Paper Telephone.

[Thinlómien]

Unfortunately for the burglar, his roommate found the diary. Her name was Aganzir and she found the picture hilarious. She laughed so much she couldn't talk, so instead she typed this on her phone:

Sauron buries himself in good Shire soil to keep safe from his disillusioned subordinates.

The message was accidentally sent to no one else but a mighty orc warlord named Oddwen. She was so inspired that she designed this new emblem for her minions:



The rivaling warlord, Firefoot, found this a ridiculous idea. After a few flasks of Orc draught, she described her enemy's new insignia as a silly mess that looks as if

Sauron was dismayed to find that covering Mordor in soybean fields both heartened any Hobbits passing through and caused his Orcs an existential crisis.

As you might guess, this mockery had a mixed reception. In fact, even a cartoon was made, by no one else but the famous goblin cartoonist Hookbill the Gobla:



Thankfully the world is full of witty reporters. The Elvish press - with journalists like Kath - quickly described the spit between the orc factions as

Sauron, taking a break from tormenting Saruman in Orthanc, is trying to explain to Bilbo (who had come to buy some totally unsuspicious soy beans) how irritating it is when German sunbathers lay their towels down on your vegetables, while aliens find themselves on his soy only menu.

The Dwarvish press was content to just publish this paparazzi picture - taken by Nogrod Ninjabeard - to show the quality of Elvish journalists: