The Barrow Downs Newspaper - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Groin Redbeard · 07-14-2008, 04:49 PM

Bravo Mr Hookbill! A thrilling tale of evil geniouses, stolen tin openers, and sick aliens!

Absolutely brillient!

TheGreatElvenWarrior · 07-14-2008, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Groin Redbeard

Bravo Mr Hookbill! A thrilling tale of evil geniouses, stolen tin openers, and sick aliens!

Absolutely brillient!

I didn't know that Alien could get sick... That's amazing!

Hookbill the Goomba · 07-14-2008, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheGreatElvenWarrior

I didn't know that Alien could get sick... That's amazing!

He's done it a few times...

Episode 15

Episode 51

and

Episode 86

Oh how I seem to like reusing that punchline...

TheGreatElvenWarrior · 07-14-2008, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

He's done it a few times...

Episode 15

Episode 51

and

Episode 86

Oh how I seem to like reusing that punchline...

Oh, I thought that Alien could throw up when he wanted to...

TheGreatElvenWarrior · 08-09-2008, 01:08 AM

So John Fillis is the answer to the Phantom's problems? Well, my brother will be happy now...

Hookbill the Goomba · 08-10-2008, 05:00 PM

Well, it's that time again! Dramatic news from Gondor reaches us today!

And now for the continuing adventures of The Phantom and Alien...

Episode 005
Episode 004
Episode 003
Episode 002
Episode 001

Morthoron · 08-10-2008, 07:25 PM

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Dear Mr. and/or Mrs. Editor:

I am sorry to hear that Alatar's kettle experiment did not pan out, but it's tough to keep a lid on such things. What a crock! I am glad to hear that Scotland Yard has taken stock of the situation and has a handle on it. I wonder if they are perhaps grilling Alatar even now, putting him on the griddle, so to speak, in regards to his involvement. A few hours in the pressure cooker will lighten up Alatar, who I've heard is one tough cookie...sheet. But he's not teflon-coated -- I am sure the roasting will turn up some accessories-to-the-fact; however, such betrayal is much like the pot calling the kettle black in criminal matters.

Hopefully, The Yard will not allow time for Alatar to loaf about, for this allows the perpetrator's thoughts to simmer, which causes much waffling, and takes a lot longer for the truth to percolate to the top. Personally, I am so steamed about the leftover damage that I don't give a crepe if they treat him harshly! The police, if they want to urn our respect, must be timely in their investigative wok. Oh, I am aware of the daily grind, and even I am not fondue of extra work, but this case must be settled quickly. There is no time for this matter to reach a boiling point. The community is already quite chafed, so no dicing or mincing of the facts -- get to it -- chop, chop!

I am quite interested to hear what will happen next in the case, because, as you are aware, it's always out of the frying pan and into the fire with these things.

Sincerely,
Sir Hamilton Beach-Bundt
Royal Colander Dough-Boys

TheGreatElvenWarrior · 08-10-2008, 09:57 PM

That means no more tea for me... Unless I smuggle my kettle into the Downs!

Hookbill the Goomba · 08-11-2008, 04:57 AM

Dear Sir Hamilton Beach-Bundt

Are you the fellow that has been stalking our janitor?
In answer to your letter, all I can say is that the government is supposedly doing all it can to have all kettles melted down. By next Thursday they plan to move on to other kitchen items. The Saucepan Man has reportedly skipped the country.
As far as we know, alatar escaped from jail and is currently heading to your house with a massive bat and a knife.

Keep Reading The Downer!
- Dave the Janitor

THE Ka · 08-14-2008, 02:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheGreatElvenWarrior

That means no more tea for me... Unless I smuggle my kettle into the Downs!

A kettle by any other name could possibly go by... As far as i'm concerned, such laws are only in the name.

~ devilry advocating Ka

Morthoron · 07-14-2008, 07:11 PM

Leslie 'Sonny' Moreduck, Editor in Chief
The Barrow Newspaper
57 Old Barrow Way
West Downshire
Barrow Downs
BD27 G46

My Dearest Les:

As I haven't seen you since Mother's Day, I thought I would drop a line just to say hello, and thank you again for the lovely "I Survived the 2004 Downer's Picnic" t-shirt you gave me as a present. Dear, I know you said it was a collector's item, and very valuable, but I passed by your news offices the other day (you weren't in), and there was a box full of what seemed to be the same t-shirts lying in the gutter next to the trash cans. Are those made of a different material or something? Ah well, no matter. I always get complimented when I wear it to the Bridge Club. The other mothers say things like, "Thats what your son got you for Mother's Day? My, he is a big spender!" Or "If he got you that as a gift, I can just imagine what your funeral will be like." It's so very nice to have such a thoughtful son.

Father is doing fine now that he's had his bowels shaved. There's no more of that very loud grunting and gasping from the loo in the morning. He sends his love. Well, what he actually said was, "we should have found a midwife with a twig and rooted it out," but you know how he is -- such a comedian. Your brother Bertie sends his best wishes. Just think, only five more years and he'll be out on good behavior. As you know, he would have gotten out earlier had it not been for that unfortunate mishap when his Tourettes suddenly acted up and he insulted the parole board for several minutes (public speaking was never his forte').

Anyway, congratulations on yet another fine edition of 'The Downer'. I don't really understand a word of it, but it seems to be spelled correctly and has very colorful adverts. I should expect you'll be coming around next week as your grandmum has finally gotten her false teeth and won't be drooling gruel on your nice suit like last time.

See you soon dear.

Love, your Mum

Oddwen · 07-14-2008, 08:36 PM

Bravo sir, bravo! An excellent, wacky, overblown and hilarious centennial.

Plus, I believe we've found who has run off with Rune's balloon...can't quite make out who it is...

Hookbill the Goomba · 07-20-2008, 05:02 PM

Let's have a look at some true facts...

A new age has begun for The Phantom and Alien! Prepare yourselves for an adventure of epic proportions! Yes, this, volume 2 of their adventures, will see The Phantom and Alien engaging in murder, intrigue, murder, suicide, murder, monsters, catapults, murder again and, of course, John Fillis.

It's a roller coaster ride, who knows where it will end? ... Well... I do... But still!

Legate of Amon Lanc · 07-20-2008, 05:39 PM

Ah, once again and after a long time I could read the Downer when it's still "fresh"...

"we're pretty sure it's more than three"

And the comic... Hmm... weird. Where's Alien?

But besides that, Phantom's expression on the end is priceless...

TheGreatElvenWarrior · 07-20-2008, 07:50 PM

Hmm... Volume 2, week 1... My brother didn't laugh as much as last time... I did though! So it means that it was good!

Morthoron · 07-20-2008, 09:05 PM

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Dear Sirs:

Having read your latest edition, I must say I am replying now with great consternation and concern. I combed each article, thumbed through the advertisements, and rummaged about in the classifieds...and I couldn't really find anything to complain about! I must say this is a first for me, and I am utterly at a loss as to whether or not I shall henceforth purchase your paper. You, sirs, have eliminated my God-given right to complain; therefore, I am mad as Hades, and I am not going to take it anymore!

Too long have responsible government officials tried to make things easier for me, too long has the road been made smooth where once lay potholes, too often have clerks in sales establishments tried to be pleasant. I want my misery! I want to be angry for no apparent reason, and you've taken that away from me! Without being able to criticize, complain and otherwise harbor irrational bitterness, I'll have nothing left but happiness. This is wrong on so many levels, I feel that this must be some sort of sinister plot promulgated by unknown high-placed insiders to make everyone merry. Tra-la-la, tripping through the daisies, peace and love and puppy dog entrails...BAH!

You have just one week to return to your horrid and distorted editorial pieces, terrible grammar and otherwise substandard reporting, or I shall be forced to cancel my subscription.

Sincerely,
Mr. Peevish Whinge-Carp
Old Grumbley Rd, Nagshead

Groin Redbeard · 07-24-2008, 09:25 PM

It's an honor of a lifetime to on the cover of the Downer (which goes to show how sad my life really is

). Though I must ask: how did the Downer know that I collect brains? That's the reason that I'm stalking Legate right now!

Of course the government has lied to the people more than three times Hookbill! I'd even say that they've lied as many as ten times!

07-14-2008, 04:49 PM	#1
Groin Redbeard Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Facing the world's troubles with Christ's hope! Posts: 1,635	Bravo Mr Hookbill! A thrilling tale of evil geniouses, stolen tin openers, and sick aliens! Absolutely brillient! __________________ I heard the bells on Christmas Day. Their old, familiar carols play. And wild and sweet the words repeatof peace on earth, good-will to men! ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

08-09-2008, 01:08 AM	#5
TheGreatElvenWarrior Mighty Quill Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Walking off to look for America Posts: 2,230	So John Fillis is the answer to the Phantom's problems? Well, my brother will be happy now... __________________ The Party Doesn't Start Until You're Dead.

08-10-2008, 05:00 PM	#6
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	Making the Wights of The Barrow Downs insane... Well, it's that time again! Dramatic news from Gondor reaches us today! And now for the continuing adventures of The Phantom and Alien... Episode 005 Episode 004 Episode 003 Episode 002 Episode 001 __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...

08-10-2008, 07:25 PM	#7
Morthoron Curmudgeonly Wordwraith Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Ensconced in curmudgeonly pursuits Posts: 2,515	LETTER TO THE EDITOR Dear Mr. and/or Mrs. Editor: I am sorry to hear that Alatar's kettle experiment did not pan out, but it's tough to keep a lid on such things. What a crock! I am glad to hear that Scotland Yard has taken stock of the situation and has a handle on it. I wonder if they are perhaps grilling Alatar even now, putting him on the griddle, so to speak, in regards to his involvement. A few hours in the pressure cooker will lighten up Alatar, who I've heard is one tough cookie...sheet. But he's not teflon-coated -- I am sure the roasting will turn up some accessories-to-the-fact; however, such betrayal is much like the pot calling the kettle black in criminal matters. Hopefully, The Yard will not allow time for Alatar to loaf about, for this allows the perpetrator's thoughts to simmer, which causes much waffling, and takes a lot longer for the truth to percolate to the top. Personally, I am so steamed about the leftover damage that I don't give a crepe if they treat him harshly! The police, if they want to urn our respect, must be timely in their investigative wok. Oh, I am aware of the daily grind, and even I am not fondue of extra work, but this case must be settled quickly. There is no time for this matter to reach a boiling point. The community is already quite chafed, so no dicing or mincing of the facts -- get to it -- chop, chop! I am quite interested to hear what will happen next in the case, because, as you are aware, it's always out of the frying pan and into the fire with these things. Sincerely, Sir Hamilton Beach-Bundt Royal Colander Dough-Boys __________________ And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision.

08-10-2008, 09:57 PM	#8
TheGreatElvenWarrior Mighty Quill Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Walking off to look for America Posts: 2,230	Kettles Have Been Banned?????????? That means no more tea for me... Unless I smuggle my kettle into the Downs! __________________ The Party Doesn't Start Until You're Dead.

08-11-2008, 04:57 AM	#9
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	Dear Sir Hamilton Beach-Bundt Are you the fellow that has been stalking our janitor? In answer to your letter, all I can say is that the government is supposedly doing all it can to have all kettles melted down. By next Thursday they plan to move on to other kitchen items. The Saucepan Man has reportedly skipped the country. As far as we know, alatar escaped from jail and is currently heading to your house with a massive bat and a knife. Keep Reading The Downer! - Dave the Janitor __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...

07-14-2008, 07:11 PM	#11
Morthoron Curmudgeonly Wordwraith Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Ensconced in curmudgeonly pursuits Posts: 2,515	Leslie 'Sonny' Moreduck, Editor in Chief The Barrow Newspaper 57 Old Barrow Way West Downshire Barrow Downs BD27 G46 My Dearest Les: As I haven't seen you since Mother's Day, I thought I would drop a line just to say hello, and thank you again for the lovely "I Survived the 2004 Downer's Picnic" t-shirt you gave me as a present. Dear, I know you said it was a collector's item, and very valuable, but I passed by your news offices the other day (you weren't in), and there was a box full of what seemed to be the same t-shirts lying in the gutter next to the trash cans. Are those made of a different material or something? Ah well, no matter. I always get complimented when I wear it to the Bridge Club. The other mothers say things like, "Thats what your son got you for Mother's Day? My, he is a big spender!" Or "If he got you that as a gift, I can just imagine what your funeral will be like." It's so very nice to have such a thoughtful son. Father is doing fine now that he's had his bowels shaved. There's no more of that very loud grunting and gasping from the loo in the morning. He sends his love. Well, what he actually said was, "we should have found a midwife with a twig and rooted it out," but you know how he is -- such a comedian. Your brother Bertie sends his best wishes. Just think, only five more years and he'll be out on good behavior. As you know, he would have gotten out earlier had it not been for that unfortunate mishap when his Tourettes suddenly acted up and he insulted the parole board for several minutes (public speaking was never his forte'). Anyway, congratulations on yet another fine edition of 'The Downer'. I don't really understand a word of it, but it seems to be spelled correctly and has very colorful adverts. I should expect you'll be coming around next week as your grandmum has finally gotten her false teeth and won't be drooling gruel on your nice suit like last time. See you soon dear. Love, your Mum __________________ And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision. Last edited by Morthoron; 07-14-2008 at 08:15 PM.

07-14-2008, 08:36 PM	#12
Oddwen Drummer in the Deep Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Next Sunday A.D. Posts: 2,145	Bravo sir, bravo! An excellent, wacky, overblown and hilarious centennial. Plus, I believe we've found who has run off with Rune's balloon...can't quite make out who it is... __________________ But all the while I sit and think of times there were before I listen for returning feet and voices at the door

07-20-2008, 05:02 PM	#13
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	Let's have a look at some true facts... A new age has begun for The Phantom and Alien! Prepare yourselves for an adventure of epic proportions! Yes, this, volume 2 of their adventures, will see The Phantom and Alien engaging in murder, intrigue, murder, suicide, murder, monsters, catapults, murder again and, of course, John Fillis. It's a roller coaster ride, who knows where it will end? ... Well... I do... But still! __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...

07-20-2008, 05:39 PM	#14
Legate of Amon Lanc A Voice That Gainsayeth Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: In that far land beyond the Sea Posts: 7,431	Ah, once again and after a long time I could read the Downer when it's still "fresh"... "we're pretty sure it's more than three" And the comic... Hmm... weird. Where's Alien? But besides that, Phantom's expression on the end is priceless... __________________ "Should the story say 'he ate bread,' the dramatic producer can only show 'a piece of bread' according to his taste or fancy, but the hearer of the story will think of bread in general and picture it in some form of his own." -On Fairy-Stories

07-20-2008, 07:50 PM	#15
TheGreatElvenWarrior Mighty Quill Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Walking off to look for America Posts: 2,230	Hmm... Volume 2, week 1... My brother didn't laugh as much as last time... I did though! So it means that it was good! __________________ The Party Doesn't Start Until You're Dead.

07-20-2008, 09:05 PM	#16
Morthoron Curmudgeonly Wordwraith Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Ensconced in curmudgeonly pursuits Posts: 2,515	LETTER TO THE EDITOR Dear Sirs: Having read your latest edition, I must say I am replying now with great consternation and concern. I combed each article, thumbed through the advertisements, and rummaged about in the classifieds...and I couldn't really find anything to complain about! I must say this is a first for me, and I am utterly at a loss as to whether or not I shall henceforth purchase your paper. You, sirs, have eliminated my God-given right to complain; therefore, I am mad as Hades, and I am not going to take it anymore! Too long have responsible government officials tried to make things easier for me, too long has the road been made smooth where once lay potholes, too often have clerks in sales establishments tried to be pleasant. I want my misery! I want to be angry for no apparent reason, and you've taken that away from me! Without being able to criticize, complain and otherwise harbor irrational bitterness, I'll have nothing left but happiness. This is wrong on so many levels, I feel that this must be some sort of sinister plot promulgated by unknown high-placed insiders to make everyone merry. Tra-la-la, tripping through the daisies, peace and love and puppy dog entrails...BAH! You have just one week to return to your horrid and distorted editorial pieces, terrible grammar and otherwise substandard reporting, or I shall be forced to cancel my subscription. Sincerely, Mr. Peevish Whinge-Carp Old Grumbley Rd, Nagshead __________________ And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision.

07-24-2008, 09:25 PM	#17
Groin Redbeard Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Facing the world's troubles with Christ's hope! Posts: 1,635	It's an honor of a lifetime to on the cover of the Downer (which goes to show how sad my life really is). Though I must ask: how did the Downer know that I collect brains? That's the reason that I'm stalking Legate right now! Of course the government has lied to the people more than three times Hookbill! I'd even say that they've lied as many as ten times! __________________ I heard the bells on Christmas Day. Their old, familiar carols play. And wild and sweet the words repeatof peace on earth, good-will to men! ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow