Crazy Captions

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The stink of Aragorn turned Gimli's beard white.

OR

Gloin: Why do you want to go around with that Legolas?

Gimli: He makes me look intelligent.

Gloin: Fare enough.

[Lhunardawen]

Gandalf has declared war against scissors, shears, and stuff like that.

[Gurthang]

Gloin: "Now, where did I put my eyebrows."

OR

Gimli's alter ego, Gimla! Notice the died hair and braided beard? Sure signs of cross-dressing!

OR

"...I left my body standing somewhere in the sands of time."
Gloin: "Yes, ahem, where is my body, exactly?"

OR

Gloin: "What most people don't realize about the beard is that you can hide your pipeweed in here!"

[The Only Real Estel]

The Pilgrims started a tradition when they sat down nervously to eat with uncivilized savages...a tradition we continue today as we dine with our relatives & in-laws. This particular picture is one that Hookbill found of *insert Downer's name*'s mother-in-law. :eek:

[The Only Real Estel]

One day while looking in the mirror, Cher finally realized it was time to hang it up.

[The Elf-warrior]

Gloin endures Elrond's rambling.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gloin saw the one thing he did not expect in Rivendel; Break-dancing Orcs.

OR

Gloin didn't really expect Elrond to get the whole council to join in the 'hockey-kockey' (I don't know if that is how you spell it)

OR yet

Gloin: Well, despite Gandalf uncloaking, Elrond dancing and Legolas pointing out the obvious, Rivendel isn't as bad as it was last time I was here. *Hears Tra-la-la-lally* I take it back. It's worse.

[Holbytlass]

Gloin: Relax?! I am relaxed!

[The Only Real Estel]

101 things a former celeb would never say
--------------------------------------------------------------

Michael Jackson: "My God. What have I done?"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Famous last words:

Gloin: How dangerous can a snake be? It doesn’t have any legs!

[Kath]

Gloin: Oh no! My eyebrows are getting closer and closer together!

[Gandalf_the _white]

Dumbledore accidentially stumbles upon the council of Elrond

[Gurthang]

Gloin has been offered a choice: a stockpile of gold, or a succulent(sp) feast. Hmm.... choices, choices, choices.

OR

A hobbit?! Looks like a footstool to me.

OR

Rip Van Gandalf.

[Holbytlass]

Gloin stepping into a salon, "Yes, I'd like some extentions, please."

[mormegil]

Gloin: Eh! What's this lad doing? Why does he think he's so funny by replacing me?


http://www.dor-lomin.org/trabajos/teatro-hobbit/teatro-hobbit-bilbo-trolls.jpg

Bilbo decided a new security system was in order so his things didn't "disappear" during this party.


Or

At the Spa of Bywater
Merry: What! This is the mangers special? I was expecting something a bit more relaxing.

Or

Farmer Maggots had spent too much time with Saruman and decided to create his own hybrid, he crossed Ents with his dogs and sent them to guard his crops from hobbits that would steal his mushrooms.

[Glirdan]

Bilbo was quite surprised at who the three Werewolves were.

[Anguirel]

Poor Bilbo tries unsuccessfully to evade the Bracegirdle sisters at the Michel Delving Annual Ball...

[Valesse]

Bilbo and the three trolls decided to make a quartet which rocked Middle Earth until three days after when, mysteriously, the lead vocalist went missing.

In other news Mr. B. Huggins would like to announce his new brand of chili.

OR

Bilbo: But da'rs sh-no blood in my ale, officers!

OR

Bilbo: Imagine it! As far as the eye can see elves that you can squash into lo-carb, high protein, fast acting, muscle growing, arthritis curing, sinus clearing, omega-D carrying, vitamin rich, better-than-your-mother-makes it chili!
Huggins: It's almost too good to be real...*sniff*

[Glirdan]

Bilbo chose the wrong door when he was on The Price is Right.

or

Bilbo: Aragorn!?!? Is that you!?!? MAN you need a bath!!!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

This is why Bilbo never went to visit the Sack-vill-Bagginses.

OR

Aragorn's family was always eager to supply all the needs of their guests.

[luthien-elvenprincess]

Bilbo, "Hold it everyone, no one move...I lost my contact!

[Meela]

An illustration from 101 Ways To Cheat When Playing 'What's It Got In Its Pocketses'.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Bilbo: Hang on lads! I've got a great idea!

OR

William: This isn't Captain obvious?

Burt: No, this is General ignorance.

[littlemanpoet]

Bilbo: "Really, guys, one dance partner at a time, please."

[Roa_Aoife]

Come see "There and Back Again: The Musical Adventures of a Hobbit!" Starring all of your favorite characters! Now performing off Broadway.

And don't miss the newest production, LOTR- On Ice! Coming this Christmas!

[The Only Real Estel]

Three guards: "We're sorry, sir, but the hotel's fountain is not for swimming in & you do not have swimwear. We're going to have to ask you to leave."

[Maeggaladiel]

An unsuspecting Frodo Baggins is apprehended by a trio of Tusken Raiders! Will Aragorn Skywalker be able to rescue him before the Tuskens sell him to Ugluk the Hutt?

OR

"OOOOOOOOH-KLAHOMA WHERE THE WIND BLOWS OVAH--"

[Lhunardawen]

Somehow those thingamajigs weren't convinced that Bilbo was one of them.

OR

Bilbo: "Excuse me, sir. This is a horrible nightmare. Will you be so kind as to pinch me until I wake?"

[Holbytlass]

The Lakemen were distantly related to the creature from the Black Lagoon.

[Ordimor]

I'm NOT in a reggae band ... not that their's anything wrong with it!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Bilbo: Look; all I meant was that your mother must have had all of your ugly aspects... which means all of your beautiful aspects... wherever they are.

[Gandalf_the _white]

The three things:Saved your life!!
Bilbo(turning around):wow you nearly pushed me off that... AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lalwendë]

Bilbo is horrified when he is caught by Trinny and Susannah for one of their wardrobe makeovers.

[Gurthang]

Frodo has nightmares of Sam, Merry, and Pippin.

OR

Frodo has hallucinations of Sam, Merry, and Pippin. (Too much ale!)

OR

Frodo hasn't realized that these things are not Sam, Merry, and Pippin.

OR

Frodo has given up on trying to make Sam, Merry, and Pippin look appealing to hobbit lasses.

[littlemanpoet]

(From the previous page)

Gloin: Just remember, we Dwarves were made from stone, so when we have gallstones, there's really no reason to smile. And don't even ask me about hemorrhoids!

(from this page)

...from Peter Jackson's operatic effort, "Der Herr von dem Ringgen"

[Lalwendë]

Blast from the past...

Bilbo's elation at managing to save Bag End was marred when he went into the wine cellar and found that Swampy and his fellow eco-warriors had been using the place as a squat.

[Lhunardawen]

Bilbo discovers the existence of Moria mutants...the hard way.

[Morsul the Dark]

Bilbo joins a cult and is quickly ascended to the top because of his connection with the dark lord

Bilbo:teg eht rehto stibboh yeht tsum eid ym souicerp sdneped no ti!!!

[dancing spawn of ungoliant]

Discovering that the dust mites had grown quite a bit, Bilbo decided that it was time to clean the attic.

[Valesse]

Few questioned were raise while Samwise was mayor, and for good reason.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

William: What are you?

Bilbo: Bilbo Baggins! A bur- a Hobbit!

William: A Bur-a-hobbit? What’s that?

Tom: According to my book of foods, it’s poisonous. If it were a hobbit, then we'd be okay. These Bur-a-hobbits are dangerous!

[Gurthang]

Bilbo's confounded relatives, the ones that were 'always hanging on the bell', have finally caught up to him, and they are most displeased by his lack of hospitality.

[malkatoj]

Little do people know, Bilbo originally tried out for Eric Idle's role in Life of Brian. Unfortunately, the Pythons were not impressed by his replacing the cross with a bunch of orcs for "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life."

[Ordimor]

With a can opener on his hip and a song in his heart, he tried his best to swoon the three lovelies!

[Roa_Aoife]

Bilbo: Hold it, guys, time for a new pic.

http://www.compleatseanbean.com/lotr-14.jpg

Boromir: What is that horrid creature?
Faramir (off-screen): Gandalf decided to uncloak again.

[Fordim Hedgethistle]

BilboAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Trolls: That's wot we call the 'atomic wedgie'.

[The Elf-warrior]

Don Juan never triumphs. OR

Bilbo is carried away by martians.

[Kitanna]

Boromir: Aragorn...bathed? Impossible.

[Meela]

Boromir discovers the real Isildur's Bane: the One Donut Ring.

Boromir: Curse you, Faramir, and your dratted donut addiction! You said this time the dream was for real.

OR

Boromir hasn't even crossed the Gondorian border and he's already caught a whiff of Aragorn.

[mormegil]

Boromir's eye test at Lothlorien

Boromir: I see a T, R, A, I, T, O, R

Galadriel: As do I.

[Valesse]

Its a bird...! Its a plane...! Its a...
Boromir: I really don't know what that is...
Bombur Billboard.

OR

Boromir was suprised when the mothership that his shield had came from reappeared now seemingly concerned and searching for it's long lost young.

[Gurthang]

Boromir sits dumbfoundedly watching a strange man ride away, a strange man who just branded his horse 'theoneringnet'.

OR

It's the new hit show: Ringnet!
Boromir: "Just the facts ma'am, just the facts."

OR

Boromir: "I see the Eastern sky grow dark... it must be nightime."

OR

Boromir: "But father, I'm already wearing 15 pieces of flare! I think I'd collapse if I put on another!"

[The Only Real Estel]

Boromir: "What's this? Orcs...breakdancing!?" :eek:

[mormegil]

After days in the saddle Boromir is introduced to Preparation-H

PS I really tired to locate how to say preparation in Sindarin but I couldn't :mad:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Boromir finds out why you shouldn't take LSD while listening to THe Dark Side of the Moon and riding a horse.

Boromir: Where am I?

Elrond: Rivendel.

Boromir: Silence, rhinoceros! I was talking to the wall!

[Formendacil]

Boromir: "Is that a... dagger... I see before me?"

[HerenIstarion]

Bilbo:
I see a little silhouetto of a man
Scaramouch, scaramouch will you do the fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning - very very frightening me!

Trolls:
Gallileo, Gallileo,
Gallileo, Gallileo,
Gallileo Figaro - magnifico!

Boromir (reflecting): Whom he calls 'little'? Or does he mean me at all? Scaramouch? What is fandango anyways? And those dudes are foreign, sure!

Bilbo:
But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me!

Trolls:
He's just a poor boy from a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity!

Boromir (refliecting): Is he? Do I see gold buttons on his waistcoat or what? But 'monstrosity' is to the T! I would not call it fashionable wearing red waistcoat with yellow shirt. Tastelessness!

Bilbo:
Easy come easy go - will you let me go?

Trolls:
Bismillah! No - we will not let you go - let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go - let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go - let me go
Will not let you go - let me go (never)
Never let you go - let me go
Never let me go - ooo
No, no, no, no, no, no, no...

Bilbo:
Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me
for me
for me!

Boromir (reflecting): Now this one started foreign gibberish too. Obviously, they've ate too much mushrooms. I better ride off.

(Boromir makes off. Bilbo and trolls stop singing)

Bilbo: Frodo, Frodo, my lad, come out. He wan't take you know what from you, we've scared him off!

[The Only Real Estel]

Upon ariving in Rivendell, Boromir heard the famed Elven Christmas Caroling group singing "Angels We Have Heard On High."

Boromir: "How do they hold that entire 'Glo - - - - - - - - - ri - a' without passing out!?"

[Lalwendë]

Filming for Lord of the Rings 0.5 - Battle for Osgiliath, Boromir's Nemesis is halted as Sean Bean awaits the dreaded news about Neil Warnock deserting the Blades.



OR



Sean catches sight of himself in the mirror and is displeased. "You swines, you gave me a Ricky Gervais beard. I don't want to be remembered as the David Brent of Middle-earth?"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Boromir dose not quite know how to react to a thousand Pizzas turning up at his door. Merry and Pippin are hid behind the sofa and chuckling to themselves.

[Holbytlass]

Boromir: I endure blistering winds and scorching deserts. I climb to the tallest, bloody room at the tallest, bloody tower and what do I find!! Some gender confused wolf telling me my ring has been claimed by a hobbit!

[Gurthang]

Boromir: "I see the Estern sky grow dark... it must be nighttime!"

OR

Boromir is speechless after discovering a Starbucks in Rivendel.

OR

Boromir: "I smell... *sniff sniff* Pizza! Ahmmm!"

[Valesse]

Boromir: The hills are alive with the sound of music...! With songs they have sung for a thousand years...! My heart beats in tune... with the sound of music...!
(Boromir's horse rolls over and dies.)

OR

Boromir: Hey! That cloud looks like a bunny! Faramir! Doesn't that cloud look like a bunny?
Faramir: I'd say it seems to be more like a wooly rhinoceros.
Boromir: ...Shut your noise hole.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

When he saw some Lembas floating in front of him, Boromir had to admit he was addicted.

OR

Faramir: Don't look at it!

Boromir: I can't help it! It's so beautiful! AAAGH!

[Gandalf_the _white]

Denethor:So boys what you talking about?
Boromir:errr.... nothing
Faramir:Look out! Gandalfs uncloaking behind you!
Denethor: (turning around) Where?
Faramir and Boromir together:RUN!!!!!!!!
later that day....
Faramir:I think we lost
Boromir:Yea "Gandalfs uncloaking behind you!" Geni.. Uhoh!
Faramir:What?
Boromir: Dad found us!!! RUN!!!!
Denethor:Come back boys!!!!!!!!!

[Boromir88]

Boromir: Cool, a statue of Elendil the Tall! And it's life size!

OR

Boromir spots a Pretty blonde-haired Elf in the window, but unbeknowest to him it was Legolas.

OR

Boromir's horse hits a speed bump.

[Lalwendë]

Boromir chances upon The Prancing Pony and has a Homer moment. "Mmmmm, beeer......"

[The Elf-warrior]

Little did Boromir know that Pippin had painted a target on his shield.

[Ordimor]

Boromir: I knew that I should have made a left turn at Albuquerque!

[Gurthang]

Boromir: I knew that I should have made a left turn at Albuquerque!

Boromir: "...Stupid MapQuest!"

[Lhunardawen]

Boromir realized that he left his horse in Rivendell.

What you see there is a balding man's head.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Boromir: Wow! A NEW picture!

Horse: It's only a model.

Boromir: Shh!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v604/hukbillgoomba/Crazy%20captions/grima_theoden_early.jpg

Grima: what do you mean ugly? I'll have you know Théoden is now at the height of fashion!

Théoden: They went talking to me.

OR

Théoden: Not now Gandalf.

[mormegil]

Grima: What's that you say Gandalf Stormcrow? Fish net stockings are for the legs? Well I could have sworn they were for the arms. What say you Theoden?

Theoden: Grima I've been trying to tell you this for years

[Gurthang]

Theoden: "Ihm oove tuo guh to teh bootrum."(I have to go to the bathroom."
Grima: "Theoden has just declared me in charge of the country!"

OR

Grima: "But I called Seat-back!"

OR

Ozzie Osbourne suddenly appears beside Theoden's throne, although no one recongnizes him with out his sunglasses.

OR

Carnaval Attendant: "Please, sir, you'll have to find a seat to ride the carousel."

[Holbytlass]

You would look as bad as them if Legolas swiped all your hair care paraphenalia!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Grima has an old man hired to stand (or sit) near him so that he doesn’t look so ugly in comparison... It didn't work.

[Morsul the Dark]

As Gandalf tells his long tale Grima and theoden sit bewildered confused but most important annoyed

[Lalwendë]

Grima's attempt to show off his latest action figure to his mates is thwarted when he can't find the button on the back that makes Theoden drool.

[Anguirel]

Inside the Barrow-Downs: what things are really like in the moderators' forum...

[The Only Real Estel]

Grima: "I see dead people!"

Ghost: "Look, I don't look nearly as scary as you two so just lay off, okay?"

[Roa_Aoife]

Little orphan (to the side): Please, sir, I want some more.
Grima: MORE!?!?!?!

[Mithalwen]

HAMLET
What?

Ghost
I am thy father's spirit,
Doom'd for a certain term to walk the night,
And for the day confined to fast in fires,
Till the foul crimes done in my days of nature
Are burnt and purged away. But that I am forbid
To tell the secrets of my prison-house,
I could a tale unfold whose lightest word
Would harrow up thy soul, freeze thy young blood,
Make thy two eyes, like stars, start from their spheres,
Thy knotted and combined locks to part
And each particular hair to stand on end,
Like quills upon the fretful porpentine:
But this eternal blazon must not be
To ears of flesh and blood. List, list, O, list!
If thou didst ever thy dear father love--

HAMLET
O God!

[dancing spawn of ungoliant]

There were few kids who wanted to sit on Santa's lap that year.

or

Two typical wolves (already half transformed) - Grima is a loudmouth and Theoden is trying to fly under the radar.

[Formendacil]

An ugly old man and his ugly old wife...

[The Saucepan Man]

Theoden regrets being persuaded by Wormtongue to test-drive his newly invented time-travel machine.

[mormegil]

Gimli latest outbreak of flatulence was simply one too many for Grima and Theoden.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Grima searches behind the throne.

Worm: Where's my secret rum stash?

Théoden: he he he! *hiccup*!

[Mithalwen]

Grima auditions to be an Ozzy Osbourne Lookalike..... "Sharon......!!!!"

[Boromir88]

Theoden and Grima try desperately to get away from the giant shadowy hand of death!

[Gandalf_the _white]

Snape mistook Theoden for being Dumbledore, big mistake

[Kath]

Grima: You're kidding me? Legolas was the wolf! That Captain Obvious routine really had me fooled.

[Kitanna]

Grima and Theoden are confused and horrified by Legolas' nude rendition of The Silmarillion.

[Gurthang]

Grima: "Look! The Pizza is here."
Theoden: "Oh, gross. You got pineapple again, didn't you."

OR

Grima: "Look at that beautiful girl!"
Theoden: "Drat, I can't see around the column!"

OR

Grima: "Ha-ha! Theoden has to sit in time-out chair!"
Theoden: :mad:
Gandalf: "For that comment, Grima, you'll be next."
Grima: :(

[Boromir88]

Grima: How dare you call Lord Theoden old! Can't you see he's in his prime!

[Ordimor]

Theoden (as Santa) : HO! HO! HO!

Grima (in best xmas elf voice): C'mon kid tell Santa what you want!

Theoden: HO! HO! HO!

Theoden: How about a nice football?

Legolas (off screen): Football? Football? What's a football? With an unconscious will my voice squeaked out 'football'.

Theoden: Okay, get him out of here.

Grima: Beat it kid!

Legolas: No! No! I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Bow and Arrow!

Theoden: You'll shoot your eye out, kid.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Théoden wonders if the wooden horses on his throne will pull him along...

[Lhunardawen]

Eowyn (in the background): Sorry, unc...he really is better-looking.

[The Only Real Estel]

Apparently, Theoden has been watching the uncut version of this for years now...

Grima: "What's this you're watching? What's he saying? 'They're..taking the hobbits...to Isengard? (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showthread.php?t=12145) "

[Bêthberry]

Theoden: "You don't say! Gandalf put a burr under your saddle?"

[Lalwendë]

Grima: "Gandalf, I really would advise that you do not provoke Theoden into uncloaking. Can you not tell from his head-dress that underneath these shabby robes he is wearing his Wonder Woman outfit?"

[luthien-elvenprincess]

Grima: oh my gosh...did y'all see that...that box elder bug flew right outta the king's hair! Those things really can last all winter if they find a warm spot!

[Meela]

Grima silently prays that whatever just disintegrated beneath his fingers was dust.

OR

Eowyn went Goth.

[Valesse]

"Hip Uncle" Theoden is interupted in the middle of his "mad flow" just before Grima "Home-slice" Wormtongue could join in with his impressive beat box routine.

Soon afterwards the first and only Rohan Rap group split up due to a dispute between the members.

[Boromir88]

Theoden: What's that grotesque thing?

Grima: Why, it's a new pic!

http://www.tlotr.com/film_pictures/newpics_020404/rotk_gollum.jpg

Sam: Turn around and count to 20. And this time, no peeking!

Gollum: Peeking? Peeking? Very nice friend, oh yes precious very nice. All's we do is play nice hide-and-seek with nice hobbitses and fat one says peeking! Peeking!

[Glirdan]

Gollum: Where's my hair!?!?

or

Sam: Next time I say jump, you say how high! Got it!?

Gollum: What is the stupid fat hobitsess saying!? :confused:

[Oddwen]

Sam: BANG! You're dead!
Gollum: Huh?!

Or...

Sam: Hey! You've got three belly buttons!

Or...

Sam: Hey! Nice six-pack!

Or...

Sam: Hey, that's a nasty cut on your elbow. Someone should look at that.

[Boromir88]

Sam doesn't it take it so well that Gollum accused him of taking his wig.

[mormegil]

Sam: You villian, you don't even really exist and shouldn't be here. You're a computer generated image

Gollum: What's he mean precious, what's a computer generated image?

Sam: Ah you know, the Gaffer's delight, COM-PU-TUR GEN-UR-ATED IM-AJ you can tweek 'em distort 'em put 'em in a stew.

[The Elf-warrior]

Grima plots to become the Disco King. OR

Grima: "Is this a dagger which I see before me?"
Theoden: "It's a false creation of your heat-oppressed brain." OR

Grima: "Ha,ha,ha! That fool is arguing with a statue." OR

Grima: "Nobody tosses an evil counselor!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Samwise: "Now look, Gollum; it's not polite to not respond when someone says hello. (Pauses.) All right, I'll smack you if you don't say anything! (Sam smacks Gollum.) Ow! You are nothing but a statue!" (He storms away.)

[Valesse]

Sam: Hey.. Stinker... Pull my finger.

OR

Gollum (thinking): hmm..tempting, but the I prefer my hobbit fingers (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showpost.php?p=411752&postcount=8) lean.

OR

(Sam pokes Gollum's stomach)
Gollum (ala Pillsbury doughboy): HmmHmm!

[Ordimor]

Sam: Hey.. Stinker... Pull my finger.




HAAHAAHAA!!!!

I don't know if I can compete with that one!!!!

[Gurthang]

Sam and Gollum in the championship match for the staring contests.

OR

Sam: "Hey, you're using my scarf as a loincloth!"

OR

Sam: "I bet you can't lick your elbow."

OR

Gollum watches in horror as Sam's hair begins to eat Sam's head. He quickly checks to make sure he doesn't have any hair.

OR

Gollum(thinking): "Eww! What's that between his teeth!"

OR

Gollum: "Wow, this is Gurthang's 800th Post!"

[The Only Real Estel]

Smeagol: "What? I do have problems with hair loss!? And all this time, my friends never told me..."

Gollum: "We told you, Precious, yes, many times, we told you!"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Sam: And another thing! I think you've got far too much... What are you staring at?

Gollum: Why has that grey man got no cloak?

Sam: Ah... Mr. Frodo, Don't turn around!

OR

Sam: Look, its quite simple! If the ball passes the boundary without bouncing, then it’s a 6, if it dose bounce its only 4. If the ball its the stumps then you're out.

Gollum: ...?

OR YET!

Sam tells Gollum that there is no Father Christmas!

Gollum: :(

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Gollum finally learns the truth about Santa Claus.

[Mithalwen]

Sam points out that Gollum has mistaken Immac for Elnett.....

*Immac is hair remover while Elnett is hairspray... for those people to whom these brand names mean nothing......

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gollum sees the large pimple on Sam's nose start to dance.

OR

Sam: Put your hands up! This is a gun!

Gollum: ?

[The Only Real Estel]

Gollum puts on his best innocent look when questioned about the tacks on Sam's seat.

[Gurthang]

Sam: "We're out of Pizza."
Gollum: :eek:

OR

Anorexic Smeagol is shocked to tears when 'the fat one' says he looks a bit chubby himself.

OR

Sam: "Don't give me those puppy-dog eyes! You can't eat my arm and don't ask again!"

[Maeggaladiel]

Sam gets his first directing job on LOTR: THE MUSICAL

Sam- No, no NO! You're doing it all wrong! You CAN'T have a duet with YOURSELF!!

Smeagol- But, we's two people, precious!

Gollum- Yess, we are!

[Formendacil]

Gollum: "Is this a hobbit I see before me?"

[mormegil]

Sam: The Pythagorean Theorem states thata2 + b2 = c2, it's really quite simple if you just think about it. How can you learn quantum physics without understand this basic principle of geometry?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gollum finds out that his long journey to the North Poll was in vain as it turns out Penguins live in the South Poll.

[Lalwendë]

Gollum is dumbfounded as Sam exclaims: "Cool! You're the little fella with the light up finger aren't you? So you didn't 'Go Home' after all? Where did Elliott hide you? Hey, is there going to be a sequel?"

[Boromir88]

Sam: You're fired.

[Lalwendë]

Sam: "A great best man you turned out to be! Bringing the Ring on the stag night to Mount Doom and then getting plastered and dancing like an idiot and losing it in that ruddy big 'ole!"

[Gothmog]

Gollum: But do they have wings or not?
Sam: Well, if we look at the facts..................

OR

Gollum: I don't understand. Who saved Frodo if it wasn't Arwen?
Sam: Well, there's this guy Glorfindel...
Gollum: But didn't he die at the fall of Gondolin? I don't get it

OR

Gollum: Why can Legolas run on the snow, but I can't?
Sam: Well, I think that...................

OR

Gollum: Is Eru God? What do you mean by that? Do you mean that Eru is Tolkien's God, the God of ME or the one and only God?
Sam: Come on, don't do this to me... Not now, I'm too tired!

OR

Gollum: Round eares? Aren't they pointy?
Sam:..........

OR

Gollum: I'm supposed to cast myself and the ring into the fire? But what will Eru do then? Make me trip or what?
Sam:...........

And so on.......

And something totally unrelated:

Sam: Did you take my baby-blue contacts?
Gollum: Take? Me? Gollum doesn't know what fat hobbit is talking about!

[Gil-Galad]

Sam: i never wanted to be a gardener... i always wanted to be... A LUMBERJACK! swinging from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of Ossiriand!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

It seems that Sam's nose is trying to escape from his face.

OR

Sam: Wasn’t Bag-End just here?

Gollum We doesn’t know what it means...

[Maeggaladiel]

Smeagol knew something was wrong the minute Sam looked at him. Since when did hobbits have three eyeballs?

[Gothmog]

Sam: It's you! You, you stinking creature!
Gollum: What does it mean "you"? Me or...
Gollum: ...me?
Gollum: We don't know my precioussss
Gollum: Precious? Really? Oh, thank me!
Gollum: Me is welcome
Gollum: Me is always so polite! But what about fat hobbit?
Gollum: No, he is not me nor polite. Lets bite him!
Gollum: Yes, we do that.......

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Sam: No, no, no! You don't rip it open and eat it all at once. It's an advent calendar : CA - LEN - DAR! That means one a day. See? You open one little window and there's one chocolate for you to eat, and tomorrow you can have the next one.

Gollum: One chocolateses to rule them all? But chocolateses is my precious. We wants them, we wants them all!!

Sam: Oh, you're hopeless!

[Holbytlass]

Gollum: Bludger? Eh, what's bludger? I didn't make it hit you, maybes someone who lookes like Ssmeagol, stupid fat hobbit.

[Lalwendë]

Sam: "Don't cry any more Smeagol! Look, I've found your contact lens."

[Boromir88]

Gollum tries to imagine what Sam means when he said he'd hit him with something larger than a rock if he didn't stop making jokes about Momma Gamgee.

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Sam explaining Gollum just how to use The One Ring.

[Lhunardawen]

Gollum at his best in a game of Statues.

[dancing spawn of ungoliant]

Sam: Repeat after me as fast as you can: A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.
Gollum: ..?

[Gothmog]

Sam: Repeat after me as fast as you can: A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.
Gollum: ..?

Sam: Is that to hard? Well, ok. Try this: Three switched witches watch three Swatch watch switches. Which switched witch watch which Swatch watch switch?
Gollum................???????????????

OR

Sam: And that hair cut is soooo last year.
Gollum: What does it say, precious? My hair is wrong? Noooooooo...

OR

Sam: And what's that then? Aha, I got you, you stinker!
Gollum: That's my elbow. Are fat hobbit all right? To much Mordor Water again?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gollum is horrified by the new picture

Sam: It's your fault they are replacing us!

http://img-nex.theonering.net/images/scrapbook/1776.jpg

Bilbo: Mmm! This cake will be delicious-... Okay, which one of you stole it? :mad:

OR

Bilbo's Robot Dance wasn't really understood in Middle Earth.

[Boromir88]

Instead of telling the Hobbit Children a simple story, Bilbo sings them an opera..."Figuero! Figuero!"

[Glirdan]

Unknown to Bilbo, everyone behind him was a Wolf plotting to attack him that Night.

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Despite his brushes with wolves and dragons, Bilbo's scariest stories involved arthritis and false teeth.

or

"My Arkenstone was beautiful; it was this big!"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Bilbo sat on a splinter.

OR

Bilbo: What have I got in my pocket?

[Lalwendë]

Bilbo's Tommy Cooper impersonation was lost on the little Hobbits, who were too young to understand.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Bilbo's Tommy Cooper impersonation was lost on the little Hobbits, who were too young to understand.

Bilbo: Watch me at the speech! I'll disappear... Just like that!

[Kitanna]

Bilbo: And then I ate this huge taco!
Hobbit children: How big was it Bilbo?
Bilbo: This big!

[Gothmog]

Bilbo's impersonation of Ozzy in his show amused the young hobbits. It was perfect!

OR

Bilbo: What am I suppossed to do with you then? When they asked me what I wanted for present, I said "You're young, you'll think of something" not "your young, you'll think of something"!

(look at the boy in front, the left one of the two with their heads turned a bit. Is it a young Frodo I see? :))

[Bêthberry]

Bilbo: "I ended up with just this tiny ring, but the fish that got away was this big. "

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Bilbo: I mean it! This arthritis it really bad! Someone call a doctor! Don't just sit there giggling! I need medical attention!

Children: :D

[Boromir88]

The Hobbit children stare on in confusion as Bilbo goes on about "huge tracks of land."

[Meela]

Bilbo fails his Santa audition when he accidentally drops the Hobbit child on the ground.

[Mithalwen]

The hobbit children were mesmerised .... not by the story but by the tantalising selection of food on the table behind him.... when would the old buffer shut up and let them eat?

[davem]

Bilbo discovers which hobbit has stolen the Ring:

'Fatty Bolger! I thought I recognised that A***!'

[Alcarillo]

Bilbo just can't get the children's attention off of the hobbit drinking the whole barrel of punch.

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Bilbo had placed him self strategic wrong, when he tried to convince the children that all the foot had been eaten.

[Valesse]

Bilbo: Okay, we've been at this all day without getting anywhere. N tell me how do I get from Munchkinland back to Hobbiton quick and simple?

OR

Bilbo has flashbacks of the Mirkwood spiders during an unopprotune moment.

OR

Bilbo: Haha, very funny. Now which one of you little squirts has my pocket watch?

[Ordimor]

Alright now children - if everybody grabs a finger and pulls them all at the same time we'll show Gandalf some real fireworks! :p

[Gurthang]

Bilbo: "Now, Frodo...What? You're not Frodo?... Are you Frodo? BLAST Which of you is Frodo! You all look the same!"

OR

Bilbo can't believe that the hobbit children are more interested in the piece of pottery sitting beside him then they are in him.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Bilbo: Look, for the last time, I don't have your money! Can you come back on Monday?

OR

The Hobbit Children sit patiently as mad Baggins goes on about inn-sewer-ants.

(Go Pratchet!)

[Maeggaladiel]

It was a rousing game of "Who Can Entertain the Children." And so far, the porcelain mug seemed to be winning.

OR

The children loved watching Uncle Bilbo do "The Robot," especially when his back gave out on him in the process.

[Lhunardawen]

Bilbo: Don't you understand the words coming out of my mouth?!!

[luthien-elvenprincess]

Bilbo, "But...I like you all...you remind me of myself when I was young and stupid...now will you just go away? And quit pouring water into my rain guage at night!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Bilbo accidentally says there is no Father Christmas! :eek:

OR

Bilbo: Have any of you seen a little gold ring? I'm sure I put it somewhere around here.

[Gandalf_the _white]

Bilbo: Whatsa matter you?
Children: Hey!
Bilbo: Gotta no respect.
Children: Hey!
etc...

[Gurthang]

Bilbo: "Can you hear me now?"

OR

Bilbo: "I am Chuck Norris! I will fight you!"

[Boromir88]

Bilbo: I lost my scrapbook full of pictures! Why it was just right here. It had all sorts of snapshots from my journey.

Hobbit Child: Is this it Uncle Bilbo?

Bilbo: Woo, a new pic! Hey, how'd that one get in there?

http://www.tlotr.com/film_pictures/character_pics/merry_pippin_lotrextended.jpg

This is what happens when Pippin has had too many drinks...

Pippin: Ol' Bilbo Baggins had a farm, ee-ii-ee-ii-ooo. And on that farm he had a pig, ee-ii-ee-ii-ooo. With an oink, oink here, oink, oink, there, here an oink, there an oink, everywhere an oink oink. Ol' Bilbo had a farm, ee-ii-ee-ii-ooo.

[Kitanna]

Pippin: Sam stepped in what?! HAHA!

or

Merry drops a brick on Pippin's toe.

[The Only Real Estel]

For those of you who've seen a lot of Family Guy...

Bilbo: "So there I was. Surrounded by three monstrous trolls! And they were all arguing about how they were going to – Uh-oh.” :eek:

-OR-

Poor Uncle Bilbo wet himself at the sight of one of those monsters from The Village. (see right side)

[Eonwe]

Pippin: It's time to look sooooo good (in scarves!).

[Ordimor]

Merry: Have you ever sang that song with a "wedgish" accent?

Pippin: Uh .. a what?

... ripping sound ...

Pippin: AAAHHHHHHH !!!!

[The Only Real Estel]

It's all fun and games at the Green Dragon until a badly drunk Pippin drapes a boa constrictor around his neck.

[Ordimor]

Merry and Pippin were the last two contestants in the Paul Lynde look-alike contest.

[The Elf-warrior]

M&P thought that Gimli's singing was a riot.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Pippin seems to have sat on a spike. Merry thinks its amusing.

OR

The returning champions of the fly catching contest set about defending their title.

[luthien-elvenprincess]

Pippen, "Alright!!! We just won an all-expense paid trip to...where was that place Merry?"

Merry, "uh...I don't know...Mordo...Moron...Mordor or somewhere...who cares, we're goin, man!

Pippen, "Yeah! Do ya think the motel has a full buffet for breakfast?"

[Maeggaladiel]

Merry's ventriloquism dummy was a big hit at parties.


OR


Merry didn't realize that Pippin WASN'T joking about the approaching giant spiders until it was too late. Why, oh why did Bilbo let Frodo keep Shelob in the basement?

[HerenIstarion]

M. What does mine say?
P. Cool! And what does mine say?
M. Sweet! And what does mine say?
P. Cool! And what does mine say?
M. Sweet! And what... etc

[Meela]

A well-placed pinch from Merry helps Pippin hit that high C he's always wanted.

[Oddwen]

For the Bilbo pic:

B: There I was at the mercy of three monstrous...is he looking? Please, you've got to help me! I'm being held captive in my own hole by a mad naked Wizard!

Or...

B: Whaat? Whaaat? You not put mushroomps in zoup? Why you not put mushroomps in zoup? I ask-a you to put mushroomps in zoup, you not put mushroomps in zoup. What, you zink all I do all day is put mushroomps in zoup?

Or...

Bilbo: Doesn't anyone here speak a word of Westron?!?

Child: Klaatu Barada Niktau.

Children: *giggle*

Or...

B: And then they Sent me to Mordor! I ask you, is that fair?

Or...

Bilbo the Conductor gets increasingly frustrated with his musicians.

Or...

Bilbo the Evil Sorcerer calls from the ground his Army of Death!

Or...

Bilbo the Mime pretends to lift a cauldron of beer to his lips!

Or (to play off Hooky)...
B: Yes yes, I'll have your money, just give me a few days! What? My...my table of food? But...but...take anything, just not my table of food!

Or...

B: Nothing up my sleeve...

Or...

B: A little shake, a few magic words, lalla ralla balla bam!! Your penny is gone!
Small child: I want my penny! MOMMIE! HE STOLE MY PENNY!

Or...

B: I'm telling you, they don't make 'em like that anymore!

Or...

B: Okay, here's what you do...go to the fireworks cart, find the biggest firework, and meet me outside the party grounds at oh, ninteen hundred.

Or...

B: I'm making you guys the deal of a lifetime! For a limited time, you can get *two* Rings of Power for the price of one, with free shipping! As seen on Palantiri!

Or...

B: I tell you what I want in a woman, I want a stomach this big!

Or...maybe I should stop.

[mormegil]

From the TV: Oops! Did I do that?

Pippin: *laughing hysterically* That Urkel (http://www.dcist.com/images/2005_0308_urkel.jpg), he's hilarious

Merry: I know where can the writters think of such things.

[Gurthang]

Pippin: "I feel so tall!"

OR

Pippin doesn't realize that there's a snake around his neck.

OR

Merry and Pippin: "Pizza!"

OR

Merry: "Hey Pip! Did you hear the one about the smart blonde?!"
Pippin: "Of course not! There are no smart blondes!"*

OR

Merry and Pippin: proof that ale and pipeweed do not mix well.

OR

Pippin: "I love my lips!"


*This 'blonde joke' is not meant to offend or degrade. It is merely the exploitation of a well known stereotype for humorous purposes. Any complaints or questions should be directed to me.

[dancing spawn of ungoliant]

Merry & Pippin: We're Hobbits of the Round Table.
We dance whene'er we're able.
We do routines and chorus scenes
With footwork impeccable...

[Roa_Aoife]

Merry found Pippin's Dominic Deegan impression quite amusing, but he found the Seer's revenge hilarious.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Merry: Pippin? A knight of Gondor? Laughable!

Pippin: Yeah! That's just - wait a minuet!

OR

Merry: Did you hear that, Pip? Gandalf the grey uncloaked indeed! That would never happen! Ha ha ha! Pip? PIP? :eek:

[Mithalwen]

Pippin:" SO then I bribed Gandalf with a a case of Old winyards and some Longbottom Leaf to tell cousin Frodo that this old ring was not only a magic ring but the "One Ring to Rule all other Rings" and that he had to take it to be destroyed in Mordor - and he believed me... he's sold his house and everything!!!!"

Merry: " And the ring in fact? "

Pippin: "Came from Lobelia's curtains"

[The Only Real Estel]

As evidenced here, Napolean Dynamite is just as funny the 43rd time as the 1st time.

[The Elf-warrior]

Merry: "There are no Morlocks in Middle-earth!"

Frodo: (Offfscreen.) "Oh, yeah? Well, take a look at the next picture."
http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d78/ShelobsBane/lotr-3-0444-gollum-capture.jpg

Frodo: "Duck season!"

Gollum: "No, Hobbit season, my precious!"

[Kitanna]

A spirited game of Keep Away, Middle-Earth style.

[mormegil]

Gollum just didn't understand why Sam kept telling him to fetch.

[Ordimor]

Frodo, Sam and Gollum reenact the famous 3-way shootout scene for "The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly.

[HerenIstarion]

Gollum: It is ours-s-s, precious-sss is-s-s ours-ss, at las-s-st, at las-sst!
Sam: Mr. Frodo, he is alive, Stinker is alive! But I saw him fall down them Cracks of Doom or whatever!
Frodo: Yes, Sam, so I see. But poor thing is all grey and cindered...
Sam: Poor thing?! Poor thing?! He bit your poor finger off! But never mind, Mr. Frodo I'll lay my hands on him!
Gollum: It can't, it can't! Nas-s-sty rude hobbit can't, can it? Precious-s-ss makes-ss us-ss s-sstrong, s-strong and fireproof, my precious-s-ss!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Frodo decides that cutting his own arm off might be more enjoyable than talking at any length with Gollum.

[Maeggaladiel]

Merry was right behind him. If he kept up his pace, Frodo knew his team could win the race. But suddenly, a feeling of deep horror came over him. He forgot who he was supposed to pass the baton to!

[Estelyn Telcontar]

At first, Gollum had thought it was a compliment when Frodo told him he was "fetching".

[Gurthang]

Two wolves cut out the eyes of the Seer.

OR

Green cloaks were all the rage, and Gollum was completely out of the loop.

[The Only Real Estel]

Merry/Pippin pic
--------------------

Having consumed three pints and two "whole-halves" already makes those Donald Trump toupee jokes just that much more funny.

Animated LotR pic
----------------------

Frodo knew he was in for a tough fight as soon as Gollum's eyes latched onto the last breadstick.

[dancing spawn of ungoliant]

The eyes are the window to the soul...

or

Frodo: Now, it's quite simple to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana. First of all you force him to drop the banana; then, second, you eat the banana, thus disarming him. You have now rendered him 'elpless.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

No one liked Gollum's singing.

[Lalwendë]

The Tyranny of Technicolour

Frodo: "Stand still, I'm going to colour you in! I've got a crayon and I'm gonna use it!"

Gollum: "Leave me alone! Everything was better when the world was in black and white!"



OR



Victim of one too many alien abductions, when Frodo cornered a 'grey' one evening he decided to return the favour and give the little guy a 'probe'.

[The Only Real Estel]

Frodo: “Is this the elusive phantom of whom we’ve heard so many tales?”

Sam: “No, I don’t think so. The phantom is rumored to be taller, and according to the lasses at the Green Dragon he’s wondrous fair to look upon.”

Gollum: “Meaning we’re not, I take it, precious?”

[Formendacil]

Gollum: "Are they... taters, my Precious?"

Sam: "No, we're bur- ah, hobbits."

Frodo: "Burrahobbits!"

Gollum: "Burrahobbits, my Precious?"

Sam: "Yes, Burrahobbits. And we cook much better than we cook, don't you know?"

Gollum: "Better than nasty taters?"

Frodo: "Yes...."

Gollum: "Supper, my Precious!"

I have NO idea where that just came from... I guess those cartoon hobbits look like Potatoes to me...

[Roa_Aoife]

Frodo and Sam found themselves in a horrible fanfiction cross-over: Night of the Living Gollum

[Gandalf_the _white]

frodo: Expecto patronum!!!! Whoops! sorry wrong movie!! :rolleyes:
lol :D

[mormegil]

After Gollum's violent reaction Frodo must check for himself if his underarm odor is truly worse than Shelob's Lair.

[Ordimor]

Gollum - "Lord of the apes" finds difficulty in breaking the news to Frodo that Sam makes a better Jane!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Gollum: Master must not look behind him!

Frodo: Why?

Gollum: Nasty grey man with no cloak!

[Gurthang]

(Notice that the person to the left appears to have a wand in his hand.)

Gollum: "Who's that, Preciouss?!"
Bilbo: "Yes, who exactly are you, and why are you in Gollum's cave?"
??????: "What? This is... Gollum's cave? Where is that?"
Bilbo: "Under the Misty Mountains, in Middle-Earth. Now who are you?"
??????: "Oh, Harry Potter, sir."
Bilbo: "Uhm... You're in the wrong story. In fact, the wrong world."
Harry: "Well, I followed my directions..."
Gollum: "Oh, did it ussse MapQuesst, Preciouss, did it?"
Harry: "Well, yes... I thought it would be easy."
Bilbo: "No! It will always lead you astray!"
Gollum: "Yess! We hatess MapQuesst, we doess!"

[Lhunardawen]

Gollum plays the title role in a twisted rendition of "Oedipus Rex."

[Rimbaud]

Gollum's fundamental inability to grasp Hide & Seek led to increasingly short games.

[The Only Real Estel]

Here in the middle of nowhere Frodo & Sam stumble across one of those fanatical Oakland Raiders fans.

[mormegil]

Gollum: What's that precious? Why's that stupid fat man replacing me?

http://w13502.hostcentric.net/~newline/image_assets/lotr3AP_92754.jpg

This cameo was simply not working out.


or


Liv: So in this scene I am suppose to kiss you

PJ: Yes and remember it has to be believable so make it very intimate

Liv: Ummmm Okay

[Meela]

Elrond had said that Aragorn had grown in many ways...

[The Only Real Estel]

Now we can see why Liv was so upset in the appendixes when she talked about them wanting her to kiss a stand-in for Viggo...

[Gil-Galad]

PJ: so you see... me killing off Aragorn was a good thing for me...the fans may hate it but at least i get arwen!

[The Elf-warrior]

Little did PJ know that he was about to be killed.

[Boromir88]

PJ and Arwen stand in front of the Green Screen...

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

The thoughts of Liv: Oh no, I hate that! Now he's going to kiss me and tell me that he loves me and wants to marry me, and call me " litlle, naughty Charlene." And tomorrow he'll have forgotten all about it. . .


(Hey, at least I gave it a shot)

[Holbytlass]

Arwen: Frodo! It's been awhile, I haven't seen you since you were this short.

[Ordimor]

PJ: HEY, HEY, HEY!

LIV: You know what PJ, everybody calls you long-play record!

PJ: Why's dat Liv?

LIV: Cause you don't never shut up!

[THE Ka]

PJ: Liv

LT: What?

PJ: Take the tin foil off your head. You look like a radio wave reciever...

LT: But it's to create a frequency of Joy!


~ Aesthete

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Arwen: Sorry sir, but you weren’t invited. You'll have to leave.

OR

The Elf in the background just put a "Kick Me" sign on Jackson's back.

[The Only Real Estel]

Arwen discovered that the Middle-Earth online dating services weren't exactly foolproof.

Arwen: "But - you said you were tall, thin, muscular & in great shape! You said you were athletic, had long hair, and were of noble birth!"

PJ: "I have long hair."

[mormegil]

PJ: So instead of a white wizard you will have a director not white but fat and...

Liv: So your tactic is to....

PJ: Uncloak? Yes, of course it is. How else can I take over Gandalf's spot?

[Gurthang]

PJ: "So my idea is to put out a 'Lord of the Rings: Off-camera affairs' documentary.
Liv: "Oh, kind of like a 'Making of' sort of thing. Where all the behind-the-scenes people are finally given credit."
PJ: "No actually. Uh, it's about all the, um, how do I put this tactfully.... It's about all the moral affairs, or maybe I should say marriage affairs, that went on behind the cameras."
Liv: "What! I didn't even know that kind of thing was happening."
PJ: "Oh, yes, that's the problem. There really aren't any... but that's where you and I come in..."
Liv: :eek:

OR

Liv Tyler suddenly spots a mouse sleeping in Peter Jackson's hair.

[Ordimor]

Liv: Now let me get this right. Viggo walks down to me - We embrace and kiss passionately - I slide back off his shoulders looking deeply and joyously into his eyes - Then we walk hand in hand to the Hobbits. Right?

PJ: YEP

Liv: Huh ... So where's the part where I slap Miranda with the back of my hand for hittin' on my man?

[The Only Real Estel]

Liv wasn't amused with PJ's solution for cheap hair extensions...

PJ: "Look, Liv, it's show business, you take what you can get without overpaying. The seaweed looks fine, it's just you."

[Gil-Galad]

PJ: and this is wear King Kong coms up to you slowly

Arwen: getting ahead of yourself aren't ya PJ?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Arwen: What are you laughing at? Gandalf isn't uncloaked is he?

P-j: No, it’s just the new picture.

http://img-nex.theonering.net/images/scrapbook/9231.jpg

Gandalf's job in escalator maintenance was not his favourite.

OR

Denethor is so engrossed in his game of Tetris that he hasn’t seen Gandalf and Pippin stealing all his furniture. There was only one more thing to collect.

[Gil-Galad]

Pippin stands back as Gandalf prepares to take denethor off-guard by...UNCLOAKING HIMSELF

[Formendacil]

So good a spy was the Peregrin, that he made it right into the Throne Room with neither of the enemy even suspecting he was there.

[Lalwendë]

Myopic Denethor awaits his blushing bride, but he's not too impressed with the scruffy bridesmaid.

[davem]

Gandalf: 'Good evenin' Sir, I'm Chief Inspector Mithrandir & this is Detective Sergeant Took, we're here about the burglary....'

Denethor: 'Its terrible, Inspector! I just got back from the bingo & found it like this. They've taken everything - telly, video, my Catherine Cookson omnibuses & my People's Friend annuals....

[Alcarillo]

The mall Santa took a less jolly approach to Christmas this year.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Denethor: *whispering* Come on, just a few more feet and I can pull the trap door leaver!

OR

[For those Doctor who fans who are interested in the 'new' series]

Pippin: We've been through a lot haven’t we Gandalf? Running for our lives! And now Hopping! Hopping for our lives! Do you remember hopping? Hopping? No?

[The Only Real Estel]

Denethor had been a bad steward and now had to sit in the dreaded black chair for three hours...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The mall Santa took a less jolly approach to Christmas this year.

Bah! Humbug! (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v604/hukbillgoomba/humbug.jpg)

[The Only Real Estel]

It was down to the last three villagers and Pippin had bought Gandalf's case against Denethor. Two votes had been cast and the lynching was about to be carried out - but Pippin really began to second-guess himself when he spotted the suspiciously tail-shaped bulge in the back of Gandalf's cloak...

[mormegil]

Gandalf had no sense of decency and had to inspect Gondor's new state of the art bathroom facilities. He found it rather opulent.

[Boromir88]

Gandalf: My Lord and Steward, Denethor, where are Gondor's defenses? The Enemy is literally right outside your door! I should think you've been sleeping!

Denethor: ::snore, snore::: Huh...ugh...um...grumble, grumble...::snore::

OR

When Denethor calls in the Army of Minas Tirith to take arms he certainly expected more than an old man and his grandson.

[Maeggaladiel]

Gandalf knew things had changed in Gondor, but he did not expect to see Harvey the Rabbit sitting on the White Throne.

(Sorry, if anybody actually gets that joke I'll be impressed.)

OR

Denethor used to sit in the actuall throne, but now that his arthritis is acting up, he's been forced to kick Faramir out of the "time out" chair.

[Holbytlass]

Gandalf: Darnit! I wanted to be fashionably late to the ball!

Pippin: I suppose you could use that lame "wizards arrive exactly when they mean" excuse.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf discovers why his post hasn't been arriving. It turns out the post office consists of one old man in a chair.

OR

Denethor: What dose my horoscope say today the? Hmm. "You will be visited by an annoying man dressed in white who will hit you several times with his staff" Pfft! It'll never happen.

[Meela]

Gandalf later denied having anything to do with the throne toppling sideways onto a sleeping Denethor. He also refused to comment on the Hobbit-sized footprints on the steps, and the duct tape over Pippin's mouth.

[Valesse]

Denethor struggles to free himself from his new Chinese finger trap before the scene begins.

OR

"In his hand a white golden rod and a golden knob. He did not look up. Solemnly they paces the long floor towards him, until they stood three paces from his foot stool."

Denethor: (Thinking) Couldn't those two wait? I'm just a couple of pages to end of this chapter! :mad:

[Mithalwen]

Gandalf knew things had changed in Gondor, but he did not expect to see Harvey the Rabbit sitting on the White Throne.

(Sorry, if anybody actually gets that joke I'll be impressed.)

.


That is one of my favourite films ever - I adore James Stewart.

It was a tense moment in the Gondor Open Statues final.

[Ordimor]

A badly dejected Denethor awaits for the latest TV cable repair crew.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: I bet you 10 Gold pennies that he's in a bad mood.

Pippin: Done!

Gandalf: I didn't mean... okay then.

[The Elf-warrior]

Neither Gandalf nor Pippin were prepared for the shock of seeing the Phantom of the Opera without his mask.

[Gurthang]

Denethor: *grumble-grumble-curse* "Blasted Fiend! Release thy lid, foul pickle jar!"

OR

Gandalf: "What have you done Denethor! You've completely thrown off this room's groove. Your black chair is way off center and *tuh* just look at those candlesticks! One has eight candles while the other has only five!" *shakes head*

OR

Pippin decides to hang back a bit. It's never good when the guy in white confronts the guy in black. (Not that he's prejudice. ;) )

OR

Gandalf: "Denethor!"
Denethor: "Gandalf!"
Pippin: "Pippin!"