The Barrow Downs Newspaper

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

I'm sure the Penguins will win.


Never, the dragons shall come out on top

[Morai]

The nicer side of Sauron, eh? That would make an interesting Downer philosophy class, or maybe ethics?

[THE Ka]

Fish being outlawed? :(

Seriously now, other ichthyophages besides myself depend on these gilly beings.

I can imagine the serious cat of the downs is rather partial to fish, you know...

I suggest those with this silly 'hydrophobia' look into swimming classes, hypnosis, or just a good pair of water wings before casting all of their water challenges against the fishies.

I'd like to see a bit more about the fish issue, it is serious you see... ;)

~ Serious Ichthyophagi Ka

[The Elf-warrior]

by Clap Trap

I was working on an expose of the exploitation of Pelargian fishermen when I received a message from Annatar, normally known as Sauron, the Nameless One, the Dark Lord, the Enemy, or the reason why social welfare budgets have to be cut yet again. It was an invitation to meet him for an interview. I readily agreed. I traveled to the Black Gate, were I showed the guards my press pass and was taken away to Barad-Dur in a blindfold. When the blindfold was taken off, I was in a large room with black walls and a painting of Morgoth wrestling with Tulkas. Sauron was at a black oak desk piled high with paperwork. He was very polite and invited me to pull up a chair and start the interview. I asked him, "Why are you so hated?"

He answered, "I am hated because I am a rebel against the Valarian power structure. I joined Morgoth, at first because Aulë didn't appreciate my talents, but then Morgoth taught me that Eru was a fraud. He was invented by the Valar to justify their authoritarianism. For example, take the case of Míriel. She was plumb tuckered out giving birth to Fëanor and wanted to die, but Mandos, the most rigidly authoritarian of them all, wouldn't let her. And they had this big debate about whether Finwë could remarry. They decided he could, but they prohibited Míriel from ever coming back from Mandos's gloomy halls if he did. I thought the reason they were so upset with Míriel was because she wanted to die. Why does Finwë suddenly have all this power over Míriel's fate? I'll tell you why. The Valar don't like women having control of their own destinies. Even the female Valar put down women to stay in the good graces of their husbands. The Eru delusion again. It's not right, so they think. But I'm different. I believe in self-determination.

That's what I tried to give Númenor. I believe death is an enemy to be defeated, not an inevitable fact. They are not called the Undying Lands for nothing. And I had no idea that the Valar were so blood thirsty that they would destroy every last person in Numenor who didn't join the treasonous "Faithful." I'll tell you what they were faithful to: racism and authoritarianism. These people willingly cooperated in their own subjugation by the Valar and the elves."

Q: "Where did orcs come from?"

A: "They evolved from apes, just the same as humans, dwarves, and elves. Just because orcs are hideously ugly doesn't mean they are evil."

Q: "But what about the alleged atrocities?"

A: "They are Valar-friend propaganda. I admit the orcs sometimes don't take prisoners, but it's payback for long years of oppression. Beautyism is a pernicious philosophy that degrades minorities. And what about the millions of people the Valar killed in the downfall of Numenor? Human sacrifice is a beautiful thing. It's a way of adoring those who have given you everything."

Q: "Do Balrogs have wings?"

A: "I'm not telling you that."

Q: "What is your favorite food?"

A: "Mincemeat pie."

Q: "What is your favorite color?"

A: "Black."

Q: "What is the Void? Do you know?"

A: "It's a prison in the center of the Milky Way Galaxy. Rumor has it that Morgoth has built a fabulous kingdom called Sha Ka Ree there. Sorry! I'll have to end the interview. I've tons of paper work to catch up with."

I said good-bye and was blindfolded again and let off at the black gate. I hope you enjoyed this glimpse of the kinder, gentler side of Sauron; the side they don't want you to know about.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Yes, it's that time again, folks!

http://i14.tinypic.com/4dxgly1.jpg

But don't think I've forgotten Phantom and Alien. This week, The Saucepan Man makes a come back!

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA028.jpg

[Thinlómien]

Haha, I always knew there was something wrong with Sleepy... :p

I just wish he'd show up here on the 'downs in honour of that brilliant article about him...

[Sleepy Ranger]

Ahem, I'm sorry but I've been unable to use the computer much due to school/university and such. I will however be making a triumphtant return in April. Yes, I have something planned.

Also since it never got out I believe, TORE won ME Idol. In other news, that was not me it was my doppleganger.

[The Might]

interesting couple there - a chicken and a wight

[Morai]

Aw. I always knew he had a soft spot for feathers.

[Gil-Galad]

wow... silly police always surrounding my house... won't they learn that the endangered pandas i smuggled over are in a warehouse across town...

[THE Ka]

it was my doppleganger.

That kid probably deserved it anyways...

~ Ka, not a doppleganger

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I will however be making a triumphtant return in April. Yes, I have something planned.

I can see the Headline now: "Sleepy Return ruined by Alien." :p

[Oddwen]

Holy fried Rings! I used to have a chicken exactly like that one!!

But our marriage ended because...she was a hen.

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

You keep suprising me Mr. Hookbill, I am wondering if you will ever run out of stories for the Newspaper.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

You keep suprising me Mr. Hookbill, I am wondering if you will ever run out of stories for the Newspaper.

I expect I will... eventually. :D

Anyway. I keep getting asked why Phantom allows Alien into his house. I belive this cartoon explains it...

http://i7.tinypic.com/2ugcqif.jpg

[Volo]

You keep suprising me Mr. Hookbill, I am wondering if you will ever run out of stories for the Newspaper.
I have a feeling that he'll run out of paper before he runs out of news. :D

The dark side of Alien... :eek:
http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b205/ih8mcdonalds/Neila3.jpg

[The Might]

The plot thickens I guess...I wonder who the Master is...
And how they want to get rid of Phantom

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I think its dangerous to try and make explanations as to why Alien is there at all. :p

But I like the fact that he ate half the table! :D

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

But I like the fact that he ate half the table! :D
Exactly!!! :D

P.S. Judging from its speech, I get a bad feeling that the Master is either a skwerl, or maybe even the... you-know-who (no, not THAT one)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Once again it is time to delve into the deeps of insanity...

http://i7.tinypic.com/2lw14bc.jpg

But let us not forget that lovable duo.

This week, a cameo from Thinlómien!

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA029.jpg

[The Might]

I think I know what happened to the pilot...:p

[High King Fingolfin]

I doubt it Might, as Alien doesn't look any fatter than normal. Though he may have an extremely fast metabolism ...

[Morai]

I think they'll have to thaw the chicken before they try to interview it. Otherwise, the conversation will be a little one-sided. But nothing the biased media can't handle!

As for the Alien, I think he's on a diet. He threw the pilot out the window.

[Thinlómien]

I think I'm quite cute. :)

I just wonder if I'm related to Diamond Duck...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I think I'm quite cute. :)

I just wonder if I'm related to Diamond Duck...

Are Ducks related to Penguins? :p

[Thinlómien]

Are Ducks related to Penguins? :pI guess they are... but quite distant relation, you know... *a snob glance at pond-quackers* ;)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I guess they are... but quite distant relation, you know... *a snob glance at pond-quackers* ;)

So, Penguins are like the upper class relatives that they invite to parties out of politeness but really don't want them to come.

I think this could be a story for the Newspaper! :D

[Thinlómien]

So, Penguins are like the upper class relatives that they invite to parties out of politeness but really don't want them to come.

I think this could be a story for the Newspaper! :DWe are not like Sackville-Bagginses or anuthing the like! How rude! :eek:

We penguins are nice folk.

[The Might]

I only now realised that thing is supposed to be a penguin...looked more like a crow to me at first

[Gil-Galad]

i thought it was a turtle.. .but now its a penguin... meh...

Penguin - Turtle, Potato - Potato

[Lalwendë]

And PC davem has got his job back. Will we get to see him posing around in his police hat again, the one that made him look like an extra in the Full Monty? :D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And PC davem has got his job back. Will we get to see him posing around in his police hat again, the one that made him look like an extra in the Full Monty? :D

I assure you he will be making an appearance in an upcoming front page. ;)

[Lalwendë]

I assure you he will be making an appearance in an upcoming front page. ;)

Haha! Excellent!

I think someone should open a Barrow-downs chippy and use the few unsold copies of the Downer to wrap the customers' chips and fish up in so they get a good read while they eat! :D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

i thought it was a turtle.. .but now its a penguin... meh...

Penguin - Turtle, Potato - Potato

Serious Cat's father has something to say about this...

http://i13.tinypic.com/47n47ph.jpg

:p

[THE Ka]

Serious Cat's father has something to say about this...

What a noble cat... Then again, cats make any sense of undeserved self-acomplishment look regal. I'm indeed impressed. :p

Sauron has a vacation house of chocolate? Did he buy and register a building permit in Candyland or something?

The downs could form one of those really pesky, but highly organized homeowner's associations, you know, architects and contractors' headaches...

*hides copy of Architecture Digest*


~ Ka

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Unfortunately, there was no News this week. So, I had a look through The Downer's archives and found this long lost edition from many, many years ago. Enjoy!

http://i5.tinypic.com/3yn6jhg.jpg

It even comes with the whimsical adventures of Sir Phantom and Master Alan...

http://i19.tinypic.com/2mwgeon.jpg

Even Serious Cat was around in those days...

http://i19.tinypic.com/44kpeg8.jpg

[Volo]

Ye jolly good ol' times! :D

[Thinlómien]

Poor Serious Cat! That moustache is horrible. :D ;)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Poor Serious Cat! That moustache is horrible. :D ;)

Really? I thought it quite honourable. :p

[The Might]

So did I...serious cat looks great
Anyway...interesting idea with the Downer this week...
Perhaps a retro cartoon of Phantom and Alien follows...
I could imagine Alien smoking a pipe and asking a butler to bring him some tea

[THE Ka]

What a dandy cat!

No wag of my finger, but a sure tip of my hat to that striking show.

~ Aesthete Ka

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I could imagine Alien smoking a pipe and asking a butler to bring him some tea

http://i12.tinypic.com/44u18nk.jpg

Hope you liked that. :D

[Volo]

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b205/ih8mcdonalds/Alan.jpg

[Lalwendë]

What's Serious Cat been up to there? Did he go on a rampage, destroying everything because he got Tesco Value Meat instead of Sheba? ;)

[The Might]

:D exactly what I had in mind!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

As Promised, Lal, this week, Davem is in the News...

http://i9.tinypic.com/4h1jerl.jpg

This week, The Phantom has a brother. Will he ever appear again? Only time will tell.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA030.jpg

[Lalwendë]

Ooh, I was late reading the paper today because I've been trying to keep up with what's been happening up my road because someone got shot last night! And I heard it all and thought it was fireworks! :eek: So I've been being like a real life DCI Lalwende...


It's that bit about davem being 'roped in to it by strange forces' that rings most true. He often blames things on this, such as not doing his ironing etc.

I'll leave it there before he sees this and gets sarcastic on me...

:D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Does davem read The Downer? Or is it too High Brow? :p
Or maybe he just does not like Alien...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/DaveandLal.jpg

Anyway, people, if you have any stories you'd like on the front page, just PM them to me (because I am falling behind at the moment). I'm thinking of doing a competition soon where I'll post an amusing picture and the one who can make the best story for it will not only get on the Front Page, but win... I don't know... some grass. :eek:

[Morai]

Hm...I wonder if Bob the Liar is really credible....

And is the Eye of Sauron allergic to muffins? That'd be a terrible allergy to have.


Lastly, you should probably give away mud instead of grass, mud's more legal in these parts.

[Oddwen]

Lastly, you should probably give away mud instead of grass, mud's more legal in these parts.Nahh. I'd rather have the grass, it makes your barrow look all nice and grown-over. It attracts more feckless hobbits that way. ;)

[THE Ka]

Nahh. I'd rather have the grass, it makes your barrow look all nice and grown-over. It attracts more feckless hobbits that way. ;)

Quite indeed. Also, to add a topping of spare mushrooms here and there to sod is quite effective as well, I've found.
Some floral arrangements are 'meh' at best, the mushrooms are the way to go.

~ Ka, Aesthete again

[Hookbill the Goomba]

My lap top died yesterday and I have been frantically trying to extract the upcoming Downer weeks off the fried hard drive. :(

So, several things may happen,

Firstly, I may recover the files and we'll be okay, or there will be no Downer next week or, if there is, the style and content will probably be different. Mainly because I will have to start from scratch instead of using the template I made.

Let us hope that I can get the data out. Although, I suspect I know who the culprit is...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Goodeatin.jpg

[Lalwendë]

Does davem read The Downer? Or is it too High Brow? :p
Or maybe he just does not like Alien...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/DaveandLal.jpg



I just hope you do not have sinister *sage-like abilities.... :eek:



*note, not the garden herb which goes so well with onions in stuffing, but the kind of 'sage' like scary Mother Shipton or Nostradamus. I am not suggesting that you, Hookbill. are green and live in the garden...

BTW davem's mac is playing up and my laptop keeps overheating so I know how you feel. :(

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I am not suggesting that you, Hookbill. are green and live in the garden...

Like, The Jack in the Green? :D

As some of you may be aware, my beloved laptop sadly passed away yesterday. :(
Unfortunately, I am, for now, without Microsoft Image composer, the program I use to make the newspapers and until I get it back I'm going to try some other methods but I cannot promise great quality in future papers.
Also, I'm thinking of hiring an assistant writer for the Paper. If anyone is interested, the job will entail writing one story a week of around 200-300 words and, if he or she likes, some of the little side headlines also.
If you're interested let me know. I need help because I've fallen a little behind with university work piling up and my computer problems. :(

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Well, here is the News... Happy now?

http://i4.tinypic.com/4gi27ug.jpg

It's interesting that I made this Phantom and Alien just before my computer died...

http://i12.tinypic.com/2rz8a9w.jpg

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

Seems like a little prophecy from the Alien, doesn't it? ;)

However I am happy that you managed to get the Downer out despite all the problems! I would certainly miss it! :cool:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Seems like a little prophecy from the Alien, doesn't it?

Yes, it seems I may yet have 'sage-like' abilities after all! :eek:

So, Lal, Davem, you'd better keep an eye out for Alien coming near your house with a box of matches. :(
But, just in case this is true...

http://i17.tinypic.com/4grw3fm.jpg

Lets hope that one comes true! :D

[The Might]

Nice...interesting powers I guess, not exactly what I had expected
Btw, I wonder if the serious cat will ever make a guest star appearence...but on the other hand I fear that Alien would eat the jolly good cat :(

[Morai]

Hmm....I wonder where one buys a table player. :D

[Oddwen]

I'm sure you can find a good turntable at any music store...:p

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

Btw, I wonder if the serious cat will ever make a guest star appearence...but on the other hand I fear that Alien would eat the jolly good cat :(
Don't be silly. She wouldn't let him.

[The Might]

Which brings me to a new question.
Is serious a she or a he???
I mean, considering the moustache I think it's pretty obvious it should be a he...but you never know

[Lalwendë]

Lots of cats have mysterious moustaches, both the hes and shes. It are actually quite disturbing how many kitties bear a resemblance to a certain dictator. (http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com/) :eek:

Of course, our Serious Cat are look more like a Lord Peter Wimsey type...good chap. :smokin:

[The Might]

hmm...a mystery
I just thought of serious cat with its old style look being worshiped by thousands of slaves in ancient Egypt, maybe even have its own pyramid...:rolleyes:

[Elmo]

Hey the forum cat looks just my old one before it got run over, its cute but the serious cat, I know where Winston Churchill is knowadays, Oh but my old cat. Poor Ronnie why did you have to get run over?

[mormegil]

Let's cut the chat

http://forum.barrowdowns.com/images/chatskwerl.jpg

[Gil-Galad]

Let's cut the chat

http://forum.barrowdowns.com/images/chatskwerl.jpg

don't you mean let's cut the cat? :p


but yeah, i wonder if hookbill is ever going to compile all his phantom and the alien comics into one organized collection...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

but yeah, i wonder if hookbill is ever going to compile all his phantom and the alien comics into one organized collection...

It's funny you should mention that. I did have that Idea but thought it would be pointless... Mmmm... maybe not... *dreams*

Seriously, thought, does anyone want a job at The Downer? :(

[Lalwendë]

don't you mean let's cut the cat? :p


Maybe morm is warning us in Franglais?

the chat...le chat...the cat...

I'll get me coat...

It's funny you should mention that. I did have that Idea but thought it would be pointless... Mmmm... maybe not... *dreams*

No Mr H of G, no dreams for you, you are scaring me with your sage like abilities. Just step back away from the cheese...

Anyway, what you are looking for is an Intern. A Deputy Editor. A Downer's Apprentice.

I might be able to come up with some amusing snippets for you if you promise not to go anywhere near the cheese at suppertime. ;)

[Durelin]

It seems our very own Fordim Hedgthistle made an appearance in many newspapers across the US today, in this lovely little comic (http://www.comics.com/comics/getfuzzy/archive/getfuzzy-20070306.html).

And it appears serious cat is not alone as an animal resident of the 'Downs... His far less sophisticated cousin seems to have caught the addiction, as well, perhaps adding to his...bad habits.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v202/Durelin/big20catcopy.jpg


And of course one of the longest dead residents of the 'Downs...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v202/Durelin/s320x240copy.jpg

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Anyway, what you are looking for is an Intern. A Deputy Editor. A Downer's Apprentice.

I might be able to come up with some amusing snippets for you if you promise not to go anywhere near the cheese at suppertime.

*Says farewell to cheese* :p

This idea for a Phantom and Alien collection has consumed my mind and I think it will work! :D I'm going to make a collection of episodes 001-036 (random numbers are cool!) Not only that, but they'll all be digitally remastered with the new P&A models. There will be extras like the original sketches, an interview with The Phantom*, out-takes and cut out models of the characters...

We shall see... I have to laugh sometimes when I realise how much work I put into something I am doing for free. :)

*I may just make this up unless Mr Phantom himself wants to do it.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Another Week to seek the meek...

http://i18.tinypic.com/4c7qxj4.jpg

See, SPM, I told you you'd get some slander! :p

This week, Alien becomes a chef...

http://i15.tinypic.com/2s0czt5.jpg

[The Elf-warrior]

By Michael Delving

The Phantom was arrested for the murder of astrobiologist Leonard Crusher on Sunday. He repeatedly shouted, "I've been framed by the Master!" According to a draft of a press release leaked by a source close to the police department, The Phantom was angry over Dr. Crusher's insistence that there is no such thing as extraterrestrial life. According to the draft report, The Phantom angrily insisted that he was regularly visited by a destructive alien who has repeatedly destroyed his flower bed. Allegedly, Dr. Crusher replied, "Yeah, and I suppose you're also Death's buddy," and was shot repeatedly with an automatic revolver by an enraged Phantom. PC davem and DCI Lalwendë have refused to give any direct comment on the matter. The Saucepan Man, The Phantom's lawyer has also refused comment. "Until I investigate this matter further, I'm not saying anything. It would be too unbelievable. Until such a time, don't believe everything that's leaked to you. Again and again, my client's chances have been prejudiced by innuendo, half-truths, and outright fabrications by court and police officials." Beverly Crusher, the slain man's sister, commented that she found the whole matter "heartbreaking and inexplicable". davem has vigorously denied that either the courts or the police are in the habit of deliberately leaking evidence. "That's absurd," he said. "I am sad to see that The Saucepan Man has stooped to such paronoia. Almost everyone we arrest is guilty, so naturally anything that gets leaked by rogue members of the police and judicial system reflects negatively on his clients."

[The Might]

:D LOL I liked the title about "Argonath playing to a live audience", and not a dead one
Also, nice one with Phantom and Alien...I wonder if Alien had planned it or if it was a mistake
Oh, and nice picture with the cat Durelin, maybe it's Serious himself

[THE Ka]

See, SPM, I told you you'd get some slander!

... That is the last time I design mon maison out of non-toxic materials. ;)

~ Architectually Ambitious Ka

[The Elf-warrior]

By Michael Delving

I was working on the Phantom murder story when I got a telephone call from Mister Underhill. He said, "Mr. Delving, I'd like you to interview me." I answered, "Is right now OK?" He said, "Sure," and I turned on my tape recorder and started with my first question.

Q: "Are you out to get people?"

A: "If you call being concerned about the quality of the people who live here and the quality of our conversations being out to get people, then yes, I am. But I am not arbitrary. I follow the rules handed down by His Wightness, The Barrow-Wight.

Q: "Why did davem leave and then come back?"

A: "I don't know. He did say something about going undercover on some incredibly secret and important matter, but I think Lalwende drove him away to get some cleaning done."

Q: "What goes on in the secret forum?"

A: "I don't know what you're..."

Q: "I demand to know what goes on in the secret forum! As a journalist it's my job to expose what is secret."

A: "We have a lot of discussions."

Q: "About what?"

A: "Cheese."

Q: "Explain yourself."

A: "Well, we discuss the merits of various types of cheese. For example, the The Barrow-Wight likes green cheese even though he was initially very disappointed that it wasn't actually green. Alatar likes cheddar and colby jack."

Q: "What else do you discuss?"

A: "Stupid people. We have an absolute ball! Just yesterday I told me fellow mods about the jerk who cut me off on my way to Legolas's barrow. He was driving his ox cart like a chariot. I yelled at him, "Sir, are you trying to kill your ox?"
He went absolutely ballistic. He cursed me by Sauron, Morgoth, and Zeus's brow. He said I was a dirty rotten hypocrite for using sarcasm. I'm a mod! I have every right to chide him for his bad behavior."

Q: "Is there anyone who's in danger of being banished?"

A: "I'm sad to say The Phantom. We can't tolerate wights murdering each other, but I'm not convinced he did it. I think something more sinister than The Phantom's ego is behind this. I've been told through the grapevine..."

Q: "Mr. Saucepan you mean?"

A: "Yes, but also Sharku. He smells a massive coverup. He thinks that some highly respectable Downers are guilty."

Q: "Name names!"

A: "Meneltarmacil, for one. I can't say any more. It would compromise the investigation. All I can say is that this is incredibly big and incredibly dangerous. I have business to attend to. Bye!"

And with that he hung up the phone. Coward! I wanted his take on the mysterious penguin murder affair some months back.

[alatar]

Actually, it's that cheese with the pepperoni already mixed in (What's not to like? :)), but the others were just a ruse to put off Underhill.

[Morai]

A: "Well, we discuss the merits of various types of cheese. For example, the The Barrow-Wight likes green cheese even though he was initially very disappointed that it wasn't actually green. Alatar likes cheddar and colby jack."

Man....I wish I had access to that forum. *Attempts to hack in*
;)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

This week, some controversial goings on...

Also, the second story is by every one's favorite monkey, Mormegill!

http://i15.tinypic.com/2hz3l2t.jpg

And Now, The Phantom takes a little holiday...

http://i17.tinypic.com/2rhl4px

[mormegil]

Also, the second story is by every one's favorite monkey, Mormegill!

Thanks for adding it Hookbill. Maybe I'll do a bit of guest writing in the future if you would like.

[The Might]

:D Nice story with the iPod accesories thread...though I have to agree that it really did have potential
Maybe a kind of quiz show like those where you have to guess the price for different objects.
Maybe all could guess how much a phone costs and then the one closest could win...anyway, just an idea

And nice cartoon update, though I start pitying Phantom, and I keep wondering why nothing ever happens to Alien :confused:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And nice cartoon update, though I start pitying Phantom, and I keep wondering why nothing ever happens to Alien :confused:

Remember, in episode 11, Alien got shot in the head and he grew it back. For all we know, he too got mauled by the Lion. :D

And yes, Morm, please do write more! :) Your payment is in the post. Unfortunately, I don't know your address, so it'll probably stay there for a while.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Despite all the pain... here we go again...

http://i5.tinypic.com/34igv3a.jpg

In this week's Phantom and Alien, Davem has a close encounter of the annoying kind.

http://i12.tinypic.com/2moxd82.jpg

[The 1,000 Reader]

I've never read these before, but let me say that I think it's cool that you used the title of my latest thread for the paper, and the article (mainly the picture) about the monkey shooting Sauron and making him explode was hilarious.

[The Might]

I liked the Dan Brown/Wight idea, funny story
Maybe an "Angels and Wights" sequel might follow soon

[Lalwendë]

A candidate for Best Issue, Ever?

That's made me laugh a bit too much today. :D

Liking how Davem speaks in proper 'Yorkshire' saying 'thou' (this peculiar language also includes the words 'thee' 'thy' and 'thar', mua-ha-ha), even though he has glass in his eyes. :(

Liking that mad Anguirel picture. Hey, if I'm a DCI, can my car be like that really cool 70's Cortina as seen in Life On Mars? Please?

Liking the Da-Vem code! (wish I could crack that one - meh).

And Liking beyond all reasonable belief that a Tardis has materialised in my garden! I know I have a play one in my dining room, but a real one? In my own garden? That would be so awesome it would be beyond belief! :eek:

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Wouldn't (moderated) Yorkshire dialect be 'I want a word wi' thee'?

I can deny it no longer! The control exerted by the outsized headgear of the Downs is indeed malign and diabolic! Behold how I am unable to keep my upper lip decently shaven, how my complexion has faded to the wraith-like grey of an Edwardian photograph, and how I can no longer take account of ninety years' development in men's fashion! Curse you, Hat-wights, for making me this way!

You can never get rid of them, you know. They get under your skin in a way, so that to cast them aside seems a great task. Eventually you come to love them, and to share them seems a kindness. Soon you too will join us. :smokin:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Liking the Da-Vem code! (wish I could crack that one - meh).


Why? You fond of wearing Big Hats? :rolleyes:

For your consideration...

The Downer Newspaper will be presenting some of the most insane things ever to grace a computer screen on May the first. To Celebrate the birth of The Barrow Downs. These will include:

- A special video about the Phantom and Alien
- Some shocking headlines
- A lemon
- And the first annual Orc beauty contest.

If you want to add your own events for the big day, PM me and we'll discuss it. :)

IMPORTANT MESSAGE:

I'd just like to categorically state that Alien isn't necessarily an alien. That's his name, 'Alien'. What is he? Pfft. Who cares?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Now the moment no one's been waiting for...

This week I had a bit of trouble with the quality for some reason... sorry.

http://i9.tinypic.com/3ygq1y1.gif

This week, The Phantom spells it out...

http://i10.tinypic.com/3zqsgmw.jpg

[the phantom]

I've been trying and trying to figure out a way to kill Alien. There's got to be a way!!

[Morai]

I've been trying and trying to figure out a way to kill Alien. There's got to be a way!!

Ever try bug spray? I've heard it's excelllent at getting rid of pests. ;)

[The Might]

As Hookbill already said earlier in the thread, in episode 11, Alien got shot in the head and he grew it back.
Bug spray wouldn't be too effective I guess.

[the guy who be short]

Could Alien be boiled in a stew, I wonder?

[Glirdan]

Maybe we could roast him like pig.....

Or blow him up.....

Yes....explosions....FIRE!! :D Uh...I mean....*runs away*

[the phantom]

I finally thought of how to kill Alien. I can't believe I never came up with this before.

The fires of Mount Doom!!

But I'm not ready to do it yet. I think the guy deserves some time to adjust to our way of life. But if he takes too terribly long improving, or if he does something unforgivable, he will be making a trip to Mordor with me.

[Meneltarmacil]

As far as the Jelly Incident is concerned, rumors of Nilpaurion Felagund being controlled by my Mind Programming Device are completely untrue. Seriously. *hides the remote*

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Ah! The shame! The Shame of it all!


Here's the News...

http://i10.tinypic.com/4hhkd3q.jpg

And now, Alien goes electronic! :eek: This can only end badly.

http://i18.tinypic.com/47l0nqw.jpg


Don't forget: The Barrow Downs Birthday is coming up! Including yet another 3-part Phantom and Alien (like at Christmas) as well as... well... you'll have to wait and see. ;)

[Lalwendë]

I'm liking IKEA cat.

Not least because he looks like my boy Angus, but because the idea of it makes me laugh. Do you have to queue up for hours to buy him? Wander round endless shelves with a scrap of paper with an esoteric code scrawled on it, looking for the Lost Shelf Of Doom (AKA F45)?

What's his name? Flokkeblot? Grott? Dinkelburm?

Does he come with an Allen key?

[The Might]

Nice...finally Alien gets punished for all his actions...and takes Phantom down with him
Nice idea with the IKEA cat, I wonder if you get some instructions for it too...
Or a tail sold separately offer? :)

[Morai]

I loved the scenery on the last panel of the Phantom a :D nd the Alien.

[narfforc]

Looking at that picture of Gandalf I wondered, when Bilbo, Gandalf and the Dwarves stayed at Beorn the Bare's Swedish Nudist Colony, was he forced to uncloak or did he do it willingly.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I loved the scenery on the last panel of the Phantom a :D nd the Alien.

*Ahem* It's just 'Alien' there is no 'The'. :p
Sorry, I'm very picky about that.
Yes, I'm quite happy with the scenery there. The general rule from now on is that when they are inside The Phantom's house it's a white background, elsewhere it is some kind of scenery... Unless I forget. ;)

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

I feel compelled to point out that "Gin? No! I'll have a glass of salt instead" and "Crocodile says..." are the funniest statements I've seen all month: a whole newspaper consisting only of such headlines would still be highly readable. Personally, I claim to have controvertible and contestable evidence that crocodiles are all Faroese; but I'll only reveal it to people with at least twelve 'x's in their names.

I bought one of those IKEA cats. Well, perhaps 'stole out of a skip' is a more accurate description. Every time I try to program my video recorder, the cat's head rotates one-hundred and eighty degrees and its eyes pop out, breaking windows, furniture and my priceless collection of trepanning memorabilia. Also, its legs have been known to fall off at inconvenient moments. The 'electrocute small child' function, which comes as standard in ineptly assembled models, is most amusing.

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

I don't remember The Downer ever having this headline: "Ruling ring rocks rural residents"

Surely that must be a mistake. . .

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I was thinking the same thing, Rune. Maybe I'll use it when I finally run out of ideas. :D

Also, The Downer is now opening a competition:

Are you a budding song writer? Fed up with the lack of National Anthem on the Downs? Well, today is your day! If you have an idea for some lyrics for a Barrow Downs National Anthem, PM them to me and I'll look over them. Me and a cracked team of individuals will look over them and announce the winner on April 20th. Then, on May 1st, that National Anthem will have a musical tune to go with it and The Downer will be opening the doors to anyone who want to try and sing along with it!

Good luck and good gravy!

[Boromir88]

I'm kind of sad Gandalf's uncloaking gag has to come to a close...I mean occasionally that got me some negative reps but I will still miss that annoying running gag. I guess all good things must come to an end eventually.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I'm kind of sad Gandalf's uncloaking gag has to come to a close...I mean occasionally that got me some negative reps but I will still miss that annoying running gag. I guess all good things must come to an end eventually.

Did you notice the subtle link to it being the 40th issue this week? 40 years of uncloaking? I thought it was good. :D

[The Sixth Wizard]

About time! I'm sick of that running ga - oh Iluvatar here he comes!

Gandalf: Just one more time!

Sixth Wizard: Noooo! Gandalf! GAAAAAaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The Barrow Downs' Birthday is coming up and I'm starting a new competition. If anyone can make a claim for one of their posts being the best post on the downs, then they will get a story about them in the Birthday special or an appearance in The Phantom and Alien (depending on if I can draw you or not :p ).
What you must do is this:

Find a post of yours that you think is the best. It can be anything; A long Book discourse, a Crazy caption, a Newspaper article ( ;) ) or anything from the Downs.
Explain what you think the merits are in that particular post.
Try and convince me that your post is the best post.

You have until April 25th to do this.

Who will be able to say...

http://i18.tinypic.com/2zomagg.jpg

[Bêthberry]

Is this what Serious Cat is doing on his holiday?

Bus cat's holiday (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=447527&in_page_id=17)


PS. Cute contest, Hookbill. Can we nominate other people's posts or only one of our own?

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

I read about that cat. . .I never saw the photos before thought and they made me quite sad as that cat is identical to my old cat Misser. He too had a blue and a green eye and was all white, he how ever did not ride busses and died of cancer some years ago.





I think it would be cool if we could nominate other peoples posts.

[Boromir88]

Did you notice the subtle link to it being the 40th issue this week? 40 years of uncloaking? I thought it was good.

Not until now...great story for the 40th week. :p

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Special thanks to The Phantom for writing the second story and the mini headlines...

The Downer:

News that reviews the glues that fuse the loos.

http://i19.tinypic.com/30m3ea8.jpg

This week, Alien gets into a spot of bother with the Law.

http://i14.tinypic.com/2hwzd51.jpg

PS. Cute contest, Hookbill. Can we nominate other people's posts or only one of our own?

Yes, if you so wish.

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

*applause* Now this was absolutely great. Even from the topmost headline "Outbreak of hastiness threatens ent community"... And today's comic strip as well. TP was probably quite lucky that Alien decided to spend some time with robbery instead of passing time with him, otherwise we wouldn't see the second article.

[The Saucepan Man]

SPM Secretly Hates Film Version of LOTRI would sue for libel, only the allegation is more likely to increase my standing in the Downs community than decrease it. ;)

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Elrond fined for practising medicine without a license
See I was right in starting my Elrond The Swindler series in "Fortunately-Unfortunately". . .

[Volo]

Lal's expressions are wonderful! :D

[the phantom]

The headline doesn't upset you, SPM? :eek: I thought for sure it would send you into a frenzied rage.

Now I have to spend time coming up with another SPM headline. :mad:

[The Might]

I could imagine Kuruharan saying to Thorin:
"Don't be sad, we will always have Erebor!"

[Lalwendë]

Lal's expressions are wonderful! :D

They always are! :D *

Let's hope Lal hasn't been watching too much Gene Hunt from Life On Mars or Alien's in for a hard time of it in the lost property room... :eek:


*If I say so myself...

[THE Ka]

There is no barrowdowns member named plain old "Aragorn" or "Frodo"

I often wondered about that when I first joined the downs, then I forgot it. :p
I believe it is just a force of collective personal originalism which leads us away from the expected. Otherwise, I can't see anything like 'gandalf uncloaking' or the classic, 'disco boromir' ever happening. Which, would be very sad.


~ what a name, why? Ka

[Damrod]

nothing in the Downer about CoH? I'll post this brief I 'found' on my 'local newspaper's website'.
_________
New J.R.R Tolkien Epic Released

by Kenneth Herberton (wire service correspondent)

To the glee of fans, the new book 'The Children of Hurin' appeared on bookstores Tuesday. The Children of Hurin is a new work from the deceased J.R.R. Tolkien. Tolkien began work on the novel in 1918, but finally finished it a few weeks ago due to pressure from HarperCollins. It was transcribed for publication by a mysterious psychic/medium known only as 'CT'.
The tale (written entirely in Quenyan, Tolkien's language of the dwarves)centers around Turin Turambar, a mighty hobbit who, despite advice from his companion, Glaurung the dragon, marries his sister causing him to accidentally kill everyone he sees. Children of Hurin takes place long before The Hobbit, and The Lord of the Rings, Tolkien's famous re-telling of Wagner's Nibelungen der Ringe.
Many have speculated over whether it will be developed into a film, and in fact, an adaptation by New Line Cinema starring Orlando Bloom as Turin and Eddie Murphy as every other character is currently in production.

[Diamond18]

"Miscalculation"? Bollocks. I did it on purpose: nobody forces me to dance without certain, shall we say, reprecussions.

[Rikae]

Aragorn, Alatar Agree;Abundant Alliteration "Annoying"
I like a little alliteration in my literature, but a little alliteration goes a long way. :)

[Kuruharan]

nobody forces me to dance without certain, shall we say, reprecussions.

Not even if they bring offerings of flowers, chocolates and some really good claret?

[Diamond18]

You and I have very different definitions of the word "force" apparently. ;)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Oh, Damrod, don't you know that The Downer is only interested in the truest stories, not made up rubbish that could never happen in real life.
And to prove that we do not print lies in this paper, we gots a new spokesman...

http://i15.tinypic.com/40om4o1.jpg

See? It's Serious.

[Thinlómien]

Serious Penguin beats Serious Cat 6-0. :p

Are they related, by the way? Or just colleagues?





(PS. I think the Serious Peng looks like a salesperson... ;))

[Bêthberry]

Serious Penguin does a serious walkabout.


http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y64/MimsyBorogroves/penguinmarching.jpg

[The Might]

I personally like the cat more
The penguing has some ugly band on his arm, that's so 70s :Merisu:

[Thinlómien]

I personally like the cat more
The penguing has some ugly band on his arm, that's so 70s :Merisu:But then seventies are going to be very trendy soon, trust me... :Merisu: ;)

[Brinniel]

The penguing has some ugly band on his arm, that's so 70s
I thought the band on his arm was what made him officially Serious Penguin. :p

[Morai]

But then seventies are going to be very trendy soon, trust me...

Hm...I thought they already were.

As for Serious Penguin and Serious Cat, everyone knows they're not just colleagues, they're lovers. ;)

[The Might]

I doubt anything would work out between them, there would simply be too much seriosity in the relationship. :D

An interesting that I noticed is that in the 1st picture this band is on his left wing, while in the 2nd it's on his right one...;)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I thin we are delving into the realms of chat, so I think we should move on, unless you have an article about Serious Peng or Serious Cat.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

As Promised, Eomer is up to no good...

The Phantom once again helped out with the second story and some of the mini headlines.

http://i18.tinypic.com/2qvs9ol.jpg

Now, part one of the three part Phantom and Aline. The next episode will be next week and the final one on May 1st!

http://i15.tinypic.com/2hnca3s.jpg

To be continued! :eek:

[Rikae]

This is gold!
"No one ever goes to Elvish Guidence counselor"
ROFL...no, wait a minute...not really. ;)
Love the Hitchhiker's guide ref!

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

That picture is... something else. Reminds me of Natural Born Killers. :p

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Love the Hitchhiker's guide ref!

It is week 42! ;)

That picture is... something else. Reminds me of Natural Born Killers.

Or, rather, Natural Born Burners?

[Volo]

Especially great this time! And I bet it isn't a coincidence that I'm reading "The Restourant at the End of the Universe" at the moment.

[The Might]

I like the ROTFL reference, I really hate when people use it
I mean...how can you type and roll on the floor on the same time...that's something they probably train
I wonder what will happen to Alien...:p

[the guy who be short]

I was so fed up with rofl that I invented ocl, or on chair laughing, as a credible alternative.

Vote ocl!

[Meneltarmacil]

I've just read Estelyn's announcement, and I think congratulations would be in order, Hookbill. Well done!

[the guy who be short]

*Puts on party hat in preparation for May Day celebrations*

Well done Hookbill!

[Rikae]

Congratulations!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Thanks, all ye people. Its interesting that in just 10 weeks we'll be celebrating The Downer's first birthday!
Moreover, I am thinking about putting together a special collection of the first years papers. Anyone who is going to Oxonmoot can get one off me. Although, I may also post some to anyone who wants one.
It's still in the early stages of progress... but if anyone is interested when its done, a PM will be okay if you'll want one. It will, of course, include many extras! It'll all be free, of course. :smokin:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Week 43 Do-de-de!

http://i17.tinypic.com/4c1gpw7.jpg

Now Part Two of the special Phantom and Alien story...

http://i15.tinypic.com/2hyig5l.jpg

Will The Phantom escape? How will Alien fair against Phantombot? Will Hookbill ever get tired of this? Find out tomorrow when we celebrate the Downs' 7th birthday!

[The Might]

I liked the idea with millions dead in a grave yard...:D
But mostly it was the butler cat image that made me smile...is Serious still on vacation btw?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

But mostly it was the butler cat image that made me smile...is Serious still on vacation btw?

Serious cat is trying to work off all that weight he gained last week. :p

[Morai]

Rising from the dead, just think of all the legal implications. :p

"Highly tall" reminded me distinctly of Invader Zim. :D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I know you want more, so here is week forty four...

http://i19.tinypic.com/6g19rn9.jpg

This week, The Phantom isn't feeling well. Obviously it is effecting his brain...

http://i14.tinypic.com/6bmscox.jpg

[Hookbill the Goomba]

We apologize to readers of last weeks paper. Due to a printing error, the inside was full of custard... We're still not sure how that happened...
But, anyway, here we are for another week...

http://i7.tinypic.com/61z02ol.jpg

Now, the Saucepan Man visits the carnival and comes upon a strange booth...

http://i10.tinypic.com/624h6ok.jpg

NOTE: In this week's Phantom and Alien, it was originally The Phantom and not SPM. But after I had several problems with getting him in the right positions and things and then I decided that, just so you could have a bit of a change, I'd move away from the normal format every now and again.

[Rikae]

Let me be the first to toast the Wight's reforms! A 51 hour day will be perfect, especially since it's my turn to mod Werewolf! :D

What on earth is coconut shy?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

What on earth is coconut shy?

One of those games where you have to throw a ball at coconuts to knock them off little podium things.
Except Alien took it in a different direction...

[the guy who be short]

This extended day idea will cause havoc with our internal bodyclocks, leading to stress and heart attacks.Heh. I'm revising Psychology on the Downs. Go me.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

http://i13.tinypic.com/52mnbcz.jpg

This week, The Phantom tries to replace Alien...

http://i4.tinypic.com/6c40ol0.jpg

[Thinlómien]

Hookbill... were you possibly hungry while doing that? :p

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Hookbill... were you possibly hungry while doing that?

Very possibly. :p

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

And you are so hungry that you'll eat live chickens? Yup, I'll do it only for money...

[The Might]

I'll do it for half the price Legate asks for.
And you're right, when Alien isn't there, something seems to be missing from the cartoon.

[Gil-Galad]

well ouch... i first thought you killed me off, but then i saw my hands were green, so you killed Bizarro(keeping with the spirit of superman)-Gil-Galad! so i'm still alive

[Valesse]

Goodness, but that does open up an interesting question... where would the capital city of the Barrowdowns be if the Barrowdowns were a ...place. As compared to the website... and not the- Oh you know what I mean!

[The Saucepan Man]

Sir

Re: Argonath Given Keys to City on Slow News Day

I really must protest at the glaring inaccuracy in this week's edition of The Downer. While it is usually second to none for the quality of its journalism and meticulous attention to detail, it really is about time that your Mr Pritchard cottoned on to the fact that I no longer hold the esteemed position of Barrow-Downs moderator.

Yours apoplectically

Brigadier Sir Saucepan-Mann, Ret.
Tonbridge Wells

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Hm. I was not aware of this. What happened? Wait, don't tell me! I'll do some 'investigative journalism' ;)

Gil, almost everyone has green hands and skin in The Phantom and Alien, because they are on The Barrow Downs. Although, I had forgotten this when I made the Lalwende and Davem cartoons. :rolleyes:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

If you want news, look to the Newspaper! :D

Special thanks once again to The Phantom who wrote a second story. I believe it is in honour of Diamond. So... there you go.

http://i14.tinypic.com/505c7qa.jpg

This week, Alien wants to go for a spin in Phantom's new cart...

http://i8.tinypic.com/661ikj6.jpg

[The Saucepan Man]

Don't you just love the Downer? Always at the forefront of the latest breaking news. A bastion of high quality, up-to-the-minute journalism.

After all, it's only about 6 months late in reporting my retirement as a mod. :rolleyes: ;)

[The Sixth Wizard]

HEY! I'M fourteen years old! :mad: :D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Don't you just love the Downer? Always at the forefront of the latest breaking news. A bastion of high quality, up-to-the-minute journalism.

After all, it's only about 6 months late in reporting my retirement as a mod.

If nothing else, Mr Pan, it's the first piece of semi true news the paper has ever had. So... be happy! :p

[THE Ka]

What I'd like to know is why there is a kettle in a coat of arms, for a man of saucepans...

Call me the offspring of a politically correct cook, but what type of kettle is it? Just curious... :)


~ kettle pick a pot Ka

[Hookbill the Goomba]

What I'd like to know is why there is a kettle in a coat of arms, for a man of saucepans...

Call me the offspring of a politically correct cook, but what type of kettle is it? Just curious... :)


~ kettle pick a pot Ka

In The Faraway Tree books, from which the Saucepan Man comes, the character wears not only Saucepans but kettles also. Also, I was getting annoyed cutting out pictures of saucepans and felt I needed a change. ;)
As for what kind of kettle... Erm... It's a mettle one.

[THE Ka]

In The Faraway Tree books, from which the Saucepan Man comes, the character wears not only Saucepans but kettles also. Also, I was getting annoyed cutting out pictures of saucepans and felt I needed a change. ;)
As for what kind of kettle... Erm... It's a mettle one.

Ah! :)

I become easily annoyed when asked to draw the tops of trees, or hills with rocks. I mean, what's the point if you can't give them a reason to invoke thought such as faces, or taking the shape of something else? Eugh to minimalism for everything, eventually you can't catch the basic in a snare, face it, it's always here or there and now or then. Sorry for my rant...

A mettle one? Hopefully not mettle-ing in too many risky affairs.

Anyways, again Hookbill, you've proven that the worlds of journalism and design are not forever lost in a muddle, or puddle, or kettle... :p

~ Now you know, Ka

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Yet another Newspaper! This week with free cake.

http://i9.tinypic.com/688cfty.jpg

The Phantom has a bit of a problem... again.

http://i10.tinypic.com/4zxs7jp.jpg

[The Might]

Well, I was hoping that nobody would find out about that, but it seems that the journalists from the Downer are too good...
:mad:

[Lalwendë]

'ere!

Why's the Downer on Issue 48 but P&A are only on Number 43? Have I missed summat? Or am I having a senior moment?

Glad to see DCI Lalwende grows ever more tetchy... :D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Why's the Downer on Issue 48 but P&A are only on Number 43? Have I missed summat? Or am I having a senior moment?

Phantom and Alien didn't start untill week 3 or 4. So, they are a bit behind. :smokin:

[Lalwendë]

Phantom and Alien didn't start untill week 3 or 4. So, they are a bit behind. :smokin:

I'd like to see Phantom and Alien - The Lost Decade*




*
or, month, anyway ;)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

You mean, The Phantom's life before he met Alien? I expect it was all parties and drinking and getting lots of gold. But now, he spends all his free time fixing his house, buying new pets and apologising to his neighbours for their lack of not burned down house.

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

hmmm, but where does The Phantom keep all his gold now ?

[the guy who be short]

hmmm, but where does The Phantom keep all his gold now ?Inside Alien?

[the phantom]

Oh, it's invested in various businesses and institutions.

The Downer, for instance.
Inside Alien?
Yes, he swallowed a bag of knuts, sickles, and galleons last week. For the past few days I've been trying to convince him to tie a rope around his middle and allow me to hoist him up above a herd of blindfolded children with baseball bats.

I just love piñatas.

[THE Ka]

Inside Alien?

Dunno why, but that reminds me of the classic 90's film, The Fifth Element and the alien opera singer with treasure pieces inside them... :p

Might Alien take up singing? :p

~ Remembr when... Ka

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Dunno why, but that reminds me of the classic 90's film, The Fifth Element and the alien opera singer with treasure pieces inside them... :p

Might Alien take up singing? :p

~ Remembr when... Ka

Alien did have a very short lived music career. Rember this episode (http://i17.tinypic.com/2rhl4px)?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Because it's fun! :D

Special thanks to morm for his story this week...

http://i9.tinypic.com/4oz9nvl.jpg

This week, The Phantom has a little surprise...

http://i9.tinypic.com/4ptyscp.jpg

[Lalwendë]

Splendid! That made me laugh out loud and now everyone is wondering what's so funny that I are looking at. :D

[mormegil]

Wow! Published again. Thanks Hookbill :D

[Kath]

Kath will be back to normal within 6 to 10 'weeks'.
'Weeks'? :D

Cheers for that morm! :p

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Yet more letters to the editor...

Dear sir,

I wish to point out that your recent story about "Local Man Disappointed by morning post" is a disgraceful invasion of privacy. My morning post it my own to be disappointed with or not.
Yours etc, etc,

Sir Pos Tman.

__

Dear Mr Tman,

You smell bad.

Yours,
The Editor.

__

Dear Sir,

Is it true that The Downer Newspaper has been bought out by an evil genius with grand plans of dishonouring The Barrow Wight though slanderous stories and ridiculous pictures?

Yours,
The Barrow... Gwite.

__

Dear Mr Gwite

Everything you said is a lie. Please, go and eat a bag of salt.

Yours,
The Editor

__

Dear sir,

Is your comic strip 'The Phantom and Alien' really based on the life events of Sir Harold Boswinworth, the 2 world war veteran? Because there are an awful lot of similarities in the recent episodes.

Yours
Sir Jeff Boswinworth

__

Dear Mr Boswinworth

The Phantom and Alien is based on a true story.

Yours,
The Editor.

[Lalwendë]

Sir,

How dare you presume that we want to read True Stories of Phantom and Alien in our daily newspapers? The world is full of enough bad things, why, we are all going to Hull in a handcart, this country's going to the dogs, where will it all end, blah blah blah. You are going to give me a coronary, why, I'm already turning as purple as a golfing jersey with all this Truth. I shall be reading the Daily Mail in future,

Yours

Smythe-Smythe (Colonel)
4 Pompous Towers
Tunbridge Wells

...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Dear Smythe-Smythe (Colonel),

I don't like such letters. You will be pleased to know that it has been incinerated and your views have been passed on to the tramp outside our offices.

Yours,
The Editor.

[THE Ka]

Alien did have a very short lived music career. Rember this episode (http://i17.tinypic.com/2rhl4px)?

Ah! I forgot, the silliness of me. :p


Drunk with power and gin

I dunno why, but that phrase has struck me. Were they abandoned by kif and kin, because they did succumb to shoes?
At least they'll most likely never grow too big for their hats. The Downs could start on the head wear market, y'know...

~ Ponder a Ka

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And this week there is a special story that will both shock and annoy everyone...

http://i8.tinypic.com/4rcv68h.jpg

The Phantom and Alien continue their adventures, though...

http://i8.tinypic.com/4puekd5.jpg

As a special for the 50th week, here are the horoscopes for The Barrow Downs (definitely not made up rubbish) ... (honest):

Tortoise:
Moving slowly? You will get lots of good luck if you buy one of the Downer Newspaper sponsored magic scooters. Seriously, if you do, your day will be better.

Cancer:
If you find yourself faced with a difficult choice, always go with the more expensive brand of high quality Downer brand Cheese. It will make your day much better.

Leprosy:
If an arm or a leg falls off today, don't worry, now you can buy all those expensive things you wanted.

Pikes:
You're sharp wit and pointy head will come in useful today as you have to head but your way out of a crowd of Scorpions. Make sure you knock their heads off.

Papertearious:
Write down what you think will be your greatest achievement and then leave it in a small box outside your door. By morning it will be gone and you will be left very happy...

Scorpion:
Make sure to get close to someone who is a Pike. Bring all your friends that you know to be Scorpions and have a party for your Pike friend. I assure you, nothing will go wrong if you keep your head.

Skindisease:
Go around to a Papertearious' house tonight and you will find a box with their hopes and dreams in it. Use this to blackmail and ridicule them.

Aquarium:
You are fat and wear a stupid hat and should be ashamed of yourself. Go and jump off a bridge.

Diamondineye:
Stay away from bridges. If you have to go near a bridge, wear a hard hat.

[the guy who be short]

Lots of wise advice... but what's my star-sign?

[littlemanpoet]

Is it just me, or is there a subliminal man lying on that hill, head to the left, feet to the right, occupied in a rather Freudian way? :Merisu:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Lots of wise advice... but what's my star-sign?

It's anything you want it to be. :p

Is it just me, or is there a subliminal man lying on that hill, head to the left, feet to the right, occupied in a rather Freudian way?

No, it's just you.
The Downer prides itself on not printing anything that is
a) uninteresting,
b) untrue or
c) worthy of this icon:
" :Merisu: "

[Volo]

Well, I guess Aquarium is closest to Aquarius. Hmm... My horoscope tells me that- I'm mad?

[Morai]

It's me too. :eek:

[Diamond18]

Diamondi:
Stay away from bridges. If you have to go near a bridge, wear a hard hat.

Thank you! This advice is most useful... if unsettling.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Thank you! This advice is most useful... if unsettling.

Diamondi is supposed to be a parody of Gemini. Come to think of it, Diamondineye would be more appropriate and funny... I think I'll change it to that.

[narfforc]

But I do rule the world, my mummy says I can, and the Government took lots of taxes off me in council tax for having such a large cave to rule from, so there Mr Goombay Dance Band.

[Hilde Bracegirdle]

Papertearious:
Write down what you think will be your greatest achievement and then leave it in a small box outside your door. By morning it will be gone and you will be left very happy...

Ah, some good advice there! :D

[Rikae]

Is it just me, or is there a subliminal man lying on that hill, head to the left, feet to the right, occupied in a rather Freudian way? :Merisu:No, it's not just you. That was my first thought as well...

(unless you mean the man on the hill is you...)

Pikes:
You're sharp wit and pointy head will come in useful today as you have to head but your way out of a crowd of Scorpions. Make sure you knock their heads off.
This is surprisingly accurate...:D

[THE Ka]

Scorpion:
Make sure to get close to someone who is a Pike. Bring all your friends that you know to be Scorpions and have a party for your Pike friend. I assure you, nothing will go wrong if you keep your head.

Awh, sorry, I can't seem to make any friends with such kif and kin. 'Tis sad, I know, but I prefer befriending those who are quite different than I, it teaches you the joy of people being unique.

Plus, you don't have to worry about Pike ambushes so much, quite dreadful and calculative, y'know. That is why Scorpions only meet under the 11th moon of every second leap year when Pike is in the jail house under the sign of... :p

~ Astrolo-Ka

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Special thanks to the phantom for the mini headlines this week...

http://i9.tinypic.com/6apn7rm.jpg

The continuing adventures of The Phantom and Alien. The concluding part to this saga next week...

http://i11.tinypic.com/63br7nm.jpg

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Rdagast will never get Red. . .it is mine!

I wonder what will happen if Alien was to chop off The Phantom's head.

[Morai]

I wonder what will happen if Alien was to chop off The Phantom's head.

He has a head under that cloak!? :eek: I thought he just had a pair of color-changing eyes..... ;)

[Bêthberry]

Poultry Industry to Hold Meetings Upon Amon Hen

Oh dear! Does this mean a hen party? :D

[Mithalwen]

Ooh I finally made it into the Downer ..... albeit as an alleged terrorist.... :rolleyes:

[the phantom]

No, no, Mith, m'dear, I wrote you into one of my mini headlines in this (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showpost.php?p=499796&postcount=157) edition of The Downer.

[THE Ka]

Eating penguins?

Boff... Despite costs, I find it hard to tackle down a Icadyptes salasi (http://dsc.discovery.com/news/2007/06/25/giantpenguin_ani.html?category=animals&guid=20070625120000) without lossing a few limbs.
Besides, any cake left at the end is given to the large pre-historic species, to prevent attacks upon other small modern fellows, like this diagram illustrates:

Our beloved modern penguins face the appetite of Icadyptes salasi without Barrow cake... (http://dsc.discovery.com/news/2007/06/25/giantpenguin_ani_zoom0.html?category=animals&guid=20070625120000)

Without cake, it would be a sad day for our beloved barrow penguins.

~ Ka

[Mithalwen]

No, no, Mith, m'dear, I wrote you into one of my mini headlines in this (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showpost.php?p=499796&postcount=157) edition of The Downer.


So you did ..can't believe I missed it - especially since it was in that high profile "Page 910 " slot..... :p

[Morai]

Have you seen this green box?

By Maurice the Magnificent (and not so trustworthy...):Merisu:

A recent announcement by the Barrow Wight himself has sent Middle Earth into mayhem from its calmer mirth, according to the Anonymous Source. Apparently, (and hopefully) for the moment, the green boxes have been discontinued. Some...er one person wonders whether or not the great Wight just misplaced them. Anonymous, as his friends (er...friend) refer to him, says that many Barrow Downers are experiencing near deadly withdrawal symptoms. The only reason that no one has died due to the sudden disapearance, is...well--most, if not all Downers are already dead.

To help smooth the transition to the upcoming Reputation system, the Wight has put up a current list of reputations. Anonymous, among others (or so he claims) complain of not see their names on the list. His opponents claim that Anonymous is just a figment of his own imagination.

[littlemanpoet]

Have you seen this green box?
Hee hee! :D I think I'll rep this one. Funny.

Oh. Er, I can't. Sorry. :p

[Morai]

Haha, Lmp (is that pronounced 'limp?' ;) it's all in your head. Unless of course, I'm the one halucinating. :eek:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

That's right people, this week, The Downer Newspaper celebrates one year of providing The Barrow Downs with Truth, justice and News!
If you have enjoyed this year of News, do share with us all you're favorite Downer moments. Vote for your favorite week. Eat a sandwich. Have a party.

For this week, we have a very solemn front page story

http://i10.tinypic.com/4r2an2r.jpg

And, we cannot forget, The Phantom and Alien. Finishing off this four part serial once and for all...

http://i9.tinypic.com/6finjo9.jpg

The first person to ask "Wouldn't that make millions of Aliens?" or "Why doesnt he do that again to Alien?" gets a smack in the mouth.

On Thursday there will be some special stuff to celebrate the day of the Downer!

[littlemanpoet]

Outch! I asked it in my head. You meany.

[Finduilas]

[QUOTE=Hookbill the Goomba;526769]

The first person to ask "Wouldn't that make millions of Aliens?" or "Why doesnt he do that again to Alien?" gets a smack in the mouth.

QUOTE]

So is LMP is the one who gets it?

Why doesn't he do that again to Alien?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The film industry is always eager to jump on the possibility of making a quid or two from other people's suffering and dispossession. And here on The Barrow Downs it is no different. In anticipation of the official first anniversary of The Downer Newspaper, here is a film that you will be seeing in your local sleezy cinema some time soon...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/ReputationLost.jpg

The Film itself is completely useless. There is virtually no story line and it would seem that it was thrown together in about twelve minutes. Which is impressive as the film is more than two hours long. All that happens is that the main characters just stand around complaining about the weather and alluding to the loss of their reputation points.

[Bêthberry]

The film industry is always eager to jump on the possibility of making a quid or two from other people's suffering and dispossession. And here on The Barrow Downs it is no different. In anticipation of the official first anniversary of The Downer Newspaper, here is a film that you will be seeing in your local sleezy cinema some time soon...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/ReputationLost.jpg

The Film itself is completely useless. There is virtually no story line and it would seem that it was thrown together in about twelve minutes. Which is impressive as the film is more than two hours long. All that happens is that the main characters just stand around complaining about the weather and alluding to the loss of their reputation points.


Despite a poor showing in the cinemas, I rather think it will be optioned by the televison industry, Hookbill. I can imagine a Barrow Downs Reputation Lost series, filmed on some idyll island off the east coast of Scotland, in which members try to interpret the esoteric meaning of their reputation number, discover hidden hatches in the barrow, face strange bears who they think are wolves--madly refuting any references to Pullman's bears--and constantly put down other Barrow Downers, who are known as "The Others." They all think they landed on the island when the Great Eagle who was carrying them crashed but they have no idea how it happened. The plot evolves with their backstories, showing how, very strangely, they are all related to each other through some nefarious writer's engimatic efforts.

:D

PS. I invite all and sundry to a roast of the Downer on The Slapsauce Fellows thread. *smootchies*

[Lalwendë]

Who's Steve?

I can imagine a Barrow Downs Reputation Lost series, filmed on some idyll island off the east coast of Scotland, in which members try to interpret the esoteric meaning of their reputation number, discover hidden hatches in the barrow..

Sounds like that KLF Rites Of Mu slice of weirdness ;)

[Fordim Hedgethistle]

They all think they landed on the island when the Great Eagle who was carrying them crashed but they have no idea how it happened. The plot evolves with their backstories, showing how, very strangely, they are all related to each other through some nefarious writer's engimatic efforts.

But will they have lunch, supper or dinner?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Sorry to double post, I really hate doing that. But I promised a special something to commemorate the official day of the Downer.
Yes, that's right, one year ago today, we started with a sensational story about an Evil Genius taking over the world. Now we have assassinated editors, terrorist plots and Penguin armies.
So, many of you may be wondering what else goes into the Downer. Well I'm not going to tell you, but what I will do is show you the back page of this week's paper...

http://i12.tinypic.com/4mspw0l.jpg

[Hookbill the Goomba]

This week, The Downer makes a pointless attempt to enter the future…

http://i9.tinypic.com/66o2nti.jpg

But The Phantom and Alien are not impressed and so stayed as they were

http://i9.tinypic.com/5x97blv.jpg

An interesting thing I'll point out for this week's P&A. In the last frame, Alien was originally holding a saw covered in blood. I removed it because I thought it was too sick.

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

I miss DOS !

[THE Ka]

I removed it because I thought it was too sick.

Before I read what Alien actually said, I thought at first that Phantom was actually going to do him in.
Horrible isn't it? Good thing we all take some forethought...:rolleyes:

~ Ka

[Diamond18]

The Film itself is completely useless. There is virtually no story line and it would seem that it was thrown together in about twelve minutes. Which is impressive as the film is more than two hours long. All that happens is that the main characters just stand around complaining about the weather and alluding to the loss of their reputation points.

I'm sure the music is amazing, though.

[Bêthberry]

This week, The Downer makes a pointless attempt to enter the future…



How absolutely absurd. I must protest! It is utterly impossible for The Downer to enter the future without a Time Lord.

There is a key figure who is imperative here, I say. And I do believe I have just made a bilinqual pun.

Thank you. That is all.

[the guy who be short]

I quite like the new format - is it permanent?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I quite like the new format - is it permanent?

No its not. Just a novelty, like the olden times one.

By the way, folks. We're coming up to the Phantom and Alien's 50th episode soon. If anyone wants to submit their own ideas for a special full page comic I will be very happy to consider any ideas. Are there any Downers you'd like to see make an appearance? Any situations you'd like to see our heroes get into? Do you want a Dragon? Do you, heaven forbid, want jokes?
:D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Back to abnormal this week...

http://i7.tinypic.com/52migdy.jpg

Aline has yet another run in with the law...

http://i12.tinypic.com/6381s2g.jpg

[Lalwendë]

That narrow-eyed, shifty look, it's familiar...

...usually provoked when a certain guy has to disturb the moths in his wallet...

:D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Look at this:

http://i18.tinypic.com/4y4tjxd.jpg

Isn't that great? :D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

It be that time again, people!

http://i9.tinypic.com/54jh4lu.jpg

And it is fitting that the Phantom and Alien have their 50th edition a week after their first anniversary!

http://i9.tinypic.com/62j2ii0.jpg

[the guy who be short]

:D :D :D

We finally know the truth about their relationship!

I'm thrilled to be included in this week's comic. Alas, it is true, I'm not a real psychiatrist. Thankfully, we Downers have Kath, who will be fully qualified to weed out the nutty amongst us in a couple of years.

Run for your lives.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The truth behind their relationship? I was hoping the only 'truth' you'd get would be a sort of background to episode 1. :D

I almost forgot to mention, that is supposed to be Formy in the comic as well. :rolleyes: I originally drew him as the Pope, but wasn't sure if he's appreciate it. Let's hope he doesnt feed me to a bin for this outrage.

[The Only Real Estel]

Alas, it is true, I'm not a real psychiatrist. Thankfully, we Downers have Kath, who will be fully qualified to weed out the nutty amongst us in a couple of years.

So you're saying in a couple of years the Downs will be empty? :eek: :p

[Lalwendë]

I think The Downer is taking a worrying turn towards the Daily Mail with all this business about wheelie bins...though of course this does give Mr Editor the chance for some amusingly paranoid headlines... ;)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

though of course this does give Mr Editor the chance for some amusingly paranoid headlines... ;)

"Evil genius takes over world (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showpost.php?p=478933&postcount=1)" not paranoid enough for you? :p

[Lalwendë]

"Evil genius takes over world (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showpost.php?p=478933&postcount=1)" not paranoid enough for you? :p

He needs to be an evil genius claiming £5,000 a week in benefits to be really Daily Mail though. :D Or maybe "Evil genius takes over world. And drops his litter on the street!"

[The Might]

Interesting to finally find out how it all started...
Though one thing got me confused...was it an uncle or an aunt...?

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

Interesting to finally find out how it all started...
Though one thing got me confused...was it an uncle or an aunt...?

It was aunt. Aunt Bob. I think it's said clearly...

[The Might]

Yes, but the priest says that HE was a good MAN...
Which kind of makes me wonder what genders phantoms have...

And another thing...how does Alien know Phantom's name?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The Might, you're taking this all too seriously. Besides which, how do you know the phantom's name? :p

[The Might]

Well, that's because, unlike others, I are serious!

And about the name...think I made a good guess.

Btw, I really liked the title about the file of Galadriel :D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Btw, I really liked the title about the file of Galadriel :D

That one is a Headline written by the phantom himself, no less. :smokin:
Sorry, I keep forgetting to credit him.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

They say that the best lies have an element of truth. But The Downer wouldn't know anything about that...
Thanks to Diamond for the second story.

http://i16.tinypic.com/61ug394.jpg

I think it's about time we had a Dragon in The Phantom and Alien, don't you?

http://i9.tinypic.com/662cdbl.jpg

[The Elf-warrior]

By Michel Delving
A bin full of guns was captured by the dauntless heroes of the Barrow-Downs Police Force yesterday. While Eomer of the Rohirrim was filming an inane video for his Facebook page, he noticed a bin creeping in the bushes. He crept over to take a closer look and guess what he saw? It was a bin full of guns leaving a trail of blood behind it. As a trained police professional, he ran home crying for his mommy, who called the Police for reinforcements. The only person available was a drug Sting officer. He lured the terrifying Bin to a trap by singing a famous stalker anthem. The Sting officer hauled the bin to jail, where he awaits trial. "This is a great step forward in the war against terrifying bins, now that we know that bins really are the menace they've been claimed to be, now get out of my face you $@$#$ pests!" DCI Lalwende commented. The bin's family was not available for comment.

[the phantom]

YOUNG TURIN SLAYS GARDEN SLUG

Hurin’s heir, Turin, is off to a magnificent start on his road to manhood according to friends and family. “The boy’s only three years old, and he already has a great killer instinct,” boasted Morwen, Turin’s mother. “The way he handled that slug- I really think it’s a sign of greater things to come.”

Woodcutter Sador agreed. “He didn’t show any fear at all. Most of the kids around here think big slugs are gross and don’t want to get anywhere near them, but Turin is never afraid to stand his ground and look an enemy in the eye.”

King Fingon, who happened to be in the neighborhood for a conference, said that Turin has all the makings of a great general. “Oh, yes, his father told me all about the slug incident. I can’t tell you how impressed I was by the planning that Turin put into the deed. It was sheer genius, what he did with that board.”

According to witnesses of the event, which took place last Saturday, Turin used a small carving knife to cut a trench across a board, and then set the board in the slug’s path. The slug crawled onto the board, and when it reached Turin’s cut, it attempted to stretch across to the other side, exposing its vulnerable belly. And that’s when Turin struck.

“Fantastic strategy!” gushed Hurin. “He got the slug to stretch out over the notch, then he slid his knife down into the notch and slashed up at the slug’s underside. The slug never had a chance.”

“It’s incredible that he already has an understanding of combat strategy,” observed Huor, Turin’s uncle. “Surprising a foe from an unexpected angle and using the landscape to exploit an enemy’s weakness are tactics that can be used throughout life against all sorts of opponents.”

But young Turin is not without critics. Melkor and members of his Angband staff have long held that the House of Hador is "totally weak", and say that Turin’s latest achievement changes nothing. Glaurung, Melkor’s head dragon, was particularly critical during a press conference yesterday. “Frankly, I’m amazed it worked. He was lucky the slug crawled onto the board in the first place, and even luckier that it didn’t just go around the trench. That’s certainly what I would’ve done.”

Melkor seconded Glaurung’s words, calling Turin’s strategy “ridiculous” and "infantile", and insisted that such an approach was useless on a larger scale. “Even if it is a good slug-killing maneuver, what does that matter? It’s not as if he could kill a dragon like that.”

When informed of Melkor's words, young Turin fired back, calling Melkor a "big meanie" and "poo-poo head". When asked about Glaurung, the three-year old boldly declared he would, upon reaching manhood, "stab him in the eyeball". Turin's family applauded the boy's words- all except his Aunt Aerin. "I don't like all this warlike talk," Aerin told reporters this morning. "He's only three! Yet he's already killing things, boasting, getting into verbal fights with dragons, and being called a warrior by his family. With a childhood like this, he can only expect to have a short, violent, and tragic life."

Whose words will prove true? We here at the Downer can't wait to find out.

[Diamond18]

tp, that was hilarious. And disturbing. Get more sleep.

[the phantom]

So does that mean I'm disturbingly hilarious, or hilariously disturbed?

But sleep? Sorry, that's out of the question. Now- lying in bed trying to sleep... that I can do. I've been practicing for a week.

Glad you enjoyed the article though. I've got another one coming soon. It's very disturbing. And, I hope, somewhat entertaining.

[Lalwendë]

By Michel Delving
A bin full of guns was captured by the dauntless heroes of the Barrow-Downs Police Force yesterday. While Eomer of the Rohirrim was filming an inane video for his Facebook page, he noticed a bin creeping in the bushes. He crept over to take a closer look and guess what he saw? It was a bin full of guns leaving a trail of blood behind it. As a trained police professional, he ran home crying for his mommy, who called the Police for reinforcements. The only person available was a drug Sting officer. He lured the terrifying Bin to a trap by singing a famous stalker anthem. The Sting officer hauled the bin to jail, where he awaits trial. "This is a great step forward in the war against terrifying bins, now that we know that bins really are the menace they've been claimed to be, now get out of my face you $@$#$ pests!" DCI Lalwende commented. The bin's family was not available for comment.

You got me freaked out for a mo there - "Bin Laden with Guns..." I thought a certain elusive terrorist mastermind had been behind the 'forbidden' episode the other day for a minute! :eek: