The Bad LotR Fan Fic Drinking Game

[Mithalwen]

Originally Posted by Morthoron

Actually, I was joking; but I have seen Tolkien fan-fic so overtly religious that there were indeed churches and sacerdotal paraphernalia so profuse, one would think they were at the Vatican.

I thought you probably were but while I would hope not to regard myself as being particularly timorous I don't want to go there remotely. From experience can, open, worms everywhere so at the risk of seeming it have a sense of humour bypass I'll leave that rock right there and move some of the others..

[Morthoron]

Alright, enough of this maundering blather; it's time to commit our blathering to paper (in a cyber sense) and maunder indelicately through the fair fields of Eriador (or the mirk and mire of Rhovanion).

I've decided it's best to put our story (and its requisite commentary thread) in the mirth section, where our flippancy will be better accorded (after all, there's a perennial werewolf thread there already).

Any additions or comments 'ere we begin our hazardous trek?

[Lalaith]

Sorry I've been out of the loop on this.
I am loving the 'Go East' theme.
My own Sharpairien, and her camp chum Daemian, will be ready to roll characterwise soon. Of course, there will be half-sibling rivalry (we already have some other daughters of Elrond, don't we?). And campness.

I think we MUST have the Arken-Sil in there somewhere. Perhaps the pseudo-Ring is a kind of homing device to it? Like one of those things that locate your lost car-keys...
Oh and what about a lost tribe of Moriquendi, just boys, who haven't seen an elven-lass in, oh, Ages?

[Lalwendë]

I've just found this thread.

The first page was like browsing the Fantasy section in Waterstones. What does that signify?!

Mithalwen, please, please, please provide us with a pwinceth.

[Mithalwen]

Originally Posted by Lalwendë

Mithalwen, please, please, please provide us with a pwinceth.

I don't think I could improve on...

Perhaps the pseudo-Ring is a kind of homing device to it? Like one of those things that locate your lost car-keys...

My mother had one of those. Everything used to set it off - clinking against the dashboard, my aunt's voice (albeit she works on a frequency largely audible to bats). It was horrific and drove us insane. As a result an "all keys will be hung on the hooks on the hall" policy was introduced. Yes it would be a gift to burglars but you don't get everything.

Actually with so many daughters of Elrond, I think my character will be more of a Hermione Granger type. Mousy but irritatingly clever. Her get out of being Mary Sue card will be that the famous relative is Erestor....

[Morthoron]

Originally Posted by Mithalwen

Perhaps the pseudo-Ring is a kind of homing device to it? Like one of those things that locate your lost car-keys...

Well, yes, it should be like a mood ring, glowing brighter in proximity to the Silmarkenstone. *snickers* Perhaps it should actually be a mood ring, and the Silmarkenstone a pet rock, and everyone has been hoodwinked by an unscrupulous swindler (the same guy who wove the emperor's new clothes).

Never mind, just thinking out loud.

Originally Posted by Mithalwen

Actually with so many daughters of Elrond, I think my character will be more of a Hermione Granger type. Mousy but irritatingly clever. Her get out of being Mary Sue card will be that the famous relative is Erestor....

Sounds great, Mith. I would like to see everyone with a highly individualized character. I mean, after all, we don't want to fall into stereotypes.

[Durelin]

It seems to me you have collected more than enough fodder here to create a rival for 'The Downer'...something like 'The Middle-earth Inquirer'.

[Morthoron]

Originally Posted by Lalaith

I think we MUST have the Arken-Sil in there somewhere. Perhaps the pseudo-Ring is a kind of homing device to it? Like one of those things that locate your lost car-keys...
Oh and what about a lost tribe of Moriquendi, just boys, who haven't seen an elven-lass in, oh, Ages?

How about a working title, pompously rendered, such as:

The Ancillarion: Of the Silmarkenstone Conspiracy and the Incidental Fellowship -- Their Trials, Tribulations, Loves Lost and Found, and Their Salvation of Middle-earth (as utterly unlikely as that may seem)

P.S. I believe the story should start at the Painted Pony (because don't all fan-fics start in Bree?).

[Lalaith]

I have to confess that I very rarely read fan-fiction, so to limber up I had a quick scan of the Daughter of Sauron thing.
I love the following:
1. That mother and daughter spend 500 years living in cosy domesticity with Daddy Sauron, in the heart of Mordor.
2. That dear old Durthren or whatever her name is, is so sanguine about Daddy murdering Mummy. "he took care of her, she could never hate him.."
3. That Elrond is her grandfather. Why? How?

[Nerwen]

Originally Posted by Lalaith

Of course, there will be half-sibling rivalry (we already have some other daughters of Elrond, don't we?)

Yes– Hiss! Spit!

Originally Posted by Morthoron

How about a working title, pompously rendered, such as:

The Ancillarion: Of the Silmarkenstone Conspiracy and the Incidental Fellowship -- Their Trials, Tribulations, Loves Lost and Found, and Their Salvation of Middle-earth (as utterly unlikely as that may seem)

P.S. I believe the story should start at the Painted Pony (because don't all fan-fics start in Bree?).

We also need the obligatory scene in Rivendell where the Anti-Fellowship are sent on their perilous quest.

As well as having a mole in the Fellowship, how about them being hunted by a Tenth Nazgûl? They're quite popular with the more Gothically-inclined fanbrat.

Originally Posted by Lalaith

I have to confess that I very rarely read fan-fiction, so to limber up I had a quick scan of the Daughter of Sauron thing.
I love the following:
1. That mother and daughter spend 500 years living in cosy domesticity with Daddy Sauron, in the heart of Mordor.
2. That dear old Durthren or whatever her name is, is so sanguine about Daddy murdering Mummy. "he took care of her, she could never hate him.."
3. That Elrond is her grandfather. Why? How?

That's nothing. There's one where Frodo is Galadriel's son... and there's a Ringwraith named Miguel... and the Mary Sue is a TV-obsessed American teenager who reforms Sauron through the power of lurv (he was just misunderstood, anyway– had an unhappy childhood).

I could go on... You won't believe the things these kids come up with.

Morthoron is right– we need a coherent plot, even at the risk of improving on our models. You can't write something more ridiculous than what already exists

[Lalwendë]

Originally Posted by Lalaith

I have to confess that I very rarely read fan-fiction, so to limber up I had a quick scan of the Daughter of Sauron thing.
I love the following:
1. That mother and daughter spend 500 years living in cosy domesticity with Daddy Sauron, in the heart of Mordor.
2. That dear old Durthren or whatever her name is, is so sanguine about Daddy murdering Mummy. "he took care of her, she could never hate him.."
3. That Elrond is her grandfather. Why? How?

Is this true? Did someone really write that?

Incidentally, are you going to have a Fourth Age female wizard in this too? One who lives in the woods and looks for herbs to heal people with?

[Lindale]

Originally Posted by Lalwendë

Is this true? Did someone really write that?

Yes dear somebody did write that. I posted a URL to that, if you want to be horrified more.

Incidentally, are you going to have a Fourth Age female wizard in this too? One who lives in the woods and looks for herbs to heal people with?

Don't you think quasi-feminism will work too? I've seen enough fan fic to last me a lifetime now, and almost everything has a heroin, erm, heroine.