Monty Python's "There and Back Again" - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Eönwë · 05-23-2008, 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bêthberry

exit stage left, followed by a little bit of peril

Frodo (appearing suddenly): Hey, I want a bit of peril!

Elrond: who was hiding behind a chair the whole time: No, its lucky I saved you!

Frodo: Well, you have a ring of your own!

Elrond: No I don't.. well... I do, but you're not supposed to know that.

Bêthberry · 05-23-2008, 07:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eönwë

Frodo (appearing suddenly): Hey, I want a bit of peril!

Elrond: who was hiding behind a chair the whole time: No, its lucky I saved you!

Frodo: Well, you have a ring of your own!

Elrond: No I don't.. well... I do, but you're not supposed to know that.

Frodo: Ohh, let me see yours. Is it as nice as mine?

Elrond: No, you can't have it. It's not healthy.

Frodo: You're gay, aren't you?

Elrond. No, that was Priscilla.

Morthoron · 05-23-2008, 09:38 PM

An Unexpected Party, Part I

Narrator: And so Gandalf, having conjured up a writ of Habeas Corpus (as well as disintegrating the stubborn judge's gavel with a flash of lightning), managed to secure Bilbo Baggins' release from unlawful detention. The Sackville-Bagginses were, of course, sacked, and the relieved Bilbo once again found himself alone in the cozy environs of his quaint hobbit hole. Setting a kettle on the hob, Bilbo sat back in his chair and gingerly nibbled a biscuit.

*Knock, knock*

Bilbo: Now who can that be? Ah yes, it's Wednesday, and Gandalf said he'd be by.

*Opens the door*

Bilbo: Greetings Gandalf, how are...wait a moment, who the 'ell are you?

Dwalin: Dwalin at your service. [the dwarf in a dark-green cape bows grandly]

*Uncomfortable silence*

Dwalin: I am here for a meeting.

*Uncomfortable silence*

Dwalin: Errr...At Gandalf's request.

Bilbo: Right...in you go then. I'm about to take tea and have some cakes, would you care to join me?

Dwalin: I thought you would never ask. I am starving.

*The dwarf hangs up his cape on a peg and bowls Bilbo over in a rush to reach the cakes*

*Knock, knock*

Bilbo: [Picking himself off the ground] Excuse me, Dwalin, I'll be right with you! [opens the door] Gandalf, I really...

*A white-haired dwarf in a scarlet hood bows*

Balin: Greetings! Balin at your service! Ah, I can see by the green hood that they have begun to arrive! Is that seed-cake I smell? Don't worry, I'll help meself. I hope you have some beer in your cellar.

*Balin puts his hood on a peg next to Dwalin's and storms off down the hallway*

Bilbo: [pitifully] They? Begun to arrive?

*Knock, knock*

Bilbo: This better damn well be Gandalf!

*Two more dwarves force their way through Bilbo's door, hanging two blue hoods on the pegs*

Fili and Kili: We are Fili and Kili at your...

Bilbo: Yes, yes, you're at my bloody service. Off with you then.

*The two dwarves stamp down the hall*

*Knock, knock*

Bilbo: Oh for the love of...

*Bilbo opens the door to find a dwarf in a pink hood*

Dumplin: HI! You must be Bilbo! Oooh, such an erotic name. I am Dumplin, at your service. [winks]

*Bilbo opens his mouth to speak, but is speechless*

Dumplin: I'll just follow the others and get a bite to eat. Do you have a latte? Oh, never mind, I'll make some myself. Oh my dear, we have so much to talk about. I am intrigued by hobbits and their big feet. You know what they say... [winks again]

*The dwarf pinches Bilbo's bottom as he passes*

*knock, knock*

Bilbo: What the...

*A horde of dwarves in variously colored hoods mob his doorway*

Bilbo: And just who are all of you?

Gloin: We are the dwarves of limited speaking roles, at your service. Bit actors and carnies mostly. There's so few decent parts for we dwarves as of late, what with CG animation taking away all the Oompaloompa roles in Charlie and the Chocolate factory.

Dori: That Tim Burton bastard.

Gloin: At least this gig pays union scale, and is not some dwarf-tossing event at the local county fair.

Dori: Dwarf-bowling's even worse.

Bilbo: [rolls eyes] Come in, come in...I am Bilbo Baggins...at your service! The rest of your herd are already raping my pantry. What's a few more?

*The dwarves cheer and swarm over Bilbo, and soon there is the sound of clinking mugs and cracking plates*

*knock, knock*

Bilbo: Oh, please be Gandalf!

*An immensely fat dwarf stands panting on Bilbo's porch*

Bilbo: And you are?

Bombur: Hungry!

Bilbo: Of course you are. Come on in! I am sure there are a few cattle I can wrangle up for you.

Narrator: And so, a dismayed Mr. Baggins goes about serving the ravenous dwarves, who have started eating the rush seats off his kitchen chairs.

Morthoron · 05-26-2008, 10:45 AM

An Unexpected Party, Part II

Narrator: Even with the eventual arrival of Gandalf the Gray and Thorin Oakenshield, an immensely important leader of the dwarves (and quite nattily attired, I must say), the ransacking of Bilbo's hobbit-hole continued unabated.

*Sounds of tables overturning, glass breaking and drunken laughter*

Bilbo: Please be careful with that...

*A dwarf hurls a plate like a Frisbee to another dwarf sitting across the table*

Bilbo: Don't use that one, please, it's my Battle of Greenfields Bicentennial Commemorative mug!

* A dwarf crushes the mug against his forehead*

Dwalin: More ale, Bilbo!

Balin: And more cakes!

Bombur: And more meat!

Dumplin: And more cleavage! [the dwarf ogles Bilbo's opened collar]

Bilbo: [quickly buttoning his shirt] Please, my good dwarves, please do be more careful!

*The Dwarves break out into song*

Chip the glasses and break the plates
Carve obscenities into the table
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates
Plunder the cupboards and switch the labels

Spread grease upon the kitchen walls
Vomit all over the welcome mat
Play rugby up and down the hall
Break the bottles and bury the cat [a cat shrieks]

Burn the tapestries, molest the sheep [plaintive bleating]
Piddle down the cellar stairs
That's what makes poor Bilbo weep
Torture the houseplants and crucify hares [quick animation of a rabbit on a cross with a Gregorian chant as background music]

*Gandalf's mighty voice rises above the din like thunder*

Gandalf: Enough! That will be quite enough of that!

*A dwarf falls from a chandelier*

Gandalf: [In a more businesslike manner] Now, we have urgent business to attend to...

Bêthberry · 05-26-2008, 11:02 AM

*Bethberry steps in briefly with an observation*

This is sounding entirely too much like Withnail and I. I do hope Gandy won't turn out to be an Uncle Monty.

Morthoron · 05-26-2008, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bêthberry

*Bethberry steps in briefly with an observation*

This is sounding entirely too much like Withnail and I. I do hope Gandy won't turn out to be an Uncle Monty.

*Shrugs*

I've never seen the movie (to be honest, I've never heard of it until you mentioned it -- blame it on my American naivety), but I take it your comment is entirely negative in that regard. Reading the summarization of the plot, I'm not seeing the similarities.

And no, based on the summarization I don't believe Gandalf will bear a resemblance to 'Uncle Monty', although I do see the part filled by Graham Chapman (who was of course gay in real life, but rarely played one in MP skits).

Bêthberry · 05-26-2008, 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morthoron

*Shrugs*

I've never seen the movie (to be honest, I've never heard of it until you mentioned it -- blame it on my American naivety), but I take it your comment is entirely negative in that regard. Reading the summarization of the plot, I'm not seeing the similarities.

And no, based on the summarization I don't believe Gandalf will bear a resemblance to 'Uncle Monty', although I do see the part filled by Graham Chapman (who was of course gay in real life, but rarely played one in MP skits).

Oh dearie me, referencing a movie from too long ago for the newer members. I did see Withnail and I in North America at an American movie chain theatre, so am quite positive it did have an NA release. And so now, faced with the humiliation of having to explain it all.... ah, ah, well. You are incorrect, though, that my observation was negative. So that's two strikes against my post. Might as well give up and return to silent lurking . . .

Carry on, gang.

05-23-2008, 09:38 PM	#3
Morthoron Curmudgeonly Wordwraith Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Ensconced in curmudgeonly pursuits Posts: 2,515	An Unexpected Party, Part I Narrator: And so Gandalf, having conjured up a writ of Habeas Corpus (as well as disintegrating the stubborn judge's gavel with a flash of lightning), managed to secure Bilbo Baggins' release from unlawful detention. The Sackville-Bagginses were, of course, sacked, and the relieved Bilbo once again found himself alone in the cozy environs of his quaint hobbit hole. Setting a kettle on the hob, Bilbo sat back in his chair and gingerly nibbled a biscuit. Knock, knock Bilbo: Now who can that be? Ah yes, it's Wednesday, and Gandalf said he'd be by. Opens the door Bilbo: Greetings Gandalf, how are...wait a moment, who the 'ell are you? Dwalin: Dwalin at your service. [the dwarf in a dark-green cape bows grandly] Uncomfortable silence Dwalin: I am here for a meeting. Uncomfortable silence Dwalin: Errr...At Gandalf's request. Bilbo: Right...in you go then. I'm about to take tea and have some cakes, would you care to join me? Dwalin: I thought you would never ask. I am starving. The dwarf hangs up his cape on a peg and bowls Bilbo over in a rush to reach the cakes Knock, knock Bilbo: [Picking himself off the ground] Excuse me, Dwalin, I'll be right with you! [opens the door] Gandalf, I really... A white-haired dwarf in a scarlet hood bows Balin: Greetings! Balin at your service! Ah, I can see by the green hood that they have begun to arrive! Is that seed-cake I smell? Don't worry, I'll help meself. I hope you have some beer in your cellar. Balin puts his hood on a peg next to Dwalin's and storms off down the hallway Bilbo: [pitifully] They? Begun to arrive? Knock, knock Bilbo: This better damn well be Gandalf! Two more dwarves force their way through Bilbo's door, hanging two blue hoods on the pegs Fili and Kili: We are Fili and Kili at your... Bilbo: Yes, yes, you're at my bloody service. Off with you then. The two dwarves stamp down the hall Knock, knock Bilbo: Oh for the love of... Bilbo opens the door to find a dwarf in a pink hood Dumplin: HI! You must be Bilbo! Oooh, such an erotic name. I am Dumplin, at your service. [winks] Bilbo opens his mouth to speak, but is speechless Dumplin: I'll just follow the others and get a bite to eat. Do you have a latte? Oh, never mind, I'll make some myself. Oh my dear, we have so much to talk about. I am intrigued by hobbits and their big feet. You know what they say... [winks again] The dwarf pinches Bilbo's bottom as he passes knock, knock Bilbo: What the... A horde of dwarves in variously colored hoods mob his doorway Bilbo: And just who are all of you? Gloin: We are the dwarves of limited speaking roles, at your service. Bit actors and carnies mostly. There's so few decent parts for we dwarves as of late, what with CG animation taking away all the Oompaloompa roles in Charlie and the Chocolate factory. Dori: That Tim Burton bastard. Gloin: At least this gig pays union scale, and is not some dwarf-tossing event at the local county fair. Dori: Dwarf-bowling's even worse. Bilbo: [rolls eyes] Come in, come in...I am Bilbo Baggins...at your service! The rest of your herd are already raping my pantry. What's a few more? The dwarves cheer and swarm over Bilbo, and soon there is the sound of clinking mugs and cracking plates knock, knock Bilbo: Oh, please be Gandalf! An immensely fat dwarf stands panting on Bilbo's porch Bilbo: And you are? Bombur: Hungry! Bilbo: Of course you are. Come on in! I am sure there are a few cattle I can wrangle up for you. Narrator: And so, a dismayed Mr. Baggins goes about serving the ravenous dwarves, who have started eating the rush seats off his kitchen chairs. __________________ And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision. Last edited by Morthoron; 05-25-2008 at 10:40 AM.

05-26-2008, 10:45 AM	#4
Morthoron Curmudgeonly Wordwraith Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Ensconced in curmudgeonly pursuits Posts: 2,515	An Unexpected Party, Part II Narrator: Even with the eventual arrival of Gandalf the Gray and Thorin Oakenshield, an immensely important leader of the dwarves (and quite nattily attired, I must say), the ransacking of Bilbo's hobbit-hole continued unabated. Sounds of tables overturning, glass breaking and drunken laughter Bilbo: Please be careful with that... A dwarf hurls a plate like a Frisbee to another dwarf sitting across the table Bilbo: Don't use that one, please, it's my Battle of Greenfields Bicentennial Commemorative mug! * A dwarf crushes the mug against his forehead* Dwalin: More ale, Bilbo! Balin: And more cakes! Bombur: And more meat! Dumplin: And more cleavage! [the dwarf ogles Bilbo's opened collar] Bilbo: [quickly buttoning his shirt] Please, my good dwarves, please do be more careful! The Dwarves break out into song Chip the glasses and break the plates Carve obscenities into the table That's what Bilbo Baggins hates Plunder the cupboards and switch the labels Spread grease upon the kitchen walls Vomit all over the welcome mat Play rugby up and down the hall Break the bottles and bury the cat [a cat shrieks] Burn the tapestries, molest the sheep [plaintive bleating] Piddle down the cellar stairs That's what makes poor Bilbo weep Torture the houseplants and crucify hares [quick animation of a rabbit on a cross with a Gregorian chant as background music] Gandalf's mighty voice rises above the din like thunder Gandalf: Enough! That will be quite enough of that! A dwarf falls from a chandelier Gandalf: [In a more businesslike manner] Now, we have urgent business to attend to... __________________ And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision. Last edited by Morthoron; 05-26-2008 at 12:43 PM.

05-26-2008, 11:02 AM	#5
Bêthberry Cryptic Aura Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 6,003	Bethberry steps in briefly with an observation This is sounding entirely too much like Withnail and I. I do hope Gandy won't turn out to be an Uncle Monty. __________________ I’ll sing his roots off. I’ll sing a wind up and blow leaf and branch away.