Lord of the Rings TV series gets multi-season order at Amazon

[Michael Murry]

Many thanks to Inziladun and Morthoron for the respective Wish- and Non-Wish lists of prospective "LOTR" television/movie ideas. I don't know which to fear the most. Probably the former, because its proposals seem so lame, shop-worn, and predictable. To take just two examples from the Wish-list:

#6. The original cast appearing in cameos
"The Return of the King and even The Battle of Five Armies left virtually everyone on the right note."

#5. More female characters.

"With their adaptations, Jackson and company made an effort to give the female characters more to do. For example, it's Arwen who rescues the hobbits in the first movie.”

"In The Desolation of Smaug, the film makers introduced a strong-willed female elf named Tauriel. While this character wasn't in any of the books, she was a welcome addition to an otherwise male dominated tale. Amazon could do something similar, although any original characters would have to be well-written to fit into the middle earth canon. We don't just want a token character.”

Oh, please! The transparent cameo appearances of Elija Wood and Ian Holm as departed ring-bearers Frodo and Bilbo Baggins, respectively (back from the Undying Lands for a long-delayed curtain call?) most certainly did not leave "virtually everyone" on the right note at the end of the Hobbit films, unless one considers a sour note the "right" one.

Furthermore, Arwyn does not "rescue the hobbits in the first movie." She only shoves the elf Glorfindel aside and takes his horse to rescue Frodo from pursuing Black Riders. Details from Wikipedia:

As told in the first volume, The Fellowship of the Ring, Glorfindel was sent by Elrond of Rivendell to help the hobbit Frodo reach Rivendell as he is pursued by the Nazgûl. He set Frodo on his horse, Asfaloth, and Frodo rode ahead to the other side of the Ford of Bruinen, where he defied his pursuers. He was nearly captured, but Glorfindel, Strider and Frodo's hobbit companions drove the Nazgûl into the water, where they were swept away by a wave of water resembling charging horses (an enchantment created by Elrond and Gandalf). Glorfindel revealed himself as a mighty Elf-lord terrible in his wrath; Frodo saw him as a shining figure.

So much for Frodo, Asfaloth the horse, Glorfindel, Strider, Frodo's hobbit companions, Elrond and Gandalf getting their own recognition for courage and ingenuity when truly needed. PJ and Co. just had to give Arwyn something to do, since Tolkien could never find much need of her presence throughout the principal narrative of his long tale.

And as for the "strong willed" Elf-chick security guard Tauriel who deserted her King's defense in order to chase after a dwarf with "nothing" in his pants: if she constitutes a "well-written" and "welcome" addition to the Middle Earth canon -- and not "just a token character" pandering to the pre- and post-pubescent mall-maiden demographic -- then the English language, as I understand it, has dissolved into incoherent gibberish.

So much for only two items on the so-called "wish list." I don't have time to go into the other eight, but no doubt others can easily dispense with those.

As for the "No-wish" list, I think it has possibilities, something along the lines of what Young Frankenstein and Love at First Bite did for Mary Shelley's Frankenstein; or, the New Prometheus, and Bram Stoker's Dracula, respectively. J. R. R. Tolkien already did his thing. Nothing can change that. Peter Jackson has lready done his thing. Nothing can change that, either. Time for someone else to do other things with Middle Earth history. I really don't care what as long as it makes sense and they do it with style and a little panache. Not that I expect this, of course, but as the stand-up comedienne Judy Tanuda likes to say about the highly improbable: "It could happen!"