Crazy Captions

[Valesse]

When approached by the Pert people:

Wraith: Well.. I don't know if my shampoo is doing all that it could for me, honestly. But I know its superior compared to that Ranger bloke's we've been watching in the palantir.

*Sauron shudders*

[Holbytlass]

Oh, it's casual Friday.

[The Only Real Estel]

How to become a more beautiful person

1. Change your hairstyle.
2. Wear lots of makeup.
3. Wear a helmet or hood over your face. :p

[Formendacil]

Emperor Palpatine and Darth Vader- Peter Jackson's remake.

Quoting Jackson: "I thought I'd save money on my remake Star Wars blockbuster to finance my extended director's six-hour edition of King Kong."

[THE Ka]

Unknown to many arda residents who watched The Middle Earth Poker Tour, Sauron had a bad habit of throwing in random wraiths in a hope to pay off Mt. Doom's Morgage...

Wraith #7: Why do I have to do this again...?

Sauron: Oh don't give me that again, I see you guys playing poker at the black gate all day! Now smile for the camera so you look like you are somewhat intimidating...

~ Aesthete

[Brinniel]

Sauron: What is this?
Wraith: A new picture, My Lord.
Sauron: What?! They dare replace us?! Destroy it!

http://www.warofthering.net/quintessential/movieshots_ttt/faramir_frodo_possessed2.jpg

Frodo: What did you do that for? Were you actually trying to aim for me?
Faramir: I'm sorry, I thought you were an oliphaunt. Apparently, my eyesight is not as good as it used to be....

[mormegil]

Faramir: A splinter Frodo?!?! We must get you to a medic.

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Frodo: Could you please help me good sir? I have broken all the bones in one hand and have rheumatism in the other.

Faramir: Sure! Take this long bow. . .

or

When ever Frodo would try to steal a pice of candy, Faramir would give him a flick with his bow.

[Valesse]

Frodo introduced his pet tadpole, Uncle McAllistair, to Faramir. However, it was indeed a tense moment.

[Gurthang]

Faramir: "Wow, that's a very... very shiny penny Frodo. May I see it?"
Frodo: "No! Get your own shiny penny!"

OR

Frodo: "And this is sign language for "You're standing on my toe!"
Faramir: "Wow, that's amazing!"

[The Only Real Estel]

And now The Question was begged of Faramir...

Frodo: "What would you do for this Klondike bar?"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Faramir: It's called a mouse trap for a reason. If you wanted some cheese, you should have asked.

OR

Guy in background: He never gives me pocket money.

[Kath]

Faramir: Oh I'm so sorry Frodo! With all these script changes I thought it was now that you got your finger cut off.

[Anguirel]

FRODO: Please, Mr Faramir...could I have some more?

FARAMIR: More???

RANGERS: Morrre?????

ALL: Ba-aggins, Ba-aggins, never before has a boy wanted more...

[narfforc]

Faramir: So you wish to become a Ranger Frodo, the tests are quite strict, first you must run a mile holding water in your hands without spilling any, then just like me you have to be as tall as my bow.

Frodo: Will the the water be flavoured?

[The Elf-warrior]

Faramir: "Drop that toad. You'll get warts."

Frodo: "You can't get warts from a toad. He's my friend."

[The Only Real Estel]

Frodo was unnerved by the white chest hair sprouting from the crease in Faramir's armour.

[THE Ka]

Frodo was trying to weigh what was worse- The fast growing gangrene in his hand, or his limited knowledge of the avarian flu and that it seemed Faramir was indeed turning into a chicken...

Faramir: Frodo! You really needed to tell me earlier that you had gangrene! Here, let me see it, we're going to have to cut off your hand before it spreads...

Frodo: No way chicken man! I know what you're going to do, and I don't want to be turned into a farmyard bird!

Faramir: ?...


~Aesthete

[Glirdan]

Frodo: Come Sam! Let's get back to the Shire before gang...wait a minute... Where's Sam!?

or

Frodo: Well, there's good news and bad news.

Faramir: What's the good news?

Frodo: I named my nickel Phillip.

Faramir: What's the bad news?

Frodo: It's a GIRL nickel!! :D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Faramir: Give me back the keys to the secret hide out and I'll give you a chocolate bar!

Frodo: Hmmm... NO!

OR

Faramir: Stop being so childish. You have to hold my hand while crossing the road.

[The Only Real Estel]

Faramir: "Come on Frodo, you must show me! I have to know if I made the right decision or not!"

Frodo: "Sorry buddy, you know the rules. If you fold we don't show our hands..."

[Maeggaladiel]

Faramir: Oh no, here's another one. Just ignore him, men.

Frodo: Please sir, can you spare some change for a poor young hobbit down on his luck??



OR


Faramir never knew that hobbits had interchangeable pieces until Frodo screwed on his replacement hand.



OR

Faramir: You shrunk Samwise?!?

Frodo: He's much easier to carry now!

[Estelyn Telcontar]

(building on that last one...)

Frodo: What have I got in my hand? Oh, nothing - just a speck of dust. I know, it looks almost golden in the sunlight, doesn't it?!

(thinks: It may be easier to carry this way, but how do I keep from losing it?!)

[Parmastahir]

Faramir: "What have you got in your hands?? That's not a proper riddle! I understand your queer companion a bit better now. And don't give me that look! He told me all about your Uncle Bilbo while you slept last night."

Frodo: "OK then, what I have got in my pocket?"

Faramir: "That's more like it! Can I have three guesses?"

Frodo: ("Sheesh. These men of Gondor aren't too bright.")

Faramir: "What was that?"

Frodo: "Sure. But hurry up. I haven't all night."

Faramir: "Handses!"

Frodo: "HANDSES?!? Are you a complete idiot, blind, or both?"

Faramir: "A knife!"

Frodo: "No, I'm just happy to see you."

Faramir: "String, or nothing!"

Frodo: "No and no. OK, show me the way to Minas Morgul."

[The Only Real Estel]

Frodo: "What's this??? I give you "my two cents" and you respond by giving me "a penny for my thoughts" - I'm getting cheated here!"

[THE Ka]

Three thinkers tell us why the Oliphant crossed the Anduin...

Faramir(Plato): For the greater good!

Frodo(Emily Dickinson): Because it could not stop for death...

Passing Ranger(Mark Twain): The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated...

~Aesthete

[The Elf-warrior]

http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d78/ShelobsBane/nazgul.jpg

Nazgul: "Curses! We hates the Yellow Face!"

[Meela]

"Fly, my pretties! Fly, fly!"

[Glirdan]

The first ever Nazgul race in Middle-Earth

Commentator: And the Witch-King is out in front! What's this!? The Witch-Queen!? Where in Morgoth's name did she come from!? Would you look at that! She's speeding along ahead of the pack and sh-ooo!! That looked like it hurt!

[Gil-Galad]

Sauron: you must fly this winged beast now

Nazgul: surely you can't be serious

Sauron: of course i'm serious and don't call me Shirley

[THE Ka]

Unknown to many, Sauron actually was the original composer of 'The Ride of The Valkaries', until he lost a court battle with Wagner for using his word of the month. They later settled on trading the 'Valkaries' with 'Nazgul'. Sauron would never recover musically...


~Aesthete

[Maeggaladiel]

Nasgul: G-guys, I think that tower is watching us again!


OR


Nasgul: Aaaaand it looks like we've got some heavy traffic on Interstate Six today, so if you're trying to get in or out of Osgilliath, it might take you a while. And now, back to Bob with the weather.

Nasgul 2: Thanks, Fred. Well, it looks a bit cloudy today, chance of showers later in the afternoon. No dawn tomorrow, at least not for mankind, so make sure you turn on your headlights... Thanks for listening to K-NAZ Radio.

[Formendacil]

Jurassic Park IV:
The Lost World is Really Mordor

In theatres everywhere, see newspaper for details.

[narfforc]

Everyone thought that Sauron was mad, but this proved he had Bats in the Belfry.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Nazgul Airlines commercial: Fly, you fools!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Nazgul#3: He's spotted us! Run away!

Sauron: Get back here with my dresses... I mean... Things that are for my wife!

OR

Witch King: Darn it! Why do I get the Fell beast that’s a dribbling idiot?

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

For some reason this early sketch of the design for Big Ben was rejected.

[Lalwendë]

Dumbledore was not pleased with the new providers of the Owl Post after the service had been contracted out.

[mormegil]

Quidditch Middle-earth style.

or

W-k: *thinking* I liked it better before master knew his ring still existed. We could spend all day circling and climbing....circling and climbing...*sigh*...Man I miss that now it's go find the ring this or go find the ring that. This job use to have perks now he's simply a slave driver. I'm forced to work long hours and he's taken away all my vacation time. I wish I had some other skills; I feel so...trapped.

or another thing we've all done

Wraith: Oh crap guys, the boss is looking again, look busy!

[The Only Real Estel]

Nazgul Airlines: The moonlight shows us for what we really are...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

W-K: That tower has to be around here somewhere.

OR

Sauron: Be back by 11! I won't heat up your tea again if you're late!

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Witch-King: We've been flying around in circles long enough - I hate MapQuest! If we don't find our way to the Shire soon we'll have to do something desperate - like stopping and asking for directions!

[Lalwendë]

Secrets of Middle-earth Revealed No.1.

Pigeon racing was a keenly contested pastime amongst the Ainur and Sauron believed that his new coop at Barad-Dur would beat Manwe and his Eagles hands down.

[Gil-Galad]

Sauron: after that new picture!


http://www.slateman.net/images/misc/nazgul.jpg

Sauron: now i want you to grab the hobbit and bring him back to me alive!

Nazgul: surely you don't mean it!

Sauron: of course i mean it and stop calling me Shirley!

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Fell Beast: Did you Ring, little master?

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Nazgul: Sure you can feed it, it won't bite.

[Farael]

Nazghul: "I told you my daddy was bigger than yours!"

[Gurthang]

Frodo has almost completed his masterpiece. This painting is so lifelike, it almost scares it's maker.

[Glirdan]

Unknown to both Hobbit and Nazgul, they were about to be transported into a whole new dimension. The dimension of... ANIMATION!!

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Frodo was quite shocked when he saw what had followed him home and had no desire to keep it.

[Lalwendë]

Frodo reflects: "Feeding the pigeons in Trafalgar Square is a picnic compared to feeding the ones in Gondor."

[davem]

Frodo has second thoughts about ordering from the Osgiliath branch of KFC.

Delivery guy: Ok, I've plucked it & stuffed it - all you have to do is kill it & stick it in the oven...'

[The Only Real Estel]

Many Flying Nazgul Pic
----------------------------

The lesser-known eleventh plague of Egypt.

[Parmastahir]

Frodo: "What has the head of an eel, the wings of a bat, and the legs of Tyrannosaurus rex?"

Nazgul: "I give up. What?

Frodo: "Don't know. But you're sitting on it!"

Nazgul: "YIKES!"

[Glirdan]

Nazgul: I found you!!

or

Nazgul: So THAT'S what happened to my life sized cut out of Frodo!!

[Valesse]

Though it was quite touching, the twenty minute long musical love scene between Frodo and the Fell Beast suffered from both the beast's inablity to form words, and Frodo's inablity to do anything but squawk and bulge his eyes a little more.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Fell Beast: I caught a Fish that was THIS Big!

OR

Nazgûl: I will rain down mighty Doom and terror upon this land and all shall fall into- Are you listening to me?

Frodo: *Eats popcorn*

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Nobody gets away with stealing a Nazgul's scarf !

or

Nazgul: Look! I have tought it to walk on it's toes. . .

[narfforc]

Nazgul: What the hell are you doing here, haven't you read the book?

[HerenIstarion]

Before taking the trip to the Continent, Frodo was told that Piazza San Marko in Venice would be full of pigeons, and it was a tradition to feed them, but he never expected to see one this big at all

[Bêthberry]

How hobbit kids view mum on a bad day.

[Meela]

Once again, Frodo had forgotten his contact lenses...

"Here, kitty kitty!"

[Kitanna]

In tribute to Calvin and Hobbes
Whenever Frodo opened a can of tuna it always brought around the most unwelcome guests.

[Gurthang]

Frodo: "Pew! And I thought dogs had bad breath!"

OR

Frodo: "Please move aside! I want a photo of those beautiful clouds."

[Oddwen]

Sam Vimes starts to sweat as the dragon soars closer.

[The Only Real Estel]

The Fellowship soon got the hang of the "Cardboard Standee Trick" - standing up cardboard cutouts of Frodo throught Middle Earth to trick the Nazgul.

[The Sixth Wizard]

For the previous pic once again...

Nazgul: The clouds are low today, and you know what that means?
Sauron: What?
Nazgul: It's got a nose redder than the Eye of our mighty Lord, providing more guidance in foggy times than a bucketful of Gandalfs, and faster on the wind than even Thorondor of the Eagles, its...
(all start singing)
Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer, who had a very shin-ey nooose! And if you ever saw it... you would even say it glows!!!!!

And for this pic...

Nazgul: I mean, who needs black powers controlling a ring of great power, all we need to put Frodo out of business is a giant bat doing a striptease...
Fell Beast: (slowly opening wings) Duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh...
Frodo: AAARRGGHH!!!! NOOOOO! MY EYES ARE BURNING!!

[Farael]

Who would have guessed that taking down the fell beasts would have been so easy... leave them alone with a hungry hobbit for two minutes and voila! Two big bite-marks on their wings. Quite a delicacy, but really hard to find, the halflings say.

[Lalwendë]

Bill Oddie hadn't realised birdspotting could be so perilous in Middle-earth.

[The Only Real Estel]

The Frodo vs. Fell Beast Belching Contest was just a little one-sided.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Fell beast: Boo!

[The Only Real Estel]

Auditions for the role of Frodo weren't easy, as the apperance of a real live Fell Beast was just one of the many surprises that PJ tried on the actors to keep them off-balance.

Now you know why Elijah Wood's eyes are so big. :p

[mormegil]

Frodo: Oh I cannot bear to see anybody in so much pain. It must be killing you to have those holes in your wings. Sam, come quick and fix Mr. Fell beast's wings.

or

Sauron's new weapons...the fell beast....uncloaked :rolleyes:

[The Elf-warrior]

Frodo: "If you want it, come and claim it!"

[Gurthang]

Fell Beast: "Come 'ere and give me a Great Big Hug!"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Fell Beast: This is a NEW picture of doom!

http://img-nex.theonering.net/images/scrapbook/1419.jpg

Wormtong: I feel I could eat a horse.

Saruman: Looks like you already did!

[Glirdan]

PJ: Christopher, do you have to take this so seriously? If you keep going about like this, you'll kill Ian.

Chris: That's the point.

PJ: :eek:

[mormegil]

PJ: Wow! She's a looker isn't she?

Saruman: I've lived for many many years and I've never beheld such a beauty in all my days, not in any of the races.

PJ: I just can't understand why everybody bad mouths Lobelia when she is so radiantly beautiful!

[Kath]

PJ: So Saruman, we look left, then right, and then we cross the road - got it?

[Kitanna]

Christopher and PJ were unimpressed by the Fellowship actors Palantir soccer game.
PJ: Billy, that is not toy!

or

The Uruk-hai conga line took Saruman and PJ's breath away.

[Gurthang]

PJ and Saruman try their hand at the Cingular "More bars in more places" commercials but come up a few bars short.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Neither Peter Jackson, the experienced film maker, nor Christopher Lee, the well renounced actor, could ever have expected to see Ian Macellan... crying over dropping his ice cream.

[Formendacil]

Here presented is a paparazzi shot from the Isengard Times of Saruman and his new international ally- the Dark Lord himself.

[The Only Real Estel]

PJ: "He's really all right, not too dangerous usually."

Tenant: "I don't care, sir. The contract you signed says 'no pets or wizards to be kept in the house' and that's what it means."

[The Elf-warrior]

PJ: "There's a good subject for you to test your fireball on."

[The Only Real Estel]

Saruman and Wormtongue look on crestfallen as their favorite team, Argentina, is knocked out of the World Cup.

-or-

Saruman and Wormtongue look on crestfallen as their favorite team, England, is knocked out of the World Cup.

-or-

Saruman and Wormtongue look on crestfallen as their favorite team, Brazil, is knocked out of the World Cup.

[Gandalf_the _white]

Although the sight was horrible neither PJ nor Saruman could look away from... :D Gandalf uncloaked :rolleyes:

[Farael]

PJ: Alright Chr... I mean, Mr. Lee, let's do this one more time... it's step, step, look to the right, turn, stop, moonwalk, look to the left, ok? it's not so hard...

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Saruman: I say, is he supposed to do that?

PJ: I dunno, but he's good.

[The Only Real Estel]

"I'm sorry sir, but we're going to have to go with Christopher Lee on this one. He just looks more...Saruman-like I'd have to say."

PJ: "Well I do have the beard though."

[THE Ka]

Gandalf causes some smoldering problems on set...

PJ: He's doing it again, isn't he?

Saruman: ...Yes

PJ: If only we could have kept him away from that hobbit weed, we only have a limited amount for the limited amount of scenes the hobbits actually smoke!

Saruman: At least he's not in his uncloaking hype again...

PJ: True... True...


~ Aesthete

[Boromir88]

Gandalf: Turn your head to the left.

(PJ and Saruman do so)

Gandalf: Oh, Simon didn't say!

OR...if anyone here is a Celebrity Death Match Fan.

Jackson: I want a good clean fight. Now, Let's get it on!

[narfforc]

Saruman punts his new friend around the flooded and water damaged Isengard, complaining bitterly about the clean up bill, and who is going to pay, and furthermore how he never got his feet wet when he was Count DracDooku

[The Only Real Estel]

PJ: "All right, if I hear one more person teasing Christopher about "not being able to get up the stairs in his dress" people are going to get fired."

Lee: *pouts*

[The Elf-warrior]

http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d78/ShelobsBane/h-1-2155-goblin.jpg

Troll: "Where there's a pot, there's a way."

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gandalf was never helpful in the morning.

OR

Before they were famous: The Balrog of Moria.

[Naria]

The Orc picked Frodo up to get a closer look at his tattered boots, but was greatly surprised to see that they were not in fact boots, but the hobbit's very, very hairy feet!! :eek: :D

[narfforc]

Troll: Ere what are you?

Bilbo: I'm supposed to be a hobbit, however by the look of you the artist does'nt seem to have read the books

[The Only Real Estel]

Doctor: "Here's the newborn sir!"

William: "What? He doesn't look at all like me! ETHEL!!! Is there something you need to tell me!?"

[dancing spawn of ungoliant]

A sharp temper wasn't the only feature that made hobbits stay out of Aunt Lobelia's way...

[Formendacil]

TROLL: "And since when do Hobbits wear socks? And tattered socks, at that?"

BILBO: "Um... since about the same time that Trolls started looking like hornéd toads?"

[Holbytlass]

A Middle-Earth "pick me up".

[mormegil]

It was particularly dangerous to travel through the Misty Mountains as there were the wandering bands of wedgie orcs.

Orc: AHA! Got you! WEDGIE!!!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

This be my...

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/1000.jpg

1000th Crazy Captions Post!
*****


Anyway...

Troll: Let's see... "Best before 145 II age"

OR

Troll: a package for a Mr. "Neckromancer-who-is-defiantly-not-the-Dark-Lord-Sauron-looking-for-his-lost-ring-of-power-with-which-he-could-take-over-the-world."

OR yet!

Troll: Hmmm... I'd say about 14 ounces. That'll be 59 pounds mate.

[Kitanna]

Bilbo's mother before she put her "face" on for the day.

[Mithalwen]

The troll midwife started to think she had smacked the wrong end...

[Oddwen]

Looks like someone took a smack at the midwife...

[The Only Real Estel]

An enraged German fan prepares to chuck a victorious Italian fan.*

-or-

An enraged Portugal fan prepares to chuck a victorious French fan.*


*No offense to either German or Portuguise fans, I'm sure you look nothing like that! :D

[mormegil]

In an alternate version of The Hobbit Tolkien toyed with the idea of creating Theagol older brother of Smeagol

Theagol: Alright enough riddles what do you have in your pockets?

[THE Ka]

Very early in his career, Sauron tried to cater to the parential needs of his orcs and other servants - Dark Tower Adoption Service, where hobbits were rare, but greatly desired for the holiday season...

Orc: Timothy! Oh Tim! Look, I've found a hobbit one! And it's feet are completely free of lice! Wow, what a bargain!...

~ Aesthete

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Troll: What about their heads? They don't need those!

OR

Troll: Who are you? Lobilia?

Bilbo: :mad:

[The Only Real Estel]

Troll: "So you're the wise guy that glued these turnips to my ears!!!" :eek:

[The Elf-warrior]

Williams: "This is Homio Sapiens Burrahobbitus."

Tom: "Come on! That ain't nothin' but a pint sized Homo Sapiens Sapiens."

Bert: "It's Homo Quendi Pygmyus you gourd-brain!"

Williams: "There ain't no such thing as Homo Quendi Pygmyus you lunkhead!"

Tom: "I'm hungry! Lets boil it!"

EDIT: Hooray! This is my 600th post.

[Holbytlass]

Bilbo instantly knew he had crossed the line with his "A Priest, A Rabbi and an Orc went into a bar..." joke.

[The Only Real Estel]

Britney Spears catches Bilbo in her makeup room...

Britney: "Now he must die, he knows what really lies underneath the several inches of plastic & makeup!"

[Lalwendë]

Bilbo's greatest peril on his adventures was getting assigned the posting of being John Prescott's new PA.

[The Only Real Estel]

The Troll/Orc didn't take very kindly to poor Bilbo's comments on his "Donald Trump-like hair"...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Troll: What's it got in it's pockets?

Bilbo: It's just a new picture!

http://img-nex.theonering.net/images/scrapbook/5142.jpg

Pippin: Lets just walk away, maybe they won't find the-

*From behind the orcs* BOOM!

OR

Pippin: I told you to be careful with that Christmas reef thing. I'm not going to get it off you next time!

[Glirdan]

Pippin and Merry stare in stunned scilence as, not Gandalf uncloaks, but the Uruks!! :eek:

[Kath]

Merry: It was him that made that continuity error not me, why do I have to be the one with all this rope!?

[Elennar Starfire]

Pippin: Merry? Is that a talking muffin?
Merry: I think it's a talking muffin, Pip.

[Gandalf_the _white]

Orcs in background: maybe nobody woud notice if we nibbled an arm off

[THE Ka]

... When cable arrived to Arda, no one could be distracted, not even orc prisoners.

Orc: It's so clear, and so many channels!
All Orcs: OoooOOOh!

Pippin: ... I thought once we turned the tele on, we'd bolt!

Merry: ... So did I. Can't... Stop... Watching...

~ Aesthete

[The Only Real Estel]

When you're caught with your fist punched through the nest in question it's a little hard to deny killing those pesky birds on your neighbor's property...

[mormegil]

After running all day the line to the portable bathroom was extremely long!

[Brinniel]

Merry: Perhaps playing Cops and Robbers with the Uruk-hai was a bad idea...

OR

Pippin: What's for dinner?

Uruk-hai: *licks their lips*

Pippin: Ohh....

[Lalwendë]

Merry: "This reminds me of that other scary thing that happened when I was a lad - when Lobelia asked me to hold a new hank of wool for her while she wound it into a ball."

[narfforc]

A new episode of Hobbits Holiday's From Hell

or

'How did we get roped into this one then Pippin?'

[Gandalf_the _white]

Merry: I told you eating the food the orcs gave us would be a bad idea

[Gurthang]

Spiderman suddenly appears in Middle Earth:
Merry: "But we're not the bad guys; why are you tying us up?"
Pippin: "I don't think he's listening."

[The Only Real Estel]

Merry began to wonder if the "charm bracelet" that Galadriel had given him was perhaps less of a gift & more of a tool to keep him from pilfering more from her lembas pantry.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The Hobbits had very little success selling insurance door to door in Mordor.

OR

Merry: Please, sir, I want some more!

Sauron: But I've already given you 50 Orcs!

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Punishment for parking offences in the U.K.

[Kitanna]

Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar?
Merry and Pippin stole the cookies from Saruman's cookie jar.

[Anguirel]

MERRY: It's all your fault Pippin! Why didn't you pull your weight? If we'd lynched Ugluk we could still have saved the village...but your refusal to contribute analysis...

PIPPIN: Aw, who cares, it's only a game anyway...

[THE Ka]

Claiming to be a part of pee-wee's playhouse, Pippin and Merry try to use the 'secret word'...

Merry: Ah... I have new jogging shoes, Pippin, I better run!

Pippin: That's sounds fun Merry, why don't we run for it together...

Orcs: Don't worry, we'll make sure you don't cut and run!

~Aesthete

[Maeggaladiel]

Merry and Pippin realize too late that they've wandered into the Killing Club Meet, not the Grilling Club Meet.

OR


Pippin: I don't think this is the All You Can Eat Buffet.
Merry: Told you we should have asked for directions.

[Farael]

Pippin: I don't think this is the All You Can Eat Buffet.
Merry: Told you we should have asked for directions.

Orks knew how to deal with hobbits that in spite of regulations, sneaked into a all-you-can-eat Buffet

[Holbytlass]

Merry and Pip choked on their gum when they heard the orcs chant...
All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by all ablebodied patrons in the bar. And don't think we don't know how to weed them out!!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The Hobbits were confused as to why their Christmas carol team wasn't attracting a crowd, and why most people were running away from them.

It was probably the fact that it was July.

OR

Pippin: Please sir, if you do not buy one of our Orcs, my brother here will go insane! *nudges Merry*

Merry: Oh...right... erm... Wooo!

[The Only Real Estel]

Pippin: "Merry, can't you get us a new picture?"

Merry: "Sorry Pip, but my hands are kind've tied on this one..." :p




yes, yes, I know you're waiting for it to get to the next page, Hookbill...

yes, yes, I know Gurthang - "Bad puns abound" - you don't have to tell me :p

[Oddwen]

Orc: Yarr! That'll teach you runts won't it?
Merry(meekly): Can I have some more rope?

[Hookbill the Goomba]

yes, yes, I know you're waiting for it to get to the next page, Hookbill...

:eek: It tries to read our mind, my precious! :p

Anyway...

Merry and Pippin's magic show wasn't going so well when their tour came to Mordor!

Pippin: And now... erm... the amazing Merry-o will escape from these ropes while suspended over a vat of boiling lava... as requested by Sauron.

[The Elf-warrior]

Merry: "I'm sick and tired of this."

Pippin: "Don't worry. A new picture is on the way!"

http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d78/ShelobsBane/morgoth.jpg

Morgoth: "I am the Hammer of Doom!"

Fingolfin: "I am the trickster who steals the Hammer of Doom!"

OR

Fingolfin: "Ich bin ein Berliner!"

Morgoth: "Yea! And I'm a jelly covered doughnut!"

Fingolfin: "What I said was perfectly grammatical German!"

Morgoth: "That's beside the point! Germany doesn't exist at this point in history!"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Morgoth: I'm sorry, you must be this tall to enter Angband.

OR

Morgoth: I'm sorry, you must be at least this dead to leave Middle Earth! Muhahaha!

OR yet!

After this, no one dared to try and sell double-glazing at Angband.

[Beanamir of Gondor]

Fingolin: Who invited Thor to the costume party?

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

"I've stood on shards of glass bigger than you!"

"Oh yeah? Well I've killed beasts more handsome than you!"

"Oh yeah? Well I crushed your father with my bare hands!"

"Well......yo momma."

"Oh no you didn't...."

and so on...

[Mithalwen]

Despite being hopelessy badly coordinated Morgoth cannot resist Fingolfin's challenge that he pat his head and rub his tummy at the same time.....

[mormegil]

Of all the forms Morgoth could have chosen he choose to be an oversized orc!

or

Fingolfin: *thinking* I know I cannot beat him in might but perhaps if I hold my sword in defiance just long enough he will succumb.

[Mithalwen]

For some reason Morgoth finds a Jerry Lee Lewis song playing in his mind.... :p

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Stone 1 : Arghh, I can't stand it; I really want to help him!

Stone 2 : Forget it Josti. We are inanimate objects, there is nothing you can do about it!

[davem]

Fingolfin: 'I am High King of the Noldor!'
Bouncer: 'For the last time - your name's not down - you're not comin' in!'

[The Only Real Estel]

Poor Fingolfin was about to get much more than just a headbutt for insulting Morgoth's mother & sister...

[CaptainofDespair]

Fingolfin: I am Arthur, King of the Britons...
Morgoth: No, you're Fingolfin.
Fingolfin: A duck!
Morgoth: Yes, you are a quack.

OR

Fingolfin: The Pen is mightier than the Sword! But, I have no pen. Now, if I had paper, I could paper cut him to death. But then, who is to say he does not have some secret army of scissors at his dispo...*squash*

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Morgoth is teaching Fingolfin that it is unpolite to point at someone with a sword, even if it is very shiny. . .

[Glirdan]

Morgoth: Stop. Who would cross the Plain of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the Mountain he see.

Fingolfin: Oh fine, ask the questions.

Morgoth: What is your name?

Fingolfin: Fingolfin, High King of the Noldor

Morgoth: What is your quest?

Fingolfin: To slay the Dark Lord Morgoth.

Morgoth: What...is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Fingolfin: I...what? *squish*

OR

Morgoth: I am a knight who says "Ni!"

Fingolfin: And what a mighty knee you have!!

OR EVEN

Fingolfin: But you have no arms!!

Morgoth: What in MY name are you talking about!? I still have arms!!!

Fingolfin: So you do... My bad.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Morgoth: For the last time, it's not a skirt! :mad:

OR

Fingolfin: *Looks at the small door behind Morgoth* Wait. How did you fit through that?

Morgoth: You don't want to know!

[narfforc]

At the Beleriand Costume Ball Fingolfin says to Morgoth: You don't look anything like a Balrog, where's your wings?

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Morgoth: So you started this cursed thread ! :mad:

Fingolfin: What! I thought you did. . . .

In this moment Morgoth and Fingolfin discoverd that there was no reason for them to fight and became the best of friends. All anger was now directed towards Hookbill The Goomba !

( I know it should say Robin Headstrong, but by now I think Hookbill has a greater claim to this thread :p )

[Oddwen]

(rather inspired by CoD)

Morgoth was a notorious cheat at 'Rock, Paper, Scissors'.
Fingolfin: Wait, there's no mention of a hammer nooo arrrrrrrghhh

Or...

Christian faces down Apollyon.

Or...

Fingolfin: I will face you down you evil...oh my, what spikey shinguards you have...

Morgoth: All the better to squish you with!

Or...

The Middle-earthian version of the statue of Liberty went horribly wrong.

Or...

Fingolfin: I'm Lord Fingolfin, savvy?

Or...

Morgoth: You green-blooded, pointy-eared Vulcan! (Look at Fingy's left knee...)

Or...

Fingolfin's hair wasn't white until he faced down the giant, blackened, spiky Lord of Evil.

[The Only Real Estel]

David vs. Goliath
---------------------
Goliath: "What!? This isn't fair - I thought you were only going to use a sling & some stones!" :eek:

[Holbytlass]

Morgoth: I'm smackin' ya for being a dolt. It's "Jack jumped over a candlestick", not bonfire!

[THE Ka]

Morgoth: Aaha! Oh dear me, please excuse this most rude of semi-autonomous, convulsive expulsion of nose muscle functions Fingolfin...Choooo!

~ Aesthete

[Balin999]

Morgoth: Stop! Didn't we go through this already?

Fingolfin: What do you mean?

Morgoth: Think, lousy creature! We had this pic already!

Fingolfin: What? In this thread?

Morgoth: Yes, it was not that long ago.

Fingolfin: How was the outcome?

Morgoth: I won.

Fingolfin: Oh.... I better get.... back..... to what I was doing..... see ya!

MJorgoth: Ok, see ya. (After one year of thinking) HEY! WAIT! Oh, bugger!

[The Only Real Estel]

Morgoth was so intent upon Fingolfin that he didn't notice the elf's secret weapon - a giant flesh-eating tick named Finny, climbing up his right leg.

[Gil-Galad]

Morgoth: The Black Knight always prevails!


Fingolfin: Your a Loony

[Lalaith]

Mrs Fingolfin was not always as understanding as she could be about those boys' nights out.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Morgoth: I demand a new picture! NOW!

Fingolfin: Okay, okay, skirt boy.

Morgoth: :mad:

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i291/JoelCornah/Sarumanworm.jpg

Wormtong: And then Gandalf had the cheek to tell me I was short sighted.

Saruman: I'm over here, worm.

Wormtong: ... oh.

OR

Saruman always found hide and seek surprisingly easy with Wormtong.

[Kath]

Saruman: And you will stay on the naughty circle until you feel nice again.

[Farael]

Saruman: No, I am not interested in buying a new palantir-long distance plan

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: Did you leave the fridge door open again?

OR

Saruman: Did you touch my glowworm experiment again?

[Gil-Galad]

Grima: Little does he know is that i have another plan for his Uruk-Hai, one that doesn't involve taking over the world

Saruman:Grima... you are talking in a normal indoor speaking voice

Grima:...That i am! *whisper*little does he kno-

Saruman: Grima get me my Tea!

[davem]

Saruman (thinks) 'If he's stopping I suppose I'd better get a door put on this toilet...'

Grima (thinks) 'So that's why he has all the candles in there!'

[THE Ka]

Saruman: Grima, if you think I cannot smell you from there, you are gravely mistaken...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saruman: Grima, you bumbling idiot! Stop dancing about on my mother's lazy susan!

~ Aesthete

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

One of the many merchandises made specially for Greenland was a frozen Saruman !

[Boromir88]

In a game of Hide and Seek, Saruman cheats as he peaks to see where Grima is going. :eek:

[The Only Real Estel]

The Hunter (Saruman) conceals a knife under his scroll as he awaits the approaching Werewolf (Grima)...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: *with finger on trap door release* Just move a little more to the left, would you?

OR

Saruman: For the last time, Grima, you can't have my priceless portrait of Sauron in his Hippie days. I saving it for blackmail.

[Gandalf_the _white]

Saruman: look for the last time you can't have any of the candles because then i'd be able to see your face!! (thinking) His face is worse than Gandalf uncloaked!!

[Oddwen]

Grima: Hey, why are you in my room? Hey that's...that's...MY DIARY!
Saruman: And very educational it is, too. I especially enjoyed your little love poems to a certian Rohirric Shieldmaid...
Grima: NOOOOOO!!

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Saruman: Soon Rohan will fall. . . .

Grima: I once ate a whole apricot !

Saruman: ? ? ?

[Beanamir of Gondor]

Saruman: [reading] "... and they all lived happily ever after." [closes book] Now, for the thousandth time, Grima, go to sleep!
Grima: One more time! One more time!

[The Only Real Estel]

Saruman: "Is that you, Sugar? I placed that call for you ten minutes ago..."

Grima: "I'm sorry, my lord, but all the escorts were already working tonight."

Saruman: "Lathspell I name you - ill news is an ill guest."

[Holbytlass]

Saruman: Moronic interior decorators! Always the same-evil genius in black. I wanted PINK!!

[The Elf-warrior]

Grima never dared to disturb Saruman while he was reading poetry.

[Gil-Galad]

Voice: The Evil kind of wizard is a different thing, they are very evil and never see things straight, and on occasion they create grand armies to bully other neighbours. but above all never let them read you poetry

[Oddwen]

S: Oh freddled gruntbuggly
Thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
Groop I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes...

[narfforc]

Saruman: Nip down to the cellar Grima and check the fuses, the damn lights have gone in my study again.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Saruman: I don't think it works.

Grima: What?

Saruman: Destroying the enemy telepathically.

OR

Grima: Why do you have a Gandalf uncloaked calendar?

[The Only Real Estel]

(Saruman reading)

This is a ransom note. We will hold you hostage in your tower until you give up the Keys of Orthanc, your Staff, and your entire army. Do not try to find us, it will be impossible.
Sincerely,
Grima

Saruman: "Grima...come here for a moment, will you?"

[THE Ka]

Grima: A new image approaches!
Saruman: Finally, before I glaze over...

http://arwen-undomiel.com/images/elrond/Elrond_dg.jpg

It was like a scene from The Christmas Story...

H. Weaving: Ha, ha, very funny. Seriously though, I can move my arms, or anything! Help? Please?!

~ Aesthete

[The Elf-warrior]

Elrond: "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ear!"

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Elrond: I want to fly like those eagles! *flaps*

OR

Elrond: I swear the fish was THIS Big!

OR yet…

Even the Elf lord gets pulled over for drink driving.

[HerenIstarion]

Elrond: Good, good, now enough with bobs, let us warm up our arms... spread your arms like this... hey, you, you four, short ones! you in the back, you're too plumpy to be hiding behind the backs there! Come forward for me to see you, slackers! 50 pull-ups extra, now!

Frodo: I'll kill... Bilbo for... this! Go to Rivendell... Poetry... stars... music, he said... and what's.... this?
Sam: Ah, Mr. Frodo, but look... how all these ... these elves are... sleek and fit..., it is probably... magic Master... Elrond does on them...
Merry: If this... is magic... than... I'm an orc...
Pippin: You... won't be able... to beat...Bilbo... he's been... doing... this... for years... he'll beat you...

Elrond: Hey, no talking! And no puffing! 50 more pull-ups!

Frodo: I'll... sure... kill... him...

[mormegil]

Pic for those who can't see it as I couldn't.

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g310/The_Mormegil/Elrond_dg.jpg

Hugo demanded a mirror for ballet but it never came!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Elrond: Why did that fellow with the bad teeth tell me to keep hold of these invisible lamp stands? And why can't I feel them? Oh well, better wait another five days...

OR

After they were famous: Elrond...

In Valinor he became a successful cricket umpire.

[mormegil]

Hugo really was casted for the role of scarecrow in Farmer Maggot's fields but became Elrond in a rushed last minute decision when a better Elrond backed out.

[Kitanna]

Rejected costumes for The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

or

Elrond: Gil-Galad said if I stand here flapping my arms long enough I can fly.

[Naria]

Elrond is asked to take a side-road alcohol DUI test! :eek:

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Before Rivendell, Elrond founded alot of less succesfull settlements.

[Glirdan]

The singer and the place for this touring spot of Middle-Earth Idol was atrocious.

Elrond: What do you mean I look ridiculous!?

[Gil-Galad]

Elrond becomes a Hippie...


Give Peas a Chance!

[Mithalwen]

Hugo: look this isn't funny anymore guys.....take the pole out of my sleeves NOW..please...?

Or

"Must, must improve my bust.
will, will get bigger still"

Or

Elrond never got the hang of the washing machine after Celebrian left and finds his chain mail shrank in the boilwash....

[Kath]

Musical statues is a serious game when Elves play it.

[Holbytlass]

Cinch the corset tighter! I'm flabbing out all over!



P.S.-thanks Morm, I couldn't see it

[Oddwen]

Elrond: Watch me balance this small yellow man on my hand!

Or...

Elrond begins his famous "H From the Album 'Help!'" imitation. Up next: "Shoeless on Abby Road".

Or...

Elrond: There's a magnetic field around here, I can feel it!

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Elrond was sure that the warm currents would come at any moment and he would fly.

[Balin999]

"Don't tell me I got up today at 5 am only to get dressed like THIS?! My grandma wouldn't wear it!""

[Boromir88]

playing off Kitannas...Elrond: Gil-Galad said if I stand here flapping my arms long enough I can fly.

Elrond auditions for Middle-earth idol with the song "I believe I can fly."

[Oddwen]

Elrond's grasp of the Hokey Pokey was...nonexistent.

Or...

Please don't wiggle your hips...please don't wiggle your hips...

Or...

After a long day of "Tug-O-Elrond", Elrond usually found himself unable to move his arms.

Or...
(a lá A Christmas Story)

E: I can't put my arms down! WAAAAAAA!!

Or...

Cop: Spread 'em!

[Parmastahir]

"Sorry, Arwen. I promise to stay out of your closet from now on."

[Holbytlass]

Elrond:The new picture is here, now can I lower my arms?!
http://www.numenoreen.com/Images/dunlending-16-11-03.jpg
I will not fail! With the help of my pal, wormie!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Wildman: Get your blood rings! Only £.4.99! Blood rings here!

OR

Wildman: Why was this bacon raw! :mad:

[Gil-Galad]

Wildman: you'll Rue the day you messed with me!...well! start rueing!

[THE Ka]

Saruman's dental plan wasn't only horrible, it's end result was usually horrible social stigmas...

~ Aesthete

[Lalwendë]

"Rock!"

Roy Wood look-a-like Saruman (the original Wizzard) entertains the Dunlendings with a spirited rendition of I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday.

[davem]

Saruman's new ally tries out his new secret weapon - the invisible dagger. Unfortunately it was very difficult to tell which end you were grabbing....

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Auditioning for a role in Macbeth (or should I say "the Scottish play"?!):

Is this a dagger which I see before me,
The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee.
I have thee not, and yet I see thee still.
Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible
To feeling as to sight? or art thou but
A dagger of the mind, a false creation,
Proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain?

[Lalwendë]

Stu "Crackerjack" Francis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stu_Francis) - still working the old "Oooh, I could crush a grape" routine.

[Oddwen]

Someone should trim their nails before they clench their fists...

[The Sixth Wizard]

Right, now, that's obviously a false lip.

(anyone seen Ripping Yarns here?)

OR

Sheesh, the star in his white hand must be rueing the day it moved in with him!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

(anyone seen Ripping Yarns here?)

Yep! :D

Anyway...

Wildman: This spiky stress ball isn’t helping at all!

OR

He never did get the hang of the break knife.

[Lalwendë]

The Chieftain scores a full ten points and beats Gimli hands down in the All-Arda 88th Eructation Extravaganza. Not to mention bringing on an early Autumn in Fangorn with the force of it.

[Oddwen]

For the Elrond pic:

RIVERDANCE!!

[Holbytlass]

The legless, disgruntled LT. Dan auditions for LOTR.

[Oddwen]

(Inspired by the latest "The Downer")

Enraged wildman: ...and then he lay down on the floor and stared at us while we ate! That's the LAST time I eat here! I want to speak to the MANAGER!!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Wildman: I ordered live slug! You call this live?

Waiter: Not since you squished it, no.

[narfforc]

Leader of Lesser Men: We will kill everyone and everything, I so swear, for I am the Leader of the Suicide Squads of The Wildmen of Dunceland.
Saruman: You are supposed to kill the Enemy you fool, not slit your own wrists.
Leader of Lesser Men: MEDIC!!!!!!!!!!

[The Only Real Estel]

Wild Man: "Here you are ma'am, I found your lost bird. I had to hold him tightly to make sure he didn't fly away though and...oh. Perhaps I held him a little to tightly..."

[The Elf-warrior]

http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d78/ShelobsBane/h-2-3552-goblin-army.jpg

Orcs: "Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité!"

[The Only Real Estel]

Early storyboards for Star Wars Episode III: Attack of the Clones convinced George Lucas to fire his early storyboard artists.

[narfforc]

So you think I'm ugly Uh!, you wanna see what I'm sat on............

[Oddwen]

Orken midwife: Push, PUSH! Where' there's a contraction, there's a way!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Hands up who’s had more baths than Aragorn!

OR

Orc: I am Doulgab the double throated.

[Gurthang]

Random News Anchor: "And here we can clearly see the insane giant orc (left) chasing after the other orcs. It was quickly found that weapons were no use against this beast, as shown by the unthrown spear in the fleeing orc's hand."

[Ordimor]

Come Here !!! I"m Gonna Eat Ya!!!!!

[Beanamir of Gondor]

A picture is finally unearthed that clearly depicts what Dwarf women really look like.

[The Saucepan Man]

When Gruffalos turn bad ...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

When Genetically modified turnips go bad.

OR

Orcs: We demand to see a dentist! Immediately!

[Formendacil]

Batman fans will be familiar with the idea of villainness Poison Ivy acting as a "flora personified". This, however, is artistic licence. Everyone knows that real plants, given mobile, human-esque life, will turn out looking something like this.

OR:

After the theories of Orks being descended from Elves, Men, and wild beasts, is the theory that they are descended from Giant Tree Frogs, as illustrated here.

[Thinlómien]

Orc chieftain: "Kill them! They took my nail polish!"

OR

The cosmetics company hired a pack of models for the release of their new pore purifying toner.

[Gil-Galad]

Ism Ism Ism!

[The Only Real Estel]

Tol-in-Gaurhoth XXXV: When WereBadlyConseptualizedGolbins/Orc Transform

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Orc: To the Supermarket! Away!

OR

Don't do drugs, kids.

[The Only Real Estel]

A typical running-for-government ad created to slander the opposition:

Voiceover: "Here you can see, in a typical unflattering picture, my opponent and his running mate - who voted to raise taxes by approximately 379.21% and reportedly ate donates during all the meetings."

[Oddwen]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v58/Oddwen/ponysmall.jpg

Frodo: Do "Deformed Rabbit", that's my favorite.

Or...

Aragorn: And if all else fails, you can all hide in my boots!

Or...

Aragorn: Aha, shoeshine boys, just what I needed! Get to work!
Merry: But we're not...

Or...

Sam: I wonder how many cows had to die for those clompers...

Or...

Aragorn: I had two cloaks, but for reasons I won't mention I had to sew one of them into a new pair of pants! Then I had an accident with a dagger...

Or...

Aragorn: I can fit a week's rations in my boots!

Or...

Aragorn: I am the bearer of the Sword that is Broken. I've got it right here, in my boot!

Or...

Aragorn: You think you've got it rough? Try a day in my shoes. Ha! Sometimes I wait weeks to use that joke!

Or...

Aragorn: O, solé mio...

[Beanamir of Gondor]

Sam: Mr. Frodo, you never told me Gandalf was friends with Robin Hood.

[Boromir88]

Frodo: Ooh charades! I love charades.

Merry: Let me guess you're a...vampire.

Aragorn: Wrong.

Pippin: OH I know...you're D'Artanion!

Aragorn: Nope...Come on it's not that difficult...I'm a big scary guy that's going to lead you through a dark and dangerous forest.

Sam: And just how were we suppose to guess that mister?

[Thinlómien]

Aragorn: "I got a fish and it was thiiiiiis big."

[narfforc]

Frodo: Are'nt you that bloke from the Sword of Shannara.