The Never Ending Poem...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

No idea if this has been done before. But it probably has, so sorry in advance if it has.

The idea of this 'game' is simple. Almost a mixture of 'Fortunately / Unfortunately' and 'Be careful what you wish for' in its arrangement.

We begin an epic quest into the unknown, the unusual and the down right stupid. I'll begin the proceedings; so don't worry (or maybe you should, actually). I'll write a line of a poem, and then the next person will add two lines. It must be in rhyming couplets, so hopefully, it'll go like this:

One Downer:
"Old Tom Bombadill is a merry fellow"

Second Downer:
"Old Tom Bombadill is a merry fellow"
"His face was red and his arms yellow
So he went to the doctors for a check,"

Third:
"His face was red and his arms yellow
So he went to the doctors for a check,"
"But the wild birds, they did peck
At old Tom's face and his feet"

...

Hope that's all understood. Here goeth the adventure that will go down in history and last a lunchtime!

"In ancient times, a tale began..."

Good luck folk.

[JennyHallu]

Of those who Stayed and those who Ran.
Cowardice treated many so well...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Of those who Stayed and those who Ran.
Cowardice treated many so well...

Untill it happened, that they fell
down into a Dragon's Den...

[Anguirel]

Untill it happened, that they fell
down into a Dragon's Den...

Inhabited by an old hen.
Among the hoard did lie her eggs...

[Alcarillo]

Inhabited by an old hen.
Among the hoard did lie her eggs...
Protected by her chicken legs.
And when one single egg would stir . . .

[JennyHallu]

Inhabited by an old hen.
Among the hoard did lie her eggs...

"Spare me!" the First Runner begs.
The old hen cackled and puffed her chest.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Protected by her chicken legs.
And when one single egg would stir . . .

All were then covered in a blur
with feathers and a great mess

[JennyHallu]

All were then covered in a blur
with feathers and a great mess

The first runner shouted "I must confess,"
"I am awfully allergic to birds."

[Alcarillo]

The first runner shouted "I must confess,"
"I am awfully allergic to birds."
"We're only asthma-ridden nerds.
In fact, I speak an Elvish tongue . . .

[Hookbill the Goomba]

"We're only asthma-ridden nerds.
In fact, I speak an Elvish tongue" . . .

Yet, long the minstrel sung
of how they escaped by the ladder...

[Gurthang]

Yet, long the minstrel sung
of how they escaped by the ladder...

And how, once up, they all did scatter,
For out followed the hen, mad with hate...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And how, once up, they all did scatter,
For out followed the hen, mad with hate...

Hurled he at them, a priceless plate.
The Dwarves did see this and gasped...

[Roa_Aoife]

Hurled he at them, a priceless plate.
The Dwarves did see this and gasped...

To their chests their hands they clasped
And let out a terrible cry

[Hookbill the Goomba]

To their chests their hands they clasped
And let out a terrible cry

Oh, how they did wish to die
Rather than see this terrible fate

[Alcarillo]

Oh, how they did wish to die
Rather than see this terrible fate
O! A broken antique china plate!
The treasure destroyed, they gasped in grief . . .

[Hookbill the Goomba]

O! A broken antique china plate!
The treasure destroyed, they gasped in grief . . .

But all did stare then in disbelief
As now, Elrond himself approached.

[Glirdan]

But all did stare then in disbelief
As now, Elrond himself approached.

With egg from the hen which he did poach.
He cried "O where is the Ham!?"

[Meneltarmacil]

With egg from the hen which he did poach.
He cried "O where is the Ham!?"
"Searching far and wide I am,
And never yet have found what I seek,

[Alcarillo]

"Searching far and wide I am,
And never yet have found what I seek,
"I've looked from ocean depth to mountain peak,
And I've not found the perfect meal . . .

[Gil-Galad]

"I've looked from ocean depth to mountain peak,
And I've not found the perfect meal . . .


Then she turned cried a high shriek and turned Teal,
only eeries, three-toed foot-prints remain...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Then she turned cried a high shriek and turned Teal,
only eeries, three-toed foot-prints remain...

So it was that all had to restrain
Elrond's wroth at the egg thief

[Lalwendë]

So it was that all had to restrain
Elrond's wroth at the egg thief

Who wore no more than a fig leaf
Underneath a tatty grey cloak












This is amusing and surreal, it reminds me of the little rhymes under the Rupert the Bear stories. :D

[JennyHallu]

Who wore no more than a fig leaf
Underneath a tatty grey cloak

He tormented the Elf with a poke!
And turned tail and ran far away.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

He tormented the Elf with a poke!
And turned tail and ran far away.

He ran and ran till break of day
Where he saw a mountain of fire...

[JennyHallu]

He ran and ran till break of day
Where he saw a mountain of fire...

The mountain was scary; indeed most dire.
It zoomed 'cross the land with a WHEEEE!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The mountain was scary; indeed most dire.
It zoomed 'cross the land with a WHEEEE!

The Mount careered into a tree,
For Sauron the driver was drunk...

[Bêthberry]

The Mount careered into a tree,
For Sauron the driver was drunk...


Hitting the trunk with a thunk,
the poem, it almost ended.

[Roa_Aoife]

Hitting the trunk with a thunk,
the poem, it almost ended.

But the story teller contended
That the tale had farther to go

[JennyHallu]

But the story teller contended
That the tale had farther to go

"For we cannot let it end in woe"
Quoth the wizard, viewing the mountain, with a grin.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

"For we cannot let it end in woe"
Quoth the wizard, viewing the mountain, with a grin.

But no one listened for he stunk of gin
And sung songs of fish and pie...

[JennyHallu]

But no one listened for he stunk of gin
And sung songs of fish and pie...

A stone giant singing "Fee oh Fie"
Kicked a ball at his stinky old head.

[Maeggaladiel]

A stone giant singing "Fee oh Fie"
Kicked a ball at his stinky old head.
And the wizard (whose name was Fred)
Fell loudly to the stony ground.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And the wizard (whose name was Fred)
Fell loudly to the stony ground.

Until by a Hobbit he was found.
He took him home and gave him tea...

[Kath]

Until by a Hobbit he was found.
He took him home and gave him tea...
Along with a pirate whose name was Smee,
And they talked long into the night.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Along with a pirate whose name was Smee,
And they talked long into the night.

Speaking most of how best to fight
And then of how to make peace

[Lhunardawen]

Speaking most of how best to fight
And then of how to make peaceWith the vicious-looking fleas
But alas! they were at a loss

[Hookbill the Goomba]

With the vicious-looking fleas
But alas! they were at a loss

For the table was covered in moss
But Lo! Gandalf the grey came there

[Lhunardawen]

For the table was covered in moss
But Lo! Gandalf the grey came thereAnd with a mischievous grin laid bare...
Good grief, he removed his cloak!

Sorry, couldn't resist. :D

[Glirdan]

And with a mischievous grin laid bare...
Good grief, he removed his cloak!

Which was a complete hoax
And he styled his hare

Couldn't help that :p

[Thinlómien]

And he styled his hare
and beholders' nightmare
was the thing laid green to their feet,

[JennyHallu]

and beholders' nightmare
was the thing laid green to their feet,

For he knew rhythm and beat!
And punk rock was the love of his heart...






So totally confused. Not sure what's green, so I'm going with hair.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

For he knew rhythm and beat!
And punk rock was the love of his heart...

"I have but told only in part,
This tale of old" Quoth the minstrel

[Holbytlass]

"I have but told only in part,
This tale of old" Quoth the minstrel
as he unrolled his thin scroll.
"The hobbit is not as he seems...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

as he unrolled his thin scroll.
"The hobbit is not as he seems...

"As sure as the mountain gleams
"He held aloft, a sword of worth...

[JennyHallu]

as he unrolled his thin scroll.
"The hobbit is not as he seems...

In fact he grows mannish in dreams,
In which Ents are quite short and race boats.

[JennyHallu]

"As sure as the mountain gleams
"He held aloft, a sword of worth...

Curses! Foiled!

The hobbit has ordered "March Forth!"
And his army has turned tail and fled...

[Thinlómien]

And his army has turned tail and fled...
while in his imagination Bullroarer still the army led
he turned and noticed no one to follow

[JennyHallu]

while in his imagination Bullroarer still the army led
he turned and noticed no one to follow

He wept when he saw that his dreams were hollow,
And crept away back to his hole.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

He wept when he saw that his dreams were hollow,
And crept away back to his hole.

But living there was a mole
who stole his money and his house.

[JennyHallu]

But living there was a mole
who stole his money and his house.

He yelled, "You mole, you're a louse!"
And the mole replied, "One or the other, sir."

[Hookbill the Goomba]

He yelled, "You mole, you're a louse!"
And the mole replied, "One or the other, sir."

Then they all were gone in a blur
Taken by Balrogs of wings and no wings

[JennyHallu]

Then they all were gone in a blur
Taken by Balrogs of wings and no wings

And they talked long of various things,
as at least fifty percent of them flew...

[Holbytlass]

And they talked long of various things,
as at least fifty percent of them flew...
The hobbit stared at the shadowy hue,
of those that remained then beckoned them hither

[JennyHallu]

The hobbit stared at the shadowy hue,
of those that remained then beckoned them hither

But when their flames caused his garden to wither,
He sprang to protect it with water!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But when their flames caused his garden to wither,
He sprang to protect it with water!

But the Balrogs went to a slaughter
With armies of Mordor 'gainst Gondor

[Meneltarmacil]

But the Balrogs went to a slaughter
With armies of Mordor 'gainst Gondor

Then, however, hearing the battle roar,
Came the Eagles with a screech.

[Lhunardawen]

Then, however, hearing the battle roar,
Came the Eagles with a screech.And after victory, went to the beach --
If there was any to find in Middle-earth

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And after victory, went to the beach --
If there was any to find in Middle-earth

But they all danced with mirth
When they found it in the south

[JennyHallu]

But they all danced with mirth
When they found it in the south

They opened cans with Smaug's open mouth
and played limbo with Gandalf's staff.

[Holbytlass]

They opened cans with Smaug's open mouth
and played limbo with Gandalf's staff.
And at his speedo they did laugh,
till Gandalf barbecued those fowl

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And at his speedo they did laugh,
till Gandalf barbecued those fowl

But then the chickens did growl
And took up arms 'gainst the grey

[JennyHallu]

And at his speedo they did laugh,
till Gandalf barbecued those fowl

To celebrate Wargs set up a howl,
And sat down to Shish-ka-Winglord.

[JennyHallu]

But then the chickens did growl
And took up arms 'gainst the grey


Curses! Foiled!

"We're on your side!" The wargs did say,
And the goblins were all armed with skewers!

[Holbytlass]

We're on your side!" The wargs did say,
And the goblins were all armed with skewers!
'This party stinks-cause there are so few "hers"!
So they invited the dwarves in hopes of some she's

[Hookbill the Goomba]

'This party stinks-cause there are so few "hers"!
So they invited the dwarves in hopes of some she's

Yet they all shook at the knees
When only Dragons were available.

[Holbytlass]

Yet they all shook at the knees
When only Dragons were available
"No need to quake, we're really lovable"
as they asked for a dance

[JennyHallu]

"No need to quake, we're really lovable"
as they asked for a dance

Doubtfully were they given one chance--
And they performed an aerial ballet.

[Gil-Galad]

Doubtfully were they given one chance--
And they performed an aerial ballet.



and they danced towards their Lake-side Chalet,
Oh, how the floors that night were shaking

[Kath]

and they danced towards their Lake-side Chalet,
Oh, how the floors that night were shaking

At the sound of the merry-making
That lasted long into the night.

[JennyHallu]

At the sound of the merry-making
That lasted long into the night.

Until the rest said, "Hey! What of OUR plight?
These big lizards are trampling our toes!"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Until the rest said, "Hey! What of OUR plight?
These big lizards are trampling our toes!"

So they turned and made them foes
Many came to kill the large lizards

[Holbytlass]

So they turned and made them foes
Many came to kill the large lizards
But Saruman made some blizzards
and took the dragons to keep

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But Saruman made some blizzards
and took the dragons to keep

Yet over a large cliff they did leap
Rather than suffer Saruman's house

[Holbytlass]

Yet over a large cliff they did leap
Rather than suffer Saruman's house
The hobbit and dwarves crept like a mouse
to antagonize poor Saruman

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The hobbit and dwarves crept like a mouse
to antagonize poor Saruman

They then stole his prised Saucepan
And threw it in the Anduin river

[JennyHallu]

They then stole his prised Saucepan
And threw it in the Anduin river

He then collapsed, crying "Liver! I must eat more liver!"
"Without my Saucepan to cook it, I'm lost!"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

He then collapsed, crying "Liver! I must eat more liver!"
"Without my Saucepan to cook it, I'm lost!"

He wept until winter's fell frost
Began to bite his tows and beard

[JennyHallu]

He wept until winter's fell frost
Began to bite his tows and beard

Then Grima presented him LIVER (pan seared)
And he giggled and ate with a spork.

[Durelin]

Then Grima presented him LIVER (pan seared)
And he giggled and ate with a spork.

But everyone knows liver should be slivered by a fork,
And this his stomach announced - rumbling for all to hear

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But everyone knows liver should be slivered by a fork,
And this his stomach announced - rumbling for all to hear

All the while, the Hobbits drank his beer.
The wizard, sick, was confined to bed

[JennyHallu]

All the while, the Hobbits drank his beer.
The wizard, sick, was confined to bed

And, holding his aching and quaking old head,
He demanded instead that they smoke.

[Gurthang]

And, holding his aching and quaking old head,
He demanded instead that they smoke.

So as a rude practical joke,
They filled his room full with fumes...

[JennyHallu]

So as a rude practical joke,
They filled his room full with fumes...

And he grinned..."The smoke one consumes,
is better than the need I had got."

[Holbytlass]

And he grinned..."The smoke one consumes,
is better than the need I had got."
With evil grins, "Your lungs are going to rot!
Ours will not cause we're too short."

[Maeggaladiel]

With evil grins, "Your lungs are going to rot!
Ours will not cause we're too short."
And 'round the room they did cavort,
Until the smoke did make them ill,

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And 'round the room they did cavort,
Until the smoke did make them ill,

So they ate and drank their fill
And then walked in the woods

[littlemanpoet]

So they ate and drank their fill
And then walked in the woods
But they forgot their hoods,
and yowled when it began to rain

[Gil-Galad]

But they forgot their hoods,
and yowled when it began to rain


so they covered there heads with metal, but that began to stain,
so they looked in desperation for something durable to wetness

[Hookbill the Goomba]

so they covered there heads with metal, but that began to stain,
so they looked in desperation for something durable to wetness

When it appeared not, they suffered stress
And returned to the house of good

[Lhunardawen]

When it appeared not, they suffered stress
And returned to the house of goodThey felt that everything was screwed
So sighing, they went to bed

[Kath]

They felt that everything was screwed
So sighing, they went to bed

Bodies feeling heavy as lead,
And smiling as they hit the pillow

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Bodies feeling heavy as lead,
And smiling as they hit the pillow

Despite the sound of ol' man Willow,
Who stole their wallets and shoes

[littlemanpoet]

Despite the sound of ol' man Willow,
Who stole their wallets and shoes
while ol' Withywindle sang the blues
because the otters had gone away.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

while ol' Withywindle sang the blues
because the otters had gone away.

For the King they must betray
Be getting him drunk at the wheel

[Lhunardawen]

For the King they must betray
Be getting him drunk at the wheelAnd stealing away his meal
To give to the poor famished Orcs

[Meneltarmacil]

And stealing away his meal
To give to the poor famished Orcs
Who had all run out of pork.
The Hobbits woke upon that morn,

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Who had all run out of pork.
The Hobbits woke upon that morn,

Feeling as if they'd just been born
But finding Orcs eating their beds...

[gralin musicteeth]

Feeling as if they'd just been born
But finding Orcs eating their beds...

Blew a big horn
And to the Orcs said,

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Blew a big horn
And to the Orcs said,

(Since when did 'Beds' rhyme with 'horn'?)

Remember folks, rhyming couplets!

Thanks.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Who had all run out of pork.
The Hobbits woke upon that morn,

Feeling as if they'd just been born
But finding Orcs eating their beds...

[littlemanpoet]

Feeling as if they'd just been born
But finding Orcs eating their beds...
said, "Don't make no dessert of our heads
or we'll get ol' Gandalf an' have 'im uncloak!"

[Kath]

said, "Don't make no dessert of our heads
or we'll get ol' Gandalf an' have 'im uncloak!"

And a moment after these words were spoke
The orcs ran right out the door.

[Lhunardawen]

And a moment after these words were spoke
The orcs ran right out the door.The hobbits, with great joy, breakdanced on the floor,
And were joined by Gandalf the expert, of course!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The hobbits, with great joy, breakdanced on the floor,
And were joined by Gandalf the expert, of course!

Who danced with such a force
That the floor did shatter beneath

[Lhunardawen]

Who danced with such a force
That the floor did shatter beneathBill the Balrog gritted his teeth.
"I thought I've taught you well," said he.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Bill the Balrog gritted his teeth.
"I thought I've taught you well," said he.

Yet upon him fell a large tree
Cast, it was, by Sauron himself

[littlemanpoet]

Yet upon him fell a large tree
Cast, it was, by Sauron himself
Who decided that he must marry an Elf,
and went searching for one, starting in Bree,

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Who decided that he must marry an Elf,
and went searching for one, starting in Bree,

Driving Mount Zoom, he crashed into a tree
And lay asleep all night in a hovel

[Kath]

Driving Mount Zoom, he crashed into a tree
And lay asleep all night in a hovel

Til next day he went home to grovel
To the secret wife and kids.

[littlemanpoet]

Til next day he went home to grovel
To the secret wife and kids.
His wife made him clean all the crockpot lids
while she scolded him roundly and often.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

His wife made him clean all the crockpot lids
while she scolded him roundly and often.

But his hands would always soften
For he wished ever to be alone to drink

[littlemanpoet]

But his hands would always soften
For he wished ever to be alone to drink
which he brewed in the kitchen sink
much to Mrs. Sauron's annoyance.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

which he brewed in the kitchen sink
much to Mrs. Sauron's annoyance.

So she decides to poke him with a lance
Until he explodes with unbounded rage

[Kath]

So she decides to poke him with a lance
Until he explodes with unbounded rage

And the Saurons' demand he be locked in a cage
Til he learns to control his temper.

[Lhunardawen]

And the Saurons' demand he be locked in a cage
Til he learns to control his temper.
Unfortunately this plot twist doesn't really look good on paper
So Sauron pushed his secret family into Mount Doom (Zoom?)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Unfortunately this plot twist doesn't really look good on paper
So Sauron pushed his secret family into Mount Doom (Zoom?)

There came from the crater a great Boom
And the Dark Lord was blown to Fangorn

[JennyHallu]

There came from the crater a great Boom
And the Dark Lord was blown to Fangorn

Where he was impaled on a thorn
And tortured by grievous large trees.

[Gurthang]

Where he was impaled on a thorn
And tortured by grievous large trees.

Who broke and twisted his knees.
And in a fit of anger and rage,...

[JennyHallu]

Who broke and twisted his knees.
And in a fit of anger and rage,...

He smote them all with a Page!
In livery, silver and black.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

He smote them all with a Page!
In livery, silver and black.

And he continued his vicious attack
By burning all their houses and kids

[JennyHallu]

And he continued his vicious attack
By burning all their houses and kids

He put the goats in pots and shut the lids,
And made a stew to share with his orkish friends.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

He put the goats in pots and shut the lids,
And made a stew to share with his orkish friends.

A thousand and two invites he sends
But all refuse, for Saruman offers gold

[JennyHallu]

A thousand and two invites he sends
But all refuse, for Saruman offers gold

And such sparkling things do them hold
In slavery inescapable and strong.

[Telperaca]

And in the far distance they heard the gong,
Letting them know aid was arriving.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And in the far distance they heard the gong,
Letting them know aid was arriving.

The aid was attacked by a strange thing
A Balrog called Steve who had a funny hat

[Telperaca]

The aid was attacked by a strange thing
A Balrog called Steve who had a funny hat


But then there was a man, so fat,
Who sent him back into the shadowless relm!

[JennyHallu]

But then there was a man, so fat,
Who sent him back into the shadowless relm!

Where Steve learned his hat was called a "Helm"
And that his beautiful wings were for show.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Where Steve learned his hat was called a "Helm"
And that his beautiful wings were for show.

As he took hold of an arrow and Bow
While Dwarves hammered statues to him

[JennyHallu]

As he took hold of an arrow and Bow
While Dwarves hammered statues to him

And long dwarf-nails in his shin
Made him think of dwarf pot pie...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And long dwarf-nails in his shin
Made him think of dwarf pot pie...

And so with glee, he took to the sky
Till he discovered his wings were shadow

[JennyHallu]

And so with glee, he took to the sky
Till he discovered his wings were shadow

"I think I can..." was his hopeful motto,
But squished dwarves ready consolation.

[littlemanpoet]

"I think I can..." was his hopeful motto,
But squished dwarves ready consolation.
as well as a most toothsome sensation,
with gristle like wood and lard like lead

[Gurthang]

as well as a most toothsome sensation,
with gristle like wood and lard like lead

And a feel of rock when biting their head.
But with a touch of salt, a dab of pepper...

[littlemanpoet]

And a feel of rock when biting their head.
But with a touch of salt, a dab of pepper...
sprinkled liberally with mead and bee nectar,
Dwarf was not bad, in fact almost passable.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

sprinkled liberally with mead and bee nectar,
Dwarf was not bad, in fact almost passable.

But Balrogs as cooks are quite unreliable
So Steve made his way towards The Shire

[Gurthang]

But Balrogs as cooks are quite unreliable
So Steve made his way towards The Shire

But because he was always on fire,
The folks would never stay around.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But because he was always on fire,
The folks would never stay around.

And so they hid, in their holes in the ground
Till Steve left and the supper was ready

[littlemanpoet]

And so they hid, in their holes in the ground
Till Steve left and the supper was ready.
First came old Gaffer walking unsteady,
tipsy for his taste of Dwarf Briquette...

[JennyHallu]

First came old Gaffer walking unsteady,
tipsy for his taste of Dwarf Briquette...

He shouted "Hey! It's the best yet!
But I'm afraid it seems a bit burned...

[littlemanpoet]

He shouted "Hey! It's the best yet!
But I'm afraid it seems a bit burned...
"Ye'd think ol' Steve could ha' learned
how Dwarf ought to be simmered not roasted...

[JennyHallu]

"Ye'd think ol' Steve could ha' learned
how Dwarf ought to be simmered not roasted...

"But the skin, while charred, is well toasted,
And so, I declare it, a SUCCESS!"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

"But the skin, while charred, is well toasted,
And so, I declare it, a SUCCESS!"

With a large side order of watercress,
The Hobbits dug in and belched into the night

[JennyHallu]

With a large side order of watercress,
The Hobbits dug in and belched into the night

After, to their pipes they applied a light,
And wondered whether Elves were quite as tasty.

[littlemanpoet]

After, to their pipes they applied a light,
And wondered whether Elves were quite as tasty.
Suddenly up sat the Dwarf!- Hobbits scattering but hasty;
"Hey you!" cried Dwarf, "why chew on my shin-"

[wilwarin538]

Suddenly up sat the Dwarf!- Hobbits scattering but hasty;
"Hey you!" cried Dwarf, "why chew on my shin!"

"when we could all be drinking gin!"
the hobbits agreed and they went quickly,

[Hookbill the Goomba]

"when we could all be drinking gin!"
the hobbits agreed and they went quickly,

When they finished, some were wrinkly
For it took them so long to drink their fill

[JennyHallu]

When they finished, some were wrinkly
For it took them so long to drink their fill

Then cunning dwarves pushed them down a hill
As revenge for attempting a dwarven barbecue.

[Kath]

Then cunning dwarves pushed them down a hill
As revenge for attempting a dwarven barbecue.

But one was a lawyer and so did sue,
And the dwarves were taken for all they had.

[JennyHallu]

But one was a lawyer and so did sue,
And the dwarves were taken for all they had.

The total loot, incidentally, wasn't bad.
But the fees! Only the lawyer came out ahead.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The total loot, incidentally, wasn't bad.
But the fees! Only the lawyer came out ahead.

With a headache, the hobbits to bed
Went with a clunk. Sleeping till late

[JennyHallu]

With a headache, the hobbits to bed
Went with a clunk. Sleeping till late

When they woke to witness a terrible fate!
The lawyer'd turned to stone in the night.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

When they woke to witness a terrible fate!
The lawyer'd turned to stone in the night.

It seems he didn't put up much of a fight
“And he was a Troll after all”, so said they

[JennyHallu]

It seems he didn't put up much of a fight
“And he was a Troll after all”, so said they

"For only a Troll would choose a profession so fey,"
And they shrugged and went on with their lives.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

"For only a Troll would choose a profession so fey,"
And they shrugged and went on with their lives.

But, cleaning and sharpening his knives
Sauron considered a trip to the north

[Lhunardawen]

But, cleaning and sharpening his knives
Sauron considered a trip to the northHe took his ring and its chain and set forth
But on his way he stumbled on a stone

[Gurthang]

He took his ring and its chain and set forth
But on his way he stumbled on a stone

But because he was travelling alone,
There was no one to help him up.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But because he was travelling alone,
There was no one to help him up.

His face fell down into a soup cup
That was left by a tramp and his dog

[JennyHallu]

His face fell down into a soup cup
That was left by a tramp and his dog

In fury he tried to smite them...but fog
Put swift end to such dastardly plans

[wilwarin538]

In fury he tried to smite them...but fog
Put swift end to such dastardly plans


until he took out some large evil fans
he started to fan all the fog away

[Hookbill the Goomba]

until he took out some large evil fans
he started to fan all the fog away

But to fan them all, it took all day
For it was thick and full of smoke

[JennyHallu]

But to fan them all, it took all day
For it was thick and full of smoke

And though the poor tramp was a real slow-poke
By nightfall they were most certainly gone.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And though the poor tramp was a real slow-poke
By nightfall they were most certainly gone.

But it seemed, by the time he was done
The dark was such that he couldn't see

[JennyHallu]

But it seemed, by the time he was done
The dark was such that he couldn't see

So he could not see the tiny bee
That sat on his nose and STUNG!

[wilwarin538]

So he could not see the tiny bee
That sat on his nose and STUNG!

And using his one good lung,
he made a cry heard by all around

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And using his one good lung,
he made a cry heard by all around

While selling England by the pound,
A banker heard the cry and wept

[JennyHallu]

While selling England by the pound,
A banker heard the cry and wept

But to the shores of Middle-Earth they kept:
The bee was from a Beorning hive.

[littlemanpoet]

But to the shores of Middle-Earth they kept:
The bee was from a Beorning hive.
Such bees were known in those parts to contrive
a delectable honey spiked with gin

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Such bees were known in those parts to contrive
a delectable honey spiked with gin

So Sauron did leap with a spin
and dash towards the honey

[littlemanpoet]

So Sauron did leap with a spin
and dash towards the honey;
but the bees did not think him funny
and stung him on his single red eye

[Lhunardawen]

but the bees did not think him funny
and stung him on his single red eyeIt hurt him so bad that he wanted to die
But his ring then spoke up: "Hey, you can't!"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

It hurt him so bad that he wanted to die
But his ring then spoke up: "Hey, you can't!"

"You see, evil seeds we must plant
In the bee colony. So we may eat...

[Kath]

"You see, evil seeds we must plant
In the bee colony. So we may eat...

Hearing these words he turned white as a sheet,
"Eat what!?" he cried out in alarm.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Hearing these words he turned white as a sheet,
"Eat what!?" he cried out in alarm.

Yet swiftly he got a slap from the palm
Of the elderly Beekeeper, who heard him

[Kath]

Yet swiftly he got a slap from the palm
Of the elderly Beekeeper, who heard him

And with wavering voice and eyes filled to brim
Asked, "What be you at with my bees?"

[littlemanpoet]

And with wavering voice and eyes filled to brim
Asked, "What be you at with my bees?"
"Just admiring the view," Sauron said with a sneeze,
for he was allergic to gin spiked honey.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

"Just admiring the view," Sauron said with a sneeze,
for he was allergic to gin spiked honey.

But the keeper thought it not funny
that he sarcastically spoke of the land

[littlemanpoet]

But the keeper thought it not funny
that he sarcastically spoke of the land
so the keeper reared up and took his stand
and ordered the Dark Lord to pay in gold.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

so the keeper reared up and took his stand
and ordered the Dark Lord to pay in gold.

But a Barrow Wight, covered in Mould
Approached, stinking of whiskey and rot

[littlemanpoet]

But a Barrow Wight, covered in Mould
Approached, stinking of whiskey and rot,
and asked, "Hey Saury buddy, what's that you've got?"
"Beorning gin spiked honey. Want some?"

[Gurthang]

and asked, "Hey Saury buddy, what's that you've got?"
"Beorning gin spiked honey. Want some?"

That Barrow Wight replied, "No, mon."
With a surprising Jamacian accent.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

That Barrow Wight replied, "No, mon."
With a surprising Jamacian accent.

Being annoyed, Sauron poured cement
Upon the bad acting Wight's feet

[littlemanpoet]

Being annoyed, Sauron poured cement
Upon the bad acting Wight's feet,
and as it dried he made runes as neat
as could be, a big eye smack in the middle

[JennyHallu]

and as it dried he made runes as neat
as could be, a big eye smack in the middle

And a Vict'ry dance he did (to a fiddle
Played well by the Beekeeper's niece)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And a Vict'ry dance he did (to a fiddle
Played well by the Beekeeper's niece)

And the sheep with woolly fleece
Watched the Wight hop away home

[Gurthang]

And the sheep with woolly fleece
Watched the Wight hop away home

In his new shoes made of stone.
Then the sheep joined in the dance...

[littlemanpoet]

In his new shoes made of stone.
Then the sheep joined in the dance...
with a hop, shimmy, skip, baa, and prance,
and the ruckus woke the man in the moon.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

with a hop, shimmy, skip, baa, and prance,
and the ruckus woke the man in the moon.

He came down to earth at noon
Yet The Wight was already asleep

[Lhunardawen]

He came down to earth at noon
Yet The Wight was already asleep
So the man threw him into the ocean deep
And stole his new stone shoes

[littlemanpoet]

So the man threw him into the ocean deep
And stole his new stone shoes
to take to the moon himself to amuse,
but they were too heavy and so he cried

[Gil-Galad]

to take to the moon himself to amuse,
but they were too heavy and so he cried


And he cried enough that the birds died,
and they fell down to the ocean into the belly of a whale

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And he cried enough that the birds died,
and they fell down to the ocean into the belly of a whale

Who was then arrested and thrown in jail
For stealing a cake from Elrond's table

[Telperaca]

Who was then arrested and thrown in jail
For stealing a cake from Elrond's table

To escape he was very unable,
And so he prayed for aid.
:p

[JennyHallu]

To escape he was very unable,
And so he prayed for aid.
:p


But Ulmo said "Hey! I never got paid
Last time, and I'm not helping now."

[Telperaca]

But Ulmo said "Hey! I never got paid
Last time, and I'm not helping now."

How now, Brown cow :rolleyes:
Ulmo! Don't be a snob

[JennyHallu]

How now, Brown cow :rolleyes:
Ulmo! Don't be a snob

But as he begged with a sob,
He found Ulmo had already left.

Don't forget to quote the last one... ;)

[Telperaca]

But as he begged with a sob,
He found Ulmo had already left.



He pushed, yet the bars did not heft
And all hope began to fade away...


My bad. Sorted.
Thanks ;)

[JennyHallu]

He pushed, yet the bars did not heft
And all hope began to fade away...

But oh well, what can you say?
He stole, with consequence dire.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But oh well, what can you say?
He stole, with consequence dire.

But the army of Orcs came with fire
And the prison was flattened a second

[Kath]

But the army of Orcs came with fire
And the prison was flattened a second

But the cost of this was reckoned,
And to pay the orcs stayed behind

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But the cost of this was reckoned,
And to pay the orcs stayed behind

But, it seems, still no one would mind
If they marched to Rivendel for a holiday

[Kath]

But, it seems, still no one would mind
If they marched to Rivendel for a holiday

And so for a week or two there they did stay,
Then returned to face the music

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And so for a week or two there they did stay,
Then returned to face the music

For Sauron did beat them with a stick
Because they failed to find the Wight

[Kath]

For Sauron did beat them with a stick
Because they failed to find the Wight

"The wight what?" the replied in anger,
Thinking he made fun of their lisp



EDIT: Apologies Hookbill you're quite right it doesn't. But hey, who says a poem has to rhyme! ;)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Since when did Anger rhyme with Wight? :confused:

"The wight what?" the replied in anger,
Thinking he made fun of their lisp

The fattest Orc laughed and ate a crisp
But Sauron grew wrathful and bellowed,

[JennyHallu]

The fattest Orc laughed and ate a crisp
But Sauron grew wrathful and bellowed,

"May your skin turn bumpy and yellowed!
How dare you not offer me a cracker??"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

"May your skin turn bumpy and yellowed!
How dare you not offer me a cracker??"

But all that was left was the empty rapper.
So Sauron summoned his Mountain vehicle...

[littlemanpoet]

But all that was left was the empty rapper.
So Sauron summoned his Mountain vehicle...
black as night and fueled with treacle,
and ran over the crispless orc

[Hookbill the Goomba]

black as night and fueled with treacle,
and ran over the crispless orc

But in the road there was a fork
And he knew not which way to go

[Lhunardawen]

But in the road there was a fork
And he knew not which way to goHe stopped, took his ring, and so
Threw it up in the air and let it fall

[Hookbill the Goomba]

He stopped, took his ring, and so
Threw it up in the air and let it fall

But he slipped on a tennis ball
And the Ring fell to the Fire of Doom

[Lhunardawen]

But he slipped on a tennis ball
And the Ring fell to the Fire of Doom
Sauron banged his head on Mount Zoom.
"How will I know my way?" he wailed.

[Gil-Galad]

Sauron banged his head on Mount Zoom.
"How will I know my way?" he wailed.

So Sauron's driving test he had failed
even though he designed it himself, it totally backfired it did

[Hookbill the Goomba]

So Sauron's driving test he had failed
even though he designed it himself, it totally backfired it did

So the examiner's body he hid
in a pile of farmyard slurry

[littlemanpoet]

So the examiner's body he hid
in a pile of farmyard slurry
but the examiner turned furry
and bit Sauron in the neck.

[Lhunardawen]

but the examiner turned furry
and bit Sauron in the neck.
Turning into a chicken he began to peck
at the lupine examiner's eye, who howled

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Turning into a chicken he began to peck
at the lupine examiner's eye, who howled

And becoming a wolf, Sauron growled
Making the examiner white as a Wight

[Lhunardawen]

And becoming a wolf, Sauron growled
Making the examiner white as a Wight
In great fear he took flight
With Sauron hot on his trail

[Hookbill the Goomba]

In great fear he took flight
With Sauron hot on his trail

"How dare you make me fail?”
Cried the Dark Lord as he drove

[littlemanpoet]

"How dare you make me fail?”
Cried the Dark Lord as he drove
after the fearful wight, who dove
into his barrow and locked the door

[Gil-Galad]

after the fearful wight, who dove
into his barrow and locked the door


All of a sudden that Wight felt sore,
for he was in our The Barrow-Wight's grave

[Alcarillo]

All of a sudden that Wight felt sore,
for he was in our The Barrow-Wight's grave
Dug deep into a moldy cave.
Now Sauron battered on the gate

[littlemanpoet]

Dug deep into a moldy cave.
Now Sauron battered on the gate,
now he blew into the grate
he'd found in the side of the barrow

[Alcarillo]

now he blew into the grate
he'd found in the side of the barrow
The wight then shot a flashing arrow
at the grate with his great bow

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The wight then shot a flashing arrow
at the grate with his great bow

With a shriek, Saruon decided to go
To find Grond, with which to batter

[Gurthang]

With a shriek, Saruon decided to go
To find Grond, with which to batter

But lo! something was the matter.
Even with Grond, the grate wouldn't break.

[littlemanpoet]

But lo! something was the matter.
Even with Grond, the grate wouldn't break.
Up walked Tulkas, making the earth quake.
"Need a hand?" he asked, and raised his fist

[Kath]

Up walked Tulkas, making the earth quake.
"Need a hand?" he asked, and raised his fist

But then descended a deadly mist
And poor Tulkas got quite lost.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But then descended a deadly mist
And poor Tulkas got quite lost.

Upon Sauron's nose, there grew a frost
And Tulkas wept for he kicked a rock

[Alcarillo]

Upon Sauron's nose, there grew a frost
And Tulkas wept for he kicked a rock
Sauron teasing the pain indeed did mock
Tulkas' sorely aching divine toes.

[Meneltarmacil]

But, as everybody around there knows,
Tulkas tossed him to the moon.

[Alcarillo]

But, as everybody around there knows,
Tulkas tossed him to the moon.
From there to Mars, then to Neptune.
Such was the irate Vala's wrath

[Nogrod]

It made clear of Sauron's path.
But on Middle-Earth, there was no peace

[Meneltarmacil]

For everything was covered in grease.
But then came a High Elven King,

[Alcarillo]

For everything was covered in grease.
But then came a High Elven King,
Wearing his magic elven ring
"What is with all this grease?" he said

[littlemanpoet]

Wearing his magic elven ring
"What is with all this grease?" he said
Replied the Wight, "Worry not your head,
or you'll hurt and redden your pointy ears."

[Nogrod]

From the elven king, you could see no tears,
but annoyance, and growing anger

[Alcarillo]

From the elven king, you could see no tears,
but annoyance, and growing anger
"Grease is a harmful hidden danger!"
The king proclaimed for all to hear.

[Nogrod]

And nothing for the people was so dear,
as the revealment of the basic lunacy of their king.

[Alcarillo]

And nothing for the people was so dear,
as the revealment of the basic lunacy of their king.
Who with his ancient elven ring,
outlawed all grease within the land.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Who with his ancient elven ring,
outlawed all grease within the land.

But already the grease was in the sand
So the Hobbits used it to fry up some bacon

[Lhunardawen]

But already the grease was in the sand
So the Hobbits used it to fry up some bacon

But they were stolen by a swooping falcon
For Thorondor its master was really famished

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But they were stolen by a swooping falcon
For Thorondor its master was really famished

So it was that the Hobbits were banished
For the King wished for a bacon sandwich

[Kath]

So it was that the Hobbits were banished
For the King wished for a bacon sandwich

To get it he had to go to Greenwich
But was completely confused by the times

[Hookbill the Goomba]

To get it he had to go to Greenwich
But was completely confused by the times

And even more by Big Ben's chimes
"What is going on?" quoth the King

[Kath]

And even more by Big Ben's chimes
"What is going on?" quoth the King

But deafened by the large clocks ring
He could not hear the answer

[Gurthang]

But deafened by the large clocks ring
He could not hear the answer

Which was given to him by a dancer,
But what he thought she had said...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Which was given to him by a dancer,
But what he thought she had said...

Was, "soon you'll be very dead!"
So he ran to Rivendel to sleep

[Gil-Galad]

but alas he fell in a bog which he tried to escape but it was too deep,
so he becan to wail a fearful cry

[littlemanpoet]

but he fell in a bog for escape too deep,
so he becan to wail a fearful cry
which caught the attention of a passerby,
the Worminghall Dragon, Chrysophylax,

[Alcarillo]

which caught the attention of a passerby,
the Worminghall Dragon, Chrysophylax.
Hungrily searching for some snacks.
He asked the king, "Do you have some food?"