The Barrow Downs Newspaper - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Oddwen · 08-26-2012, 04:54 PM

I hope the new series has more jellysplosions! Grant us jellysplosions fifthwith! Fivesooth!

Hookbill the Goomba · 09-02-2012, 10:15 AM

Sorry guys, but the Downer Newspaper and this week's P&A will probably not come until later in the week. My computer died and I can't get my software to work on the emergency back up computer I'm using. Hopefully I should be back with a working thing by tomorrow, so I'll see what I can do.

In the meantime, anyone who wants to post an article to the thread is free to do so.

Oddwen · 09-02-2012, 12:37 PM

NO PAPER TODAY, SAYS PAPER GUY

by "Pickles" McSpankypants

Shock, horror and ambivalence swept the Downs today as alleged editor of the extremely unpopular "Barrow Downs Newspaper" announced via newspaper that there would be no newspaper today. It's about time somebody swept around here, it's getting grave-dusty.

Hookwilliam Fitzgoomba claimed that computer problems were to blame for the lack of gossip, slander and enraging lies that the population is accustomed to reading with their morning meal. Sources say that they saw sea-hag Aganzir attempt to bite the offending computers to death, but Sources is a silly person who knows just about as much as Jon Snow, because computers can't bleed or feel pain.

"This is disappointing," said one the phantom. "How are people supposed to read my own articles about how great I am? Looks like I have to go out and put leaflets on everyone's car windshields again."

"I'm for it!" said a man who looked like the phantom wearing a fake mustache. "How else will people realize how much they miss reading about the phantom unless they're not reading about the phantom?"

"I sure am going to miss reading about the phantom," said a man who looked like the phantom wearing a dress and long-haired wig. "Anyone else? Anyone? Anyone? Please notice me!"

the phantom could not be reached for additional comments. We didn't even try, really, he looked so happy drawing up his propaganda posters.

Advertisers have begun lining up outside the door of the Downer's main offices, demanding remuneration and various measures of Hookbill's flesh.

"As far as I know, we're all paid up," explained Rune of Rune's Quality Beef fame. "I just thought my main office could use a bit of decoration, and I decided that a human foot would be gorgeous on top of the pile of rotted Beef."

Eonwe, spokesman for "Let Them Eat Lard" revealed that he actually owed Hookbill money, but chose to line up because he believed that beating up people for no reason was "Fun For The Whole Family(tm)!".

The Barrow-Wight Himself ordered Moderators to shut down their usual weekend "Cleanup Squad Response Team" in response.

"Usually on Paper day, tempers flare, riots start in the street, volcanoes erupt, blood is mingled with milk and honey, the usual apocalyptic signs," explained The Books Moderator Estelyn Telcontar in a press conference that nobody attended. "We were pleased to see this morning that everybody was behaving rationally and politely in all forums and sub-forums. Posts in the Chapter-by-Chapter discussions have doubled! The Moderator team is hosting a huge party of special magnificence that nobody is invited to in celebration. It won't be all fun and games though. We will have to make a plan of attack for if the Paper returns. We're hoping we can get the Eagles to transport Hookbill's printing press to the Cracks of Doom for us."

The Eagles are currently on tour in the US and could not be reached for comment.

"The rumors that my computer is working just fine and that I spent my usual writing hours watching television are wrong! Unfounded! You can't prove anything!" Hookbill then attempted to weld his door shut using a sonic screwdriver. The police watched and laughed. He is now in custody and will appear in court after lunch.

And now for your irregularly scheduled Phantom and Alien fill-in.

Bêthberry · 09-02-2012, 02:11 PM

Superb coverage, Oddwen. It's just like Hooky posted the latest edition. Except not.

A report on Fifty Shades of Gandalf the Grey in Sherwood Forest would have rounded out the edition quite nicely but I understand that the auteur has writer's cramp.

Hookbill the Goomba · 09-05-2012, 11:58 AM

Thanks Oddwen! You will be rewarded. WITH DEATH. Oh, wait... never mind...

But, my computer problems appear to be fixed for now. So here's the news...

Now back to your regularly scheduled Phalian.

Don't forget that if you've lost track of The Phantom and Alien, you can look back though the...

VOLUME 1 | VOLUME 2 | VOLUME 3 | VOLUME 4

Not long to go now with this P&A volume!

Boromir88 · 09-05-2012, 12:02 PM

Hmmm...that sounds like a good idea. Sally you wouldn't happen to have a WW game coming soon? Or, wait, I think i'll just take over Kath's.

Blind Guardian · 09-05-2012, 12:32 PM

CHEESE!

One a side note, the Wonderful Event of Wonderful Nothingness!

Hookbill the Goomba · 09-09-2012, 05:15 PM

Thanks to Galadriel55 for the second story!

Now back to your regularly scheduled Phalian.

Don't forget that if you've lost track of The Phantom and Alien, you can look back though the...

VOLUME 1 | VOLUME 2 | VOLUME 3 | VOLUME 4

The current P&A volume is coming to a close in two weeks, people! So for now I'd like to ask if anyone fancies doing some guest comics while I set up the next volume? Let me know either here or in PM if you prefer.

Aganzir · 10-19-2012, 01:16 PM

Just so you know, they say my ego is bigger than the phantom's. I'm not sure I agree, though. The phantom really has some ego issues while I'm just realistic.

Speaking of the phantom, he's hot. The comic version, I mean.

Also, cracked up at William Worm.

08-26-2012, 04:54 PM	#1
Oddwen Drummer in the Deep Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Next Sunday A.D. Posts: 2,145	I hope the new series has more jellysplosions! Grant us jellysplosions fifthwith! Fivesooth! __________________ But all the while I sit and think of times there were before I listen for returning feet and voices at the door

09-02-2012, 10:15 AM	#2
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	Sorry guys, but the Downer Newspaper and this week's P&A will probably not come until later in the week. My computer died and I can't get my software to work on the emergency back up computer I'm using. Hopefully I should be back with a working thing by tomorrow, so I'll see what I can do. In the meantime, anyone who wants to post an article to the thread is free to do so. __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...

09-02-2012, 12:37 PM	#3
Oddwen Drummer in the Deep Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Next Sunday A.D. Posts: 2,145	NO PAPER TODAY, SAYS PAPER GUY by "Pickles" McSpankypants Shock, horror and ambivalence swept the Downs today as alleged editor of the extremely unpopular "Barrow Downs Newspaper" announced via newspaper that there would be no newspaper today. It's about time somebody swept around here, it's getting grave-dusty. Hookwilliam Fitzgoomba claimed that computer problems were to blame for the lack of gossip, slander and enraging lies that the population is accustomed to reading with their morning meal. Sources say that they saw sea-hag Aganzir attempt to bite the offending computers to death, but Sources is a silly person who knows just about as much as Jon Snow, because computers can't bleed or feel pain. "This is disappointing," said one the phantom. "How are people supposed to read my own articles about how great I am? Looks like I have to go out and put leaflets on everyone's car windshields again." "I'm for it!" said a man who looked like the phantom wearing a fake mustache. "How else will people realize how much they miss reading about the phantom unless they're not reading about the phantom?" "I sure am going to miss reading about the phantom," said a man who looked like the phantom wearing a dress and long-haired wig. "Anyone else? Anyone? Anyone? Please notice me!" the phantom could not be reached for additional comments. We didn't even try, really, he looked so happy drawing up his propaganda posters. Advertisers have begun lining up outside the door of the Downer's main offices, demanding remuneration and various measures of Hookbill's flesh. "As far as I know, we're all paid up," explained Rune of Rune's Quality Beef fame. "I just thought my main office could use a bit of decoration, and I decided that a human foot would be gorgeous on top of the pile of rotted Beef." Eonwe, spokesman for "Let Them Eat Lard" revealed that he actually owed Hookbill money, but chose to line up because he believed that beating up people for no reason was "Fun For The Whole Family(tm)!". The Barrow-Wight Himself ordered Moderators to shut down their usual weekend "Cleanup Squad Response Team" in response. "Usually on Paper day, tempers flare, riots start in the street, volcanoes erupt, blood is mingled with milk and honey, the usual apocalyptic signs," explained The Books Moderator Estelyn Telcontar in a press conference that nobody attended. "We were pleased to see this morning that everybody was behaving rationally and politely in all forums and sub-forums. Posts in the Chapter-by-Chapter discussions have doubled! The Moderator team is hosting a huge party of special magnificence that nobody is invited to in celebration. It won't be all fun and games though. We will have to make a plan of attack for if the Paper returns. We're hoping we can get the Eagles to transport Hookbill's printing press to the Cracks of Doom for us." The Eagles are currently on tour in the US and could not be reached for comment. "The rumors that my computer is working just fine and that I spent my usual writing hours watching television are wrong! Unfounded! You can't prove anything!" Hookbill then attempted to weld his door shut using a sonic screwdriver. The police watched and laughed. He is now in custody and will appear in court after lunch. And now for your irregularly scheduled Phantom and Alien fill-in. __________________ But all the while I sit and think of times there were before I listen for returning feet and voices at the door

09-02-2012, 02:11 PM	#4
Bêthberry Cryptic Aura Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 6,003	Superb coverage, Oddwen. It's just like Hooky posted the latest edition. Except not. A report on Fifty Shades of Gandalf the Grey in Sherwood Forest would have rounded out the edition quite nicely but I understand that the auteur has writer's cramp. __________________ I’ll sing his roots off. I’ll sing a wind up and blow leaf and branch away.

09-05-2012, 11:58 AM	#5
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	Thanks Oddwen! You will be rewarded. WITH DEATH. Oh, wait... never mind... But, my computer problems appear to be fixed for now. So here's the news... Now back to your regularly scheduled Phalian. Don't forget that if you've lost track of The Phantom and Alien, you can look back though the... VOLUME 1 \| VOLUME 2 \| VOLUME 3 \| VOLUME 4 Not long to go now with this P&A volume! __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...

09-05-2012, 12:02 PM	#6
Boromir88 Laconic Loreman Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: USA Posts: 7,521	Hmmm...that sounds like a good idea. Sally you wouldn't happen to have a WW game coming soon? Or, wait, I think i'll just take over Kath's. __________________ Fenris Penguin Last edited by Boromir88; 09-05-2012 at 12:42 PM.

09-09-2012, 05:15 PM	#8
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	Thanks to Galadriel55 for the second story! Now back to your regularly scheduled Phalian. Don't forget that if you've lost track of The Phantom and Alien, you can look back though the... VOLUME 1 \| VOLUME 2 \| VOLUME 3 \| VOLUME 4 The current P&A volume is coming to a close in two weeks, people! So for now I'd like to ask if anyone fancies doing some guest comics while I set up the next volume? Let me know either here or in PM if you prefer. __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...

10-19-2012, 01:16 PM	#9
Aganzir Woman of Secret Shadow Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: in hollow halls beneath the fells Posts: 4,511	Just so you know, they say my ego is bigger than the phantom's. I'm not sure I agree, though. The phantom really has some ego issues while I'm just realistic. Speaking of the phantom, he's hot. The comic version, I mean. Also, cracked up at William Worm. __________________ He bit me, and I was not gentle.