The Barrow Downs Newspaper - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Morthoron · 06-15-2008, 06:31 PM

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Dear Sir, Madam or Cat:

I must protest in the most strenuous possible terms the article entitled 'Cereal Box Discovered Having Affair With Toaster'. The very thought of it is absurd! Look, in my part of the country ready-to-eat breakfast foods do not mingle with electric kitchen utensils. It just is not done! You have gone beyond the bounds of decency reporting an odd bit of decadent, amoral and obviously deviant behavior that is certainly outside the realm of culinary taste.

Oh yes, I can hear the jokes now: 'What, were they caught spooning?' or 'Oh, she was a real Pop-tart alright!' and so on and so forth, thus trivializing the monogamous and God-given commandments rendered unto food groups and their associated utensils. Steak knives cut meat, butter knives butter bread, toasters make toast, bowls and spoons are made for cereal -- this is the bedrock and foundation of a civilized pantry!

What next, electric blenders furtively mixing with salmon? The silver tea set slumming with pork and beans? Bananas lasciviously stripping for the can-opener? It shall be perversion in the pantry! Clammering in the cupboards! Chaos in the kitchen! We shall be knived, scooped and forked before the morning coffee percolates! Cereal killers! Cereal killers and appliance abominations!

Sincerely yours,
Emma Little-Teapot
Short-on-Stout, Harrismehandle, Heresmespout Co.

P.S. Sorry for the outburst. Sometimes I get so steamed up, I just shout.

06-15-2008, 06:31 PM	#11
Morthoron Curmudgeonly Wordwraith Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Ensconced in curmudgeonly pursuits Posts: 2,515	LETTER TO THE EDITOR Dear Sir, Madam or Cat: I must protest in the most strenuous possible terms the article entitled 'Cereal Box Discovered Having Affair With Toaster'. The very thought of it is absurd! Look, in my part of the country ready-to-eat breakfast foods do not mingle with electric kitchen utensils. It just is not done! You have gone beyond the bounds of decency reporting an odd bit of decadent, amoral and obviously deviant behavior that is certainly outside the realm of culinary taste. Oh yes, I can hear the jokes now: 'What, were they caught spooning?' or 'Oh, she was a real Pop-tart alright!' and so on and so forth, thus trivializing the monogamous and God-given commandments rendered unto food groups and their associated utensils. Steak knives cut meat, butter knives butter bread, toasters make toast, bowls and spoons are made for cereal -- this is the bedrock and foundation of a civilized pantry! What next, electric blenders furtively mixing with salmon? The silver tea set slumming with pork and beans? Bananas lasciviously stripping for the can-opener? It shall be perversion in the pantry! Clammering in the cupboards! Chaos in the kitchen! We shall be knived, scooped and forked before the morning coffee percolates! Cereal killers! Cereal killers and appliance abominations! Sincerely yours, Emma Little-Teapot Short-on-Stout, Harrismehandle, Heresmespout Co. P.S. Sorry for the outburst. Sometimes I get so steamed up, I just shout. __________________ And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision.