When You Are Oppressed, Or Ten Weighty Reasons for Teenagers and Their Parents

[Mithalwen]

Ah but they should be careful ... because there comes a time when they are aged and infirm and the roles are reversed

[Amanaduial the archer]

(- hey, mom (dad, uncle, yer honour, reverend Brown), I've found the candy which is tasty and wholesome!
- Can't be, there is no wholesome candies!
- But look, here, look at the list of its properties which are good for you
- What list? Lemme see, um, er, yes, but is it, really?
- And the list is approved of by Co7A, who is parent and teacher herself, and this H-I chap who made it is only 31.3% geek and works in a bank, and is a swimmer and has a Master's degree (I know I'm vain, but it for the sake of the Case ) And I've already done my homework, made 10 pull-ups on the bar out there and focused on Mr Grey's car, which is 200 yards away for the whole of ten minutes!
- Allright, since it is so wholesome, er, um, I suppose you may have it...)

Ah, but amusing though that arguement is, Heren, it actually doesn't strengthen the case for some parents. For example, about a year and a half ago, when I was in a particularly good mood at the Downs (just over a year and a half actually - January '03?), and so Mother went through the mandatory dangers-of-the-internet-there-are-all-sorts-of-people-out-there talk. I decided not to mention that yes, I know that, a helluva lot of them go to my school, and instead took the tack that those of them who I talk to in PM or email knew only what I disclosed, and that was very little; and that I knew bits and pieces about them. When The Suspicious Parent asked what sort of things, I then went on to say that most lived in America (true of the people I talked to at the time) and a few ages.

The Parent was shocked - I was talking to people 'somewhat older' than myself. She asked in horror how did I know they didn't fit into the category of dangers-of-the-internet-there-are-all-sorts-of-people-out-there, and in my defence I said no! I mean, for example, one of them is an international lawyer! (There, I just gave away the member's identity, didn't I? )

Oddly, I don't think this helped matters. You see, The Suspicious Parent is a strange species: disclose information meant to reassure her, and what she actually hears is that you have disclosed the same sort of information and more to All Sorts on the internet. Hrm. And this does make things rather difficult. What's more, I don't like my parents to come on the forum - not for any sort of reason against you, dear readers, simply because I don't like them reading my writing - I get seriously embarassed. This doesn't exactly look good to The Suspicious Parent, I suppose...

Still, as yet, I have only been banned once, and that was from the internet in general. It was just after my parents got the internet bill *winces* But they have no quarrel with an alleged Tolkien forum which I use primarily for writing: I have always liked creative writing, and I think the Downs may, yes, have helped. The fundamental issue is, and always will be, trust.

[Mithalwen]

A lot of it is to do with the fact that most people are unable to evaluate risk accurately. I mean there is a perception that the big wide world is an especially dangerous place for women and children to venture into alone but in fact, the majority children who are murdered or abused are victims of their own parents, women are usually the victim of their husbands/boyfriend. The people most likely to be murdered by strangers are young men.

And if parents think that the Downs is really a problem ..they really have a strange worldview... I mean ... my brain has been more stretched here that it has anywhere since leaving uni...and perhaps in some respects more than at uni!. And to be exposed to what can be post-grad level discussion at schoolage ...surely can only be positive.... or maybe parents get suspicious because it seems impossible that teenagers could ENJOY learning....

That said..there are some very odd people out there .... on a rare visit to an (innocuous) chat room it took all of 3 seconds to encounter a sleazoid creep...

But, I sometimes get the feeling that there is a disproportionate fear because it was the internet - A couple of years ago, I was lucky enough to travel to Australia and NZ. Now, I had been talking to someone on a tennis site for 3 years and she lived near my family in Melbourne so we arranged to meet (in a bar, in the afternoon)..... and even though I am big enough, old enough and ugly enough to take care of my self - my Aussie family were completely paranoid ......"You mean you don't know her surname, or address.....blah blah blah".( Iand that was just meeting another girl of the same age).. but when I was solo travelling in NZ I would go for meals with other lone travellers who just happened to be travelling on the same bus / staying at the same hostel judging merely on appearance....
This didn't give the Aussie rellies the vapours at all......

Actually the priniciples for lone travelling (which was what I did to worry my parents before the internet was widespread lol ) could be apply just as well to the net ..... Be prepared, aware of the potential dangers, don't stray in to areas you know to be dangerous and prepare strategies to get out of dangerous situations you may fall into by chance. And then having minimised the risks enjoy the journey!!

[HerenIstarion]

Be prepared, aware of the potential dangers, don't stray in to areas you know to be dangerous and prepare strategies to get out of dangerous situations you may fall into by chance. And then having minimised the risks enjoy the journey!!

I have a feeling that applies to life in general, not Internet or journeying only . Good piece of advice, it is, sounds almost Jerome K. Jerome rendered into plain speech, without allegory of boats and rivers, kudos!

The Suspicious Parent is a strange species

Our parleys are with that kind of species, for the most part, I believe, as Unsuspicious Parent does not ban child's activities. As before, my advise would be - let them read printable version of current thread. There is almost no issue wich can not be resolved with a good ole' discussion of it [*Unless the issue in question is the conversation of two males along the lines of - 'I'm strong enough to beat the s**t out of you' - that kind of debate is founded on northern tradition of heroic boasting and can not be resolved with the means of greek philosophy and debate] You can cut out your own post, as SP may get hurt a bit at the title, I expect. Or maybe not, as SP may grow more aware of the situation, and reflect why such a 'titulage' may have been earned or unearned

But I would be glad if people like Child or mark or akhtene made more of appearance on this here thread, as, though I'm no longer a child, I'm not a parent either, so my position may be biased a bit. Let us hear more from the other side, eh?

[Encaitare]

Fortunately, my parents are pretty cool. I work very hard in school (too much AP homework! ) so they let me do pretty much whatever I like to relax when I do have free time... and that time is, of course, spent online. Also fortunately, our internet fee is the fixed monthly rate = unlimited access! Yay! My dad is a pretty computer-savvy guy, so he doesn't mind me talking here. He just doesn't like me to go on the AOL chats, because that is where you get the creeps who want to "cyber," etc. I've never been not allowed to use the internet, lucky for me. I am quite wary of talking to strangers outside the Downs, through IMs and such, but I sometimes do if I have corresponded with the person before, or know they're wro they say they are.

The great thing about LotR and the Downs and all those wonderful creations is that it probably has served to keep me out of trouble. My parents did such a gret job of instilling a conscience in me that I feel awful if I lie to them and it comes out anyway. I've always been a geek/dork type too... when I was 6 I could tell you the name of almost every dinosaur that ever existed and whether it was from the Cretaceous or Jurassic or Triassic Period and all that. I told off a teacher once or twice for giving misinformation I'm not much of a party type... I really prefer to stay home and read or write.

So that's my fun story!

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Try number two, after my initial loooong post got deleted by my early morning I'm-late-for-work rush...

My parents did such a great job of instilling a conscience in me that I feel awful if I lie to them and it comes out anyway. I've always been a geek/dork type too... when I was 6 I could tell you the name of almost every dinosaur that ever existed and whether it was from the Cretaceous or Jurassic or Triassic Period and all that. I told off a teacher once or twice for giving misinformation I'm not much of a party type... I really prefer to stay home and read or write

Kindred spirits, Encai? I am incapable of lying to my parents. Well, actually to rephrase, I can lie all I want, but they know when I'm doing it. Although I pride myself that if I'm supposed to keep my trap shut, they may know I'm lying, just have no clue what about. I've currently got the labels geek, nerd, dork, girly, sXe, and most recently, punk. I suppose that comes from my most recent erm... experiment, but I try to avoid labels. I do pride myself on nerd and sXe though... eh... my point is, when I was about 6, I was an avid reader and was also running around spouting out pointless information on dinosaurs, animals, and random other stuff. I've been known to correct teachers, and I can't understand why they get upset. I love when people correct me, because (A) it shows that they know their stuff, (B) it means I won't get it wrong again, and (C) it means they're paying attention.

My on topic point, however, is that, in my case, the internet issue is one of trust. My parents let me roam free on the internet because they trust that I won't do anything stupid. I like that trust, and so I won't break it.

Now if they were constantly suspicious and overbearing? I'd tell them less than if they just let me come to them. And if they checked the history or anything on me? That's entirely too much like invading my privacy, so I would, without question, leave them a few 'interesting' sites to run across just to blow their minds. Nothing I'd visit on my own, just sheer accidents of typos, or stuff that they'd certainly object to. It's like the kid who starts smoking weed because people already think he does. "Well if they're already thinking this, I may as well give them good reason to." That sort of thought process, only rather than actually visiting the sites, I'd just plant the weblinks here and there. (There should be an evil smily inserted right about here.)

Fea

[Encaitare]

Now if they were constantly suspicious and overbearing? I'd tell them less than if they just let me come to them. And if they checked the history or anything on me? That's entirely too much like invading my privacy, so I would, without question, leave them a few 'interesting' sites to run across just to blow their minds.

I agree, I think it's the fact that they trust me which makes me more responsible and less sneaky. Yes, I am considered to be "sXe" but I don't mind... a few friends have observed (on 4/20, quite fittingly) that they can't imagine me high or anything, probably because I'm messed up enough as is... I've also been told by someone that she thought I was a major prude; fortunately she said she was wrong!

And about being corrected, I feel the same way. If someone bothers to correct you, it shows at least they care enough to point it out. Plus, then you won't make the same mistake again... someone probably will point it out at some time, and possibly not so nicely either. I guess teachers don't like being told they're wrong by students who they think are so dumb and irresponsible...