Crazy Captions

[Gurthang]

Elrond: "Is it over here? I don't know where else to look..."
Arwen: "I think I see it down there! Oh, nope, just a rock."
Elrond: "Blast, that's the last time I let Gandalf hide the Easter Eggs!"

OR

Elrond wonders where his other shoulder angel is. He wants to do something evil and the Evil Angel just won't show!

[Maeggaladiel]

Despite her father's warnings, Arwen decides to see whether her giant sleeves could actually act as wings.


OR

Elrond: I don't care if your friends jumped off the bridge! You can't!

[Mithalwen]

Hi! Elrond here, asking whether you have problems with lichen on stone work or persitent mortal potential sons in law? They are a challenge for some household cleaners but not for Cillit Bang! (http://www.nothingtodo.co.uk/view/1350/Movies/Humorous-Movies/Cillit_Bang_Remix.html)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Elrond: I didn't want to be an Elf lord.

Arwen: Not this again...

Elrond: I wanted to be a lumberjack! Leaping from tree to tree! ... (and so on...)

OR

A sinister smile creeps across Elrond's face as he reaches for the 'destroy bridge' leaver.

[mormegil]

Elrond comes to a sudden halt and realizes that the immortal hound Huan has not been cleaning up after himself again!

[Lalwendë]

Elrond wishes he had fathered a daughter with the intellectual capacity to play chess once in a while. Pooh Sticks could get so tiresome...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Arwen: I'll jump if we don't get a new picture!

http://img-nex.theonering.net/images/scrapbook/5163.jpg

Théoden: I'll Kill you!... Oh, nice boots!

OR

Théoden: Do up your fly or else!

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Going straight for the sensitive area.

[Lalwendë]

Theoden: "I assure you. If you keep still I will get the wasp in one clean stroke...............Oh. Oops!"

[Kuruharan]

Theoden reacts violently to seeing the orc uncloaked!!

(Ack! The evil forces of uncloaking have inflitrated my brain!)

[Kitanna]

Theoden: So you make the incision here and cut downwards.

[Bêthberry]

Theoden takes great offense at the orc's attempt to imitate Beorn with fake claws and fake bear paws.

(Hint: Check out the bear talk on the currentThe Hobbit Chapter by Chapter thread (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showthread.php?p=469906#post469906).)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Théoden: As soon as I get this sword out of the ceiling, you're going to get it! :mad:

OR

As King of Rohan, Théoden had to deal with those little Children on ASBOs in some way...

[mormegil]

Theodon, a true nobleman, would check for any hint of body odor even during battle.


or


How dare you make fun of my velvet shirt!


or

How dare you show me a picture of Gandalf the Grey unlcoaked!

[Meela]

Theoden: Aah... aahh...
Orc: Noooo!!
Theoden: Aaaahhh..... choooooo!

[Gurthang]

Theoden and an orc fight over the last pack of Juicy Fruit.

[Kath]

Theoden hadn't quite worked out that autopsies were supposed to be conducted after death had occurred.

[mormegil]

Theoden: You shall fear my wrath foul beast of Mordor. Nothing shalll stay my hand...Wait! What's that? That dog has a poofy tail *prances off after dog* come here poofy.

[narfforc]

Theoden fails his Open University Anatomy Course when using Herugrim instead of a scalpel.

[Oddwen]

Theoden: YEEEEEEEER OUUUUUT!

[Kitanna]

Theoden was caught off guard by the orc's stunning necklace.
Theoden: Is that real diamond?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Inspired by a Monty Python sketch

When the Orc opened his coat to reveal a small sign that said, "Boo", Théoden was terrified!

[Mithalwen]

Travelling on the tube in Rohan really could be murder....

[Gurthang]

Theoden: *Oh, this is so sad... I think I'm gonna cry. Better act angry so people won't know I'm a really sensitive guy!*

[Boromir88]

Theoden suffers from narcolepsy

[Parmastahir]

"You put your left arm up ... no, up ... that's it,
you put your left down ... no, down ... OK
you put your left arm in and you shake it all about.
Do the Hokey-Pokey and you turn yourself around
... around ... around!!
and that's what it's all about.
OK, I give up. I'll refund your deposit.
Better yet, I'll run you through and keep it.
Heeeyaaawwww!!!"

[Boromir88]

Before dispatching his foe, Theoden likes to give them front row tickets to the "gun show."

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The Orc soon realised why Medelseld had no windows.

Théoden: For the last time, we don't want any double-glazing!

OR

"Height restrictions" were getting strict.

[Nimrodel_9]

No! It's my Butterfinger! And you can't have it!

[Maeggaladiel]

Theoden demonstrates his exceptional flamenco dancing skills to the orcs, but his talent is wasted on the uncultured beasts.

[Lalwendë]

Theoden's extreme body dysmorphia gave him an obsession with checking out the size of his own backside every five minutes. It was a good job he also avoided looking in mirrors and so never saw his warty, scaly true self.

[mormegil]

Theoden: No more new pictures! I must remain forever!

http://terres.milieu.free.fr/PERSOS/PERSOS_PICS/GALADRIEL/arwen_galadriel.jpg

Galdriel: It's okay Arwen dear we all see Gandalf the Grey uncloaked in my mirror.


or


Arwen: Don't touch me hag!


or


Galadriel: It's okay, just because Aragorn said he'd rather take up this suicidal crusade rather than spend time with you doesn't me that he doesn't love you.

[Kitanna]

Arwen: Why didn't anyone come to my birthday party?
Galadriel: I told you booking Dwarves for entertainment was a bad idea, dear.

[Mithalwen]

Galadriel: "Now Arwen are you sure you don't know who chopped a foot off the bottom of this dress.....

Arwen: No, Grannie..

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

"There, there, dear. Want some toffee? Would toffee make it better, sweetie?"

(All Grannies say that — fact. :D )

[Oddwen]

(All Grannies say that — fact. :D ) Mine didn't. :p

*-*-*-*

Galadriel: You're in my chair.

Or...

(Galadriel walks up behind Arwen, places her hand on her shoulder, and stares with a glassy-eyed smile at an invisible spot on her forehead. Arwen demands to know what she's doing several times, but receiving no answer, screams and runs off.)

Galadriel: Heh heh, that got her out of my chair.

Or...

Galadriel: Get out of my chair, wench! *shove*

Or...

Musical chairs in Lorien always ended up with someone in tears.

Or...

Galadriel: Dear, why did you drape yourself in toilet paper?
Arwen: I'm in mourning.
Galadriel: I think you're thinking of crepe paper, my dear.

Or...

Galadriel: My daughter, why are you here?

Arwen: I'm just sitting here thinking.

Galadriel: No, I mean 'Why are you here in Lorien?' Aren't you supposed to be on your way to Helm's Deep?

Arwen: *sigh*

Or...

Does anyone else think it looks like they're in a glass tube? o.O

Then...

Galadriel: Beam us up, Scotty

Or...

Arwen: *pouty pout pout*

Galadriel: I told you too much toffee would rot your teeth.

Or...

Galadriel: Darling, I have something to tell you. I'm sorry it had to come from me, but...your father is an idiot.

Or...

Galadriel: You've got your father's hair. Dang. The blonde gene must be recessive. *muttermutterAlatariel, used to be renowned for my hairmuttermutterstupidperedhilruiningthelinemutter mutter*

Or...

Galadriel: You've got your father's hair.

Arwen: Yes, it took me hours to shave it all off.

Or...

Galadriel: ...and this is called a shoulder.

Arwen: I KNOW!!

Or...

Galadriel: ...the elbow bone's connected to the shoulder bone, the shoulder bone's connected to the collar bone, the collar bone...

Or...

Galadriel: Your shoulder is cold. The life of the Eldar is leaving you!


Okay, I'll stop now.

Galadriel: Cheer up Arwen, Oddwen is going to stop captioning us now!
Arwen: *sniffle*

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Galadriel: No, no. I'm sure he didn't say "rather put my head in a vice"... I'm sure you miss heard him... He probably said... erm.. "I'd like your advice"

OR

Arwen always had trouble getting to know the strange lorien customs.

Galadriel: The dinner table is behind you.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Galadriel: Now, now, dear, you needn't be jealous - it was only a horse kissing Aragorn!

[mormegil]

Galadriel: Now, now, dear, you needn't be jealous - it was only a horse kissing Aragorn!

But he told me he enjoyed it!

[Meela]

Galadriel: So that's where my shawl disappeared to! *snitch!*

Or

Galadriel: Don't feel bad dear, it just takes a certain kind of regality to pull off white! And anyway, you look lovely in your father's purple cloak.

[Lalwendë]

Arwen is dumbstruck as yet another hair stylist asks her if she's "been anywhere nice lately?"

[Kath]

Galadriel: Arwen, of course Elrond is your real father!

Arwen: Damn it, I was so hoping I'd been adopted.

[Mithalwen]

"There, there, dear. Want some toffee? Would toffee make it better, sweetie?"

(All Grannies say that — fact. :D )

Mine was more likely to offer industrial strength Mint Imperials - and later gin.... :p

Galadriel : "I never said I didn't like Aragorn, I just asked him if he would like to freshen up after his journey"

[Maeggaladiel]

Galadriel: Okay sweetie, this time let's give you bangs and maybe a few light brown highlights, hmm?

OR


Galadriel: Now, you just stay in the Time-Out chair and think about what you've done! And when I come back, you're going to apologise to Celeborn for mocking his hair, you hear me?

OR

Galadriel: Tag. You're it.
Arwen: .......

[The Elf-warrior]

Galadriel comforts Arwen after she learned that not only did Aragorn not win The Ocean of Fire horserace but that there is no such race.

[Parmastahir]

Arwen: "Grammy, how could she?"

Galadriel: "Look, Elrond is a good elf and powerful lord. But, two children in an age of this world? Celebrian had a few drinks, took in an Aerosmith concert, and . . . well, the rest as they say is history."

Arwen: "I hear they're still touring. Do you have the power to get some tickets?!"

[Boromir88]

Galadriel: There there my child, Gimli has this effect on a lot of women...why that beard...and that gruff voice...that stubborn personality...and...and... ::sigh:: had only I met him sooner.

Arwen: Who mentioned Gimli?

[The Sixth Wizard]

Arwen: Look, Grannie, I know you like the dwarf-made shoulder pads, but this is ridiculous!

Galadriel: Oh, the silky smoothness!

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Galadriel: Just because you saw that flax-haired Rohirrim shieldmaiden galloping across the prairie beside Aragorn doesn't mean that blondes always have more fun. Now be a good girl, put the bleach away, and come with me. I want to show you some exciting new thread colors for your embroidery!

[Lalwendë]

Arwen sits and sulks while Granny drapes her in white shawls in an attempt to persuade her that she can wear something a little brighter than her usual purple Goth dresses.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Arwen: I saw something odd in the mirror.

Galadriel: What was it?

Arwen: A new picture!

http://img-nex.theonering.net/images/scrapbook/11540.jpg

Denethor: Run away!

*Palace explodes*

OR

Denethor: I know how to get the moral up among the men. I'll do a special dance!

[Lalwendë]

Neo looks at the floor and shakes his head in exasperation as Denethor runs from the Citadel shouting "No need for a war! Throw down your weapons when you see the Orc hordes approach! None of this is real! The Ring was just a glitch in the matrix!"

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Denethor does his thing on the catwalk, singing: "I'm too sexy for my cloak"...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The soldier on the right doesn’t want Denethor to realise that the plate he was supposed to be spinning on his stick has been stolen.

OR

The mysterious Zimmer frame thief strikes again!

[Bêthberry]

Denethor: 'No, no, no! I refuse to listen to that Animal Rights activist. What's the fun of being Steward if I can't wear fur?"

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Denethor lags behind in the Gondor marathon.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Inspired by...

Denethor: 'No, no, no! I refuse to listen to that Animal Rights activist. What's the fun of being Steward if I can't wear fur?"


Denethor: All right! If you'll let me wear fur, I'll let you skin Faramir alive. (http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/WAAL.jpg) Deal?

Faramir: :eek:

OR

Denethor hadn’t quite got the hang of this uncloaking malarkey.

[mormegil]

The poor man in blue found that Denethor was very strict on his one bathroom break per day policy.

[Oddwen]

Guy in Blue: *hums nonchalantly* *zips up fly*

[Lalwendë]

Guard: "Stand back for Denethor! He has heard the chimes of the Citadel ice cream van and he wants his 99 before it goes!"

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Global cooling, Ice Age - whatever comes, Denethor is already prepared!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Denethor hopes no one will notice that he's wearing tights. :eek:

OR

The Stewards were always in office for so long. Denethor had managed to make a coat out of his hair.

[Mithalwen]

Many thought that Denethor had been an unaffectionate husband but he wore the waistcoat Finduilas had knitted with more love than skill for the rest of his life...

[Lalwendë]

Denethor was mortified when he was caught out prancing around in his mother's dress, coat and high heeled boots.

[Meela]

There was only one working bathroom in Minas Tirith, and Denethor was determined to be first in the queue.

Or

Guard: Meela hiding under his bed again, huh? She will keep ignoring that restraining order...

[THE Ka]

Denethor had, like many other Gondorians in this time of pessimism, been taken in with the awe inspiring, gruff and easy to follow Tae Bo routines of Billy Blanks...

~ Aesthete

[Alcarillo]

Guess what was in the tower . . . Gandalf uncloaked.

*groan* :rolleyes:


or


Rather than dying by pyre, Denethor has chosen to jog around the city in a fur coat and chain mail. The soldiers have made bets on which circle he finally collapses.

[The Elf-warrior]

Denethor was busy firing up the troops.

[The Sixth Wizard]

Denethor is attempting to say that the series of events is all a wierd half-reality and they are only performing in this massive war and siege for the sake of something he heard was a "Moshun Pik Cha Trillojy" when he is unexpectedly bonked over the head by Gandalf.

Denethor: "It's all just a wierd half-reality and we are only performing in this massive war and siege for the sake of a Moshun Pik Cha Tril - !"

Gandalf: *BONK* :rolleyes:

[narfforc]

Denethor has caught the cook stealing rations, the cook has the last barrel of oil in the citidel. Denethor screams in anger at the thief: Come back here with that oil, apart from this fur coat it is the only thing that will keep me warm.........

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Denethor: Peregrine Took! What have I told you about playing with fire?

Pippin: Erm...

[Maeggaladiel]

Denethor needs to build up a certain speed before his +5 Coat of Gliding can sustain flight.
*runs to city's edge*
Denethor: Up, Up, and AWAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!!


OR

Denethor can't figure out why the Animal Rights activists are constantly getting on his case. What was wrong with his jacket?!

[Boromir88]

Denethor has to see for himself because he doesn't believe a giant gorilla is climbing the Tower of Ecthelion.

Denethor: Hey buster! Why don't you go climb the Empire State Building or something...go on, scram.....OH CRAP.

[Valesse]

(inspired by: )
Guard: "Stand back for Denethor! He has heard the chimes of the Citadel ice cream van and he wants his 99 before it goes!"
Denethor: "Wait! Wait for me, Ice Cream man! I'm in dire need for a Dreamcicle!!"

OR

(for World of Warcraft fans)
Denethor: "Leeeeeeeerooooooooy Jenkins!"

[Gandalf_the _white]

Inpired by the mount zoom xchallenge thread:

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !
FARAMIR UNCLOAKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Meela]

Denethor didn't care who saw him in his PJs and fuzzy dressing gown, he was not letting Gandalf waste that last match on his pipe.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Denethor has just realised that he dropped his car keys in the first level of the City! :eek:

OR

Inspired by Blackadder

Denethor: Quick! We must get to theatre before we miss the first act!

Butler: Coming, sir, as fast as I can... Stick the kettle on Stanley. *Snores*

[Gurthang]

Denethor: "Abandon your posts! Flee for your li-*ACHOO!*"
PJ: "Cut! Drat it, you're the only one who does that, and that's the 15th take in a row! Now stop it!"
Denethor: "I ca-*ACHOO!*, can't."

[Farael]

Denethor scrambles to the Armour-smith as he realizes-too late- that he should have not asked him to wield his armour shut... it's not easy to potty with so much iron on.

[Boromir88]

Denethor: My son, My son has come back to me! Ahhh, it's only a new picture...

http://www.theargonath.cc/pictures/tttdvdexp/tttdvdexp51.jpg

Aragorn holds Brego back from brawling with Shadowfax.

[Glirdan]

Brego pushes Aragorn ahead faster so he can go to the washroom in private.

[Mithalwen]

Horse: "Oh come on..you snogged the other horse.... why not me?"

Aragorn: "No you don't understand it was a mistake... I thought it was my fiancee.."

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Horse: I love your aftershave! Smells like my mother.

Aragorn: I'm not wearing aftershave! :mad:

[mormegil]

Brego is very excited about his trip to the vets to get 'tutored'

or

Brego is excited about the field trip to the glue factory.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Anyway...

Horse: *Snore*

[Glirdan]

Solider in back - *whispers out of the side of his mouth to the woman behind him* I put glue on Aragorn's coat, right where the horse's head is. Now he's going to have a horse following him all over the place! *Snigger's*

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Brego was a mean drunk.

or

"Anyone seen my horse tranquilisers? Oh...."

or

Aragorn's version of 'Pin the tail on the donkey' did not meet with universal approval.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Brego: I'll follow you to the end of the age!

Aragorn: Oh my goodness! A talking horse! I'll be rich! :D

OR

Brego: Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more. ;)

[Gurthang]

Brego decides to play dominoes.

OR

Aragorn and Brego do their 'secret handshake' just to make sure they're the real ones.

[The Elf-warrior]

Brego keeled over after eating Eowyn's soup.

[Formendacil]

The original actor chosen to play Arwen wasn't a big hit with Viggo. "Horse-face", as she was called, was simply too pushy.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Brego: *Thinking* I'll distract him while the soldier pickpockets him!

OR

Aragorn: Look, I didn't mean it like that! :eek:

[Boromir88]

Brego has fun doing some Ranger tipping...

OR

The soldier enjoys getting Aragorn back, by spraying him with horse musk after Aragorn had bleached his beard the night before.

[Meela]

After the Arwen incident, Brego gets his own back by mistaking Aragorn for a lady-horse.

Or

Horse: *kissy kissy*
Aragorn: Hey, don't go drooling on me, I just washed that cloak!
Horse: *keels over at the shock of Aragorn actually washing*

Or

Guard: Security check, sir. Just stand still and let the horse do his job.
Aragorn: But I'm clean!
Horse: Oh really? *sniff* Bingo! Suspect carrying half a kilo of weed...
Aragorn: Hey, that's Gandalf's-
Horse: aaand... *sniff, sniff* Mmmm, mouldy apples...

[The Only Real Estel]

Middle Earth's version of Dumb & Dumber(er).

[Gurthang]

Brego wants to go for another ride. It wasn't hard convincing Aragorn; he was sort of a push over* when it came to that sort of thing.

*:rolleyes: (Bad puns abound.)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Brego: Pleeeeeaaaase! I'll be your friend!

OR

Aragorn: Look, Gimli, for the last time; I'm not doing the pantomime horse with you!

[Gandalf_the _white]

brego:c'mon i've carried you on my back ages now its your turn!!

[The Only Real Estel]

Brego: "Come on, go up there to that man in the shiny armor and ask for directions!"

Aragorn: "Cut it out will you!? I've got this all under control - we're not lost!"

[Valesse]

Brego, the narcoleptic.

OR

A terrible jokester, Brego lovingly rubbed his face against Aragorn's bad shoulder.

[Anguirel]

Aragorn is killed in Kath's Werewolf game.

ARAGORN: My favourite animal is a horse...wait! Noooo!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Aragorn tries to hide his new best friend.

OR

Shadowfax got back from a week in Jamaica with a tan and a new life style.

S-F: Hay mon! Give me some love!

[Gandalf_the _white]

shadow-fax's mud bath treatment was going well

[Holbytlass]

Aragorn: I know, I know- we need another for the cellular "bars" commercial.

[The Only Real Estel]

Viggo finally met his match in headbutting.

[Maeggaladiel]

Brego: Don't worry Aragorn. I've got your back.

OR

The Rohirrim loved playing Extreme Horse Bowling. Aragorn didn't know why he always had to be the pin.

OR

Brego: He's so dreamy...

OR

Aragorn: You're not fooling anyone with your fake fainting act, you know. We're riding up that mountain whether you like it or not.

[Gandalf_the _white]

What was brego hiding from?
Gandalf uncloaked of course :rolleyes:

or

(Inspired by Hookbill)
Brego came back from his trip to Jamaica believing he was Jamaican
Brego: Touch meh!!!

[The Elf-warrior]

http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d78/ShelobsBane/shelobslair.jpg


Shelob's behind, an eye's ahead
And one path there is to tread.
Through shadow, to the Sammath Naur
Where all hope is dark and far.
Ash and Shadow, cloud and shade
All shall fade. All shall fade...

[The Only Real Estel]

The Terror that lay in Cirth-Ungol was not Shelob, the Giant Spider, but Steve, the giant squid from 20,000 leagues under the sea.

[Glirdan]

It's a bird! No! It's a plane!! No!! It's Shelob! Wait a minute...

[Kitanna]

Frodo never truly knew the danger of standing Shelob up for a date.

[Maeggaladiel]

Shelob: Dat punk's gonna learn not to mess with da Spyder Gang, yo!!

OR

Shelob: I told you once before, I do NOT want to buy any Hobbit Scout cookies! Now get off my lawn, you little hairy-footed brat!!

OR

Shelob: Shh!! Guys, he's coming! Okay, everybody hide behind the sofa, and when he comes in, we'll jump up and yell SURPRISE!!!

[narfforc]

Shelob wonders what a Jedi Knight was doing wandering around Cirith Ungol

[HerenIstarion]

Ron Weasly should not have eaten that much of Every Flavour Beans before going to sleep...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Shelob: With any luck, he'll walk straight into the electric flytrap.

Frodo: The light! It’s so beautiful! *zap*

OR

Shelob: He stole my torch!

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

"I know! I'll hide next to this bright source of light: that ought to hide me!"

or

Just when Frodo needed it most, the Anakronism Dweomer opened up a gateway to another dimension.

[Kath]

Shelob tries to work out which film she's in, as she spies Frodo wielding a lightsaber.

[Meela]

Frodo: Trick or trea- *runs screaming*
Shelob: Hey, you forgot your candy!

[Oddwen]

Steve, the giant squid from 20,000 leagues under the sea.
Frodo: A squid?! Where's Boromir when you need him!

[The Only Real Estel]

Shelob always loved it when her meals 'escaped' only to smack straight into the concrete wall with the realistic backdrop painted on it...

Shelob: "Any moment now..."

[Naria]

Shelob always felt guilty about eating all of her meals "on the run"! :D

[Mithalwen]

THe next formulaic blockbuster by Dan Brown is certain to reignite the controversy created by "The da Vinci Code",with its claims that Moses was motivated by arachnophobia when he parted the Red Sea and that the Needles Lighthouse was originally located in Sinai but brought to the Isle of Wight by Joseph of Arimathea.

[Gurthang]

(From The Lion King)
Shelob(to herself): "Hey, did I order this dinner to go?"
Shelob(answering self): "No. Why?"
Shelob: "Because there it goes!"

OR

(From Forrest Gump)
Shelob: "Run, Forrest, Run!"

OR

(From A Bug's Life)
Shelob: "Don't look at the light!"
Frodo: "I can't help it; it's so beautiful!"

[The Sixth Wizard]

TSW here...

Shelob: Oooh pretty... *SSST* Ow!!

OR

Sam: Take my Mortein power!
*SSST*
Shelob: OW!!!!!!

OR

The hobbits apparently aren't listening to the idea that standing still keeps large beasts from seeing you.

And just since I missed the horse one... I couldn't resist giving it a caption...

Aragorn: At least we've got real horses. You've got coconuts!
Èomer: What?
Aragorn: You've got two coconuts and you're bangin' em together!
Èomer: So? We have ridden from Edoras since -
Aragorn: Edoras? That's temperate! Coconuts are tropical!
Èomer: But...
Aragorn: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate??

Sorry for the extra long post!

[Holbytlass]

Shelob: (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/member.php?u=4543)WAIT!! I'm loved at the Barrow Downs! Doesn't that count for something?!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Shelob: *pant, pant* *wheeze* *struggle* I need to lose some weight.

OR

Shelob: I bet Ungoliant never had this trouble.

[Formendacil]

Shelob (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/member.php?u=4543) had difficulty attracting players for her Werewolf game.

[The Only Real Estel]

Shelob: "Now he's got a long schwartz!"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Shelob: No Frodo! Come back! I didn't mean it like that! :(

OR

Frodo: Look, Mrs Lob, if you don't pay your bills you get cut off. Now you'll have to find your own torch.

[mormegil]

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g310/The_Mormegil/ElrondandArwen_edited.jpg

Elrond: Dear, we really need to stop reading bed-time stories. You are old enough and I'm not sure that Aragorn will continue.

Arwen: But how shall I fall asleep without them?


or


Arwen: Do you love me Father?

Hugo: ummm...line

PJ: *sigh* YES!


or


Elrond: *sniffling* And then they realized, they were no longer little girls: they were little women.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Caption time...


This was the last time Elrond let Arwen do his hair.

OR

Arwen: Where’d my book go?

Elrond: And I paid all that money for your education?

[Kitanna]

Elrond: Arwen, aren't you a little old for Green Eggs and Ham?

[Boromir88]

Elrond: Is that blood on your hands?

Arwen: For the last time I did not do anything to Glorfindel!

[Mithalwen]

Elrond tried to supress a smirk, he had tried to warn Arwen what would happen if she let Changing Rooms do a make over but would she listen..

With admirable sangfroid, Elrond maintains his composure as the man lurking in the curtains sticks his hand up his skirt....

[mormegil]

Arwen: Father is Varda unpopular and boring?

Elrond: Why do you ask?

Arwen: Well all the stars are 'Square'

:rolleyes:

[Meela]

Arwen: Oh pleeeaase...
Elrond: No Arwen, you may not do coloring in until your room is tidy. And look at all that crayon on your hands!

Or

While Arwen distracts Elrond with her coloring book, Elrohir quietly destroys that hideous grey dressing gown he refused to throw out.

[Boromir88]

Elrond: Aren't you a little too old to still want to be read bed-time stories?

OR...

Elrond: Wait a second...Intro to Gondorian Politics...this isn't your book. Has that blasted Ranger boy been back after I forbade you from seeing him?

Arwen: I swear ada, there has been no one hiding in this room, especially not behind the curtains.

[Oddwen]

Playing off of Morm -

Elrond: Dear, we really need to stop reading bed-time stories. You are old enough and I'm not sure that Aragorn will continue.

Arwen: Oh, he does....oops.

Elrond: AND HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THAT, YOUNG LADY?

Or...

Elrond: And that constellation is the big dipper.

Or...

Elrond: And that constellation is the big dipper. Hey, wait...computer! The holodeck is malfuncitoning again!

Or...

Elrond: In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some...EEEEEE! Someone's got a cold hand!

Or...

Elrond: So is this what you call...a book?

Or...

Look, behind the curtains! It's the return of Steve, the squid from 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea!!

[narfforc]

Arwen: Father, why is that man holding flowers near your bottom?

Elrond: That meat you cooked last night was off, and I have a bad case of wind, that's why people call you Arwen Undomesticated.

[Bêthberry]

Arwen: But of all things, Dad, a mullet?

Elrond: My dear Arwen, it is but a part mullet. The business in the front is receding.

[Glirdan]

Arwen: But Daaad!!

Elrond: If I've I told you once, I've told you a thousand times! You are NOT trying out for the role of Cyndi in Scary Movie 1 and I will NOT help you practice by being the murderer!!

or

Arwen: Dad? Was Legolas fixing up your hair again?

or even

Arwen: Dad? Was Legolas fixing up your hare again?

or even more

Elrond: You didn't hit a single note on cue OR on key! You're fired!

or again

Man 'holding' the flowers: Will you marry me?

Arwen: YES!!!

Elrond: NO! Wait...was that even a part of the script!?!? :eek:

[The Sixth Wizard]

Elrond uselessly attempts to get Arwen to sleep with a bed-time story, Aragorn comes home in 20 minutes (and he's wearing that special perfume), completely unaware that Aragorn, lurking behind the curtains, is going to ALL lengths to incapacitate him.

OR

Arwen: Father, why are you so grumpy looking all the time these days? Ever since that party with Galadriel in Third Age 1042, I mean, what happened?

Elrond: (groan) Lets just say the water from her mirror and a Vodka Cruiser don't mix, ooooohhhh (holds stomach)

OR

Elrond: That's it young lady, I told you to stay away from that Ranger, now take your punishment! A half-hour reading from the Poems of Ted Sandyman!!

Arwen: NOOOOO!

OR

Arwen: *sigh* I wish Aragorn was home, father's readings always make me so glassy-eyed... and that wall in the background, what was wrong with SHOWING the stars, instead of painting them on the wallpaper!

[The Only Real Estel]

Elrond flips through a wallpaper sampler book...

Elrond: "What do you think, daughter: The flowers or the leaves?"

Arwen: "Frankly father, I don't care. Anything's better than this horrid blue with random white spots!" :eek:

[narfforc]

Arwen is holding a sleeping bag as she tells her father: If you don't get this room re-decorated, then I am sleeping under the constelation of Menofmacoroni and Squarespagetti.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Elrond: This is utter dribble! Mindless blabber and silly statements that mean nothing. What is this rubbish?

Arwen: My diary.

OR

Elrond: Okay... Aha... Ummm... yes... of course...

Arwen: Father, I stopped talking five minuets ago...

Elrond: Hmmm... yes... Indeed...

[Lalwendë]

Elrond is about to find out that the book he has just taken from Arwen and Aragorn is titled 1001 Ways to Give A Wedgie.

[narfforc]

Elrond: This book is dull, boring and tedious, it has no imagination, lacks depth and has no credible storyline, what did you say the name of the author was?

Arwen: Germaine Greer.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Elrond: Ring of Aoom, Ring of Boom, Ring of Coom, Ring of Doom, Ring of...

Arwen: That was it! Go back!

Elrond:... Ring of Eoom, Ring of foom. Nope, not in here. I afraid Aragorn was lying to you. You'll have to go to Valinor now.

Or

Awen is shocked as her father discovers the hollowed out book...

Elrond: So, this is where you've been hiding the Bacon!

[mormegil]

Arwen sits down as Elrond prepares to give his 'birds and bees' talk.

[Mithalwen]

It was pointless trying to get Elrond to listen when he was reading the sport section of the Eriador Telegraph....

[Bêthberry]

Hugo wonders whether he should take his cue from Nigel Hawthorne's Archdeacon Grantly in the Barchester Chronicles or from Alan Rickman's Obadiah Slope while Liv with resignation contemplates her Eleanor Harding-Bold role.

[The Only Real Estel]

Elrond: "My goodness how fasinating! I never knew all this about history. Thank goodness for this book, what'd you say it was? The DaVinci Code? I'll have to tell my friends about this..."

Arwen: "Uh, Dad. It's fiction."

[THE Ka]

Once again, An Idiot's Guide to Parenting outside the Elvenhome failed for Elrond...

E: Well, at least you don't have six sisters and i'm silmaril crazy...

A: Yeah, and you think healing hobbits is Biography Channel worthy...

E: Young lady, if you don't (pauses to look in book) stop right now, I'll make you take an oath for an obviously doomed task!

~ Aesthete

[mormegil]

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g310/The_Mormegil/Dead_marshes_filming.jpg

Sam: Mr. Frodo, he calls himself The Ghost of Christmas Past.

or

Andy: See! Frodo's got it! This is the way you use a 'natural' toilet.

Frodo: Ummmm...Guys!?!?

or

Bringing a gardner along on adventures could be a bit tiresome...

Sam: Ohhh look at this plant, and that one, oh I especially love this one!

[narfforc]

Sam; It's alright Mr Frodo I got him. Ok you sneaking thief, what have you done with the real Gollum, and what's more where have you hidden Mr Frodo's legs?

or

C'mon you, we got enough with that damn Wizard always uncloaking, we aint gonna stand for it from a stand in.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Quicksand is always dangerous...

Andy: Look; if he struggles it will just make it worse!

Sean: No! You need to slowly squirm out!

Elijah: Erm... I'm still sinking!

OR

Sam: Look, sir, that spandex is so 30 years ago!

[Glirdan]

Andy: See Sean! Told you I'd find him!

[Mithalwen]

Frodo and Sam may have had elven cloaks but Gollum had DAMART ....

[Gurthang]

Sam: "Hey, Frodo, this guys says he's from a drifter indention."

Guy: "No, I said 'a different dimension!'"

Sam: "Whatever. Anyway, he says he lives in union crates!"

Guy: "No! I'm from the United States!" :mad:

Sam: "Right, if you say so. :rolleyes: Well, he said he'll go for our order."

Frodo: "Oh, you're gonna pick up our pizza?"

Guy: :mad: "ACK! No, I said I 'know about Mordor!' Ah, screw it; I'm outta here." *Guy jumps through trans-dimensional rift.

Frodo: "I hope he hurries; I'm starving."

[The Elf-warrior]

Andy Serkis teaches Frodo and Sam about wild edible plants.

[Meela]

The White Rabbit lures yet more unsuspecting passers-by into Wonderland...

Gollum-Rabbit: What d'you mean, you can't fit down the hole? Sheesh, I never had this much trouble with Alice...

[Parmastahir]

Frodo: "Look, Sam. He hasn't a clue about how to get through these marshes. As I told you when we took up with him, pull off the wig. Even you will be able to see it's Mr. Clean!"

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Mr. Serkis: Hello! Can you direct me to the next inter-dimensional rift?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Andy wakes up (still in his pyjamas) and realises that the Hobbits have literally eaten him out of house and home! :eek:

OR

Sam: What have I told you about trying to steal Mr Frodo's money? I've told you a million times he's broke.

Frodo: Hay! I resent that!

[Kath]

Frodo: Sam! Get away from that anakronism!

[Mithalwen]

Gollum to Sam : "I may be falling-over-drunk but Frodo's legless......"

Sam: "Don't be stupid Gollum we left Mr Legolas at Parth Galen.."

[Formendacil]

Mr. Serkis: Hello! Can you direct me to the next inter-dimensional rift?

SAM: Can't you see that Mr. Frodo's stuck in it halfway?

[Maeggaladiel]

Sam: In all my years, I never would have guessed that YOU were the White Power Ranger, Mister Serkis.

Andy: We defeats the powerss of darknesss, precious!!

[Holbytlass]

Rated PG-18

Andy: HEY! You'd have "significant shrinkage" too if you were uncloaked!

[The Only Real Estel]

Andy: "Sorry guys, but I lost my earring & I'm not filming anymore until I find it."

[Gurthang]

Sam: "Very good, Smeagol, you transfered that little tree perfectly. You really do have a Green Thumb."

Meanwhile, Frodo looks on and laments that he has no gardening talent.

[The Only Real Estel]

Serkis/Gollum/Smeagol/Whoever: "What do you mean I need a tan? Can't you see my beautifully bronzed face???"

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Mr. Serkis: So, where do we plant the petunias?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Sam: I think he's trying to tell us something! What is it? Tracks? Leading to what?

ZOOOOOM!

OR

Frodo didn't understand the concept of height restrictions. :eek:

[malkatoj]

In their breif journey through other fantasy books, Frodo and Sam were unlucky enough to run across the fire swamp, snow* sand and all. There was only one minor problem--the man in black could get Frodo out, but who was this man in white?

*Lightning sand in the movie, if you haven't read the book.

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Frodo and Sam was very suprised to find a member of Culture Club on their way to Mordor.

or

Frodo: Do you want to see my beautiful belly button ?

[Gurthang]

Coach Sam: "Excellant, Andy, that was a perfect form tackle."
Frodo: "I think he broke my hip."

OR

Frodo looks up and finds his Shoulder Angel and Shoulder Devil laughing at him.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Frodo: I'm tired of this picture...

http://img-nex.theonering.net/images/scrapbook/9213.JPG

Sam: Really, I can't see what the problem is!

Frodo: I'm about to fall down a cliff!

Sam: I don't get it.

Frodo: Aaaaghh!

OR

Sam: I'm taller than you!

Or yet!

Sam: Are you sure this is Mordor? Only, I didn't expect there to be so much blue sky... or sunbathing...

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Sam: I told you that you have to miss the ground if you want to fly. MISS !

[The Only Real Estel]

Frodo/Andy/Sam pic

Sam: "So Gollum was just a mask? And Smeagol was also? What is this - Mission Impossible 2!?"

[Formendacil]

In his tempting by the Ring, Sam's dream of Samwise the Strong unexpectedly had Samwise the Strong chaining Frodo to the heights of Thangorodrim.

[Lalwendë]

Frodo and Sam tried to blend in by hanging around with the local cyber goths on the steps of Barad Dur, but sadly their hair wasn't pink enough and the game was soon up.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Sam: Well, this is a predicament and a half.

Frodo: Just help me up, Sam!

Sam: I could do that, if I only had a bit of rope.

Frodo: You do have some rope.

Sam: ... ... YOU CAN TALK? :eek:

OR

After four hours Sam still hadn't got the hang of Rock-scissors-paper, and Frodo was getting rather tired of teaching him.

[Beanamir of Gondor]

Frodo: Rooooosebud.... *dies*
Sam: Where'd you get a snowglobe, Mr. Frodo?

[Lalwendë]

Sam sings:

"Breaking rocks in the hot sun,
I fought the Orcs and the...Orcs won."

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The Mordor landscape was quite odd, and the fact that their Orc armour seemed to blend in when they lay down, made it all the harder for Sam to help Frodo.

Frodo: Grab my hand! ... ... No, that’s a rock... Try again... Another rock... That’s... That’s a squirrel.

OR

Frodo: I fell sick! Hand me your helmet would you?

[Lalwendë]

As Sean and Elijah wilted in 80 degree temperatures, they reflected that The Rough Guide to Britain could be a little over zealous in advising young American backpackers to make sure to pack lots of suitable clothing for "the normally wet and windy weather" in the UK.

[Kath]

Sam: Mr Frodo, what are you doing down there?

Frodo: Just watching the clouds go by. How sweet to be a cloud, floating in the blue, it would make me very proud to be a little cloud.

Sam: :confused:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Frodo: Quick, Sam, behind here!

Sam: What is it, Mr Frodo?

Frodo: It's Gandalf, and he doesn’t look too happy... or cloaked.*


*Sorry, had to add that last bit :D

[The Sixth Wizard]

Frodo: Alright, Sam. First you coming was tiresome, then your cooking pots and pans were tiresome, but your gardening friend from the Shire is just ridiculous!

Will add more...

[Gurthang]

This week's Stolen Caption comes from the video game: God of War.


Frodo: "Help me, please, help me!"
*Sam reaches down, trying to grab Frodo's wrist. He instead grabs the chain that is around Frodo's neck, the chain that holds the Ring. He begins to pull him up.*
Frodo: "Oh, thank the Valar that you came back for me!"
Sam: "I didn't come back for you."
*Sam breaks the chain and watches heartlessly as Frodo plummets to his death. He then looks at the Ring in his hand and calmly walks away.*

[Holbytlass]

Frodo: Ow-ow-wow, Sam, I've got a splinter.
Sam: Hold still Mr. Frodo, this'll only hurt a sec.



*look at Sam's hand

[mormegil]

Frodo: Oh Sam I simply cannot go any further.

Sam: Yes you can Mr. Frodo, I know you can do it.

Frodo: My feet are aching, my back is sore, and this small ring is so heavy, I think if I am forced to go another step further I will die! You may as well just kill me now!

Sam: If you command sir.

[The Elf-warrior]

Sam: "Quit moaning for water! Every Orc in Mordor is going to hear this racket!"

Frodo: "You're yelling."

[THE Ka]

Sam and Frodo were in a tight mess... Not only had their car been destroyed by the angry mob of orc Industro-ravers, but between them they only had one pair of head gear with pink shaded goggles and matching bar code left ... Their VNV Nation concert was ultimately doomed.

~ Aesthete

[Alcarillo]

Morm's post gave me an idea.
Frodo: My feet are aching, my back is sore, and this small ring is so heavy, I think if I am forced to go another step further I will die! You may as well just kill me now!
Sam, thinking: *Why does he have to exaggerate everything fifty-thousand times worse than it really is?!*

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The mechanics work on Mount Zoom...

Frodo: Spanner... Hammer... Bolts...

Sam: Why are we doing this?

OR

Sam: Mr Frodo, your hand is filthy.

Frodo: It's an Orc glove. -_-

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

"Oh Frodo! Why must you ask questions?"

Moving on:

Gamgee flattened Baggins in the 88th minute, and the award of the penalty was just.

[Anguirel]

FRODO: And they shall bear me to Avilion
Where I shall heal me of my grievous wound...

SAM: Nooo, Mr Frodo, not Tennyson again!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

In the ruins of Bag end, Sam realises now why Frodo told him not to leave the iron on.

OR

Sam: No, I'm not giving you the beak helm back until you admit it looks silly.

Frodo: NEVER!

[mormegil]

Sam: Hey look a new picture

Frodo: Sam I'm simply too tired to look.

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g310/The_Mormegil/Liv_Peter_Hugo_bts.jpg

Elrond: Dear you know I don't like that Ranger so allow me to introduce you to the husband I chose for you.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Aragorn returns with news of a new McDonalds restaurant that opened in Rohan.

OR

Arwen: I thought I told you to get rid of him!

Elrond: I did! He just keeps coming back!

[Farael]

Gimli really let loose on Lembas after the War of the Ring...

[Glirdan]

An intense starring contest!

or

Gimli: Did anybody order a large silmaril pizza?

[Lalwendë]

Pete: "Did you order a taxi love?"

Elrond: "I told you to wait outside for it. He's been sitting there blowing his car horn for the last 10 minutes. I've got a headache now."

Pete: "Don't get funny pal, I'm only trying to earn a living."

[Gurthang]

Peter: "Aha! I knew you'd been cheating on me, and now I've caught you in the act!"
Arwen: "Peter, this is my father."
Peter(embarassed): "You're... *gulp* her father?"
Elrond: "...yeah."
Peter: "Oy... this is awkward."

OR

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a timewarp opens and a futuristic director walks through.
Arwen and Elrond look at each other as if to say "Who invited him?"
The director looks around for the nearest chair to lounge in.

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Neither Arwen nor Elrond new what to say, when the little fat guy claimed to be Manwë.

[Formendacil]

Elrond: "Dear, who is this man in your room? What will Aragorn think?"

Arwen: "I haven't a clue... I thought he was with you!"

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Pete to Elrond: You are right! When she sits like that, she does look like Grima.

[Gil-Galad]

Pj: okay, is this really about Arwen wanting to be with whom she loves and Elrond wanting her to leave M-E or are we all just a little hungry? *nods head to Snickers Stand in Background*

[THE Ka]

Elrond (to arwen): "In just seven days, I can make you a man. Dig it if you can!"

~ Aesthete

[The Only Real Estel]

PJ: "You'll never guess my name!"

Arwen: "Rumplestiltskin."

PJ: "Dang - you're good!"

[Gurthang]

PJ: "You mean this isn't the Convention of Short People?"

OR

PJ: "Alright, who taped this 'Kick Me' sign to my back?!"

[The Elf-warrior]

Elrond: "How many times have I told you not to bring Dwarves here without my permission?"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

P-J: Do you want a fight?

Arwen: Erm...

OR

Arwen: Pass me that message, dwarf!

Dwarf: Can't reach.

Arwen: then walk over here.

Dwarf: Its too far.

[Anguirel]

PJ: And after relieving Helm's Deep and killing Denethor, Arwen, like, weakens, because of the Power of the Ring...

ARWEN: Father, you must aid this Hobbit, for he has been pierced by a Movie-Mogul-blade and is in grave need of healing.

ELROND: Indeed.

[Holbytlass]

PJ: That's not what you were saying during contracts when you were going to get first billing and bonuses for doing your own stunts!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Elrond: Have you been smoking?

Arwen: Of course not! I don't have an addictive personality!

Man: Who ordered the five crates of cigars?

Arwen: ... Erm... Glorfindel?

OR

Elrond introduces Arwen to their new neighbour.

[mormegil]

PJ: CUT CUT CUT!!!

Liv: What? We were saying the lines correctly.

PJ: I don't care, production won't go any further.

Hugo: Why?

PJ: Somebody stole my cazoo and we won't do anything until I get it back!

[Mithalwen]

PJ ... "Ok Hugo, you were right .... paying homage to The Sound of Music by making costumes out of curtains isn't going to work ... so Liv this means youare going to have to run around the Misty Mountains followed by my children reproduced by CGI so there are a dozen of em and sing ..uh

Elves in white dresses with sparkling mantles
Sweet little hobbits with hair to their ankles
balrogs that fly with fire on their wings
these are a few of my favourite things..."

Liv: "Call my agent "

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Year 100 of the 4th Age: Fellowship of the Ring reunion. The turn out wasn't as well attended as Elrond had expected.

OR

Aragorn: What can I say, Gondor has the best cakes!

[Parmastahir]

PJ: "OK. I've run through $300 million faster than Orcrist can cleave a goblin. In order to save a little money, I will both direct and play the role of Gimli . . . I look like him anyway, and I'm short enough that we won't need any odd camera angles. Is this where I ask for a hair? No? LINE PLEASE!"

[The Only Real Estel]

Although PJ was usually pleased with Weta's work he wasn't too tickled with the supposedly life-like plaster Arwen that turned up with no arms...

[narfforc]

Hugo: Who's this guy?

Liv: I don't know, I thought he was with you

Hugo: Well what are you here for?

Man: I was told to come here by my agent to try for the part of Bombadil.

Hugo and Liv: Who the hell is he?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Arwen: Can I help you?

Man: I have a new picture for you!

http://img-nex.theonering.net/images/scrapbook/11255.jpg

Wraith: Don't you think we're a bit conspicuous?

Sauron: No! Not at all. Be quiet! *Slaps*

OR

The interior design of Barad Dur surprised everyone when they first entered.

Sauron: Well... it’s... certainly... unexpected. The carpets were an interesting idea... BURN IT ALL!

[Lalwendë]

Sauron: "Are you gonna put your cloak in the cloakroom tonight or am I going to be stood there like a lemon, holding it all night while you dance around headless and legless as usual?"

[narfforc]

The Lord of Minas Moretall:C'mon Shorty follow me

Smallone of Barred-door: Whatchit big-head or I will send the Girls round.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Sauron: Okay, who stole the Ring wraith's Game Boy?

Wraith: :(

OR

Sauron: You distract them while I make a dash for the exit!

[mormegil]

Before deciding to go to war over a silly ring, Sauron decides to ask the local lost and found if they've seen his ring.

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

It was a great luck when the two odd looking actors by mistake went in the wrong door and ended up at the LOTR casting instead of the one for Teletubbies, as they intended.

[Meela]

After losing the war and getting kicked out of Mordor, Sauron and his Wraiths were forced to seek new employment:

Wraith: Uh, hi... is this the right place to apply for the job of children's entertainer?
Sauron: These outfits are okay, right? Only we didn't have anything special...

[Lalwendë]

Sauron and his favourite henchwraith stomp off in disgust as they discover that for 'health and safety reasons', their local Working Men's Club has ruled not to admit people with hoodies and motorcycle helmets.

[Kath]

Sauron: Out of my way! I go first!

OR

Sauron: Ok, you put your right foot in . . .

[The Only Real Estel]

Announcer: "Ah, and here's the Witch-King escorting the lovely Mrs. Ringwraith!"

[Holbytlass]

Live! In Concert: gwar!!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Inspired by...

Live! In Concert: gwar!!

The Eurovision winners 'Lordi' had odd roadies.

[Kitanna]

Wraith: Geez, that movie was over nine hours long and they still left out Tom Bombadil.

or

Everyone was shocked to see the Wraith and Sauron coming out of Love Story.

[Lalwendë]

Sauron and his favourite minion after auditioning for Pop Idol. Simon Cowell called their rendition of Can't Take My Eye Off You "ghoulishly charming" but rejected them as the Ringwraith didn't show enough leg for his 'taste'.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Sauron and his last remaining minion make their way though the Job centre to the unemployment office.

Sauron: Blaster Halfling!

OR

Sauron: Go on! Just tell him you don't want the job!

Wraith: I can't! You do it!

[The Elf-warrior]

A Ringwraith helps Sauron search for his Mouth after it mouthed him off.

[Gurthang]

Sauron, already a little ashamed to be going to church, is completely surprised (and embarrassed) to find one of his Ringwraiths ushering.

[The Only Real Estel]

Ringwraith: "Yes, we're from the UN, here for the meeting. Do we have any coffee and doughnuts to go with our non-binding agreements today?"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf: Erm.. Bilbo, there are two people here to see you about a ring.

OR

The lowest point in the Dark Lord's career.

Sauron: Have you been injured in an accident that wasn't your fault? Wraith # 5 was. He got 50 gold coins in compensation thanks to Mordor insurance ltd!

[The Only Real Estel]

Witch-King: "I am the design expert who informs you that the atrocious color in your carpet is repulsive."

Ringwraith: "I am the colorblind homeowner who can't see the atrocious color in my carpet & therefore remain blissfully ignorant."

[Hookbill the Goomba]

A down on his luck Sauron starts to sell all he owns.

Sauron: Wraith for sale! Only £4.50

[Brinniel]

Sauron: Wait a minute, this isn't Minas Tirith.
Wraith: I told you we should've stopped and asked for directions!
Sauron: What are you talking about? I am THE LORD SAURON! I do not need directions!
Wraith: Well then, Almighty Lord Sauron. Can you tell us where we are?
Sauron: Uhhhh.......Rohan. Yep, it's definitely Rohan. No one else would have such lousy carpet.
Wraith: Yeah....Rohan.....right..... *snorts*
Sauron: *gives the Wraith a big smack in the head*

[Oddwen]

Obi-Wan: If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can imagine.
Darth Vader: Look behind you.
Obi-Wan: Oh, crap!

Or...

Ringwraith(out of the side of his mouth): It'll be a nice day...
Sauron(likewise): ...If it doesn't rain.
Ringwraith(loudly): Oh, so you're a Delta Knight too, huh?

[Gil-Galad]

Sauron: i still think this armour is a bit too much... and it makes me look fat

Ringwraith: stop your whining, you must look your best if you are going to present your 'One Ring' Theory to the world!

Sauron: yeah i hope they take it better then my 'Capture your king and kill him by werewolves' theory

[mormegil]

Sauron: I thought you said this was a 5 star hotel?

Wraith: The web site indicated it was and I got it for a good deal. It was the best the Shire had to offer on such short notice.

Sauron: 5 Star my eye. We'd have been better off at Bree and made the daily commute. I need luxury con sarnet!!!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Sauron: I knew it was a bad idea let 'Changing Rooms' do up Barad dur.

OR

As Mordor falls apart, Sauron needs a scapegoat...

Sauron: Wraith! That was your fault! You're very bad!

Wraith: ... :(