The Barrow Downs Newspaper

[Bêthberry]

Find a post he's done on this thread? :confused: Or go around to his house and steal his gold, then post it back to him...

I would have thought that Formendacil would not lay up his gold where thieves may break through and steal--even such a thief as Bilbo, bearing riddles--so his spiders will be undisturbed whilst he is out of town.

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

I just now noticed this, Alien has white teeth... More like knives than teeth though...

[Morai]

What a conundrum! How would one go about repping Mr. Formendacil for his contribution?

Well, if you want to add to his reputation, the Downer is probably the last place you want to go :Merisu:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Special thanks to TheGreatElvenWarrior for a couple of the mini headlines. Extra special thanks and gold to Formy for his lovely story.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Week104.jpg

This week, Alien has some advice for Phantom...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/PandA098.jpg

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Keeping BWH's favourite tea secret is a very good thing to do, you never know what them hobbits could do with such information!;)

Anyway, I love the mini-headlines this week! I wonder who could ever be so brilliant to write them...:p But I think that Hookbill wrote about actual information in the second article. I do think that he is controlling my mind, wait I don't think I know... Just take a look at all of the evidence! And no, I have not been doing deals with Davem or Alien!

And, no. I don't think that my dreams were cheese induced. I think that it was from spending my whole day on the Barrow-Downs and then watching Doctor Who right before bedtime...

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Oh, and by the way... where is the Siltmud Mtns?

[Morthoron]

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Dear Mortals:

I believe that your ignominious article 'Gnomes Demand To Be Counted Among The Noldor' should be gnominated as the worst piece of propaganda ever gnown. I am sure this type of accusation is gnothing gnu to you, but I have a gnawing suspicion (based on the article's gnauseously gnuanced gnomenclature) that this report was spread by the Order of Gnomonically Respectable Elves (OGRE), a gnomadic group of Gnomes under the gnominal leadership of the Gnoldor...errr, excuse me, Noldor. Under the gnom de plume OGRE, this fallacious faction of gnonconformist Gnomes has long sought linkage with the Noldor (and received agnonymous subsidization from them).

We at the Affiliated Brethren Counter-Demanding an Elf-Free Gnomic Homeland (ABCDEFGH) want nothing to do with the gnaughty, haughty Noldor; however, please don't confuse us with the Hallowed Gnomes Fighting Elvish Domination: Currently, Before and After (HGFEDCBA), as they are merely a splinter group with gnumerous policy flaws and a horrid acronym. The ABCDEFGH remains commited to fighting Noldorin domination with gnathic tenacity, gnashing clenched teeth against the oppression and kin-strife gnarling elvish history in a gnumber of gnasty gnots.

Gnotably yours,
Gnonesuch the Gnome
Gnotary of the ABCDEFGH

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

I would rather like one of those multicoloured coats! I think that I'll go buy one with Hookbill's life savings!

How do I get my hands on a copy of the 'Annoyingly Thick' magazine? I would like to read the stories in there!

[Laurinquë]

Ha! undoubtbly cheese induced! Hear that GEW? I love that.

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Ha! undoubtbly cheese induced! Hear that GEW? I love that.
I haven't eaten cheese since... the last time I had those dreams!:eek: Maybe it was cheese induced... I ate cheese today, in my beans... Will I have strange dreams when I finally go to bed?

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

No cheese induced dreams last night!:D I am so happy!...well maybe not...

[Volo]

Black mail to the Editor

Beloved Friends (of Money and not me):

I can't help but notice that the article "Nothing is too big to be put on the Downs" says Hookbill is quite incorrect. While Sir Hookbill make have said so during his free time - in which case it is an offence to bring matters of the time free into public discussion - the Black Mail Historians, of which I am a proud representative, claim that there is actually no mention of a "Sir Hookbill" saying "Nothing is too big to be put on the Downs" or anything resembling "Nothing is too big to be put on the Downs" in any of Miss Black Jack Black in Black Mail Jack Mail's mother's personal diaries. It of course means that the Downer is under no authority to claim otherwise.

If you have any intentions of preserving your public image (which, if I were you, I'd renovate in any case), send the sum of two hundred (200) black rings to the address of the sender - he shall be needing them. If not, why don't fault me, I warned you!

Midregards,
Olov the Scaled
Janitor of the Black Mail Historians
Black Hail Alley 1O 10U 100C 1000H
Failblackmailtown, Neil

[Morai]

Hookbill a manipulator? Never! He is the most wonderful wight living, and would never do such a thing! In fact, I think he's on his way to becoming the first journalistic saint. Mm...I like cheese........:smokin:

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Hookbill a manipulator? Never! He is the most wonderful wight living, and would never do such a thing! In fact, I think he's on his way to becoming the first journalistic saint. Mm...I like cheese........:smokin:Wait, he's the most wonderful wight living? And here I was thinking that Barrow-Wights were all dead...;)
But I agree with you, Hookbill is the most wonderful wight! And I did not write the article. I'm pretty sure Hookbill did...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

LETTER TO THE EDITOR
From
Gnonesuch the Gnome
Gnotary of the ABCDEFGH

Dear Gnonesuch,

I don't much like your tone of voice. Therefore, I'm sending you a life-time supply of sulfuric acid through your water pipes.

Take a bath!
- Jim the Public relations officer.

Black mail to the Editor
from
Olov the Scaled
Janitor of the Black Mail Historians

Dear sir,

The Downer refuses to engage in legitimate business proposals. Our accountant has all the illegal and highly morally questionable money to deal with. We are therefore forwarding your letter on to the Editor in Chief of The Barrow tabloid newspaper.
Hoping you have success,

- Harrold the new Public relations officer.

Wait, he's the most wonderful wight living? And here I was thinking that Barrow-Wights were all dead...
Nut I agree with you, Hookbill is the most wonderful wight! And I did not write the article. I'm pretty sure Hookbill did...

Actually, if you take a care to READ what was written, it becomes clear that that excellent article was written by Mr Formendacil. Great scotsman's ghost, don't people read anymore? Do I have to use the Hitler poster again? :p

[Eönwë]

The Downer refuses to engage in legitimate business proposals. Our accountant has all the illegal and highly morally questionable money to deal with. We are therefore forwarding your letter on to the Editor in Chief of The Barrow tabloid newspaper.
Hoping you have success,

- Harrold the new Public relations officer.

You don't think they might right about it, do you? That would just be preposterous! Showing an eemy newspaper in a bad light like that!

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Actually, if you take a care to READ what was written, it becomes clear that that excellent article was written by Mr Formendacil. Great scotsman's ghost, don't people read anymore? Do I have to use the Hitler poster again? :pYes I read it, I wasn't sure which article was his though.... Of course I'm not the brightest of people, so I could've missed it.

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Well, if you want to add to his reputation, the Downer is probably the last place you want to go :Merisu: (Morai)
What do you think of Morai's post?
( ) I approve
( x ) I disapprove
Your comments on this post:
Reputation ain't always a good thing. ;) :p For example, Four Men To Kill (aka Four Men Do Gah!) has a reputation for being a person with intense dislike for sprouts*.

__________________
*May be false. In fact, I think it is.

[Formendacil]

Oh, and by the way... where is the Siltmud Mtns?

North of Gobbledegookia, on the I-47.887, about five leagues or so out of Tel-e-vishon, across from the Happy Flowers Asylum for Small Puppies. Can't miss it.

Great scotsman's ghost, don't people read anymore? Do I have to use the Hitler poster again?{/quote]

Well, literacy has taken quite a hit since the publication of the Downer commenced. Why be literate, if this is as good as it gets? :p

[quote=Bêthberry]I would have thought that Formendacil would not lay up his gold where thieves may break through and steal--even such a thief as Bilbo, bearing riddles--so his spiders will be undisturbed whilst he is out of town.

That assumes, of course, that I have gold... and what with being a student and all, that is an unfounded assumption, I would say--about it solidly built as a mountain made of mud and silt. If I have any gold, it would take a keen burglar with the nose to smell it and the brutality to trash the place to even find it.

Besides, those cobwebs are getting a little thick... they could use a disturbing.

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

North of Gobbledegookia, on the I-47.887, about five leagues or so out of Tel-e-vishon, across from the Happy Flowers Asylum for Small Puppies. Can't miss it.Thank 'ee, I must go there sometime now that I know where to go...


Great scotsman's ghost, don't people read anymore? Do I have to use the Hitler poster again?
Well, literacy has taken quite a hit since the publication of the Downer commenced. Why be literate, if this is as good as it gets? :p The Downer, best thing since mouldy lunches.

[Eönwë]

Well, literacy has taken quite a hit since the publication of the Downer commenced. Why be literate, if this is as good as it gets? :p

The Downer: Better than a punch in the stomach-
Eönwë Magazine. Rating for the Downer-1/2*

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

The Downer: Better than a punch in the stomach-
Eönwë Magazine. Rating for the Downer-1/2*
Review:
"Definitely put together in less than an hour. Much better than any other paper that I have read since the Barrow. I have been reading the Downer since about week 57 and I have been very happy with it except for the bad articles (week -20 through 198) The Downer is a fine newspaper printed on the bark of ents no doubt, so I have reason to believe that this newspaper has reached the qualities that we look for in a newspaper. It has hit 5 out of 100 things that every newspaper needs and therefore it is there amongst the greatest of newspapers. Much better than the Frowner, which was what took the Downer's place as newspaper of the Downs. I believe that the Downer has held the only paper that I read place for quite some time, and I believe that it will continue to do so until the next newspaper comes out."
-Ima Critique
Wannabe Critique

[Eönwë]

Well, I was just joking TGEW.

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Well, I was just joking TGEW.So was I...:rolleyes:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

You'll get your fill of news if you eat The Downer...

Thanks to TGEW for the mini-headlines....

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Week105.jpg

This week, The Phantom has an idea...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/PandA099.jpg

[Eönwë]

Oh no! Is there any way we can recover the lost fragments of the newspaper. Or will they b e lost forever in the Void

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DOWNER?!?!?!:eek: I couldn't even read most of the story, do something!

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DOWNER?!?!?!:eek: I couldn't even read most of the story, do something!

Dont worry, this was clearly not the true Downer. . . I was not even mentioned, it must be fake one then.

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Dont worry, this was clearly not the true Downer. . . I was not even mentioned, it must be fake one then.I don't think you were mentioned in the last one either, so does that mean it's a fake too?

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

I don't think you were mentioned in the last one either, so does that mean it's a fake too?
yes

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

yes
You might want to petition Hookbill to bring out the "real" Downer then!;)

[Morthoron]

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Dear Editorial Staff:

As a fan of the band 'Tables and Chairs', I must tell you your paper doesn't have a leg to stand on. The only controversies surrounding the band are those you newspaper types make up. Like your review of their first album, 'Tabled Conversations', where all your reviewer said was "the Tables are flat." Or the review for their last album 'Full Tables, Empty Chairs', Where the snarky writer quipped: "I don't know from full tables, but I do agree there will be a lot of empty seats when it comes time for them to tour." What kind of reviews are those anyways?

I find T&C both cerebral and sardonically dark, combining biting wit and political satire in the context of variating moods of mellifluous strains of old-world acoustic folk and orchestrally derived hard-driving rock. In regards to their continued 'go-green' environmental stance, they will be headlining an all-star benefit for the survivors of The Downer's savage mass-culling of woodland animals next Saturday at the Upson Downs Racetrack, Casino and Convenience Store. The Concert will be called BANDDAID (Bands Against Naughty Downers Depopulating Animals In Distress), and will air on public access cable channels in Hobbiton, Old Forest, Michel Delving and Buckland. The event will be sponsored by such environmentally ethical corporations and groups as Old Nag's Glue Factory, Tyson's Industrial Chicken Processing, Great Caesar's Sludge Removal and the National Rifle Association. Looking to see you there!

Regards,
P. R. Savvy
Talent Agent
Megalith Multimedia Marketing LLC
"Where the only bad news is no news!"

[Morai]

Pfft, no worries people. My pet barlog just got a little hungry on our tour of the print press room. :D

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Pfft, no worries people. My pet barlog just got a little hungry on our tour of the print press room. :D
Oh, well then. I guess we'll just have to punish said "pet balrog"...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Extra special thanks and cakes to Formendacil for his excellent story on murdering Hobbits!

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Week106.jpg

So, one hundred Phantom and Alien comics. You must all be sick of them by now...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/PandA100.jpg

Please send your complaints to;

Mr Moreduck, Editor in Cheif
The Barrow Newspaper
57 Old Barrow Way
West Downshire
Barrow Downs
BD27 G46

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Chainsaws and static! My goodness! Worst one ever*! :p

.

*according to the latest pole in the alternating current electromagnet. Or something like that.

[Nerwen]

Oh no, we'll never be sick of Phantom and Alien. You're going to be doing these for the rest of your life...:D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Oh no, we'll never be sick of Phantom and Alien. You're going to be doing these for the rest of your life...:D

Oh Dear... :eek:

There was talk of a P&A sing-song, but, due to one thing and another, it never happened. Maybe at Christmas. Until then...

http://i37.tinypic.com/rbks3m.jpg

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

That P and A made me laugh so much I'm crying, it's a good thing my tea wasn't done yet or else it would've gotten all over the computer...:rolleyes:

Anyway...

Dear Mr Moreduck,
Why are we sending our complaints to you for the Phantom and Alien comic? You don't even work at The Downer! I'm suing you for your fraudulent newspaper and trying to take credit for things that you didn't do. I hope you're happy now!

Thank you for taking time to read my short letter, I expect to see you in court!

~A worried customer....

[Groin Redbeard]

Bravo Mr Hookbill! A thrilling tale of evil geniouses, stolen tin openers, and sick aliens! :D Absolutely brillient!

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Bravo Mr Hookbill! A thrilling tale of evil geniouses, stolen tin openers, and sick aliens! :D Absolutely brillient!I didn't know that Alien could get sick... That's amazing!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I didn't know that Alien could get sick... That's amazing!

He's done it a few times...

Episode 15 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA015.jpg)

Episode 51 (http://i9.tinypic.com/662cdbl.jpg)

and

Episode 86 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/PandA086.jpg)

Oh how I seem to like reusing that punchline... :rolleyes:

[Morthoron]

Leslie 'Sonny' Moreduck, Editor in Chief
The Barrow Newspaper
57 Old Barrow Way
West Downshire
Barrow Downs
BD27 G46

My Dearest Les:

As I haven't seen you since Mother's Day, I thought I would drop a line just to say hello, and thank you again for the lovely "I Survived the 2004 Downer's Picnic" t-shirt you gave me as a present. Dear, I know you said it was a collector's item, and very valuable, but I passed by your news offices the other day (you weren't in), and there was a box full of what seemed to be the same t-shirts lying in the gutter next to the trash cans. Are those made of a different material or something? Ah well, no matter. I always get complimented when I wear it to the Bridge Club. The other mothers say things like, "Thats what your son got you for Mother's Day? My, he is a big spender!" Or "If he got you that as a gift, I can just imagine what your funeral will be like." It's so very nice to have such a thoughtful son.

Father is doing fine now that he's had his bowels shaved. There's no more of that very loud grunting and gasping from the loo in the morning. He sends his love. Well, what he actually said was, "we should have found a midwife with a twig and rooted it out," but you know how he is -- such a comedian. Your brother Bertie sends his best wishes. Just think, only five more years and he'll be out on good behavior. As you know, he would have gotten out earlier had it not been for that unfortunate mishap when his Tourettes suddenly acted up and he insulted the parole board for several minutes (public speaking was never his forte').

Anyway, congratulations on yet another fine edition of 'The Downer'. I don't really understand a word of it, but it seems to be spelled correctly and has very colorful adverts. I should expect you'll be coming around next week as your grandmum has finally gotten her false teeth and won't be drooling gruel on your nice suit like last time.

See you soon dear.

Love, your Mum

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

He's done it a few times...

Episode 15 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA015.jpg)

Episode 51 (http://i9.tinypic.com/662cdbl.jpg)

and

Episode 86 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/PandA086.jpg)

Oh how I seem to like reusing that punchline... :rolleyes:Oh, I thought that Alien could throw up when he wanted to...

[Oddwen]

Bravo sir, bravo! An excellent, wacky, overblown and hilarious centennial. :D

Plus, I believe we've found who has run off with Rune's balloon...can't quite make out who it is...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Let's have a look at some true facts...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Week107.jpg

A new age has begun for The Phantom and Alien! Prepare yourselves for an adventure of epic proportions! Yes, this, volume 2 of their adventures, will see The Phantom and Alien engaging in murder, intrigue, murder, suicide, murder, monsters, catapults, murder again and, of course, John Fillis.

It's a roller coaster ride, who knows where it will end? ... Well... I do... But still!

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode001.jpg

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

:D Ah, once again and after a long time I could read the Downer when it's still "fresh"...

"we're pretty sure it's more than three" :D

And the comic... Hmm... weird. Where's Alien?

But besides that, Phantom's expression on the end is priceless...

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Hmm... Volume 2, week 1... My brother didn't laugh as much as last time... I did though! So it means that it was good!

[Morthoron]

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Dear Sirs:

Having read your latest edition, I must say I am replying now with great consternation and concern. I combed each article, thumbed through the advertisements, and rummaged about in the classifieds...and I couldn't really find anything to complain about! I must say this is a first for me, and I am utterly at a loss as to whether or not I shall henceforth purchase your paper. You, sirs, have eliminated my God-given right to complain; therefore, I am mad as Hades, and I am not going to take it anymore!

Too long have responsible government officials tried to make things easier for me, too long has the road been made smooth where once lay potholes, too often have clerks in sales establishments tried to be pleasant. I want my misery! I want to be angry for no apparent reason, and you've taken that away from me! Without being able to criticize, complain and otherwise harbor irrational bitterness, I'll have nothing left but happiness. This is wrong on so many levels, I feel that this must be some sort of sinister plot promulgated by unknown high-placed insiders to make everyone merry. Tra-la-la, tripping through the daisies, peace and love and puppy dog entrails...BAH!

You have just one week to return to your horrid and distorted editorial pieces, terrible grammar and otherwise substandard reporting, or I shall be forced to cancel my subscription.

Sincerely,
Mr. Peevish Whinge-Carp
Old Grumbley Rd, Nagshead

[Groin Redbeard]

It's an honor of a lifetime to on the cover of the Downer (which goes to show how sad my life really is:D). Though I must ask: how did the Downer know that I collect brains? That's the reason that I'm stalking Legate right now!:p

Of course the government has lied to the people more than three times Hookbill! I'd even say that they've lied as many as ten times!

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

It's an honor of a lifetime to on the cover of the Downer (which goes to show how sad my life really is:D). Though I must ask: how did the Downer know that I collect brains? That's the reason that I'm stalking Legate right now!:pYOU STALK PEOPLE?!?!?:eek:... well, who doesn't?

Anyway, having your face on the cover of the Downer means your life has meaning... My life obviously doesn't have any meaning...

[Eönwë]

My life obviously doesn't have any meaning...

Aha! I foiled your cunning plan. You are just saying that to get you own face on the Downer. What crude, underhand tactics. ;) Joking, joking.

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Aha! I foiled your cunning plan. You are just saying that to get you own face on the Downer. What crude, underhand tactics. ;) Joking, joking. My cunning plan? What? I was just stating the truth! Anyway, if I was trying to get my face on the Downer, then I could just ask Mr. Goomba. But anyway, I don't try to get my way by bragging about my meaningless life.

EDIT: I thought that John Fillis was a dog, not a giant monster. Alien said so himself!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

With just enough time to steal your wallet...

Special thanks and a large oyster to Formendacil for his amusing story about Manwe! :D

http://i36.tinypic.com/1z4l6y9.jpg

The continuing saga continues! Lets check in on Alien, shall we?

http://i37.tinypic.com/2dhsmro.jpg

[Morthoron]

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Dear Editor:

I must duly commend your reporting staff on the timely article "Interlectual Accused of Complete Idiocy!" Very few publications have the gravitas these days to print such theoretic and controversial material. As you may or may not be aware, ongoing research is being conducted into 'bricks-for-brains' syndrome (ie., endocranial thickus brickus) at the American Sociological Society for Eccentric Studies (A.S.S.E.S). Having recently received a sizable endowment from the National Institute for Mental Health (NIMH), more in-depth study into the very nature of bricks-for-brains (both causitive and formative) will be instituted, as well as radical treatments for the mitigation of the brick material, including laser and sound wave techniques (as the old-fashioned methods of removal -- through the sinus cavity or ear canal with forceps or a tablespoon -- have proved ineffective).

Bricks-for-brains syndrome was first positively identified by Dr. Adobe Dutch-Bond in 1603 (although there were incidental mentions of syndrome-like symptoms dating back to the Roman Vitruvius in the 1st century BCE). Dr. Dutch-Bond noted a pattern among the Masons, important and influential civic leaders to a man, for inexplicable "bricke headednesse" that started at "a very yonge age and didst continue unabated for the natural lyfe of yon men". Unable to exploit his theory due to the rudimentary science of the age, Dr. Dutch-Bond merely concluded that these men were "imbeciles of the first order, lacking witte or propriety". Studies have progressed markedly since then, and it has been concluded that, based on measurements of a skull in the Russian Kremlin pruported to be that of Adolf Hitler, the cranium contained a cinder-block 44 cm × 21.5 cm × 10 cm in size, weighing in excess of 25 pounds. This, of course, left little room for concrete thought.

Sincerely,
Dr. Trench Kiln
Director
American Sociological Society for Eccentric Studies

[Eönwë]

Dear most estimable editor

I, of the Pattersons Intellectual Society for Social and Technological Advantage and Kinetic Energy Refusal am highly infuriated by your proposal that we may have bricks in our brains. We jus' cpeek funy. I's no' are folt. I vehemently request that you rremove such an article from the vicinty of your paper that allows individuals to recieve news.

Yours offenenendeddly,
Cleh Verboy

[Morai]

Tolkien crosses space-time rift to claim lordship of Middle Earth!

It's about time. :Merisu:

[Groin Redbeard]

Very nice job on the cover story, Hookbill, I know a couple of people who's whole brain seems to be a brick! ;) I'm beginning to like Volume 2 of Phantom and Alien better than the old ones.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Very nice job on the cover story, Hookbill, I know a couple of people who's whole brain seems to be a brick! ;) I'm beginning to like Volume 2 of Phantom and Alien better than the old ones.

Glad you like the new style P&A. Next week, THE CONSPIROCY begins! :eek:

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

I would like to comment the article "Manwë stumbles". What I could possibly say about it is that it.... shocked me. I didn't expect an article written in such a "serious" manner ever printed in "The Downer". I mean... it's not... crazy. Or, at least not the way the others usually are. Odd.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I would like to comment the article "Manwë stumbles". What I could possibly say about it is that it.... shocked me. I didn't expect an article written in such a "serious" manner ever printed in "The Downer". I mean... it's not... crazy. Or, at least not the way the others usually are. Odd.

The Downs' insanity quota has been down of late. ;)
If you want to rectify this, you can always write an article yourself. I'm always happy to accept submissions (as it means less work for me... *cough*)

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Glad you like the new style P&A. Next week, THE CONSPIROCY begins! :eek:The Conspirocy? Oh no! I don't know if I want my brother to read that!

But Hookbill, You should be very proud! I have converted my seven year old brother to P and A fandom... I think he has started a club...
But now he and I can qoute about five P and As and The Job Hunt!;)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Well, I've been thinking about this and discussing it with my siblings and have come to a decision! Because this new volume of The Phantom and Alien is quite long and complicated, I'm going to start publishing two strips per week.*

So, for you Phalian fans, here is this weeks second episode...

http://i38.tinypic.com/2ajyzgw.jpg
Episode 002 (http://i37.tinypic.com/2dhsmro.jpg)
Episode 001 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode001.jpg)

*Do note that this may change as soon as I start Univercity again. But I do have about 90% of this story planned out and most of Volume 3 in the works as well.

[Bêthberry]

Manwë has a ninety-foot train!!?? It is HO gauge, er, scale for those serious hobbyists, or OO? Playmobil or Lego? Is it possible he is the secret author of the Thomas the Tank Engine series, another of the maia who yearns for creativity but, like Aulë, does so secretly in fear of retribution?

And now I can't decide if Manwë would be Mr. Conductor or The Engineer.

[Eönwë]

Because this new volume of The Phantom and Alien is quite long and complicated, I'm going to start publishing two strips per week.

That makes perfect sense.:rolleyes:
But who cares! More P&A! YAY!:D

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Well, I've been thinking about this and discussing it with my siblings and have come to a decision! Because this new volume of The Phantom and Alien is quite long and complicated, I'm going to start publishing two strips per week.*
YAY!!!!!!! MORE P AND A!!! The rabid fans are more happy now!
But, why did you have to dicuss this with your siblings to make this decision?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

YAY!!!!!!! MORE P AND A!!! The rabid fans are more happy now!
But, why did you have to dicuss this with your siblings to make this decision?

Because they have been trying to get me to do two a week for the last year or so now. I finally gave in. :D

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Because they have been trying to get me to do two a week for the last year or so now. I finally gave in. :DDo they read Phantom and Alien too? But in my opinion, I think that you should've put two out a week for a long time... But that's just an opinion...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Let's have a look at some News. Or, at least, something that pretends to look like news...

http://i33.tinypic.com/2wgx4bn.jpg

I wonder what Alien is up to... Let's find out, shall we?

http://i36.tinypic.com/8zqyzc.jpg
Episode 003 (http://i38.tinypic.com/2ajyzgw.jpg)
Episode 002 (http://i37.tinypic.com/2dhsmro.jpg)
Episode 001 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode001.jpg)

The next episode will be up on Thursday!

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

I can't believe Lal got demoted. Especially working with Alien! I'm going to sue!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I can't believe Lal got demoted. Especially working with Alien! I'm going to sue!

Lal got sacked in the 100th episode (which, sort of, acts as a prologue to Volume two, just as the climax to volume 2 will act as a prologue to Volume 3).
And since when has anything Alien has done been counted as 'working'? :p

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Lal got sacked in the 100th episode (which, sort of, acts as a prologue to Volume two, just as the climax to volume 2 will act as a prologue to Volume 3).Cool! I can't wait to read the next one!
And since when has anything Alien has done been counted as 'working'? :pUmmm... Good point. But apparently Alien does have a job...

[Eönwë]

But apparently Alien does have a job...

Well he did in episode 99 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/PandA099.jpg) as phantom's "joke machine". I don't know about before that.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The adventures of The Phantom And Alien continue in episode 5... With special guest, John Fillis!

http://i33.tinypic.com/5czs55.jpg
Episode 004 (http://i36.tinypic.com/8zqyzc.jpg)
Episode 003 (http://i38.tinypic.com/2ajyzgw.jpg)
Episode 002 (http://i37.tinypic.com/2dhsmro.jpg)
Episode 001 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode001.jpg)

What's going the happen next? Well, you'll just have to wait until Monday. ;)

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

So John Fillis is the answer to the Phantom's problems? Well, my brother will be happy now...:rolleyes:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Well, it's that time again! Dramatic news from Gondor reaches us today!

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Week110.jpg

And now for the continuing adventures of The Phantom and Alien...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode006.jpg
Episode 005 (http://i33.tinypic.com/5czs55.jpg)
Episode 004 (http://i36.tinypic.com/8zqyzc.jpg)
Episode 003 (http://i38.tinypic.com/2ajyzgw.jpg)
Episode 002 (http://i37.tinypic.com/2dhsmro.jpg)
Episode 001 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode001.jpg)

[Morthoron]

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Dear Mr. and/or Mrs. Editor:

I am sorry to hear that Alatar's kettle experiment did not pan out, but it's tough to keep a lid on such things. What a crock! I am glad to hear that Scotland Yard has taken stock of the situation and has a handle on it. I wonder if they are perhaps grilling Alatar even now, putting him on the griddle, so to speak, in regards to his involvement. A few hours in the pressure cooker will lighten up Alatar, who I've heard is one tough cookie...sheet. But he's not teflon-coated -- I am sure the roasting will turn up some accessories-to-the-fact; however, such betrayal is much like the pot calling the kettle black in criminal matters.

Hopefully, The Yard will not allow time for Alatar to loaf about, for this allows the perpetrator's thoughts to simmer, which causes much waffling, and takes a lot longer for the truth to percolate to the top. Personally, I am so steamed about the leftover damage that I don't give a crepe if they treat him harshly! The police, if they want to urn our respect, must be timely in their investigative wok. Oh, I am aware of the daily grind, and even I am not fondue of extra work, but this case must be settled quickly. There is no time for this matter to reach a boiling point. The community is already quite chafed, so no dicing or mincing of the facts -- get to it -- chop, chop!

I am quite interested to hear what will happen next in the case, because, as you are aware, it's always out of the frying pan and into the fire with these things.

Sincerely,
Sir Hamilton Beach-Bundt
Royal Colander Dough-Boys

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

That means no more tea for me... Unless I smuggle my kettle into the Downs!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Dear Sir Hamilton Beach-Bundt

Are you the fellow that has been stalking our janitor?
In answer to your letter, all I can say is that the government is supposedly doing all it can to have all kettles melted down. By next Thursday they plan to move on to other kitchen items. The Saucepan Man has reportedly skipped the country.
As far as we know, alatar escaped from jail and is currently heading to your house with a massive bat and a knife.

Keep Reading The Downer!
- Dave the Janitor

[Morai]

Kettles banned? Good riddance, my tuner said they whistled a bit sharp. :Merisu:

I would also like to compliment Dave the Janitor on his cleaning abilities for cleaning the burning mess of the Downer Office so well that, my newspaper showed no evidence explosion! Great work.

[alatar]

Sir Hamilton Beach-Bundt,

Your 'Letter to the Editor' has me steamed, and note that I'm stewing over and brewing up an appropriate response. All of this brouhaha over banned kettles is overdone, and your whining about the 'little flambé' is obviously half-baked, hard-boiled and over-toasted. :p

Sincerely,
- alatar

[Morthoron]

To: Mr. Al Atar, esq.
From: Sir Hamilton Beach-Bundt VC, BC, KG, OBE, LOL
Date: XII August, MMVIII
Re: Your impertinence

Dear Sir:

In reply to your reply regarding my editorial reply to the article "Kettle Experiment Has Disastrous Results", I can only pan your observations and equate your simmering anger to your time in the stir. It is quite likely you haven't blended well with the prison population, as it is evident that even in such a roiling mixing bowl of pot-heads, burn-outs and small-fry criminals, you are in hot water. Your retorts are strained and your pronouncements parboiled -- mere re-hashed pablum -- and grist for the mill of scalding invective. Although the wheels of justice grind slowly, eventually your goose shall be cooked.

But if having your feet held to the fire is not your cup of tea, if such a roasting causes you to blanche, then atone for your criminality or you shall be toast. Perhaps by pleading guilty in short-order, justice will have mercy on you. After all, a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.

[alatar]

Sir Hamilton Beach-Bundt,

Why you continually grind away at this froth is to me, well, just nuts. Maybe we need to peel away what lies beneath your thin-skin to see why you are making such a feast from such dredging. What be my crime? Without science, and my experimentation, we will never know if the kettle can ever truly call the pot blackened or otherwise.

And though you seem to coddle visions of me battered and beatened while on ice, I must assure you that I've already scrambled far from the pound, whisking away to start cobbling together yet another tincture in a teapot.

In the future, you may want to temper your gristing.

- alatar, on the lamb

[Morthoron]

To: Mr. Al Atar, esq.
From: Sir Hamilton Beach-Bundt VC, BC, KG, OBE, FTW
Date: XIII August, MMVIII
Re: Your continued impertinence

Dear Sir:

My, you are saucy! It is a fine kettle of fish when one is subject to the foaming blather of a greasy convict, make no bones about it! But I am not daunted, and can dish it out as well as take it. Stew in your fermenting juices, if you wish, but have a care not to disembogue the congealed offal of your tepid intellect against one of your butters...I mean betters.

You, sir, are at a fork in the road, and you are running out of tine.

[THE Ka]

That means no more tea for me... Unless I smuggle my kettle into the Downs!

A kettle by any other name could possibly go by... As far as i'm concerned, such laws are only in the name. ;):p

~ devilry advocating Ka

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Well, you'll probably be wanting your next dose of Phantom and Alien rubbish, won't you? No? Tough! Here it is anyway!

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode007.jpg
Episode 006 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode006.jpg)
Episode 005 (http://i33.tinypic.com/5czs55.jpg)
Episode 004 (http://i36.tinypic.com/8zqyzc.jpg)
Episode 003 (http://i38.tinypic.com/2ajyzgw.jpg)
Episode 002 (http://i37.tinypic.com/2dhsmro.jpg)
Episode 001 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode001.jpg)

Who knows what will happen next? Apart from me?

[Groin Redbeard]

Hmm... this new character looks pretty threatening. Does he have a name?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Hmm... this new character looks pretty threatening. Does he have a name?

He's not a new character. He's been in quite a few times.

He first appeared in EPISODE 12 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA012.jpg).

He was in the 100th episode. It's Morsul the Dark! The joke with him is that he has a bizarre vendetta against The Phantom which is NEVER EXPLAINED and probably never will be. I suspect Phantom ate his sandwich once...

But do look out for new characters. Very few of them are insignificant to the plot. Even old Gross the Boss may have his day. ;)

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

I like the way that The Phantom doesn't even notice him!

[Morai]

The joke with him is that he has a bizarre vendetta against The Phantom which is NEVER EXPLAINED and probably never will be. I suspect Phantom ate his sandwich once...

Yeah, I think I'd have a vendetta against The Phantom too, if he took my sandwhich. They're too tasty to just forgive and forget over ;)

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

A kettle by any other name could possibly go by... As far as i'm concerned, such laws are only in the name. ;):p

~ devilry advocating KaOh, so if I call my kettle (or my not-kettle) 'the pot that I heat up water in for my tea' then I can still have it!

[Oddwen]

This just in, happy 100th issue to the Downer! Special Correspondent Oddwen Floddball gets her assigned special correspondence in *cough* on time!

In 2004, Tolkien fans were pleased to hear that a formerly undiscovered culture had been discovered in Indonesia, and that they were being called 'Hobbits'.

So inspired was one fan, that she went digging in her own North American backyard...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJpeKtHu6Q4

Starring Oddwen and Oliphaunts_Rule.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

An Eleventy First Downer! Phew!
To celebrate this most unusual of occurrences, may I present the first ever Downer with the main headline written by someone else? Yes? Good.
When Legate, in a video, commented on the fact that there may be a Downer article about his antics, I didn't want to oblige. However, the phantom did...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Week111.jpg

The continuing story of The Phantom and Alien... continues! This is the first of a two parter...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode008.jpg
Episode 007 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode007.jpg)
Episode 006 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode006.jpg)
Episode 005 (http://i33.tinypic.com/5czs55.jpg)
Episode 004 (http://i36.tinypic.com/8zqyzc.jpg)
Episode 003 (http://i38.tinypic.com/2ajyzgw.jpg)
Episode 002 (http://i37.tinypic.com/2dhsmro.jpg)
Episode 001 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode001.jpg)

[Morthoron]

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

To like teh dude who owns the paper or whatever:

Ummm...I was, like, reading your paper (as if!), and I, like, read where you were saying stuff, like, about having everyone talking foreign and stuff. And I said ummm, like, WHOA! It took me years to like speak like normal, you know? And like, I aint got time to start speaking like some Englishy-type person. Where are they from anyway?

And then my GF (ummm...not like I'm lesbo or something, she's like a good friend, you know?), and you know what she said? She said, like, British stuff is just like American speaking only it sounds funny, and I said, like, whatever, and she said whatever back, and then we watched this dorky Britishy movie about little guys called habits, and all the guys in the movie had like beards and swords and wore dresses or robes or something, and they had this big eye ball, like, shoved on top of a tower (which I guess is, like, how they get cell phone service, or whatever) and my GF (just a friend, K?) said that all the dudes in England wore dresses and stuff, cos her uncle is from Scotsdale or Scotlin or something and thats just like England 'cept they talk even weirder. And I said no way! and she said way! So I guess it's true. But that Leggo-my-eggo guy in the movie was, like, pretty hot, and he wasnt wearing a dress so he's, like, awright.

Anyways, why don't you guys like speak American, cos I have to, like, go shopping and stuff, so I got no time to, like, learn and stuff, KK?

BRB AFK,
Tiffani Blatherskite
LA USA

[Groin Redbeard]

Very entertaining cover story, Hookbill, I couldn't stop laughing at that penguin remark! :D

[Thinlómien]

Hookbill - I loved the mini-heads. :D
tp - the article was hilarious.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Hookbill - I loved the mini-heads. :D
tp - the article was hilarious.

oh, I forgot to say, the phantom wrote the mini heads as well... I just wrote the little bits underneith them and the second story... I was very lazy this week. ;p

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

I want to have a British accent and get rid of this horrid American one! I should've taken Oddwen's class!

[Thinlómien]

oh, I forgot to say, the phantom wrote the mini heads as well... I just wrote the little bits underneith them and the second story... I was very lazy this week. ;pHahaha. But I actually laughed more at the bits underneath them than the mini-heads themselves... :D *runs away before tp comes*

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

An Eleventy First Downer! Phew!
To celebrate this most unusual of occurrences, may I present the first ever Downer with the main headline written by someone else? Yes?
No, not yes... There was one other... remember week 104? The main headline wasn't written by you, Hookbill, but by someone else. By me. I at least remember that!

[Groin Redbeard]

I want to have a British accent and get rid of this horrid American one! I should've taken Oddwen's class!
The British accent in overrated. If anything the Texas twang or the Alabama drawl are the only accents worth having (I get into arguments about this all the time:))

I just noticed that the Downer has me shaving my face away. It's a little late reporting it, I did that LAST week. My face has grown back since then.;)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

No, not yes... There was one other... remember week 104? The main headline wasn't written by you, Hookbill, but by someone else. By me. I at least remember that!

What? You mean this (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Week104.jpg) week 104? The main headline was written by me. The 'inside' headlines and the 'magazine' ad were yours. :p

The British accent in overrated

Which one? English, Scottish, or Welsh? And which dialect? I've always thought Northern Welsh was a particularly good one.
Or are you one of those people who think that 'British' means 'Stereotypical English bloke'? I grieve for the world, some times. ;)

In other News...

For all you Oxonmooters...
Work on the Special paper has begun! It will probably be printed on A3 sized paper and consist of; Front Page, two inside pages and one back page. There may even by a special Phantom and Alien there too.
So, if you're heading to the moot, don't be surprised if I shove one of these in your face and, while you're distracted, steal your shoes.
At the moment I'm planning on bringing about 6, maybe 7. I can't seem to get a definite figure on the number of Wights attending, but I'd rather take too many than not enough.

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

What? You mean this (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Week104.jpg) week 104? The main headline was written by me. The 'inside' headlines and the 'magazine' ad were yours. :pRight... That's what I said wasn't it? Sorry, I must have been a bit confused...:o

[Groin Redbeard]

Which one? English, Scottish, or Welsh? And which dialect? I've always thought Northern Welsh was a particularly good one.
Or are you one of those people who think that 'British' means 'Stereotypical English bloke'? I grieve for the world, some times. ;).
I've never heard Welsh and I think Scottish, and Irish for that matter:smokin:, sounds a lot nicer (probably because it's more rugged) than English.

[Mithalwen]

The British accent in overrated. If anything the Texas twang or the Alabama drawl are the only accents worth having (I get into arguments about this all the time:))



I thought it was a myth that Americans went crazy for British accents until I went there and was a sked "Can you stay here all day and just talk?" though that was Great Bend, Ks where I don't think they get a lot of overseas visitors :cool:

[Aganzir]

So typical of phantom to ask me out and then call the reporters... :rolleyes: That guy is so full of himself. :p

And I always knew that Legate was up to no good!

[Nogrod]

And I always knew that Legate was up to no good!Yeah, the article kind of enlightened me too. So it was that! :D

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

So typical of phantom to ask me out and then call the reporters... :rolleyes: That guy is so full of himself. :p

And I always knew that Legate was up to no good!Wait, he asked you out too?

And finally Legate's evil plan is uncovered... Although I still haven't figured out what that is though...

[Oddwen]

I want to have a British accent and get rid of this horrid American one! I should've taken Oddwen's class!

Oh don't worry, it's still available - for the entirely reasonable price of thirteen easy payments of 599.97, that is. :Merisu:

[the phantom]

Faking an accent is a worthwhile skill. My buds and I have done it before to get better service at stores and restaurants.

And what's wrong with calling the reporters, Agan? You should be flattered that I'm proud to have the story reported. ;)

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Faking an accent is a worthwhile skill. My buds and I have done it before to get better service at stores and restaurants.What sort of accents? Like an English kind of accent, or what?

And I've tried faking an accent before, it doesn't work out very well... Maybe I could take Oddwen's nice lessons!

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Oh don't worry, it's still available - for the entirely reasonable price of thirteen easy payments of 599.97, that is. :Merisu:599.97 what? American dollars? Because if it is, than I could probably pay for it... But if it is that many British pounds, then I don't know... Because they're worth like twice as much...

Can I just put it on Hookbill's Barrow-Card?

[the phantom]

English, Scottish, German, Russian, and Czech.

[Aganzir]

And what's wrong with calling the reporters, Agan? You should be flattered that I'm proud to have the story reported. ;)
Well, nothing, I guess, but it was only our seventh date! Aren't you going a bit too fast?

TGEW, I could teach you to speak in a Finnish accent for free. ;)

[Eönwë]

TGEW, I could teach you to speak in a Finnish accent for free. ;)

Can you teach me to speak Finnish for free, or would that come at an extra price?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Okay, it's Thursday... Apparently. So here's your second dose of Phalian goodness. Warning: may damage your health.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode009.jpg

Episode 008 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode008.jpg)
Episode 007 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode007.jpg)
Episode 006 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode006.jpg)
Episode 005 (http://i33.tinypic.com/5czs55.jpg)
Episode 004 (http://i36.tinypic.com/8zqyzc.jpg)
Episode 003 (http://i38.tinypic.com/2ajyzgw.jpg)
Episode 002 (http://i37.tinypic.com/2dhsmro.jpg)
Episode 001 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode001.jpg)

Have we heard of a fish man before?

[Groin Redbeard]

Hmmm... I wonder which movie Alien saw? ;)

[Morai]

And I've tried faking an accent before, it doesn't work out very well... Maybe I could take Oddwen's nice lessons!

I can only fake accents on accident. Like once, I was ranting about math...and stumbled upon a Scottish accent, only to switch to my flat Western American accent once I realized what was happening. Does it count if it only lasts a paragraph of monolouge or so? :o:D

As for Alien, he should make sure the popcorn has extra butter, melted from a cube in the microwave (extremely messy but delicious.)

[Laurinquë]

I thought it was a myth that Americans went crazy for British accents until I went there and was a sked "Can you stay here all day and just talk?" though that was Great Bend, Ks where I don't think they get a lot of overseas visitors :cool:

British accents are quite lovely, just having any sort of accent besides Western U.S. will up your approval ratings with me 56%! TGEW and I are quite enamored with British accents, and would seriously appreciate lessons on this most correct manner of speech. As a side note, I picked up a dreadful British accent when I went to England in 2007, but I lost it about a week after I got back.

The attempted murder story was brilliant, but I think the next breaking story should feature a gang of eels running amok in Rune's Quality Beef.

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Why don't you write an article, Lauri? If I can, so can you.

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

And I always knew that Legate was up to no good!

Darn. *disappears*

But seriously, well done, phantom. It could have been worse...
:p *disappears once again*

[THE Ka]

I thought it was a myth that Americans went crazy for British accents


Nope, that's only Madonna.

Texas drawl? ****h, the chinook jargon is the way to go! Then again, something tells me we'll have a wawa over this alki.

~ Ka

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

TGEW, I could teach you to speak in a Finnish accent for free. ;)Really? Cool! I'd like that, I'd like to be able to speak Finnish too!:D
*does happy dance*

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Stick your hats on the railway, burn your house down and eat some cabbages! It's Newspaper time again! Oh dear!

Extra special thanks and beans to the phantom for the second story and mini headlines! There are still more of them to come...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Week112.jpg

As the plot thickens, so does the mayonnaise Alien left under your bed...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode010.jpg

Episode 009 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode009.jpg)
Episode 008 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode008.jpg)
Episode 007 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode007.jpg)
Episode 006 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode006.jpg)
Episode 005 (http://i33.tinypic.com/5czs55.jpg)
Episode 004 (http://i36.tinypic.com/8zqyzc.jpg)
Episode 003 (http://i38.tinypic.com/2ajyzgw.jpg)
Episode 002 (http://i37.tinypic.com/2dhsmro.jpg)
Episode 001 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode001.jpg)

On Thursday we'll see an extra special cameo from The Saucepan Man as the continuing story of the Revolting Revelations reaches new heights!

[Morai]

Hm...in the last pannel of of the P & A, it seems as if Morsul is muttering dark curses, causing the wall paper to peal. It's too bad, that wall paper is pretty. :Merisu:

[Bêthberry]

Sounds likely that Nilp was also in on the conspiracy some years back that saw an official Rhinoceros Party aspire to elect a Member not only to the Quebec provincial legature but to the federal Parleyment of Canada. As I recall, however, things didn't get as nasty as they did this time. The only thing that died was the dignity of the Canadain electoral process.

May I suggest one of your intrepid writers do some of your stellar historical research on that for future Downer news stories?--all in the interests of increasing Rhino appreciation on the Downs, of course.

[Groin Redbeard]

I love the headline with Nilp leading the Rhinos to the children. It's very Downerish: very misleading! ;)

I love that little mentioning of Hobbits bombing Bree! I almost died laughing!:D

[Morthoron]

LETTER TO THE EDITOR:

Dear Sires:

I was saddened to read your article, "Huan Chases Own Tail", and the news of the famous pup's death in a tragic pique of self-cannibalization (which gives new meaning to the phrase 'dog chow'). I must say its a dog-eat-dog world, but such celebrity deaths are becoming so commonplace, particularly the way stars are hounded by the paparazzi. They say every dog has its day, but once a pack of reporters are unleashed and catch the scent of a story, they sink their canines in and doggedly follow a celebrity around. Then their life isn't worth a dam. I don't mean to bitch, but these curs from the tabloids have to be curbed -- perhaps paper-trained in the correct ethics of journalism.

I am not trying to ruffle any fur, and I am not putting your fine publication in the doghouse with the mongrel tabloids; but when a pure-bred champion such as Huan is forced to heel like he aint nothin' but a hound dawg (cryin' all the time), and then sadly wolfs himself down because no one would throw him a bone, we have every right to howl. We must show them that our bark is not worse than our bite.

Mr. Muttley Kennel
Airedale, Newfoundland

[Lindale]

Nilp--is that you sa CWTS mo?

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Those children stole my sandwich. My beautiful, wonderful sandwich. They had it coming.

However, I had nothing to do with anything Canadian. Must be Adam's doing, Bb.

Nilp--is that you sa CWTS mo? (Lindale)Yes, it is.

[Lindale]

Evil, evil, evil you are, Nilp, they're kids!! You can always get another sandwich, every other 7-11 store or Mini Stop has a nice array of sandwiches.

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Wow. That P and A reminds me of my old backpack, my mom said it walked out of my room all by itself...

What does this have to do with the newspaper? Absolutely nothing!:p

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Sorry it's slightly late. It was my father's birthday today and no one told me. Needless to say, a lot of hasty preasent buying and "Yeah we definately had this all prepared weeks ago" went on.
Anyway, you may be interested to see today's Phantom and Alien...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode011.jpg
Episodes 1-10 (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showpost.php?p=565695&postcount=1124)

[Groin Redbeard]

The plot thickens!:eek:

[Thinlómien]

Hookbill, you're evil, you made me miss SPM... :( But I can't deny that P&A amuse me. :D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The plot thickens!:eek:

Yep. Lal is quite correct. There is a massive conspiracy. A massive and, ultimately, ridiculously pointless, conspiracy involving... Cheese?

Hookbill, you're evil, you made me miss SPM...

Yeah, it was originally Gil-galad, but then I remembered that he was vaporised by Morsul The Dark in the last episode of Volume 1. :D

On Monday there begins a two-parter involving The Phantom which contains something of vital importance. ;)

[Estelyn Telcontar]

A ... conspiracy involving... Cheese?

Oooh, maybe Thursday Next is behind it! Do any other Jasper Fforde ffans know if 'Jurisfiction' also handles comics and online writing? ;)

[Groin Redbeard]

Yep. Lal is quite correct. There is a massive conspiracy. A massive and, ultimately, ridiculously pointless, conspiracy involving... Cheese?
What kind of cheese? ;)

[Morthoron]

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Dear Editor:

I find I must complain preemptively regarding the upcoming edition of your paper, as I am certain it will contain objectionable material of one sort or another (it always does); ergo, I feel it necessary to sit down while I have the time to list my grievances, because what should happen if, over the weekend, I am unable to protest in a timely manner? After all, I do have my laser hair removal session and the podiatrist's appointment for removal of unsightly toe-nail fungus. Therefore, please take the conjectural complaints listed heretofore in lieu of actual complaints based on as-of-yet unprinted material:

1. I don't like it.
2. That's ridiculous!
3. What, the Barrow Wight again?
4. Who writes this garbage?
5. The ravings of a lunatic!
6. What exactly are your journalistic credentials, I should like to know?
7. Whatever happened to the truth, the whole truth and nothing but...?
8. I don't like the Alien's shade of green. Use more chartreuse.
9. I've never seen such a piece of sycophantic, boot-licking lackeyism!
10. What contemptible nonsense!

Thank you in advance for your cooperation,
Ms. Sibyll Claire Voyant
Salem, Massachusetts

[Laurinquë]

What kind of cheese? ;)

Yes indeed! What kind? I vote for feta.

Also in regards to cheese, is cheese in fact the only thing that can subdue Alien? TGEW and I think it is a possibility.

And, is it true we may be seeing more of my favourite character, John Fillis? Why is it spelled with an "f" anyway?...oh never mind that...:p

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And, is it true we may be seeing more of my favourite character, John Fillis? Why is it spelled with an "f" anyway?...oh never mind that...:p

There may be more John Fillis. He'll be a much more prominent character in Volume 3. ;) As to why it's spelled with an 'f'... It's because it's the name of a real person. When we were making the animation, I said I wanted the monster to have a 'normal sounding name'. My brother picked up a picture from a newspaper of a fat guy with a moustache called "John Fillis". I thought it was amusing, so I used it. I may scan the image in and post it up at some point...

Cheese's effect on Alien is the same as almost all foods; he'll eat it.

EDIT:
Here he is, folks...

http://i34.tinypic.com/nobl02.jpg

[Morai]

There is a massive conspiracy. A massive and, ultimately, ridiculously pointless, conspiracy involving... Cheese?

Cheese? I like cheese. :D

What kind? I vote for feta

Hm...I say hard cheddar or...gouda. I wonder if Alien would eat the wax too...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Life offers us many terrible things. This newspaper is one of them.

Thanks once again to the phantom for his mini-heads and the second story. It does make this process much easier.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Week113.jpg

The Revolting Revelations continue... Sort of.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode012.jpg
Episode 011 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode011.jpg)
Episodes 1-10 (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showpost.php?p=565695&postcount=1124)

[Morai]

Wow...I think this if my favorite P & A...ever. Or it could be that I ate waaaaaaay too much chocolate today.

That's right folks: low-fat=EVIL!!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Wow...I think this if my favorite P & A...ever. Or it could be that I ate waaaaaaay too much chocolate today.

That's right folks: low-fat=EVIL!!

Yes, this is one of my favorites as well. I'm not sure what Morsul needs the mayonnaise for. But do keep the Mayo in your mind, especially towards the end of this volume. It may be important. ;)
Incidentally, for a good 90% of this volume The Phantom and Alien don't meet. You have to wait until Episode 36 for that! :D

[Nerwen]

I love the concept of evil mayonnaise!:D


...and of course it was an accident.;)

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Yep. Lal is quite correct. There is a massive conspiracy. A massive and, ultimately, ridiculously pointless, conspiracy involving... Cheese?



Yeah, it was originally Gil-galad, but then I remembered that he was vaporised by Morsul The Dark in the last episode of Volume 1. :D

On Monday there begins a two-parter involving The Phantom which contains something of vital importance. ;)Everything involves cheese.

What kind of cheese? ;)Bree of course! But Lauri doesn't like brie? Oh well...


Anyway, is that real mayonnaise? Or the fake kind?

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

I really should put some limits to the acces Hookbill has to my facebook account.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I really should put some limits to the acces Hookbill has to my facebook account.

I probably wouldn't have used that picture if Volo hadn't pointed it out to me. :p

There are only so many pictures on the Barrow Downs' Photo Page I can use. If not for Facebook I'd have to make increasingly random pictures of things not relating to Downers... Which might please some people...

I do, of course, still accept any pictures any one wants to send for the paper. As long as they're funny. :p

[Lalwendë]

I really should put some limits to the acces Hookbill has to my facebook account.

Rune, are you not a student? It's compulsory to steal traffic cones! ;)

[Groin Redbeard]

Rune, are you not a student? It's compulsory to steal traffic cones! ;)
He seems to be quite pleased with himself too. :)

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Maybe I should explain what is really going on in that photo. . .

It is taken on the Island of Livø, I am up there on a socialist "camp" every summer. This year I was atending a course about survailance and amongst others the former chief of PET - Politiets Efteretningstjeneste (the Danish Security Inteligence Service) was lecturing, some of us then formed the LET - Livø Efteretningstjeneste.

Another course then made a "happening" where they bloked the road (there is only one paved road on the island) in a protest to get all motorised vehicles off the island, it has to be said there only is two tractors on the island.

Anyways what you here see is right after the LET succesfully infiltrated and disolved the protest, I am clearing the road in order for the tractor to use the road.

I would never steal trafic cones. . .now shoplifting that's another story.

[Groin Redbeard]

Those silly socialists, it's absolutely wonderful that they find nothing better to do with their brains than block a road and scream their heads off about evil motorists!

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

When we go to this island it is for a vacation and though we may discuss serious matters in during our courses in the morning, our main priority is to have fun and enjoy each others company.

Therefor when this happening was made (just one out of many) it was of course done in jest, thereby I am not saying that there was nothing seriouse about it.

A good example is the course I did. Very seriouse stuff and we even made a draft for new laws about survailance which should be presented in the parlament any day now, but at the same time we found time to joke and found the LET.

[THE Ka]

Few clues? Pffft... There I was, minding my own business sketching a lovely portrait scene of young socialists in their natural habitat, and you still can't see the obvious evidence?

That's the last time I ever donate work to the local police force. Next time you'll simply have to trade your firstborn for it like everyone one else.

She was very insistent that we emphasize 'the' in her name.

Well, I have to make a name for m'self of course...

That's right folks: low-fat=EVIL!!

Low-fat anything is obviously evil. It tricks people into a false sense of safety, and keeps them coming back for more.
... If you've ever tried to explain to someone that two diet coca colas vs. a single coke really do not make the difference you know this already.

~ Ka

[Lalwendë]

When we go to this island it is for a vacation and though we may discuss serious matters in during our courses in the morning, our main priority is to have fun and enjoy each others company.

Therefor when this happening was made (just one out of many) it was of course done in jest, thereby I am not saying that there was nothing seriouse about it.


So it's a bit like the stunts that Tricksters pulled in the 60s? It makes a politcial point in a fun way? :cool:

[Lindale]

Low-fat anything is obviously evil. It tricks people into a false sense of safety, and keeps them coming back for more.
... If you've ever tried to explain to someone that two diet coca colas vs. a single coke really do not make the difference you know this already.

~ Ka

Luckily for me, I never have to think if I'm to take diet-anything or the original-version-anything. Muwahahaha.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Time for the next installment of The Phantom and Alien. I had a lot of fun with this one. Look at Morsul's legs! :D

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode013.jpg
Episode 012 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode011.jpg)
Episode 011 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode011.jpg)
Episodes 1-10 (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showpost.php?p=565695&postcount=1124)

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

Hey, but I like Massa Mop - sorry, I meant Mr mop - he's cute :) Is he going to appear in the future ones, too?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Hey, but I like Massa Mop - sorry, I meant Mr mop - he's cute :) Is he going to appear in the future ones, too?

Urm... I did think about it, but the story line seems to have rendered that impossible. Maybe in volume 3...
I do often wonder where Morsul the Dark (the Downer) has gone to and whether he finds his appearance in P&A insulting. :eek:

Someone asked me where I get my ideas from. I steal them from homeless children with skin conditions. Just like Jane Austen.

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

Urm... I did think about it, but the story line seems to have rendered that impossible. Maybe in volume 3...
A pity. And I secretly thought that he might have been the one who's behind all this...

I do often wonder where Morsul the Dark (the Downer) has gone to and whether he finds his appearance in P&A insulting. :eek:
Obviously. That's the reason why he's no longer around.

Or maybe a milder interpretation: the strange space-time continuum of the comic strip just sucked him inside and therefore he exists only in there and no longer in RL.

[Nerwen]

Obviously. That's the reason why he's no longer around.

Or maybe a milder interpretation: the strange space-time continuum of the comic strip just sucked him inside and therefore he exists only in there and no longer in RL.

Uh... yes... much milder...
:confused:

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

MORSUL'S GOT LEGS!

That's amazing, they are so disproportional to his body, I love them!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I'm sure you're all tired of this...

Thanks and a special kind of scurvy go to the phantom for his mini head lines and the second story.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Week114.jpg

After all this time, it's Alien's turn to annoy everyone as the tale of the Revolting Revelations gets Beeftastic...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode014.jpg
Episode 013 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode012.jpg)
Episode 012 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode012.jpg)
Episode 011 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode011.jpg)
Episodes 1-10 (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showpost.php?p=565695&postcount=1124)

[Lindale]

wait--chickens in middle earth don't have wings? :D

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Rune's Beef
- It is beeftastic

[THE Ka]

That is by far the most disgusting Phantom & Alien episode ever.


~ Save Adoreable Cows! Ka

[Groin Redbeard]

Rune's Beef
- It is beeftastic
I suggest you get someone, other than alien, to produce your beef. :smokin:

I love that the story about Nogrod's takeover, he looks mighty annoyed and determined! :rolleyes:

[Nogrod]

he looks mighty annoyed and determined! I was indeed just about trying to pull a face to Rune when he took the picture but I was a microsecond late so it's just me preparing to pull a face... :p



And really, I'm following the developement in Finland keenly as well - not being hasty though. Maybe Lommy will not realise what will hit her after she has first organised the BD-governement in Finland. As the Leader of the BD I will soon be the leader of Finland ruled by BD-party as well... :D

Not a bad beginnings for a career to become a dictator for a website and an EU-country at the same time!

Tremble Canada! Tremble E-Bay!


***
How sad day for journalism the Downer didn't point that out even if they had both news on their frontpage... ;)
(or were tp & Hookbill just paid by me not to make the connection openly?... well, you'll never know...)

[Bêthberry]

Not a bad beginnings for a career to become a dictator for a website and an EU-country at the same time!

Tremble Canada! Tremble E-Bay!



What I want to know is if any of these Finnish maver-- er, refor--er, revolutionaries--can hunt or dress a moose.

Here's how it's done in Canada:

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y64/MimsyBorogroves/politicsCanadaParrySoundhunter.jpg

[Hookbill the Goomba]

That is by far the most disgusting Phantom & Alien episode ever.

Don't worry, Ka, there are worse to come. Funnily enough, the most disgusting ones always involve Alien... Weird that... Let's just say Lal will probably have a nervous breakdown by episode 100 (which I'm about to start drawing... probably tomorrow).

How sad day for journalism the Downer didn't point that out even if they had both news on their frontpage... ;)
(or were tp & Hookbill just paid by me not to make the connection openly?... well, you'll never know...)

I only accept payment in the form of oats and stoats. And occasionally groats.

Just to let you know; Thursday's Phantom and Alien will involve the return of a very popular character. Can you guess which one? I'll give you a clue; the title of the episode is 'Dummy part 1'...

[Morthoron]

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Avast ye lubber Editor:

Yarrrrr, me hearty! Sumptin' seems amiss in yer study: 'Pirhanas Eventually Grow Weary of all Cat Diet'. It's a whale of a story, no doubtin', but it's fishy nonetheless. But it does me ol' bones good to hear that salty dog Phantom's got hisself thrown in the brig, and well he should, b'gum! 'Tis fair past time that scurvy Gentl'man 'o' the road done got bilged on his own anchor! Now that the cat's out 'o' th' bag (and not in the fish, so to speak), we'll be havin' no more scuttlebutt from one 'o' the scuppered class, and greasy as an eel to boot! Mayhap more of his bilge-suckin' brood will be dancin' the hempin' jig (if ye pardon me parlance, savvy?).

P.S. Begad, ye blaggardly swabs 'o' the Barrow Downs, keep yer presses shipshape and sailin' full speed ahead. For, truth to tell, we use yer paper in the head, so there be no mess on the poopdeck!

Best wishes, matey, and kiss the gunner's daughter,
Cap'n Melville Pequod
HMS 'Enry Morgan

[Groin Redbeard]

As the Leader of the BD I will soon be the leader of Finland ruled by BD-party as well... The BD party?!:eek: Maybe there should be a BD party, that would be an excellent idea: a party devoted to the belief of Tolkien and his Middle-Earth philosophies! No longer will we describe ourselves as Republicans, Liberals, or Communist, I am now a Barrow Downer!

"Ask not what Tolkien can do for you, he's dead give the guy a break, but what you can do for Tolkien!":D

Sorry that was and A.D.D moment.

[Morai]

No longer will we describe ourselves as Republicans, Liberals, or Communist, I am now a Barrow Downer!

Or Downer for short, it seems most parties are one word labels.

When I saw Beeftastic! up there...I nearly posted a link to a YouTube clip...only to realize that the quote I was thinking of was "Meattastic!" Totally different things. :o

[Hookbill the Goomba]

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Dear Cap'n Melville Pequod,

We have your children. If you do not pay the ransom in thirty three hours we will be forced to feed them to the squid. Besides which, I don't much like your tone of voice. Nor do I fully understand the nature of this 'letter' business.

All the same, I want the money in unmarked gold bars and delivered to the bins outside the local supermarket.

Yours,
Olbert the Tramp.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Here is Thursday's Phantom and Alien. Please use responsibly. May cause some sort of eye disease.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode015.jpg
Episode 014 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode014.jpg)
Episode 013 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode013.jpg)
Episode 012 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode012.jpg)
Episode 011 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode011.jpg)
Episodes 1-10 (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showpost.php?p=565695&postcount=1124)

[Lindale]

[in a Mary-Sue-ish childish voice]Mr. Hookbill sir, what exactly is the purpose of the dummy?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

[in a Mary-Sue-ish childish voice]Mr. Hookbill sir, what exactly is the purpose of the dummy?

The Phantom is planning to fake his own death. As Olburt has already guessed. The idea was first mentioned here (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode007.jpg).

[Hookbill the Goomba]

For anyone who's interested;

In an attempt to gather all the Phantom and Alien comics together, I created a little website for them. If you've missed an episode or two, I hope this can help you catch up on the all the idiocy of this silly comic.

THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN (http://www.freewebs.com/joelcornah/)

I've set myself the challenge of including a photo from Oxonmoot on the Monday after the event... Wish me luck. :D

[Thinlómien]

Great website, Hookbill! :D

I was a little troubled by this part, though:
The Penguins are a noble and silly race. Lommy is a high ranking Penguin with something of a grudge against all things oaty. Her adventures are many and unusual.

She made a brief appearance on an airplane in episode 29 of volume 1. The fact that this character page is here should tell you she's going to come back for some reason. :eek:;)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

A little later than usual...

the phantom's excellent work continues to give me more time to eat biscuits.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Week115.jpg

A shocking development hits The Phantom in today's episode...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Episode016.jpg
Comic Archive (http://www.freewebs.com/joelcornah)

[Lindale]

...I never knew I worked as a prison warden in a place I've never even heard of. :D

[Aganzir]

What's wrong with the Barrow-Wight? I thought I told him to have my screenname changed before this issue of The Downer would come out of print. Admins... :rolleyes:

Anyway, good work with the articles, both of you. I almost cracked up at that "Mithalwen signed by Manchester united" thing. :p

Is the background of the mini headlines a little green because of Greenie's protest?

[Lindale]

Nilp's head found? What, has his Arbeitsbuch or whatever that is killed him now? Haha, if I showed the editions where his photos and names appeared to Frau Ong and the others at their department, then maybe I can get perfect marks this semester at my German course.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Is the background of the mini headlines a little green because of Greenie's protest?

It WAS purple or something, then I accidentally hit 'negative' and it went green and I thought, "Hmm. That actually looks better."

I know the phantom isn't around much, but he wanted to send this message to you all;

http://www.freewebs.com/joelcornah/Awsome%20Phantom.JPG

[Aganzir]

His body has become scarily feminine since I last saw him. :p

Or... could it be? Phantom! Are you wearing a corset?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

His body has become scarily feminine since I last saw him. :p

Or... could it be? Phantom! Are you wearing a corset?

It's not my artwork, by the way. You can tell by the fact that it's... you know... good.

I had the same thought at first. But Joshua, my brother, who drew it, said it's because he can't draw folded arms very well. Looks fine to me.

In other NEWS...

We haven't had any word searches or puzzles in the paper for a while. I'd like to throw the idea out there for anyone who wants to make one. PLEASE DO!

[the phantom]

Nice drawing, Josh.
Are you wearing a corset?
No!

Well... okay, maybe a little.

But are you saying that being somewhat trim qualifies me as "girly"? I hope not, as I rather like my waist the way it is. Having extra padding is not particularly useful on a tennis court, racquetball court, basketball court, or really any kind of court.

But naturally my biggest reason for staying fit is to impress you. For all I know you may make a wrong turn tomorrow and accidentally end up in Nebraska and spot me, and just in case that happens I want to be looking decent.

Oh, and Hook- I love what you added to the Mith headline! :D

[Nogrod]

A delightful Downer!

That pic is just... well the feeling of it, the way people ARE there... That was soo nice!

---

"SPM, Nogrod and phantom have never been photographed or even wittnessed at the same time and place"... indeed... Is "my" secret going to be disclosed? :eek:

Makes one reconsider some werewolf-games anew... :D

[Kath]

Ah Agan! I'm so glad someone else thought that. :D

[Groin Redbeard]

That boat looks like it is going to sink!:D Were you guys trying to brake a Ghenis world record?;)

[Mithalwen]

Anyway, good work with the articles, both of you. I almost cracked up at that "Mithalwen signed by Manchester united" thing. :p



I don't think it is funny.

I shall be consulting my lawyers.

And what is Manchester United anyway?...no don't tell me, since it involves some benighted place in the grim upnorth I don't want to know.

[Aganzir]

No!
Oh... I had hoped you were. :(
But naturally my biggest reason for staying fit is to impress you. For all I know you may make a wrong turn tomorrow and accidentally end up in Nebraska and spot me, and just in case that happens I want to be looking decent.
You should have asked me before deciding to stay fit - I can't resist fat and girly men.

Ah Agan! I'm so glad someone else thought that. :D
Haha. ;)

[Thinlómien]

And what is Manchester United anyway?...no don't tell me, since it involves some benighted place in the grim upnorth I don't want to know.Oh Mith, don't you remember (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showpost.php?p=533117&postcount=893)... ;)

[the phantom]

I shall be consulting my lawyers.
No, no, dear- I actually wrote a special full-length article especially for you that I will soon be sending to Master Hookbill. If you go and sue his paper I doubt he'll run an article that views you in a favorable light.
Oh... I had hoped you were.
Ah. Didn't expect that.
I can't resist fat and girly men.
Really? Well in that case, I'm going to go home, dress up like a princess, and eat an entire box of twinkies.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

No, no, dear- I actually wrote a special full-length article especially for you that I will soon be sending to Master Hookbill. If you go and sue his paper I doubt he'll run an article that views you in a favorable light.

An article that views someone in a favorable light? In The Downer? :eek: What madness is this?

Oh, and for you Oxonmooters... The special paper will probably be completely insane. I've spent a bit of time thinking of 'good'* ideas for it. I'll try and write some of them down before we start work on it proper. Which will probably be on Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday of next week... Yes.

*by which I mean 'rubbish'

[Mithalwen]

Oh Mith, don't you remember (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showpost.php?p=533117&postcount=893)... ;)

But David Beckham is just one of Jeremy Clarkson's hens which was killed by a fox. I don't even know what street Manchester is on.....:confused:

And Phantom darling .. Iw as thinking more on the lines of injunctions..

[Laurinquë]

You know, I really want to read this super special Downer, it simply is not fair that people do not hand me 3,000 dollars to buy a plane tickets to Oxford with. ;)
It would be so wonderful to have a real, solid, paper and ink Downer.

Oh, and I have been meaning to tell you this Hookbill; those Phantom and Alien images are [I]really[I] awesome. I know you didn't make them, but still. I may have to put them on a t-shirt as a Christmas present for "certain people". But I think that would require a large image of John Fillis. (Hint, hint).

[Hookbill the Goomba]

With this twice weekly dosage of Phantom and Alien, you'd think you'd get sick of it pretty soon...

http://www.freewebs.com/joelcornah/Episode%20017.JPG
Comic Archive (http://www.freewebs.com/joelcornah)

[Gwathagor]

Mr. the Goomba, I'm curious as to what's happening in the background of this comic.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Mr. the Goomba, I'm curious as to what's happening in the background of this comic.

Look at the end of the previous comic and see if you can guess. ;)

[Lindale]

...erm, why is Phantom hunted?

[Groin Redbeard]

Mr. the Goomba, I'm curious as to what's happening in the background of this comic.

I think the dead phantom is lying on the ground and General Crock-face and his green assistant are talking.

By the way, nice job with the happy bunny road, Hookbill! I actually think I've been there. :D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

...erm, why is Phantom hunted?

Why indeed? ;)

I think the dead phantom is lying on the ground and General Crock-face and his green assistant are talking.

Well, The fake-Phantom, anyway. :p

[Groin Redbeard]

Well, The fake-Phantom, anyway. :p
See, it even fooled me!:D

[Aganzir]

Really? Well in that case, I'm going to go home, dress up like a princess, and eat an entire box of twinkies.
I look forward to photos.

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

My compliments to the latest edition of The Downer! But I got a bit worried on Sunday when it didn't come out, I was a bit afraid that something happened to Hookbill and that's why there was no news!:eek:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

My compliments to the latest edition of The Downer! But I got a bit worried on Sunday when it didn't come out, I was a bit afraid that something happened to Hookbill and that's why there was no news!:eek:

I had to get up early the next morning (7:00 in the morning IS early, considering I had regularly been sleeping until 10 at least for most of the summer), so I couldn't post it at midnight as usual. Should be no trouble this week. And, considering my new Time Table, for any future Downers for the next semester. :D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

You may be wondering why I do this every week... You know what... So was I...

the phantom's work continues to be good. Give him compliments.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Week116.jpg

Purple Pete is one of my favorite characters from the new serise. I hope you like him too.

http://www.freewebs.com/joelcornah/Episode%20018.JPG
Comic Archive (http://www.freewebs.com/joelcornah)

[Lindale]

...why did it take too long for Purple Pete to realize Phantom is lying...?

[Oddwen]

...why did it take so long for that pun to be used, I'm wondering...

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Why is it so hard to get hobbit blood off your face?

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Purple Pete? I like that name... I should name my next pet that... It would be too mean to name a child that...

[Groin Redbeard]

This is one of those Downer articles that you absolutely out did yourself on, Hookbill! :D I enjoyed this weeks Downer so much, everything from the headline to the comic, perfect job!

I thought that the picture of Lommy's fat sister as an oversized penguin was a stroke of genius! :smokin:

[Nogrod]

... Why is it those stigmas stick into you? :rolleyes:


And just to correct the misleading information in the Downer these two in the picture are elves trying to guide a company of clumsy men through Mirkwood... :p

Now you would trust these guys as your guides at any time, sure...

[Morai]

I love the expressions in the last panel.....of the second to newest P & A. :D I'm so behind now...silly course load.

When I first saw the headline...I thought it was accusing me of a spelling error. Really, that's a rather cruel thing to say to a Creative Writing major. I nearly dropped my Reese's Pieces.

Death by Pick Axe? Does that mean I've died twice? Have I been "re-killed" as it were? Anyway, death by misinformed dwarves has to be expected; at least Groin's axe was shiny enough to hold my attention.

And now that I've finished this post, I'll shall feast upon peanut butter and chocolate candy.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

...why did it take too long for Purple Pete to realize Phantom is lying...?

He never went to school. ;)

...why did it take so long for that pun to be used, I'm wondering...

Ask Lommy. I think she beats up all the people who make that joke. That's where the phantom has been these last few days; in Lommy's basement being battered with a cricket bat.

Death by Pick Axe? Does that mean I've died twice? Have I been "re-killed" as it were?

Happens a lot in The Downer, I'm afraid.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Okay, before I go to Oxonmoot, here is Thursday's Phantom and Alien...

http://www.freewebs.com/joelcornah/Episode%20019.JPG

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

Who's the guy with the purple hair? An why does lal and Alien want to see him?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Who's the guy with the purple hair? An why does lal and Alien want to see him?

He's supposed to be a sort of secretary for the Oat Factory. Lal and Alien are there to see his boss. Sorry if that's not too clear. :(

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

He's supposed to be a sort of secretary for the Oat Factory. Lal and Alien are there to see his boss. Sorry if that's not too clear. :(That's what I figured, I just needed a bit more clarification! Thanks!:D

[Groin Redbeard]

I guess Alien made it alright down the "happy" bunny road! :) Very funny Hookbill, Alien is right I couldn't understand what that purple haired guy was saying with all of his high society mumbo jumbo. :rolleyes:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Because I'm really tired and probably about to colapse onto my computer, I'm going to give you all a special treat.
Instead of your regular Newspaper tomorrow, I'll post up the Oxonmoot special for you all. It will probably be later than usual because I need some sleep after the ordeal of Oxford, trains and mugging. (read my blog (http://hukbillgoomba.livejournal.com) if you really want to know this rubbish story).

The Phantom and Alien should be there as well.

Here is Esty holding a copy of it;

http://photos-e.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v364/91/9/508873931/n508873931_981516_5171.jpg

[Morthoron]

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Dear Sirs:

I must protest in the most strenuous terms the recent issue of your paper found here: http://forum.barrowdowns.com//showpost.php?p=569047&postcount=1223

The lack of editorial content in this recent edition is only matched by the miniature size of the offering. How does one read such a miniscule paper -- with a neutron microscope? Having an exotic model seductively clinging to the issue may be a clever (albeit distracting) marketing stroke, but it does not make up for this utterly illegible ort of news -- not one jot! Not one tittle!

How can one scruple to trivialize important news by serving shredded smidgens of fragmentary commentary dabbed on a molecular level? It is peevishly small-minded and short-shrifts the reading public! It might play well to mites, bed bugs and the louse population, but I canot believe these make up a great percentage of your subscriber base (and one needn't be a bookworm to come to that realization). And the one picture barely recognizable on the front page? Well, it could be General George Armstrong Custer, Colonel Sanders or Charlie Daniels for all I know!

I expect a larger issue next time around, preferably one I can read without the aid of NASA and the Hubble telescope.

Thank you in advance for solving a large concern,

Monsignor Ophthalmos Squint
Pastor, Our Lady of the Cerulean Orb
Poquito Vista, CA

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Okay, peoples of good. Here is the newspaper of bad...

Oxonmooters got a sneak preview of this nonsense...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/OxonSpecial2008part1.jpg

The inside Pages;

PART 2 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/OxonSpecial2008part2.jpg)

PART 3 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/OxonSpecial2008part3.jpg)

THE BACK PAGE (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/OxonSpecial2008part4.jpg)!

The adventure for The Phantom continues... YES!

http://www.freewebs.com/joelcornah/Episode%20020.JPG
Comic Archive (http://www.freewebs.com/joelcornah)

[Lalwendë]

Oooh, The Downer has a sports section! Does it have Warg Racing tips and a Monday round-up of the weekend's Crazy Captions action? :cool:

[Gwathagor]

Custard!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I've just realised you can't see that Phantom and Alien comic on Part 3...
Basically;

First panel -
Alien: So I've taken up smoking.

Second Panel -
Phantom: C'mon, lung cancer! I'm counting on you!

Third Panel -
Phantom: Hang on, you're smoking my money aren't you?
Alien: Right on!

[Groin Redbeard]

Very enjoyable Mr. Hookbill! I noticed that your paper was sponsered by Rune's quality prunes, is this the same Rune who's selling his quality beef and chacing his balloons with a spoon? :D

[Lalwendë]

Custard!

You can't beat custard!

There is plenty of mention of sinister experiments involving custard and Legolas in one of my favourite ever Downs threads as follows:

Snow Angels (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showthread.php?t=12283&highlight=custard+legolas)

[Bêthberry]

Because I'm really tired and probably about to colapse onto my computer, I'm going to give you all a special treat.
Instead of your regular Newspaper tomorrow, I'll post up the Oxonmoot special for you all. It will probably be later than usual because I need some sleep after the ordeal of Oxford, trains and mugging. (read my blog (http://hukbillgoomba.livejournal.com) if you really want to know this rubbish story).

The Phantom and Alien should be there as well.

Here is Esty holding a copy of it;

http://photos-e.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v364/91/9/508873931/n508873931_981516_5171.jpg

Oh what do my wondering eyes see? Esty has changed her colours.

Esty's wearing green!!!!! A green barrow downs tee shirt!!!

And I thinks it looks positibly spendid on her. :D

[Gwathagor]

You can't beat custard!



Is it Bird's?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

It's Thursday. So, that means another episode of that stupid cartoon...

http://www.freewebs.com/joelcornah/Episode%20021.JPG

Comic Archive (http://www.freewebs.com/joelcornah/)

Keep the mystery box in mind. It may be important. ;)

[Groin Redbeard]

Good one, Hookbill, laughed at almost every slide! :)

[Laurinquë]

That was pretty magnificent Hookbill, you've out done yourself. What did Rune think of his new product?

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

Hey, that's great! I love Alien in that one :D Is he going to keep the outfit for a while? I'd certainly like that! :D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Hey, that's great! I love Alien in that one :D Is he going to keep the outfit for a while? I'd certainly like that! :D

He does keep for a good 70% of his story. He wears a few other outfits as well.

This reminds me! I had an idea for a little contest-type-thing. A 'Make your own Phantom and Alien comic' contest!
Basically; draw your own P&A strip. DO NOT USE MY ARTWORK. It's rubbish. I'll take a maximum of, say, 10 strips? The Winner will get a sneak peak at the rest of Volume 2 and even a glimpse of volume 3. ;)

So, yeah. Basically, if you have any P&A comics, please PM me and I'll tell you where to send them (unless you already know my e-mail address, of course). The Deadline will be... Hmm.... 31st of October?

The runners up will get a cake.* I'll probably post them up on the P&A website as well.


*Disclaimer: cake may not actually exist.

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

I'd like to make my own P and A... In fact, I have already doodled some on my notes in school, when I'm supposed to be listening...:o Actually I thought of a very good one (At least to me) at Church Camp.:D

Anyway, loved the Oxonmoot paper! Even though I couldn't make it to Oxonmoot to get it myself.

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

I don't like the manipulation that goes on this thread and in the Downer!

By uploading that photo of Esty holding the Downer, Hookbill makes it seem like she endorses it and it is clearly used as adverticement.

This is not how it should be viewed! People felt physically ill when they got near the copy of the infamous newspaper, this is clearly shown in a photo of my self that Hookbill has chosen not upload! I will also like to point out that Esty is clearly trying to distance the Downer from her self and is clearly not comfortable holding it, she did infact get rid of the paper right after this photo was taken.

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

The Downer gave me scrofula. It also erased the part of my memory that contained my address and made my shoes fill with bizarre conserves. I'm posting this from an abandoned bath full of avocado marmalade somewhere outside Billericay; and if that sounds bad, you should see what happened to Guinevere.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Because I'm very tired and need some sleep, I'm posting up this Downer an hour early. Sorry. :(

I'm very grateful to the phantom for the second story and those 'In the News' headlines. It really does help!

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Week117.jpg

The adventure gets violent. Yay for violence.

http://www.freewebs.com/joelcornah/Episode%20022.JPG
Comic Archive (http://www.freewebs.com/joelcornah)

Anyone interested in that P&A 'draw a comic' contest?

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

I am interested!!! I like this weeks P and A! It is very happy!

[Boromir88]

phantom, what is up with your hatred of the halflings? :p

[Morthoron]

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

To whom it may concern:

I must voice my contempt of your hiring of Morthoron in an editorial capacity for your paper. It smacks of insincerity and crass publicity hiring some dubious internet pseudo-celebrity such as the so-called 'Dark Elf'. Having read a few of Morthoron's 'pieces', I must say he is contemptible and pompous, the arrogant sort of American we can certainly do without, particularly since there are plenty of arrogant English internet pseudo-celebrities to choose from. After all, English pomposity is based on gentrification and gentility -- centuries of Empire-building and class consciousness, not this noveau bumptiousness of the overproud colonials.

Morthoron uses words like he's building the Taj Mahal, which is all well and good if one doesn't mind such overly-ornate foreign structures cluttering up a perfectly decent neighborhood; personally, I do mind. We need good, sturdy English sentences -- earthy and without too many syllables -- the way God intended sentences to be constructed! I do not care a whit for Morthoron's alliteration, his callous contempt cavalierly couched in clever conceits. His condescension is clearly cause for concern and careful contemplation, a calculated and considered cogitation which can be communicated to all concerned in candid conversation.

Out of common decency, I demand you fire this Morthoron at once! Think of our children!

Sincerely,
Dyspepsia Umbrage
Choleric Cross, Grummberly Grange

[Thinlómien]

I could take part in the P&A contest... only that I can't really use paint and I've always been lousy at making comic strips. :D But I could try.

P&A and mini-headlines amused me. :D

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Dear Sirs,
I should like to object most strongly to your gross misrepresentation of my opinions as published in this week's copy of your otherwise invariably accurate newspaper. Your article paints me as some sort of deranged imbecile, when in fact my comments on the sky made perfect sense. What I actually said was that the firmament should be auctioned off and the proceeds donated to the Amon Rûdh Drainage and Roof-Repair Fund; and that it should be replaced with an enormous portrait of me in the state regalia of string vest, false moustache, sou'wester and paper hat, with a chair leg in one hand and a leg of mutton in the other. Of course, children will take up cannibalism if the sky remains in its current dull state; but under my stern gaze no such mischief will occur to them, which will leave more people for my own table. Also my poems were quite brilliant, and only the unbelievable stupidity of everyone who heard or read them has robbed me of my well-deserved critical acclaim. What discerning wight could fail to be moved by Lines Written on Dropping My Toast?

It fell down
Accidentally
All the way to the floor.

It probably now
Has all sorts of dust and grit stuck to it.
And tastes a bit manky as well.

But perhaps it has picked up
That long-forgotten piece of cheese
That hasn't quite been fossilised.
That would still be nasty, but a bit less so.

If toast were round, I could play frisbee.

I promise that I am not currently manufacturing an explosive meringue for delivery to your offices, although I am.

Yours, etc.

[TheGreatElvenWarrior]

So if 73% of the Evil Plots are all Hookbill, then what about the other 27%? Where do they go to?

I bet to Lommy, or somebody completely innocent! (Or so they seem);)

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

So if 73% of the Evil Plots are all Hookbill, then what about the other 27%? Where do they go to?

I bet to Lommy, or somebody completely innocent! (Or so they seem);)

Well, don't say twice... *expects mwahahahing* ;)

[Groin Redbeard]

So if 73% of the Evil Plots are all Hookbill, then what about the other 27%? Where do they go to?
My bet is from Finland, those people are too cheerful to not be causing some sort of trouble. Why just the other day there was a report of three penguins escaping from the San Antonio zoo and clogging up traffic for three hours. Need I say anymore, I think we all know who loves penguins and lives in Finland! :D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Let's check in with Lal and Alien on their extravagant investigation into the mysterious Oat factory. BEWARE THE OATS!

http://www.freewebs.com/joelcornah/Episode%20023.JPG

Not sure why there's an odd semi-transparent box around Alien. I did try to remove it but couldn't seem to. Oh well.