What do you assign to Mordor?

[JennyHallu]

But if you say route like "root" then you've taken all the purpose out of that poor little "u"'s existence. Or the "o"'s. One of them.

Once again we have improved upon an established order...we started it with Constitutional government, and we'll finish with forcing our version of our common language down your mispronunciating throats! (And that's even better, because I just made up that last word.)

Granted, I was born and raised in the American Midwest, which is where most American newscasters go to unlearn their regional accents. As long as you don't wander Wisconsin-ward, you're pretty good.

And you guys have just gone overboard with this accent thing.

I was watching the actor interviews in the Phantom of the Opera special edition DVD...and the girl who played Kitty spoke of how difficult her role was, because neither she nor the girl who played Christine could understand eachother's accents. YOU BOTH COME FROM A NATION THE APPROXIMATE SIZE OF...OF...OF...A QUARTER!!

How do the British have such ridiculously segmented dialects of the same language, and yet such a totally cramped sense of distance?

I hereby assign to Morder British people complaining about their cars. I have to drive 800 some miles just to visit my parents, and we don't live all that far apart...

EDIT: And...my husband and I don't even own a regular phone line. Just a cell phone. It's actually a growing trend among young professionals, which is giving all the "Ma Bell"-clones something to keep them up at night. So THERE to all you cell-phone bashers!

[Mithalwen]

We say it near enough to the french original. And the differences in spelling actually make reading easier. Trust me I'm a linguistician. American spelling is just an excuse to cheat at Scrabble. I mean what is the point in changing plough to plow if you are going to leave snow as snow?

As one of SpM's signatures demonstrated, I glory in a language that has seven different ways to pronounce wourds ending in -ough (or is it 8?). If you want a ruthlessly logical language you end up with German which is pronounced as it is written but has 16 different ways to say "the" and the word for insectiside is 25 letters long. :p

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Insektenvernichtungsmittel - that's 26 letters, actually...

Oh, to get back on topic: I assign second-degree burns to Mordor. Even the smallest has the power to hurt and takes a long time to heal.

[Laitoste]

Weather that can't make up it's mind. This morning, it was grey. This afternoon, it snowed. Now, the sun is out. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME AND MY FRAGILE MIND? DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND IT'S MIDTERMS? :mad: I hope it's not like this over spring break...this is why you don't live in the Midwest, specifically Minnesota. (And to think I could have gone anywhere!)

[Celuien]

But if you say route like "root" then you've taken all the purpose out of that poor little "u"'s existence. Or the "o"'s. One of them.

Interesting. I've always said route as 'root.' But my accent has been molded by the Northeast, more specifically 'be-yoodiful' Philadelphia.

To Mordor with scutwork! (Definition: boring, tedious, time-consuming tasks that no one wants to do and thus are relegated to the lowest ranking member of the team. In other words, me. Origin: acronym for Some Common Unfinished Task, or so I've been told.)

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

The pronunciation of route? It rhymes with the Canadian about, the pronunciation of which, due to close proximity to numerous Canadians, has infiltrated my vocabulary. I won't even go into what Marylanders have done to my home, my cold, fold, and my hold.

And the slang you pick up away from home? I can only imagine the looks on my parents' faces the first time I unthinkingly come out with something along the lines of "Say what? Wow. Sketch! All caps, bolded, italicized sketch like Sketch from Pennsylvania sketch. That was scarier than Killington."

In any case, I assign being the last to order and then having the latte machine break just before they start my "SmallTwoPercentVanillaLatteWithExtraVanillaAndNoFo am".

[Lalwendë]

Insektenvernichtungsmittel - that's 26 letters, actually...

So that's something like Insect Annihilation Spray? I rather like that. ;)

I was watching the actor interviews in the Phantom of the Opera special edition DVD...and the girl who played Kitty spoke of how difficult her role was, because neither she nor the girl who played Christine could understand eachother's accents. YOU BOTH COME FROM A NATION THE APPROXIMATE SIZE OF...OF...OF...A QUARTER!!

How do the British have such ridiculously segmented dialects of the same language, and yet such a totally cramped sense of distance?

I hereby assign to Morder British people complaining about their cars. I have to drive 800 some miles just to visit my parents, and we don't live all that far apart...

Heh. My father reckoned he could tell which village in a seven mile radius of his own village that someone came from by the differences in accent. Even in Liverpool there are two distinct accents, so you'd get really mad there! I moved 90 miles from home and was totally dumbfounded to find myself in a city where the men call one another 'love' and sweets are 'spice'.

That's not the half of it. I am a smoker who likes the odd drink, eats the wrong kind of food and enjoys driving. That just about makes me public enemy number one. Luckily, I don't hunt. Otherwise I would have been quietly taken away in the middle of the night by now ...

Surely there are more important things to legislate about? So I assign the misplaced priorities of governments and politicians generally to Mordor.

I know, sometimes I feel guilty just for existing! I feel like investing in a hair shirt. Just be careful, soon swatting flies or killing the slugs in the garden will be counted as 'hunting' and you'll be fined! Which brings us right back to Insektenvernichtungsmittel. ;)

And I assign to Mordor that flaming shrink wrap packaging that they insist on shrouding CDs and DVDs in these days. Not even my trusty swiss army knife will deal with the stuff. Even worse are those plastic security tags which you have to remove to get to the CD, usually ruining the jewel case in the process. And as for why they always have to obscure half the track listings on the back of the CD with stupid labels, don't even go there.... Long gone are the days of examining record sleeves in the local record shop for hours on end. Just to add insult to injury, then they put copy protection on everything so you can't play it in all your DVD or CD players, despite the fact you've just spent £12 on it!!! Argh! Why can't laws be made about that kind of thing instead?

[littlemanpoet]

I assign the oux-des-calone one wheres while ryding on a slay oughver the snough awn a could wyntre's nicht. It ken bee moust disaudvauntayjus whilst autemptyng tue quiss wan's fair breid. :p

[Firefoot]

And I assign to Mordor that flaming shrink wrap packaging that they insist on shrouding CDs and DVDs in these days. Not even my trusty swiss army knife will deal with the stuff. Even worse are those plastic security tags which you have to remove to get to the CD, usually ruining the jewel case in the process. And as for why they always have to obscure half the track listings on the back of the CD with stupid labels, don't even go there.... Long gone are the days of examining record sleeves in the local record shop for hours on end. Just to add insult to injury, then they put copy protection on everything so you can't play it in all your DVD or CD players, despite the fact you've just spent £12 on it!!! Argh! Why can't laws be made about that kind of thing instead? Don't forget the horrible plastic-like stuff they wrap CD players/other small electronic devices in - the stuff that is impossible to open without ruining your scissors. :rolleyes: And once you get into it you still just can't rip it open because it's too tough. I hate that stuff. So packaging in general can probably just go to Mordor. Most of it is probably bad for the environment anyway, and there's not much in Mordor to kill...

[Lhunardawen]

And as for why they always have to obscure half the track listings on the back of the CD with stupid labels, don't even go there.... Ooh...*stops* Okay, I won't.


So packaging in general can probably just go to Mordor. Most of it is probably bad for the environment anyway, and there's not much in Mordor to kill...I guess I'll just have to continue popping those adorable bubble wraps in Mordor...

*skips off*

[Lhunardawen]

(I hope using that word won't get me lynched. :p)

Having to travel an hour or so for something that will take less than five minutes to accomplish.

Malfunctioning airconditioners in facilities that should be airconditioned. Have they no idea how intense the near-summer heat is?

Men (for lack of a more appropriate term) who wouldn't give their seats to pregnant women. I ended up giving mine (in the same non-airconditioned facility mentioned above) because I didn't mind standing anyway, and the "man" didn't so much as flush in embarrassment. :rolleyes: Must be an Orc in disguise.

[Valier]

I assign double lynching! I always seem to get lyched like this and I am always an Ordo.

[littlemanpoet]

Double lynching's already there. Go read the "Assigned to Mordor" rpg in The Shire forum. You'll find it.

[Mithalwen]

[QUOTE=Estelyn Telcontar]Insektenvernichtungsmittel - that's 26 letters, actually...

QUOTE]

das Insektenbekämpfungsmittel has 25 - at least most of the times I counted it ... no wonder the operas are so long :D .

I assign to Mordor anyone (and *gasp* some of them work at the BBC !) who pronounces "quarter" with a k sound not a "kw" sound. It irritates me - as does (and again the BBC employs repeat offenders) the incorrect use of titles. I know that will make me sound like a snob - it isn't to do with deference it is just wrong. So sad case that I am I wince when they refer to "Lord Sebastian Coe", "Princess Diana", " Lord Richard Attenborough" "Prime Minister Blair" ... but clearly no one cares any more(I think only M&S has a "nine items or fewer" till - bless them). This is perhaps extreme pedantry but it is part of a more worrying decline.

[JennyHallu]

I assign to Mordor anyone (and *gasp* some of them work at the BBC !) who pronounces "quarter" with a k sound not a "kw" sound.
Yay! I'm in Morder!!! I don't even properly articulate an "ar" sound or the "t"!

Korder! Korder! Korder!

Ok I say it right occasionally. But only when I'm feeling snobbish.

I think I should start a club...

Americans for the Casual Butchering of Queens English or ACBoQuE, to be pronounced...

um...

Howe'er you please!

[Valier]

Jenny I would definately be in that club! Ever say pellow instead of pillow or Grav instead of grab? I know, I know...*Smacks back of hand* I know the difference, but it just comes out that way!:smokin:

[Mithalwen]

Yay! I'm in Morder!!! I don't even properly articulate an "ar" sound or the "t"!

Korder! Korder! Korder!

Ok I say it right occasionally. But only when I'm feeling snobbish.

I think I should start a club...

Americans for the Casual Butchering of Queens English or ACBoQuE, to be pronounced...

um...

Howe'er you please!

I don't mind Americans doing it so much .... but I expect standard English from the "Today" programme. .... :p

[JennyHallu]

Did I ever tell you about my Mamaw and Papaw's farm? You drive down into the holler and over the crick...the road's about all warshed out, buchoo just stick yer truck down inta fore-weel drive and it'll run right on up thar!

Sorry, couldn't resist. But I do have a bad habit of talking like that when I'm feeling lazy. It's a Kentucky Hills/Appalachia accent I fall into, not the true southern drawl, but it's not that bad, just makes me sound like I was really lucky to graduate high-school, when I was in fact a National Merit Scholar in a national Forensics league (lots of public speaking).

In that vein Mithalwen, I assign poor grammar in the newspaper. I have far too many weaknesses of my own to assign pronunciation, although I have an evil tendency to laugh uproariously when the Southern girls on the newscasts down here let their careful Midwestern non-accents slip, but I can't STAND it when the newspaper is grammatically incorrect. The things are written on computers anymore anyway! Use Word's grammar check if you managed to get a degree in English or journalism without knowing how to write in that language!

[Formendacil]

In that vein Mithalwen, I assign poor grammar in the newspaper. I have far too many weaknesses of my own to assign pronunciation, although I have an evil tendency to laugh uproariously when the Southern girls on the newscasts down here let their careful Midwestern non-accents slip, but I can't STAND it when the newspaper is grammatically incorrect. The things are written on computers anymore anyway! Use Word's grammar check if you managed to get a degree in English or journalism without knowing how to write in that language!

No, no, no, Jenny!

That belongs in the Shire! There are few things more delicious than the smug feeling of superiority that comes of knowing that one's English is classier than that of a professional publication.

:p

On the other hand, the inability to proofread one's own work definitely belongs in Mordor. One really hesitates to point out other people's spelling mistakes, when one knows that his own always seem to pass him by...

[JennyHallu]

But stupid people don't amuse me...they annoy me. There are far too many of them already, and then they breed...

Oh, and while my brain is on the subject of newspapers, two more things to send Mordor-ward:

The gradual dumbing down of newspapers, magazines, and news broadcasts.

and...

The media bias. This is not because I'm conservative and the media's liberal. Ok, not entirely. This is because I want to be considered intelligent enough to decide my own political and philosophical views and interpretation of current events within my framework, rather than have somebody else's shoved down my throat. Especially when it's all in little words at a third-grade reading level.

Oh, and infotainment. You know, that recent tendency of the news media to report Britney's marital status and who got kicked off of American Idol as news of equal importance to the Hussein trial. Which, incidentally, I haven't seen even mentioned in a while.

*sigh* Those of you from places other than the US...is there a country you know of, with a really strong aviation industry, that treats its citizens like they're capable of making their own decisions?

[The Saucepan Man]

As one of SpM's signatures demonstrated, I glory in a language that has seven different ways to pronounce wourds ending in -ough (or is it 8?).You mean this one:

The dough-faced ploughboy coughed and hiccoughed his way through Loughborough. :D

Those of you from places other than the US...is there a country you know of, with a really strong aviation industry, that treats its citizens like they're capable of making their own decisions?Nope, not here. I refer you to one of my previous assignees:

Increasing state interference in the lives of individuals, such that we will soon only be allowed to eat, drink, smoke, hunt, speak out etc when, where and what the state tells us we can (if at all). :(

I assign to Mordor the temptation to chat when I should be discouraging it ... :rolleyes:

[littlemanpoet]

Jenny I would definately be in that club! Ever say pellow instead of pillow or Grav instead of grab? I know, I know...*Smacks back of hand* I know the difference, but it just comes out that way!:smokin:
You and Jenny are exhibiting Grimm's Law (http://www.encyclopedia.com/html/g/grimmsla.asp) and Verner's Law (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verner's_Law), which are fundamental to understanding how a lot of European languages work, including American varities of English. Yeah, sort of ivory tower maybe, but I find it fascinating.

[JennyHallu]

I assign not understanding a bit of the Verner's Law link LMP provided. And I still don't think it explains "warsh" and "holler", etc.

[littlemanpoet]

I assign not understanding a bit of the Verner's Law link LMP provided. And I still don't think it explains "warsh" and "holler", etc.
I shall explain in the vernacular. I call it "lazy tongue". The mouth always (unless you're German :p) finds the easiest way to say something. That way varies depending upon all kinds of factors.

Germans are by and large a rather exacting group of people. Lazy tongue appears to have worked in the opposite direction, and the entire language seems to have been afflicted (hee hee) with a case of over-working the tongue.

French, in contrast, is Latin overly affected by wine. (grin)

Brits as English speakers say most everything toward the front of their mouths, and they open their mouths tall. What I find also very fascinating is that Brits hang their jaws. By contrast, U.S. English speakers tend to clench. Clenching tends to force words further back in the mouth. It also forces vowel sounds to be expressed wide compared to tall.

I'm hard of hearing, so I've spent a lot of years watching people's mouths (reading lips). It's fascinating, and it was one of the main 'sports' I involved myself in when I visited England last September. English women (you may laugh if you like, but take a look next time) apparently develop the muscles between their lower lips and the bottom of their chin to an extent unheard of anywhere else in the speaking world. It just looks packed with thick tissue down there. Compare Keira Knightly to Lindsay Lohan sometime. I think they're about the same age. Then compare Emma Thompson to Laura Linney. Maybe you'll see what I mean.

Okay, that was a weird aside. Anyway, "lazy tongue" is largely responsible for consonants slipping from one place in the mouth to another. Thus, 'b' begins to slip to 'v', 'th' to 't', 't' do 'd', and so on. Those last two are very very prominent on the U.S. east coast: "Hey, lookit dat!" Or "Hey Lookidat!"

Link examples below for the "developed chin" weird aside:

Keira (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0461136/)

Lindsay (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0517820/)

Emma (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000668/) (who proves out that the older the female Brit, the more advanced the development)
Laura (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001473/)

Further examples:

Margaret (http://www.time.com/time/time100/leaders/profile/thatcher.html) ... especially the 20 June 1983 "Time" cover.

Laura B. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laura_Bush)

Well? Can you see the differences?

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

LMP: neat.

I assign forgetting about an important assignment while budgeting your time, only to be reminded just as you thought you were almost done with your work.

And I assign the sorts of aches and pains that you're not supposed to get until you're old. Like... you know... 40ish. :p I'm only 18! I don't want to hobble around on a knee that gives out or have my jaw ache to the point that I can't chew mac'n'cheese or have my elbow hurt so much I can't unbend it because of the damp, chill air of an Upstate spring!

[Eldar14]

I assign average case Big-O analysis.

Best case and worst case are fine, and even sometimes fun, but average case is the worst of orcseys.

Oh, and I assign weekends when professors decide to assign extra homework AND my parents decide to come to town and hang out all day. Yay for starting 6 hours of homework 3 hours before midnight!

[Formendacil]

I assign to Mordor the realization that there is nothing left in your hometown to stay for...

No, I don't mean I won't miss my family. I will- a lot. And I'll miss my parish as much, if not more...

But there is something awful, something painful, about realizing that there is no one remotely near your own age who will miss you- or that you will really miss- if you move away.

Oh, there's lot of people I like to hang out with, and lots of people I like- but the realization that your entire past year has been spent largely as a recluse, and that when you move away, the odds are that the people you hang out with now will see you about as often come then: once or twice a month.

I don't know... that doesn't sound the way it does in my head. So let me simplify: I assign to Mordor the moment when it dawns on you that you won't miss your hometown- your beloved hometown. That there's nothing tying you down...

It's an incredibly lonely feeling...

[Cailín]

I don't know... that doesn't sound the way it does in my head. So let me simplify: I assign to Mordor the moment when it dawns on you that you won't miss your hometown- your beloved hometown. That there's nothing tying you down...

It's an incredibly lonely feeling...

You have no idea how much I sympathise. But such is freedom. :)

[Mithalwen]

I assign not having to buy a card and present for Mothering Sunday. :(

[Thinlómien]

I assign people who say "a very good point" or "a nice thread" and then don't rep you. It takes them a few seconds or something and it gives great joy to the receiver.

I know I complain for stupid things - and I'm greedy - but if people appreciate my posts I'd gladly see them thank me more concretically....

(Oooh... green boxes... like emeralds....) ;)

[JennyHallu]

I agree with you completely. An excellent point. ;) :rolleyes:

[Thinlómien]

I agree with you completely. An excellent point. ;) :rolleyes: Oh no, Jenny, now you're in Mordor and will stay there - unless someone assigns you to the Shire... ;)

[littlemanpoet]

I assign depression. It comes from Mordor anyway. I'm convinced of it. .... that black, oozing smear of befogged blah and moroseness that you actually start taking pleasure in because it begins to feel good to pity oneself. Poisoned flowers of doom, those. Ick. To Mordor away!

[Thinlómien]

I assign depression. It comes from Mordor anyway. I'm convinced of it. .... that black, oozing smear of befogged blah and moroseness that you actually start taking pleasure in because it begins to feel good to pity oneself. Poisoned flowers of doom, those. Ick. To Mordor away! On your birthday? Poor man. May you have a happier day from now on!

[JennyHallu]

I'm already in Mordor, thanks to Mithalwen. I pronounce quarter incorrectly. Purists!

EDIT: LMP, I know exactly what you're talking about and I wish I knew how to combat it...my husband is the only one who can snap me out of that kind of funk. I suggest putt-putt. And ice cream. And a walk in the park, to see how lovely the world looks in early spring.

Especially if you can use your birthday to ensure you pay for nothing. ;)

[Kath]

I assign forgetting people's birthdays!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY lmp! *party hats, cake, candles!*

Also, hotmail's decision not to send me emails from this site. How will I keep up! :rolleyes:

[JennyHallu]

I assign Daylight Savings Time. And I will probably assign Daylight Savings Time several times this week, so bear with me.

[Eonwe]

When you're thinking of something really really fun to do, that you really want to do, and then you forget about it. Then you spend 45 minutes trying to remeber what it was that was so fun... :( :rolleyes: :confused:

[Encaitare]

I don't know... that doesn't sound the way it does in my head. So let me simplify: I assign to Mordor the moment when it dawns on you that you won't miss your hometown- your beloved hometown. That there's nothing tying you down...

It's an incredibly lonely feeling...

That does sound a little sad... but on to bigger and better things, right? :)

I think there should be a BarrowDowns town -- it'd be incredibly nerdy, but quite lovely. A little Tolkien utopia, if you will. I therefore assign the lack of such a thing.

[Eldar14]

I assign 2nd hour class. It's really early, so I don't want to wake up and eat breakfast before. But it ends about ten minutes after breakfast ends.

Actually, I guess I assign whomever decided the schedule for the dining hall, and decided that those of us who have second hour class should just go before.

[Farael]

I assign my university's library site being down right when I need to find information about the virulence of Syphilis and HOPEFULLY find something about the virulence of Neurosyphilis.

I also assign my presentation about Syphilis, but to be sent on Saturday as I need to present on Friday. My partner can get shipped to Mordor ASAP.

[Lalwendë]

I assign to Mordor the grottier, busier parts of London, namely Oxford Street and Piccadilly Circus. I can't understand the attraction myself. The shops there are identical to the shops in other towns in the UK but more hectic. Why do people want to go into chain store hell and suffer for the privilege? And the coffee shops? Starbucks? That wants to go to Mordor too for the prices they charge. Stray just a little from the beaten path in London and you will find some amazing places, such as Soho, Bloomsbury and Covent Garden (not the Piazza though, which is also uninspiring), which are filled with unusual shops, independent cafes and proper pubs.

Plus, Shaftesbury Avenue has nerd central shopping heaven, AKA Forbidden Planet and Orcs' Nest. Bring many pennies...

And while I'm on my rant, I wish people would remember that in the UK we like to form orderly lines at every opportunity. ;)

And there's more... I send to Mordor the business owners who decide it's OK to rip off visitors who don't know the value of the Pound. £4 for a dish of soup?! And £20 for a bus tour when you can get a number 15 right from Hyde Park to the Tower for £1.50?

[Mithalwen]

And while I'm on my rant, I wish people would remember that in the UK we like to form orderly lines at every opportunity. ;)

And there's more... I send to Mordor the business owners who decide it's OK to rip off visitors who don't know the value of the Pound. £4 for a dish of soup?! And £20 for a bus tour when you can get a number 15 right from Hyde Park to the Tower for £1.50?

That is the same in many major cities with sky high overheads. In Barcelona I paid about 4Euros for the equivalent of a one day travel card rather than E20 for a hop on/off bus trip. Some people are prepared to pay for convenience. Otherwise a little research and a decent guidebook can save you a fortune. And they charge nearly that for soup in the very ordinary pub round the corner from me. Though while any one would ever want to drink soup beats me ..... now if you want to send soup to Mordor....

[the guy who be short]

I will have you know that soup is considered an holy substance amongst the bebraced.

[Mithalwen]

I will have you know that soup is considered an holy substance amongst the bebraced.


Amongst the what? Anything that can't decide whether it is food or drink is probably holy only to the toothless...

[Formendacil]

Amongst the what? Anything that can't decide whether it is food or drink is probably holy only to the toothless...

Bebraced: people with braces- who tend to get food stuck in their teeth.

[Mithalwen]

Bebraced: people with braces- who tend to get food stuck in their teeth.


Oh - dental braces .. not the things for holding trousers up then? I was very confused...

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I assign the word "bebraced" and the way I couldn't figure out what a 'beb-ruh-sed" was for the longest time.

[Lalaith]

You can send Oxford Street to Mordor, Lalwende, as long as I get to take John Lewis off it first....

[The 1,000 Reader]

I assign people who don't stop and try to think about things to Mordor.

[Lhunardawen]

I don't know... that doesn't sound the way it does in my head. So let me simplify: I assign to Mordor the moment when it dawns on you that you won't miss your hometown- your beloved hometown. That there's nothing tying you down...

Try straying four whole years from your (beloved optional) hometown and coming back to realize that it doesn't really feel like "home" anymore. I haven't talked to my neighborhood friends for more than five years already, and sometimes it feels as if we never really knew each other. And mostly I think it's my fault for studying far away from home...

[the guy who be short]

I assign the word "bebraced" and the way I couldn't figure out what a 'beb-ruh-sed" was for the longest time.Come now. You don't want this to blow up into another debate on language do you?

I assign the uncommonness of the prefix be-. It's wonderful to pronounce. It should exist more often.

[JennyHallu]

Oh, but Daga'y, I like debates on language.

Business trips that take husbands away for a whole week are hereby beMordered.

[Cailín]

The temporary malfunctioning of the brain, as illustrated below:

Apartheid is bad. It still existed very recently. And then it went away. Everyone was happy. Well, not exactly. But things were / are definitely looking up. Oh yeah, it´s in South Africa. And it was all our fault. But maybe we can somehow blame the French for it. Or the Americans.

Someday soon I shall assign myself to Mordor. :(

[Celuien]

The temporary malfunctioning of the brain...
Ah, you aren't alone there Cailín. I've been persuaded to play in a fundraiser concert next month and have to write my biography for it. It looks like this:
/Insert my real name here/ (Class of 2007), is really quite boring and couldn't come up with anything interesting to say about herself, but decided to say it anyway because she had to write a biography for this program. She plays the viola and on occasion the piano. [Celuien] doesn't really know what she wants to be when she grows up, but is leaning strongly towards a career in ophthalmology. Or maybe radiology…
Pathetic.

[Cailín]

Celuien, you cheer me up. :D

Uh... uh... to stay on topic... I assign unidentified boxershorts. Gross.

[Celuien]

Celuien, you cheer me up. :D
Glad to hear it. :)

Ahem. To return to topic, I assign being so horribly out of practice on my viola that just playing for an hour or two makes my hand sore and achy. And being like that with a concert on April 23... :eek:

[Kath]

*sigh* Psychology essays. It's the last day of term tomorrow and what does my psych teacher demand we do? A full blown exam question :( Worst thing is I know I'll distract myself (e.g. this post) and not get to bed until 2am and yet . . . I'm still here!

[Valier]

I send myself to Mordor!!! Modding ww is not as easy as it seems! Mods, I have learned should not bluff to make the game more interesting.:eek: ;)

[Orominuialwen]

I assign Nationals for robotics being on the same day as the State French Pronunciation Contest. I qualified for State and my team qualified for Nationals and there's no way (unless someone invents a teleportation device before April 29th, 2006) that I can be in both Atlanta, Georgia and Lacrosse, Wisconsin on the same morning. Argh! :( :mad: :(

[Celuien]

People who not only don't appreciate your help, but actively try to make things difficult for you because you've tried to help them should go to Mordor. :(

Said behavior is giving me one of those Mordorian depressed moods. Ick.

And now I'm thinking of re-assigning myself to Mordor because I feel guilty about being upset by this.

Oh well. It's springtime. That should give me an excuse to go to the Shire and forget about all of this nonsense.

[Naria]

I assign surgery wait lists....ugh, I hate them soooo much :mad:

[JennyHallu]

I assign mornings upon which the weather conspires to blanket this city in a stifling layer of sulphuric stench emanating from the paper manufactory. It makes my nose burn, smells like sewage, and there is no escape as the city lies in a river valley.

[Kath]

I assign round robin forward things that are completely impersonal (albeit quite nice). Apparently it's National Friendship Week, so this email is going round saying send this to all your friends so they know they're special.

Don't you think it would be more special to send them something personalised? Or to actually go and see them if possible, or to ring them, or even to IM them?

It just seems like it's an easy measure.

[JennyHallu]

While we're at it, can I assign the feeling of guilt when you get one of those from...say...your mother-in-law. And you delete it as soon as you realize what it is...

[Eonwe]

Lets just have done with it an assign all worthless chain emails, spam, and junk emails... :rolleyes:

[Mithalwen]

People who give you too much information about their medical conditions / treatments. It's not that I am unsympathetic... ok maybe it is... but save it for your doctor - they went to medical school for years and get paid lots of money for that privilege :D

[Lalwendë]

You can send Oxford Street to Mordor, Lalwende, as long as I get to take John Lewis off it first....

Too late! :( But we have a perfectly good one in Sheffield, even though it does remind you of Grace Brothers. I once nearly went to work at the London branch too, but I decided to remain provincial. ;)

I assign to Mordor all forms of tidying up, reorganising the house and that spring urge to pick up tools and do DIY! You just want your house to look nice and tidy but in the process it is just one huge tip, and just to add insult to injury, you also have to go shopping in B&Q and IKEA (and have to be dragged away from buying more lovely, soft cushions...though the trip was enlivened by seeing ABBA Herrings in the Sweden shop). Then you have to sit up until 1am assembling flat pack and retuning your entire home entertainment set up which has gone wrong due to having to be unplugged. This hurts all the more as it is keeping me from the garden during an unusual sunny spell. :(

[Orominuialwen]

Too late! :( But we have a perfectly good one in Sheffield, even though it does remind you of Grace Brothers. I once nearly went to work at the London branch too, but I decided to remain provincial.
Would you be speaking of Grace Brothers from Are You Being Served? I absolutely love that show, but unfortunately the very evil Wiscinsin Public Television keeps taking it off the air or changing the time it's on. One of my earliest memories is of my parents watching Are You Being Served? and especially of Mrs. Slocum's ever-changing hair. :D But I think this discussion belongs more in the Shire than Mordor...


College junk mail. I get tons of it in the regular mail every day and a fairly steady stream through e-mail. Almost all of it is from places I've never heard of and don't want to go to. Not to mention the enormous amount of paper wasted on mail I don't even open.

On a similar note, junkmail for senior pictures. I seem to be getting a bunch of this lately too. Fortunately, my best friend's aunt is a photographer and is willing to barter with me for pictures, so I don't have to pay any of those exorbitant prices!

Realizing I'll be getting back from Nationals for robotics (a 1,000+ mile drive) the night before I have not one, but two AP tests. :eek: I'm dead. The only good part about that situation is that the tests (English and French) are ones I would be able to take again next year without too much studying.

[littlemanpoet]

The ubiquity of "bling" may be beMordored. 'Nuff said.

[Kath]

Stupid doctors.

"So, what seems to be the problem?"

"I can't breathe you moron."

"Ah, well, let's see. No there's nothing wrong here."

*Tears hair out in frustration*

[Mithalwen]

Catalogues that seem to think that buying clothes should be a quasi- religious experience. I mean I like to shop as much as the next girl but a teeshirt with a bit of ribbon is not enough to provoke Teresa d'Avila style rapture.....shoes and handbags might though ;)

[Lhunardawen]

"Hollaback."

Annoying "word," that. :rolleyes:


Someday soon I shall assign myself to Mordor. :(I shall be ready with a big "Welcome to Mordor, Cailín!" banner, and we'll be feasting on soda and white chocolate. :D

[Eonwe]

Tornado warnings that wake up up in the middle of the night. Well, not the warnings, but the waking up part... :rolleyes:

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

When a routine print job turns into an hour long adventure. Easy enough... mail myself the file, cross campus to my room, print it, go back. But noooo, my computer won't support PDFs. Quick run to the library to convert it to a JPG, but the mac lab is full. Sneak in because I NEED a mac for this; the file won't open. Finally get it open, it's the wrong size. Finally get it converted, resend it, get back to print, realize my printer's out of ink. Track down somebody that's around, anybody, please anybody? Somebody be here? I left my food in the studio... I want my scone. My latte is cold now and I need to print this and go get the photo emulsion stuff ready. Find somebody, beg use of her printer, and do you realize how long it takes to print a photo image on transparency at photo quality?

Now that was an adventure and my teacher's going to flip her lid when I finally get back since I've been gone since about 10:00. Mordor, Mordor, Mordor.

Edit: throw in the accidental inhalation of volatile chemicals. Oops. Coughing and aching lungs probably aren't a good thing.

[Encaitare]

The aptly named "Hell Week" -- a.k.a. the last week before a performance of a play/musical, in this case, Les Miserables. This is the first time I've been involved in a school play, and I've heard tell of Hell Week and witnessed the weariness and misery of my friends who are in drama, but now I'm finally living it for myself. It's only Tuesday and already I'm beat -- and I'm just in the pit orchestra!

Even so, it's ever so much fun. :D

[Lhunardawen]

Worrying about things when they are already out of your control. Simply put: grades.

It's like getting to the final two of Survivor and only realizing how rotten you have been all those 38 days when you're already in front of the jury. :rolleyes:

[Cailín]

I shall be ready with a big "Welcome to Mordor, Cailín!" banner, and we'll be feasting on soda and white chocolate.

Then I shall definitely know I am in Mordor, as both those things are equally unappealing. Still, I appreciate the gesture. :)

I failed theoretical grammar. I am more preoccupied with flirting with my group members than actually writing my research. I have no time for the Downs and yet I am here.

Mordor, here I come.

[Iris Alantiel]

I assign my Fantasy professor, who lectures on Tolkien without knowing anything about him and then labels him as racist, sexist, and simplistic, and who makes us regurgitate pointless things on our exams (like publication dates or minor moments between unimportant characters from books we read eight months ago). To Mordor with thee, fiend!

[Valier]

ewww, ewww, ewww. I am sending the most disgusting stuff ever to Mordor. It is called Sen-Sen. I hate it soooo much!!! I smells like soap and black licorice, which is so gross! My Sister-in-law was eating some the other day and decided to blow the gross stench my way. MEANIE!!! I should send her to Mordor maybe....;) No ok I can't do that...I love her too much to subject her to Mordor.:rolleyes: But still, it does make me gag...so eeewwwwww!

[Celuien]

People who assume that families choosing to homeschool their children must be freakish mistfits or evil child-abusers. Especially including the very shaded news coverage that sometimes appears with regard to homeschoolers.

Though it's rather fun when someone makes that comment to me (assuming that I couldn't possibly be one of the crazy people in that oddball movement) and I get to look at them with a deadpan face and say, "But I was homeschooled for most of elementary through high school." That usually sets them backpedaling in a hurry.

[JennyHallu]

I was homeschooled starting in seventh grade, and continuing through high school.

My husband thinks homeschooling is a bad idea (not going to go into that further). Can I assign his attitude towards it?

[Celuien]

My husband thinks homeschooling is a bad idea (not going to go into that further). Can I assign his attitude towards it?
Sure can.

I don't have a problem with logical, reasoned opposition because I can understand why this isn't for everyone. But the (absurd) idea that anyone who chooses to homeschool is crazy annoys me. There were very good reasons behind my parents' decision, and I'm grateful for it.

I was homeschooled starting in seventh grade, and continuing through high school.
I started pretty much from the beginning (after a bad experience with the local elementary school) and continued until 10th grade, when I started to take college courses along with high school work. Bunsen burners didn't work well in our basement. :rolleyes:

[Formendacil]

I must agree with Celuien: anti-homeschooling advocates are bigoted, lacking the facts, prejudiced, and should be sent to Mordor.

Look at me! I turned out fine!

(Okay, maybe I'm a bad example... :p )

[Lalaith]

I assign magic wands.

Not the Gandalf/Hogwarts kind, the kitchen implements intended, allegedly, to aid the busy cook.

A few years back, I assigned mine to the back of the cupboard (Mordor more or less) after a nasty finger-in-blade mishap, which I concur was partly caused by my own idiocy.

I just extracted it from its hiding place, thinking it would help me in my ambitious attempts to make consomme. The hideous state of my recently cleaned, now soup-splattered kitchen, shows just how wrong I was.

[Farael]

I assign (in the following order)

Microorganisms: Pathogens and some resident microbiota, symbionts and helpful microbes that are not exactly symbiotic can stay, but better not be opportunistic pathogens or else they get shipped to hang out with the Dark Lord.

Antibiotics: But only after the Microorganisms are gone... if not, we'll need them

Exams: Specially those that require you memorize a lot of fancy sounding words like beta-lactam ring and topoisomerase

And finally, home schooled people: No, not because they are all nutcases... to be honest, I had never heard about homeschooled people before a downer told me about it *slight blush* but I dont care... what I do care is that I see some of the coolest downers are home schooled... and I've been assigned to Mordor a couple times over, so I wouldn't mind the company :D

[Firefoot]

My library. Or, maybe not the library, but whoever the librarian is that orders the books. It drives me crazy when they only have two books in a trilogy or half the books in a series. I don't even understand how this happens, especially when the book that is missing is the first or in the middle. Can't they just buy them all at the same time?? It's incredibly hard to read a series of books when they're not all available. If you want to read it, you have to go and buy it, and a) I read too much to buy many books except the ones that I really do like, or don't have at all at the library, and b) when you don't have your own means of transportation, it can be a while before you get out to the bookstore...

[Encaitare]

Today I assign:

1. Friends who often ditch you for other people/significant other and only talk to you to tell you what a great time they're having with these other people/how wonderful the significant other is.

2. When you're reeeeeally tired and people keep asking you questions.

3. Also, when you're trying to read a book and people interrupt you.

4. I believe I've already assigned liking someone who doesn't like you back. Now I shall assign being liked by someone whom you do not fancy. It's not fun because it prevents you from being friends with the person. Maybe relationships in general should be banished to the fires of Mount Doom.

Not that I'm speaking from any personal experience, of course. :rolleyes:

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Maybe relationships in general should be banished to the fires of Mount Doom.
Hey wait, 'Cai, no... none of that. :)

[JennyHallu]

Yes...we likeses our relationships. And our ring...our precioussss...which...

Crap. Which we forgot to put back on after making meatloaf last night. To Mordor with absentmindedness and waking up with just enough time to get out of the house dressed in matching clothes, much less actually remember all the things you told yourself not to forget the night before.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Computer crashes the day before the biggest project of your life (okay, exaggeration, but still) is due. When you discover a nasty virus corrupting your entire system and are told that if you can't get rid of it, your memory is going to have to get wiped, and you've already received an extension on your papers, but they're on your computer as well as a few hundred other word documents, a few thousand pictures (because your camera is your best friend)...

That sort of thing made for a very unhappy Fea this afternoon for several hours before a very common-sensical someone made her feel like a complete idiot by pointing out "Uninstall THEN delete."

[Eonwe]

Taxes! Not taxes themselves, but the process of filling out the forms, doing the worksheets, addressings envelopes, checking to make sure you got everything, making sure you did them all right, mailing them off, crossing you fingers and hoping you didn't do any of it wrong... :rolleyes: Its a bit stressful, to say the least...

The fact that they took off that TeleTax service, that helped me do mine last year in about 5 minutes.

Procrastination... :rolleyes: :p

[the guy who be short]

I will take a break from Tomb Raiding to assign the Dreaded Windows Button of Doom to Mordor.

Why? Why must it be betwixt "jump" and "fire" on the Tomb-Raiding keyboard?

[JennyHallu]

People who put political comments into fora where they are totally irrelevant. And the escalator: Assigned to Orodruin :eek:: when those comments don't even display much grasp of the laws and/or issues involved in their subject.

[Lalwendë]

Here's something for Mordor...

I had just finished up a gardening session today and I was sitting having a nice quiet smoke as I surveyed my work. The garden is a sunken one, with a big white 8 foot wall holding in the next garden up the hill. I heard a faint oozing sound coming from the wall, and then to my horror through a tiny gap came a huge long worm, which wriggled out, the oozing sound getting louder, then landed with a big wet plop behind the rose bush.

EYUW! :eek:

[The 1,000 Reader]

I assign to Mordor people who don't even consider what can come from their actions.

Ex: Creating an art thread for their stories when all of their stories are composed of porn, on a community that had just ridden itself of a scandal no less.

Seriously, that's just twisted and wrong. (If this subject somehow breaks the rules, sorry.)

I also assign people who stray from their main foundations in arguements to shaky, false foundations. When, say, supporting a character from a book, use actual facts, not the essence of fanfiction or far-fetched possibilites. I've seen this at least 50 times all over the sites I go to.

[Diamond18]

I also assign people who stray from their main foundations in arguements to shaky, false foundations. When, say, supporting a character from a book, use actual facts, not the essence of fanfiction or far-fetched possibilites. I've seen this at least 50 times all over the sites I go to.

And I assign those who take all that far too seriously and forget that characters from a book are not real to begin with. ;)

[Diamond18]

People who assume that families choosing to homeschool their children must be freakish mistfits or evil child-abusers. Especially including the very shaded news coverage that sometimes appears with regard to homeschoolers.

Some of those news spots are just downright hilarious. Especially when the voiceover intones in some sinister voice "What is going on behind closed doors?" Um... goat sacrifice. Yeah. And incest. Simultaneously.

Anyway, in short, I heartily second this motion.

[Mithalwen]

Bank Holiday traffic.

I know I am incredibly lucky to live in a beautiful area where people want to come on holiday, and it brings money into the area - but if you are not on holiday and trying to get on with day to day life a line of caravans and 4x4s filling the roads to the limit of mortal sight is terrifying.

[The 1,000 Reader]

And I assign those who take all that far too seriously and forget that characters from a book are not real to begin with. ;)

In turn, I assign those who make a non-Middle-Earth survivor in Middle-Earth mirth to Mordor as well. ;)

Then there's the fact that the character they backed was almost not even given a name by their creator because they were a shadow in the background. :rolleyes:

[Celuien]

I assign my inability to properly pronounce the sound represented by 'll.'

This may seem unimportant for someone living in Pennsylvania, but it's actually significant hereabouts because a lot of place/street names incorporate the sound.

For instance, if I scan my regional street map I find:

Llanerch
Llandaff
Llanwellyn
Llewellyn
Llanfair

I know it's not correct, but the ll tends to be treated as a lengthened single l. Just as the place named Bala Cynwyd is misprounced here as Bala Cin-wid. I have a feeling I've been misprouncing Bryn Mawr, Bryn Athyn and Gwynedd too. :rolleyes:

[Diamond18]

Today I would like to assign:

People who post in the middle of werewolf games that they are not a part of.

People who think that Tolkien's minor works are not worthy of attention on a site devoted to Tolkien.

Poor losers.

[Farael]

Today I would like to assign:

People who post in the middle of werewolf games that they are not a part of.

Poor losers.
Why do I keep on being assigned to Mordor?

Today I assign winds from the north (when you live in the north hemisphere) or the south (when you live in the south hemisphere)... namely, winds from the pole. And specially if you live in the prairies on Canada.... those northern winds can be a killer.

[Diamond18]

Why do I keep on being assigned to Mordor?

I wasn't talking about you, Farael. :p

[Mithalwen]

I assign my inability to properly pronounce the sound represented by 'll.'

This may seem unimportant for someone living in Pennsylvania, but it's actually significant hereabouts because a lot of place/street names incorporate the sound.



Oh I think it is rather wonderful that you have Welsh place names but the "wet l" is hard - rather like a cat sneezing I think... however, having observed how the French place names in the States are pronounced - I am surprised that the Welsh ones have retained a more authentic pronunciation.

[Celuien]

Oh I think it is rather wonderful that you have Welsh place names but the "wet l" is hard - rather like a cat sneezing I think... however, having observed how the French place names in the States are pronounced - I am surprised that the Welsh ones have retained a more authentic pronunciation.
It is nice to have Welsh names here, even if I can't get the wet l. I read somewhere that the proper sound is made by positioning for an l and blowing. :eek: I've never heard it due to the prevalence of using a longer ordinary l. And we lose the clear y too.

French. I know what you mean. ;)

[The 1,000 Reader]

Today I would like to assign:

People who post in the middle of werewolf games that they are not a part of.

People who think that Tolkien's minor works are not worthy of attention on a site devoted to Tolkien.

Poor losers.

Exception being of course if they were simply jesting about how many games have sprung up in under a year and then tried to see if they could make up for offending the players.

Second exception being that this site revolves around the works of Middle-Earth, and unfortunately not the other pieces of fine literature.

Insults with fake pity in them...seems rather mordorian, doesn't it? ;)

[littlemanpoet]

It is nice to have Welsh names here, even if I can't get the wet l. I read somewhere that the proper sound is made by positioning for an l and blowing. :eek: I've never heard it due to the prevalence of using a longer ordinary l. And we lose the clear y too.Isn't the Welsh 'll' proncounced more or less, 'tl'?

French. I know what you mean.
Des Moines, Iowa is 'Duhmoyn'

Du Bois, Pennsylvania is 'Dooboyz'. I made a point of asking last time I was through...

Des Plaines, Illinois is 'Deplane'

:rolleyes:

[Elu Ancalime]

Nazis, popups, evil sports teams, coughfsucough, and shows like Date My Mom and Next.
________
Lee iacocca (http://www.ford-wiki.com/wiki/Lee_Iacocca)

[Lalwendë]

I assign whoever has been nicking my post! I've not received a lot of important mail the past few weeks, including hospital appointment letters, council tax letters, student loan stuff and worst of all, my parents' Easter card! I know it's been put through the wrong letter box as we get next door's post - so I suspect the weirdo next door has been keeping it!

And I also assign "him next door" as he had a go at davem the other night for walking across the dining room 'too loudly' and then threatened him. He daren't say anything to me because I know too many dodgy things about him and will get him into trouble. :D

[Celuien]

Isn't the Welsh 'll' proncounced more or less, 'tl'?
That would make things easier. :)

The instructions from the guide I found produce a sound like Mith's sneezing cat. :D

ll
Put your tongue in the position for "l" and blow out.
(The course website (http://www.cs.cf.ac.uk/fun/welsh/Welsh.html))


(Still can't get it to work...)

[Lalwendë]

I'm assigning the lack of inherent danger involved in modern kids' board games.

We have a mini-Buckaroo here, got from an Easter egg. But it just does not kick like I thought it would. I was having excited visions of little plastic cowboy hats and saddles and things flying off at speeds of 100mph plus and embedding themselves in the wall, but it just kind of slides off.

Anyway, I had a rummage in the cellar head and found my old 1970s Perfection (http://www.vintage-toybox.co.uk/?p=product&key=0512016469) . Marvellous. When this baby blows up it nearly takes your eyes out! :eek: Plus it reduces you to a nervous wreck as the timer is so loud! Gameboys? Pah! You don't know the meaning of danger! ;)

[the guy who be short]

Indian Weddings. Several Days. Bank Holidays. Coursework! Boredom.

Physics Coursework. I don't care about standing waves. I doubt I ever will.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Pessimistic and critical relatives of the elderly generation that lecture you when you visit them.

[Diamond18]

Heh heh heh... have a good Easter there, Fea? :)

I would like to assign shopping for blue jeans -- or rather, pants and skirts and shorts really anything for my lower half in general. It's so much easier to buy clothes for the upper half. But clothing manufacturers seem to operate under the delusion that everyone is six feet tall and have no buttocks.

Which means that I also want to assign people who are six feet tall and have no buttocks. :p (Sorry for the repeated use of the b word but I was watching a Monty Python skit about a man with three buttocks last night and I just... can't... help it.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Heh heh heh... have a good Easter there, Fea? :)
Mmm... The never-ending grandma-rant. Doesn't everyone love holidays where they sit and politely listen to my grandmother criticize everything they've worked themselves near to death on over the past year? I know I do... :rolleyes:

Ah, and I assign paperwork. FAFSA is kicking my butt right now and it's got something to do with a password that I don't remember.

[Lalaith]

Feeling Diamond's pain.

Also assigned - this season's footwear fashions. Things have come to a pretty pass when a woman with a reasonable income living in one of the world's biggest cities, can find no outlet for her shoe passion - because everything in the shops comes in only boring black or frumpy beige and is quite, quite hideous.

[Diamond18]

Shoes! Yes, I forgot to mention the shoes!

Assigned most heartily: Shoe manufacturers and stores that operate under the delusion that everyone goes by the name of Cinderella. Seriously, everything so dang narrow and if I want to find something that fits it almost always looks like something my grandmother should be wearing. I must have hobbit feet.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Candy that melts and Mass (church) services in tents.

Melted candy is bad, messy candy.

Mass in tents is typically hot and/or humid unless it's in the early morning. Even then, you're still rather grogy and it might be dark. Good thing I prepared against these things for Easter by putting the candy in the shade (and then fridge) and being inside the church.

[Lalwendë]

Obviously over the 'pond' you do Easter much better than we do it here, because a UK Easter is something I am sending to Mordor. Ever since childhood I have found it utterly tedious. Even chocolate doesn't really make it any better because I've not got that much of a sweet tooth so I just feel nauseous if I go down the comfort eating route. The only tiny chink of light is the fact I can have some freebie days off work.

As a child I spent every Easter sitting in the family caravan on top of a Yorkshire moor, shivering and listening to the incessant rain thundering down on the tin roof above. I would think of all the great TV I'd be missing, such as The Muppet Show Special or double editions of Starsky and Hutch. The TV was only switched on for the news as we had to save the battery, being there for four days instead of the usual two.

Later there would be a game of I-spy or some other attempt to alleviate tedium, and you'd wish you had your new toys to play with, that been left at home as there wasn't room in the car for them. If the rain stopped you might get to go and play on the roundabout with some other kids but then you'd get done when you got in as you'd be plastered in mud.

Now when you are grown up the tedium has not abated. You live just 10 miles from lovely places like Chatsworth but know that if you dare get the car out to go, you will spend most of the day in a stress inducing traffic jam that runs five miles out of Bakewell and then not be able to park in any case. Either that or your walk will be disturbed by hordes of families on holiday, shouting, yelling and pushing you off footpaths as they haul 15 prams and buggies halfway up Mam Tor.

Your other option is to submit to the traditional UK Easter celebration of going to B&Q, where some oik will dent your car as he slams his van door into your car, a mother will screech your ears out as she yells at her kids, and you will wait for 15 minutes at the checkout only for a surly girl chewing gum to shut it down as your turn comes around.

Easter Sunday is the worst of all. Nothing on TV as the schedulers believe everyone will be on holiday, nothing open, and what is open is too busy to go to. So you decide to cook a huge meal which ends up in you lying on the sofa all evening in a bloated, uncomfortable heap in front of some tedious granny drama like Heartbeat. Then you wake up on Easter Monday and start feeling miserable about having to go back to work next day.

At least Christmas is enlivened by the decorations and presentses. :(

The only way to make yourself feel better is to have a misanthropic rant about it. ;)

[Kath]

Not being able to work out if you're too hot or too cold. It's most irritating.

Oh and geography coursework combined with chronic procrastination. Really, really, really not a good mix. The 19th is looming steadily :(

[the guy who be short]

Oh and geography coursework combined with chronic procrastination. Really, really, really not a good mix. The 19th is looming steadilyInteresting. You have the same deadline as me. I shall assign coursework deadlines JUST after Easter (literally my first day back) meaning that the holiday is more or less a coursework-fest.

I will also assign the idiocy of choosing - of our own free will - to take such stupid subjects as Geography and Physics. Why would we subject ourselves to such misery?

I also assign chronic pessimism. :p

[Kath]

Geography itself is fine, it's the coursework elements that are less fun. Catch me later and tell me what you're doing, I'm a year ahead so may be of some assistance.

While I'm here I'd like to assign having no sense of time whatsoever. It's lucky I made no specific appointments today, I'd have been late for, or simply not gone to, all of them!

[Orominuialwen]

Scary freak accidents that involve lots of blood and are so awful that you have to put your head between your knees just to keep from fainting when hearing about them over the phone. (My dad slipped on the tile floor in the kitchen on Sunday and impaled his hand an a kitchen knife when he grabbed for the counter to keep from falling. He's doing better now, but still can't really use his right hand.)

[Lalaith]

Oh lord, how ghastly.
*waves of sympathy to Orominuialwen pere*

[Firefoot]

and impaled his hand an a kitchen knife I wasn't reading closely and at first I thought it said "head" :eek: ... thank goodness it wasn't that!

Downers whose nicknames or shortened forms are the same, because it gets confusing - for example, both Lalaith and Lalwende go by Lal, and Orophaniel and Orominuialwen both go by Oro (although I haven't seen the former around for a while).

[Celuien]

...impaled his hand an a kitchen knife...
That's awful. :(
Glad he's doing better. Pass along another sympathy wave from here.

...

I assign the sound of pointy metal objects scraping over tooth enamel in the dentist's office. It's almost worse than the achy, bleeding gums left afterwards. Almost.

But I think dentist visits in general have already been assigned to Mordor.

[Lhunardawen]

A sympathetic pat on the back from here, Oromin.

Anyways, I conassign the number e. As if integrals aren't hard enough - it has to pop in and complicate things even further!

[JennyHallu]

I'm going to give a sympathetic smile-and-nod combo so as not to flaunt my pretty and uninjured hands.

I like e, Lhuna, it's useful!

I assign that ability your parents have to make you feel guilty, no matter how old you are or what they're talking about.

[Kath]

Hope your dad is doing ok Oromin, that's just nasty.

Jenny, I assign you, you like maths!

[the guy who be short]

I too must speak out in defense of the number e. Whilst it is annoying and difficult to learn how to integrate it and differentiate it, I'm sure it is very useful...

Come on! There must be some use for it!

Ok, maybe not.


I assign being given stupid amounts of work when we should be revising.

Also, the fact that only one person came uninvited to my chess club today.

[Encaitare]

I assign making such a nice and useful letter as "e" into a number.

I also assign getting a CD from the library but opening the case at home to see that the wrong CD is inside. I wanted Pachelbel -- if I wanted performances of Scarlatti on classical guitar, that's what I would have looked for. *pout*

[Alcarillo]

I assign to Mordor the fact that the stool I sit on while at my computer has lost a few screws and a rung, turning any visit to the Barrow-downs into a perilous balancing act.

I also assign the awful banners my school has hung everywhere declaring such overused statements as "Best students, best teachers, best school!", and even "Believe in yourself!", and in bright neon colors to boot.

[Lhunardawen]

I love you, Jenny, but I think you'll make a good cameo for ATM2. :p (Not that I have any authority with regards to that matter...)


I too must speak out in defense of the number e. Whilst it is annoying and difficult to learn how to integrate it and differentiate it, I'm sure it is very useful...Ugh. Don't get me started.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I assign the blasted cost of plane tickets. This is a girl that has a deep-rooted need to travel this summer and is very put out at how pricey it's going to be.

[JennyHallu]

I assign shopping trips that end up in crying dressing-room confessionals, not to mention drawn-out battles between yourself and your body.

I assign racks of beautiful clothes that don't fit, the gap between the second two buttons in every blouse in the store, and the lines the best you can find leave on your skin.

I assign the thickness of my ankles and the roundness of my face. I assign the salads that don't help and the pastas that my husband loves. I assign my bad left knee and my bad right ankle. I assign the out-of-breath wheezing at the top of a small hill. I assign my image in the mirror and my bathroom scale.

What is it about women that no matter how we look to others, we can so rarely look in the mirror and see someone beautiful? My husband tells me I'm gorgeous and desirable, but I look at myself and don't believe him. My daddy blamed the pill, and mentioned that my mother looked just like that when she was pregnant. I'm not pregnant.


I assign the fact that my mother and father return to Indiana today. I love it down here, I think most of you know that. But sometimes...sometimes I just want to go home and be near my family. Today I want to go home.

[Lalwendë]

Vertigo. I was carrying a load of heavy bags into the bus station lastnight and vertigo hit me like a truck sending me staggering into one of the barriers which I had to cling onto until davem rescued me and the customer service people got us a taxi. Then I slept 12 hours solid and have been unable to raise my head from a prone position for much longer than about 20 minutes all day long, and have spent all day lying on the settee watching rubbish on telly. On top of that I have constant nausea, a headache and a stiff neck. Probably all from carrying two litres of Ribena in my rucksack until my shoulder blades felt like they were going to come apart. :(

[Firefoot]

Ice cream trucks. With their annoying, repetitive jingles that play all summer long without change, get stuck in your head, and drive you to insanity. And I've heard enough stories about them that I wouldn't ever buy ice cream from one anyway.

[Celuien]

I assign having to park my car on the street at 20th and South after circling in a half hour search for open spaces, then walk all the way to Rittenhouse Square.

Granted, it's only half a mile and I usually walk about 5 miles a day (or did before my annoying schedule took over my life :rolleyes: ). But trying to do it in heels while carrying a very heavy viola case was a bit painful.

Right. And I'll assign parallel parking too. I don't like it.

And performance related nerves. I'm fine once I'm onstage (performance went well), but before going out I'm so nervous that my hands shake. Not good for playing long, smooth bow notes.

Oh well. It was for a good cause. I didn't count since I'm not in charge of organizing the concert, but my eyeball estimate of the donations jar looked like we raised about $400 to $500 (concert was for Lou Gehrig's disease research).

[Eonwe]

I'll go with...finals. Though I'm sure they've already been assigned before, then can stand being assigned twice. Or three times, for that matter.

More importantly, I assign not being adiquaitely prepared. :(

The only redeeming thing about finals is the fact that you can look at them and say, "All I have to do is survive for three days, and then I will be through. Never agian will I have to cram, or at least never again in three months." That is a bit reasuring.

Also, I assign distractions, such as friends, CoD, yes, the Downs, band practice, work, and Stephen Ambross. They belong there for a week, and then they can come back.

Lastly, I assign myself, for allowing myself to suffer from such an accute case of procrastination.

Now, down to business... :rolleyes:

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I assign having written an entire long character outline and discovering that some time within the past few weeks, as you've not looked at it recently due to spring break, finals week, last week of classes, lots of homework, being homesick, etc (in reverse order, of course)... you lost the whole flipping thing.

It was for Illamatar! I worked hard writing and editing his creation of the world! I just scrolled through my AtM2 information and it's gone....... :(

Unless LMP saved a copy (I'm not even positive he's read it... can't remember if I sent it to him), I have to rewrite it. Grr....

And I assign being cold and I assign spring rain. I know it's making the leaves unfurl, but... I miss being warm. Horrible tantalizing NY springs! One day sunny and warm enough to go jacket-less, the next raining and shivery.

[Lhunardawen]

I assign my inability to indulge in a good cry despite desperately wanting to because I have never learned the skill of shedding tears at will and I hate it that the tears come only when I don't want them to and it makes me feel so bad that I can't somehow alleviate whatever heaviness I'm feeling because I can't even cry about it but I think that I was just too confused to cry so I just wanted someone to listen to me and comfort me and although I love my mom dearly and I tell her almost everything she didn't quite seem to fit the bill that time because the person I was looking for was a Downer but that didn't make sense because one the person is a Downer and the waters are vast and the time zones hindering and two I couldn't even understand what was disturbing me so much and I doubt that I could have put it in words so I don't know how I would have been able to let it all out so I ended up just staring morosely at nothing outside the car window and trying to make sense out of nonsense and going back to my pathetic and futile attempts to cry.

[JennyHallu]

Lhuna, lots of hugs are winging their way across the Continental US and the Pacific Ocean, just for you. Be patient...they're the warm and fuzzy sort, and they don't travel very fast. But wheeeee...there they go!

[Mithalwen]

I assign the needless renaming of things. The local hospital has renamed the Maternity Unit, "The Birthing Centre" - I assume that it is a dumbing down for the benefit of the "service users" who are taking a break from their secondary education and may not be able to cope with latinate words :rolleyes: - unless of course they are anticipating some medical breakthrough that would enable men to give birth and they need a gender neutral name (which would be such a splendid prospect that I'd forgive them!!) but my main gripe is that apart from sounding like something you do to ships, I think that it is a bad move to get too graphic with most medical things. Will the operating theatre become "the Carvery"? And ... well I am sure you can imagine others for yourselves.....

[Encaitare]

Will the operating theatre become "the Carvery"?

*grins macabrely*

[JennyHallu]

I think it more likely that they're trying to sound more "natural" and less frightening, especially with current trends towards "alternative" and "holistic" medicine.

I work at an Army Hospital...they don't bother with fancy names for anything at all. For example: We actually have a "Psych Ward" with nothing to dress it down at all.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I assign intense frustration with a friend. It's probably one of the worst feelings; it certainly trumps being frustrated with people whose lives and thoughts are not things with which you are so familiar.

[Lalaith]

I assign pouring milk into your much-longed-for early morning tea and watching it going into flakes and clumps because it has curdled...so not only do you have to make another, but you don't really want it anymore anyway because you feel vaguely queasy...bleurgh.

[Celuien]

I assign getting less than one hour warning that you're going to have to give a presentation on a completely different topic than the one you were assigned to the chairman (whose presence you were also not informed of until now) of the medicine department.

I'm just a little angry right now. :mad: Ugh.

Time to read up on "embolic transient ischemic attacks."

[the guy who be short]

Being chastised for not attending something you said you weren't going to attend.

Teachers who presume you'll do stuff just 'cos you're a nerd. :rolleyes:

[Lhunardawen]

I'm not too sure if these deserve Mordor because they're annoying, or the Shire because they're funny...but since Kath assigned "pronounciation" to Mordor...

I assign the following pronounciations made by my Calculus prof:

1. squared = "squird" (For a moment I thought I was in Bio class the first time I heard it. :rolleyes: )
2. the symbol P-nought (or P sub zero) = "peanut"
3. (I'm leaving this here just in case my prof decides that this list needs more items.)

No wonder Calculus class makes me so hungry.

And while I'm at it, I assign my hands' wall climbing-induced shaking because it messes up my handwriting.

[Cailín]

Boys. Men. Whatever they call themselves.

[Kath]

Boys. Men. Whatever they call themselves.
Oh? Do we get the reasoning behind this?

I assign pens that run out when you're halfway through something. Getting partway through a handwritten essay and then having to switch pens just makes it look so messy.

[JennyHallu]

Discovering in the car on the way to church that you missed a spot shaving...just BELOW your hemline.

[Laitoste]

When was the last time I sent registration? Obviously not recently enough. To change it up, I send the upperclassmen who decided it would be a good idea to sign up for the classes I need to fulfill my general requirements. Come on, people! I want to study abroad for a year! I don't have time to deal with your horsing around!

Also, pretentious musicians who try to make me understand what they're talking about. I have limited knowledge of music. I have no desire to increase that knowledge. All I know is that I like music. You are not going to make me appreciate it more. So be quiet. :rolleyes:

[Firefoot]

The way the library systems around here work. The library in town is rather small, while 20 minutes farther north there is a huge library (supposedly the "county library") that, because it is not within our library taxing district, I cannot check out books from unless I wanted to pay a $31 fee, which would then expire in a year. And of course the two can't set up some kind of interlibrary loan thing... oh, no. :rolleyes:

[Farael]

I assign the following pronounciations made by my Calculus prof:

1. squared = "squird" (For a moment I thought I was in Bio class the first time I heard it. :rolleyes: )
2. the symbol P-nought (or P sub zero) = "peanut"
3. (I'm leaving this here just in case my prof decides that this list needs more items.)

I would like to add, from my Organic Chem prof last term
1. Envelopship = Envelope shape: It took me a bit to realize that I did not need to look up an "envelopship" on my book.
2. Living group = Leaving group: Since it's ORGANIC chem, something to have to do with "life" is not that random... I was wondering if Carbon, Oxygen, Hidrogen and Nitrogen were living groups but then some of the examples were things that can kill you...

Also I assign the fact of not knowing what a hemline is. When I read Jenny's assignment I was just about to go on a riot as I thought girls did not shave (their faces that is) but then I figured I should check what a hemline is... and lo and behold! It's almost a body-lenght away from a face.

[The 1,000 Reader]

I assign people who care to much about the web and admins/mods who abuse their power to Mordor.

[Anguirel]

Unexpected Greek essays on Plato. Farewell sweet Downs, I must go and strive with tedium.

[Azaelia of Willowbottom]

To Mordor I assign Prom season and all the stress thereof: hair appointments, expensive tickets, drama with friends and their boyfriends, my own lack of a boyfriend (which could be conisdered a blessing, actually in the light of some of the drama I've been subjected to), and in general the whole overblown shebang. If it wasn't so much FUN last year when I went, I certainly wouldn't bother.

And while I'm at it I might as well assign the entire age group of guys from junior and senior years for being so darn hard to understand and harder still to ask for a date. :rolleyes: Sheesh.

Ok, rant over.

Oh, and while we're on the subject of pronounciations made by chem teachers, let's add this to the book. I know it's just a regional thing but it drives me CRAZY when my Chem teacher pronounces nuclear as "Nukulur", nucleus as "nukulus", etc. It's just one of those things that is so irritating in a small, niggling way that it makes me want to tear my hair out. Ok, maybe not quite that severe as that, but it definitely makes me lose my will to take notes.

[Mithalwen]

[QUOTE=Kath]Oh? Do we get the reasoning behind this?
QUOTE]


Seems pretty self-explanatory to me.....

[Cailín]

Oh? Do we get the reasoning behind this?



Seems pretty self-explanatory to me.....

Thanks Mith. ;) Did you notice the time when I posted that, Kath?

I assign snow to Mordor. It's almost May and what do we get here? Indeed. Snow.

[Kath]

Did you notice the time when I posted that, Kath?
I didn't, you'll just have to explain it to me when you get round to that PM :p

[JennyHallu]

Umm...I still don't get it. At all.

[piosenniel]

http://forum.barrowdowns.com/images/chatskwerl.jpg

Might want to take your queries to PM . . . wouldn't want this thread closed for chattiness, eh?

~*~ Pio

[The 1,000 Reader]

Let's get back on topic.

I assign to Mordor ******* admins who randomly pick out a member, change something like their username or custom title for no reason, and then tell the member that they are horrible people and then threaten them with a ban. A thing like that happened this Wednesday and is still going on. This is how it started.

Admin: In the past, blah blah blah.
Me: (Laid back and mirthful) Meh, I've read better sci-fi.
Admin: (Grim) No you haven't.
Me: (Thinking the guy is bored and wants to talk) Sorry, but the one paragraph story about the chemicals made by ghosts was better because it used a big word.
Admin: (Still Grim for no reason) No, my story is the best.
Me: (Wanting to end the discussion) Sorry dude, but there are better things out there. Now, if you used big words, you'd be better.

At that point the ******* admin entered the control panel for the site and changed my custom title, making it say that his story was the best ever. I responded by saying "My title says that because you entered the control panel and changed it to your liking, something only you can do."

The admin ignored that and acted like a ******* *********. Afterwards, he claimed that I was a horrible person who forced him to do that when I had done nothing at all and then he threatened to ban me. However, I did get back at him by annoying the heck of him afterwards. One instance being "No, the moral of the day is that it's sad to abuse admin powers and it makes you lower than a spammer." Apparently, most of the site agreed with me. That admin turned from a cool guy to a stuck-up jerk in less than an hour.

(Because of the board server, I can't change my custom title back. Only the admin can do that, and sadly, that pompus ***** is the only admin.)

[Lhunardawen]

Oh Zali...I can only agree with assigning prom...

*shudders at a two-year-old memory*

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I assign the mid-meal discovery that caesar salad dressing contains anchovies. Microscopic dead animal-things in my food! What's the point? Is it a world-wide effort to skeeve out vegetarians? No, you can't TASTE the little buggers, but we're going to kill them and stick 'em in there anyhow, just so Laura has to survive on lettuce like a friggin' rabbit because she's so paranoid about finding freshly killed corpse in her meals.

And I assign my own OCD tendencies that led me to forcibly remove (with the aid of a fork) any part of my meal that had touched it. :rolleyes:

I also assign being really caffiene high while this was happening. I'd assumed tunnel-vision only comes from alcohol, but nope... you get enough caffiene in your system and the world starts looking a lot different.

[Kath]

Headaches - ick!

[JennyHallu]

Fea, dear, Caesar salad traditionally contains anchovies, but unless you're eating at a really fancy restaurant, most Caesar dressings don't include them anymore, if only because so many people are allergic to fish. If you're eating at your college cafeteria, then definitely do not fear...no little corpses (mm...corpses) are to be found. Otherwise, ask! As a 7 year veteran of the food service industry, I can tell you with confidence that no one is going to think it amiss for you to inquire into the ingredients of the dressing.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I grabbed a packet of salad dressing, therefore had the ingredients conveniently in front of me. There were most definitely anchovies in both the worcestershire sauce contained within and as a direct ingredient. Assign, assign, assign!

[Mithalwen]

Anchovies are a traditional ingredient of Worcestershire sauce - but i didn't realise it for a while and had been happily spicing up dishes for my militantly vegetarian cousin for ages :S lol ... he has just started eating meat and fish again after 10 years because he is in his university Naval reserve - and the food is so awful for vegetarians....

Anchovies are just nasty though even for carnivores - just a way to consume a week's sodium in one unpleasant form...

However having just done a huge amount of someone else's washing up - I assign teabags left in mugs in the sink. Especially when the sink is full of water... someone is going to get killed when they get back....

[Eonwe]

Reaccuring strep throat. This is *cough* *hack* my fourth time this year... :(

[Lalwendë]

I love anchovies! Droooooolllllllll..........

I hereby assign just about every commercial pizza outlet as they no longer sell pizzas with anchovies on. What's wrong with you people? The perfect pizza would have prawns, anchovies, mushrooms, black olives, jalapeno chillies, fresh basil and capers on it.

[Kath]

Other people's computers! I write a lovely long PM, hit the button that would normally send it and what does it do? That's right, deletes it :mad: So sorry Form, but this is why your reply will be late. I have to get over the anger.

[Encaitare]

Hay fever. I love spring, but it does not love me.

[Lhunardawen]

Bad hair days (bleh). So bad that your mother who holds you dear could only say that you look as if you were picked up off the bed and thrown into the car without being allowed to wash your hair.

It's not as if you really care, anyway. Well, maybe just not too much.

[Taralphiel]

I assign getting a last minute call from a Recruitment Agency this afternoon about coming in for a job interview tomorrow. Little time to prepare, AND this is my first time taking a job interview.

*tries to stem the massive waves of panic* :eek:

Tara

[JennyHallu]

You'll do fine...relax!

[Kath]

Good luck Tara!

I assign the state of my handwriting after a week long hiatus mixed with ventolin. So messy :(

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I assign sunburn. An unexpected art class critique taking place out of doors and a picnic lunch as insisted by friends while having completely forgotten the use and beauty of sunblock has my, as entitled by the same friends, "porcelain" skin... very pink.

[Farael]

Good luck Tara!

I assign the state of my handwriting after a week long hiatus mixed with ventolin. So messy :(
I second that, both the good luck wishes (Good luck!!) and my poor handwritting after two weeks off. I have never had much skill for it, but right now I'm scared that even I won't understand it when I try to review my notes.

[Goldberry101]

I assign stuck-up popular girls who think that just because their popular they can be mean and snotty to those who aren't so popular (like me). Also, I assign homework and track meets that take all day.

[Azaelia of Willowbottom]

I assign stuck-up popular girls who think that just because their popular they can be mean and snotty to those who aren't so popular (like me). Also, I assign homework and track meets that take all day.

The stuck-upness will get better as you go through high school. I'm a senior now, and it's pretty much gone entirely. I don't think anyone has said anything mean to me all year, or even at all last year...but I feel your pain. I used to be in the same position as you were. It makes me wonder how some people get to be so popular, anyway. I know a lot of adults say it gets better (it's what my parents always told me), and it's hard to believe, but it's actually true. Just stick it out. Cheers!

The homework and track meets probably won't, though. I just did three hours of chemistry homework that I don't even understand. Homework zonks me out more than anything else, so my brain function has shot down to about nil--I needed an antidote, so I came here. ;)

I'm not on track, but I know a few girls who are, and they have meets ALL the time!

And I re-assign ceasar dressing and the anchovy thing. Fea, as advice from a vegetarian who learned the hard way, check the bottles of any italian-ish dressing you buy, some of those have anchovies, too.

Hey Lhuna--I just see bad hair days as good hat days. I have a lovely bright orange hat that I wear when my hair gets bad...it's just about my favorite accessory! ;)

[Eonwe]

I assign learning what is in foods. I'll bet everyone liked ceasar dressing before hearing it had anchovies. I liked it. Now I don't. And I used to like chicken nuggets. Now I don't. I used to like french fries. Now I don't. If we were just left in blissful ignorance, we could peacefully enjoy everything processed.

Ok, I'll just assign processed foods to Morder...again. :D

[Diamond18]

Mmmm... anchovies. Yum.

I would like to assign the cheesewit I almost broadsided tonight coming home from work. Imagine this: a dark city street, me going 30 MPH, then El Dumbo zips out from a partiallly concealed parking lot just a few yards ahead of me. I almost smashed into the fool and had to slam on my brakes. I hate slamming on my brakes. I assign having to slam on my brakes to Mordor. And what if the road had been wet? What if it had been raining? What then? I wouldn't have got home in time to start Day 5 of WWJVIII, that's what. Not to mention my car, my poor beautiful baby, would have been wrecked! Fool! Fie upon thee!

[Lhunardawen]

I assign sunburn. An unexpected art class critique taking place out of doors and a picnic lunch as insisted by friends while having completely forgotten the use and beauty of sunblock has my, as entitled by the same friends, "porcelain" skin... very pink.Heartily seconded. I couldn't stop panicking inside when I saw my shoulders turned red after forgetting to put on sunblock...and who told me to wear a sleeveless blouse? :rolleyes:

It's especially painful (not physically) since, for some reason, I'm quite obsessed with staying as fair-skinned as I can be. Ask Nilp. I can't help but frown whenever I compare the part of my arms facing away from my torso to that facing inward. The colors are so different that I feel like a streamlined orca. I really really can't see myself sporting a tan; I'm sure I would not recognize myself in the mirror when it comes to that.


Hey Lhuna--I just see bad hair days as good hat days. I have a lovely bright orange hat that I wear when my hair gets bad...it's just about my favorite accessory! I know...but you see, I'm not so much of a hat person. I love the feeling of my hair covering my face. :D


Moving right along...

I assign the times I feel that my will is strong but my body is weak. My arms, specifically. It was just a matter of holding the rocks as tight as I can manage without going overmuch, and then reaching up and holding another...but this time I just couldn't. I had barely climbed my own five-foot-two height up the wall when I started to feel my forearms burn, and no matter how much I wanted to go further up my arms were crying out to me in agony. So what could I do?

Maybe it's my fault for hanging for 42 seconds before the climb. :rolleyes:

Also, I assign long nails - my own this time. I love them, but how they impeded my climbing. And how dirty they look with all the chalk stuck under them.

[Lalwendë]

I assign having meetings that last all day, like yesterday so you don't get a dinnertime and have to do all your shopping today, which is ridiculously busy because a. it's sunny for the first time in months, and b. everyone's in a panic because the city centre will close down at 4pm while Sheffield United have a big parade.

I also assign the woman who spent fifteen minutes fussing with lottery tickets in front of me in the queue in Sainsburys. Cowbag. :mad:

I assign worrying about how I'm going to get home from work tonight.

And I assign Snails and slugs again! I have now discovered the joys of copper taping pots of plants in the garden and though it's hideously expensive stuff, its worth it. I spent some happy times on Monday experimenting by watching little snails get electrical shocks and have to turn back from their sadly unfulfilled quests to eat my new petunias. *evil smiley*

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Burn lines. My shoulders, mostly, are still creamy, but they go downright red where my sleeves ended, and my neck's even gone so far as to have a delicate white curve through the middle of my burn where my necklace had lain. It's got to be the most hilarious looking burn... I don't blame everyone I live for for trying not to laugh shortly after their horrified exclamations. "That happened after one class and then lunch outside!?!?" A polite nod. "Sunlight and I aren't the closest friends, even on the best of occasions."

Knowing that to be even remotely comfortable today, I'm going to be really limited in which shirts I can wear. Knowing that any shirts I do wear will leave me very open to burning more and worse.

Ugh, if only I'd had on stupid sunblock! *shakes fist at the sun and searches for a high SPF*

[Lalaith]

Major sympathies on the sunburn, Fea, from another pale lady. (I once fell asleep in the sun, without sunblock, and had to take three days off work as a result - because I was too burnt to wear clothes. Children and sensitive people recoiled from me for weeks, I was so hideous. I still bear the scars years later, freckles on a previously snowy decolletage. :( All definitely assigned to Mordor.)

[The Saucepan Man]

the city centre will close down at 4pm while Sheffield United have a big parade.Will Sean Bean be there, I wonder? :cool:

[Lalwendë]

Will Sean Bean be there, I wonder? :cool:

I'd put money on it! He drinks in the pub down the bottom of our road when he's back in Sheffield to watch a match. But you'd have to be a brave man or a Bean to venture into that alehouse on a matchday! :eek:

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Sounds like a good time to me!

I assign papers not meeting deadlines. It was supposed to be out today and I wanted to read it. Though perhaps the reason it wasn't out is the very reason I was interested... A few influential people aren't very happy at the moment. :cool:

[Lhunardawen]

And I assign Snails and slugs again!
Goodbye, my beloved avatar. :D


I assign crabs. The two-legged kind.

[Taralphiel]

I thank all for their well-wishes, but unfortunately I have to assign completely messing up said interview and making a complete fool of myself.

I found solace in the comic book store down the road, and having the strange ability to laugh at my own misfortune.

*crawls off to lick her metaphorical wounds* :p

Tara

[Kath]

Guilt trips.

[JennyHallu]

I assign nights when it's too hot to cuddle.

[The Saucepan Man]

Guilt trips.Yeah, tell me about it. ;)

[Lhunardawen]

Mosquitoes. Again.

Also, vehicular accidents - even just the little, "it's just a scratch" ones.

[Eonwe]

Scheduling discrepencies where your boss thinks you're not scheduled and you think you are. Grrr, my first free Saturday in months, and I waste it on work, when I didn't have to. Grrr.

[Lhunardawen]

Exams that leave you squirming in your seat restlessly, turning the pages of your blue book again and again in hopes you'll be enlightened as to how to answer an item, and eventually writing anything just so you can actually write something even if it doesn't make sense, and hoping to get partial points for them at the very least. :(

Why do they have to make things as (seemingly) simple as sequences and series so complicated, anyway? :rolleyes:

[Kath]

Blood tests.

First off, they stick a needle in your arm! Then because it was a fasting one I stand up and 30 seconds later can see nothing but bright light in front of me, have a buzzing in my ears and am maybe 5 steps away from fainting completely.

And now my arm hurts but I'm going to have to go into school this afternoon :(

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Lurking dread over the prospect of seeing medical professionals. I loathe it. I don't want to go. But if I don't, I've got friends that will knock me out and drive my unconscious body to the hospital AND call my parents. So I assign dread, doctors, and worried friends.

[Lalaith]

Feeling nervous on behalf of a loved one.
If it's your own test/audition/exam/whatever, it's bad enough, but at least you've got some influence on the outcome.
If it's someone else, you've all the nerves but none of the control.

[Celuien]

So I assign dread, doctors, and worried friends.
I just can't get out of Mordor, can I? :p

Now go on and visit your local health professional. Take care of yourself. Feel better. :)

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I just can't get out of Mordor, can I? Nope. It's what you get for choosing a profession famed for the lie "This won't hurt a bit." :p

[Celuien]

Nope. It's what you get for choosing a profession famed for the lie "This won't hurt a bit."
Knew I was doing something wrong. :D

Incidentally, you won't hear me using that line.

To Mordor: giving kitty a bath. Anyone who has attempted to bathe a cat knows what I mean...

[Lalwendë]

Knew I was doing something wrong. :D

Incidentally, you won't hear me using that line.

To Mordor: giving kitty a bath. Anyone who has attempted to bathe a cat knows what I mean...

I know exactly what you mean, sadly. The annual visit to the vet will be coming around in the next week or so for the resident mogs and this is usually accompanied by wilful, deliberate 'accidents' requiring bathtimes. I also assign the uncanny ability of a cat to find a claw-hold anywhere, even on the surface of a bath!

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Surely it's better than trying to wash a hundred pound husky/shepherd mix with very strong opinions regarding the possibility of getting his ears wet?

[Lhunardawen]

Blood tests.
Three or four years ago I would have agreed with you, but I've learned to enjoy it. Like "Ooh, my blood's dark red! That's so cool!" :D :rolleyes:


So I assign dread, doctors, and worried friends.
So I guess there's no way I'm getting out of Mordor...not even after ten years...

Anyways...

I assign parental tiffs.

I'm sure as heaven I can't speak for all children here, but parents, you've no idea how disturbed or scared some of us kids can get when you fight in front of us. Sometimes we can't help but be seized by the thought that we are somehow to blame for it, or feel helpless because we want you to stop but we're afraid to get involved. If you really must argue in our presence, please please pretty please try your darndest not to raise your voices at each other, at the very least.

[Celuien]

I know exactly what you mean, sadly. The annual visit to the vet will be coming around in the next week or so for the resident mogs and this is usually accompanied by wilful, deliberate 'accidents' requiring bathtimes. I also assign the uncanny ability of a cat to find a claw-hold anywhere, even on the surface of a bath!
Claw-holds! My little darling somehow managed to dangle from my hair today. :eek: Granted, my hair is rather long and tends to be tangled unless I have a need to tame it for work (which I am on study break from until next week), but I still consider that an amazing feat of acrobatics.

Fea, I'm sure washing the dog is difficult, and I sympathize, but at least there's not much probability of the dog becoming a hair decoration. :D

On a related note, I assign the following scenario. My dad came by today and saw me with kitty napping on my arm while humming an aria or two from the Barber of Seville to her and surfing the Internet. His comment was that I need to get married and have a baby in a hurry so that I fuss less over kitty. :mad: Well, suppose I don't want to get married yet, for lots of reasons? Suppose I don't know anyone I would want to marry just now? Suppose that I don't know anyone who wants to marry me? Suppose this is just plain out not the right time for any such thing? What if I just like to spoil Abby-cat and don't see a problem with doing so? All equally true statements.

I'm not even sure how to classify that little outburst...

On edit-thought, I should probably add that he looked competely serious when that statement was made.

I also conassign not having time to participate in the CbC discussions currently. No time to read, research and analyze at the level deserved by the project.

[Lalaith]

I thought cats washed themselves?

Anyway...you know how spammers sometimes put "proper" text into their emails in an attempt to slip past anti-spam software? Well, I've been getting a whole bunch recently which is using text...from The Hobbit!! :eek:

Sacrilege of the worst kind. Straight to Mordor, do not pass go, do not collect £200.

[Celuien]

I thought cats washed themselves?
They do. Really, they're very meticulous, but if (for instance) they get themselves into "accidents" leading to matted, sticky fur, it requires a trip to the bath. Unfortunately...

Anyway...you know how spammers sometimes put "proper" text into their emails in an attempt to slip past anti-spam software? Well, I've been getting a whole bunch recently which is using text...from The Hobbit!! :eek:

Sacrilege of the worst kind. Straight to Mordor, do not pass go, do not collect £200.
Shocking and disgraceful! :eek: Transport to Mordor heartily seconded.

[JennyHallu]

You know how to wash a cat, don't you? Put shampoo in the toilet. Put him/her in the toilet, and put the lid down with something very heavy on top. Flush once to start the suds, once to sudze the cat, and once more to rinse. Remove the heavy object from a safe position beside the toilet and stand clear.

(Disclaimer: The writer of this post holds no responsibility for harm to either cat or owner by taking this exceedingly bad advice.)

I assign boredom and paperwork.

[Cailín]

Bad luck.

I am just the epitome of an unlucky person. It's true. And totally unfair.

[Lhunardawen]

Whatever causes me to leave my phone at home.

I have no sense of time, nowhere to save my random thoughts, no way to text my mom if Calculus later gets so boring, and no alien scums to destroy.

Oh, to survive.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Inconclusive lab results that mean I haven't got a proper dislocation or a fracture, but also mean that they have no clue what actually is wrong. And since I've already assigned physicians to Mordor, looks like I'm taking a trip into the dark land this afternoon to try this again.

"What seems to be the problem?" they will ask politely.

"I seem," I will reply frustratedly, "to have a bone protruding from a place that it wasn't located before I hurt my shoulder six days ago. It seems to be the same affliction that I came here two days ago to deal with."

"Ah." They will examine it briefly before spotting that I am not lying. "You do indeed seem to have a bone protruding." They will consult the folder containing the hospital report. "Your file says there's nothing wrong."

"I seem," I will reply, this close to lashing out like one of the downs' bathed cats, "to disagree with my file."

[Taralphiel]

While there seem to be much more drastic health concerns assigned to Mordor, I'll still send in the strained or stretched muscle around my right shoulder.

Not so much for pain, but the irritating fact that I can't turn my head in certain directions and I look a tad....hunched...trying to keep comfortable! So the assignment is more about a slight discomfort making me look silly :p

*sends careful and gentle hugs to Fea, sure to avoid her particular affliction*

Tara

[Lalwendë]

I'm sending Scandinavian pollen clouds to Mordor. The pollen count has to be very bad for my eyes to start itching and my nose to run and my throat to dry out, as I only get mild hayfever, but it's been driving me mad for the past two days. My eyes are permanently red and sore and I can't even enjoy the smell of the Hawthorn blossom! :(

[Lalaith]

Losing all your exam certificates.

When you get these bits of paper, they are so precious. But the years go by, you move house, you move country, twice, you have had a number of jobs, these things become completely unimportant. Or so you think...suddenly, you are required to produce them....and they are nowhere, nowhere to be found, every box, your attic, your mother's garage, covered in dust, mice, grime....you find everything from old wedding invites to clumps of the Berlin Wall, but not you what you are looking for.

The process of getting replacements is a bureaucratic nightmare....particularly if they can't find you because your surname changed in your youth and you can't remember under which name you actually took the damn things. :rolleyes:

The moral is, children, take very good care of all your paperwork. Always.

[Kath]

Final assemblies :( We had our leaver's assembly this morning, a review of all our years at school. Year 7 with the giant bags, year 8 going to Bude, year 9 doing the Duke of Edinburgh award and skiving PE every chance you get, then exam years.

It was just so sad! I know I complain about it but that's just what you do! I don't want to go :(

[Orominuialwen]

Having the person you asked to prom turn you down. :( The only bright side to it is that he said no because he was already going with a group of his friends and I get the feeling that he might've said yes had I asked more than 8 days ahead of time. :)

[Orominuialwen]

Instead of getting one of the nice internships I applied for, I got one that doesn't pay at all (as opposed to the ones I applied for, which paid $8.33 an hour) doing something I don't want to do. If I'd wanted to do an unpaid internship, I would've applied for one that I was actually interested in and I would be working at a radio station instead of making websites for the City of Madison. :mad: :mad: :mad:

If anything belongs in Mordor, this surely does.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I assign an aching shoulder and a complete and total disinclination to ever take pain killers again.

*grumbles over the injury that won't magically disappear*

Okay, I promise I'm done whining now.

[Lalwendë]

I assign having to wait for Doctor Who to start while we have to endure watching Graham Norton and some ex-dancer be nasty about other people dancing, who you really wish wouldn't have bothered anyway, all to the soundtrack of easy listening versions of music that once sounded quite good. Why couldn't they have filled in the gap with the Test card until the correct time for Doctor Who? Especially cruel when it was the Cybermen's return. :mad:

[Farael]

I assign curfews. No, I have not had one since I was 15, and that "curfew" was more a common sense precaution. I'd tell my parents what time I thought I'd get home so if I was late they'd start worrying that something might have happened to me.

Now I live in one of the safest countries in the world and yet I cannot go out with the girl I'm sort of dating for too long because her parents have set an 11 PM curfew. 11 PM!!! What the heck is wrong with Canada?!?! Or most likely, with her parents.

I assign them to Mordor, but keep it silent, she might not appreciate it =P

[Celuien]

Now I live in one of the safest countries in the world and yet I cannot go out with the girl I'm sort of dating for too long because her parents have set an 11 PM curfew. 11 PM!!!
If you think 11 is too early, you clearly have not met anyone like my parents. ;)

Ahem. I assign House. I enjoy it sometimes, but more often than not, I wind up screaming at the television. Just as an example, I've seen a few episodes where someone was wearing what looked like a sterile OR gown and gloves while holding a non-sterile anesthesia mask. :mad: Things like that irk me.

[Firefoot]

Housework. It's not like I have to do that much of it (I dread the day when I have a whole house to do...); I just don't like doing it. It takes up so much time when I could be doing other things. Picking up is fine, but the rest of it? Bleh. Especially bathrooms. I can't stand the smell of cleaning chemicals. Talk about a headache.

But even worse is having other people cleaning up my mess. Especially my parents. I hate when they come in my uncleaned room - "you need to do this," etc. What I need is an automatically cleaning house. Or a robot. :rolleyes:

Also, driving with my dad. He has to be the worst backseat driver. "The speed limit is 35 through here," "that looks like a good parking spot," "the light up here is going to change," etc. Drives me crazy.

[Laitoste]

Feeling ill after eating my first brat in ages :( ...I have to embrace my Wisconsinness! (oh, that would be bratwurst...)

After telling people where I'm from, having them ask, "Oh, do you like the Packers?" without fail is obnoxious. No. I don't. Just because I'm from Wisconsin does not mean I like (American) football, beer, or deer hunting. And just because I lived in Idaho for a while does not mean I am excessively fond of potatoes. :rolleyes:

[Kath]

Powercuts and flooding. It's very hard to deal with water coming in under the backdoor into the kitchen and through the cellar window onto all the electrical stuff when it is pitch black and you have one working torch in the house, which is steadily losing battery power all the time.

Still, we did it!

[Elonve]

Tell me about powercuts even when there is a slight amount of lighting our Electrical Board switches off our Electricty.

I send 5 hour exams to Mordor!
And people that you love who have to leave for Uni...
Being allergic to Coffee!
________
Vapir oxygen (http://oxygenvaporizer.com)

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Being lulled to sleep by the dulcet tones of a vast number of really, really drunk college students. No classes on Wednesdays means partying on Tuesdays and they congregate outside my window, it would seem. :mad:

[Mithalwen]

This will seem petty but while I am quite good at blocking out loud constant noises, small intermittent ones drive me murderous. Therefore the life expectancy of the chap next to me in the cyber cafe who has been slurping at the same can of coke for an unfeasibly long amount of time may be drastically reduced, as is that of people who rustle, clack cough sweets against their false teeth and are generally irritating .

Also it does seem somewhat mean that due to the offices of my current assignment being refurbished we are working in portakabins inside the factory warehouse I have to sit about 2 yards away from where water pours through a leaking roof into plastic drums .....and because of the refurbishment the nearest loos are a good 5 minute walk away (seriously the factory is the size of a small town). I check the weather forcast before putting the kettle on... :rolleyes:

[Kath]

The last day of school, ever! If I was the crying type I would be in floods.

[mark12_30]

Bosses that are out of touch with what's happening in their project-- but give sweeping orders anyway, justifying loudly as they go.

Argh, Schlabgratz! March faster! Nevermind the cliff! (swish-CRACK)

[Mithalwen]

The last day of school, ever! If I was the crying type I would be in floods.

That was the happiest day of my life!!!! The end of 5 years of misery..... well at least 4 years of misery and a couple of terms of marking time.... I would happily assign my secondary education to mordor.

[Kath]

Oh I'm sorry for that Mith! Some of my schooldays I could have done without, but I'll still miss it.

[Mithalwen]

Oh I'm sorry for that Mith! Some of my schooldays I could have done without, but I'll still miss it.

Well put it this way I went to what was then quite a rough comprehensive, was about six inches taller than everyone else in my year group until Year 5 (yr 11), a hopelessy clumsy and unathletic (only when I was doing teaching prac was it suggested that I had latent dyspraxia), girly swot with rusty hair and a "posh accent". It was bliss to escape to 6th form college where being a freak/ eccentric was tolerated, celebrated almost.

The only thing worse was my spell teaching in a sink school - guess me and schools don't mix!!!

Bullies, adult and junior can go to Mordor if they aren't there already.

[Kath]

Ok, you have permission to have hated it ;) I'm still sorry it was like that for you though. We had a good group, there were fights but everyone got on generally.

To keep on topic, missing Neighbours! I wanted to know what happened :(

[ninja91]

I assign people who did not watch LOTR all the way through because they thought it was "boring". they can all burn in mordor. muwahahahahaha!

[Lalaith]

Early-morning clumsiness.

I had just got into a lovely rose-scented bath and I managed to drop my double expresso into it. So I got a murky brown bath instead. Twerp.

[Anguirel]

I assign Severus Snape and Bellatrix Lestrange. I have a feeling they're both going to be useful...

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I assign viciously snappy patrons in libraries. When I say that somebody else had already taken The Constant Gardener out, I'm not lying. And even if I could, dear patrons, go into the system to find out who has it, I wouldn't. It's none of my business, certainly none of yours, and it's sickeningly unethical. Bad patrons! When I say the movie isn't in the library, it's not a conspiracy against you, so don't be mean to me or I'll call security just to be vindictive. :mad:

[Naria]

I am going to assign.....dry sockets. Yes you heard right.....you see, I have recently gotten my four wisdom teeth surgically removed and man does my one bottom one hurt like a B!! I have had to go in to the Dentist two times a week now for about 2 1/2 weeks to get packing in that one hole. :mad:

[Kath]

Not being able to remember anything for more than a couple of hours, and being so easily distracted by something really rather trivial (if a lot of fun) that you forget something really important.

[Lalwendë]

The woman who has unfortunately moved to a desk some fourty to fifty feet away from mine can go right to Mordor. From around 9am to 11am we have had the sound of her loud, braying voice incessantly bashing our eardrums. What makes it worse is when she feels the need to speak to her immediate colleagues, she stands up, thus projecting her voice even further. I feel really sorry for the poor person she was screeching at down the phone for about 15 minutes.

I tried to drown it out by listening to The Prodigy, but this did not work. Then a man came to drill holes in the desk behind me and I could still hear her! :mad:

I have found a lot of humour in the fact that as she sounds like a foghorn and is wearing a stripey T-shirt, she must be the Longships Lighthouse.

I feel myself turning into Windsor Davies by the minute. Any moment now I am going to stand up with an enraged, purple face and yell "Shaddup!".

;)

[Elonve]

may i send grammer to mordor?
________
buttsex Cams (http://www.girlcamfriend.com/webcam/anal-sex/)

[Thinlómien]

may i send grammer to mordor?
Yes, you can definitely send grammar to Mordor... ;)

[Kath]

may i send grammer to mordor?
Only if you spell it correctly :p

[JennyHallu]

She may send spelling to Mordor...

I assign the pathetic and stupid stubbornness of men about going to the doctor. I wake up this morning and husband says "I'm not going to work today". He's been sick since Sunday, and it's only been getting worse...I told him to call and get a doctor's appointment. He argued with me about it! Said he was fine and he'd just sit it out! When he finally gave in he tried to plead out on the notion that he didn't know the number. So I looked it up for him at work and called it back. GAH! What a dingbat! He calls me after his appointment to inform me they put him on a IV and pumped 3 L of fluid into his system, gave him a prescription for an antibiotic, and asked him to come back with a sample to make sure he hadn't got anything any more dangerous than it already looked. He did mention he felt immediately much better (no kidding...the boy is neither a cactus nor a camel...).

I squelched the urge to say "I told you so". See what a nice person I am?

So....frustrating.......