Crazy Captions

[Gurthang]

Wolf-Theoden sits, awaiting to be lynched, mourning that he has failed his mission.

OR

Out of nowhere, Theoden's brain explodes, leaving him senseless as smoke wafts out of his gaping head.

OR

Theoden: "I give up. I'll never win Werewolf!" (<----That's for Wayne.)

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Théoden: I want a Hornburger.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

When Thengel and his wife asked young Théoden what he wanted for his birthday and Théoden replied, "I'll think about it" they didn't expect it to take this long.

OR

Wormtong assured Théoden that he did not need a bath.

[Lhunardawen]

This picture of Théoden is part of a smear campaign against Pizza Hut's delivery service.

[luthien-elvenprincess]

Theoden just isn't a morning person.

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Théoden has been fifty years waiting for Elfhild to finish shopping.

[Gothmog]

One word: Monday.

OR

Theoden woke up and realized he had been sleeping for 237 4/13 years.

OR

Theoden was never good at math problems, but when he started calculating, he couldn't let it go: If you got 3 hobbits and one of them eats 21 apples, how many bananas is left? What did Gandalf mean???

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Théoden has become a fan of an Entish soap opera. "Tree and leaf street."

[The Only Real Estel]

Is it just me or are Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes getting a little old? And I'm not talking "old," I'm talking this old! (see pic)

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

That's not Theoden: that's Eomer of the Rohirrim during a particularly stressful bout of Werewolf.

(Perhaps exaggerated. ;) )

[mormegil]

Mormegil sits pondering "how did it all go wrong...all I did was declare myself as the Hunter...where did I loose them?"

(sorry to bring that up again :rolleyes: but it's how I truly felt.)

http://www.faszination-tolkien.de/galerie/nasmith/boromir-kampf.jpg

While the hobbits fought on, Boromir alway thought that a refreshing drink of Miruvor was needed before battle. History doesn't tell us, but the truth of the matter is that Boromir was simply too drunk to be effective

or

Pippin never quite discerned between orcs and trees so while Merry attacked an orc he was busy stabbing the nearby tree

Pippin: "This one is for the shire...die you evil fiend"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Pippin: Watch out for the archers, Boromir!

Boromir: Don't be stupid! There's no such thing as archers!

OR

Boromir drinks some magic growing juice while Legolas and Aragorn fight the Orcs!

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

The Breakdancing Orcs unveil their latest attraction: Trumpeting Tark!

or

A typical night out in Glasgow. :p (little Aberdeen humour there...)

[Gothmog]

(Stealing from Hookbill) Boromir thought that this was the time to try out the present he got from Miraculix (Asterix, remember that?)

OR

The audience's response of Boromirs consert was not to be mistaken

OR

Boromir never found the right time to blow soap-bubbles

OR

Boromir's Pose of Peace was misunderstood as a Pose of Pierce Me

[Mithalwen]

Oh captain of Gondor come blow up you horn
The orcs are attacking, so where's Aragorn?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Oh, the obligatory;

Boromir sounds the horn of warning. The Orcs flee and Merry and Pippin realise its every man (or hobbit or Orc) for himself. Gandalf the grey was coming, and he was feared uncloaked! :eek:

It woudn't be Crazy Captions without it!

[Eonwe]

The Bloodlust weighed heavily on Pippin ever after he killed his first orc.

OR

Orc: Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! I so did not see that coming. He totally stabbed me!

OR

Boromir thinks: It's time to look SOOO GOOD in tights!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The Orc in front of the hobbits dropped his contact lenses.

[CaptainofDespair]

Boromir was envious of Legolas and Faramir, and even of Aragorn. While they got the fan-girls, he got fan-orcs. Sadly for him, they tore him apart in Orc fashion, attempting to steal his clothes.

OR

Boromir's death was mourned by all in Gondor. However, seeing this as an easy source of propaganda, the Gondorian Information Ministry of Propaganda (GIMP) led by Aragorn, decided to exaggerate his story, and in some cases, lie to the public. Rather than tell the people he was stabbed by drunk Rohirrim in a bar fight, they stated he died fighting orcs while striking a heroic pose.

[Gothmog]

Boromir the *hrm* poet:

Fate of the Orc

Oh Orc you Greenest
Oh Orc you Meanest
Here is foe, not friend
Here you will meet your end

HOOT HOOT (on horn)

Oh Orc leave your eternal strife
Oh Orc leave your meaningless life
I'm your greatest fear
I'm more than you can bear

HOOT HOOT

Oh Orc you will surely die
Oh Orc hear my warrior cry "AAAAIIIIIIIII"
Come and taste my sword
Come and meet and human Lord

HOOT HO *SCHTUCK*(arrow hitting Boromir)

Orc: Shut him up! Hurry! Not a word more! I've heard Wargs proclaiming better poems!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Pippin: These Orcs look very angry! Perhaps you should offer them a drink, Boro- Never mind.

[the guy who be short]

Merry knew there was no chance of winning unless he came out to the others about his true lycanthropic powers...

[Lalwendë]

Pippin: "No! Put it down! That's Merry's used ear trumpet!"

[Valesse]

Boromir stars in a failled Mentos marketing attempt aiming to sell a new liquid-fresh variety.

OR

As he blew the Horn of Gondor, Boromir sudden understood what all those "Gandalf Uncloaked" jokes were all about... and it scared him.

OR

Merry slices open the orc's tunic front, but as it bends down in considerable pain a bright and cheerful feeling overcomes it on the discovery of a shiny new penny! What luck!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The real reason Boromir was killed at Amon Hen:

When blowing his horn, he was distracted by a cloud that was almost the exact same shape as a turnip.

[The Saucepan Man]

A gullible and cowardly Boromir is disappointed to discover that Red Bull does not actually give you wings.

[wilwarin538]

Boromir decides to provide some background music to the battle scene.

"Just like in the Movies!" he says before pulling out his horn.

To bad the only thing he can play is Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

Its just not quite as effective.

[THE Ka]

Long before the idea of inventing a machine that would capture your soul within a small frame for eturnity was thought of, many would carry along a pack-artist as an effective means to capture their most precious moments for friends and family. Unfortunately for boromir, this was not one of those 'effective' moments...

~ Aesthete

[Firefoot]

Merry is disgusted to find that not only do Orcs actually have blood, but that it is also now adorning his sword.

[Glirdan]

Merry: Oh my gosh!! It's Gandalf uncloaked!!
Pippin: I can't look!!!
Boromir: What!! I can't hear you! Can't you see I'm playing my instrument to calm these wild beasts??

[Boromir88]

I can't believe everyone was fooled into believing Boromir actually did all the killing at Amon Hen.

[Valesse]

Yet another reason why games like "Capture the Flag" or "Red Rover" never made it big in Middle Earth.

[Kitanna]

Merry (or is it Pippin): Boromir! This is no time for a drink!

or

Boromir had to have his spinach before he went into battle.

[mormegil]

Boromir the vain is the perfect muse and would not move from his pose while being painted despite the onslaught of orcs.

[Alcarillo]

Boromir: Don't worry, I've got Capital One!
He flourishes the credit card through the air. The orcs stop and groan.
Orc: What's in your wallet?

[Gurthang]

While Boromir frantically tries to catch as much rain as possible, a band of mutant frogs attack two small zombies.

OR

Boromir didn't realize his horn was frozen. Now his lips are stuck to it.

OR

Orc at right: "AH! Timeout! I think I lost a contact!"

OR

There's a mad (and deadly!) rush to be the first in to see The Two Towers.

[HerenIstarion]

Boromir: They like my music, they really like it! Look how they get all excited at the sight of my horn! And stupid Faramir back home said I should not even dream of making career in music! Ha!

Orks: This is one time too many!
Hobbits: Yes, the way he comes every day to 'entertain' us!
Orks: He thinks he has 'fine musical taste', that wood-grouse!
Hobbits: We paid him to go away, and he thought we were giving him money to play more
Orks: That is enough, let's beat him up!
Hobbits: Sure! Down with this deaf 'minstrel'!
Orks: Get him!

Boromir: They really love me!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Boromir sounds the horn of warning as a new picture comes. Don't worry; it's not uncloaked!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v604/hukbillgoomba/Crazy%20captions/9225.jpg

This is Frodo after seeing Gandalf the grey uncloaked! :eek:

OR

There was a Giant spider on Gorbabg's back. Sam tried to get it with his sword.

OR YET!

Gorbag: £900! For a bottle of coke-a-cola! That’s outrageous!

[Gothmog]

This is the most common reaction to Boromir's music!

OR

Now Aragorn had crossed the line of what was "smelly but still sexy"...

OR

Sam didn't think the massive piercing of the orcs ear suited him (study right ear)

OR YET AN OTHER ONE

The dentist regretted that he asked the orc to open his mouth as soon as the words left his lips

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Frodo's new moisturiser did not have the desired effect.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

*Look at Sam* this is a Hobbit.
*Look at Gorbag* this is a Hobbit on drugs!

OR

Gollum's new make over wasn't very effective.

[Glirdan]

Gorbag couldn't believe it. His dentist was also the Mouth of Sauron's Dentist!!! :eek:

or

And this children, is what happens when you do drugs...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gorbag is thrown out of the Break dancing Orcs group!

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Orc after cosmetic surgery: "Sure, the nose looks good now, but what did you do with the rest of my face??"

[Gothmog]

Or the once so beautiful elf after cosmetic surgery: "Sure, the nose looks good now, but what did you do with the rest of my face??"

OR

Hookbill:This is Frodo after seeing Gandalf the grey uncloaked!
This IS Gandalf uncloaked! :eek:

[arcticstorm]

Gorbag singing "See the pretty girl in that mirror there."

[The Saucepan Man]

Samwise: I'm sorry, Mr Legolas sir. I didn't mean to rip your portrait ...

Legolas: Aaaaaaiiiiiiiii!!!

[mormegil]

Hobbits could be very cruel to their captives--this particular approach was to make your captive stare at Gandalf the Grey uncloacked.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Hobbits could be very cruel to their captives--this particular approach was to make your captive stare at Gandalf the Grey uncloacked.

After about 12 seconds, the captive was usually dead.

[mormegil]

Samwise just gave Gorbag the greatest wedgie of his life!

Sam: This one is for my Gaffer.

Gorbag: Aiiii the pain and horror!

[Valesse]

Try Cirroth Ungol's new... Loop the Loop! Guaranteed to chill and thrill!

OR

Samwise Gamgee was insulted past his reasoning when Gorbag exclaimed "I can't believe it's not butter!"

OR

Few knew that what actually did in Gorbag was Sam forcing him to bob for apples against his will. Alas that his last meal was not of manflesh, but of a perticularly large Granny Smith.

OR

Sam and Gorbag find the Barrowdowns chatrooms.
Gorbag: "Ahhh! 1337 internet speech!"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

There is a rat in Gorbag's pipe.

... ...

Sam put it there.


OR

Gorbag wonders what you do when you find 10,000 Legolas fangirls on the doorstep.

[Bêthberry]

Sam gets a close look at British teeth in the good old days before National Health Service.

[Lord Melkor]

Newsflash: Gangs of vicious, bloodthirsty Hobbits are attacking defenceless, fit, young Orcs!

Or

Sam: Hello there, you sexy devil! What's a pretty Orc like you doing here all by himself?

Gorbag: *Oh my God, did he just pinch me in the butt?!*

[Oddwen]

This is a wonderful artist's rendition of Earnur Etceteron!

Current pic...

Sam drops an ice cube down Gorbag's shirt.

Or...

Sam just couldn't take any more...he couldn't stand to let Gorbag finish his aria!

[Boromir88]

Gorbag, knowing he was defeated, resorts to a last ditch effort by releasing viral orc breath of death making Sam quite nauseated.

[Eonwe]

Gorbag wonders what you do when you find 10,000 Legolas fangirls on the doorstep.

Sam (whispers): You kill em'!

Gorbad: Oh-ho! Really!

It sounds funny if you hear it in the voice i assinged to gorbad.

[The Elf-warrior]

Gorbag: "Et tu, Frodo! Then fall Gorbag!"

[Gurthang]

Sam tries frantically to push the statue over the edge, but it's too heavy for him.

OR

Sam finds out that Gorbag created MapQuest.

OR

Sam didn't really believe that someone could have one hundred earrings in at once. He moves in to count them.

OR

Sam has had it with Gorbag's singing.

[Lalwendë]

In Doctor Gamgee's surgery: "I did warn you to cough, sir."

[Rimbaud]

The Argos in Croydon seemed even grimmer than normal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~

The Walmart in Trenton seemed even grimmer than normal.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Sam tries to sabotage the likely winner of the annual fly catching contest.

OR

Gorbag learns the Orc facts of life. :eek:

[The Only Real Estel]

Gorbag & Sam were surprised when, instead of their pizza delivery man standing on their apartment doorstep, they found their ex-girlfriends...with weapons hand!

[Rimbaud]

The first night with Rosie though, was not at all what he had expected.

[The Saucepan Man]

Inevitably, the fateful day eventually came when Sam finally lost his patience with his mother-in-law, Dot.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gorbag stumbles upon Shelob's favourite toilet area.

OR

Sam: Give me back Mr. Frodo's birthday cake!

Gorbag: I ate it!

Sam: Then I'll have to get it myself!

Gorbag: :eek:

[Valesse]

Gorbag was agog to discover the only winning lottery ticket for the month of Thrimidge on the ground, but found that it was equally as shocking (if not just a bit more painful) when he Samwise revealed that he had put it there as bait.

OR

(Sorry, this is more of an American joke)
Bob Barker: "Gorbag! Come on down and play...The Priiiiice is Right!"

[mormegil]

While Sam has the courage Gorbag just cannot bring himself to look down and see what he just stepped in.

[Boromir88]

Gorbag: Ahh, a New picture! I can't believe my virgin eyes. Don't look sonny, you're too young for this.

http://www.laurelindorenan.com/Isengard2.jpg

Saruman: I suggest you all leave now before I taunt you a second time! Sons of a silly person!

[mormegil]

Saruman: TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!

[CaptainofDespair]

Christopher Lee is attempting to portray what Moses would have done, had he been a weird old man, with creepy eyebrows.

[Kitanna]

Saruman: The Ents are coming to get me?! Oh dear. Take Grima! He is the one who wronged you!
Grima:What...?

[Boromir88]

Saruman: (screaming below) Listen Samwise Gamgee. I swear, I did not ruin your garden. I saw a giant he-rat about *yay big* and it made a cacaw sound and was eating your vegetables.

Grima: Even I could have come up with a lie than that.

[The Only Real Estel]

Gorbag the Seer's midnight dream is successful, but he's about to fall victim to typical Seer luck.

Gorbag: "OMG!! Sam is a werewolf!!?? I can't wait to tell the other villagers about this!!"

[The Saucepan Man]

Deja vu. (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showpost.php?p=387085&postcount=5011) ;)

[The Only Real Estel]

Christopher Lee's massive belch at Orthanc "dwarfed" (no pun intended...well, maybe :p) John Rhys-Davies feeble attempt at Edoras.

[Gurthang]

Grima still doesn't know why Saruman decided to use his eye for the end of his staff.

OR

Saruman does his best mime immitation.

OR

Saruman made Willy Wonka mad, so now he's starting to inflate.

OR

Saruman gasps when his 10,000 orcs suddenly start to breakdance. :eek:

[Glirdan]

This is what Saruman would do if he found 200, 000 orcs on his doorstep.

or

Saruman just proclaimed that he was a Sherriff. Little did he know that Grima was a Wolf.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: AAAAGH! Orcs! Who put them there?

Grima: You did.

OR

When the Ents fill Isenguard with water, Saruman's plan 'F' was to suck up all the water.

[mormegil]

Saruman: If I am elected to be President I promise to never uncloak myself and make it illegal for Gandalf to do likewise.

[luthien-elvenprincess]

Saruman inhales deeply just prior to attempting to blow out all of the candles on his birthday cake.
Grima is exhausted from lighting all 50 kazillion of them!

(See the cake knifes at the bottom front of the pic? :rolleyes: )

[The Only Real Estel]

Saruman: "Nein!!!"

[Gothmog]

Saruman: You cannot pass!
Grima: Geez...Sire, read the script again!

OR

Grima has taken lessons in Witchcraft and Wizardry of Saruman. Unfortunatly he still had to cheat to have the tip of his staff to glow.

OR

Saruman: Tonight you will taste Man flesh!
Grima: Eh...master? Forgot your contacts? There's no orcs down there?

OR (to continue on my earlier theme)
Saruman's singing wasn't much better than Boromir's horn-concerts...

[Lalwendë]

Grima and Saruman turn in good performances in the roles of Statler and Waldorf at the "Middle-earth Muppet Show Re-enactment Society Annual Gala".



OR



Saruman is fed up with the local kids trick or treating. "Clear off! I've not got any mini Mars Bars! I can't watch the telly for you lot knocking on the ruddy door!"

[Formendacil]

As Grima was learning, after Gandalf became "the White" it was almost impossible to tell him and Saruman appart.

Grima: "Um... why are you telling the Dunlendings to attack the Uruk-hai?"

[arcticstorm]

Saruman always told the story about the one that got away

[The Only Real Estel]

Saruman was enraged to find that Treebeard had canceled his cable TV.

Saruman: "This has gone to far! You taking over Isengard is one thing, me having to go without ESPN Sportcenter is another thing entirely!"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: A Balrog! With wings? What devilry is this?

OR

Saruman finds that, in an attempt to compete with Mount Zoom, the Uruks have attached wheels to Orthank!

[Lalwendë]

At Saruman's Chippy.

"OK, who ordered a pickled egg and an extra big fork with their fish supper?"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman was sure the balcony rail was higher yesterday!

[Morsul the Dark]

Grima: Sir I thought your Moses was superb do it again!

Saruman: With acing skills like these you'd think they would have cast me but nooooo gandalf gets to be moses in the isatarian production of the ten commandments

the true reason saruman went to the dark side

[The Only Real Estel]

Bringing back a good one...

Saruman gets the finger from 10,000 Uruk-Hai! :eek:

[dancing spawn of ungoliant]

Saruman: "Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who."

[Gurthang]

Saruman: "Fly free little bird! I'll miss you!"
Grima: "Alright, who are you and what did you do with Saruman?"

OR

:eek: + :o = Saruman

OR

Grima and Saruman decide to wear contrasting outfits. What good friends!

OR

Grima stabs Saruman in the back.
Saruman: "AHH!"
PJ: "No, No, NO! You don't kill him yet!"
Grima: :confused: "Oops!"

[The Only Real Estel]

Saruman leads his Uruk army in their daily prayer:

Our creator, who art in Orthanc,
Saruman be thy name.
They kingdom come.
They will be done
in earth..if you have your way.
Give us this day our daily manflesh.
And forgive us our debts,
As we hold others to theirs.
And lead us not into tribulations,
but deliver us our enemies:
For Isengard is your kingdom,
and the power, and the glory of Middle Earth.
Amen.

[The Elf-warrior]

Saruman: "We must stay the course in Rohan, not only for the sake of those who have died in the present struggle but for all of those who in your illustrious past were killed by Rohan's terrorist aggression."

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Saruman: OK, Dumbledore. You got me. I stole your hat.

[ElentariGreenleaf]

Saruman does his best to sing a perfect C, hoping to smash Gandalf's new glasses (he was jealous because he hadn't gone to specsavers like Gandalf...)

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Gríma used the Pokey-stick of Doom on Saruman.

[Holbytlass]

Aaugh! Aah! Hack-hack! I just swallowed my gum.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Grima got a staff. Saruman got a bigger staff. They soon realise that the tower they are in is actually Treebeard's staff.

OR

The Ents decide to go one step further after flooding isenguard. They fill it with custard.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

The Ents decide to go one step further after flooding isenguard. They fill it with custard. Question is, can Legolas walk on the custard??

[Gothmog]

And if he can, will he leave marks?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Of course Legolas can walk on custard. Anyone can. If you've seen that experiment on Braniac you'd know. :p

Anyway;

Saruman realises that he left the iron on.

[mormegil]

Saruman: Okay people I know that you are excited but I need you attention and we will get you all into the theater on time.

Grima: *whisper* Is that FAT guy dressed as an elf?

Saruman: Everybody please form a single file line and have your tickets ready.

Grima: *whisper* He really should have dressed as PJ at that girth...wait! That is PJ!?!?!

[Boromir88]

Saruman: Ok, here's the deal! I Found a new picture! But, you must first bring me a shrubbery!

http://www.elbakin.net/film/images/galerie/rotk/thumbs/pippin_armure.jpg
Pippin the fearless Guardian protects the wolves' attempted kill.

[Glirdan]

Unfortunately, I can't see the picture. :(

[Kitanna]

Pippin hated when Frodo tried on his wigs.

[Boromir88]

Glirdan, try this... (click) (http://www.elbakin.net/film/images/galerie/rotk/thumbs/pippin_armure.jpg)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

This any better?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v604/hukbillgoomba/Crazy%20captions/pippin_armure.jpg

No one had told Pippin it was Daylight savings time. :rolleyes:

OR

Not even Pippin saw the dark and mysterious person making off with all their wallets.

[Kath]

Pippin found his musical statues position quite demanding to keep up.

[Glirdan]

Thanks for the picture Hookbill.

Pippin was shocked to find out that Merry was actually a Wolf

or

Pippin was outraged when he found out wat Arwen did to Glorfindel.

or

Pippin was posing for the second edition of his salt shaker.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

A law of Minas Tirith is that you must always smile in the presence of the steward. Even when he throws peanuts at you.

OR

Pippin dosent understand whats going on.

[luthien-elvenprincess]

Pippin tries to appear confident as he strides across the room, struggling to hold a smile instead of grimacing...all the while regretting the borrowing of Beregond's underwear...

[Eonwe]

Pippin as he looks in a mirror: Oh yeah. Oh - yeah! who is looking really, really, incredibley good looking? that's right! YOU ARE.

[Gothmog]

Pippin tried Eowyn's fudge and now the poor thing can't open his mouth because it's glued shut! (And to shut him up was by most people in ME considered as a greater task than defeating the Nazgul. Eowyn was forever celebrated as the Great Silencer)

OR

Pippin listening to Gandalf's jokes...for the Nth time.

[Valesse]

It was a struggle, but after the first awkward half-hour Pippin was able to ignore the Steward's gastronomical flatulance.

OR

And it was on that day that Denethor decided only to speak in spoonerisms.

[arcticstorm]

Darth Pippin

[Gurthang]

Pippin: "Is it Halloween yet!" (It's close, by my clock.)

OR

Pippin: "Ready.... DRAW!"

OR

Someone sticks a 'Kick Me' sign on Pippin's back.

OR

Pippin sees Gandalf **********! (Hm. I wonder what word goes here?)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Denethor's ‘small’ jokes are really getting on Pippin's nerves.

OR

Pippin: Gimli has eaten the last slice of cake! How dare he!

[Oddwen]

Pippin listening to Gandalf's jokes...for the Nth time.
Or perhaps...
Pippin listening to "Gandalf Uncloaked" jokes...for the Nth time.

Or...

Hiss!!

Or...

NI!

Or...

But if you aerodynamate the crystals, there's no way that the putrillescence can magnanimate the filament! You foul dwimmerlaik!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Denethor: You there! Imbecile!

Pippin: It's pronounced; ‘Peregrin!’

[Mithalwen]

With a haircut and a change of clothes, Pippin landed the job as a "Top Gear" presenter...

http://www.f4group.co.uk/images/richard_hammond.jpg

[Lalwendë]

With a haircut and a change of clothes, Pippin landed the job as a "Top Gear" presenter...

Or, indeed, as a custard-loving Brainiac presenter. :D



Keith Harris: "This black cloak and Pippin puppet routine isn't working so well. I think I'll get Orville out of retirement for the panto season."

[ElentariGreenleaf]

Pippin tried his best to stare down shadowfax, but the beast just wasn't going to give in...

OR

Pippin: What do you mean Frodo and Sam have gone to Mordor?? But I heard there was another stash of Pipeweed there! Sauron's best hoard! *sniff* No fair.

[SamwiseGamgee]

As Billy Boyd hears PJ suggesting that the character of Denethor 'get a little more unhinged' he struggles to contain his displeasure.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Pippin: Look! I may be a fool of a Took, but I think it's time for a new picture!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v604/hukbillgoomba/Crazy%20captions/001Ringwraiths.jpg

No matter how famous your band is, the mysterious microphone thief will always strike!

OR

W-k: Look, it's quite simple! Blade + Stomach = Death!

OR, as we always need one;

W-K: If that Gandalf thinks he can uncloak again, he' got another thing coming!

[Gothmog]

The nazgul took a wrong turn and ended up in the ruins of Colosseum

OR

The jawas from Star Wars entered the wrong door in the studio...

OR

RW on the left: Does anyone know why we have to wear these hoods? I can't see!
The others: Oh, come on. Your such a whiner! If my hand didn't go straight through you I'd hit you!
The first one: Ok, fine by me. Don't blame me when I miss his heart.

OR

Suddenly the light from a car soaring up the hill hit the Nazgul. They hesitated one moment but after realizing it was Gandalf in his Mustang, Shadowfax edition, they fled.

[Boromir88]

Closest Nazgul: (hereafter called the Witch-King) Hey Where's Nazgul #2's sword?

Nazgul in the Middle: (hereafter called Nazgul #1) I don't know, hey Nazgul #2 where's your sword?

Nazgul #2: You can't see it because it's an invisible sword.

Witch-King: Don't tell me you lost your sword again!

Nazgul #2:....no, It's invisible!

OR

Witch-King: Ok, here's what we do. You'll flank around them and cut off their escapt to the back. I'll hold them in the front, and #2, you'll triangulate.

Nazgul #2: Isosceles or Equilateral?

W-k: Just do it!

Nazgul #1: Ummm, we have a problem.

W-K: What now!

Nazgul #1: They escaped.

[SamwiseGamgee]

As another pub empties when the Ringwraiths enter they begin to wonder if they're ever going to get that pint.

[Lalwendë]

Little children all across Mordor wait with baited black breath as Brian, Derek and Floella Nazgul prepare to announce whether it will be the round, square or arched window today.

[The Saucepan Man]

#3: I see #7 has forgotten his sword again.

#5: Tsk! He'd forget his gaping hole if it wasn't screwed on.

[mormegil]

The W-k or the first Nazgul is about to throw a world class temper trantrum

W-k: Ack! This cloak is so itchy I told him I didn't want wool, I specifically ordered a cotton-poly blend.

or

In this rare photo we observe unusual Nazgul social layering. The far Nazgul is clearing the beta-male attempting to schmooze the alpha-male, notice the sword lowered in a posture of submission. It is not shown but the alpha-male utterly rejects his approach.

[The Only Real Estel]

Looks like the SRS is making its rounds again...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Furthest Nazgûl: Can I have my pocket money?

OR

W-K (Closest to camera): Someone stole my bag of Gold! :eek:

OR yet!

W-K: Someone stole my wallet!

Furthest Nazgûl: *whistles*

[Valesse]

Three of the Ulairi froze in shock that the police had discovered them. What they needed were aliases, but what? Who...?
Nazgul (in unison with implied gestures): "Weeee represent tha' Lollipop Guild! The Lollipop Guild..."

OR

It was never really a wonder why "The Three Little Nazgul" never hit it off quite like the pig story...

OR

RW in front: "Oo! O! I've just gotten a nasty little splinter! Owwies!"
Others: "..."

[ElentariGreenleaf]

Lol, the way the wraith on the right it standing made me laugh and think of this:

RW on right: Don't make me angry *eyes narrow* You wouldn't like me when I'm angry...

[Gurthang]

Note: For the purposes of these captions, the Nazgul pictured shall be named, from left to right, #1, #2, and #3.


At the dog-track.
#3: "Woo-hoo! Look at him go. I told you I'd pick a winner."
#1: "Crap, I lose again."

OR

Frodo puking.
#1: "Um... is he supposed to do that?"
#2: "I don't think so... we didn't even stab him."
#3: "Ew, Gross! He's throwing up! Keep it away, keep it away!"

OR

Fine Dining.
#1: "Steak."
#2: "Shrimp."
#3: "Pizza!"
#1 & #2: :confused:

OR

A game of charades.
#1: "#7, you are the worst charades person ever."
#3: "Oo, ooh! I know! It's Pizza!"

OR

TV Gameshow.
Announcer: "Congratulations, #3...You've just won... A Brand NEW CAR!" (music and cheering)
#3: "Yes! I can hardly believe it!"

OR

Commercial Advertising.
#1: "Snap."
#2: "Crackle."
#3: "Pizza!"
#1 & #2: :rolleyes:

[ElentariGreenleaf]

I must congratulate you on your humour Gurthang! How do you think up so much from one pic? Hehe. Pizza!

[Mithalwen]

It is a little known fact that 2/3 of the undead are left-handed......

[Kath]

Poor Nazgul #1 just could not get the hang of rock, paper scissors:

Nazgul #1: I don't understand, rock should beat all!

Nazgul #3: No, paper beats rock.

Nazgul #1: But you can put a rock on top of paper!

Nazgul #3: Just because you lost!

Nazgul #2: Would you two please shut up, I'm trying to look menacing here!

(#1 is closest to the camera, #3 furthest away)

[Lalwendë]

The Ringwraiths prepare for another battle in the 'who's the best scary-hooded-undead-wraith' turf war against the Dementors.



OR




Hoods? Check.

Bling jewellery? Check.

Bad attitude? Check.

It's the Chavgul! Run for your lives! :eek:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The Ring wraith at the back is actually closer to the camera than the others; he's just a hobbit who wanted to get in with the cool crowd.

OR

Even ring wraiths have heated political discussions.

[The Only Real Estel]

Frodo: "Help! Look! They're about to repress me!!"

[Valesse]

I took from Hookbill a bit here:
The Ringwrath in the back is actually closer to the camera than the other two. With 37 mirrors, 2 fog machines, 1 overworked boom mic-holder, and several unnamed, starved camera men, PJ really pulled off incorporating some of that "magic" in the movies.

OR

All fell silent once three of the Nine accidently walked in on the set for Medea.

[Glirdan]

Originally posted by that Balrog loving guy
The nazgul took a wrong turn and ended up in the ruins of Colosseum

And because of it, the nazgul went on a rampage to kill the makers of MapQuest.

[Bywaters]

It's Halloween and the Nazgul fancy a bit of 'trick or treating', money being a bit short and all...

1st Nazgul: Right lads, we're we going first?

2nd Nazgul: I dunno but if we bump into some chavs can I egg 'em?

1st Nazgul: No, your sword should do the job

3rd Nazgul: If we're goin' trick or treating, should'nt we be wearing white sheets instead of black?

1st Nazgul: B*gg*r

[Fordim Hedgethistle]

THE THREE

Three Black Riders from the south are we,
Pert as monsters well can be,
Filled to the brim with ghoulish glee,
Three Black Riders from Mordor!

WITCH-KING
Everything is a source of fun. (Chuckle)

KHAMUL
Nobody's safe, for we care for none! (Chuckle)

???
Life is a joke that's just begun! (Chuckle)

THE THREE
Three Black Riders from Mordor!

THE THREE
Three Black Riders who, all unwary,
Come from a Ring-Wraith seminary,
Freed from its genius tutelary--
Three Black Riders from Mordor!
Three Black Riders from Mordor!

WITCH-KING
One Black-Rider cannot die --

KHAMUL
Two Black Riders in attendance come—

???
Three Black Riders is the total sum.

THE THREE
Three Black Riders from Mordor!
Three Black Riders from Mordor!

WITCH-KING
From three Black Riders take one away.

KHAMUL
Two Black Riders remain, and they--

???
Won't have to wait very long, they say--

THE THREE
Three Black Riders from Mordor!
Three Black Riders from Mordor!

THE THREE
Three Black Riders who, all unwary,
Come from a Ring-Wraith seminary,
Freed from its genius tutelary--
Three Black Riders from Mordor!
Three Black Riders from Mordor!

* With more apologies than is possible to express to Gilbert and Sullivan

[Gil-Galad]

1st Nazgul: Is this the real life?

2nd Nazgul: Is this just fantasy?

3rd Nazgul: Caught in a land-slide

1st: oh escape from reality

all: open your eyes...look up to the sky and seeeeee!

2nd: i'm just a poor boy i need no sympathy

1st and 3rd: because i'm easy come, easy go, little high little low

2nd: Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me, to me

1st: Mama, just killed a man
3rd: Put a gun against his head
1st: Pulled my trigger, now he's dead
3rd: Mama, life had just begun
1st: But now I've gone and thrown it all away
2nd: Mama, ooo
3rd: Didn't mean to make you cry
1st: If I'm not back again this time tomorrow
3rd: Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters

2nd: Too late, my time has come
1st: Sends shivers down my spine
2nd: Body's aching all the time
3rd: Goodbye everybody - I've got to go
2nd: Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
3rd and 1st: Mama, ooo - (anyway the wind blows)
2nd: I don't want to die
2nd: I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all

1st: I see a little silhouetto of a man
3rd: Scaramouch, scaramouch will you do the fandango
1st: Thunderbolt and lightning - very very frightening me
W-K: Gallileo, 3rd: Gallileo,
Gallileo, 3rd: Gallileo,
W-K and 3rd: Gallileo Figaro - magnifico

2nd: But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me
3rd: He's just a poor boy from a poor family
3rd: Spare him his life from this monstrosity
2nd: Easy come easy go - will you let me go
1st: Bismillah! No - we will not let you go - let him go
3rd: Bismillah! We will not let you go - let him go
1st: Bismillah! We will not let you go - let me go
1st and 2nd: Will not let you go - let me go (never)
3rd and 2nd: Never let you go - let me go
1st and 2nd: Never let me go - ooo
2nd: No, no, no, no, no, no, no -
Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go
1st: Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me
for me
for me

2nd: So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye
3rd: So you think you can love me and leave me to die
2nd: Oh baby - can't do this to me baby
3rd: Just gotta get out - just gotta get right outta here

W-K: Ooh yeah, ooh yeah
1st: Nothing really matters
3rd: Anyone can see
2nd: Nothing really matters - nothing really matters to me

Hobbits: Anyway the wind blows...

[The Elf-warrior]

The Witch-King challenges Nazgul #3 to a duel.

[Gil-Galad]

(continued from E-W)

Nazgul #3: Are you asking for a challenge!!!!!!

[The Only Real Estel]

We Three [Ex]Kings

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Khamul: Just face it; we are lost, aren’t we?

W - K: No! We just... Don’t... Know... where we are.

Khamul: :rolleyes:

OR

No one came to the Nazgûl triplet’s birthday party. :(

[Boromir88]

The two Nazgul onlookers watch as their Witch-King and Frodo battle in "paper, scissors, rock."

Frodo: Paper beats rock!

WK: What' no, no, rock beats paper.

Frodo: Paper covers rock!

WK: Rock sits on paper!

[Holbytlass]

WK: You know, it's not really fair....

Kamul: Ya, we have Gandalf the grey, Saruman the white and what are we?! Black riders.

#3: We should be Riders the black!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From Hobytlass's oldest lass:

RW: Hey, we don't need the One Ring, we can get that Color ring.

RW#2: Where?!

RW#3: Hookbill's avatar

[Gandalf_the _white]

W-K: Look i'm sure this is where we left the horses

hey can we get a different pic? i can't think of anything else :(

[Hookbill the Goomba]

W-K: Curses! I was so sure the hobbits would be here! I'm just a big fat, pathetic, stupid, looser!

Khamul: You're not fat.

W-K: *scowl*

[mormegil]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v604/hukbillgoomba/Crazy%20captions/srivendellshy.jpg

Pippin: Huh...a belt, how about that! Well that's ummm that's unexpected. I'm sure it will go to good use lady what with it holding up my pants and all, I'm sure this will help to save the world.

or

Galadriel: Samwise on your quest I will grant you one piece of future equipment.

Samwise" *thinking* Please be a melon baller

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Pippin: *reading* "Made in China" Hmmm...

OR

Pippin: *reading* "Do not eat" Well duh!

[Kitanna]

Stupid Labels

Pippin: For internal or external use only...?

or

Pippin: Do not attempt to wield while sleeping.

[Kath]

Sorry morm but I can't see the picture :(

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Try THIS (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v604/hukbillgoomba/Crazy%20captions/srivendellshy.jpg)

Sam wonders if Galadriel is going to step in that dog dirt.

OR

Pippin: Instructions, "point blade 'a' at Orc 'b' and stab." Hmm, I did wonder.

[The Only Real Estel]

The Nazgul Pic

Sauron: "Take those hoods off! How am I supposed to know if you're making faces at me or not!?"

[Mithalwen]

It was almost too much for Sam: at school he had always been the last to be picked for teams and now he didn't get a present...

[Bêthberry]

Three hobbits mumbling together: "No ma'am. We won't do it again, ma'am. It was a very wrong thing to do, ma'am. Yes ma'am, you are right."

[Valesse]

Samwise is relieved to note that Galadriel has FINALLY stopped glowing.

OR

Pippin: "Um, hey, this says 'Celeborn' on the--"
Galadriel: "Shh!"
Pippin: "But don't you think it's going to be too bi--"
Galadriel: *stern look*
Pippin: *gulp*

OR

Merry and Sam's attention quickly became diverted to Galadriel's questionalbe choice in elven foot-wear: go-go boots.

[The Only Real Estel]

The following is an excerpt from the Blue Book of Westermarch or, by some accounts, Unfinished Tales of Merry, Pippin, & Samwise:

Pippin's face fell.

"You mean you won't take a dagger instead?"

"Of course not! When I ask for a shrubbery I want a shrubbery," replied the Elf that said Ni.

Merry thought of the long journey to the nearest village that sold shrubberies. Pippin thought of the little food that they had left. As for Sam, he thought every colorful curse word he'd ever heard his dear Gaffer use.

[mormegil]

In an attempt to impress Galadriel, Sam tries to appear nonchalant and tough but it ends up flat and him just hanging his arms awkwardly at his side.

[Gurthang]

Pippin: "So, um.... what is it?"
Sam: "...Pizza?"

OR

Sam suddenly realizes that his fly is down.

OR

Pippin: "So, um.... what is it? Or more importantly, can I eat it?"
Sam's wondering the same thing.

OR

Pippin(thinking): Man, I really wanted a night-light like the one Frodo got!

[ElentariGreenleaf]

Pippin: It's so beautiful *moth into light expression*

Sam: *thinks* Not again...


OR


Gimli: *grumble* Why am I always just out of shot? I'M SHORT TOO! Look at me!! Ah pooy...

[Boromir88]

Galadriel: Sorry, Sam Grandma ran out of money this year and couldn't get you anything for christmas. All I could get you was this dirt.

[The Only Real Estel]

For those of you that have watched the RotK docs:

After the fourth day of shooting Sean Astin finally got his vest right... :rolleyes:

[The Elf-warrior]

Galadriel: "Don't worry Samwise Gamgee, you'll get a present."

Sam: (To himself.) "I'll bet she either gives me a boat or else turns me into a toad."

[Formendacil]

Merry tries not to notice as Sam's girlfriend gives Pippin a very valuable blade...

[SamwiseGamgee]

Simailar to Gurthang's, but different enough...

Sam wonders if he should tell Galadriel that her flies are down

[malkatoj]

Sam and Pippin argue over whose sword it is.

Galadriel: The sword shall be cut in two, and each hobbit shall recieve...death. I get the sword.

[SamwiseGamgee]

Sam: So, a sword for Merry, a sword for Pippin- I wonder what I'll get...some muck! You cheap skank, you! Gimme a real present, you pretentious git!

[Gil-Galad]

Pippin: well yeah its sharp and all...but does it come in flower-scented yellow?

[Valesse]

Though Galadriel wasn't aware of it, just behind her a television screen was left on Sports Center. Samwise in the end couldn't decide if he were more upset with the horrible present or the fact that her large elven prosterior was blocking that game-ending "Liberty" play...

OR

Merry: "Hey! Wait! What does it mean 'shrinks in cold water'?!"

OR

After the crimp, facelift and wardrobe change, Legolas approaches the Hobbits with his new look. Merry and Pippin, in order to escape humiliation, try to make it seem like they have been distracted by shiney things (as no doubt they often are) but poor Sam is left to cope with the awkward occurance:

Samwise: "N-no... it doesn't make your hips look too big..."

[Oddwen]

Pippin(thinking): Gee...I could just bring my elbow up a bit, and knock Sam one in the face...

Sam(thinking): Oh no...I hope he doesn't hit me in the face...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

When Sam got stuck in quicksand, Pippin would have helped... only... that sword was REALY shiny! :cool:

OR

Gimli: I can see a pattern. Leg'o' gets a bow, Bor'o' gets a belt, Merry'o' and Pip'o' get swords, Sam gets dirt, I'd better not ask for anything else it'll be some hair of hers that got stuck in the sink or something like that.

[Morsul the Dark]

Galadriel shakes her head in disbelief while:

Pippin;I cant believe it it actually does say this is not edible...why would she give us something not edible?

Merry:I don't know shes crazy.

Galadriel thinking:Gqandalf chose you guys to go....and he wonders why hes still not head of the white council jeez with judgement like this hed have to beat a balrog or something

[Lalwendë]

Galadriel: "Trick or treat? There will be nothing for you lads until one of you owns up to chucking that egg at my Flet. There's no point denying it, I can use Osanwe."



OR


Pippin: "Um, I know we were supposed to be taking your pet balrog for a walk, but he gave us the slip when he saw this wizard running about and chased him down a really, really big rabbit hole. We've brought his lead back though."

[Maeggaladiel]

Throughout Galadriel's entire speech, Pippin amused himself by frying ants with a magnifying lens.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Sam wonders when Pippin will notice that Galadriel stole his wallet.

OR

Pippin: What does it mean, "extremely flammable"?

[The Only Real Estel]

Playing off of Gurthang...

Galadriel: "And to you, Samwise Gamgee, I give you a piece of advice. XYZ."

Sam: X...Y...Z...huh? "Uh...have you run out of those nice, shiny daggers?"

[mormegil]

Pippin is dismayed that a picture is replacing him, however he is relieved to see that he's in this one too.

http://www.angelfire.com/film/rings/images/fotr32.JPG

Pippin: So how was the pub last night after we left Sam?

Sam: Oh Great! There was this elf chick and she was totally digging on me. We exchanged Palantir numbers so I'll be in contact with her soon.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

It’s a game of riddles and Sam has just asked, "What have I got in my Pocket?"

OR

Pippin notices that Sam has a wasp in his ear.

[Beanamir of Gondor]

Sam: Okay, ready?
[The four hobbits put the multicolored rings on their fingers and raise their hands into the middle of the circle.]
Hobbits: CAPTAIN ERUUUUU!
[Nothing happens.]
Frodo: [looks around] Oh, come on. Where's Linka-las?
Merry: Yeah, how are we going to save Middlearth without him? Without his ring we can't summon Captain Eru!

(okay, that was a giant inside joke...)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Sam's Robot Frodo was seen as a brilliant invention until one day;

Robo Frodo: Crush! Smash! Maim! Kill! Kill!

Sam: Erm... just ignore that...

[Maeggaladiel]

Sam's suggestion to go shoe shopping isn't well-recieved by his friends.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Merry: When is the bus due then?

Sam: Any time now.

Pippin: Is this even a bus stop?

Sam: ... ... erm...

OR

For those of you who have seen "Family guy presents: Stewie Griffin: the untold Story"

Sam: What? I just thought you could go in the suite like the astronauts!

[Kath]

Frodo: No, please tell me you did not forget another piece of clothing!

Sam: Err . . .

Pippin (stamping foot): Now we'll have to do this all over again!

[Gil-Galad]

Pippin: no! its step right pivot turn, do you want to anger the volcano-god!

or



Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: I have to go to the bathroom!
Sam: Nevermind

{will soon be deleted because i've been given a bad rep for "waste of space and the list didn't have to be that long" is it me or is somebody out to get me...again this person didn't sign it...}

[Hookbill the Goomba]

It seems that Frodo has seen Gandalf the grey... uncloaked. *Groan* this joke WILL die one day...

[CaptainofDespair]

The hobbits mingled, muttering to each other about that night's chosen topic for discussion. How, they wondered, could the Cult of Bombadil the Black, conceal their presence in Imladris...without resorting to killing Legolas.

[mormegil]

Sam: So Rosie and I were on a date last night.

Pippin: Well what happened?

Sam: Well Master Peregrin I'm not one to give all the juicy details as it not being proper.

Merry: Oh come now you must tell us what you did, you were alone for hours.

Sam: *blushing* Okay but you mustn't tell anyone....

All: Okay

Sam *still blushing* we held hands...can you believe it! It was pure magic.


this joke WILL die one day

only when he cloaks himself again :D

[luthien-elvenprincess]

Sam, "OK, dudes, I found out what it's all about...so listen up now, cuz I only wanna say this once...You put your right foot in, you put your right foot out...

[Valesse]

Following a bit after what Beanamir of Gondor was implying:

Hobbits: With our powers combind we are....!
Sam: ...still hobbits.
Pippin: Why to ruin the magic, Sam!
Frodo: Yeah, Samwise, nice going...
Sam: ... :(

OR

Staring contests weren't just big in the Shire-- they were fashion. Boromir found these four in the same place three weeks later and decided to end it all by moodily tucking Frodo between his arm and hip and carrying him off.

[SamwiseGamgee]

Merry: Look, Sam, when I stand like this my tummy is almost as big as your's.

Sam: Oh yeah, wheel out the fat jokes. Nobody's laughing, Meriadoc.

[Oddwen]

The three cruel "high-society-types" make cruel fun of the bones-of-the-earth Sam.

Or...

Sam: Hyup, got mah garden mulched, but tha pony must've been sick or somethin' cuz WHOOOEEEEE!

Or...

Pippin: Hey, I think he's turning into a Werewolf...

Or...

Pippin: Hey, wait a minute...didn't you have a mole on your nose?

Or...

Pippin: Hey, it's not polite to hold a conversation with your hands in your pockets!

[Holbytlass]

this joke WILL die one day
only when he cloaks himself again :D
So the hobbits are planning an intervention.

[The Only Real Estel]

Sam: "Remember that time when Frodo went dancing & forgot his belt!? That was hilarious!"

Frodo: "Uh, no. Let's not talk about that."

[Lalwendë]

The Hobbits do their best "Simplicity Sewing Patterns # 134 - Waistcoats and Pants Set" poses.

[The Elf-warrior]

Sam: "I think we should put a frog in her pocket."

All: "Yeah!"

Pippin: "You know, for once you had a brilliant idea, Sam!"

[The Only Real Estel]

Here we witness the monthly meeting of the Dieting Support Group Club:

Frodo: "Well, lets compare our results, shall we? After two months of strict dieting I lost five pounds." (*insert polite clapping)

Merry: "I lost six (*insert slightly louder polite clapping). How many did you lose, Pip?"

Pippin: "Four." (*insert subdued polite clapping)

Frodo: "Well, Sam? You look rather pleased with yourself. How many did you lose?"

Sam: "I ate bacon, sausages, steaks, & whatever else I wanted to for two months and lost ten! Guess you guys lost out..." (*insert a smug face from Sam & threatening faces from the others)

[Boromir88]

Frodo: Hey look, a new pic....

http://img-nex.theonering.net/images/scrapbook/9578.jpg

Gollum: Why shouldn't we eatsss you precious, eh? You're good sourcesss of protien.

Frodo: I think I'm going to be sick.

[The Only Real Estel]

Gollum: "Cow pies? What's cow pies, precious, eh, what's cow pies?"

Frodo: "Dude, put it down, you're making me sick."

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gollum: My precious? No, it’s not the same.

OR

Frodo: its almost as bad as watching Gandalf eating. And he does it uncloaked!

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

There were never any doubt of the outcome of the wrestling mach between Gollum and the worm; This was clearly displayed in the attendance number.

[The Only Real Estel]

Gollum: "Hello...has Fat Hobbit lost his dentures again?"

[Glirdan]

Gollum and the worm got into a "heated" disscussion.

or

Gollum and the worm were having an intense staring competition.

or

Gollum: HA!! That supid Baginsss played a trick on us by asking us what it gots in its poketss. But not this time preciousss. This time it's our turn.

[Kath]

Gollum: I wonder if I could snort this up my nose and then make it come out my mouth? Or maybe my ear?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gollum broke his monocle. :(

[mormegil]

After his role int he WW examination Gollum wonders if he found micro elf DNA.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gollum is worried about the latest pandemic: Worm flue. *groan*

OR

This is all Gollum had left after his game of poker with Sam.

Frodo: I did warn you.

[Boromir88]

Gollum: A balrog doesn't have wings sillies

or...

Tribute to Gurthang

Frodo: We're lost again.

Gollum: Go East you say?...Yes, wormses, it'ss stupid mapquest!

[Lalwendë]

While taking a break for lunch at the Dead Marshes branch of Greggs, Gollum is puzzled to find a strand of real meat in his steak pasty. Frodo only has gravy in his and feels jealous.



OR



Gollum: "Massster! Dirty Wraiths! The fell beast pooped and the wraith did not scoop!"

[SamwiseGamgee]

Gollum: I hold in my hand the key to our victory against Sauron. Will you aid us or thwart us? Choose swiftly!

Frodo: Groan...

[Bêthberry]

Frodo sees what fate awaits him and still is tempted by the Ring.

OR:

Frodo: "Don't you want fries with that, Gollem?"

OR:

Gollem: "Alas, poor Deagol, I knew him well."

[Valesse]

Gollum... the Archealogist.

OR

Frodo watched as Gollum not only tamed the no-doubt vicious worm, but taught it to balance upright atop of his very nose!

[The Elf-warrior]

Gollum: "This is an earthworm of Mordor!"

[The Only Real Estel]

Frodo smelled a fight brewing when Gollum found his platinum limited edition Keira Knightly action figure...burnt to a crisp, courtesy of a vengeful Master Samwise.

[AbercrombieOfRohan]

Frodo: Gollum, there's some lovely filth down here!

[Alcarillo]

Frodo: Augh! It's Grima's tongue! :eek:

[HerenIstarion]

Gollum: Good, good, this hook here, that bone there... where did that oliphaunt tusk go... m-mm... good, good...
Frodo: What are you doing, Smeagol?
Gollum: We are arranging archeological evidence, my precious, ain't we?
Frodo: What?
Gollum: Yes, yes my precious, they'll dig it up after many many years and they'll say, Homo Gollumus lived here, yes.
Frodo: Ah, I see. But they'll call it Homo Floresiensis. (http://69.51.5.41/showthread.php?t=11299)
Gollum: Why?
Frodo: Because you've arranged these bones in the form of a sunflower.
Gollum: What, did we? Ah, good, good, that is even better, we likes it. Good, this worm to the left, that bone there...

[dancing spawn of ungoliant]

The talk about bad school lunches wasn't groundless after all...

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Gollum: I found it! The One Ring-worm to Rule Them All!

[Lhunardawen]

A rehabilitated Gollum goes fishing...

[luthien-elvenprincess]

A disgusted Frodo watches as Gollum, dedicated epidemiologist-to-be, takes time during his travels to study various parasitic specimens of interest and enlightenment. I mean, really, how often can would one be able to find such a rich supply of orc droppings to examine?!

(sorry, I work in a medical lab! :D )

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gollum: So you infected my computer!

Frodo: No, a worm virus! Not a worm!

OR

Gollum was sure that if he kissed the worm it would turn into a princess and give him lots of gold.

Frodo waits to tell him that it only works with frogs and toads.

[SamwiseGamgee]

Gollum: I'm going to have to push you for an answer. Did you or did you not see a Ringwraith pass this way?

*Silence*

Gollum: It's a yes or no answer. Come on.

Frodo: You're not Paxman, Gollum.

[Lalwendë]

Gollum is about to eat a jelly worm he has found on the floor.

Frodo: "Don't eat that! You don't know where it's been!"
Gollum: "sssss, I'll eat what I like, you're not my mother."


OR


Gollum is horrified to find a particularly thick Hobbit hair in his pizza.

[Valesse]

Smeagol and Gollum play a little "Good cop/ Bad cop" with an offending worm.

OR

Gollum: Whatss that Lasssssie? Fat hobbitsie is going to turn on us! Well no if we turn on fat hobbit first... Yessss...
Fordo: Um... I'll just pretend like I didn't hear that.

OR

Frodo: Smeagol is a parsel mouth!

[davem]

PJ decides Tolkien's text needs updating for a contemporary audience. 'The cold hard lands, they bites our hands' is out in favour of a more catchy lyric:

Gollum (sings):
"Nobody likes me,
Everybody hates me,
Guess I'll go eat worms,

Long, thin, slimy ones,
Short, fat, juicy ones,
Itsy, bitsy, fuzzy wuzzy worms.

Down goes the first one,
Down goes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm.

Up comes the first one,
Up comes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm."

[Gurthang]

Gollum thought that the worm was dead. That was until it suddenly lunged for his eye!

OR

Frodo: "I can't believe that was in his ear!"

OR

Frodo can hardly hold his laughter as Gollum searches for the Nutritional Facts on this worm.

OR

Sam has been turned into a worm.
Gollum: "So, what does we think of Stinker now, Fat Hobbit."

[Valesse]

Gollum explains his religious beliefs to Frodo during a break in their journey to the Black Gate... through Aquabat lyrics!

-Where does dirt come from?
-Dirt comes from: The Worms.
-Wow! Awesome!

There is a chipmunk
At the center of the earth
And in his big oven
He bakes his own desserts
He warms the ocean
And from that, life springs forth
Little organisms building trash around the clock

Compost heaps
Or melting pots
For Farmer John's
Smoked Sausage stocks

Worms make the dirt
And the dirt makes the earth
And all of the roots have a place to sleep now
All the chanuks have squash to eat now
Worms make the dirt
And the dirt makes the earth
And people hold hands and feel terrific
Food comes from dirt
It's scientific

Yeah! Wow!
There's so much to learn!

The Sun came from a cave
And it made the clouds go by
(Hi!)
The clouds had a conference
And rain fell from the sky
(Wow!)
Worms got thirsty
From eating too much dirt
(Yeah!)
They came up through the ground
And got eaten by the birds
(Huh?)
Some worms escaped
With their lives
(Oh boy!)
They excreted soil
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Worms make the dirt
And the dirt makes the earth
And all of the roots have a place to sleep now
All the chanuks have squash to eat now
Worms make the dirt
And the dirt makes the earth
And people hold hands and feel terrific
Food comes from dirt
It's scientific

THE MIRACLE OF LIFE IS AWESOME!
AWESOME!

[The Only Real Estel]

There has been a murder in the village, but what kind of creature has done it? It could've been a viscous oversized mutt for all the villagers know, so what do they do? They turn to villager Gollum, of course, who's occupation just happens to be Suspicious Feces Examiner...

Gollum: "Sniff, sniff. Yeerrkk, bleck. Definitly a werewolf; probably three of them. We'd better get busy..."

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gollum: Forth, wormorlingas!

Frodo: *Groan*

OR

Gollum: Is this a worm I see before me?

Frodo: He's doing Shakespeare again.

Sam: What is it this time?

Frodo: Mac Beth.

Sam: OH! Get him to do Richard III! I love that one!

[Lalwendë]

Gollum the Health & Safety Officer calls a sudden halt to any more questing.

"All Hobbitses must go home to Hobbiton and get some sturdy bootses on. Gollum has found nassty rusty nailses so he has. Masster cannot go any further. I will not allow it."

[Fordim Hedgethistle]

Gollum: Ugh, ugh....errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...arg...ARG...ARG. *pant pant* EEEEEEEYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Sound Effect: *Splorp*

Frodo: How revolting!

Gollum: Revolting? Yes, yes Precious. Long has it tormented us. Long has it blocked our nose. Poor Gollum, poor poor Gollum. For years and years has it tormented us, the booger of doom. But now it's ours, OURS!

[The Saucepan Man]

Frodo was not at all convinced that Gollum's plan of wearing false moustaches would guarantee them safe passage into Mordor, particularly as Gollum appeared to have no idea which way up his should go.

[mormegil]

Gollum: Look precious...a new picture.

http://www.hdr-see.de/rotk-see-pics/11/01.jpg

Merry: Good old Gandalf, taking on all those orcs with the power of his uncloaking.


or


Merry: Wow look here's a notch conveniently here for a hobbit.

[Kitanna]

I feel inclined to use this because of Merry's expression.

Merry: Camelot!
Aragorn: It's only a model.

[bilbo_baggins]

Aragorn: How about I smack this pesky hobbit's head in this convenient notch right here...

[SamwiseGamgee]

Aragorn: Some day, my son, all this shall be yours.

Merry: Erm...

[Valesse]

Merry: "Where the corn is as high as an oliphant's eeeeeeye..!"
Aragorn: "...those are wooden posts, Merry."
Merry: "Well... well fine. I didn't feel like spelling out Oklahoma anyway."

OR

Aragorn: "Do you think Boo Radley is in there, Jem?"
Merry: "No, I don't, and quit calling me Jem."

OR

Aragorn: "Repeat after me... Your mother was a hampster..."
Merry: ... :rolleyes:

[Formendacil]

Aragorn shows Merry his favourite part of Rivendell- his secret viewpoint for watching the elfmaidens go off to their bath...

[Lalwendë]

After escaping from the halfway house, Aragorn and Merry decided to try playing the Pan Pipes in the Edoras shopping precinct to earn a few quid for a three litre bottle of cider.

[Kath]

Merry: Please Aragorn I think I can cope with the loss of Pippin. I don't need my head cut off.

Aragorn: Look you I just invented this guillotine and I'm going to use it!