The Barrow Downs Newspaper

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Read all about it, Extra! Local Wight rises from the dead! Time space continuum found dead in shop window! Idiot makes fake newspaper!

I've decided to present the Official* Barrow Downs Newspaper as a topic here. For two reasons:
1) I don't want to fill up the 'Who’s got the best signature' thread with my rubbish. And
2) Now everyone can join in on the fun! :D

Here is the plan... I'll post the weekly front page and anyone can post an inside story of their choice. It can be any section of a Newspaper; Politics, current affairs, sport, literature; you could even make some puzzles if you want!
Just post your story here! Remember, this is Mirth, so make it funny, or you'll be cast out!
(Note: Only the front page will be posted as a picture, the others can be normal post unless you really want to include pictures).

Oh, and you can write under a pseudonym if you wish. Also, if you wish to write a front page story, contact me by PM with your proposal. If it passes my 'funny' test, then I'll put it on the next front page!

Have fun!

I'll be updating every Monday... hopefuly.

Week 1:

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/Week001.jpg

*May not actually be Official

[Glirdan]

Ahhh good idea!

Here's one for an inside page.

Middle Earth Idol Cancelled!?
By Glirdan Tirithedain

The new hit series "Middle Earth Idol" has lately come to a rolling stop. The contestants have song their songs, but the judges are nowhere to be found!? It has been heard that Vala Seacrest has lately taken on the role of moderating another fun game "Werewolf". Our dearly beloved (and always seemingly drunk because she's always too happy) Wilwa Abdul has been missing in action for almost a month. Has she gone to a rehab? Or is she off trying to find a new husband? One of the co-creators of this hit series, Glirdy Jackson, has been heard to have gone on vacation because his brain is on the fritz. The final judge who we all love to hate, Sleepy Cowell, has not been seen around for quite some time. Will this hit new series continue? Or will it turn into a flop like the "The Middle Earth Americain Football Tournament"? Only time, and perhaps a bit of extra cash, will tell.

Note: Any questions about what I have put in here, please feel free to ask me...through PM's of course.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Special Report:

Mount Zoom under threat!
By Hamish McWelshman

The infamous 'Mount Zoom Challenge' came under scrutiny today after a press conference by the creator, a Mr. H Goomba, said, "If the players won't play, then we'll have to close it down."
There was a lot of confusion going on with players dropping in and out, posts being very short and a general lack of interest. A Pit stop was called to give the players a chance to recuperate, finish exams and other such annoyances. However, with the end of the Pit stop, last Saturday, so far none of the players have progressed the game.
If the latest challenge is unattended, then the game will be abandoned. Sauron was quoted in an interview, saying, "I'm furious, obviously. My Mountain of Doom is far superior to the others and I need to prove it to all of Middle Earth!"

So far, none of the players have been available for comment.

[Glirdan]

Missing Persons Bulletin
By Glirdan Tirithedain on behalf of Crystal Heart

Two of the members from a new Shire RPG, Dimutriel (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/member.php?u=4864) and Witch_Queen (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/member.php?userid=2409), have been missing for awhile. If anyone has spotted these two members or has any information about them, please notify the creator of the "Days of Darkness" RPG, Crystal Heart, as soon as possible. There is a reward of a million cookies being rewarded to anybody with information on these two missing members. You are allowed to berate them in anyway (ie. hit them, yell at them, hit them, force feed them cookies and hit them [make sure it's not to hard though. We still need them to post for their charcters after all]). Please notify the authoriy ASAP and thank you for your ghostly support in this matter.

Approved by Crystal Heart - worried game owner

[Hookbill the Goomba]

By Tom Bombadull

Today saw the opening of the infamous Davem's one-man show, "In search of the Legendarium". This emotional journey will bring even the most hardened Wight to tears and will probably change your entire life. The acting is outstanding, the music is unforgettable and the props will literally throw you out of your seats!
If you're in town this week, I highly recommend this!

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/Davemposter.jpg

If that's not your thing, also opening this week is Gil-Gallad's version of Superman, showing at the alternative theatre. However, don't expect any of the action of special effects of the latest films, no. This play includes Gil running around with the cape over his head, speaking muffled lines and performing odd fight scenes. The other actors are fine, the music is good and the lighting is admirable, if he'd take the cape off his head, it would probably be a good show.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/superWight.jpg

Films:

The only big film on the horizon is Hookbill the Goomba's documentary film "Crazy Captions: The Movie" to be re-named 'Crazy Captions: Beneath the cloak' in Gondor. Here, the Goomba looks into the success of the thread and asks the questions everyone wishes he hadn’t.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/CrazyMove2.jpg

[Hookbill the Goomba]

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/Week002.jpg

[The Saucepan Man]

Outrageous!

Typical journalistic misreporting.

I was not a frying pan, but actually a kettle. And, rather than being completely deflated, it lost a small amount of air before the puncture was happily repaired.

There is a lesson to be learned here, however. Inflatable kitchenwear is a false economy. :rolleyes:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Well, after considering your comments, the Downer newspaper has decided to offer an official apology and give you two tickets to see the Argonath's world tour, beginning tomorrow in Berlin.

Anyway...

Local Wight Buried in Dog Avalanche
By Harold House

After a long night of Crazy Captioning, a local Wight was today buried under a Dog avalanche outside the Dead Inn in the north of the Barrow Downs. Police are still investigating the incident and refusing to allow the dogs to be removed due to a fear of losing evidence. The Wight in question later suffocated.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/Week003.jpg

Sports

Here are this weeks Football / soccer results.

Barrow Downs League

Moderators united – 3
Chest Pains Athletic – 0

Rotten Skin FC – 9
Legless legs – 2

Wethertop Paragraph – 0
Midge water hysterical – 1

Gregory Arithmetic – 2
Hobbiton Inflation – 6

Bywater tentacle Vs Buckland swelling
Match postponed due to orange pitch


Education

The Barrow Downs minister for education announced this week that dead children are to be banned from schools. A survey showed that dead children don't do enough work and distract the other children due to teasing and smells. Head teachers have welcomed the scheme saying that it will reduce classroom sizes and also leave the canteen freer to living people.
Barrow Wights have called the decision 'disgraceful', 'horrible', 'shocking', and 'disgraceful'.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

As with all self-respecting newspapers, The Downer has it's own small comic strip. This one is called 'The Phantom and Alien'.

Enjoy.


http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA001.jpg

[Hookbill the Goomba]

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/Week004.jpg

And so the weeks continue.

[Mithalwen]

[QUOTE=Hookbill the Goomba]Today saw the opening of the infamous Davem's one-man show, "In search of the Legendarium". This emotional journey will bring even the most hardened Wight to tears and will probably change your entire life. The acting is outstanding, the music is unforgettable and the props will literally throw you out of your seats!
If you're in town this week, I highly recommend this!

QUOTE]

Or else Davem is just looking for Lalwende who had snuck off to the cinema with Boro ..is this the first item for the "Downer" gossip column? ;)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Or else Davem is just looking for Lalwende who had snuck off to the cinema with Boro ..is this the first item for the "Downer" gossip column? ;)

Possible, though not plausible. But hay, this is the newspaper world we're talking about, go wild! :p

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The Phantom and Alien... Episode Two!

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA002.jpg

[Glirdan]

Middle-Earth Idol Competition Back on it's feet...Somewhat...
By Glirdan Tirithedain

This hit new series has finally gotten off it's back and onto it's feet...well...sort of. It was heard that Glirdy Jackson, one of the co-creators, was heard complaining to the other judges about communication. In an interview, Glirdy had this to say: "We have no communication with each other. Only Cowell and Seacrest seem to know what the challenge is for the next week without consulting the other judges. Yes I know that Cowell is technically the creator and that Seacrest is the host, but Wilwa and myself should still get a vote, should we not?"

Will the judges and host eventually come to an agreement? Or will it be a flop? Only time, and a really good detective, will tell.

[Lalwendë]

I see I got promoted between weeks three and four too.

Wouldn't it be a scary world if I was a police officer? :D

Anyway, I think Mithalwen has unwittingly demonstrated her suitability to be the 3am 'gossip' Girl. :p

[Glirdan]

Interview with Hookbill the Goomba
By Scary Gary

We were able to catch up with this weeks eviction from Middle-Earth Idol, Hookbill the Goomba.



Gary - Hookbill. Mr. Goomba!! Could we talk to you for a second?

Hookbill - No.

G - Do you think we could have an interview?

H - No I wouldn't like to do an interview.

But I'll do it anyway. :p

G - Well, I thought you did a fantastic job in the Middle-Earth Idol Competition. You were really one of my favorites. What I'd like to know from you is what you thought of the judges?

H - I thought the judges were very slow on the uptake. I mean, come on! I should have been off at the first hurdle! I not only fell over at that hurdle, i set it on fire and then used the ashes to poison several high-ranking officials. What more do I have to do?

G - And what of the show itself? Did you have fun?

H - The show itself was... interesting. I felt the production values were, putting it lately, awful. The sets were cardboard and I am pretty sure the cameraman was not only blind, but also often facing in the wrong direction.

G - What are your thoughts on the other contestants?

H - As for the other contestants... I think that The Saucepan man was the best. He brings his own instruments.

G - Now that you're done on Middle-Earth Idol, what do you plan on doing next?

H - I plan to go back to my career in journalism and race management. That seems to get me the reputation points that keep me in cheese and ham.

G - It was a pleasure talking to you and thank you for your time.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I see I got promoted between weeks three and four too.

The joke is that you and Davem will be continuously changing rank throughout the weeks. :p

Watch out for next weeks edition where CID Lalwendë discovers a man made of cheese.

[Lalwendë]

The joke is that you and Davem will be continuously changing rank throughout the weeks. :p

Watch out for next weeks edition where CID Lalwendë discovers a man made of cheese.

Will he be a WPC too? :eek:

:D

[Mithalwen]

don't get the 3am girl ref but this is surely more material.... :p

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Will he be a WPC too? :eek:

Anything is posible with The Downer. ;)

[Valier]

Since the weather outside is frightful (Hot) I thought this would be a little refreshing.....

Can you spot all the LOTR things?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Can you spot all the LOTR things?

Hmmm... Let me see:

- Barrad Dash... I mean, Barad-Dûr Tree
- Reindeer ridden by Nazgûl
- Fellowship in snow-globe
- Ring letters on reef
- Hobbit stockings

That's all I could see. :D

[Lalwendë]

don't get the 3am girl ref but this is surely more material.... :p

You mean you don't read the Mirror with your morning coffee? :eek:


Hmm, maybe The 'Downer is an altogether more high-brow read anyway. It's better than Metro anyway. ;)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Hmm, maybe The 'Downer is an altogether more high-brow read anyway. It's better than Metro anyway. ;)

Only in the sense that it's not full of advertisements

http://recollectionbooks.com/bleed/images/humor/lard.jpg

Erm... You may want to ignore that...

[Lalwendë]

Appointments

Think you're funny?

Not afraid to deal with uncloaked wizards?

Slightly satirical?

Then we want YOU!

Crazy Captions Inc. is seeking Humour Representatives to sell funnies to bring amusement to the dullest days of Downers across the world. Hours to suit. Commission paid for every new joke made. Basic £5.50 p.h. OTE £20,000.

"Crazy Captions Inc. is the best employer ever. I would fully recommend working here." - Hookbill, Head of Captions.

***********

[Gil-Galad]

My day with a misunderstood Balrog, and exclusvie interview by Gil-Galad

Gil-Galad: We have here today one Johnny the Stinky Balrog, now mr.balrog, how did you come by this name?

Johnny: well when i was a kid, there was this tar pit near by filled with all these things that fell into it from above, my mommy always told me not to go near but i was hungry... and i fell in...and i basically never got the stench out

GG: terrible, so now you wander around Middle-Earth *looks at paper* helping strangers with their problems and rasing a Penguin army.

JB: ah yes, i mainly travel around now, setting fire to this and eating that guys horse, but i often enjoy sailing

GG: oh really? how does a Balrog sail?

JB:by not telling the crew theres a Balrog onboard! ha ha ha!

GG: Hilaurious, now Mr.Joh-

JB:hey can you get some special effect guy to make a picture of that?

GG: we can try, but now Johnny, about this latest thing, where you burned down a local make-up store because of being turned down by a lady, do you care to explain?

JB: well it wan't one of my proud moments... but she broke my heart and now i'm miserable...er...but thats the past

GG:indeed...do you have any plans for the future?

JB: of course i do and thanks for asking, i will plan on joining a wandering minstrel group and see how that works out...Lovely Spam...

GG: excuse me? did you just say lovely spam?

JB: maybe...maybe...no *eats spider*

GG:woah... now did you just eat that spider?

JB: i have no idea at what your talking about

GG: you just ate that spider!

JB:i did not

GG: i swear i just saw you eat that spider!

JB:i did not, now if you continue this rabling i might as well just leave

GG: your the one rambling! you ate that spider!

JB:i did not... wait... didn't you get killed off or something?

GG:...no now i think thats all the time we have

JB: hey yeah you did get killed off!

GG: hey look an eagle! *runs off*



After report: i never heard from him again, he was an interesting fellow and i would love to do more interviews of certain downers if one Goomba that may or may not have a bill that may or may not be hooked allows me to. Tune into more of my awesomeness and a PM may be coming to you soon!

[Naria]

The Red Planet Approaches Earth!!
by Naria Stargazer


Yes, that's right people! Mars is coming to Earth. Within the month of August Mars will get ever closer to Earth; finally being seen by the naked eye on the night of August 27th, 2006. This will NOT happen again for another 60,000 years...so grab your friends and family and be a witness to this awesome spectacle.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Letters to the Editor...

These were not made up... much...

Dear sir,

I want to thank you for doing such an excellent job on this publication. I enjoy all aspects of it and the £1.20 price tag is incredibly modest.
Please keep up the good work!

Mrs. J. Jekkaalg

Dear Mrs. Jekkaalg,

Thank you for your letter regarding The Downer. You will receive a packet of floss.

The price tag was a popular subject this week...

Dear sir,

I think the £1.20 price tag is very good value! No other 1,000 page newspaper can boast as much as The Downer.

Mr. H. Haych.

Dear Mr. Haych,

Thank you for you comments. You will receive two balls of glue.

And again, the price was the subject of the next letter...

Dear sir,

I think the price of £1.20 is far too low! I would gladly sell my house and all my possessions to help The Downer.

Mr. Jeremy Mister

Dear Mr. Mister,

Thank you for your input. You get a table made of cheese.

But the letters weren’t all full of praise.

Dear sir,

I think The Downer is a load of old dwarf droppings!

Mr. Notthebarrowwighthonest

Dear Mr. Notthebarrowwighthonest,

I think you're a load of old Dwarf Droppings.

[Mithalwen]

[QUOTE=Lalwendë]You mean you don't read the Mirror with your morning coffee? :eek:
QUOTE]


Good grief no, much more a case of the Telegraph with my evening gin & tonic ...unless it is Saturday in which case it might be coffee ..... don't generally imbibe before tiffin ;) Also I live in the sticks ... we don't get Metro, instead local life is supported by the delightfully anachronistic Lymington Times.

I rather think the Downer is closer to the Guardian.....

[Hookbill the Goomba]

As any editor of a high brow newspaper knows, the public these days are not interested in politics or business. They want controversy and scandal! That's why The Downer is now coming with a free supplement for all those types of things...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/Contravertial.jpg

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And so we move on to week 5!

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/Week005.jpg

[Gil-Galad]

As any editor of a high brow newspaper knows, the public these days are not interested in politics or business. They want controversy and scandal! That's why The Downer is now coming with a free supplement for all those types of things...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/Contravertial.jpg


i told you i found that Rhino in my basement!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/New.jpg Wow!


i told you i found that Rhino in my basement!

You know how the media always over blows these things. :D

Oh, lest I forget. The latest adventures of The Phantom and Alien.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA003.jpg

[Glirdan]

Interview with Survivor Hosts
By George Kidney

The hit series Survivor has lately come to a stop. What happened to the All Star Survivor that was supposed to happen? I was able to catch up with all of the previous hosts (with the exception of Anguirel who seemed to be sick with something called the Mublewumps) to get their thoughts.

Formendacil
Well, Mr. Reporter, I think it's game fatigue- too many games going on! 2005 was definitely the year of the Game, and the 2005-06 School Year was as well, but I think that game fatigue is catching up to the 'Downs in general.

It's also my considered opinion that a lack of a Moderator has meant a lot of problems. Either the Board Commitee is being too picky in selecting its new Moderator, or else the lack of candidates is appalling. What is needed is someone willing to step forward and bite the bullet.

If someone were to do that, we'd have a good game going, I think. Probably a smaller one- not like the heady days of the original, Boromir88 Survivor, but fun and well worth it. The unique thing about Survivor is that it requires pretty no commitment or brains from anybody- except the Moderator.

However, without a Moderator, I fear this series shall be lost to history.

Diamond18
Um, well, don't ask me these kinds of questions, I don't know what's going around here half the time. "Here" meaning the world in general. Tonight I couldn't decide whether a person with the first and middle names of Alex Lawrence was a boy or a girl.

However, I'm sure that if All Star Survivor ever actually happens Chrysophylax could beat Smaug because Smaug is stupid.

The Original game founder, and President of Survivor, Boromir88, was asked why the new All-Star Survivor has not yet started. Rumors have been swirling around about Boromir88's financial interests in the show. Reports have been swirling around that Boromir88 has bought the Chest Pains Athletics team in the Barrow-Downs league for 460 million dollars and he may be pulling out his financial backing to the Survivor show. When we asked Boromir88 about these reports, he responded 'I don't know where you are getting your information pal, but you're wrong.' He declined to answer any further questions....'

Glirdan
Well, perhaps it's just a slump. There has been game after game after game. I think that people are just wanting to take break from all the insanity of running and playing in a game. Having modded two Werewolf games and the Hobbit Survivor, I know exactly how they feel.

I also feel that the RPG's and other forums seem to be getting more attention as of late. Perhaps it's just that all the Mirthy threads are starting to loose their appeal?

The lack of a Moderator quite frightens me. Is the Comittee Board on strike? Or is that the candidates are absolutely horrendous? I have no idea. But I would really like to see this All Star Game happen. After all, it was my original idea.

Please note that all interviews are not made up by me. They are word for word interviews with these moderators.

Will this final chapter in the Survivor series happen? Or will Glirdan's dream be a complete wash out? If you're interested in Moderating this All Star game, pleas let any of the previous moderators know and they'll set up an interview.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

This week, things are slightly different...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/Week006.jpg

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The return of everyone's favourite comedy double act!

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA004.jpg

[Mithalwen]

Davem looks like he has a role in "The Full Monty" :D

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

didn't he ?

[THE Ka]

Davem looks like he has a role in "The Full Monty" :D

Ah, classic I say, a classic. :)


~ Ka

[Mithalwen]

Well it is the right part of the world..... oh dear that gossip thang... I just can't help myself...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/New.jpg A Change of direction...

Owing to a vast number of complaints aimed at our magazine publication, "The Downer Controversial", the editors have decided to disband that old one in favour of a new one that may be more acceptable to a wider audience.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/Happy.jpg

[Lalwendë]

You can leave your hat on...

Davem looks like he has a role in "The Full Monty" :D

It was filmed in our neighbourhood - the old corner shop (now a house) is in it, and the gritting yard at the bottom of the road so you never know... :D

My office also gets blown up on screen twice - once in Threads (grim nuclear drama that gives you nightmares for the rest of your life, written by one of my tutors) and then again in The Last Train (rubbish sci-fi drama where lots of people survive a metoer impact when their train crashes in the tunnel going into the station).

[Hookbill the Goomba]

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/New.jpg The Heads this week...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/Week007.jpg

This is the News!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The continuing adventures of Norway's ninth favourite comedy duo...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA005.jpg

[Glirdan]

Interview with host Vala Seacrest - A Downer's Exclusive
By Glirdan Tirithedain

I wasable to catch up with the host from the hit series Middle-Earth Idol and was quite pleased to answer my questions.

Glirdan - Hello Vala! How are you today?

Vala - Fine, fine. Now, what do you want?

G - I just have a few questions for you about Middle-Earth Idol. It will only take a few minutes of your time.

V - Alright fine.

G - Okay, first question. What are your thoughts on the remaining contestants?

V - I like them all. Obviously every single one of them is creative and witty, but have great personalities. I can't really say which one I think will do the best... but I really don't know who will win out of the, well, now five remaining.

G - What are your thoughts on how the competition is going?

V - Oh, I think it's doing pretty well. It isn't rapid, which is why lots of people dropped out. It takes a lot of time, but we're talking about being the next big thing!

G - This is true. My next question is what is it like working with the judges?

V - It's... it's hard, actually. Sleepy Cowell keeps making fun of my noble DJing career, and I don't think Wilwa has noticed that I co-ordinate my outfit to hers each time we're on air. I guess my major thing about Glirdy is that he always has to say everything three times. It's so... so... so...- You know?

G - That's why I'm glad to be a newpaper reporter! *Laughs heartily which dies quickly as Vala looks at him with annoyance* Do you have a favorite of the competition?

V - I -did-. Probably because it was so easy to make puns about him, but also because of his zaniness. I was the original pan-fan.

G - I too was quite sad to see the man with pans leave. He was such an entertainer. My next question is would you do this again if the series continued next year?

V - I'm not sure... the DJ career has really picked up for me, and I've got gigs booked from Buckland to Aldberg, and we're talking to someone from Minas Tirith records about a possible compolation album I might be working on. It's hard to say.

G - I see. Now, my final question. Is it true that you have a lazy eye?

V - My-my eye? No! Of course it isn't lazy... it... it's just not motivated! Who have you been talking to?! :mad:

At that point, I had to run as fast as I could because Vala started chasing me with a broom and was going to beat me over the head with it.

Watch out next week as I try and grab an interview with the sweetest (and possibly most drunk) judge of the competition.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/New.jpg These are the headlines... I wish they wern't.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/Week008.jpg

Have fun!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Once again, Central Russia's two hundredth favourite comedy duo...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA006.jpg

Also...

Local dentists swell.
By Sid Marat

It has come to the attention of the Downer that the sheer size of its local dentists is becoming a strain on the BHS (Barrow Health Service). Reinforced flooring as well as wider doors have already cost the Barrow Wight nigh on 14,000 Gold coins in the last few years. The BW told reports that "This" situation was "Not" going to go on "For" much longer and that "We" should not worry about it.
Despite the BW's words, other moderators have expressed concern about the current situation, saying 'It won't be long now'. No one quite knows what they are referring to, but we are assured that it is good.

Heavy colours in their food, which is provided by the local fish and chip shop, caused the swelling dentists. The novelty of eating blue chips has obviously had a rather bad effect. At the Barrow Wight's question time on Thursday evening, it is expected that many opposition MDs (Members of the Downs) will be heavily critical of the amount of funding being poured into the BHS and the very little that is coming out. The BW argues that the larger dentists mean less patients. All remains to be seen.

[Glirdan]

Weekly Interview with Middle-Earth Idol Eviction: SpM
By Glirdan Tirithedain


I was unable to get a word with the actual evictee. However, I was able to get the following statment from his agent, GT Greay and Associates:

Mr SP Man is sorry not to have made it to the final stages of the competition, but was not entirely shocked given the strong competition. In many ways, he is relieved, since it had freed him up to pursue his career in earnest.

He has enjoyed his time in the competition immensely and feels that he has learned much, particularly from the judges. Despite Sleepy Cowell's "Mr Nasty" persona, Mr Man recognises the sense in much of what he says and hope to be able to work with him again in the future. He was also boosted throughout the competition by the infectious enthusiasm of Glirdy Jackson and the kindly encouragement of Wilwa Abdul.

Mr Man's highlight of the competiton remains The Only Real Estel's rib-tickling and rip-roaring rendition of The Pie or the Cider. He considers that all of the remaining contestants have great talent but will be rooting for Mithalwen, whose contributions he considers to have been consistently top-notch.

Mr Man hopes to pursue his dream of bringing kitchenwear-based syncopation into the mainstream and will shortly be releasing his first album, Sauce for the Goose.

Mr Man may be contacted through his agent, GT Grey & Associates, Agent to the Istars.

Stay tuned next week to see my interview with the next evictee.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/WOTY.jpg

That's right, folks! On September the 10th, the Great Barrow will play host to the first annual Wight of the Year award ceremony sponsored by The Downer newspaper.
It works like this:
There are four categories, and five nominees in each category. It's up to you to vote for your favourite Wight.

1st Category: Award for great writing in an RPG
2nd Category: Award for outstanding achievement in Quiz games
3rd Category: Award for great comedy writing
4th category: Award for outstanding writing in a discussion

Culminating in the final award:

Wight of the Year.

For the 4 categories, people can nominate any Wight, (Someone nominates, another will second) as soon as we have five for each category we will precede to voting. So, you'd better be quick.
Post should be like this:

*Any 'Downer' Business*

Oh, and I nominate ____ for the Award for ____

The Award for Wight of the Year will go to anyone (excluding myself as I am hosting the show) in the top 10 Wights as listed by reputation. So when voting remeber to vote for anyone of them.

Don't let your favourite Wight lose out! Get those nominations in!
When the nominations are in, send your votes to me.

PM votes will look like this (hopefully).

I vote for
___ in the 1st category
___ in the 2nd
___ in the 3rd
___ in the 4th
and
___ for Wight of the Year.


Oh, and you can’t nominate or vote for yourself.

[Glirdan]

For the 1st Category, I nominate Kath for the best writing in an RPG.

For the 2nd Category, I nominate Rune Son of Bjarne for outstanding achievement in Quiz games.

For the 3rd Category, I nominate Hookbill the Goomba for great comedy writing.

Now, I must ask, why are you limiting the Wight of the Year Award to just the top 10 under the Reputation? As I see it, there could be a few others who deserve who aren't in that category. But it really depends on what you're looking for for the Wight of the Year now doesn't it? So, what is it that you're looking for? For like the other categories, there must be something specific you're looking for in the winner.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Now, I must ask, why are you limiting the Wight of the Year Award to just the top 10 under the Reputation?

Good point. My original plan was that, but my brother told me it would be chaos. But I say lets go ahead.

Nominate anyone for the WotY.

[Brinniel]

I nominate Durelin for great writing in an RPG. Really, from what I've seen in The Fellowship of the Fourth Age: A New Beginning (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showthread.php?t=12961), she's outstanding. I'm glad to be RPGing with her. :cool:

[The Only Real Estel]

I would definitly second Glirdan's nomination of Hookbill for the 3rd category, but if he's outlawed himself against winning then what's the point? :confused:

[Glirdan]

Good point. My original plan was that, but my brother told me it would be chaos. But I say lets go ahead.

Nominate anyone for the WotY.

My thanks to you boss. :rolleyes:

I nominate piosenniel for Wight of the Year. The RPG moderators really do deserve more recongnition.

And I also nominate davem for the Award for outstanding writing in a discussion. He always seems to have a good response along with a little sarcasm in it.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/New.jpg It's like Olds, but NEW!

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/Week009.jpg

This week, the second story is written by Rune!

Also, Antarctica's third favourite comedy duo...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA007.jpg

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

The story behind that article is that I was in Finland this summer and met Spawn and Lommy. . . We talked about Hookbill's paper and I for one was keen on writting an article about our meeting to it.

Before we said our farewells, we got our picture taken and in this one we all loked weird/tired and that createt the idea of us getting a sleeping disorder.

[Gil-Galad]

Where is the full picture??

[Glirdan]

ME-Idol's Wilwa Abdul Speaks Up!
By Glirdan Tirithedain

This weak, I was able to catch up with the lovel Wilwa Abdul on her thoughts about ME-Idol.

Glirdan - Ms. Abdul? Ms. Abdul!?

Wilwa - Please, call me Wilwa.

G - Okay, thank you Ms.- I mean Wilwa. Do you think I could ask you a few questions about Middle-Earth Idol?

W - I would be delighted.

G - Thank you! My first question. What is it like working with Glirdy Jackson and Sleepy Cowell?

W - Glirdy is a real cool guy, lots of fun to work with. Sleepy is rather rude sometimes, he makes untrue jokes about me, he rarely agrees with me, he looks through my underwear drawer, and he's just an all around jerk, but once you get past all that, he's a delight to work with. *puts on fakish looking smile*

G - Oh I can imagine. Just seeing him on the show I get the imperssion of how rude he is! But it still must be wonderful to work with someone as experienced as him. But what do you think of Vala Seacrest?

W - Vala is wonderful! She's a great gal, and I love working with her. She also has great taste in fashion, which I really admire in a person

G - How do you think the competition is going so far?

W - I think the competition is going very well. There haven't been any injories, large explosions, deadly virus outbreaks or llama stampedes so I think everything is going great.

G - Do you have a favorite to win?

W - I can't possibly choose. All of the remaining contestants are very talented and whoever wins will have deserved it and I'll be very happy for them.

G - Very true. Would you return if ME Idol continued into a Season two?

W - I'm not sure if I would. With me returning to school I doubt my scheduel would permit it. But if ME Idol does go into a season 2 I will definetely be a voter and I will be keeping track of everything that happens.

G - I see. As for my last question, I heard that you have a drinking problem. Is this true?

W - Uh......no....where on earth did you hear such a thing?!? *glares at Sleepy Cowell* Of course I don't *hick* have a drinking problem.

With that inter view over, I shall be moving onto my next judge, and probably the coolest of the three. So watch out for my next article on the judges. But a little closer to today, watch for my weekly interview with the Middle-Earth Idol Evictee.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Where is the full picture??

Look here (http://i90.photobucket.com/albums/k267/runesf/IMG_0635.jpg) for the un-edited version of Rune's lovely picture of Doom.

I thought this weeks Phantom and alien was a bit Risky, but no one has complained yet... Now, anyone want to guess how long Alien has left to live? :D

[Meneltarmacil]

Now, anyone want to guess how long Alien has left to live?
About 1/1000th of a nanosecond, given the phantom's unstoppableness. (Is that actually a word?) At least Death's right there for him if that happens.

[Gil-Galad]

i'm stil lwaiting for my guest spot in it...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

i'm stil lwaiting for my guest spot in it...

Here you go, Gil. A special tile just for thee. :p

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandAGil.jpg

[Thinlómien]

Though really the text below should say "Spawn, Thinlómien and Rune" in that order to avoid confusion. :)

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Though really the text below should say "Spawn, Thinlómien and Rune" in that order to avoid confusion. :)

Yeah I noticed that. . .

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Though really the text below should say "Spawn, Thinlómien and Rune" in that order to avoid confusion. :)

Yes it should. Sorry about that, folks.

If anyone else would like an article of their own on the front page, just P-M me with it and I'll see what I can do. Please note, I like to have a few weeks done in advance, so it may take a while for it to go up. (Rune wrote his about 4 weeks ago).

Anyway… Here is a little puzzle for the Children… Help old Sauron find what he most truly desires in his heart…

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Sorry for double post...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/Week010.jpg

Also, in the words of Oscar Wild:
"There are three types of lies; Lies, Damn lies and made up Oscar Wild quotes."
Without further ado... Sauron's one-hundredth favourite comedy duo...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA008.jpg

[Lalwendë]

Anyway… Here is a little puzzle for the Children… Help old Sauron find what he most truly desires in his heart…

That puzzle's just taken me back to when I was about eight years old and they had those things on the back of Shreddies packets and my dad used to plonk it on the breakfast table to distract me and shut me up when I was pestering him with questions like "Why does the Sun only go one way aorund the sky?" or "Why doesn't rain ever go upwards?". The puzzles kept me quiet for hours but I sometimes blame my short sight on them. ;)

[Glirdan]

An Interivew with a Cir Twin - An Inside Story
By Rocky Road

I was able to catch up with one of the infamous Cir (played by Kath) twins from the Golden Perch Inn. Here's what she had to say.

RR - Excuse me! Cir?

C - Yes? What would you like?

RR - I was wondering if you would have a problem with answering a few questions for me?

C - Not a problem. Fire away!

RR - Thank you! What's it like having a younger twin brother?

C - Oh it's fun! Well, usually. The relationship between siblings is always a bit tense at times but Cir and I are very close which helps us get on pretty well together. Also, since I'm older I do get to be in charge, and it's very useful having control!

RR - I see. What is it that made your parents send you away to live with your Aunt Mithalwen?

C - Cir and I aren't always the best behaved of people. It isn't that we mean harm, it's just that sometimes it gets caused without us realising it. We enjoy playing jokes and having fun, but sometimes others don't appreciate that as much as we do. I think we've been sent partly to try and calm us down and teach us the ways of the world, and partly so that those in Rivendell can have a rest from us.

RR - What was it like living in Rivendell?

C - Mostly good but like I said there are some people who can't really take a joke. We have a lot of freedom there though, and there is always something going on. We see all manner of people pass through and hear a lot about foreign places and what is going on in them, and there is almost always music and dancing. It's a good place to live.

RR - What (in your point of view) are your parents like?

C - They're wonderful, but worn out. It's our fault really, we keep playing up and they have to keep sorting it out. We would sort it out ourselves if they'd let us, but I think they feel we'd just make an even bigger mess. But both of them are kind and loving and infinitely patient. Well, almost.

RR - They sound like wonderful parents. And finally, which musical instrument do you enjoy playing the most?

C - The flute. You can create such beautiful sounds with a flute, whether you want a happy little tune that you can dance to or a mournful melody. The only downside is that you can't sing while you play it!

I hope you enjoyed this exclusive, once in a life time interview with one of the Golden Perch stars. Watch out next week for my next interview!

[THE Ka]

"There are three types of lies; Lies, Damn lies and made up Oscar Wilde quotes."

Oh holy Oscar, Robbie and Bosie yes! :rolleyes:

It may be a good game, but everytime you make up a Wilde quote, an inner Aesthete dies... and there are not many left of us anyways. :p


~ Aesthetically Oscilating Wildly Ka

[Hookbill the Goomba]

It's time for a new weekly slot, 'Cooking with Mrs. Miggins'.
This week, 'Cookery for Kids'

Cookery can be lots of fun for boys and girls, but bear in mind this handy advice:
- Get a grown-up to help you
- Start with a few simple recipes
- Don’t make apple pie and then push it through Mr T’s letterbox.

Priceless advice as always, Mrs. M

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Cheif of Police retires.
By Chris Pritchard.

After a long and bright career, Police chief Davem of the yard has stepped down as head of New Down-land Yard. He began his days as a low ranking PC but slowly built his way up (and down) before gaining high reputation amongst all the Barrow Downers, minting a spot just below his wife, Lalwendë for many years.
The news came as a shock to many Downers as the Legend made a statement earlier today, saying, "I'm just going outside. I may be sometime."

He has been widely regarded as one of the chief non-mod members of the Barrow Downs for a good while now and his resignation is a real blow. Many members such as MP narfforc MP have offered condolences and have said that he will be missed.

The Wight has also been known for his acting, his massively popular one-man show 'The search for the Legendarium' grossed over £100,000 in the last few weeks. A hard blow for the Downs, indeed. Although he was not popular with everyone and had his fair share of arguments and bickerings, it is but a small blotch on an otherwise superb record.

[Please note: Future weeks of The Downer will still mention him because I wrote them three weeks in advance before this news came out... so... ignore it].

[Mithalwen]

Well I doubt he will be actually written out of history a la Trotsky ...too Orwellian... I hope...

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

well Nilp, Denmark is not on the Scandinavian peninsula either. . . (not anymore anyway)

Denmark, Norway and Sweden are what is normaly considerd Scandinavian, but sometimes Finland, Iceland and the Faeroe Islands are included.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Phantom.jpg + http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Alien.jpg = DOOM!

Has anyone else noticed how suspiciously similar to Meneltarmacil's avatar Alien is?

Maybe they know each other... let's find out...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandAMental.jpg

[Meneltarmacil]

I had actually noticed that before. Nice! :D

(I wonder who's going to guest-star next...)

[Glirdan]

Recent Evictee of Middle-Earth Idol
By Glirdan Tirithedain

I was able to catch up with Middl-Earth Idol's recent evictee, Celuien. Here's what she had to say.

Originally Posted by Glirdan
Well, here are you're questions for the interview.

G - Excuse me! Celuien? Could I have a word?

C - Yes, yes you may.

G - Thank you. How was your experience on Middle-Earth Idol?

C - Quite confusing, since I participated along with a mysteriously appearing anakronism from Mordor who also posted under my name. I never knew which one of us was around until she disappeared a few weeks ago. Plus, I never expected to make it past round one. Neither Panakeia nor I have an extensive knowledge of non-classical music. Still, it was fun while it lasted.

G - What do you think of the judge's?

C - Great job! The judges were fair and helpful, though Mr. Cowell's constant Karaoke references grew trying after a while.

G - What do you think of the competition?

C - Very fun, and very intense. All of the competitors have been wonderful and shown great ability in all of the rounds. It was great to sing with them!

G - Who do you think is going to win the competition?

C - Anyone of the remaining contestants could easily take the title, but I think LMP might pull off the win.

G - Are you going to continue with your singing after this?

C - Only for an audience of skwerlz.

G - Thank you for your time.

C - No problem.

Stay tuned next week as I manage to catch up with the next judge (me!) and evictee.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/Week011.jpg

Please note: When I made this (about three weeks ago), I had no idea it would be going out on September 11th. So, there was no intention there. It is a pure co-incidence. I had a little crisis of conscience this morning, wondering weather to post this. I've decided to go ahead.

Without further Ado, here is everyone’s 912th favourite comedy duo:


http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA009.jpg

[Valesse]

Something for the funnys:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v222/Valesse/maps/Downs1.jpg

(** While posting this I noticed something that looks rather insulting, but I assure you it is unintentional. Sorry #4. You know who you are.)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/Week012.jpg

And, for another week, the outer hebridies nine thousandth favorite comedy duo:

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA010.jpg

Editor's note:

The Downer wishes to remind it's readers that we in no way condone violence towards Dogs, cats and any small fury animas, except chat squirrels. It is an essential part of the plot that will become apparent next week. So, look forward to something interesting.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The Downer would like to apologise for the lack of inside stories last week. Due to a printing error, the last issue was full of water.

Letters to the Editor
II

Dear sir,

I think your newspaper is vile! I wouldn't buy it if you paid me! Your stories are nonsensical and downright false! Your comics are setting a bad example for children and your outrageous price tag makes me sick!

Yours etcetera, etcetera,

Mr. R.B. Arebe.

Dear Mr. Arebe.

You stink.

Dear Sir,

My son loves The Phantom and Alien, but he would like to know why The Phantom doesn’t just kill Alien!

Yours in haste,

Tony Hash with an Iron Moutache.

Dear Mr Hash,

All will become clear eventually. I hope.

Dear Mr. Editor,

Your report last month about the Barrow Wight being sued was utter nonsense. I, I mean he, did not get sued by anyone. So just stop it!

Yours etcetera,

B. Wightington

Dear sir,

No.

[Volo]

After a long day traveling way north with his dear enemy, a barrow-downer had been violently murdered! He was walking to the music-station to put on something nice when suddenly an innocent looking backstabber attacked him. In the evening on the 24th of September the member Volo was cut down and killed by a penguin (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=395). It wasn't the first time that Volo was fighting for his life against animals, but this was certaintly the most tragic attack ever. As he himself comments: "It was really uncomfortable to have a katana thrust through you, I was really angry with the whole mess!". The police suspects that this was done for the sake of revenge and the penguin was brainwashed by a real mastermind. The penguin was taken to a questioning. In the middle of the hearing the lights suddenly went out. When a new bulb was attached the police noticed that the penguin was gone. Later the same evening the same penguin was found murdered, by drowning (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=396). Clearly somebody got rid of a witness. All clues are to be left in the Which Downer Am I! -thread!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

With every new week, there is new News in the new Newspaper...

Week 13 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/Week013.jpg) Linked to save on loading time.


And who could forget the barely anticipated and much lamented new episode of The Phantom and Alien...

P and A episode 11 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA011.jpg)

[Thinlómien]

Volo, your links don't work.

And penguins don't murder people!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

If you cannot see Volo's links, I'll put them here for ye to see! :)

[Thinlómien]

Thanks, Hookbill. :)

Those are horrible! Volo, I seriously consider neg-repping you...! :eek: ;)

[Volo]

Wasn't that the whole idea? :p;)

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

On a more positive note, the recent space-time anomalies have enabled me to escape from an eccentric temporal loop in which I had been trapped for some eight millennia. Fortunately my absence would appear to have been somewhat shorter in real time. If I seem oddly changed, it's because eight-thousand years of reading the last sentence of next week's Hansard is a more than usually life-changing experience. Public Order (Rudeness to Budgerigars) Act indeed!

p.s. Those letters to the editor are obvious fabrications. I am disgusted that they weren't properly disguised as real letters according to standard editorial practice.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

p.s. Those letters to the editor are obvious fabrications. I am disgusted that they weren't properly disguised as real letters according to standard editorial practice.

Yes, well, I couldn't publish the real letters. The Barrow Downs and The Downer has strict rules about swearing and bad language. :p

But anyway, here is some Downer Merchendise.

[Kuruharan]

And penguins don't murder people!

Ha! A likely story, just what subversive elements in our society would like us to think! Then WHAMMO!!!

I personally find it much more unlikely that a penguin would die by drowning.

Strapping dynamite to its flippers would have been more appropriate...and gory... :D

[Brinniel]

I am thoroughly frightened! Penguins have lived in my dorm as long as I have. And all seemed well until I read Volo's story. Ever since, I've noticed the penguins following me wherever I go, giving me these creepy looks.... :eek:

Take a look for yourself. I swear I'm not imagining it!

[Thinlómien]

I personally find it much more unlikely that a penguin would die by drowning. Well, that too. That picture was especially horrible.

Strapping dynamite to its flippers would have been more appropriate...and gory... :DThat's cruel! The Penguin Rights Watch protests!

*makes banners*

SAVE INNOCENT PENGUINS FROM WRONGFUL ACCUSATIONS!

PENGUINS DON'T DESERVE DEATH BY DROWNING OR BY DYNAMITE!

STOP VIOLENCE AGAINST PENGUINS!

:p

[Volo]

I bet YOU sent the penguin to assassinate me! :p But no, you wouldn't have killed it... :rolleyes: Hmm... The case is still open.

Brinniel, that is frightening, we must stop the evil penguin mastermind! Lommy, help us and justice will be back and everybody (the, also the penguins) will live (or unlive) happily ever after.

[Thinlómien]

By Grise Echo

The murders of a 'downer and a penguin (who is suspected to have commited the murder) are about to be solved. The Central Wight Police (CWP) has made an order to arrest a maia spirit that lives in the seas near Helcaraxë.

The maia, who remains anonymous, is previously suspected of capturing Elenwë, wife to Turgon of Gondolin, and the murders of five noldorin Elves of her household, including Turgon's nephew.

[Kuruharan]

That's cruel!

Perhaps you're right. A simple hanging would have been as effective and less costly.

STOP VIOLENCE AGAINST PENGUINS!

-and-

The maia, who remains anonymous, is previously suspected of capturing Elenwë, wife to Turgon of Gondolin, and the murders of five noldorin Elves of her household, including Turgon's nephew.

*looks around carefully to see if any of the feathered fiends are in sight*

I have it on good authority that a certain Dark Power is actually attempting to replace orcs with penguins. It is a little known fact (that has hitherto gone unreported in the biased media) that the area where these poor innocent Elves (can you believe I just said that :eek: ) disappeared were awash in feathers!

There was a certain O. C. Cobblepot who was investigating these developments, but he ended up glued to the hull of the Titanic. Clearly he was getting on to something.

We can no more stop violence against penguins than we could against orcs.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

All right, I think the Penguin discussion has reached a conclusion. I hear the snuffling of Chat Squirrels at the door. So, drop the subject and go home. But no one goes home empty handed! You each receive a Special Barrow Downs Hat!

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/Hato.jpg

[Gothmog]

Sorry to intrude on this newspaper’s site, but I found some disturbing posters when cleaning a chamber in one of the barrows furthest away from here. I thought it would be best to let this come to Hookbills, and all you other downers, attention as soon as possible. This was what the posters said:

OUTRAGEOUS!
Listen up all ghosts, ghouls, ghasts, zombies, wights, demons and other undead horrors of the downs! It’s time for someone to take actions against this new tool for the leaders to manipulate us, this newspaper, this “The Downer”. It’s an obvious fraud! I can’t believe they dare to call it newspaper, it’s neither news nor written on paper! It should be called “old-made-up-writing-in-digital-form” or something! Fabricated tales, probably a product of some sick governement employee that tries to promote their dear “wight”. I’ve already sent some agents, loyal to our cause, to sabotage The Downer. Unfortunely, one of the black and white, beaked, small bird agents was exposed and had to get rid of the witness. Pity we had to get rid of him soon after...

Now we need YOU, volunteers that can help us stop this horrible abomination called newspaper! Everyone is welcome in our organisation of resistance! Let’s fight back NOW before it’s too late!

And it was signed “Ed Red the Dead Dread”. Now that explains a thing or two! I must get back and clean the chambers, you wouldn’t believe how much dust that accumulates over 3,000 years! I’ll leave the poster here with you so you can decide what to do about it. See you later!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Thanks for bringing this to our attention, Goth-o.

The Downer wishes to reassure it's readers that these claims are as false as the stories in our Paper.

Hope that clears things up for you all.

Anyway...

Culture Section:

Films...

The Best film you can expect to see this week is defiantly 'A Genuine Fairy Story' from the Director of such classics as; 'The Yule Log', 'Shadow of the West', and the controversial 'Power to the People'. Here the infamous Lalwende and the rest of the crew are caught up in a whirlwind of adventure and discovery. Wild fantasy mixed with in-depth intellectual debate. A great film all round.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/AGenuineFairyStory.jpg

Plays:

The only play making a stir at the moment is Mithalwen's Flying Circus. It had been called inappropriate due to the fact that several members of the audience have mysteriously disappeared under mysterious circumstances that have caused mystery to surround the mysterious play.

[Lalwendë]

Ha-wey! Glad to see me mad ruminations on Faerie have inspired some Art. I blame those pixies I let into the house. I get the feeling this is not a Blockbuster of the Bruce-Willis-In-Sweaty-Eyuw-Vest type, more of an Ingmar Bergman where when you've watched it you go "Eh?" and have to have a lie down for a bit. :D

Stop the press! Mithalwen's Flying Circus are in the process of making a new film which might stir up some controversy and attract X certificate ratings (and maybe even those little Red triangles you used to get on naughty Channel 4 films in the 80s, which were a good indicator of a quality watch to any home alone teenager). The new film will be The Life of Davem, featuring such funny and infinitely quotable lines as "He's not the messiah, he's a vewy naughty boy!" and the future hit song "Always Look On The Bright Side of Death". This will be followed up with another Hit Film with the working title "And Now For Something Not Entirely Different".

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Another week, another beak!

This week with a special report by Glirdan! :smokin:

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/Week014.jpg

And who could forget that wonderful duo! This week with a special guest star! :eek:

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA012.jpg

[Mithalwen]

The only play making a stir at the moment is Mithalwen's Flying Circus. .

"NOBODY expects the Wightish Inquisition!
Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise....
Our two weapons are fear and surprise... and ruthless efficiency....
Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...
and an almost fanatical devotion to the Barrow Wight....
Our four... no...
Amongst our weapons... Amongst our weaponry...
are such elements as fear, surprise...
I'll come in again. "

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Films update:

This week at your local Barrow Film place, you can catch the new Film adaptation of The Downer's own 'Phantom and Alien'. It is a terrible film! Truly! As bad as the mini comic series is, this is ten times worse! The jokes are predictable and not funny, the acting is shabby and the computer graphics look like they were done on Power Point.

Seriously, folks, leave it out of our plans.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PVA.jpg

[Bêthberry]

Thanks for bringing this to our attention, Goth-o.

The Downer wishes to reassure it's readers that these claims are as false as the stories in our Paper.

Hope that clears things up for you all.

Anyway...

Culture Section:

Films...

The Best film you can expect to see this week is defiantly 'A Genuine Fairy Story' from the Director of such classics as; 'The Yule Log', 'Shadow of the West', and the controversial 'Power to the People'. Here the infamous Lalwende and the rest of the crew are caught up in a whirlwind of adventure and discovery. Wild fantasy mixed with in-depth intellectual debate. A great film all round.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/AGenuineFairyStory.jpg



Well, now, do you think this will make an appearance at next year's Toronto International Film Festival? Or Cannes?

I can't tell you Hookbill how hard it was getting the cast to remember their lines! They kept wanting to ad lib, so finally I just let them. :D ;)

[Glirdan]

Oh, just to let you all know the interview done by Scary Gary was written by yours truly. :D

[the phantom]

"Alien versus Phantom", eh? Following the "Alien versus Predator" format, I suppose? I guess that means we both die. How sad.

Just promise me this, HB- let me die with a black cloak on my back, a beautiful girl on my arm, and an arrogant statement on my tongue. That's all I ask.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Ah, Mr Phantom, I was wondering when you might show up here. I do hope you are not insulted by any of the comic strips that you have been included in. :D

If nothing else, you'll get some royalties from it.

[JennyHallu]

hehehe...that seems a quite substantial phantom you have there, Hookbill. The 'Meat and Potatoes' Diet seems to be getting to him.

[The Only Real Estel]

Just promise me this, HB- let me die with a black cloak on my back, a beautiful girl on my arm, and an arrogant statement on my tongue. That's all I ask.

Oh that's all, eh? :p

And to think that I only wanted to die after the last villager... ;) :D

[the phantom]

And to think that I only wanted to die after the last villager...
Come now- the goal should be not to die at all.
that seems a quite substantial phantom you have there, Hookbill
Yes, yes, I noticed that too. I'm not sure why that is. I look a bit... pregnant. But as I am a male, you should certainly not assume or presume that the extra volume of my costume is due to a womb. Perhaps I consumed a room full of shrooms or legumes?

[mormegil]

http://forum.barrowdowns.com/images/chatskwerl.jpg

Let's watch the chat on this thread. I've deleted a couple posts in the past because it was too chatty and I'd like to avoid that in the future.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Wow. The Downer has now been going on for 15 weeks! That's a long time!

This week, Volo has written a stroy for us. Unfortunatly, for some reason, this issue has been corupted when it was uploaded. I've tries several times to fix it, but this is as good as it could get (belive me, it used to be worse).

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/Week015.jpg

And now... the moment you've all been not waiting for. With another Special guest... The Phantom and Alien Episode 13...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA013.jpg

[Volo]

Poor Rune... :( And I so hoped that he'd hunt Alien down. (good one :D)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Poor Rune... :( And I so hoped that he'd hunt Alien down. (good one)

Alien really is a little Yit isn't he? :D
Hope he gets Rugged.

There are going to be a few more star guests in upcoming episodes. So watch out for your favorite Downers having unfortunate encounters with Alien. :smokin:

[Volo]

If not for the "You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Hookbill the Goomba again.", you would get reputation twice from me today. I rarelly laugh to somebody else's jokes :rolleyes:, but that was wonderfull! :D

EDIT: Well, thankee O Hookbillo!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Minimum blurring today, I think. Sorry Valesse, it had to be reported:

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/Week016.jpg

And, who could forget, the best Newspaper Comedy Duo since 1416...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA014.jpg

Watch out next week for a guest appearance from The Saucepan Man!

Also, if you are sending a story for the Front Page, please keep it to about 100 words, so that I can fit it on without having to cut it down or mess around with the format too much.

[Valesse]

Haha, excellent! I especially enjoyed the part about me riding pedestrians... woo...

But for the sake of answering your 'question':
So just what is the Barrow youth's obession with speed? It's fast.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Haha, excellent! I especially enjoyed the part about me riding pedestrians... woo...

Glad you're not insulted, Val. I only picked you because you had the most 'look drunk' picture on the Down's Photo Page. :p
Also, I'm trying to avoid re-using certain Downers just in case they leave / are banned (as was the case with poor Dave :( Lal is going to have to police the downs by herself now).

With The Saucepan Man's cameo in P&A coming up... Anyone want to see the concept art? :D

[Anguirel]

"Certain Downers"?

Enigmatic and threatening...

[Meneltarmacil]

*Meneltarmacil walks in covered in ashes and smoldering microwave parts*

Is there a doctor in the house?

Anyhow, I'm looking forward to seeing Saucepan's cameo appearance. Nice job, Hookbill!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Curent affairs

The Barrow Downs suffered some technical problems Yesterday and early today. What was the cause? Experts say a minor technical fault, but we think we know the real explanation...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandAspecial.jpg

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Well, with another great week just around the corner, I thought I'd better make a few* announcements.
I'm at university studying Imaginative Writing and for one of my modules, I have to write a screen play about anything. I've begun work on a screen play based on The Phantom and Alien.
So... here it is, tell me what you think...

I know it's riddled with spelling and grammar errors... but try and ignore those... :(

* I say 'a few', I, of course, mean one.

[Morai]

I have to write a screen play about anything. I've begun work on a screen play based on The Phantom and Alien.

My, I say it's your best work yet. But maybe that's just because of the lightbulbs, they're quite tasty. ;)

[Rikae]

Truly brilliant, Goomba.

[Brinniel]

Truly brilliant, Goomba.
Agreed.

Say...can I have your autograph when you're rich and famous? :p

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Say...can I have your autograph when you're rich and famous? :p

Rich AND famous? I don't know. I might one day be rich, or maybe famous... but both? I don't know about that...

Anyway, hello once again.
I think that Photobucket hates my newspaper, it keeps blurring them slightly... I think they're still readable but not as good as they could be. They're also too big to be attachments...
But here is Week 17... Dead Good.

http://i14.tinypic.com/44vv9tz.jpg

And now... Two folks who need no introduction...

...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA015.jpg

[THE Ka]

Ha, it seems Alien had too much candy corn... :p

I think that Photobucket hates my newspaper, it keeps blurring them slightly...

Have you tried tinypic? I've used it on a few documents and it doesn't blur them, though, tinypic doesn't really allow you to re-look up your images, unless you save it's number and link. Oh, and the name has nothing to do with 'tiny' or 'small tiny things only', it does a rather nice job with large ones. :rolleyes: I don't know why they named it that, but oh well.

~ Ka

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Have you tried tinypic? I've used it on a few documents and it doesn't blur them, though, tinypic doesn't really allow you to re-look up your images, unless you save it's number and link. Oh, and the name has nothing to do with 'tiny' or 'small tiny things only', it does a rather nice job with large ones. :rolleyes: I don't know why they named it that, but oh well.

Good thinkin' Ka. I've just done that and the blurring is gone! Gone, gone! We are free! :D

Let's just hope The Saucepan man doesnt hate me for this weeks P&A... :(

[Lalwendë]

Loving the cameo appearance of one of my fave bands - The Pixies. :cool:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Culture:

Films...

Once again we delve into the unfathomable depths of insanity and cross the boarder into Mordor! Yes, that's right folks, Assigned to Mordor is back and this time it's bigger, longer, and more controversial than ever! Fea's take on the fascinating story of a group of diplomats, wizards and assorted busy bodies (including a Blarog wearing a tie) is an interesting one. If it weren't for the character of a stupid little Dwarf, it'd be a good show.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/ATM2.jpg

[Celuien]

I'm really not stealing anything out of Anguirel's pocketses. I promise. The rumors are a complete falsehood. :D

[THE Ka]

Good thinkin' Ka.

No problem, photobucket used to make me really annoyed and then accuse my artwork for being rubbish. Obviously, photobucket had to go... ;)

~ Ka

[Glirdan]

I'm really not stealing anything out of Anguirel's pocketses. I promise. The rumors are a complete falsehood.

Subliminal messaging hey? ;)

[Celuien]

Subliminal messaging hey?
Do I subliminally message people? ;)

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

No wonder that hangover was bad; I don't remember any of that! ;)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Hay, Eomer, it was only after writing that headline that I realised that Porridge is supposed to be the Scottish national breakfast. Weird!

Anyway, folks. It's time for the big vote! Who do you want to win in a fight between The Phantom and Alien? Not who would win, but who do you want to win.

VOTE ON THE POLL (http://www.misterpoll.com/608000936.html)

In other news, with Christmas just around the corner, The Downer is looking for more journalists to write some articles for the front page as Hookbill the Goomba becomes more pressed for time.
If you have a story, PM it to me. Try and keep it between 100 - 150 words long or I may have to edit it down a tad.
Thanks folks!

Also, it has come to the attension of The Downer that a rival Newspaper has come on the scene. The Editor would like to remind readers of The Downer that tabloyd newspapers very rarely give you the truth, as our paper does. In face, if you look at the front page of this weeks 'The Barrow' you will see what I mean.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Tabloidlol.jpg

I expect it to go down the pan very quickly.

[Volo]

Good stuff Hookbill, just like always! :D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The grey rain curtain of last week is pulled away and then, you see it! The next week, with all of it's specialties and whatnot!

http://i13.tinypic.com/4025dh2.jpg

And, who could forget, the comedy duo of the year! Well, sort of.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA016.jpg

[High King Fingolfin]

Ahh, the diagram brings up bad memories of science class last year. :(

[Valesse]

Something for the Sudoku page:


The Top Posters:
http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c185/ArdaSports/Downs2.jpg

[Gil-Galad]

Something for the Sudoku page:


The Top Posters:
http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c185/ArdaSports/Downs2.jpg

i found my name already... 10th line from the top

[The Elf-warrior]

Prime Minister Sued for Funeral Remarks!

by Elf-Warriorus Diminutus

The family of the late Member of Parliment Jahn Blacc has finally filed suit against Prime Minister Titus Decius for shouting, "This is boring!" during the MP's funeral and then walking out and making nasty faces at the TV cameras. An overnight Downer/BBC/Barrow poll said 31% to 30% that the lawsuit was frivolous with 39% saying they either had no opinion or were undecided. The suit alleged that this conduct caused extreme emotional distress, which allegedly caused the MP's sister, Mary Muttler's angina to act up. Decius has refused to apologize and denies causing any physical distress. "Since when did we all turn into babies," the Prime Minister asked at a press conference. He also said he would never stop being obnoxious in the cause of truth. "This conduct goes against all the strictures of our society," Judith Blacc, the late MP's wife, said in a press release. "It goes against civility, decency, fairness, and bipartisanship. We hope the court grants our humble petition."

[Hookbill the Goomba]

It's that time once more... So without further ado...

http://i13.tinypic.com/2uzp9hw.jpg

But what's more, a special guest appearence from Diamond18. I ased her look on her old Daffy Duck avartar (because I'm no good at drawing people and I didn't want anyone to notice). I made a few modifications to make her look more unique and that... So yes.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA017.jpg

[THE Ka]

"... The Ka celebrates 100th birthday this wednesday."

It's true, I like the challenge of youth. :p

Thank you for showing, I've always wanted to know what it would be like to share a spotlight with a crazed gandalf, and other noted varieties of eccentricies. I'm honored.


~ Ka

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I hope you won't be offended when I say that I only mention birthdays in the paper when I'm really stuck for ideas. :p
All the same, I hope it brightens some days when I do. :smokin:

Anyway, some of you may have read my script for a Phantom and Alien screen play. Well, I've made some adjustments, actually put a story line in and added a few extra things. It's in a completely different order to the first one, so enjoy!

It usually helps to just say 'open' rather than 'save' if you are asked. Unless you want my rubbish in your computer.

[Farael]

The Scientific Downer:Your best source of scientertainment

So, here’s the situation. There has been much discussion and positioning and arguing and fighting and yada yada about The Rings Of Power. Yeah, they look good… yeah, they do give you super-human(or elven, or maiar, or dwarven) powers but… what are they made of?

Thanks to the advances in technology we have been able to run a series of tests with some amazing results.

The One Ring
Obviously, the first step in analyzing just about anything is, well, getting it. We talked to the elves but they kept on their secretive ways. We talked to the dwarves and all we achieved was to be chased out of Moria by a Balrog. On second thought, maybe those creatures were a bit too ugly, even for dwarves. We were a little frustrated, and just then the unlikeliest of things happened. A Halfling came knocking at my door with THE Ring of power. No, wait, that’s inaccurate. I knocked a Halfling out and took him through my door. Well, the point is, he had THE Ring of power, and I stole it. Then I replaced it with a similar looking ring that had belonged to some ill-fated Dunedain of the north. Poor little guy, I think he went all the way to Mordor to destroy it. And Sauron DID perish. Talk about placebo effect.

So, we had this ring in our possession and decided to run some tests. With the help of Alatar BSc MSc and Lhunadarwen BSc, I Farael BSc MSc PhD AbC, ZYX, LON, GDESI, GNATION, have done extensive research in the matter of this ring of power.

First we compared it’s melting temperature to that of the most common gold alloys. It didn’t melt, thus we assume it is Not made of gold.

Then we proceeded to compare it’s melting temperature to that of higher melting compounds, such as plutonium, uranium and my favourite, ununoctium. The ring, again, did not melt, thus we concluded that it is not made of any known metal. By the way, the third barrow off of Downers Street North at Ringbearer Ave. is now radioactive. Precautions should be taken when walking in the vicinity.

After proving the One ring is not made of metal, the next logical assumption was to test to see if it was a non-metal. We tried dissolving it in both polar and non polar solvents, we tried combining it with other non-metals and their Ions and finally we tried smashing it, stepping on it, biting it and throwing it against the walls of my barrow. The last few methods were not scientifically motivated, but we were rather frustrated.

After exhausting all our ideas, it was Lhuna who proposed we run the Ring through a gas-chromatograph. I must say I laughed at her, if we cannot melt it, how could it be a gas? But using her powers of persuasion she convinced me to try.

Well, guess what happened? If you are expecting me to say that it worked, you really are a “the glass is half-full” kind of person. No, it didn’t work, but it lead Alatar to make the following, reasonable conclusion.

Since the Ring is not made of gold, or any other metal or alloy, it is not a non-metal nor a gas, we conclude that, in spite of evidence pointing in the contrary, the Ring does not exist at all

Thus, you all need no longer concern yourselves with such trivial matters. As for that little gold band that we now know does not exist, even though I have it in my pocket, I shall keep it. After all, it came to me… it’s mine… My Precioussss…..


Farael, of the many designations

[Lalwendë]

I'm a Detective Inspector now! Oooh!

I think Helen Mirren can consider her days as TV's most famous DI numbered as DI Lalwende prepares to take the lead in Prime Suspect 157. :cool:

[Glirdan]

I am so ashamed!! I turned to drink and let a fellow B-Der be condemed to jail!! What have I done!? Oh! That's right! I put a murderer in jail!! Maybe I'll stick to drinking!! :D :p

Nice story Hook!

[Mithalwen]

Maybe that expalins why I was not interviewed on my departure from ME idol.... :p

[The Only Real Estel]

All I can say is that's the last time I'll rely on you Glirdy... ;) (& not just cause I'll be locked up for the rest of my life either)

[THE Ka]

I hope you won't be offended when I say that I only mention birthdays in the paper when I'm really stuck for ideas.

No worries. Most of my friends forgot my birthday today anyways. It is what happens when you share a day with post-mid-term election craze, a solar eclipse, and berlin wall memorials.
It is just nice to have a hello and such on your birthday.

~ Ka

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I think Helen Mirren can consider her days as TV's most famous DI numbered as DI Lalwende prepares to take the lead in Prime Suspect 157.

As long as you remain in that rank. :p

It was interesting that when I handed in that draft of P&A, my lecturer read it and, after some snickering, told me, "I like this Phantom guy. He seems like a nice chap." Oh, if only he knew! ;)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Monday brings another edition of The Downer. And, seeing as it is Monday, I thought that I'd do just that.

http://i13.tinypic.com/4dczl0y.jpg

And, of course, the increasingly unpopular...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA018.jpg

[alatar]

No, it didn’t work, but it lead Alatar to make the following, reasonable conclusion.

Since the Ring is not made of gold, or any other metal or alloy, it is not a non-metal nor a gas, we conclude that, in spite of evidence pointing in the contrary, the Ring does not exist at all.
Farael, I think that you may taken my comments out of context, and so I will supply the full text here:


"Since the Ring is not made of gold, or any other metal or alloy, it is not a non-metal nor a gas, we conclude that, in spite of evidence pointing in the contrary, the Ring does not exist at all...or at least as far as we can discover at this time. Additonal resources, kindly donated, may help us uncover more about this mystery. Please make sure that all donations of stewed mutton are well-cooked.

Note that this conclusion was further bolstered by the fact that Gondorian officials stated, in a legal decree in the King's Own Hand, that if said Ring were to exist, that it would be the sole property of the King and that we would have to hand...er...surrender it to said sovereign immediately regardless of personal cost, injury or loss not excluding accidental death and/or dismemberment."
Hope that clears things up.

[the phantom]

PERFECT POSTING AVERAGE DISCOVERED

According to a study released today by the Organization for Posting Improvement, the perfect number of posts per day that all Downers should strive for is between 1.19 and 1.33.

"Go any higher than 1.33, and you run into problems," says lead researcher Kuruharan. "Your posts lose their novelty, and people get sick of seeing you pop up on so many threads. Remember- absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Assistant researcher alatar agreed, but reminded everyone that there was also a low side that you should not fall below. "Even though you don't want to post more than 1.33 ppd, you don't want to fall below 1.19 ppd. You need to post enough to gain and maintain solid name recognition and be an active force on the Downs. And you also want to put posts in more than one area. Spread your posts through the Books, the Movies, and Mirth to be sure that you are having an impact."

Another research team member, the phantom, added that the Organization for Posting Improvement was thrilled to have completed the study for the betterment of the Downs. "We've finally determined what the perfect posting average is, so now the only thing left to do is get the word out so people can begin rethinking their posting practices." The fourth member of the research team, Lalaith, said that she was just happy that the time consuming project was finally over.

The findings of the study have come under fire from some. Just two hours after the results were released, several members of the high-posting community spoke out against the study. The Saucepan Man in particular rebuked the research strongly, calling it "slanted" and "obviously biased", pointing out that the recommended range, 1.19-1.33, seems to have been based directly upon the posts per day of the researchers involved in the project.

When asked about this charge, lead researcher Kuruharan stated that the posting averages of himself, alatar, Lalaith, and the phantom, (1.19, 1.33, 1.28, and 1.28 respectively) didn't factor in at all, and that the results matching their own posting counts was merely a coincidence. "And really, can you take Sauce seriously on this issue?" asked the phantom. "He's a known high-posting extremist, averaging 5.38 posts per day. He's even worse than mormegil (5.35 ppd)- though at least he's not as extreme as Firefoot (6.16 ppd). She's just plain ridiculous."

The high-posting community is expected to start work on their own counter-study in the coming weeks. Thus far there has been no word from the low-posting community, though that is certainly not surprising.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

For Week 21 I thought I'd steer away from the norm and have a newspaper...

http://i14.tinypic.com/300fw5x.jpg

And, who could forget the comedy duo who are, I'm reliably informed, going to go big in Japan soon.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA019.jpg

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Films:

This week, the phantom takes on the roll of James Pond in a whirlwind of adventure and espionage. With high wire stunts and ridiculous acting, this film has everything to offer for someone who doesnt want to see a good film. Yes folks, despite all the hype, we have here a film that was vastly ruined by the presence of the actors, sets and sounds.
For your own good, avoid this film like the pleg.

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/CasinoSoil.jpg

[Hookbill the Goomba]

We apologize to readers of last Weeks Downer, due, once again, to a printing error, last weeks edition was full of water.

This week the phantom has done the mini headlines...

http://i15.tinypic.com/29p5jt5.jpg

But, lest we forget, the comedy duo of the month... well, not really...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA020.jpg

[HerenIstarion]

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA017.jpg

That myth has been busted by Myth Busters of Discovery Channel :D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

That myth has been busted by Myth Busters of Discovery Channel :D

I know. I wanted to write in to them saying "Stop ruining my jokes!" :D

[Lalwendë]

So I guess I might as well stop trying to drop pennies and assorted office supplies on chavs' heads out of my office window? :D

Are you planning a Christmas TV supplement Hookbill?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Are you planning a Christmas TV supplement Hookbill?

Ah, don't you worry, Lal, I have big plans for Christmas. Including a special Three part Phantom and Alien that I've just started work on. Moreover, you can expect a special Front Page as well as another rather big surprise!

This reminds me, Does anyone know when the Barrow Downs official 'Birthday' is? I've got some rather big plans for that also.

[THE Ka]

This reminds me, Does anyone know when the Barrow Downs official 'Birthday' is? I've got some rather big plans for that also.

I believe it is the 1st of May, but my memory is not the surest thing to trust.

~ Ka

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Ka's right - the Barrow-Downs forum was "born" on May 1, 2000.

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

How sad. . .I fear I will never be able to celebrate it then :(

[Gil-Galad]

Ha! that is my older brothers birthday... not the year of course.


so from now on the Barrow-Downs is a mean older brother that lifts weights and refuses to let me play his Playstation.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Okay, sorry it's a bit later than usual. I'm not feeling well today but I managed to force myself out of bed, thinking, 'You can't lie around in bed! You've got a Newspaper to run!'
So...

http://i7.tinypic.com/40m91ky.jpg

And, the duo we all know and loathe...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA021.jpg

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

I'm disappointed by this biased coverage. I would say I expect better from the Downer but, quite frankly, I don't. Do not think I'll stop at editing posts, Hookbill; given the power I'll soon be clamping down on free press.

Though, the Phantom & Alien is seriously my favourite comic strip ever.

[Lalwendë]

I see that The Metro have picked up on this headline story a day late (as is their habit). However they have given it the following headline:

Law Brought To Bear On Hairy Terror!






I'll get me coat...

I've now lived in Yorkshire for almost as long as I lived in Lancashire. This is not a right state of affairs. They'll be cuttin' off me black pudding rations soon.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Ho ho ho! Just looking back over this thread and I thought I should post this:

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/Growingpains.jpg

Look how short Phantom used to be. :D

[Morai]

Look how short Phantom used to be.

His style in clothing has also changed. For all we know, he could be wearing platform boots or GASP! High heels. :eek:

[Lalwendë]

Look how short Phantom used to be. :D

It's all them 'nourishing' Gregg's meat pies he's been scoffing. I've noticed he's been growing a fine pot belly lately too.
:D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Okay folks. The Christmas preparations begin here, I'm afraid.
But first, lets get down to business...

http://i7.tinypic.com/2elgz7s.jpg

Pending the court case with the Downs' society for the prevention of cruelty to animals, here is The Phantom and Alien...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA022.jpg

But that's not all! Oh no. For, with Christmas just three weeks away, 'we' here at The Downer have decided to go one step further with our Christmas celebrations.
Yes, folks, here, for the first time, is the script to the upcoming TV special, 'Prime Suspect 409' staring the Barrow Downs very own 'Lalwende' and 'Eomer'.
Part one is today, Two next Monday and the concluding episode will be on Christmas day!

Oh, and do remember this is a serious Newspaper:

http://knitemare.org/cats/serious_cat.jpg

Enjoy!

[Lalwendë]

Hehe! I like me being a right slave driver! :D And I'm quite taken with the zebra pulled 'police car'.

What is davem's dark secret? Did Glirdan really do it? Is Tom aware that his dear wife looks like a piece of cheese? Tune in next week to find out...

:cool:

[Damrod]

...The unveiling of a New Comic Strip for the leading and single newspaper on the Downs! The Vaguely Amusing Exploits of Damrod features tales of adventure, with engaging storylines comparable to The Phantom and Alien, and the artistic brilliance of a bitmap document. It stars Damrod (the only one heroic enough to fill this role), who deserts his post to seek...something. Perhaps enlightenment. Some people might ask, Isn't this just a rip-off of "The P+A"? Or, Who is this self-promoting newb? Those people are communists. My comic is awesome.



This week: After months of searching, Damrod finds the sole remaining Balrog in middle-earth, to ask the ultimate question... "Do you have wings?"
http://img2.freeimagehosting.net/uploads/d1b23f5d05.jpg (http://www.freeimagehosting.net/)


Next Week(or, depending on how the pilot goes, never) : Damrod, on how cave trolls are sissies.

Edit: :eek: Ooh, that doesn't look good. I may be forced to unveil The Vaguely Amusing Exploits of Dormad, Damrod's Friendlier Twin Brother.
Edit 2: Curse you, faulty image-hosting site! I don't want a red x!
Edit 3: "Imposter"? That's rather harsh, Mr. Goomba.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The unveiling of a New Comic Strip for the leading and single newspaper on the Downs

Lets see what Alien thinks of this...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Imposter.jpg

Sorry, Damrod, but, well, as much could be expected.

[Glirdan]

Ahhh! I didn't do it! I swear!!! Don't arrest me!! I want my mommy!! I mean...uh...My lawyer!! I want my lawyer!! Ya, that's it.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Once again, Wights of the Downs, it's time for The Downer Christmas celebrations. But first, the news...

http://i10.tinypic.com/2qa1chz.jpg

And now... The moment about three of you have been waiting for.The Special 3-part-er Phantom And Alien!
Part one will be today. Part Two on Friday and the conclusion will be on Christmas day!

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandAChristmas1.jpg

But not only that, here is Episode two of Lalwende's Prime Suspect 407...

[Gil-Galad]

Yes Hookbill...when do i get to be a mod?

[Glirdan]

Oh why did Alien have to become my Lawyer!? Why oh why!? If he doesn't win, he eats me! If I anger him, he eats me!! AHH!!!! What to do, what to do...Ah!! He's already bitting my leg!! Gah!! Phantom! Get thi pest off of me!!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Ah! I almost forgot! Sorry folks, but I'm afraid that The Phantom and Alien Christmas special Part 2 is here...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandAChristmas2.jpg

Watch out for part 3 on Christmas Day! :eek:

[Lalwendë]

Yay!!! I'm a cartoon character! What's more, one that makes The Phantom drop his brew!

That's like getting an early Christmas present!

:D

:cool:

[Gil-Galad]

all you need now is me to come in again as a guest-character to save the day... or ruin it horribly and run away...either way... i better be in the christmas special

[Morai]

all you need now is me to come in again as a guest-character to save the day... or ruin it horribly and run away...either way... i better be in the christmas special

Pfft. No comic strip is complete with out the presence of the Magnificent Morai! But don't push yourself too hard Hookbilly, I can wait.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Ah, I'm giving nothing away about the last part! ;)

Although, due to popular demand, I shall be putting more cameos in later episodes. :smokin:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

A merry messy Christmas to you all! Look at me, here on Christmas day, with nothing better to do than to post a fake newspaper for the amusement of people I've never met. :D

We've got a lot to get through so let's start with the front page news...

http://i16.tinypic.com/2cyocq1.jpg

Also, especially for Christmas, we have a special...

TV Supplement (http://i11.tinypic.com/4chyfb5.jpg)!

And who could forget, the conclusion to THE PHANTOM and ALIEN Christmas special...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandAChristmas3.jpg


And last, but by no means least, the conclusion to Lalwende's Prime Suspect 407...

[Glirdan]

Okay, let me get this straight, I did do it? Cuz if I did...why don't I remember anything??

[High King Fingolfin]

Awesome as always, Hookbill!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

It seems that, with Christmas and everything, I've begun to fall a tad behind on the Newspapers. So, if you have any stories you'd like for the front page, do PM me with them and I'll probably put them up on one of the near weeks. Do keep them short n' sweet, 100-200 words if you can.

In other News (ho-ho), I have listened to your comments and can assure you that next weeks Phantom and Alien will include a Cameo from a well known and respected* Downer. So... Look out.

*This of course, docent necessarily mean he will be respectfully treated by Alien. ;)

[Lalwendë]

Don't worry Mr Hookbill! I'll forgive you because of all your sterling work in keeping me laughing over the past couple of weeks! :D

That TV Supplement was especially fab (but where was the Queen at 3pm, did Alien eat her?)! And the cartoon and the script too! :cool:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

but where was the Queen at 3pm?)

Is there a queen of the Barrow Downs? Perhaps I should have had The Barrow wight's Christmas address or something. :smokin:

[Estelyn Telcontar]

<--- Not a queen, but... ;)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

It's that time again, folks. No New Year specials I'm afraid. I just didn't have time... what am I saying? Of course I had time, I just couldn't be bothered. :p

http://i13.tinypic.com/2uppd8z.jpg

And let us not forget that most infamous of comic strips. This week, as promised, there is a cameo from a famous Downer. That's right, every one's favorite gun wielding monkey, Mormegil!

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA023.jpg

[The Might]

I've been reading through the thread and I must admit that I already am a big fan of Phantom and Alien...
I was curious...what program do you use to draw them ?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I've been reading through the thread and I must admit that I already am a big fan of Phantom and Alien...
I was curious...what program do you use to draw them ?

I use good old Microsoft paint. :)

When you know how, almost anything is possible with it. :cool:

[The Might]

wow...you've got talent...
I can barely draw something recognisable with Paint...or anything else actually :D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

wow...you've got talent...

Well, not really. If any of you folks are wondering how to Draw The Phantom, here are some simple guide lines.

http://i17.tinypic.com/3zbuk2r.jpg

Next week, we'll do Alien. :D

[The Might]

thanks...now I know how to do Phantom

I guess it only is harder the first time, you can copy paste the image for some of the other scenes...still when you have guest stars you have to start over

[Hookbill the Goomba]

thanks...now I know how to do Phantom

I guess it only is harder the first time, you can copy paste the image for some of the other scenes...still when you have guest stars you have to start over

I have a file on my computer which is full of concept art for a lot of Downers that I list as 'possibilities' for future story lines. Yet to be used are such folks as; LMP, Davem, Eomer of the Rohirrim, THE Ka and others. They continuously are edited and changed until I use them.

[The Might]

of course it's up to you, but I would like to see the serious cat make a guest star appearence in the cartoon...though I am afraid I know what would happen to her since Alien is around

[mormegil]

I'm not sure whether I should be honored or offended Hookbill, regardless I was laughing :D

[Beleg Cuthalion]

I decided to have a little and try to draw the phantom going by Hookbill’s how too, and I would like to see what he thinks of it. So, here it is. :D

Btw, I really like the smaug with guitar pic, cracks me up. :D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I'm not sure whether I should be honored or offended Hookbill, regardless I was laughing

Well... Monkeys like crocodiles... right? :p

Good works, Beleg. Maybe The Phantom's evil* twin 'Motnahp' will make an appearance at some point.


*Being the opposite of The Phantom he'll be humble, kind, polite, generous and give me lots of money every 3 minuets. :smokin:

[Volo]

What about Neila then?

[THE Ka]

They continuously are edited and changed until I use them.

Does that mean I have to give up my bad habit of changing icons constantly? :p

Nah, no worries. I like the one I have now... Very, Kaesque.

~ Ka

[Volo]

This is Neila, the most careful woman in the world. Nobody knows how she is related to Alien, but there must be a connection. Some propose that she is Alien's mother, others say that she is Alien's sister and some even dare say that she is Alien's girlfriend. But who is she really? I don't know if we shall ever know.

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b205/ih8mcdonalds/Neila.jpg

(Phantom and Alien fanpics seem to be popular nowadays.)

PS: Is this the right way to insert a picture?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Fantastic work, Volo! :D The Phantom looks happy. :p

[The Might]

Looks like Phantom and Alien at the Cracks of Doom
And because Phantom refuses to throw the ring in the fire, Alien has no other choice but to throw Phantom in it together with the ring
Mrs. Alien comes along however in time to save Phantom, and unfortunately the Ring as well

[Volo]

Looks like Phantom and Alien at the Cracks of Doom
That was the idea at first, but I was too lazy to put there a rock in stead of bricks.

[the phantom]

I figured that Alien was just fishing for ladies. He's certainly using effective bait.

[Volo]

Did the phantom find the right answer to the riddle?
http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b205/ih8mcdonalds/Neila2.jpg

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I like the fact that not even Alien himself knows. :D

Is it just me, or has The Phantom and Alien become more popular than the actual Newspaper? :eek:

[The Might]

Considering the last cartoon, I am pretty sure that they're related because they both seem to have about the same IQ
I find it funny that since she has no hands, she has to hold her purse in her mouth
but this raises a question...if Alien is capable to reel Mormegil in...does his race have or not have hands?
guess we have our first P&A lore questions

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

You mean like "do balrogs have wings" - "do the Aliens have arms"?
Well, since the fishing rod seems just floating in the air, then...

And yeah - I think the cartoon seems to be getting more popular, but nah, I don't think it would be so bad that it'd press the newspaper itself away...

P.S. Hookbill, you said the Phantom seems happy... does the eyeal expression (something like facial expression, but since all we can see from his face are the eyes...) somehow indicate his mood? So far I noticed the three grimases... er... eyemasses :D
These are: OO or DD or OD
if you catch my meaning (he has the second one on the pic with Mrs.Alien)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Okay, it's that time once again, folks...

http://i11.tinypic.com/3yq5gns.jpg

So, the continuing adventures of The Phantom and the most annoying creature in the universe...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA024.jpg

[The Might]

looks like a Matrix-style move from Alien to me

well...and even if the cartoon gets more popular, it might increase the newspaper's popularity

still...I don't remind being served any soil...:)

[THE Ka]

Hmmm... Is alien going through a Max Ernst phase? :p

~ Ka

[Hookbill the Goomba]

still...I don't remind being served any soil...:)

Shh! You're spoiling the illusion! :p

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

looks like aliens face is melting

[Morai]

You have to appreciate a villian who attacks people with cheese, GO SAURON THE ZOOMASTER. *cough* :o

[Hookbill the Goomba]

P.S. Hookbill, you said the Phantom seems happy... does the eyeal expression (something like facial expression, but since all we can see from his face are the eyes...) somehow indicate his mood? So far I noticed the three grimases... er... eyemasses
These are: OO or DD or OD
if you catch my meaning (he has the second one on the pic with Mrs.Alien)

Here is a rough guide to his facial expressions...

http://i12.tinypic.com/2nvs4k8.jpg

[The Might]

poor Phantom, I can't recall ever seeing him happy...perhaps he was before he met alien

Interesting part about Sauron though I always thought he would not be that type of guy

[Hookbill the Goomba]

poor Phantom, I can't recall ever seeing him happy...perhaps he was before he met alien

Ah ha! He was! Back in Episode 14 (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA014.jpg), he was pleased that he had put down his expensive new carpet.

[The Might]

I did forget about that, still his happiness was quickly ruined...
I wonder why he doesn't kick Alien out of the house...maybe pity or fear?
Though if he's dead I doubt he has much to fear...

Still, just like Frodo and Gollum, maybe Phantom will one day be happy that he kept Alien...then again he might not :D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I did forget about that, still his happiness was quickly ruined...
I wonder why he doesn't kick Alien out of the house...maybe pity or fear?
Though if he's dead I doubt he has much to fear...

The general rule is that Alien keeps breaking into the Phantom's house and eventually Phantom accepted it as an inevitability. He tried to kill Alien once, but it didn't work.

[The Might]

yep, I guess Alien starts to come in his house as soon as episode 2
and yep, it's in episode 11 that Phantom tries to kill him...I wonder if Death could have more success against Alien

btw, you did forget one pic of Phantom's eyes
in the first episode where he meets Death he has some strange yellow/purple eyes...perhaps it's the alcohol, though I'm not sure if that has an effect on the dead

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Does that mean I have to give up my bad habit of changing icons constantly? :p

Not really... Here is what you look like at the moment:

http://i14.tinypic.com/4hk594k.jpg

:p

[Lalwendë]

This is getting like The Daily Express, the newspaper with the best cartoons - namely Rupert The Bear and Giles. You'll have to do an annual next Christmas! :D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

A new week! And nothing to Seek... Except a Newspaper...

http://i10.tinypic.com/3142jq1.jpg

Let us not forget that, ever so wonderous duo...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA025.jpg

[The Might]

Well...this edition shows me 2 important things:
1. Alien is more dangerous then I thought
2. Alien has no hands

[Volo]

1. Alien is more dangerous then I thought
Interesting, what does Alien want to achieve? Is he evil? Hmm...

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

Interesting, what does Alien want to achieve? Is he evil? Hmm...
No, that's just his behavior. He's silly, he's funny, and kinda stupid (hope he didn't hear me... ops!), but he's definitely not evil! :smokin:

Once again, great comic strip, Hookbill! :D

[The Might]

I would suspenct that was the body of Father Christmas he wanted to get rid off, since Christmas, and had left him since then in acid

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

Yeah, that's quite possible... um... and we also don't know what happened to Morsul the Dark (Morsul? :D :D :D )...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Oh he's not evil... well... not completely.
It's probably best not to try and figure out his motivation as its just a stupid comic strip where weird stuff happens... :p

On the question of Alien's arms / hands. I generally work with the idea that he is like Homestarrunner (http://www.homestarrunner.com) in that his arms are invisible but still functional.

This weeks issue includes a special report on the Ultimate weapon...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Ultimateweapon.jpg

[Lalwendë]

Are you daring to suggest that Gandalf is more powerful than...Doctor Who?! :eek:

EDIT - hey, the picture's gone, now my comment is out of context. :confused:

[The Might]

I doubt it can be Morsul, since he is already dead

But, it could be Lalwende, since Alien might have felt threatened by her investigating the case
Strange though he would use acid, I thought his method was simply eating things, like Phantom's pets or Damrod...

btw Hookbill, I guess you were right about the comic becoming more interesting ;)

[Lalwendë]

I doubt it can be Morsul, since he is already dead

But, it could be Lalwende, since Alien might have felt threatened by her investigating the case
Strange though he would use acid, I thought his method was simply eating things, like Phantom's pets or Damrod...

btw Hookbill, I guess you were right about the comic becoming more interesting ;)

No, I'm still here. It would take far more than mere acid to deal with my corpse...pickled as it is in deep strata of nicotine and cholesterol... :smokin:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Are you daring to suggest that Gandalf is more powerful than...Doctor Who?! :eek:

EDIT - hey, the picture's gone, now my comment is out of context. :confused:

Sorry about that, I don't know why it disappeared. It's back now..

I thought his method was simply eating things, like Phantom's pets or Damrod

He likes to broaden his horizons sometimes. :p

[Lalwendë]

Hurrah! It's back! Incidentally, I often think that episode of 'Who would make for a nice comparison with what happens to Morgoth but hardly anyone will have seen it apart from us Brits and Canucks. :(

Strange though he would use acid, I thought his method was simply eating things, like Phantom's pets or Damrod...

Maybe he is simply using the acid as a kind of seasoning? You know, like adding vinegar to your chips before eating them? *hopes*

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Maybe he is simply using the acid as a kind of seasoning? You know, like adding vinegar to your chips before eating them? *hopes*

I was under the impression that it was a joke and one wasn't supposed to try and find deeper meanings behind it. :D

Anyway, my one hope is that The Barrow Wight doesn't mind all the wild accusations my Paper makes about him... :o

[The Might]

Well, I anyway had to lose some weight, so the closing down of the chips factory is a good thing I guess, though they did taste good

And as far as Alien is concerned, I think Lalwende might be right on that one, I could imagine Alien wanting to make an acid-corpse cocktail...poor Phantom

[Morsul the Dark]

bwahahahahahaha me dead? no...just absent for a long time i'm just stopping by...to tell you the truth(hookbill this is a flash sstory you might want to publish) morsul the once renowned evil chocolate chip with the amazingly high postperdaycount...is slightly bored with the downs having moved onto youtube(where I have some movies posted under this name) search for hey captain starlight)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

A meek Week to keep a jeep in the deep.

http://i12.tinypic.com/2uizwg3.jpg

This week, Alien gets a new hobby...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA026.jpg

[Lalwendë]

I'm not at all surprised I was confused by Serious, as cats continue to confuse me with their strange feline ways...I shall be examining his Litter Box for evidence...

Alien this week reminds me of something my friend once told me - that he was once (allegedly) given a slap by a Sunday School teacher for saying it would have been far more impressive had Jonah swallowed the Whale... :eek:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Alien this week reminds me of something my friend once told me - that he was once (allegedly) given a slap by a Sunday School teacher for saying it would have been far more impressive had Jonah swallowed the Whale... :eek:

May be, but it certainly would have been funnier. :D
Imagine! Jonah coming to Nineveh all fat and with a whale shape in the middle of him. :rolleyes:

[The Might]

Again a really funny edition of Phantom and Alien...
I would expect Alien to jump towards the Elephant and then swallow him in mid flight...
Anyway I would have wanted to hear more about the orange fridge's bank account

[The Elf-warrior]

By Michael Delving

On January 21, 2007, at 3:21 P.M., an orange refrigerator walked into a branch of the Robemblind Bank and opened an account. Bank spokesperson Grishwen Bilgewater said, "I don't see any problem with it. He produced all the required documents." Thenamir, the Minister of Moola, was not available for comment but The Barrow-Wight was furious. "What is this world coming to? Doesn't everybody know that refrigerators are not legal persons? I mean they don't have a mind of their own like PCs. The Saucepan Man said, "This is definitely illegal. The refrigerator is only 6 months old." DCI Lalwendë chased away this reporter yelling, "Go away, you blood-sucking gossipmongering half-wit excuse for a huming(sic) being.!" The orange refrigerator, who calls himself Bob, said, "I think the prejudice people are showing towards me is disappointing. The organic essentialist view of personhood has been made obsolete by me and other intelligent machines. I am fully sentient. Age is not relevant to non-biological persons. After a short period of booting up I was fully functional. You know something; I haven't heard any fuss about Lt. Data opening a bank account. I think his humanoid form goes a long way to reducing prejudice against him."

[Hookbill the Goomba]

And so it continues!

http://i3.tinypic.com/4536te8.jpg

This week, Alien tries his hand at being Gandalf...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/News/PandA027.jpg

[Thinlómien]

I'm sure the Penguins will win.

[The Might]

Nice magic trick from Alien!

And I liked the part about vital evidence...guess that's the way police works