The Never Ending Poem...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

who threw it with an arm like a wing
into Feanor's newly claimed garden

And Mandos' face began to harden
Becoming stern as an ancient stone

[littlemanpoet]

And Mandos' face began to harden
Becoming stern as an ancient stone,
Causing all the waiting dead to moan,
"Please can't we have our porridge?"

[Alcarillo]

Causing all the waiting dead to moan,
"Please can't we have our porridge?"
"We need it for our ghostly portage,
as our elvish spirits are reborn."

[Hookbill the Goomba]

"We need it for our ghostly portage,
as our elvish spirits are reborn."

All the while Feanor mowed the lawn
Already thinking the new garden won

[Alcarillo]

All the while Feanor mowed the lawn
Already thinking the new garden won
But as he mowed he forgot the blazing sun
Whose fiery heat withered all the plants

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But as he mowed he forgot the blazing sun
Whose fiery heat withered all the plants

As well as his new leather pants
Which he stole from a passing Elf

[Kath]

As well as his new leather pants
Which he stole from a passing Elf
Who in turn had stolen them off a shelf
From the new store just down the road.

[littlemanpoet]

Who in turn had stolen them off a shelf
From the new store just down the road;
which store featured rolls that were throwed,
made of licorice-laced lembas from Valinor's Lórien

[Alcarillo]

which store featured rolls that were throwed,
made of licorice-laced lembas from Valinor's Lórien
In fond memory of the golden tree Laurelin
Chopped apart in days long past

[Hookbill the Goomba]

In fond memory of the golden tree Laurelin
Chopped apart in days long past

Over which a dark shroud was cast
Because the Eldar refused to lament

[Lhunardawen]

Over which a dark shroud was cast
Because the Eldar refused to lament
Much to the anger of not just one Ent:
They shook in rage and scattered their leaves

[littlemanpoet]

Much to the anger of not just one Ent:
They shook in rage and scattered their leaves
and ordered the huorns to put on their sleeves
that made them look like giant hogweeds

[Hookbill the Goomba]

and ordered the huorns to put on their sleeves
that made them look like giant hogweeds

And all laughed at them, even their steeds
For it seemed that they looked rather foolish

[littlemanpoet]

And all laughed at them, even their steeds
For it seemed that they looked rather foolish.
Displeased, the huorns turned suddenly ghoulish
And attacked the unrelenting, unlamenting Eldar

[Alcarillo]

Displeased, the huorns turned suddenly ghoulish
And attacked the unrelenting, unlamenting Eldar
But the elves defended with high-tech missiles and radar
And blew the huorns' planes out of the sky

[Lhunardawen]

But the elves defended with high-tech missiles and radar
And blew the huorns' planes out of the sky
The Eagles quickly prepared to fly
And aid their dear tree friends

[littlemanpoet]

The Eagles quickly prepared to fly
And aid their dear tree friends...
But then Smaug woke up with the bends
most painful, and realized it was all a dream

[Alcarillo]

But then Smaug woke up with the bends
most painful, and realized it was all a dream
To forget the dream he joined a team
Of those who try to forget nightmares

[Hookbill the Goomba]

To forget the dream he joined a team
Of those who try to forget nightmares

And all walked around in 70's flairs
While everyone else laughed at them

[littlemanpoet]

And all walked around in 70's flairs
While everyone else laughed at them
But Smaug liked the decade and the hem
and threatened the mockers with fire

[Alcarillo]

But Smaug liked the decade and the hem
and threatened the mockers with fire
So rather than provoke his ire
They giggled when the dragon wasn't there

[Hookbill the Goomba]

So rather than provoke his ire
They giggled when the dragon wasn't there

All the while, Smaug combed his hair
Into an Afro and walked all the more

[littlemanpoet]

All the while, Smaug combed his hair
Into an Afro and walked all the more
With a swagger to the beat, making for Eriador
Where he hoped to find some Hobbits to eat

[Hookbill the Goomba]

With a swagger to the beat, making for Eriador
Where he hoped to find some Hobbits to eat

Yet soon he had to rest his tired feet.
But some Rangers saw him sleeping

[Oddwen]

Yet soon he had to rest his tired feet.
But some Rangers saw him sleeping
And into his unknown keeping
Placed the murder weapon

[littlemanpoet]

And into his unknown keeping
Placed the murder weapon.
So in his dream he let some
Thief inside his chamber full of gold

[Alcarillo]

So in his dream he let some
Thief inside his chamber full of gold
And the thief stole a relic, dusty and old.
'Twas the diadem of King Bladorthin!

[littlemanpoet]

And the thief stole a relic, dusty and old.
'Twas the diadem of King Bladorthin!
The thief was Bingo, a bad orphan
Bilbo refused to adopt for he'd found another

[Alcarillo]

The thief was Bingo, a bad orphan
Bilbo refused to adopt for he'd found another
One who'd lost his father and mother
In a boating accident on the Brandywine

[Lhunardawen]

The thief was Bingo, a bad orphan
Bilbo refused to adopt for he'd found another
One who had a half-hobbit for a mother
And had half-round, half-pointy ears

[Lhunardawen]

:eek:

One who'd lost his father and mother
In a boating accident on the Brandywine
While they were looking for a place to dine
To celebrate their anniversary

[Alcarillo]

While they were looking for a place to dine
To celebrate their anniversary
Their deaths caused great misery
All throughout the Shire

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Their deaths caused great misery
All throughout the Shire

But Bingo feared not even Dragon Fire
For he poked old Smaug in the eye

[Alcarillo]

But Bingo feared not even Dragon Fire
For he poked old Smaug in the eye
The dragon shouted loud, "Oh my!"
And he chased poor Bingo from his lair

[littlemanpoet]

The dragon shouted loud, "Oh my!"
And he chased poor Bingo from his lair
And right into the cave of a great big bear
Who was on kissing cousin terms with old Beorn

[Alcarillo]

And right into the cave of a great big bear
Who was on kissing cousin terms with old Beorn
The bear chased Bingo until the morn,
And then the bear headed back home

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The bear chased Bingo until the morn,
And then the bear headed back home

For he thought he heard the telephone
But didn’t recall that they did not exist.

[Alcarillo]

For he thought he heard the telephone
But didn’t recall that they did not exist.
But still he did persist
in searching for the phone high and low

[littlemanpoet]

But still he did persist
in searching for the phone high and low
and in so doing found a magical bow,
made from Elven hair and Troll shin

[Lhunardawen]

and in so doing found a magical bow,
made from Elven hair and Troll shin
Feeling suddenly very mean,
He left and looked again for Bingo

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Feeling suddenly very mean,
He left and looked again for Bingo

But instead he only found Ringo
A singer who offered him a drink

[littlemanpoet]

But instead he only found Ringo
A singer who offered him a drink
Which our bear took without a blink
and said, "Ringo, I know a hobbit named Bingo

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Which our bear took without a blink
and said, "Ringo, I know a hobbit named Bingo

"Mock-mock-a-mock" laughed the deranged Ringo
As the idea of Hobbits seemed foolish to him

[Alcarillo]

"Mock-mock-a-mock" laughed the deranged Ringo
As the idea of Hobbits seemed foolish to him
He laughed out, "Are you dim?
Hobbits are fairy-tales, don't you know?"

[littlemanpoet]

He laughed out, "Are you dim?
Hobbits are fairy-tales, don't you know?"
Up walked Bingo, eyeing Ringo his foe.
He shook a leg, saying, "These are Hobbit feet!"

[Alcarillo]

Up walked Bingo, eyeing Ringo his foe.
He shook a leg, saying, "These are Hobbit feet!"
"And this is a hobbit belly filled with hobbit-cooked meat!"
He said, pointing to his stomach. "I'm a hobbit, you see!"

[littlemanpoet]

"And this is a hobbit belly filled with hobbit-cooked meat!"
He said, pointing to his stomach. "I'm a hobbit, you see!"
"Hogwash!" said Ringo, "They're Secondary realitee,
not primaree!" Bingo shook his head and said, "Nutters."

[Alcarillo]

"Hogwash!" said Ringo, "They're Secondary realitee,
not primaree!" Bingo shook his head and said, "Nutters."
"Stupid 'hobbit'," Ringo mutters
And Bingo gave up and walked away

[Hookbill the Goomba]

"Stupid 'hobbit'," Ringo mutters
And Bingo gave up and walked away

Wandering through Loren all day
'Till the Elves threw him in a river

[Alcarillo]

Wandering through Loren all day
'Till the Elves threw him in a river
And piranhas tried to eat his liver,
But Bingo swam safely to the other shore.

[littlemanpoet]

And piranhas tried to eat his liver,
But Bingo swam safely to the other shore.
He thought until his brain was sore
how the evil Hookbill might be foiled :p

[Hookbill the Goomba]

He thought until his brain was sore
how the evil Hookbill might be foiled :p

"I'll put him in a pot to be boiled!"
He cried aloud to the nearby lion

[Alcarillo]

"I'll put him in a pot to be boiled!"
He cried aloud to the nearby lion
But the lion started sadly cryin'.
He hated to think of somebody boiled.

[littlemanpoet]

But the lion started sadly cryin'.
He hated to think of somebody boiled.
Then Smaug woke up again to find his bed soiled,
really upset that these dreams gave him no peace

:p

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Then Smaug woke up again to find his bed soiled,
really upset that these dreams gave him no peace

So now he went to a lawyer to sign the lease
On his seemingly accursed hovel and Barrow

[Bêthberry]

So now he went to a lawyer to sign the lease
On his seemingly accursed hovel and Barrow

Meanwhile, not to harrow the readers, a brief intermezzo a go-go:
It wasn't raining rain you know,
but raining mayonnettes,
which is either a soupcon of spread for sandrinches or
a bloody awful impaling politeness.
So endeth the entr'acte.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Meanwhile, not to harrow the readers, a brief intermezzo a go-go:
It wasn't raining rain you know,
but raining mayonnettes,
which is either a soupcon of spread for sandrinches or
a bloody awful impaling politeness.
So endeth the entr'acte.

But no one saw the ent's face
Laughing at the weeping lion

[Alcarillo]

But no one saw the ent's face
Laughing at the weeping lion
And the lion sniffed and stopped his cryin'
"Why are you laughing?" the lion wailed

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And the lion sniffed and stopped his cryin'
"Why are you laughing?" the lion wailed

But still the Ent, his arms he flailed
And then danced a very silly dance

[Elennar Starfire]

But still the Ent, his arms he flailed
And then danced a very silly dance

To accompanying music of entish chants
And the lion sniffled and blew his nose

[Kath]

To accompanying music of entish chants
And the lion sniffled and blew his nose
And handed the Ent a dark red rose
To thank him for his dance

[Alcarillo]

And handed the Ent a dark red rose
To thank him for his dance
The lion said, "When will my next chance
To see you dance come?"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The lion said, "When will my next chance
To see you dance come?"

The Ent then raised a lowly thumb http://forum.barrowdowns.com/ubb/icons/icon14.gif
And vanished into the forest green

[Kath]

The Ent then raised a lowly thumb
And vanished into the forest green
"That was mean!"
Cried the lion in sadness.

[Alcarillo]

"That was mean!"
Cried the lion in sadness.
But soon he found endless gladness
As an entish conga line marched from the gloom

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But soon he found endless gladness
As an entish conga line marched from the gloom

But they chanted an ancient song of Doom
Telling of how the lions would soon be dead

[Alcarillo]

But they chanted an ancient song of Doom
Telling of how the lions would soon be dead
And how this particular lion would lose his head!
So the lion scampered away in fright

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And how this particular lion would lose his head!
So the lion scampered away in fright

Until he saw what looked like a shining light
But it turned out to be Sauron's big red eye

[littlemanpoet]

Until he saw what looked like a shining light
But it turned out to be Sauron's big red eye.
"Meat!!" roared the lion and jumped on high,
for he was nearsighted and not very bright

[Alcarillo]

"Meat!!" roared the lion and jumped on high,
for he was nearsighted and not very bright
And he leapt into the burning red light.
He burst into flames when he hit Sauron's fires

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And he leapt into the burning red light.
He burst into flames when he hit Sauron's fires

Which Denethor admired as much as his pyres
And he wrote in his diary about his discovery

[Alcarillo]

Which Denethor admired as much as his pyres
And he wrote in his diary about his discovery
Dear Diary, during my recovery
from my last encounter with fire I found

[littlemanpoet]

Dear Diary, during my recovery
from my last encounter with fire I found
"That living flesh cooks well bound or unbound
and my son whom I hate may receive such a fate

[Alcarillo]

"That living flesh cooks well bound or unbound
and my son whom I hate may receive such a fate
If he fails to satisfactorily satiate
My undying hunger for torches and candles.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

If he fails to satisfactorily satiate
My undying hunger for torches and candles.

And yet I fear all of the terrible scandals
That the press will print about all of this

[Gurthang]

And yet I fear all of the terrible scandals
That the press will print about all of this

And all who read will be full of bliss,
From seeing their Steward on fire.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And all who read will be full of bliss,
From seeing their Steward on fire.

Then he had a thought most dire!
What he was writing made no sense!

[Gurthang]

Then he had a thought most dire!
What he was writing made no sense!

So to satisfy his conscience,
He drenched the journal in oil.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

So to satisfy his conscience,
He drenched the journal in oil.

Yet the Ent's blood* began to boil
For the paper was made of trees



*Or their equivalent

[littlemanpoet]

Yet the Ent's blood* began to boil
For the paper was made of trees
So he sent his pollen to make Denethor sneeze
and put the fire out, staying Faramir's fate

[Alcarillo]

So he sent his pollen to make Denethor sneeze
and put the fire out, staying Faramir's fate
But Denethor then became very irate
And he took up torch and ax and attacked the ents

[littlemanpoet]

But Denethor then became very irate
And he took up torch and ax and attacked the ents
But twelve sabre-weildingHaradrim came out of their tents
That no-one had seen till that very moment

[Alcarillo]

But twelve sabre-weilding Haradrim came out of their tents
That no-one had seen till that very moment
They greased their blades with poison potent
And chased Denethor from the ents in wrath

[Hookbill the Goomba]

They greased their blades with poison potent
And chased Denethor from the ents in wrath

Who fell then into a large and jelly-filled bath
But the Orcs were eating it and were mad

[Alcarillo]

Who fell then into a large and jelly-filled bath
But the Orcs were eating it and were mad
But Faramir was in fact quite glad.
It cheered him to see his father pursued

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But Faramir was in fact quite glad.
It cheered him to see his father pursued

Yet the steward's anger grew to a feud
Which caused him to leap over the city wall

[littlemanpoet]

Yet the steward's anger grew to a feud
Which caused him to leap over the city wall
But that was the movie where he had a great fall
and all the steward's horses and all the steward's men

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But that was the movie where he had a great fall
and all the steward's horses and all the steward's men

Couldn't write it all down with Denethor's weird pen*
Which meant it was forgotten and all were sad


* :p

[littlemanpoet]

Couldn't write it all down with Denethor's weird pen
Which meant it was forgotten and all were sad.
So Denethor found himself no longer mad,
ensconced in the Halls of Mandos; except

[Alcarillo]

So Denethor found himself no longer mad,
ensconced in the Halls of Mandos; except
When poor old sad Nienna wept
And the Halls were flooded with her tears

[littlemanpoet]

When poor old sad Nienna wept
And the Halls were flooded with her tears.
Denethor climbed to high ground, overcome almost by his fears,
But the Halls were flushed empty by some unknown gadget

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Denethor climbed to high ground, overcome almost by his fears,
But the Halls were flushed empty by some unknown gadget

And Mandos, with Melkor, made a bet
Over the amount of water in the hall

[Alcarillo]

And Mandos, with Melkor, made a bet
Over the amount of water in the hall
And so began a titanic brawl
When Melkor lost the expensive bet

[littlemanpoet]

And so began a titanic brawl
When Melkor lost the expensive bet
which placed him deep in Mandos' debt;
Feanor was the referee as they stomped and tumbled

[Hookbill the Goomba]

which placed him deep in Mandos' debt;
Feanor was the referee as they stomped and tumbled

Yet at Melkor, he sourly grumbled
Recalling what the dark one stole

[littlemanpoet]

Yet at Melkor, he sourly grumbled
Recalling what the dark one stole,
And took the first chance to achieve his goal:
He called a foul and disqualified Melkor

[Alcarillo]

And took the first chance to achieve his goal:
He called a foul and disqualified Melkor
But Melkor attempted to ignore
Feanor's biased, vengeful declarations

[littlemanpoet]

But Melkor attempted to ignore
Feanor's biased, vengeful declarations,
Unaware that Feanor's real intentions
were to annex the Halls and kick Mandos out

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Unaware that Feanor's real intentions
were to annex the Halls and kick Mandos out

But Mandos had a teapot, short and stout,
Which he swung at Feanor's face and teeth

[littlemanpoet]

But Mandos had a teapot, short and stout,
Which he swung at Feanor's face and teeth.
But Feanor deftly ducked underneath;
Melkor used the distraction to give such a kick

[Alcarillo]

But Feanor deftly ducked underneath;
Melkor used the distraction to give such a kick
To Feanor that he collapsed and began to feel sick.
Mandos and Melkor ganged up him then

[littlemanpoet]

To Feanor that he collapsed and began to feel sick.
Mandos and Melkor ganged up him then
but were suddenly transfixed by Luthien
who sang like a bird and flew like a bat

[Hookbill the Goomba]

but were suddenly transfixed by Luthien
who sang like a bird and flew like a bat

But the image was ruined by her new hat
That was orange and as big as a cathedral

[littlemanpoet]

But the image was ruined by her new hat
That was orange and as big as a cathedral.
A whirring thing above it seemed like a gyro steeple;
Mandos, Feanor, and Melkor all ducked to avoid it

[Hookbill the Goomba]

A whirring thing above it seemed like a gyro steeple;
Mandos, Feanor, and Melkor all ducked to avoid it

But in doing so, fell into a dark and strange pit
Filled with a strange substance that smelled odd. (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Ontoyou.jpg)

[littlemanpoet]

But in doing so, fell into a dark and strange pit
Filled with a strange substance that smelled odd.
In the cellars of the Halls were legions of dead cod!
And the freezer had died. The gods fled the scene

[Alcarillo]

In the cellars of the Halls were legions of dead cod!
And the freezer had died. The gods fled the scene,
Heading for places more comfortable and clean.
They raced to the Hall's elegant lobby

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Heading for places more comfortable and clean.
They raced to the Hall's elegant lobby

Where Mandos told them of his hobby,
Collecting Cloaks left by Gandalf the grey

[littlemanpoet]

Where Mandos told them of his hobby,
Collecting Cloaks left by Gandalf the grey
"As if collecting the dead didn't fill your day!"
said Feanor as he shut and locked them outside

[Alcarillo]

"As if collecting the dead didn't fill your day!"
said Feanor as he shut and locked them outside
And he curled up near Námo's fireside
Glad to be rid of the two Valar

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And he curled up near Námo's fireside
Glad to be rid of the two Valar

Who now played golf to a par
And drank tea and ate biscuits

[Alcarillo]

Who now played golf to a par
And drank tea and ate biscuits
And for dinner dined on tasty briskets
And did all sorts of Britishy things

[littlemanpoet]

And for dinner dined on tasty briskets
And did all sorts of Britishy things
Which they'd picked up while on a fling
In anakronistic Mordor, more's the pity

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Which they'd picked up while on a fling
In anakronistic Mordor, more's the pity

Where all the people are incredibly witty
Watching over the once wheeled mountain

[littlemanpoet]

Where all the people are incredibly witty
Watching over the once wheeled mountain
As Skittles tries to eat a fountain
And Malfoidacil attempts to uncloak

[Alcarillo]

As Skittles tries to eat a fountain
And Malfoidacil attempts to uncloak
And Alc becomes a very confused bloke
Not having read these whimsical tales

[littlemanpoet]

And Alc becomes a very confused bloke
Not having read these whimsical tales
So as the plot got lost down a rabbit trail
It was eventually saved by Bombadil

[Alcarillo]

So as the plot got lost down a rabbit trail
It was eventually saved by Bombadil
Who took the plot to the top of a hill
To watch the clouds go drifting by

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Who took the plot to the top of a hill
To watch the clouds go drifting by

Some may say this thread will soon assuredly die
if someone other than me, lmp or Alc won't post :p

[Alcarillo]

Some may say this thread will soon assuredly die
if someone other than me, lmp or Alc won't post :p
Then I propose a formal toast
To the survival of this noble thread!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Then I propose a formal toast
To the survival of this noble thread!

As it did not rot like a Wight who was dead
And yet still annoyed Tom Bombadill at night

[Alcarillo]

As it did not rot like a Wight who was dead
And yet still annoyed Tom Bombadill at night
When he often woke up and grabbed a light
To investigate the doings of that wight

[littlemanpoet]

When he often woke up and grabbed a light
To investigate the doings of that wight
Such as once in June toward twilight
He went barrowdowning and what did he see

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Such as once in June toward twilight
He went barrowdowning and what did he see

Nothing but an old perky Ent! A walking, talking tree!
So he complained to the BW about this monstrosity

[Alcarillo]

Nothing but an old perky Ent! A walking, talking tree!
So he complained to the BW about this monstrosity
And the Barrow-wight answered with sage veracity:
"The Perky Ent is an oxymoron, a paradox, you see.

[littlemanpoet]

And the Barrow-wight answered with sage veracity:
"The Perky Ent is an oxymoron, a paradox, you see.
Old Tom said "Don't chop logic with me!
Back to your barrow with you!"

[Alcarillo]

Old Tom said "Don't chop logic with me!
Back to your barrow with you!"
And the Barrow Wight just had to spew
his coffee everywhere when he heard this twaddle

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And the Barrow Wight just had to spew
his coffee everywhere when he heard this twaddle

And stamp his transparent feet in a large puddle
Until he realised that, as a ghost, he didn't splash

[Alcarillo]

And stamp his transparent feet in a large puddle
Until he realised that, as a ghost, he didn't splash
And when in anger he tried to smash
Breakable things, his hand moved right through!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And when in anger he tried to smash
Breakable things, his hand moved right through!

And ended up in someone else’s and said, "boo"
After all, he is a ghost and had to do his duties.

[littlemanpoet]

And ended up in someone else’s and said, "boo"
After all, he is a ghost and had to do his duties.
"Who knew fellow wights could be ravishing beauties?"
Said the Wight to the Wightess whose hand he'd uncaressed

[Gurthang]

"Who knew fellow wights could be ravishing beauties?"
Said the Wight to the Wightess whose hand he'd uncaressed

Though she thought him not dashing, only charming at best,
So she rushed through a wall with a wave and a wink. ;)

[Alcarillo]

Though she thought him not dashing, only charming at best,
So she rushed through a wall with a wave and a wink. ;)
And the Barrow-Wight began to think
About how to win the lady's ghostly heart.

PS - Gurthang, thank goodness you're here! There's been nobody but Hookbill, Elempi and I for pages now!

Edit - Er, maybe I was exaggerating, but there has been a lack of other posters.

[littlemanpoet]

And the Barrow-Wight began to think
About how to win the lady's ghostly heart.
Far back he had to think about the amorous arts,
For it had been Ages of years since he'd died

[Alcarillo]

Far back he had to think about the amorous arts,
For it had been Ages of years since he'd died
And even more years back since he first tried
To woo the heart of a lady fair

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And even more years back since he first tried
To woo the heart of a lady fair

But suddenly he was attacked by a bear!
So Mr Wight ran for the hills in terror

[littlemanpoet]

But suddenly he was attacked by a bear!
So Mr Wight ran for the hills in terror
But the lady wight realizing her error
Chased after the bear in a rage

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But the lady wight realizing her error
Chased after the bear in a rage

But as the poet turned another page
The Wight lady lost her footing and fell

[littlemanpoet]

But as the poet turned another page
The Wight lady lost her footing and fell
To a doom most dire, so the loremasters tell;
Her fate shrouded in mystery like Entwives

[Gurthang]

To a doom most dire, so the loremasters tell;
Her fate shrouded in mystery like Entwives

And became a legend elves tell all their lives.
But as for the Barrow-Wight, it's sad to say,

[Alcarillo]

And became a legend elves tell all their lives.
But as for the Barrow-Wight, it's sad to say,
He never again saw the light of day,
For he hid himself deep in his barrow

[Hookbill the Goomba]

He never again saw the light of day,
For he hid himself deep in his barrow

Where he shook from bone to marrow
All the while Hobbits stole all his food

[littlemanpoet]

Where he shook from bone to marrow
All the while Hobbits stole all his food,
Which put him into a terrible mood,
So that he felt he needed a vacation

[Alcarillo]

Which put him into a terrible mood,
So that he felt he needed a vacation
So he packed up his bags and sailed to a nation
Far in the sunny southern seas.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

So he packed up his bags and sailed to a nation
Far in the sunny southern seas.

Where he caught a nasty disease
And began to smell of dead fish

[littlemanpoet]

Where he caught a nasty disease
And began to smell of dead fish.
Being blind, he felt for a dish
of cod which would not have worked

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Being blind, he felt for a dish
of cod which would not have worked


And all the Hobbits there smirked
As the Wight began to weep out loud

[Gurthang]

And all the Hobbits there smirked
As the Wight began to weep out loud

Because, he now knew, no place could be found,
Where Hobbits did not find and terrorize him.

[Alcarillo]

Because, he now knew, no place could be found,
Where Hobbits did not find and terrorize him.
Oh! To have a fate so agonizingly grim
Tormented the poor Wight's soul

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Oh! To have a fate so agonizingly grim
Tormented the poor Wight's soul

While he drank Orc soup from a bowl
Yet found that it tasted as awful as ever

[Gurthang]

While he drank Orc soup from a bowl
Yet found that it tasted as awful as ever

And agreed with Gollum that he would rather
Not eat at all then munch on an orc.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And agreed with Gollum that he would rather
Not eat at all then munch on an orc.

He was not like Gandalf who had pork
and ate while in Saruman's best shed

[Alcarillo]

He was not like Gandalf who had pork
and ate while in Saruman's best shed
Where Saruman gave food and bed
to all guests, no matter how mighty

[littlemanpoet]

He was not like Gandalf who had pork
and ate while in Saruman's best shed
And as he mulled, the Barrow Wight dropped dead,
Which meant that nothing had changed

[Alcarillo]

And as he mulled, the Barrow Wight dropped dead,
Which meant that nothing had changed
As this poem continues, it gets more deranged
as you shall see in these next verses.

[Gurthang]

As this poem continues, it gets more deranged
as you shall see in these next verses.

But, before we speak a whole string of curses,
We'll tell you how the Elves were awakened.

[Alcarillo]

But, before we speak a whole string of curses,
We'll tell you how the Elves were awakened.
And how, once awake, they were hastened
One summer's eve, to trek into the West.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And how, once awake, they were hastened
One summer's eve, to trek into the West.

For, t'was said, Manwe's Barbeques are best
So they all wanted to get there before Melkor

[Alcarillo]

For, t'was said, Manwe's Barbeques are best
So they all wanted to get there before Melkor
That greedy Vala, rotten to the core,
Always ate half the burgers at every divine party.

[symestreem]

That greedy Vala, rotten to the core,
Always ate half the burgers at every divine party.

Which was perfectly logical, for his appetite hearty,
Provided him strength to work his evil designs...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Which was perfectly logical, for his appetite hearty,
Provided him strength to work his evil designs...

He would then drink all the red and white wines
Becoming increasingly violent and unsociable

[littlemanpoet]

He would then drink all the red and white wines
Becoming increasingly violent and unsociable
Though Vana* pleaded, his ire was not negotiable
So Vana called Arien to tan his hide

*books not handy - which one is the wisdom Vala?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Though Vana* pleaded, his ire was not negotiable
So Vana called the Sun** to tan his hide

But in great anger and annoyance the sun cried,
"He hath such a hide that maketh the blood boil"

[Alcarillo]

But in great anger and annoyance the sun cried,
"He hath such a hide that maketh the blood boil"
And so she began to toil
To sunburn the unwary Melkor

Lmp: Arien rides the sun, but I don't know who personifies wisdom. Mandos, maybe? He's the Vala of prophecy and fately things... :confused:

[symestreem]

And so she began to toil
To sunburn the unwary Melkor


And from the evil brow, the sweat began to pour,
Until he looked down and cried, "Curse the dark depths of Thangorodrim! Now I need a higher SPF!"

[Gurthang]

And from the evil brow, the sweat began to pour,
Until he looked down and cried, "Curse the dark depths of Thangorodrim! Now I need a higher SPF!"

"Or this horrible Sun will fry me to death!"
So he soaked himself in 80 proof oil.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

"Or this horrible Sun will fry me to death!"
So he soaked himself in 80 proof oil.

Then he began to roll around in the soil
Making the worms feel more nervous

[Alcarillo]

Then he began to roll around in the soil
Making the worms feel more nervous
But Melkor sure felt impervious
To the sun's scorching rays

[symestreem]

But Melkor sure felt impervious
To the sun's scorching rays

Not surprising, since he was coated in clay!
Now instead of burning, he got a horrible skin rash...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Not surprising, since he was coated in clay!
Now instead of burning, he got a horrible skin rash...

And to everyone's surprise, he did the Moster mash
So, it was not long before everyone else joined in

[littlemanpoet]

And to everyone's surprise, he did the Moster mash
So, it was not long before everyone else joined in
Except for Arien, who with haughty chin
Turned her back and caused an eclipse

[Alcarillo]

Except for Arien, who with haughty chin
Turned her back and caused an eclipse
She sat in the sky, with pouty lips,
Refusing to join the dance below

[symestreem]

She sat in the sky, with pouty lips,
Refusing to join the dance below

Because she'd been slighted by her beau--
Tilion was mooning over Vana!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Because she'd been slighted by her beau--
Tilion was mooning over Vana!

But he was distracted by a banana
That Melkor used to annoy the monkeys

[littlemanpoet]

But he was distracted by a banana
That Melkor used to annoy the monkeys
The king of whom rode a piebald donkey
And wore Pharazon's lost crown

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The king of whom rode a piebald donkey
And wore Pharazon's lost crown

As well as being dressed as a clown
With red nose, large shoes and all

[Alcarillo]

As well as being dressed as a clown
With red nose, large shoes and all
And the Monkey-Clown-King took a great fall
And landed at sweet Vana's feet

[Gil-Galad]

And the Monkey-Clown-King took a great fall
And landed at sweet Vana's feet

And sweet Vana offered him a seat
right next to her stable-boy

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And sweet Vana offered him a seat
right next to her stable-boy

It turned out to be a great big ploy
To get the monkey to sit on a pin

[Alcarillo]

It turned out to be a great big ploy
To get the monkey to sit on a pin
But the monkey had a rump of tin!
He barely felt the pointy needle

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But the monkey had a rump of tin!
He barely felt the pointy needle

Then he turned out to be Jeremy Beadle
And the Valar were on his new TV show

[Gil-Galad]

Then he turned out to be Jeremy Beadle
And the Valar were on his new TV show


But the Valar thought that was low
and they turned him into an Orange!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But the Valar thought that was low
and they turned him into an Orange!

Manwe said," the show was called 'Blorange'
So we must take his house and home

[Alcarillo]

Manwe said," the show was called 'Blorange'
So we must take his house and home
And homeless he shall have to roam,
begging as a pauper in the streets."

[littlemanpoet]

And homeless he shall have to roam,
begging as a pauper in the streets."
Radagast woke up: he'd been weeping in his sheets.
"What a horrible dream!" he said, and resolved

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Radagast woke up: he'd been weeping in his sheets.
"What a horrible dream!" he said, and resolved

To make sure that the Valar all dissolved
But he realised he had no such power

[Alcarillo]

To make sure that the Valar all dissolved
But he realised he had no such power
So he left Rhosgobel's tower
To search the world for someone who did

[Gurthang]

So he left Rhosgobel's tower But across the globe no one was found who would rid
The Circles of Arda of their group of creators.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But across the globe no one was found who would rid
The Circles of Arda of their group of creators.

Nor, indeed, of museum curators,
Who had now plagued the Shire

[Alcarillo]

Nor, indeed, of museum curators,
Who had now plagued the Shire
A war broke out! You could hear gunfire!
Every hobbit fought the curator invaders

[Gil-Galad]

A war broke out! You could hear gunfire!
Every hobbit fought the curator invaders

And this war was serious to the Hobbits because they forgot about their Taters,
And soon the war spread to the Havens which are Grey! not Silver!

[Alcarillo]

And this war was serious to the Hobbits because they forgot about their Taters,
And soon the war spread to the Havens which are Grey! not Silver!
Gil-Galad, you, um...er... bilver!
No true word rhymes with that which you just said!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gil-Galad, you, um...er... bilver!
No true word rhymes with that which you just said!

But when the curators were all very dead
The hobbits invited the Wizards to tea

[littlemanpoet]

But when the curators were all very dead
The hobbits invited the Wizards to tea,
And were surprised when all three,
one Brown and two Blue, showed up on time


*....miniver
kill her
dill verse
fill hers
hill curse
milner
Nilper
piller
still her
until her
*
get the point? ;)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And were surprised when all three,
one Brown and two Blue, showed up on time

It was hard for the shire folk to think of a rhyme
But when Gandalf arrived, everything changed

[Alcarillo]

It was hard for the shire folk to think of a rhyme
But when Gandalf arrived, everything changed
The hobbits sprouted fur and became fanged!
The werehobbits chased the wizards for a month.

Ha! Try rhyming that.

[littlemanpoet]

The hobbits sprouted fur and became fanged!
The werehobbits chased the wizards for a month.

Ha! Try rhyming that.
The Blue and the Brown cried, "You little runts!
Don't you dare bite us or we'll be diminutive!

once
bunce
bunt
runt
stunt
front

[Alcarillo]

once
bunce
bunt
runt
stunt
If you had a lisp! :p
The Blue and the Brown cried, "You little runts!
Don't you dare bite us or we'll be diminutive!
And their voices in anger rose an octave
As though they had breathed in helium

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And their voices in anger rose an octave
As though they had breathed in helium

But the Hobbits were called by their mum
To go and eat their tea and stop hunting

[Alcarillo]

But the Hobbits were called by their mum
To go and eat their tea and stop hunting
And to help set up the patriotic bunting
For today was a national celebration

[littlemanpoet]

And to help set up the patriotic bunting
For today was a national celebration
Despite the lack of anything like a nation,
For the Hobbits didn't care, wanting a party

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Despite the lack of anything like a nation,
For the Hobbits didn't care, wanting a party

And they had a night that was most hearty
Dancing and singing songs so very loud...

[littlemanpoet]

And they had a night that was most hearty
Dancing and singing songs so very loud...
Some of their brightest had studied themselves proud
And made fireworks the like even Gandalf would make

[Alcarillo]

Some of their brightest had studied themselves proud
And made fireworks the like even Gandalf would make
Though everybody knew Gandalf's were fake.
His were cheap things manufactured in Rhun

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Though everybody knew Gandalf's were fake.
His were cheap things manufactured in Rhun

But, all the same, they were still quite fun
And could be used to shoot Nazgûl down

[Alcarillo]

But, all the same, they were still quite fun
And could be used to shoot Nazgûl down
They turned the Witch-king into quite a clown
when he fell into Lobelia's lap!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

They turned the Witch-king into quite a clown
when he fell into Lobelia's lap!

And so his arms began to flap
Attempting to fly like a fool

[littlemanpoet]

And so his arms began to flap
Attempting to fly like a fool
With gallons of insubstantial drool
falling from his negative Ringworld gobs

[Alcarillo]

With gallons of insubstantial drool
falling from his negative Ringworld gobs
And his golden pocketwatch fobs
became tangled in Lobelia's dress

[littlemanpoet]

And his golden pocketwatch fobs
became tangled in Lobelia's dress.
She cried, "Ack, what a mess!
Then turned into the spider she's named for

[Hookbill the Goomba]

She cried, "Ack, what a mess!
Then turned into the spider she's named for

Because Gandalf thought her a dreadful bore
And he waved his staff and stroked his beard

[Elennar Starfire]

Because Gandalf thought her a dreadful bore
And he waved his staff and stroked his beard

And at the spider closely peered
Then set her on his pointy hat

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And at the spider closely peered
Then set her on his pointy hat

Then she ate it and grew very fat
So much so, that she imploded

[Alcarillo]

Then she ate it and grew very fat
So much so, that she imploded
And Gandalf's fireworks exploded
As the 1812 Overture began to play

[littlemanpoet]

And Gandalf's fireworks exploded
As the 1812 Overture began to play
And the Ringwraith's unseen hair turned gray
And mini-Lobelia spun a web among the sparks

[Alcarillo]

And the Ringwraith's unseen hair turned gray
And mini-Lobelia spun a web among the sparks
As the fireworks exploded in great arcs!
Colorful and bright lights filled the sky.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

As the fireworks exploded in great arcs!
Colorful and bright lights filled the sky.

And the Ring wraith's left their cloaks to dry
In the heat made by the exploding fireworks

[littlemanpoet]

And the Ring wraith's left their cloaks to dry
In the heat made by the exploding fireworks
But the wind blew the cloaks into the murk
Of the neeker breekering Midgewater Marshes

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But the wind blew the cloaks into the murk
Of the neeker breekering Midgewater Marshes

And they cried for a lack of rhyme for marshes
Thus causing the Nazgûl to attack to Wizard

[littlemanpoet]

And they cried for a lack of rhyme for marshes
Thus causing the Nazgûl to attack to Wizard
Who rebuffed the attack by causing a blizzard
That went down in lore as one of the harshest ;)

(or 'worst', if you need me to edit it....)

bar chest
marshes
darkest
harkened
larkses
parks it
tark hit
work it

..lllllots of possibilities..... ;)

[Alcarillo]

Who rebuffed the attack by causing a blizzard
That went down in lore as one of the harshest
"The snowfall will be the sparsest!"
said the innacurate weatherman

[Hookbill the Goomba]

"The snowfall will be the sparsest!"
said the innacurate weatherman

Who was later beaten up by Sam
Because his taters would not grow

[Gil-Galad]

Who was later beaten up by Sam
Because his taters would not grow


Then The Weatherman decided go,
He knows when hes no loved.

[littlemanpoet]

Then The Weatherman decided go,
He knew he was not loved.
To Weathertop he went, where he shoved
from the top a Troll gnawing a shinbone

[littlemanpoet]

To Weathertop he went, where he shoved
from the top a Troll gnawing a shinbone;
the troll turned into a hambone
and Sam woke up to find he'd dreamt the whole thing.

~The End?~

[Hookbill the Goomba]

the troll turned into a hambone
and Sam woke up to find he'd dreamt the whole thing.

With that, he slowly began to sing
A song of chickens and of snow

[Gil-Galad]

With that, he slowly began to sing
A song of chickens and of snow

The Song was distracting sam as he stubbed his toe,
and yelled a yell that scared the chickens and snow.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The Song was distracting sam as he stubbed his toe,
and yelled a yell that scared the chickens and snow.

Slowly, he began to stumble too and fro
While Frodo laughed from up in a tree

[littlemanpoet]

Slowly, he began to stumble too and fro
While Frodo laughed from up in a tree
And made no attempt to hide his glee,
So Sam got miffed and tried to think up

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And made no attempt to hide his glee,
So Sam got miffed and tried to think up

A way to steal Frodo's favourite cup
For that would surly get him down

[Gil-Galad]

A way to steal Frodo's favourite cup
For that would surly get him down

So Same went into Town,
To the Theives Guild he went to learn

[Kath]

So Same went into Town,
To the Theives Guild he went to learn

But the Alchemists caused it to burn
To the ground so he switched to the Assassin's instead

[Alcarillo]

But the Alchemists caused it to burn
To the ground so he switched to the Assassin's instead
But on his first day, when he got out of bed,
He found he had slept to noon!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But on his first day, when he got out of bed,
He found he had slept to noon!

So he shook his fists at the moon
Till he realised it was actually the sun

[littlemanpoet]

So he shook his fists at the moon
Till he realised it was actually the sun
And momentarily blinded, he lapsed into a pun
About putrid poets who write doggerel verse

[Gurthang]

And momentarily blinded, he lapsed into a pun
About putrid poets who write doggerel verse

But at work his boss was still very terse,
And said that for his health he mustn't stay.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But at work his boss was still very terse,
And said that for his health he mustn't stay.

Otherwise he would surly have to pay
For all the damage he made with drink

[littlemanpoet]

Otherwise he would surly have to pay
For all the damage he made with drink
But his boss was the Gaffer, which made Sam blink
and said, "Who're you to talk so about damage

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But his boss was the Gaffer, which made Sam blink
and said, "Who're you to talk so about damage

I think you're going daft in your old age."
So they had to get an old wizard to help...

[littlemanpoet]

I think you're going daft in your old age."
So they had to get an old wizard to help...
And they found one who specialized in kelp.
He was sure its magical powers would cure anything

[Meneltarmacil]

And they found one who specialized in kelp.
He was sure its magical powers would cure anything
But all he did was make it sing.
Though it sang of far-off lands,

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But all he did was make it sing.
Though it sang of far-off lands,

And all of his previous bands.
Yet now Sam slowly fell asleep

[littlemanpoet]

And all of his previous bands.
Yet now Sam slowly fell asleep
And dreamed of hambones all in a heap
cleaned of meat by a mean old Troll

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And dreamed of hambones all in a heap
cleaned of meat by a mean old Troll

But all of a sudden he was hit with a Doll
Wielded by a young hobbit all in green

[littlemanpoet]

But all of a sudden he was hit with a Doll
Wielded by a young hobbit all in green.
The Trall that rhymes with doll vented his spleen
and hit the young hobbit with his uncle's shin bone

[Meneltarmacil]

The Trall that rhymes with doll vented his spleen
and hit the young hobbit with his uncle's shin bone
But he saw the sun and turned to stone.
So the Hobbit, saved from the brink of death,

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But he saw the sun and turned to stone.
So the Hobbit, saved from the brink of death,

But he then decided to shout "Macbeth"
In order to annoy the superstitious ones

[littlemanpoet]

But he then decided to shout "Macbeth"
In order to annoy the superstitious ones
Who feared anakronisms as if they were guns,
So the credulous hobbits demanded his head

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Who feared anakronisms as if they were guns,
So the credulous hobbits demanded his head

Then, instead, they were given a loaf of bread
For it was the season of the wheat harvest

[Volo]

Then, instead, they were given a loaf of bread
For it was the season of the wheat harvest

When young hobbits are full after the fest
And penguins fly without their heads