I met a fellow BDer!!

[Formendacil]

Originally Posted by Hakon

I think I am one of the only downers that has never met another downer. I know I have not even been a member for 3 months but still.

You're taking it a little hard if you think that. It's more than just a matter of time on the Downs, though that is certainly a part of it. My first Downer meeting (with Brinn: awkward "hi"s in the doorway followed by a rather long evening of non-awkward shared Downer talk) was 3.5 years after I joined the site, my second (alluded to already by Fea) was about another year later.

At current speeds, unless I find someone in driving distance--and, importantly, I'm not playing WW then--isn't likely to be for yet another year--or longer, that's just when I expect to have options. Because, as I was saying, it's more than just time online to be considered, it's a question of other things. Like logistics. There are no major Downers in western Canada, active at this time, other than me. Or, at least, I'm not aware of them.

Even so, I could list several Downers who have been active in theoretical driving distance that I've never made a move to meet. Because, in addition to travel distance, it's a question of who you're comfortable enough meeting. You've noticed already that a lot of the people on this thread have been members for quite some time. More important than the amount of time that they've had to argue Canonicity or lynch each other as Gifteds is how well we've managed to know each other generally.

In my own case, I admittedly didn't know Brinn especially well. She's an older member than me, and went dormant before I joined, and didn't come back until I'd started going a bit treeish myself. But we followed each other's LJs to an extent, so we weren't complete strangers, apart from the Downs, and on the plus side (as I saw it), Brinn had the credibility (and pictures) of having met a round dozen Downers already. The risk was much less on her end--I was meeting her and she had her family and such around. Quite non-threatening.

Meeting Fea and Nienna was quite a different situation again. I've known of Fea as long as I've been a Downer, and we've gotten to know each other reasonably well--perhaps even quite well--in the intervening years since.

Of course, if there actually were any Downers in "let's go for coffee" distance, I'd probably have met a lot more by now--or tried to. But when the distance you live at is in the "well, we'd best make a weekend of it at least to be economical" you tend to do it with less frequency...

[Formendacil]

Oh, and because the philosopher in me can miss the completely obvious at times, let me add that while it may seem hardly any Downers have not met someone, if you subtract Downers who already knew each other in real life, the numbers go down slightly (TGEW and Laurinquë for example)... but even then... I highly doubt most of the 3000+ members--even the much smaller number of those who have posted--have necessarily met other members. That they knew of, anyway.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

I've met a number of Downers, and the greetings are different depending on how well I knew them previously. It is like meeting a stranger whom you know on one level, but not on others. Fortunately, I knew all of them from photos, so recognizing them wasn't a problem. Those whom I knew well from chatting or e-mailing usually ended up getting a hug.

My first meeting with Guinevere was unexpected and curious - we had arranged to meet in London at the place we were staying, so I was walking there with my luggage dragging behind me. I saw someone heading in the same direction and looked more closely, thinking it just could be her. Then I approached her, she looked at me, and we met right on the sidewalk of a London street! The trickiest part about greeting her was figuring out that the convention in countries with a strongly French influence requires a triple kiss on the cheek (or the air right next to the cheek). I was a bit confused trying to remember if it's right-left-right or the other way around. We both survived and look forward to further opportunities to get together again.

I'm always sorry when circumstances are against a meeting, as recently, when Lommy and Agan were near to my home, but I didn't manage to meet them. Why is it that our families think they need our time and attention?!

As to the number of Downers met - yes, it does depend on where you live. A closely populated area or continent gives you a better chance. Another factor is how travel-happy the respective member is, and whether those trips are planned to include opportunities for meeting. (That also involves how expensive travelling is and how much free time one can allot to it.) The third factor is a possible membership in a Tolkien Society and/or attending functions where other Tolkienites can be seen. I highly recommend that - a great way to connect online and real life fandom!

I haven't yet met a Downer at the German Tolkien Society meetings, though some have heard of the site, but Oxonmoot is a great opportunity - and we've managed to get some people there interested who later joined up!

[wilwarin538]

Originally Posted by Formendacil

There are no major Downers in western Canada, active at this time, other than me. Or, at least, I'm not aware of them.

Similarly for me, there are no Central/Eastern Canadians that I'm aware of. Considering Toronto is such a giant city it surprises me that there are no major Downers there, if there was that would be so handy because of my fairly close proximity. Therefore it is likely that I will never meet another Downer...I shall remain a mystery to all.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

That's what made it easy to meet Rikae: she lives an hour and a half from where we (me, Nienna, Mirandir, Lariren Shadow) went to college. It requires a rather lot more planning to meet others. There are a lot of us, but it's a big world.

Surely, I think, I've met, say... Lhuna, or Encaitare, or Sally, or the phantom. But no. Lhuna's on the literal far side of the world. Sally and the phantom are far away too. It would require an airplane, and somewhere to stay, and time off from work or school, and transportation to all be worked out. Encai is a bit of a special case, since in my head I swear we've already met. I mean... She and my brother attended the same school (though at different times), so when she tells school stories, I know exactly what she's talking about. I was in NYC for quite a while when she was on Long Island. I mean... Surely we've met. Except we haven't. It just vaguely seems like it.

That's just to name a few. You talk to people so long and about such random things (off-site, to avoid the skwerlz), you really do feel you've gotten to know them. It's not so strange to meet up with people you already have a long history with. What's a little more odd (and terrifying, if you're shy) is meeting somebody you'd don't know at all well. But it's still rather rewarding.

[Rikae]

Originally Posted by Feanor of the Peredhil

It's not so strange to meet up with people you already have a long history with. What's a little more odd (and terrifying, if you're shy) is meeting somebody you'd don't know at all well. But it's still rather rewarding.

It was actually stranger for me to meet Mac, who I already knew well, then those I hadn't talked to as much. I was too used to him being a mindworm (or a disembodied voice) - it seemed unnatural for him to be a physical entity. But then, I am crazy.

[Brinniel]

Yeah, most of my BD meetings started with an awkward hello, but the awkwardness never lasted long. I usually find that by 10 minutes after the initial meeting (if not earlier), you're talking to each other like old friends who have met many times before. The least awkward meeting was probably with Lommy and Aganzir. They picked me up at the airport, and I recall while they weren't actually jumping and squealing, they looked pretty darned close to it. The most awkward meeting was with Laitoste. She had never been a very active member of the Downs and while I got to know her fairly well through LJ, I barely saw any pictures of her. We decided to meet in front of where the LotR musical was playing (since we would be seeing it later), and considering it wasn't very crowded at the time, you'd think we'd spot one another instantly. But what happened was that we passed by one another and proceeded to stand practically next to each other waiting for the other to show up. We didn't realise it until about a minute of waiting and exchanging awkward glances. Whoops.

Originally Posted by Hakon

I think I am one of the only downers that has never met another downer. I know I have not even been a member for 3 months but still.

I remember about a month or so after I joined that several BDers started to meet and I was desperate to do the same since the only BDer I knew was the friend from school who recruited me to the site. In fact, I even stated my goal was to meet a BDer before I graduated from high school, but that was not meant to be (perhaps partly because of my two year hiatus at that time). I was a member for over five years before I met my first Downer, which was Rune. It all depends on timing and convenience. I wouldn't have met most of the BDers I have if I didn't study abroad and travel every weekend. I lucked out with meeting Fea and gang when she invited me to visit when I complained on LJ how I had nowhere to go for Spring Break. She warned me there wasn't much to do in Elmira, but it ended up being the best spring break I ever had. Not to mention that making the decision to visit later earned me two future housemates, which should make my (most likely) final year in Boston much more awesome.

Originally Posted by wilwa

Considering Toronto is such a giant city it surprises me that there are no major Downers there, if there was that would be so handy because of my fairly close proximity.

You know, considering there are 8 million people in Manhattan alone, not to mention the millions of others in the areas surrounding, you'd think that there would be some BDers living here, but that is not so. Only one BDer lives nearby and that's on Long Island (which I will come back to in a moment). Of course, BDers seem to meet in the most random places. Who would've ever guessed that Finland would be the prime BD meeting spot? And I've had two BDers come from out of the country to visit me in Boise, Idaho of all place. I mean, really. No one comes to visit Boise. Half the people in the United States don't even know where Idaho is. (Whenever I tell someone I'm from Idaho, the first reaction I get is, "I never met anyone from Idaho before.")

Anyway, speaking of BDer meetings, I met a BDer a little over a week ago (on August 1). Encaitare, who is no longer an active member but still lurks, lives in Long Island and while it's not terribly close to Manhattan, it's close enough that it'd be a mistake not to meet. And considering we know each other quite well through LJ and Facebook, of course we had to. There was the brilliant idea that we should take advantage of our freshly turning 21 and go see a burlesque show, so that we did. So she came to my apartment, then we headed off onto an unexpectedly long adventure on the subway (a lot of trains were not running due to construction). We finally did arrive and enjoyed a show containing many things that are not Barrow Downs appropriate (after all, it wasn't exactly a family show). Though I only had two drinks over a span of three hours, I eventually became a little more than tipsy, being the lightweight I am (though I think that martini I had was also very strong). It made me feel like quite the alcoholic, especially standing next to Encai who doesn't drink at all, but I felt a bit better after seeing the passed out drunk people at Penn Station and knew I was nowhere close to that state. After grabbing pizza and ice cream at the train station (we had extra time since Encai missed her train due to subway delays), we made a very quick goodbye and then I headed home with the opportunity to see what Times Square is like at 3am (not a pretty sight). It was a fun meeting and a bit different since I usually meet BDers during the day and well, it was my first time in a burlesque club...so it was an interesting experience. And meeting Encai was not strange at all since I feel I know her quite well through LJ. You'd think that seeing burlesque with a BDer you just met could pose as awkward, but not at all. :P

Attached is photographic evidence of our meeting. Not the most flattering picture, but keep in mind this was inside a crowded NYC burlesque club on a muggy summer night.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Brinn! Your hair! I like it.

One of the few things I regret post-college about my college years was that I spent time in Brooklyn and never quite managed to even instigate plans to meet Encai. Knowing what my schedule was like, it never actually would have worked out, but I still regret not really trying. Mind you, I'd gone dormant at that point, as had she, and when I was in the city my only form of communication out was a cell phone. No computer for four weeks... So it would have been a nightmare trying, but I do still feel bad that I was that close and never managed to find the time.

What I make a point to do now is if I know I'm traveling, I stalk the 'Where do you live?' page to see if anybody is in that area, and then I meekly and shyly PM them, sometimes with the help of others (it was Formendacil that convinced me to PM Pio when I was traveling a few summers ago and I was too shy ("But what if she doesn't like me and doesn't want to meet me?) to do it myself). In some cases it doesn't work out (Pio was going to be out of town the weekend I was nearby, but she recommended some places I should go, to which I went), but there's a solid chance it might, so the tactic shouldn't be discounted.

Since travel can be prohibitively expensive (or I'd have flung myself beseechingly at the Finns by now), one thing to definitely consider really is to just look and see who's conveniently near wherever you're already going to be.

[Lush]

Hello again everyone.

So Squatter actually visited me and my family in Ukraine last month, and I just haven't had a chance to post properly about it.

I was, and continue to be, buried under a solid, immovable mound of work and personal problems (Lush's advice to all children: "Kids, love is not like they say it is in the Disney movies") so it wasn't as cheerful of a visit as one might have hoped. I had to spend vast swathes of my time chained to my desk, while Squa was being looked after by my assorted crazy relatives and the cat. He did, I am delighted to say, live to tell the tale.

Here's what is probably my favourite picture of Squa from the visit:

http://nataliaantonova.wordpress.com...8/p1010073.jpg

He's pictured here at the Monastery of the Caves, or Lavra as we call it. We did actually go down into one section of the caves, and barely escaped alive. It was a week-day, but I hadn't counted on the vast amount of tour groups that would be jammed in there, under the earth. The funniest part of our excursion was when we were whispering quietly in English about getting out, and all of a sudden, the girl in front of me (who was also wearing a traditional scarf like I was, because that's what is required - and I only wish I had a picture of that), turned around and whispered, also in English, "OMIGOD, where is the EXIT?!?!?!"

Well, we did eventually find it. Otherwise, I wouldn't be typing this message now, would I?

And Squa looks pretty darn fine in the picture, if I, a spoiled jezebel, may say so myself.

We celebrated my birthday at this little Hungarian place I like. Some cool people came, there was both English & Russian conversation. I don't remember how much was drunk but, at the very least, Squa and I did not have to be carried out of the premises, which is a testament to our fortitude. Or something.

Squa brought us amazing presents - one is presently immortalized on my neck (while its twin is in the jewelry box), one is hanging up on my brother's wall, one I am presently trying to read, one is stoppering a bottle, and one is tucked into an Umberto Eco book.

The pendants that Squa made for me bear my initials - N. A. This is so I never forget who I am, Squa has said. And I'll try not to. I'll really try.

I wish it wasn't such a tumultuous visit and I wish I'd had more time to properly hang out with my friend, but I'll never stop being grateful for our friendship, and that makes all the difference.

Thanks to the Downs for introducing us.

[McCaber]

I'm still all for a Marquette University meetup to see some of the texts Tolkien wrote himself. If anyone makes it out to my neck of the woods, that is.

[Lariren Shadow]

Originally Posted by Kath

Haha yes Lari and I did the sizing each other up thing because I forgot to check the photo page before I left the house and so had no idea what she looked like! I walked past her, walked back, and then sidled towards her in I hope a non-threatening manner until she said, '... Kath?'. After that we got on famously til Mira arrived.

It would have been hard to find me on the photo page as I'm not on it at all.