The Never Ending Poem...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Hungrily searching for some snacks.
He asked the king, "Do you have some food?"

But the Dragon was, in fact a robbing hood
Who stole the king's hat and all his cakes.

[littlemanpoet]

But the Dragon was, in fact a robbing hood
Who stole the king's hat and all his cakes.
"That robbing hood dragon my cakes did take!"
cried the woebegone elven king to his talented wife

[Kath]

"That robbing hood dragon my cakes did take!"
cried the woebegone elven king to his talented wife

Who left the house wielding a knife
With which to kill said dragon

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Who left the house wielding a knife
With which to kill said dragon

Who was sat drinking from a flagon
And selling all of Gandalf's belongings

[Kath]

Who was sat drinking from a flagon
And selling all of Gandalf's belongings

"For a few of these so called shollings!"
Cried the dragon who was already drunk.

[Alcarillo]

"For a few of these so called shollings!"
Cried the dragon who was already drunk.
He was as drunk as an alcoholic skunk.
The king's wife then suddenly swung her weapon!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

He was as drunk as an alcoholic skunk.
The king's wife then suddenly swung her weapon!

And so she brought it down upon
The big old Worm's head and face

[Kath]

And so she brought it down upon
The big old Worm's head and face

Causing him to embrace
His mortality just as it ended.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Causing him to embrace
His mortality just as it ended.

But his Dragon scales defended
His life from an end most terrible

[Alcarillo]

But his Dragon scales defended
His life from an end most terrible
The chopping was most easily bearable.
The dragon struck back with a cloud of smoke.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The chopping was most easily bearable.
The dragon struck back with a cloud of smoke.

But the they eye, the lady did poke
The Dragon with force and made him cry

[Lhunardawen]

The chopping was most easily bearable.
The dragon struck back with a cloud of smoke.
But suddenly on his back he felt a poke
He turned and saw an angry Kuruharan

[Lhunardawen]

:eek:

But the they eye, the lady did poke
The Dragon with force and made him cry
and won't stop no matter how hard he try
'til he was heard by an angry Kuruharan

...still have to fit him in somehow. :D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

and won't stop no matter how hard he try
'til he was heard by an angry Kuruharan

Who was trapped inside a watering can
So the Dragon rose and tried to leave

[Lhunardawen]

Who was trapped inside a watering can
So the Dragon rose and tried to leave
But Kuru tried to hang on to his sleeve
and brought the watering can along

[JennyHallu]

But Kuru tried to hang on to his sleeve
and brought the watering can along
Kuru sang a rather annoying song:
"My can and I are flying, tra-la-la-lally!"

[Kath]

Kuru sang a rather annoying song:
"My can and I are flying, tra-la-la-lally!"

The dragon swooped down into a valley
And knocked poor Kuru on the head

[littlemanpoet]

The dragon swooped down into a valley
And knocked poor Kuru on the head
Dropping dragon tears, Chrysophylax pled,
"Please don't hurt me, what've I done to you?"

[Kath]

Dropping dragon tears, Chrysophylax pled,
"Please don't hurt me, what've I done to you?"

"Nothing." Answered the battered Kuru,
"It's what you did to my dad."

[Hookbill the Goomba]

"Nothing." Answered the battered Kuru,
"It's what you did to my dad."

"You know your father was very bad"
Said the Dragon with memories horrid

[littlemanpoet]

"You know your father was very bad"
Said the Dragon with memories horrid
"But I," said Dragon in a tone most florid,
"Will not hold it against him, nor you .... if-"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

"But I," said Dragon in a tone most florid,
"Will not hold it against him, nor you .... if-"

There was then, in his eye, some lemon jiff
That was squirted by a dwarf who was lost

[Gurthang]

There was then, in his eye, some lemon jiff
That was squirted by a dwarf who was lost

The dwarf did squirt at great cost,
for the Dragon was not amused...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The dwarf did squirt at great cost,
for the Dragon was not amused...

But, it seemed, Kuru was most bemused
And he struck at the Dwarf's hand and face

[Alcarillo]

But, it seemed, Kuru was most bemused
And he struck at the Dwarf's hand and face
And the dwarf revealed his iron mace
And the battle of the ages soon ensued

[littlemanpoet]

And the dwarf revealed his iron mace
And the battle of the ages soon ensued
Chrysophylax was in a dancing boxer's mood,
twisting and feinting away form Kuru's swing

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Chrysophylax was in a dancing boxer's mood,
twisting and feinting away form Kuru's swing

But then he saw a very shiny thing
And wished to see it, being a Dragon

[Alcarillo]

But then he saw a very shiny thing
And wished to see it, being a Dragon
He peered down deep into the bracken
And now the dwarf saw his one chance

[Hookbill the Goomba]

He peered down deep into the bracken
And now the dwarf saw his one chance

So while no one looked, he did a dance
But Kuru grew wrathful and ran away

[littlemanpoet]

So while no one looked, he did a dance
But Kuru grew wrathful and ran away
leaving Chrysophylax alive for another day;
the hobbits cheered and Sauron wept

[Kath]

leaving Chrysophylax alive for another day;
the hobbits cheered and Sauron wept

Sobbing as he slowly crept
Away in the hope of escape

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Sobbing as he slowly crept
Away in the hope of escape

The Dragon was attacked by a scary ape
Who thought him a large piece of fruit

[Meneltarmacil]

But just as the ape gave a loud hoot,
There appeared a giant squid.

[littlemanpoet]

But just as the ape gave a loud hoot,
There appeared a giant squid,
which promptly died being too far from liquid,
and the ape ran away with the moon

[Alcarillo]

which promptly died being too far from liquid,
and the ape ran away with the moon
Leaving oceans too tideless too soon
And the fishermen were very surprised

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Leaving oceans too tideless too soon
And the fishermen were very surprised

But the Dwarves always despised
The ape that stole also their gold

[littlemanpoet]

But the Dwarves always despised
The ape that stole also their gold
almost as much as they hated being polled
on whether they liked gold better than mithril

[Alcarillo]

almost as much as they hated being polled
on whether they liked gold better than mithril
It was always extremely easy to instill
Such hate and anger in Dwarvish hearts

[littlemanpoet]

It was always extremely easy to instill
Such hate and anger in Dwarvish hearts
so they buffed the shine on their oath speaking arts
and vowed to take revenge on the thieving ape

[Alcarillo]

so they buffed the shine on their oath speaking arts
and vowed to take revenge on the thieving ape
Weapons drawn, they marched across the landscape
Searching high and low for the ape and the treasure

[littlemanpoet]

Weapons drawn, they marched across the landscape
Searching high and low for the ape and the treasure
First they found Shakespeare quoting from Measure for Measure
and for anakronistic rhyming heckled him out of Arda

[Alcarillo]

First they found Shakespeare quoting from Measure for Measure
and for anakronistic rhyming heckled him out of Arda
Despite the frantic pleas of Varda
Who loved very much Shakespeare's rhymes

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Despite the frantic pleas of Varda
Who loved very much Shakespeare's rhymes

But they all heard some very mysterious chimes
That came from the house of Radagast the brown

[littlemanpoet]

But they all heard some very mysterious chimes
That came from the house of Radagast the brown.
The head Dwarf, named Dwayne of the Downs,
said, "The ape's too big to be Radagast's chimer."

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The head Dwarf, named Dwayne of the Downs,
said, "The ape's too big to be Radagast's chimer

But they all were distracted by a fat mimer*
Who stood before the Ape and entertained




*I don't think that is strictly a word... but, oh well.

[littlemanpoet]

But they all were distracted by a fat mimer
Who stood before the Ape and entertained
with pouts and grins and looks so pained
that the Dwarves didn't realize it was Bombur

[Hookbill the Goomba]

with pouts and grins and looks so pained
that the Dwarves didn't realize it was Bombur

Until, he eventually fell wheezing on the floor
Clasping his chest and begging for many foods

[littlemanpoet]

Until, he eventually fell wheezing on the floor
Clasping his chest and begging for many foods.

The Dwarves in their surprise cast off their hoods of many hues
and asked him why in Middle Earth he mimed for an ape

[Alcarillo]

The Dwarves in their surprise cast off their hoods of many hues
and asked him why in Middle Earth he mimed for an ape
Wheezing, he murmured to the dwarves listening agape,
"I needed cash! The ape pays well."

[littlemanpoet]

Wheezing, he murmured to the dwarves listening agape,
"I needed cash! The ape pays well."
Now louder they heard Radagast's bell;
Dwayne said, "What's that wizard up to?"

[Alcarillo]

Now louder they heard Radagast's bell;
Dwayne said, "What's that wizard up to?"
Dwayne sent a scouting party of two
up to the wizard's ancient door

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Dwayne sent a scouting party of two
up to the wizard's ancient door

There they saw Gandalf on the floor
For he was drunk on Radagast’s ale

[Lhunardawen]

There they saw Gandalf on the floor
For he was drunk on Radagast’s ale
Indeed he was looking very pale
As he lay there, he began to shlur...

[littlemanpoet]

Indeed he was looking very pale
As he lay there, he began to shlur,
saying, "I mush be in Valinur,
sho fair and bright are the Dwarvsh tonight

[Alcarillo]

saying, "I mush be in Valinur,
sho fair and bright are the Dwarvsh tonight
Shining with shuch a heavenly light."
The dwarf scouts said "You're tipsy, muddled!"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Shining with shuch a heavenly light."
The dwarf scouts said "You're tipsy, muddled!"

So around the wizard they quietly huddled
Then dragged him back and told all they knew

[Lhunardawen]

So around the wizard they quietly huddled
Then dragged him back and told all they knew
But angrily he sent them away with a shoo!
So they all left and he went back to sleep

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But angrily he sent them away with a shoo!
So they all left and he went back to sleep

And the other Dwarves began to creep
Up to Radagast's house with wide grins

[Lhunardawen]

And the other Dwarves began to creep
Up to Radagast's house with wide grins
Bringing fruit peel-laden trash bins.
One careless Dwarf dropped a banana's...

[Alcarillo]

Bringing fruit peel-laden trash bins.
One careless Dwarf dropped a banana's...
Rotting, browning peel. "Heavenly ma-, manna!"
Shouted a dwarf as he slipped and fell.

[Lhunardawen]

Rotting, browning peel. "Heavenly ma-, manna!"
Shouted a dwarf as he slipped and fell.
And nothing more does his tale tell
For he himself turned into banana peel

[Alcarillo]

And nothing more does his tale tell
For he himself turned into banana peel
A grim reminder of some lonely meal,
And the dwarves forgot banana-dwarf's fate

[Lhunardawen]

A grim reminder of some lonely meal,
And the dwarves forgot banana-dwarf's fate
But charged towards Radagast with cries of hate
Believing he had conjured the whole oddity

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But charged towards Radagast with cries of hate
Believing he had conjured the whole oddity

So Radagast came to offer some commodity
to the fallen Dwarves who lay in the mess

[Balin999]

So Radagast came to offer some commodity
to the fallen Dwarves who lay in the mess

and cried "You're the evil-doer, we guess?"
and together they had some ale

[Hookbill the Goomba]

and cried "You're the evil-doer, we guess?"
and together they had some ale

Until the wizard became quite pale
And did throw up his lunch on them

[Kath]

Until the wizard became quite pale
And did throw up his lunch on them

To which the dwarves replied "Ahem!
Clean up this mess right now."

[Alcarillo]

To which the dwarves replied "Ahem!
Clean up this mess right now."
And they threatened to butcher him like a cow
if he did not immediately mop the vomit up

[littlemanpoet]

And they threatened to butcher him like a cow
if he did not immediately mop the vomit up.
He conjured in his defense an attercop
that scowled and spit and spun a web

[Alcarillo]

He conjured in his defense an attercop
that scowled and spit and spun a web
To entangle the dwarves, like dust in a cobweb.
The dwarves rushed forth with axes but became ensnared!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

To entangle the dwarves, like dust in a cobweb.
The dwarves rushed forth with axes but became ensnared!

But Gandalf now came to see how the web fared
Against Glamdring, but he regretfully fell asleep

[Lhunardawen]

But Gandalf now came to see how the web fared
Against Glamdring, but he regretfully fell asleep
Thinking him dead, the Dwarves could only weep
'Til Gandalf could take their noise no longer

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Thinking him dead, the Dwarves could only weep
'Til Gandalf could take their noise no longer

So he took off his cloak to leave them 6" under
Leaving them all dumbfounded and dismayed

[Lhunardawen]

So he took off his cloak to leave them 6" under
Leaving them all dumbfounded and dismayed
They could not bear to see it decayed
Any more than to Gandalf sans the cloak!

[Alcarillo]

They could not bear to see it decayed
Any more than to Gandalf sans the cloak!
"Gaah! My eyes!" screamed a blinded bloke
"Put it back on before you kill us!"

[littlemanpoet]

"Gaah! My eyes!" screamed a blinded bloke
"Put it back on before you kill us!"
"You pack of ushelesh diggersh,' cried the bilius
and gleaming Gandalf, "Pipe down!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

"You pack of ushelesh diggersh,' cried the bilius
and gleaming Gandalf, "Pipe down!

For someone is about to drown!"
And all stood amazed and stared

[Alcarillo]

For someone is about to drown!"
And all stood amazed and stared
At Gandalf's shaking staff, which now prepared
To unleash a flood throughout the house.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

At Gandalf's shaking staff, which now prepared
To unleash a flood throughout the house.

But he was then bitten by a small mouse
Named Jeffrey, who had a very special hat

[Kath]

But he was then bitten by a small mouse
Named Jeffrey, who had a very special hat

That would turn him into a big, fat rat
If given the slightest provocation

[Alcarillo]

That would turn him into a big, fat rat
If given the slightest provocation
Now Gandalf gave Jeffrey a citation
for interrupting his watery spell.

[Legolas in spandex]

Now Gandalf gave Jeffrey a citation
for interrupting his watery spell.

But Jeffrey did not like him well
He tripped Gandalf to his feet

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But Jeffrey did not like him well
He tripped Gandalf to his feet

While the Dwarves ran down the street
And laughed, as they took much gold

[Kath]

While the Dwarves ran down the street
And laughed, as they took much gold

But it had not been legally sold
And they were arrested at the end of the road

[Legolas in spandex]

But it had not been legally sold
And they were arrested at the end of the road
and each turned to a big brown toad
and all the gold did scatter

[Kath]

and each turned to a big brown toad
and all the gold did scatter

And was followed by the patter
Of tiny feet running after it as it rolled away

[Legolas in spandex]

And was followed by the patter
Of tiny feet running after it as it rolled away
and one followed a coin to a bay
In his luck he fell in

[Hookbill the Goomba]

and one followed a coin to a bay
In his luck he fell in

And did make a terribly awful din
and alerted the Nazgûl’s party

[Legolas in spandex]

And did make a terribly awful din
and alerted the Nazgûl’s party

One uncannily gave a laugh quite hearty
and came on his horse of black

[Kath]

One uncannily gave a laugh quite hearty
and came on his horse of black

Just looking for a midnight snack
To go with his steaming cocoa

[Legolas in spandex]

Just looking for a midnight snack
To go with his steaming cocoa

And on the side of his mug was the logo
"Today's the first day of the rest of your life"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And on the side of his mug was the logo
"Today's the first day of the rest of your life"

Feeling depressed, he took out a knife
And ran, screaming, towards Frodo

[Kath]

Feeling depressed, he took out a knife
And ran, screaming, towards Frodo

Who was about to be dead as a dodo
When that knife went through his heart

[Legolas in spandex]

quote:Feeling depressed, he took out a knife
And ran, screaming, towards Frodo

But it was a 'no go'
because Sam wore "Essence of Frodo perfume"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Who was about to be dead as a dodo
When that knife went through his heart

Until a thunderstorm began to start
And the knife went astray and hit...

[Legolas in spandex]

Until a thunderstorm began to start
And the knife went astray and hit...

some random rock and the sword split
and the wraith did fall back

[Alcarillo]

some random rock and the sword split
and the wraith did fall back
Without a sword he would not attack,
And he reported the failure to Minas Mor-go

[Legolas in spandex]

Without a sword he would not attack,
And he reported the failure to Minas Mor-go

But they belived his story was all for show
for his sword shouldn't break so easily

[Alcarillo]

But they belived his story was all for show
for his sword shouldn't break so easily
Unless it were made of plastic, fake and measly.
So they rolled Minas Mor-go to the site to investigate

[Legolas in spandex]

Unless it were made of plastic, fake and measly.
So they rolled Minas Mor-go to the site to investigate


but it was very difficult in all his weight
and when they got there everyone was gone

[Alcarillo]

but it was very difficult in all his weight
and when they got there everyone was gone
But the Nazgul did find the Spanish King of Aragon.
They asked him if he knew of the shards of a plastic sword.

Note: Minas Mor-go is the name of Minas Morgul with wheels attached, along the same lines as Mount Zoom, Minas Taxi, etc.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But the Nazgul did find the Spanish King of Aragon.
They asked him if he knew of the shards of a plastic sword.

But the King, with all these questions, was board
And he sent Minas Mor-go to find him some food

[Legolas in spandex]

But the King, with all these questions, was board
And he sent Minas Mor-go to find him some food


But Minas Mor-go found this rude
And disinclined to this request..

[Alcarillo]

But Minas Mor-go found this rude
And disinclined to this request..
The King shouted, "But I'm your guest!
I tell you, Nazgul of Minas Mor-go, do as I say!"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The King shouted, "But I'm your guest!
I tell you, Nazgul of Minas Mor-go, do as I say!"

But so dark were they, that it was night at day
So the King ran to the hills and hit in a hole

[Alcarillo]

But so dark were they, that it was night at day
So the King ran to the hills and hit in a hole
But was chased out by an unfriendly mole,
So the King tried his luck hiding in a murky bog.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But was chased out by an unfriendly mole,
So the King tried his luck hiding in a murky bog.

But, there then attacked him, a giant Dog
Who was pet to Bombadill from the Downs

[Kath]

But, there then attacked him, a giant Dog
Who was pet to Bombadill from the Downs

Who turned to the King with a mighty frown
And said, "What do you think you are doing?"

[littlemanpoet]

Who turned to the King with a mighty frown
And said, "What do you think you are doing?"
The King wiped his face from the dog's spewing.
"Trying to find some food worth eating!"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The King wiped his face from the dog's spewing.
"Trying to find some food worth eating!"

But Bombadill gave him a much-deserved beating
And then sang a song that later three hours

[littlemanpoet]

But Bombadill gave him a much-deserved beating
And then sang a song that later three hours
The King got up and fled to his towers
So quickly his shoes turned to bunnies

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The King got up and fled to his towers
So quickly his shoes turned to bunnies

Then his jester tried to tell him some 'funnies'
But the King was not amused and said so

[littlemanpoet]

Then his jester tried to tell him some 'funnies'
But the King was not amused and said so
To which the jester hugely frowned and gave a blow
on a floogletube as near to the King's ear as he dared

[Legolas in spandex]

To which the jester hugely frowned and gave a blow
on a floogletube as near to the King's ear as he dared

But the king was deaf and couldn't have cared
So he sat in a dreamy daze..

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But the king was deaf and couldn't have cared
So he sat in a dreamy daze..

But he slept for so many days
that starvation took his life

[Legolas in spandex]

But he slept for so many days
that starvation took his life

And Legolas came and took his wife
But him she did decieve

[Alcarillo]

And Legolas came and took his wife
But him she did decieve
With a dramatic plan she would soon conceive
Of murder, betrayal, the whole nine yards

[Legolas in spandex]

With a dramatic plan she would soon conceive
Of murder, betrayal, the whole nine yards

But Legolas knew how to play his cards
And in the night he fled very far..

[littlemanpoet]

But Legolas knew how to play his cards
And in the night he fled very far..
whilst his wife his green hose did mar
while cahooting with the Elven king's wife

[Legolas in spandex]

whilst his wife his green hose did mar
while cahooting with the Elven king's wife

And it seems Legolas never learns in life
For he went to stay with Arwen fair

[littlemanpoet]

And it seems Legolas never learns in life
For he went to stay with Arwen fair
Who had a bet with Elessar on a dare
to see what she could get Legolas to say

[Legolas in spandex]

Who had a bet with Elessar on a dare
to see what she could get Legolas to say

But her eyes looked at him in a maliced way
So he said nothing and went back to Thranduil, his dad

[littlemanpoet]

But her eyes looked at him in a maliced way
So he said nothing and went back to Thranduil, his dad
and told on his mom for being bad.
Twelve Dwarves imprisoned overheard him

[Legolas in spandex]

and told on his mom for being bad.
Twelve Dwarves imprisoned overheard him

And they laughed with a smile so grim
Because them Legolas did amuse...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And they laughed with a smile so grim
Because them Legolas did amuse...

But he always had a very short fuse
And he attacked them with jam jars

[Legolas in spandex]

But he always had a very short fuse
And he attacked them with jam jars

And you better believe he caused some scars
Which raised Legolas' ego quite a bit

[Alcarillo]

And you better believe he caused some scars
Which raised Legolas' ego quite a bit
He loved to see the dwarves have a fit
at their new wounds and boo-boos.

[Legolas in spandex]

He loved to see the dwarves have a fit
at their new wounds and boo-boos.

Legolas reported this to his father who laughed at the news
But said he must soon move out again on his own

[Alcarillo]

Legolas reported this to his father who laughed at the news
But said he must soon move out again on his own
To explore the world, to gain renown!
So he packed up his bags and set off on a journey

[Hookbill the Goomba]

To explore the world, to gain renown!
So he packed up his bags and set off on a journey

But he was killed by an evil Turkey
That Gandalf did set about the land

[Alcarillo]

But he was killed by an evil Turkey
That Gandalf did set about the land
"Attack all elves," he did command
"For they insulted me at the feast"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

"Attack all elves," he did command
"For they insulted me at the feast"

And the Turkey grew into a terrible beast
Seeking to devour all Gandalf's pointy hats

[Alcarillo]

And the Turkey grew into a terrible beast
Seeking to devour all Gandalf's pointy hats
"No, no don't eat those! Not now! Rats!
At least don't eat my cloak, you hungry creature."

[Legolas in spandex]

"No, no don't eat those! Not now! Rats!
At least don't eat my cloak, you hungry creature."

But, alas, Gandalf forgot one measly feature;
Bolemia the beast did have, and he threw up all he had eaten..

[Balin999]

But, alas, Gandalf forgot one measly feature;
Bolemia the beast did have, and he threw up all he had eaten..

And for the first time in his life, Gandalf had been beaten
And so he went to be alone and cry

[Alcarillo]

And for the first time in his life, Gandalf had been beaten
And so he went to be alone and cry
He wept and sobbed and wished to die
Rather than confront that turkey again

[Hookbill the Goomba]

He wept and sobbed and wished to die
Rather than confront that turkey again

He could not bare such terrible pain
So he took his hat and pipe and walked

[Legolas in spandex]

He could not bare such terrible pain
So he took his hat and pipe and walked

Not knowing it was him Legolas now stalked
But he could smell the stomach acid he was covered in

[littlemanpoet]

Not knowing it was him Legolas now stalked
But he could smell the stomach acid he was covered in.
Meanwhile Gandalf's sobbing made such a din
that the Tooks left the Smials to shut him up

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Meanwhile Gandalf's sobbing made such a din
that the Tooks left the Smials to shut him up

While Frodo searched for his best tea cup
For Gollum had taken it from Bag End

[littlemanpoet]

While Frodo searched for his best tea cup
For Gollum had taken it from Bag End,
for Bilbo had not been home to lend
His Ring which Gollum had wanted to borrow

[Hookbill the Goomba]

for Bilbo had not been home to lend
His Ring which Gollum had wanted to borrow

So he hid it in a rather large Barrow
But the Wight there was not happy

[littlemanpoet]

So he hid it in a rather large Barrow
But the Wight there was not happy
For the cup's engraving was really quite sappy,
and the Wight didn't go in for such things

[Hookbill the Goomba]

For the cup's engraving was really quite sappy,
and the Wight didn't go in for such things

He loved cups with a large bell that dings
Novelties such as this annoyed his friends

[Alcarillo]

He loved cups with a large bell that dings
Novelties such as this annoyed his friends
When he rang it, they threw bookends
And hit the Wight square in the nose.

[Legolas in spandex]

When he rang it, they threw bookends
And hit the Wight square in the nose.

For this is how the engraving goes:
" Believe in yourself in all that you do..."

[Alcarillo]

For this is how the engraving goes:
" Believe in yourself in all that you do..."
Whether in skiing or Scrabble or cooking a stew,"
And then it continued, "You are indeed special...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Whether in skiing or Scrabble or cooking a stew,"
And then it continued, "You are indeed special...

"And, indeed, a lot like a turtles' shell"
But Frodo entered and began to demand

[Alcarillo]

"And, indeed, a lot like a turtles' shell"
But Frodo entered and began to demand
Why he had four fingers on one of his hands.
"Don't you remember?" the people said

[Legolas in spandex]

Why he had four fingers on one of his hands.
"Don't you remember?" the people said

Gollum removed one and fell and is now dead,
But Frodo looked as though him amnesia had struck

[Alcarillo]

Gollum removed one and fell and is now dead,
But Frodo looked as though him amnesia had struck
"I think I have amnesia. What bad luck!"
They rushed him to a healer to check for bumps on his head.

[Legolas in spandex]

"I think I have amnesia. What bad luck!"
They rushed him to a healer to check for bumps on his head.

And he awoke in some random bed
On it sat many cute things and toys.....

[littlemanpoet]

And he awoke in some random bed
On it sat many cute things and toys:
Three little Elven girls and two little hobbit boys,
Who before Frodo's staring eyes came to life

[Alcarillo]

Three little Elven girls and two little hobbit boys,
Who before Frodo's staring eyes came to life
And pranced around him, each wielding a penknife!
But it was all just a horrible nightmare

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And pranced around him, each wielding a penknife!
But it was all just a horrible nightmare

For Frodo found himself at a Hobbit fare
So got drunk on the Gaffer's home brew!

[littlemanpoet]

For Frodo found himself at a Hobbit fare
So got drunk on the Gaffer's home brew!
Not to mention Rosie's spiked mushroom stew!
He danced and pranced and sang a silly song

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Not to mention Rosie's spiked mushroom stew!
He danced and pranced and sang a silly song

But, it seems, he got the words all wrong
And Saruman came to laugh at him loudly

[Legolas in spandex]

But, it seems, he got the words all wrong
And Saruman came to laugh at him loudly

While Frodo stood and pointed proudly
"I'm doing better than you could I'm sure.."

[JennyHallu]

While Frodo stood and pointed proudly
"I'm doing better than you could I'm sure.."
For I've had Rosie's surefire cure
For gout, ague, and fear of speeches.

[Alcarillo]

For I've had Rosie's surefire cure
For gout, ague, and fear of speeches.
She makes it from holy water and sweet peaches."
But Saruman at this laughed only harder

[littlemanpoet]

She makes it from holy water and sweet peaches."
But Saruman at this laughed only harder
And nosed around greedily in Rosie's larder,
Finding mulled apple pie and roast mutton pasties

[Alcarillo]

And nosed around greedily in Rosie's larder,
Finding mulled apple pie and roast mutton pasties
He stole all sorts of sweet, mouth-watering tasties
Stuffing them into his pockets deep

[Hookbill the Goomba]

He stole all sorts of sweet, mouth-watering tasties
Stuffing them into his pockets deep

And in Isenguard made a large heap
of all he had stolen in his malice

[littlemanpoet]

And in Isengard made a large heap
of all he had stolen in his malice
But it sank under its own weight, lacking ballast,
until found by a Balrog named Hubert

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But it sank under its own weight, lacking ballast,
until found by a Balrog named Hubert

Who was eating a lot of sherbet
So he was going insane on sugar

[Alcarillo]

Who was eating a lot of sherbet
So he was going insane on sugar
And he shouted "Booger! Booger!"
Until Saruman came to calm him down.

[Legolas in spandex]

And he shouted "Booger! Booger!"
Until Saruman came to calm him down.


And he looked at him with a vicious frown
"I do not like how you have behaved..."

[littlemanpoet]

And he looked at him with a vicious frown
"I do not like how you have behaved,
So if you don't stop I'll have your wings shaved."
"Sez you," Hubert retorted. "Try an' I'll whip your...

[Alcarillo]

So if you don't stop I'll have your wings shaved."
"Sez you," Hubert retorted. "Try an' I'll whip your...
sensitive bum, whippin' it raw an' red an' sore."
Saruman fumed. "I'll have revenge! You will be sorry soon!"

[littlemanpoet]

sensitive bum, whippin' it raw an' red an' sore."
Saruman fumed. "I'll have revenge! You will be sorry soon!"
"A one an' a two!" cried Hub. Doom! Doom! Doom!
Went the orc drums to Hubert's conducting

[Alcarillo]

"A one an' a two!" cried Hub. Doom! Doom! Doom!
Went the orc drums to Hubert's conducting
And across the room Hubert went strutting
Showing off his musical prowess right to Saruman's face

[littlemanpoet]

And across the room Hubert went strutting
Showing off his musical prowess right to Saruman's face.
Saruman couldn't help himself and joined Hubert's pace,
forgetting to be mad; so he danced a jig

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman couldn't help himself and joined Hubert's pace,
forgetting to be mad; so he danced a jig

And his dance was indeed very big
Especially deep in Dwarven houses

[Lhunardawen]

And his dance was indeed very big
Especially deep in Dwarven houses
Where there are a lot of little mouses*
And they scampered around Saruman's feet

*Now that's what we call exercise of poetic license. :p

[littlemanpoet]

Where there are a lot of little mouses*
And they scampered around Saruman's feet
and chewed off his shoe laces quite complete.
He tripped, bonked his nose, and fell on his ars

(there's some more poetic license .... namely bad grammar :rolleyes: )

[Hookbill the Goomba]

and chewed off his shoe laces quite complete.
He tripped, bonked his nose, and fell on his ars

Even though the poetic licence was a farce*
He cheered himself up by writing to Radagast


* :p

[Kath]

Even though the poetic licence was a farce
He cheered himself up by writing to Radagast

Who read the letter and then thought "Blast!
Now I'll have to go to his aid."

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Who read the letter and then thought "Blast!
Now I'll have to go to his aid."

And I probably won't get paid,
For Saruman's wallet oft is closed

[Kath]

And I probably won't get paid,
For Saruman's wallet oft is closed

And will now be especially hard-nosed
As he doesn't like Gandalf anyway.

[Alcarillo]

And will now be especially hard-nosed
As he doesn't like Gandalf anyway.
Saruman won't pay me! Not today!"
But still he hurried off to aid his master

[Lhunardawen]

Saruman won't pay me! Not today!"
But still he hurried off to aid his master
Unfortunately he couldn't walk any faster
For the mouses found their way to him

[Alcarillo]

Unfortunately he couldn't walk any faster
For the mouses found their way to him
To escape their wrath he tried to swim
Across a river wide and cold

[Lhunardawen]

To escape their wrath he tried to swim
Across a river wide and cold
But a wise daga got into a fold
in his cloak and swam along...

[Alcarillo]

But a wise daga got into a fold
in his cloak and swam along...
The daga hid there all day long,
for the entire journey to Saruman's house.

[Lhunardawen]

The daga hid there all day long,
for the entire journey to Saruman's house.
On the way he met a friendly louse
Who hated wizards overmuch

[Alcarillo]

On the way he met a friendly louse
Who hated wizards overmuch
And they conspired over lunch
To bother the wizard whose cloak they hid in.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And they conspired over lunch
To bother the wizard whose cloak they hid in.

But their council caused such a din
that the wizards burned their cloaks

[Kath]

But their council caused such a din
that the wizards burned their cloaks

And caused such an attack of the smokes*
That the daga and louse ran right away

*what?

[JennyHallu]

And caused such an attack of the smokes*
That the daga and louse ran right away
"There's fire where smoke is," they say,
"And no Balrog defeats us! We're heroes!"

[Gurthang]

"There's fire where smoke is," they say,
"And no Balrog defeats us! We're heroes!"

But then the wizards remembered their clothes,
Which they had just burned up in a flame...

[JennyHallu]

But then the wizards remembered their clothes,
Which they had just burned up in a flame...
But it is the best way the orcs for to tame...
The sight of nude wizards makes them compliant.

[littlemanpoet]

But it is the best way the orcs for to tame...
The sight of nude wizards makes them compliant.
However it makes Elves and Dwarves defiant,
and two of each saw the wizards' shame

[Hookbill the Goomba]

However it makes Elves and Dwarves defiant,
and two of each saw the wizards' shame

And so they both, instantly, became lame.
Their legs and arms almost fell off

[JennyHallu]

And so they both, instantly, became lame.
Their legs and arms almost fell off
But by shutting their eyes with a significant cough
The wizards realized their error and dressed in a rush.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But by shutting their eyes with a significant cough
The wizards realized their error and dressed in a rush.

Yet, all of a sudden, after an all mighty toilet flush
Gandalf appeared from the WC and began to snigger

[Alcarillo]

Yet, all of a sudden, after an all mighty toilet flush
Gandalf appeared from the WC and began to snigger
At Saruman's pale, gangly figger,*
Trapped under a pile of shining white robes

*That'd be figure in a funny accent.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

At Saruman's pale, gangly figger,*
Trapped under a pile of shining white robes

Gandalf laughed till he lost his ear lobes
As he rolled on the ground near to glass

[Lhunardawen]

Gandalf laughed till he lost his ear lobes
As he rolled on the ground near to glass
He was approached by a pretty lass
Who picked up the lobes and handed them over...

[littlemanpoet]

He was approached by a pretty lass
Who picked up the lobes and handed them over...
He took them back and turned her into a plover;
She flew into the sky singing a twittering ditty

[Alcarillo]

He took them back and turned her into a plover;
She flew into the sky singing a twittering ditty
But she hit a chimney, sooty and gritty.
She fell and rolled down a red roof

[littlemanpoet]

But she hit a chimney, sooty and gritty.
She fell and rolled down a red roof
In her fright blurting things most uncouth,
And landed >PLOP< in Radagast's hat

[Alcarillo]

In her fright blurting things most uncouth,
And landed >PLOP< in Radagast's hat
He panicked and thought the bird was a bat,
A vampire in fact, come to suck out his blood

[littlemanpoet]

He panicked and thought the bird was a bat,
A vampire in fact, come to suck out his blood.
Frightened he ran but slipped in the mud
And landed on his ars, the plover on his nose

[Alcarillo]

Frightened he ran but slipped in the mud
And landed on his ars, the plover on his nose
So bad was the fall, Radagast was caught in death's throes!
The plover tried CPR but her lungs were too small!

[Lhunardawen]

So bad was the fall, Radagast was caught in death's throes!
The plover tried CPR but her lungs were too small!
In desperation she tried to make a bird call
But a telephone was nowhere to be found

*groans*

[Alcarillo]

In desperation she tried to make a bird call
But a telephone was nowhere to be found
Her heart burst of panic and she fell to the ground!
Now there were two emergencies at hand

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Her heart burst of panic and she fell to the ground!
Now there were two emergencies at hand

Even though, in those parts, magic was banned
Gandalf arrived and did some good works

[Lhunardawen]

Even though, in those parts, magic was banned
Gandalf arrived and did some good works
But his deeds were marred by a few quirks -
Like Radagast's cloak turning purple

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But his deeds were marred by a few quirks -
Like Radagast's cloak turning purple

Radagast then began to merrily gurgle
And flap his hands in Gandalf's face

[Kath]

Radagast then began to merrily gurgle
And flap his hands in Gandalf's face
But he found to his disgrace
That they were no longer hands but wings!

[littlemanpoet]

But he found to his disgrace
That they were no longer hands but wings!
Then Gandalf's mustache turned to strings!
And the plover came to, but turned into a bat

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Then Gandalf's mustache turned to strings!
And the plover came to, but turned into a bat

Which became incredibly fat!
Leaving the Wizard to weep

[littlemanpoet]

Which became incredibly fat!
Leaving the Wizard to weep
Until he fell into a dreamfull sleep
Filled with wingful balrogs and one eyed Saurons

[Alcarillo]

Until he fell into a dreamfull sleep
Filled with wingful balrogs and one eyed Saurons
Then came an army of, singing "Ka-pow!", blondes
Searching high and low for Legolas, elven prince

[Lhunardawen]

Then came an army of, singing "Ka-pow!", blondes
Searching high and low for Legolas, elven prince
Who they so wanted to finely mince.
But too much violence is found abhorrent

[Kath]

Who they so wanted to finely mince.
But too much violence is found abhorrent
And in response tears fell in a torrent
And weeping was heard throughout the land

[Alcarillo]

And in response tears fell in a torrent
And weeping was heard throughout the land
But still many maidens wanted the hand
of Legolas the Minced in marriage sweet

[littlemanpoet]

But still many maidens wanted the hand
of Legolas the Minced in marriage sweet
But the kapowing maidens were not discreet,
And Thranduil's Queen had them all imprisoned

[Alcarillo]

But the kapowing maidens were not discreet,
And Thranduil's Queen had them all imprisoned
The slimey dungeon walls glistened
For they had not been cleaned since Thorin sat there

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The slimey dungeon walls glistened
For they had not been cleaned since Thorin sat there

And the other prisoners were covered in hair
For they were all Dwarves of many houses

[Kath]

And the other prisoners were covered in hair
For they were all Dwarves of many houses
Who turned out to be cross old grouses
And blamed poor Leggy for their plight.

[Alcarillo]

Who turned out to be cross old grouses
And blamed poor Leggy for their plight.
They begged him for a little light,
But Legolas the Minced refused

[Hookbill the Goomba]

They begged him for a little light,
But Legolas the Minced refused

All the while Maglor and Dearon mused
Upon how this poem had gone so far

[Alcarillo]

All the while Maglor and Dearon mused
Upon how this poem had gone so far
"947 lines! Close, but no cigar!
Beowulf's got 3182 lines."

[Hookbill the Goomba]

"947 lines! Close, but no cigar!
Beowulf's got 3182 lines."

And as they passed the Dwarven mines
They saw old Gandalf and began to run

[littlemanpoet]

And as they passed the Dwarven mines
They saw old Gandalf and began to run
after the slowpoke wizard who was inventing a pun.
Maglor and Daeron stopped him in midword-play

[Alcarillo]

after the slowpoke wizard who was inventing a pun.
Maglor and Daeron stopped him in midword-play
"What walks on four legs in morn, two during day,
And on three in the evening?" They asked the old man.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

"What walks on four legs in morn, two during day,
And on three in the evening?" They asked the old man.

But he turned and hit them with a saucepan
That he had found on the Barrow Downs...

[Kath]

But he turned and hit them with a saucepan
That he had found on the Barrow Downs...
Assuming it belonged to one of the clowns,
But then found it belonged to Saucy

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Assuming it belonged to one of the clowns,
But then found it belonged to Saucy

Who thought it incredibly naughty
To thieve from a sleeping Ghost

[Alcarillo]

Who thought it incredibly naughty
To thieve from a sleeping Ghost
So Saucy complained in a ranting post
in the "What do you assign to Mordor?" thread

[Lhunardawen]

So Saucy complained in a ranting post
in the "What do you assign to Mordor?" thread
Wishing the white uncloaking wizard was dead
So Gandalf did a cameo in ATM2

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Wishing the white uncloaking wizard was dead
So Gandalf did a cameo in ATM2

But he was soon soaked through and through
When he was cast into a lake of stagnate water

[littlemanpoet]

But he was soon soaked through and through
When he was cast into a lake of stagnate water.
But as luck would have it, it turned to butter
Which happened to have been assigned

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But as luck would have it, it turned to butter
Which happened to have been assigned,

By a certain Dwarf who deeply mined,
To cover his toast and crumpets at tea

[Alcarillo]

By a certain Dwarf who deeply mined,
To cover his toast and crumpets at tea
While he dined on a ship out on the sea
Appropriately called the SS Rust

[Lhunardawen]

While he dined on a ship out on the sea
Appropriately called the SS Rust
Filled with mouses and cobwebs and dust
And a teeny weeny bit of ferric oxide

Nerd alert! :rolleyes:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Filled with mouses and cobwebs and dust
And a teeny weeny bit of ferric oxide

Which caused a bang and many died
So the Elves did weep and wandered far

[Alcarillo]

Which caused a bang and many died
So the Elves did weep and wandered far
Searching along the shores of Valimar
For the SS Rust's shards of wrecked steel

[littlemanpoet]

Searching along the shores of Valimar
For the SS Rust's shards of wrecked steel
Which were drowned far below their keel,
Deep amongst the wrack of sunken Númenor

[Alcarillo]

Which were drowned far below their keel,
Deep amongst the wrack of sunken Númenor
Where the halls and palaces nevermore
Will be seen by eye of mortal man

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Where the halls and palaces nevermore
Will be seen by eye of mortal man

And so the Noldor grumbled (due to the ban)
Thinking they are to blame for Numenor's fall

[Lhunardawen]

And so the Noldor grumbled (due to the ban)
Thinking they are to blame for Numenor's fall
But it was the fault of the men so tall
Who rebelled against the Powers of Arda

[littlemanpoet]

But it was the fault of the men so tall
Who rebelled against the Powers of Arda.
So Feanor wrote himself a magna carta
and declared the Halls of Mandos his garden

[Hookbill the Goomba]

So Feanor wrote himself a magna carta
and declared the Halls of Mandos his garden

Hearing this, Mandos said, "I beg your pardon?"
Then threw a great tantrum that shook the earth

[littlemanpoet]

Hearing this, Mandos said, "I beg your pardon?"
Then threw a great tantrum that shook the earth.
He'd stamped so hard he created a new firth,
the sixth of its kind, thusly named Firth of Sixth

[Oddwen]

He'd stamped so hard he created a new firth,
the sixth of its kind, thusly named Firth of Sixth
The Firth of Sixth, that lay betwixt
The fifth and seventh of the same

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The Firth of Sixth, that lay betwixt
The fifth and seventh of the same

And on Sauron’s head lay all of the blame
For the army that disrupted the discussion

[Alcarillo]

And on Sauron’s head lay all of the blame
For the army that disrupted the discussion.
The army burst upon the field, madly rushin'
To wrest the crown from Gondor's king

[littlemanpoet]

The army burst upon the field, madly rushin'
To wrest the crown from Gondor's king
who threw it with an arm like a wing
into Feanor's newly claimed garden