The Bad LotR Fan Fic Drinking Game

[Morthoron]

Originally Posted by Nerwen

Hmmn... perhaps I could take up your suggestion from a few posts back? My character is Arwen's blind sister. I have the Mary Sue version of blindness– meaning it causes me deep anguish, but no practical inconvenience whatever. In fact, I'm a much better archer than Legolas.

Sort of like the Chuck Norris of blind elves, except with angst.

[Bêthberry]

May one inquire where this hysterical tome will be produced should one wish to follow the hilarity?

While I alas do not peruse fanfiction and so have nothing to contribute here, I do note from the examples provided by this drinking fraternity that apparently Tom Bombadil and Goldberry do not figure highly in fanfiction.

Perhaps Tom as he appears in LotR is enough to drive some fans to drink that there's nothing left to the eager fabulist to overproduce?

[Morthoron]

Originally Posted by Bêthberry

May one inquire where this hysterical tome will be produced should one wish to follow the hilarity?

Well, since it is roleplay, I assumed it would go under one of the roleplay forums here. Unless, of course, being deemed farcical, it has to go into the Mirth section. I'm not too keen about putting it in the Mirth section, as it will continually get overposted by miscellaneous threads like werewolves, soccer and other off-topic or tangential game posts.

The intent will be a farce, but the method and delivery will be serious. I guess the mods will decide for us.

Originally Posted by Bêthberry

While I alas do not peruse fanfiction and so have nothing to contribute here, I do note from the examples provided by this drinking fraternity that apparently Tom Bombadil and Goldberry do not figure highly in fanfiction.

Perhaps Tom as he appears in LotR is enough to drive some fans to drink that there's nothing left to the eager fabulist to overproduce?

Perhaps, as you intimated, Tom is far too silly in the first place to go even further beyond the pale.

[Formendacil]

Originally Posted by Morthoron

Well, since it is roleplay, I assumed it would go under one of the roleplay forums here. Unless, of course, being deemed farcical, it has to go into the Mirth section. I'm not too keen about putting it in the Mirth section, as it will continually get overposted by miscellaneous threads like werewolves, soccer and other off-topic or tangential game posts.

The intent will be a farce, but the method and delivery will be serious. I guess the mods will decide for us.

Well, granted, I'm no mod... but if Assigned to Mordor and Assigned to Mordor II were suitable for the Shire, I don't think this can be that much worse... though the Mods might see it differently, in their omniscience.

There is, of course, the proposal form you'd have to fill out, likely, before you'd get the official go-ahead in the RPG forums anyway.

[Nerwen]

Well, we might have a few problems there, given that the rules include the following:

WEAPONS (No magical, super-hero, mithril weapons. Just good solid Middle-earth weapons and armor only that is appropriate to the race of the character and the time period.):

PERSONALITY/STRENGTHS/WEAKNESSES: (No half-Elven characters. No mixed-type characters. No super-heroes. No assassins. No one all powerful, martial arts proficient, or having any magical traits. Just regular characters with normal abilities for their races only)

and this:

Please play your character realistically and within the boundaries of Middle Earth "reality". Don't act in ways that give you unfair advantages over other players.

also this:

"They were tall, fair of skin and grey-eyed, though their locks were dark, save in the golden house of Finrod; and their voices had more melodies than any mortal voice that is now heard . . .”

Please use this as a guideline for describing your Elven character’s appearance.

and even this:

Jedi Knights and lasers are not permitted.

What is wrong with these people? Why must they stifle our creativity?

What's a Mary Sue to do?

[Mithalwen]

Yes that would stymy my character plans....

[Lalaith]

an addition to my "cerulean orbs" comment: Drink a pint of Butterbeer if Frodo got them from his mum.

What are these orbs? Some kind of moobs?

I´d be up for this horror-RPG.

[Eönwë]

Originally Posted by Nerwen

Well, we might have a few problems there, given that the rules include the following:

Basically you have to do the exact opposite of all those rules. It should probably go in mirth then...

[Morthoron]

Originally Posted by Nerwen

Well, we might have a few problems there, given that the rules include the following:

I have studied these two codicils housed within the Role-playing Moderation Pronouncement very carefully, and, having just watched 'A Man For All Seasons' just now, I am vey much in the mood for a philosophical debate (in the mode of Sir Thomas More) on the fit, form and function of the two aforementioned rulings.

1) In regards to weapons, I would say that there were, in fact, no recorded weapons in Middle-earth fashioned from mithril (mithril, being pliable, could not maintain the rigidity necessary for a tempered sword or axe blade). However, it can be reasonably assumed that a well-to-do dwarf could have a weapon inlayed with mithril, or could have accoutrements made of mithril as family heirlooms (whether coif, hauberk, baldric, helm etc.). Mithril is certainly rare, but a suffiecient amount was mined in Moria (and the bottomless mines are testament to the haul the dwarves took in) to assure a goodly amount is passed on from generation to generation (dwarves being the supreme hoarders, after all). The question here lies in what is reasonable. To have a dwarf fully caparisoned in mithril from head to toe is not reasonable; having some mithril armor is not.

As far as 'magical' weapons, that, of course, would depend on one's definition of magical, the time period one is discussing, and the relative status and race of the character in question. Elvish craftsman did imbue articles with their innate power. This is more readily apparent in the 1st and 2nd Ages (any work of Feanor, or Eol, or Celebrimbor, for instance), but this ability did not rest solely with such renowned masters. One only has to look to the work of the unnamed smiths of Gondolin (who crafted Orcrist, Glamdring and Sting -- magical blades by any other name), or the craft of the the Gwaith-i-Mirdain. In the 3rd Age, there are the Blades of Westernesse. Whether these blades came from Numenor is conjectural, given their title; however, considering these blades were woven with spells to unbind the spirit of the WitchKing, then they could have not been forged anywhere but in Arnor.

Given the fact that these perilous (and 'magic') blades were found accidently in a barrow (just as Sting and Glamdring happened to be in a troll horde for some poorly explained reason), then it is reasonable to assume that these are not the only blades of such caliber and quality and magicality hidden throughout Middle-earth (in the Barrow Downs, the Dead Marshes, in Rivendell, the Gray Havens, Forochel, Annúminas and Fornost). The smiths of Imladris had the ability to reforge Narsil into Anduril (Telchar of Nogrod, a dwarf, not an elf, first forged this magical blade), and there are many descriptions of it, shining as with a flame, covered with runes for Aragorn, as it was when it was still Narsil:

...the sword of Elendil filled Orcs and Men with fear, for it shone with the light of the sun and of the moon, and it was named Narsil. ...Thus Narsil came in due time to the hand of Valandil, Isildur's heir, in Imladris; but the blade was broken and its light extinguished, and it was not forged anew.

2) In regards to personality strengths and weaknesses (and the prohibition on half-elves and magical traits), again, there are very few unions of elves and men, at least withing the context of LotR; however, the tale of Prince Imrahil's ancestor Imrazor and his Silvan bride gives pause to making a blanket statement that there were only those unions germane to Aragorn's story. Let us say instead there were those important in context to the story, but they were not necessarily the only such unions that occurred.

As far as magical traits, what is reasonable? The Noldor of Aman are noted for their duality of spirit, incomparable craftsmanship and powers beyond that of the Sindar or Moriquendi; The Silvan Elves of Mirkwood disappeared in a flash when their feasting was confronted by the dwarves; Eol, a Teleri, wove spells around Nan Elmoth, and the Silvan elves of Lothlorien crafted the world's first camoflage cloaks (almost chameleon-like in their adaptability). It is true that Men, Hobbits and Dwarves lack magical propensities (although it can be argued that the dwarves had innate powers that declined over the ages). But, as Gandalf intimated, there are many magic rings in the world (other than the one, three, seven and nine), and many lost items of great lineage laying about that could aid a muggle...ummm...a non-magical personage.

Bah! I suppose we'll end up in the Mirth section.

Originally Posted by Lalaith

I´d be up for this horror-RPG.

You are more than welcome to join, Lalaith.

Originally Posted by Ibrîniðilpathânezel

And for the drinking game, would someone please rate this "summary" tidbit I just happened upon? For me, it's too ghastly to even think of reaching for the bottle (much less attempting to read the story):

And no, I did not misspell Legolas. The author did. Sigh. And please don't ask me who Kyra is. I shudder to think, and really have no desire to know.

An Elfess sorceress, who is a daughter of Elrond, rides Sauron's pestilential pony, and gets to mate with Leoglas? Good lord, this could only be inimitable and renowned Kyra of the Thousand Sorrows! Ummm...actually, I made that last bit up. I have no idea who Kyra is. *shudders*