Fortunately/Unfortunately

[The Might]

Fortunately Glorfindel was not a vet, and he helped Gandalf

[Volo]

Unfortunaly, Asfaloth the Envious kicked Gandalf in his nose.

[Gil-Galad]

fortunately, were-feanor, mutant doh, mt. zoom, shelob and Johnny the Stinky Balrog ganged up and killed this Asfaloth

[Nogrod]

Unfortunately all these chaps were the results of the collective imagination of the Barrow-Downers and they vanished into the thin air at the moment no one was looking at this thread and thence Asfaloth managed to kick Gandalf to the nose again before dying, causing him a permanent nose-problem that could be repaired only with a plastic surgery that was not yet invented.

[Rikae]

Fortunately, Odo Proudfoot invented it the following Tuesday.

[High King Fingolfin]

Unfortunately, it didn't work.

[Thinlómien]

Fortunately, Saruman invented a working one the week after it.

[The Elf-warrior]

Unfortunately, Saruman did the surgery without anesthesia.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Fortunately, he did it with magic instead of knives.

[The Elf-warrior]

Unfortunately, there was a negative patient outcome.

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

fortunately, wargs ate every one so there were no more problems

[Rikae]

Unfortunately, they ate Feral first, so he didn't have a chance to say that.

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

Fortunately, he managed to bite his way out of the Warg's chest.

[The Might]

Unfortunately there was more then one warg

[Rikae]

Fortunately, the rest were vegetarians!

[Gil-Galad]

Unfortunately, Were-Feanor wa amongst them and he wasn't a vegaterian

[The Might]

Fortunately Were-Feanor got tired of being the different guy and so he became a vegetarian too:)

[High King Fingolfin]

Unfortunately, they were all run over by Mount Zoom.

[Boromir88]

Fortunately no one died in the accident and Mount Zoom was put behind bars for the hit-and-run crime.

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

Unfortunately, i was still inside a warg somewhere...

[Rikae]

Fortunately, Legate already fixed that in post 4263.

[The Might]

Unfortunately Eowyn came and asked everyone to try her soup!

[Gil-Galad]

Fortunately, Eowyn saw gandalf the uncloaked and never spoke again...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Unfortunately, she now forced everyone to eat her soup.

[The Might]

Fortunately she went away soon, so everyone was able to through the soup away

[Boromir88]

Unfortunately Eowyn was the only cook and only knew how to make her infamous soup

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

fortunately, we turned cannibal and ate hobbits.

[The Might]

Unfortunately eating Hobbits wasn't very healthy because of all the pipeweed they smoke

[Gil-Galad]

Fortunately, all that pipeweed made us think that stars are totally rad dude...

[The 1,000 Reader]

Unfortunately, everybody overdosed and died.

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

Fortunately, wargs dont smoke so they became rulers of middle earth once again...

[Gil-Galad]

Unfortunately, they never were rulers so the phrase "once again" became non-existance to the wargs so the wargs went back to being Goblin pets... and Johnny the Stinky Balrog took the throne of ruler too

[The 1,000 Reader]

Unfortunately, the Goblins casted "Untamed Allegiance " on them and made them slaves. Johnny tried to file a lawsuit, but he was practically an old meme so he was arrested for being overused.

[Gil-Galad]

Fortunately, that post did not follow the thread guidelines and had no meaning to this story-line


nobody messes with Johnny...nobody!

[The 1,000 Reader]

Unfortunately, it does now.

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

fortunately, johny died of pipe weed over dose and so did every one else all but the wargs so they were now the rulers.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Unfortunately, basically posting the same thing on the same page got Feral Gannon-Banned. And yes, that is how you spell Gannon-Banned. Ganon has one N.

[Rikae]

Fortunately, Johnny got his foot stuck in the 12th hole at "East Farthing Miniature Golf" and couldn't get free.

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

Unfortunately, they had to cut both johnnys feet off.

[Gil-Galad]

Fortunately, johnny used his Balrog wings to flutter about

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

Unfortunately, balrogs cant fly.

[Gil-Galad]

Fortunately, that is still being discussed at thie very moment

[Nogrod]

Unfortunately the majority of Barrow-Downers - on whose opinion the question is finally settled anyhow as there are no opinions worth of noting anywhere else- weighs on the opinion that the Balrogs can't fly.

[Gil-Galad]

Fortunately, only the minority of downers post on this thread so only the minority matter

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

unfortunately, none of this matters because the last balrog johnny died of blood loss from where his two feet were cut off.

[THE Ka]

Fortunately, due to Johnny's immense body heat*, his wounds were cauterized and thus he prevented too much bloody loss.


*Taking that he is a Balrog, yes? This raises another question, do Barlogs have blood, and if so, what type of liquid? (Yes, I am horrible... :p )

~ Ubiquitious Ka

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

unfortunately, gandalf who had been getting more and more angry over the fact that johnny was still alive hit johnny the balrog over the back of the head with a spade killing him and that was the end of johnny the balrog.

(at lest i hope its the end of him)

[The 1,000 Reader]

Fortunately it was, since orcs chopped up the body and ground it to a pulp seperately, and the Witch-King, Gandalf, Saruman, and other magic users cast salt on Johnny's grave and danced on it, preventing him from ever returning to life.

The Encyclopedia Dramatica then added Johhny as an old meme in memory of him.

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

unfortunately, johnny the balrog was lost from this thread forever.


(shakes the 1,000 readers hand for a job well done)

[Gil-Galad]

Fortunately, 1000 reader and feral don't know that Johnny actually became Immortal(and invinceable, and invulernable) after eating the Grim Reaper and doning his powers as Johnny the Stinky Balrog reaper, so in conclusion Johnny is not lost and never will be lost for he shall team up with Were-Feanor and fight crime in Minas Tirith


Johnny and Were-Feanor: Cops out of time and imagination

[Rikae]

Unfortunately, being a Balrog and a Were-creature they were more interested in commiting crimes, and promptly robbed Barliman Butterbur of his entire supply of crumpets, scones and other tasty pastries.

[Boromir88]

Fortunately Butterbur killed both the Balrog and the were-creature and got back everything they stole from him.

[Rikae]

Unfortunately Butterbur was a fat, forgetful innkeeper and could hardly be expected to fight off two running jokes.

[The Might]

Fortunately, Nob and Bob were always there to help him

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Unfortunately, they were too busy.

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

Fortunately, gondor were there to help him.

[Gil-Galad]

Unfortunately, they went the wrong way

[High King Fingolfin]

Fortunately, the alien-eating dog was kind enough to show them the right way.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Unfortunately (for Gil,) Gondor killed the two pathetic old memes. The thread was then allowed to actually be original, and not the same damn joke for ages and ages.

[Gil-Galad]

Fortunately, we were over that whole business and the jokes can come back whenever they want... on and the alien-eating dog showed them the way to a tavenr full of Corsairs

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

Unfortunately, for johnny the balrog gondor and the corsairs joint forces to hunt him down.


(i wage war upon johnny the balrog)

[High King Fingolfin]

Fortunately, they all talked about it and decided they should really be friends.


(I've defected to the side of the running gags. Yes Menel, snicker all you want.)

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

Unfortunately, when johnny the balrog wasnt looking they stabed him in the heart with a silver blade, then chained him up, locked him in case, chained up the case, put the case into a tome, chained up the tomb, placed spells all over the tomb to keep all out and then had hundreds of guards wait outside so johnny would never come back.


(that should do it........ i hope)

[Rikae]

Fortunately, The Flat Morgo-Yak rescued Johnny from the tome (by "reading" him back into this world), and since he wasn't in the tomb the guards and all that other stuff were irrelevant.

[Gil-Galad]

Unfortunately, the corsairs and gondor got bored so they attacked themselves

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

Fortunately, gondor won.


(i will be back to wage war on johnny the balrog, one day........)

[Gil-Galad]

Unfortunately, they all got drunk and passed out after the victory



(johnny always comes back, he is like superman... oh and feral, read PM)

[Tuor in Gondolin]

Fortunately they passed out at The Green Dragon
and hobbits took over rulership of Middle Earth.

[Gil-Galad]

Unfortunately the Hobbits also got drunk and passed out at the Golden Peach where other hobbits tried to take over but they in turn passed out at the Prancing Pony and Butterbur took over

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

Fortunately, Strider was there to stop butterbut, so then Strider took over.

[Rikae]

Unfortunately, Strider smelled foul. Or fowl. Or smelled of fowl. Or something like that.

[High King Fingolfin]

Fortunately, he took a bath.

[Gil-Galad]

Unfortunately, after Strider took his first bath in like 30 years, it turned out that Strider was actually Alatar one of the blue wizards

[Rikae]

Fortunately, after he took another bath he became Alatar the White.

[Volo]

Unfortunaly, Gandalf was reborn and he (Aragorn) became Alatar the Multicoloured.

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

Fortunately, for he had nothing better to do, he took a nice long bath ....

[Rikae]

Unfortunately, he became Alatar the Radioactive.

[High King Fingolfin]

Fortunately, he wore lead clothing. (Don't ask me how.)

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

Unfortunately, it wasnt water proof so the hobbits had to help him.

[elronds_daughter]

Fortunately, Hobbits like taking baths. (???)

[High King Fingolfin]

Unfortunately, Pippin drowned.

[Boromir88]

Fortunately they just replaced Pippin with Fatty Bolger.

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

Unfortunately, he drowned to, and soon aragon was surrounded by masses of floating dead hobbits in his bath.

[Rikae]

Fortunately, his radioactivity resurrected them and gave them super powers.

[Volo]

Unfortunaly, the Super Hobbits became evil and replaced the Nazgul as Sauron's generals.

[Rikae]

Fortunately, they thought evildoing was too adventurous and uncomfortable and decided to have a smoke-ring contest instead.

[Gil-Galad]

Unfortunately, these Smoke-Rings became Evil Smoke-Rings of Potential Doom due to the super-hobbits radioactive powers

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

Fortunately, scince the nazgul were out of jobs they became good, and started super nine super hero team, to fight the evil smoke rings

[High King Fingolfin]

Unfortunately, the Flat Morg-Yak, Were-Feanor, and Bob the Troll came to help them out, forging an unstoppable army of evil. Muahahahahhahahahahahahahah!

[Gil-Galad]

Fortunately, other running-gags from this thread came out to support the nice-Nazgul agaienst evil and thus bringing about a civil war of running gags

Good:
Alien-Eating Dog
Mount Zoom
Johnny the Stinky Balrog
Strider the Alatar

and the rest shall be decided by other people that remmber the other running gags...

[The 1,000 Reader]

Unfortunately, the Witch-King summoned EA, who gave him an enormous army, freaky spells, a smart warrior troll, a guy who looked like a dwarf, and a name for a Nazgul. The might of Angmar defeated the evil Hobbits, and with the freezing wind power, Strider's bathwater blew towards Mordor and forced it to suffer from horrific plague.

[The Might]

Fortunately someone hacked the EA program and deleted Witch-king from it

[Gil-Galad]

Unfortunately, that hacker was The Witch-King and a paradox emerged

[The 1,000 Reader]

Fortunately, Eru decided to simply do away with the paradox and watch what happened, since restarting the world had gotten typical and boring.

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

Unfortunately, gandalf died.

[Rikae]

Fortunately, he came back as "Gandalf the Transparent"; an omnipotent entity never before (or during, or after) seen in Middle Earth.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Unfortunately, the only transparent part of him was... of course... his cloak. :rolleyes:

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Fortunately that year transparent was the new black.

[THE Ka]

Unfortunately, like Wilde once said, six months too soon 'the new black' became 'the new Nine' and thus our pauvre Gandalf was ambushed by an confused group of suspicious hobbits with fashion sense...


~ Ka

[High King Fingolfin]

Fortunately, Gandalf explained everything to them, and their sense of fashion went away.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Unfortunately, Gandalf was still standing the the middle of the Shire with nothing covered up, so he did some jail time.

[Gil-Galad]

Fortunately, he only got two hours of jail time in the Shire for public Nudity

[High King Fingolfin]

Unfortunately, his cell was under the Water.

[Rikae]

Fortunately, he was omnipotent, which meant that the hobbits couldn't create a jail cell G the T couldn't escape. (Whether he could create such a cell, now that's another question...)

[The 1,000 Reader]

Unfortunately, he was with a burly cellmate named Bubba.

[Gil-Galad]

Fortunately, Bubba helped Gandalf get out of Jail nice and un noticied

[The 1,000 Reader]

Unfortunately, Bubba wanted something in return that Gandalf did not want to let Bubba have.

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

Fortunately, gandalf was happy to die in his under water cell.

[Gil-Galad]

Unfortunately, his two hours were up so they let Gandalf out

[Tuor in Gondolin]

Fortunately (for hobbit dominance of Middle-earth) out of work
Sharkey Shirereeves conspired with Gandalf and Bubba to seize control
of the secret nerve center of Middle-earth (Farmer Maggott's kitchen).

[Maeggaladiel]

Unfortunately, the kitchen was being remodeled at the time, so they had to settle for the basement.

[Gil-Galad]

Fortunately, by controlling the basement all they got to control was the Rat Population and where the lost Gnomes of Gondolin now live

[The 1,000 Reader]

Unfortunately, the Gnomes gathered the rats into special rat cannons and fired them all over Middle-Earth, causing chaos and another damned plague. Hygiene was fighting a losing battle in Middle-Earth.

[FeRaL sHaDoW]

Fortunately, every one and thing left middle earth.

[The Might]

Unfortunately the rats were fired all over Arda, so all was contaminated

[Gil-Galad]

Fortunately, everyone blasted off to.... THE MOON!!!!!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Unfortunately, 'that dratted creature' aka, the white Dragon of The Moon, didn't like their presence.

[Maeggaladiel]

Fortunately, they were all wearing their Anti Moon Dragon underwear.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Unfortunately, they forgot air.

[Nogrod]

Fortunately the White Dragon of the Moon breathed out pure oxygen and so they only enjoyed being hunted for their lives.

[Rikae]

Unfortunately Fatty Bolger became lodged in the White Dragon's throat, blocking the oxygen supply.

[Gil-Galad]

Fortunately, this moon dragon was fat, and by running around the moon alot it breathed alot of oxygen so enough oxygen was already present that the people survived on the moon forever

[The Might]

Unfortunately Eru thought this has become a bit too ridiculous so he felt the need to again push the reset button and start over with the world

[The 1,000 Reader]

Fortunately, Eru was using a cool device called the internet made in another world. Before he changed Middle-Earth, he googled something called "Rule 34."

...

...needless to say, he was too busy tearing his eyes out and making plans to destroy all existing worlds to deal with weird Middle-Earth.

[Rikae]

Unfortunately, Eru found that he was the only exception to Rule 34, and he was so insulted he smashed his computer....

...and the pieces rained down on Middlie Earth, an occurence so bizarre that it caused the disintegration of the social structure, and Gondor imprisoned Aragorn and elected a president.

[Volo]

Fortunaly, the president they elected was Gandalf the Ever-Green.

[The Might]

Unfortunately he soon got bored of signing treaties and meeting other kings or princes, so he left.

[Gil-Galad]

Fortunately, before he left he gave his office to Were-Feanor


let the bloodbath commence

[High King Fingolfin]

Fortunately, Were-Feanor had reformed.

[Gil-Galad]

UNFortunately, Were-Feanor had reformed.


Fortunately, not till after his "Mandatory visitaion of the city sewers" act came into power

[The 1,000 Reader]

Unfortunately, by opening the sewers an entire civilization of Watchers in the Water was released.

[Boromir88]

Fortunately the Watchers in the Water made peace pledge and didn't trouble anyone.

[High King Fingolfin]

Unfortunately, they broke the peace pledge.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Fortunately, the just as unknown giants came to the aid of Gondor.

[Boromir88]

Unfortunately they made a left when they should have made a right; and ended up in The Shire. As everyone knows Giants don't like hobbits.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Fortunately for the hobbits, the hobbits were better fighters, and so the hobbits drove the giants out towards Gondor.

[The Might]

Unfortunately, the Giants ended up making havoc in Gondor, and climbed up on Mindolluin and started to play with rocks.

[Gil-Galad]

Fortunately, they all slipped cause of the slippery stonework

[Boromir88]

Unfortunately they all fell and rolled down on top of Minas Tirith smashing it to dust. The estimated damage was 5.2 billion pounds.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Fortunately, the Watchers were all dead, and since Gondor used gold, they escaped the bill by a loophole.

[Rikae]

Unfortunately, the workers who were supposed to rebuild Gondor decided to join Mac's WW game instead.:D

[Gil-Galad]

Fortunately, every survivor of Minas Tirith decided to move to Dol Amroth instead

[The Might]

Unfortunately Ulmo bathing in the Bay of Belfalas created a tsunami that headed straight for Dol Amroth

[Boromir88]

Fortunately, the Dol Amrothians were far superior in the field of technology compared to the rest of Middle-earth. They had constructed an impenetrable force field called 'The Schwartz.'

[Mithalwen]

Unfortunately while the forcefield was impenetrable it wasn't high enough to cope with the backwash from a bathing Vala and the water went over it.

[Gil-Galad]

Fortunately, 'The Schwartz' moves in mysterious ways and it funneled the backwash back into the ocean 50 miles away

[High King Fingolfin]

Unfortunately, it ended up flooding Pelargir.

[Gil-Galad]

Fortunately, nobody liked those jerks from Pelargir anyways...

[The 1,000 Reader]

Unfortunately, those jerks from Pelargir wanted some new land.

[Meneltarmacil]

Fortunately, Mount Zoom ran over them.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Unfortunately, the survivors hijacked it and assaulted Gondor.

[The Elf-warrior]

Fortunately, Minas Tirith came to the rescue.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Unfortunately, Minas Tirith was a flooded wreck, meaning that it had to crumble, cause the mountains to crumble into the sea and making a wave to stop Mount Zoom, which would take out the rest of Middle-Earth.

[Meneltarmacil]

Fortunately, the tsunami only hurt the bad guys.

[The Elf-warrior]

Unfortunately, earthquakes killed all the good guys.

EDIT: 800th post. Yay!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Fortunately, the bad-guys were so traumatised by the experience that they turned good.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Unfortunately, the wave crippled them so they couldn't do a thing.

[High King Fingolfin]

Fortunately, they were rehabilitated and went out to do good works across Middle-Earth.

[Boromir88]

Unfortunately all their good works were destroyed by another tsunami and they all figured out being good was a waste of time. So, they turned back to being super-evil.

[Volo]

Fortunaly, they were so evil that they cut each other up.

[Lord Melkor]

Unfortunately the strongest among them survived and set himself up as the new Dark Lord of Middle-Earth. Since all the good guys are dead, noone is around to stop him.

[Tuor in Gondolin]

Fortunately, having watched Doctor Strangelove [special
director's cut] on dvds, hobbits, nassty elvsees with bright swords,
assorted skinchangers, etc. had prepared underground shelters
so as to avoid a mineshaft gap and emerged to rout the new
Dark Lord and restore Middle-earth (yea! :p ).

[Gil-Galad]

Unfortunately, they burned up in the sun because they weren't use to it anymore

[Tuor in Gondolin]

Fortunately the valar decided it was time to intervene
again and protected Middle-earth and the good guys
from the sun.

[Elmo]

Unfortunately Tulkas decided to nap again giving even the Elves terrible sun burn

[Meneltarmacil]

Fortunately, Bob the Troll poked him with a spear and woke him up.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Unfortunately, Bob the Troll was crippled and had his head finally torn off by Tulkas before Tulkas went back to sleep.

[Gil-Galad]

Fortunately, Bob the Troll cloned himself a million times over before that happened, so there were a million Bob the Troll clones running around

[The 1,000 Reader]

Unfortunately, they were all captured by orcs and thrown into pens where they were chained to walls and poked with sharp sticks.

[Meneltarmacil]

Fortunately, a terrible monster (named Bubba) ate the orcs.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Unfortunately, he ate them whole and had no stomach acid, so the orcs cut themselves free.

[High King Fingolfin]

Fortunately Bob the Troll's clones were saved by the alien-eating dog.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Unfortunately, Bubba sure wasn't, and meat was "back on the menu."

[Gil-Galad]

Fortunately, everyone was content in letting Bubba sacrifice himself for the Bob Clones

[Meneltarmacil]

Unfortunately, Mount Zoom ran over Bubba and prevented that from happening.

[High King Fingolfin]

Fortunately, Mount Zoom's front axle broke, causing a huge pile-up with Barrad-dash.

[Meneltarmacil]

Unfortunately, the two machines both toppled over and crushed all the good guys.

[Rikae]

Fortunately, the good guys were so crushworthy that all their fangirls came to the rescue and reconstituted them (with tasty onion broth and just a soupçon of oregano.)

[High King Fingolfin]

Unfortunately, all the good guys were allergic to oregano.

[Gil-Galad]

Fortunately, all teh bad guys died from laughing too much at the good guys dying so everyone died...

[The 1,000 Reader]

Unfortunately, not only was everybody dead, but the good guy's corpses were defiled by fangirl spirit and ff.net evils. This was truly horrible.

"I should have destroyed the world again when I had the chance." Eru was in shock. "I should have destroyed the world again when I had the chance!" Eru pounded his fists in rage on the remains of Middle-Earth, wiping out the rest of the population and causing the still-alive yet endlessly laughing Nazgul and Army of the Dead to be battered by earthquakes and falling rocks.

But Tom Bombadil was fine. Because he's Tom Bombadil.

[Meneltarmacil]

Fortunately*, Tom Bombadil annoyed Eru enough that he was forced to silence him by dropping him into a bottomless pit of doom.

*Seriously, would you want to spend the rest of your life listening to "Hey dol, merry dol, ring-a-dong-dillo?"

[High King Fingolfin]

Unfortunately, Thorondor decided to rescue him.

[Volo]

Fortunately, Thorondor was dead.

[Gil-Galad]

Unfortunately, Thorondor became a Zombie-King-Bird and still saved them

[Meneltarmacil]

Fortunately, Tom died because Thorondor smelled too bad, being a zombie and all.

[The Elf-warrior]

Unfortunately, Tom became a singing skeleton.

[Rikae]

Fortunately, the serious cat decided that this thread are too silly for mirth and ate the bird.

[Meneltarmacil]

Unfortunately, the not-so-serious dog ate the serious cat.

[Rikae]

Fortunately, he also decided to use Tom as a singing chew-toy.

[Meneltarmacil]

Unfortunately, the excessive amount of "ring-a-dong-dillo"s caused the dog to die of annoyance.

[Rikae]

Fortunately, the ring-a-dong dillos were frightened by the Morgo-yak, curled up into balls and rolled away.

[The Elf-warrior]

Unfortunately the Morgo-Yak discovered AOL instant messaging.

[Meneltarmacil]

Fortunately, Mount Zoom ran over his computer.

[Rikae]

Unfortunately, the computer was more durable than Mount Zoom, and the latter cracked, and the crack grew wider until the moon could be seen through it; and then Mount Zoom plunged into the tarn.

Or something like that.

[High King Fingolfin]

Fortunately, no one really liked Mount Zoom anyway.

[elronds_daughter]

Unfortunately, Mt. Zoom held the secrets of Life, the Universe, and Everything, and therefore had to be rebuilt.

[Rikae]

Fortunately, Mount Zoom had somehow reassembled itself as it fell, and was now upside-down in the tarn.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Unfortunately, answers to such questions were found in Elrond's library that exact moment.

[Nimrodel_9]

Fortunately someone who wanted to find the answers to these questions went to Elrond's library and used them to restore order to Middle-earth. :cool:

[The Might]

Unfortunately Elrond was angry because people used his library without asking first and he cursed them

[High King Fingolfin]

Fortunately, Elrond was never known for his cursing ability, and ended up cursing Wormtongue instead.

[Meneltarmacil]

Unfortunately, Wormtongue cursed him right back, turning him into an iguana.

[Nimrodel_9]

Fortunately, it was always Elrond's dream to become an iguana.

[The Elf-warrior]

Unfortunately, his recurring nightmare about being ran over by a car came true.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Fortunately, the books in Elrond's Library were donated to those who needed them; "How To Stay Clean On the Go" went to Aragorn, "Get Liked By the Fanbase" went to Legolas, "How To Not Look Like Plain Comic Relief" went to Gimil, "How To Not Steal People's Scenes" went to Arwen, "Filling Meals" went to Ungoliant, "How To Behave Like Actual, Likable People" went to the orcs, "How To Get Past Your Selfish Desires" went to Morgoth, "How To Use Your Brain" went to Sauron, "How To Not Look Dumb In Movies" went to Pippin, and "How To Stop People From Obsessing Over One Line" went to Gandalf.

[Nimrodel_9]

Unfortunately, Frodo threw a tantrum because he didn't get a book.

[Rikae]

Fortunately, then he got "How to widen your eyes in terror without looking wimpy."

[Meneltarmacil]

Unfortunately, the book was cursed.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Fortunately, it was a "get horribly depressed" curse, which negated itself when it came into contact with Frodo's already existing horrible depression.

[Nimrodel_9]

Unfortunately, it now made him EXTREMELY happy. :D :D :D

[Meneltarmacil]

Fortunately, he was better able to handle the quest that way...though it was rather annoying to others.

[Volo]

Unfortunately, Frodo's laughter made the Orcs notice Sam and kill him.

[Thinlómien]

Fortunately, Frodo was not killed and the quest could continue.

[Meneltarmacil]

Unfortunately, THE DRAGON CAME!

...again.

[Gil-Galad]

Fortunately, the Dragon tripped over Barad-Dash, which lately has been constantly breaking down more and more...

[High King Fingolfin]

Unfortunately, the Dragon also broke Mount Zoom, making it impossible for Frodo throw the Ring in.

[Precioussss]

Fortunately, Shagrat fixed Mount Zoom so Frodo could throw the Ring in.

[Boromir88]

Unfortunately by that time Frodo had lost the Ring.

[Nogrod]

Fortunately Sam was not that dead after all and had miraculously found the Ring.

[Mithalwen]

Fortunately Sam, who was well used to picking up after his master, had found it.

(You didn't think a silly little thing like death would stop him, did you? cf Pratchett's Mr Slant)

[Meneltarmacil]

Unfortunately, the Dragon ate Sam.

[The Might]

Fortunately Sam had some matches with him and so he made a fire inside the dragon causing him to let him go.

[Boromir88]

Unfortunately Sam was covered in dragon slime stench and no one wanted to be withing 49 feet of him.

[Meneltarmacil]

Fortunately, this included the Orcs.

[Elmo]

Unfortunately, this did not include the newly created orc race Uruk-smells-to-Hai-heaven

[Boromir88]

Fortunately they were tired of living under Sauron's oppression and decided to aid Sam in his quest.

[Meneltarmacil]

Unfortunately, the ground suddenly gave way and they all fell into the abyss.

[Elmo]

Fortunately, they have the miraculous Middle Earth characteristic of falling in to abysses and surviving

[The 1,000 Reader]

Unfortunately, they were all doomed to fall until they died of starvation.

[Rikae]

Unfortunately, as has been revealed before, those who fall into abysses and survive invariably develop an...exhibitionist streak...

[Meneltarmacil]

Fortunately, they starved before they could develop this disturbing tendency.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Unfortunately, the abyss started to spread.

[Meneltarmacil]

Fortunately, Bob the Troll sealed it with a great deal of cement.

[Elmo]

Unfortuantely, then the sun came out from behind a cloud turning poor Bob into a giant garden ornament :eek:

[Rikae]

Fortunately, he was standing in the Gaffer's garden at the time, and the Gaffer was quite pleased with the new piece of sculpture.

[Meneltarmacil]

Unfortunately, it fell over and squished him.

[Precioussss]

Fortunately, tha Gaffer didn't die

[Boromir88]

Unfortunately had had an enormous headache for the rest of his life.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Fortunately, he did not have long to live.

[The Might]

Unfortunately, he noticed that even dead he still had a headache

[High King Fingolfin]

Fortunately, wherever Hobbits go when they die has a great deal of aspirin handy.

[Elmo]

Unfortunately, the reason for all that aspirin was that hobbits had to share their afterlife with Lobelia Sacksville-Baggins

[The Might]

Fortunately, she wasn't allowed to take her umbrella with her in afterlife ;)

[The 1,000 Reader]

Unfortunately, that just made her more prone to whine, causing the said headaches.

[High King Fingolfin]

Fortunately, she reformed, making everyone happy in their afterlife.

[Lord Melkor]

Unfortunately this meant that the Hobbit afterlife economy, which was based on selling aspirin to dead Hobbits, could no longer support itself and all the Hobbit souls were cast into the Void after the Hobbit afterlife went bankrupt.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Fortunately, the void had to pay for the bankruptcy and had to sell property until it no longer existed anymore and everybody was back in Middle-Earth.

[Meneltarmacil]

Unfortunately, this included Morgoth.

[Tuor in Gondolin]

Fortunately Morgoth was unable to cause much commotion
since it was found he suffered from Lazy Legs Syndrome
and had to take many doses of HeadOn: apply directly to the head
HeadOn: apply directly to the head,
to ease the resultant headaches.