."

*The Dark Elf takes a shot for even thinking of something so diabolical*

Gwathagor · 07-18-2008, 10:20 PM

Wormwood liquor...is that the same thing as absinthe?

Morthoron · 07-19-2008, 07:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gwathagor

Wormwood liquor...is that the same thing as absinthe?

Yes, it is. Yet in context with Elves in trees and branches, I went with the 'wormwood' connotation instead. But as they say, "Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder."

Lush · 07-23-2008, 06:18 AM

A so-called friend sent me a link to a blog which hosted a story with the following elements:

Arwen is really Aragorn's long lost mother... somehow.

They enter into a romantic relationship anyway.

But then Aragorn falls in love with a magical woman with "amber eyes."

Magical woman with amber eyes kills Arwen in some sort of... duel.

Then random hilarity ensues when Thranduil shows up and claims magical woman with amber eyes. And Legolas gets involved on both sides. Somehow.

Oh,and Aragorn just sort of cowers and mopes through it all, and composes bad poetry that sounds kind of like a Nickelback rip-off.

Seemed like a trollfic, but author was defending it rather viciously in the comments. Then it was deleted.

So if you're wondering where I've been, the short answer is "in alcoholic stupor."

Nerwen · 07-23-2008, 07:07 AM

Link, please?

*is a masochist*

Lush · 07-25-2008, 10:12 AM

Sadly the opus was deleted, along with the blog it was hosted on. Obviously the brilliance of the author was too much for the collective interwebs to handle, and he wisely decided that casting pearls (i.e. his narrative genius) before swine (i.e. his readership) was ultimately beneath him.

*tiny emo tear*

Morthoron · 07-25-2008, 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thenamir

You know, I might take it on as a personal challenge to write every one of these items into a single story (minus the slash/sexual parts) and thus create some kind of mass-comatose binge.

It'll have to wait until I can get the next post for REB III up...which has been in the works for, what, 10 months now?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morthoron

If you would care to have an accomplice, I would love to add a character to the mayhem. Perhaps a few roleplayers could make the most wretched "Mary-Sue and the Middle-earth High School Massacre, Part IV: The Seduction of Arwen's Blind Sister" ever created.

I even have the perfect starting sentence:

"It was a dark, stormy night."

*The Dark Elf takes a shot for even thinking of something so diabolical*

I repeat my offer to anyone who is interested in writing the most dreadful RP ever created. I am in the process of having the dwarves create a prosthetic finger for Frodo so that he won't be so melancholy, and be whole, and find the Hobbit boy of his dreams.

Nerwen · 07-25-2008, 08:51 PM

Me! Me!

Morthoron · 07-26-2008, 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nerwen

Me! Me!

*The Dark Elf smirks*

Nerwen, somehow I knew you'd want to be in on this conspiracy. So, what do you think, a true epic farce with stunningly bad elements, or just a stunningly bad epic drama? Or is the line between the two so thin it doesn't matter?

Nerwen · 07-28-2008, 12:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morthoron

So, what do you think, a true epic farce with stunningly bad elements, or just a stunningly bad epic drama? Or is the line between the two so thin it doesn't matter?

Not really... a stunningly bad epic drama is a farce. We must have angst!

Morthoron · 07-28-2008, 06:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mithalwen

Please sir!!! Me too Sir!!

Yes, most certainly.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nerwen

Not really... a stunningly bad epic drama is a farce. We must have angst!

Hmmm...no, a bad drama maybe farcical, but it's not a farce; whereas a farce is not a bad drama because it is purposely farcical (although it could be a bad farce).

For instance, Lush's author (the one who had Arwen as Aragorn's mum) was not writing a farce, he was deadly serious about his wordsmithing; however, when it became obvious that other readers were not giving the story its just due, he deleted the whole thing in a pique of righteous indignation.

I suppose we could do nothing but write a farce (or satire, if you prefer) because the bad elements will be planned and not merely spontaneous inspiration; yet the story must not seem forced or evident (as if we were planning and presenting a farce or satire). A good satire is one that fools the uninitiated, lulling them into a belief that what they are reading is serious.

Nerwen · 07-28-2008, 07:11 AM

Precisely what I had in mind.

Mithalwen · 07-26-2008, 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nerwen

Me! Me!

Please sir!!! Me too Sir!!

Kitanna · 07-29-2008, 10:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morthoron

I repeat my offer to anyone who is interested in writing the most dreadful RP ever created. I am in the process of having the dwarves create a prosthetic finger for Frodo so that he won't be so melancholy, and be whole, and find the Hobbit boy of his dreams.

Me sir!

Morthoron · 07-29-2008, 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitanna

Me sir!

Great! Nerwen, Mithalwen, Kitanna...we have the makings of a wondrously...ummm...banal...classic! I should think a few more contributors (roleplays tend to get rather muddied and confusing if there are more than 6 or 7 full-time characters ), and we can start planning.

I'm thinking of creating a half-elven character -- with a twist. You see, my mother, an elf of Doriath, was raped by a dwarf in the sack of Menegroth. Growing up a short elf has been rather hard on me, and the fact that I have to shave every day to look like the other Elves is quite grating. The other elven children used to taunt me and call me "Perenaug". Naturally, I have grown up to be an embittered elf with an axe to grind (quite literally).

Nerwen · 07-30-2008, 08:57 AM

Hmmn... perhaps I could take up your suggestion from a few posts back? My character is Arwen's blind sister. I have the Mary Sue version of blindness– meaning it causes me deep anguish, but no practical inconvenience whatever. In fact, I'm a much better archer than Legolas.

Morthoron · 07-30-2008, 09:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nerwen

Hmmn... perhaps I could take up your suggestion from a few posts back? My character is Arwen's blind sister. I have the Mary Sue version of blindness– meaning it causes me deep anguish, but no practical inconvenience whatever. In fact, I'm a much better archer than Legolas.

Sort of like the Chuck Norris of blind elves, except with angst.

Bêthberry · 07-30-2008, 09:33 PM

May one inquire where this hysterical tome will be produced should one wish to follow the hilarity?

While I alas do not peruse fanfiction and so have nothing to contribute here, I do note from the examples provided by this drinking fraternity that apparently Tom Bombadil and Goldberry do not figure highly in fanfiction.

Perhaps Tom as he appears in LotR is enough to drive some fans to drink that there's nothing left to the eager fabulist to overproduce?

07-18-2008, 10:20 PM	#2
Gwathagor Shade with a Blade Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: A Rainy Night In Soho Posts: 2,512	Wormwood liquor...is that the same thing as absinthe? __________________ Stories and songs.

07-23-2008, 06:18 AM	#4
Lush Fair and Cold Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: the big onion Posts: 1,770	A so-called friend sent me a link to a blog which hosted a story with the following elements: Arwen is really Aragorn's long lost mother... somehow. They enter into a romantic relationship anyway. But then Aragorn falls in love with a magical woman with "amber eyes." Magical woman with amber eyes kills Arwen in some sort of... duel. Then random hilarity ensues when Thranduil shows up and claims magical woman with amber eyes. And Legolas gets involved on both sides. Somehow. Oh,and Aragorn just sort of cowers and mopes through it all, and composes bad poetry that sounds kind of like a Nickelback rip-off. Seemed like a trollfic, but author was defending it rather viciously in the comments. Then it was deleted. So if you're wondering where I've been, the short answer is "in alcoholic stupor." __________________ ~The beginning is the word and the end is silence. And in between are all the stories. This is one of mine~

07-23-2008, 07:07 AM	#5
Nerwen Wisest of the Noldor Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: ˙˙˙ssɐןƃ ƃuıʞooן ǝɥʇ ɥƃnoɹɥʇ Posts: 6,694	Link, please? is a masochist __________________ "Even Nerwen wasn't evil in the beginning." –Elmo.

07-25-2008, 10:12 AM	#6
Lush Fair and Cold Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: the big onion Posts: 1,770	Sadly the opus was deleted, along with the blog it was hosted on. Obviously the brilliance of the author was too much for the collective interwebs to handle, and he wisely decided that casting pearls (i.e. his narrative genius) before swine (i.e. his readership) was ultimately beneath him. tiny emo tear __________________ ~The beginning is the word and the end is silence. And in between are all the stories. This is one of mine~

07-25-2008, 08:51 PM	#8
Nerwen Wisest of the Noldor Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: ˙˙˙ssɐןƃ ƃuıʞooן ǝɥʇ ɥƃnoɹɥʇ Posts: 6,694	Me! Me! __________________ "Even Nerwen wasn't evil in the beginning." –Elmo.

07-28-2008, 07:11 AM	#12
Nerwen Wisest of the Noldor Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: ˙˙˙ssɐןƃ ƃuıʞooן ǝɥʇ ɥƃnoɹɥʇ Posts: 6,694	Precisely what I had in mind. __________________ "Even Nerwen wasn't evil in the beginning." –Elmo.

07-30-2008, 08:57 AM	#16
Nerwen Wisest of the Noldor Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: ˙˙˙ssɐןƃ ƃuıʞooן ǝɥʇ ɥƃnoɹɥʇ Posts: 6,694	Hmmn... perhaps I could take up your suggestion from a few posts back? My character is Arwen's blind sister. I have the Mary Sue version of blindness– meaning it causes me deep anguish, but no practical inconvenience whatever. In fact, I'm a much better archer than Legolas. __________________ "Even Nerwen wasn't evil in the beginning." –Elmo.

07-30-2008, 09:33 PM	#18
Bêthberry Cryptic Aura Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 6,003	May one inquire where this hysterical tome will be produced should one wish to follow the hilarity? While I alas do not peruse fanfiction and so have nothing to contribute here, I do note from the examples provided by this drinking fraternity that apparently Tom Bombadil and Goldberry do not figure highly in fanfiction. Perhaps Tom as he appears in LotR is enough to drive some fans to drink that there's nothing left to the eager fabulist to overproduce? __________________ I’ll sing his roots off. I’ll sing a wind up and blow leaf and branch away.