Tolkien Translated... into Googlese

[Oddwen]

Ships and High King 33rd. Why land flowing sea monster? Seven, seven white stones and trees

Cook, cook better than me, if you know what I mean.

He was a sailor Arverni. Earendil left the ship, in order to reduce Nimbrethil trees

That one made me chortle.

Good and evil are not to change things, past, or elves, dwarves and another man. These are to make a different timber, gold, and his family.

Since, you know...if you need new timber, gold and families, good and evil won't help you.

[Loslote]

The first couple lines of Galadriel's Lament (

"I sang of leaves, of leaves of gold, and leaves of gold there grew; of wind I sang, a wind there came, and in the branches blew."

), ten translations later, turns out to be:

"I sing in the leaves and gold leaves and rose gold there, the wind, the wind, a broken branch."

And then, the description of Vana:

All flowers spring as she passes and open if she glances upon them; and all birds sing at her coming.

becomes:

"Some of the flowers in the spring in your eyes, open them and all the birds sing next."

And, my personal favorite middling translation:

Part of the spring flowers are in his eyes, open them and all the birds are singing next.

Let's just say if I were Orome, I wouldn't be too excited about this...

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

Oh my, these are all so hilarious

"Some of the flowers in the spring in your eyes, open them and all the birds sing next" - that's quite a cool advice, isn't it?

How about this one:

"When you speak the language of toxic tell you, Snake youth?"

I can't speak the language of toxic, but I assume "Snake Youth" is a Middle-Earth equivalent to the Scout movement...

And this is a piece of dialogue between friends who are fed up with Microsoft:

"In a few minutes! Year! Beaten and cursed. I hate you how to install! "Then give it away!" - Gandalf said.

I have this quite clear picture of Gandalf and Gríma (yes, he's the other one) sitting by the computer and watching the screen saying something like "installation will be complete in a few minutes" and it's there for several hours...

Although I cracked up also at some of the transitional stages:

Year minute! Few years! Ever beaten and cursed. How do you hate I would like to ride it! "And then give it!" Said Gandalf.

That just sounds to me like something from a Phantom and Alien comic strip (Gandalf's "addendum" sounds just like something Alien could say in the last frame).